0:00 - Dust Collector 0:26 - Just Take My Wallet (Jack Stauber) 1:45 - Still Life (Sitcom) 5:05 - Hey Kids (Molina) 8:56 - Six Forty Seven (Instupendo) 10:53 - Limerence (Yves Tumour) 16:23 - hi (temporex) 17:48 - Tidal Tempest Past (slowed) 21:58 - nice boys (temporex) (slowed + reverb) 26:06 - Deep Swim (Windows 96) 30:23 - school rooftop intro but sadder 32:29 - Homage (Mild High Club) 35:27 - Fallen Down (slowed + reverb) 39:36 - It’s just a burning memory (The Caretaker) 43:09 - Mice On Venus (but make it *E X T R A* nostalgic) 45:44 - We Don’t Have Many Days (The Caretaker) 49:16 - aglow (karamel kel) 51:35 - Id Rather Sleep (Kero Kero Bonito) 53:28 - New Normal (Jack Stauber) 54:50 - Never (Mag.Lo) 1:01:15 - Late afternoon drifting (The Caretaker) 1:04:50 - canals (pilotredsun) (slowed+reverb)
@yulimartorrealba5851
2 ай бұрын
😊😊😊
@saphireransfield8470
2 ай бұрын
i wanna sleep till i can never wake up
@Kimonty_
Ай бұрын
Real
@ViolentColorVOMIT
Ай бұрын
Mood.
@SickoPsycho
Ай бұрын
Please don't do anything that will hurt you.
@TwistedAgression
Ай бұрын
Can I join you
@saphireransfield8470
Ай бұрын
@@TwistedAgression no stay here
@twinkldaz2763
Ай бұрын
maybe i dont want to heal maybe i just wanna lay here and sleep *forever*
@gachamisty3827
Ай бұрын
as a 16 yr old I have w/ constant bullying, like everybody including my parents are bullying me, I even got SA'd by my own father, im trying so hard to stay on.
@audieb512
Ай бұрын
I’m so sorry. I hope you can feel better. It wasn’t your fault. I’ve dealt with bullies before, which often had me victimblamed by the school. I was also sexually harassed by the girls who bullied me in the seventh grade. I’m so sorry for what you went through, but this trauma won’t last forever. God bless you.
@AlejandraCandelaria
2 ай бұрын
Let's be the prettiest girl in the morgue
@itsEmiko
Ай бұрын
You’re already one of the prettiest girls outside the morgue though! You’re beautiful right now. Kind, pretty, smart, and amazing.
@ANDPEGGYBIAXES3
Ай бұрын
"Mom, I think he's trying to do something with me.." "Don't mind him, just stop hugging him." ---- "Mom, his arms went lower than my shoulders.." "Why did you hug him again?" "He forces me.." "Oh, ok." ----- "My hips.." "Stop. Hugging. Him." "I can't.." _ "M-Mom, he.." "Mom..?" "Mom, please listen.." "Mom.."
@audieb512
Ай бұрын
Are you okay? Do you need somebody to talk to?
@VoriiVoice
3 күн бұрын
Why do I try so hard to continue living for other people? I am going to school for a degree to live, life hasn’t even been that amazing far to even want to put in the effort anymore. I see nothing ahead of me. I live to provide for others as someone who has nothing.
@milku666
Ай бұрын
i don't wanna die, i just hate the life in reality i'm forced to live in
@audieb512
Ай бұрын
I’m sorry. You will get through this. I’m going through a hard time right now, too! My parents have given me some great advice, but it’s hard to trust them unlike before. It doesn’t last forever, though. I’m so proud of you for making it here, and you’re never alone!
@Miko-dl3vp
Ай бұрын
Same...
@theeggybutterfly5974
Ай бұрын
Hello Everyone, you may never know me and that's okay... but, my name is MaskyZard, and i was a sad lonely teenager like everyone else, i told myself i was going to end it all on my 18th birthday, but now... im 20 gonna be 21 soon... i have a good life and a good home now, yes i did things that weren't awesome like Hurting myself and smoking and drinking but... i got through it and i know you will all get through this i believe in every single one of you, and i know the world isn't fair right now but it will get better i promise, so please everyone stay alive and stay safe
@sillyness45
Ай бұрын
i cannot control how angry i get and i hurt my siblings physically and i isolate myself in my room to prevent fights because im actually a fucking monster when i get angry and i hate myself for it and i always wanna kms because of it. sorry i vented
@maggies.2037
Ай бұрын
I am so so sorry to hear you're dealing with this. I would usually try to give some advice but I'm still trying to find the answers after two psyche ward trips and the damage ive done to my relationships. if I could give advice, id say definitely listen to your body. where does it hurt the most when you feel that way? massaging those pressure points might help during a bad time. square breathing does work, but for me personally its just weirdly hard to do it. I just hate trying to relax when I want to explode, but I cant break old coping mechanisms with wishes alone, im afraid. its so hard trying to forgive yourself when you see how easy it is to slip back and lose everyones trust again. and its life's cruel joke that forgiving yourself is the only real way to learn from your mistakes. I'll finish my rant here but I'm genuinely wishing you and your loved ones the best.
@sillyness45
Ай бұрын
@@maggies.2037 ty
@Strawberry0311
22 күн бұрын
I think you should get therapy, and you should apologize to your siblings:) don’t blame yourself, you deserve to be happy, and you are a good person ^^
@sillyness45
22 күн бұрын
@@Strawberry0311 thank you
@PastaManEnjoyer
Ай бұрын
My traumas are horrible, yet i feel like i dont care about them anymore. If i could grow apathetic towards them so fast, maybe it wasnt even that bad lol
@SkylarThompson-mu1qs
Ай бұрын
No, they were bad.
@zymekz.1
Ай бұрын
hello. i'm a teenager, in middle school. i love my school, i trust my friends there. but one day it just broke. i was s/a'ed by my bestfriend. i have been suffering with mental health problems and i am on the urge of relapsing, i have been clean (SH) for 1 year, but im feeling shitty again. i tried to do the best i could in school, but my grades were dropping either way. my grades has been dropping ever since 2024, i used to get A+'s now its slowly turning into A's, A-'s, and slowly to F's. i did everything i could yet i was never enough. i tried being a good friend but at the end, i'm never a first option. im not even an option, i never was an option from the start. this is my last year, i feel sad but i feel relieved. i've been feeling really weird nowadays, everything feels so wrong. everything keeps getting bigger or smaller, and has been getting further and closer. but if i touch something that i see close, its further away then i saw it was. i've been hearing things and seeing things, but along the way- i've made some friends. they're black figures, they always appear when i'm down. they told me their names were Andy and Rindy. thats all, i hope you all have a nice day
@peppa_destruidora_deautoestima
Ай бұрын
Hello,have you tried contacting a help line?,i know its scary,but in times like these venting to someone who can listen to you could really help Sorry for my bad English
@fleshmazetangos
Ай бұрын
i can never get an apology because they are dead
@milaz461
28 күн бұрын
I understand you. My best friend wanted to give up. But the police found her and back her to home. I don't know what would be with my besty if not the police. I'm sorry for your loss (sorry for my bad English)
@Aymelia-colon3
Ай бұрын
You know you shouldn't have been a father when your child asks your mother for a new daddy when they're 4. I dont care how much you change now. You loved showing me off to your friends as the "smart kid of the family" but you abandoned me as soon as I started disagreeing with you. You did the same to my older sister. It's too late for you to change, i wish you actually walked out on us instead of being a walking reminder of what I never got, a loving father.
@Gekoguts
21 күн бұрын
You are not just a object to show off you are a amazing person a person that has been through a lot and deserves a rest you may be plagued by bad memories but you can replace them with better ones that make the pain hurt a little less he does not deserve to plague your mental space it is your and only yours keep it clean and happy
@aisohl_
9 күн бұрын
its all my fault i deserve it im useless things will never get better for me do you agree, future me?
@kimi3950
Ай бұрын
I feel that my life isnt so hard. Its really all in my head tbh. I overcomplicate things and feel strongly about small things. It's so easy to get in a slump, and its so difficult to get out. Happiness is in my hands, i can js do my work, maybe struggle abit here and there, go to school on time, eat on time, wake up and sleep on time. Its all simple things that shld be habits already. However, its js so hard to be consistent. Its harder to get out of a slump i know but its so familiar and comforting. I know im gna struggle either way, be it doing nth or working towards something. Its js hard to have good habits, and i hate being in control all the time. What if im js tired, what if i cant be my cheerleader all the time?? Im weak, comfortable with this familiar sadness, and im miserable. I'll have to pick myself up soon cuz i know it'l affect others, as well as my future. I js wish its easier each time i fuck up, im so tired. With all my experience, with all that ive learnt, applying them is so hard.
@SkylarThompson-mu1qs
Ай бұрын
Change your routine.
@allygamerkid0
Ай бұрын
I understand that you're tired. I understand that you're sick of this. I understand that you want to give up. I understand that you're in pain. I understand that you're struggling. I understand that you're insecure. I understand that your trauma has affected you. I understand that you're feeling lazy. I understand that you're feeling angry. I understand that you're feeling sad. I understand that you feel different. I understand that your feelings misunderstood. I understand that you're feeling uneasy. I understand that you're feeling weird. I want you to understand what makes you human. You listen to me. It's okay to feel angry, sad, weird, sick, different, etc. There is NOTHING wrong with you for staying up all night crying. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling emotional or emotionless. Your age has NOTHING to do with how you act or how you feel your not too young to understand abuse. you're not too young to have trauma. you deserve to be understood. and you don't deserve to be suffering. you're not a bad person for trying to express emotions. people make mistakes and there's nothing wrong with you for it. It's okay. You're okay. you can cry It's healthy and good for you. don't bottle up emotions. I'm proud of you for getting this far in life. you are strong even if you don't feel like it. not everyone manages to get this far. so believe me when i tell you, you're strong. Ily guys we are just people we shouldn't be asked this much of. just be yourself it doesn't matter how you feel express your emotions. you're not attention seeking your being human. and there's nothing wrong with that
@Aliviacase
27 күн бұрын
I think its kinda ironic that people find this kind of music to be weird or unsettling when i genuinely enjoy it. I don't know maybe I'm weird
@nilsimulator5525
16 күн бұрын
Why l feel ugly? Why they yell at me? Everything is my fault??? Do l need feel guilty? Why l alwasy trying think positive? Why l alwasy feel lost everything? Maybe l should forget these...and be happy! (Have good day cutie
@Idkstuff_lmao
13 күн бұрын
I hope u have the brightest future :)
@nilsimulator5525
12 күн бұрын
@@Idkstuff_lmao thanks...You very nice :D
@Idkstuff_lmao
12 күн бұрын
@@nilsimulator5525 Yw!! Ur nice 2 :3
@nilsimulator5525
12 күн бұрын
@@Idkstuff_lmao aww thanks! Stop being sweet you make me so smiley :D
@Idkstuff_lmao
12 күн бұрын
@@nilsimulator5525 Yw again!! Lol, I'm glad i make u smile. I'm sure ur smile is very pretty / charming :3
@peachy8238
Ай бұрын
Why do I only forget about it when I’m crying?
@Ur_Favorite_Bug
Ай бұрын
I want an apology, but i know i dont deserve it. i never will.
@avie_chan0311
Ай бұрын
I’m sorry:(( u do deserve love and apology’s. You deserve to be happy, I care abt you
@Kuropithefroggi
28 күн бұрын
you will ALWAYS deserve an apology, you didnt do anything wrong
@lazyblossom
29 күн бұрын
I love u all
@melchiorsmokes
28 күн бұрын
we love u too
@edensilly
Ай бұрын
life is so bad, im gonna get so messed up tomorrow i hope i forget for a bit. my own dad has been doing stuff to me since i can remember but mainly in my sleep and probably whenever i was little and took a bath. i only noticed when i was 11 and just brushed it off. (im 15 now) i dont remember anything else, oh god im so sad about this
@BabyFacedDolly
Ай бұрын
This isn’t okay does anybody know about this? Your school guidance counselor can help you cope but I can’t say they do much. Still worth a try telling them though.
@edensilly
Ай бұрын
@@BabyFacedDolly don’t worry I live far far away from him now,, I was just in my feels last night
@SkylarThompson-mu1qs
Ай бұрын
@@edensilly I do suggest therapy.
@audieb512
Ай бұрын
I’m so sorry for what you went through. It wasn’t tour fault and he shouldn’t have done that to you. I’m proud of you for making it here.
@Lazybones11111
Ай бұрын
okay since we're venting in the comments i decided maybe i should let out my own feelings, too im sick of feeling abandoned, im so sick of feeling his hands on me, im sick of knowing he wants/wanted me in that way, im sick of remembering what he said to me, what he said he wanted to do to me, im sick of his stupid idea of a "joke" being a comment about borderline r@ping me. Why did I deserve to have to deal with all of this? Why do I have to have to deal with all of this? What did I do that was so awful to make me suffer so much??? its not fair.
@KooKoobananas69
Ай бұрын
I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that at all people will love you and not in a disgusting way
@CyzarusAlexandrovich
Ай бұрын
I can't say your life will change tomorrow or it might be better when I say so... but, you're brave, you've been holding this a long time, am I right? You're strong because you're still here.... and I have faith that you are able to get help... but you know, help won't appear in front of you until you decide to seek it.
@Lazybones11111
Ай бұрын
@@CyzarusAlexandrovich oh my god ily (platonically) this means a lot to me youre awesome sauce tysm
@Hi_fRIendSsS
23 күн бұрын
you deserve better attitude, i hope you will be okay
@Lazybones11111
23 күн бұрын
@@Hi_fRIendSsS tysm man:(
@ronakiti12
Ай бұрын
I feel like getting an apology but at the same time i feel like i dont deserve one. :/
@CatwomanGoddess
Ай бұрын
You are worthy and important and DESERVE an apology!
@SkylarThompson-mu1qs
Ай бұрын
Yes you do.
@jakethedoganimeversion-ly6kj
Ай бұрын
you deserve it YES
@willowtree3734
22 күн бұрын
I am tired of trying to reason why I should be alive. Even the people who are supposed to take care of me say I should kms. Maybe I should.
@Emo_zeldaxXprinceXx
22 күн бұрын
@Gekoguts
21 күн бұрын
You can’t people love you and deep down you know you love you to I may not even know you but I love you it’s not worth taking away years of bliss for a few minutes of pain I know it hurts right now but you will get through it because you are strong and you are loved I know it hurts and it feels like a black void that you can’t crawl out of but you can I believe in you I promise it will be ok no matter how much it hurt it will be ok I promise.
@EveOfDarkness
7 күн бұрын
@@Emo_zeldaxXprinceXx hey maybe we shouldn't promote suicide :)
@aKyVa_u3_uKeu
Ай бұрын
Is it bad to want to die when I'm 14? Well... Mom said it's just my age. Maybe not. Maybe it will end... I hope. Maybe I could just die in that day and not stopping myself? That would be better.
@Smigsby
Ай бұрын
14 was a miserable time for me too, but life gets better as the world opens up. Sometimes, it's all about finding what makes you happy.
@aKyVa_u3_uKeu
Ай бұрын
@@Smigsby Unfortunately, my condition got to such a point that I almost jumped in front of a train. I'm currently working with a psychologist.
@Smigsby
Ай бұрын
@@aKyVa_u3_uKeu I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things work out with the psychologist and you feel better soon. We're just strangers, but whoever you are, I'm rooting for you.
@SkylarThompson-mu1qs
Ай бұрын
@@aKyVa_u3_uKeu Yg? Research mental health please.
@Sylveon2589
Ай бұрын
Don't blame yourself or age, Mental health issues can happen at any age and it's not your fault. I started isolating myself when I was young, And my family told me that I was depressed (it was pretty obvious). I've been depressed since then, Never had a proper diagnosis since my family is struggling with money, So I have to depend on self-diagnosis and online tests. It's never your fault. I hope you figure it out with your psychologist soon.
@Imkuromyy2112
Күн бұрын
I hate how everyone around me went from being pretty normal to being psychopathic.
@angelagabrielletan2007
24 күн бұрын
why do i like the music even if i dont have trauma
@1bubble_tea
Ай бұрын
Im not perfect, im sorry to everyone, who believed i n me, im such a mess. Im sorry. Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry
@hjlkllm6608
Ай бұрын
xd
@Ur_Favorite_Bug
Ай бұрын
@@hjlkllm6608 ?
@milaz461
28 күн бұрын
You're not mess, I know you're very nice and beautiful person, your parents love you. and you should love yourself
@sobachiasosisk
Ай бұрын
hugs for yall
@GrayAvian
9 күн бұрын
I'm just tired, I want to sleep and never wake up again
@_Moshi_-eh3wl
28 күн бұрын
Sometimes I just want to sleep and not wake up...
@cosmitsoko
24 күн бұрын
This is actually rly comforting i love this
@Shad3_meds
20 күн бұрын
I literally can feel this in my soul.
@karikarimika
21 күн бұрын
maybe it was all my fault, maybe i should just stay quite as she slowly slipped out of me, out of my mind, out of my life… did it even have a solution? or i was just fighting for a love not meant to be? i know it wasn't, i always knew that, but it still hurts to see her, laughing, smiling, forgetting about me… did she even love me back? or at least was she interested?… i mean, who would be interested in such a mentally unstable person… maybe i just need someone to tell me it wasn't my fault, but it won't work, i know it was all my stupid fault. maybe i just need her to hug me, to tell me why she did that, to kiss me again and never let me go, but that will never happen…
@AliceAraújoCastelloBranco
21 күн бұрын
hey, i experienced that last year and i know how it hurts to love someone even more than we love ourselves, but if you allow me to give you an advice, id tell u to try taking care of urself and keeping distance from her (if its possible), like stop stalking her social media and stuff cause the best way to get out of an emocional dependency is forgetting her or trying it until u get todo it. i did that and its been abt 1 year i dont talk to my ''ex'' ,and i feel better now. i remember all we lived and now it doesnt hurt so much, cuz i can see everything with kinda other eyes. try to focus on urself and its NOT ur fault, no matter what happened, dont feel guilty for loving someone, its ok to fall in love and it happens to all of us everything will be ok at the end
@seth_azol
15 күн бұрын
I still feel his hands on me. I still sense eyes looking at it happen. At school, in class, why me?
@Trinity-j9r
15 күн бұрын
im sorry, my baby. Im a stranger but i love you deeply, i know this trauma has left a cut on you but remember, keep living life, alright? i don't want that bad man to be a barrier from all of the stuff a child or a human does like going to school, being productive and having friends. Being sa'd doesn't mean its the end of your life, i was once too. I know your in a rocky road currently but i promise it'll be alright, i love you! keep living, my baby! im proud of you 🫶
@Sylveon2589
Ай бұрын
I want an apology. I know it's not coming, But I want one nevertheless.
@Gekoguts
21 күн бұрын
I don’t know who your asking but I will grant your wish I’m sorry…. I’m sorry that you had to go through the things you had to go through…. I’m sorry that you never got a apology sooner but I want to give you one now…. I’m sorry that the world isn’t as perfect as people like to make it out to be but it gets better I promise as long as you control your little world the way you want to then it’s perfect.
@tedomi7301
2 ай бұрын
I'm very like this style of images, it makes me feel both uneasy and calm at the same time.
@Sophia-t7s
Ай бұрын
Why do i hate myself? My life isnt that bad?
@Purxs-Enelsversion
Ай бұрын
me
@edensilly
Ай бұрын
HOLY SITCOM??!?!?!?!??!!?/ IM GONNA EXPLODE EVERYTHINGS OKAY NOW I LOVE SITCOM THIS IS MY FAVORITE HAPPY SONG
@Kirikyanite
Ай бұрын
I pooped my pants
@natalyasanchez187
Ай бұрын
Real
@jumalakohtuotsus4174
Ай бұрын
I feel u brotha
@hypnoticthoughts
Ай бұрын
Man this hits
@KrazyKillerKira
Ай бұрын
Why is youtube recommending this a year late
@liedtoheaven37
Ай бұрын
fr :(
@THHPII
Ай бұрын
Fr
@thankyouforthediabetes
Ай бұрын
frr
@Unoriginal-Username69
Ай бұрын
I don't think playlists ever become late the music still like. exists
@KrazyKillerKira
Ай бұрын
@@Unoriginal-Username69 yea but playlists are convenient yk
@MEOO00W
Ай бұрын
it might be getting better for once
@Mimi20038
Ай бұрын
❤️
@Zipper-yippee
6 күн бұрын
i just want my life to be normal again. i miss 2018 “you were seven!!!” i know that’s why i miss it.. my life got so shitty when i turned 8 i just want to go back before anything too bad happened. i want my childhood back. i hate this. i hate having all these issues
@Numbahnine4146
13 күн бұрын
What made you think that I wanted this? I never wanted to move to another city in the first place... I miss her everyday, I was seven. A part of me will hate you forever, for what have you done to me, the traumas you've caused me will never dissapear, an empty apology is not going to fix it, you only make me wanna die more faster. SHUT UP.
@Starfriendsmile
4 ай бұрын
i'm so tired lmao
@NotPai
2 ай бұрын
Dw
@Sophus-thy-1st
Ай бұрын
This is a good playlist to listen when on the floor staring at the ceiling
@bugbites-j7f
Ай бұрын
Day three of staying up all niht with anxiety
@Mr.Axolotl347
Ай бұрын
Do you want to share more about that experience?
@bugbites-j7f
Ай бұрын
@@Mr.Axolotl347 i mean all it is me sleeping like normal then BAM awake totaly wired and covered in sweat then i stay up all nitgh
@Mr.Axolotl347
Ай бұрын
@@bugbites-j7f What do you think some possible reasons for that might be?
@bugbites-j7f
Ай бұрын
@@Mr.Axolotl347 no idea it just happens so i stay up all nt and slee during the day
@Mr.Axolotl347
Ай бұрын
@@bugbites-j7f I think it's good that you're thinking about it
@ilikeeatingcars
Ай бұрын
this sound like disassociation
@Emo_zeldaxXprinceXx
22 күн бұрын
Freaking out about guilbert grapes mom again...
@ithseem
14 күн бұрын
I was four. What made you think I knew any better?
@kittyChanHikkichan
12 күн бұрын
I started hurting myself since 5.. i was only 5. for some reasons... :( (now im 11 and i still hurt myself..)
@KateLynnYaj
Ай бұрын
ezra, i hope you know that you matter to me more than anything, my bestfriend in my heart forever until then.
@QueenPorphyria
Ай бұрын
yo thats my baby brothers name
@KateLynnYaj
Ай бұрын
@@QueenPorphyria cool
@QueenPorphyria
Ай бұрын
@@KateLynnYaj ye
@THHPII
Ай бұрын
It’s a Great playlist omg ❤❤❤
@user-zs9ux1ru8u
7 ай бұрын
❤❤❤ Thank you for this
@kamazombie
3 ай бұрын
underrated
@Purxs-Enelsversion
Ай бұрын
I'm sorry if I wasn't a good person, it's just that your screams and your touches made my body uncomfortable. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry please stop touching me Please, stop saying that I abuse you, you abuse of my kindness. I don't wanna to cut myself, please, stop hurting me like that.
@B1rdbrained
2 күн бұрын
How pathetic and ignorant you werent there when i needed you the most Dont get so touchy on me. I dont need you anymore, run away with the others.
@parrotparade2562
7 күн бұрын
I don’t feel like a person anymore.. (I’m going to reply with a vent, if anyone has any tips on forgetting or ignoring the memories I would love to hear them
@parrotparade2562
7 күн бұрын
Ok so I went to a daycare place, right? But it wasn’t a “daycare”, they taught us karate. I’d get picked up from elementary school and they’d drive me to their school, where my parents would then pick me up around 6-7:00 PM, after the class. It was really nice and peaceful until they got me to join their Demo Team when I was six. They then used that to get me to go every day. They would try to make the team the most important thing in my life, until i started neglecting my personal needs and mental and physical health. I could’ve told my parents to let me leave, but that was part of why I didn’t want to leave, because if I left the team, then I according to the instructors I would be disloyal and scared and weak and stuff. But it got to the point where I was constantly anxious and worried of making them even a little bit mad. They were VERY unpredictable, and could change moods really fast so I had to be able to closely monitor everything they did so I could predict it. They would yell at my friends and stuff in front of me and it scared me a lot.. keep in mind I was like 5-11, a little too fragile for that to not affect me lol The instructors said I was weak whenever I messed up, they’d say there’s no such thing as accidents. Only dumb mistakes that I wouldn’t have made if I had been stronger or better. They guilt tripped us a lot over the years. “Oh, people who leave are weak!” “Oh, if you quit, you’re a disloyal follower with no sense of determination”, etc. Yk, normal stuff adults should say to kids. at the end of six years of whatever tf that was, when i was 11, I’d almost attempted suicide cuz of all that time of pretending it was normal and suppressing 90% of my emotions so I wouldn’t be called weak. The instructors never let us get water during class, but if they did let us, we’d have to do 10-100 push-ups afterwards because apparently if we’re not gonna be mentally strong, we might as well be physically strong. So being allowed to get water during class with no consequences was a really rare opportunity. There was a belt level at the end that was like really respected- you could only earn it when you die while in the program. I thought I had to get it or I was a bad person by both their and my own standards. I feel bad about feeling bad though, because I had it the best compared to everyone else. I was one of their favorites because I never fought back, so I didn’t get as much outright yelling and rough treatment. But I got to watch my friends get screamed at. I got to watch disabled kids essentially get treated like animals. I got to watch three year-olds scream and cry and nobody could help them without doubling the consequences. There are a few locations around the state I live in, and the whole organization is owned by one guy. He’s like the leader, he wrote some books or whatever and we practically worshipped him. If anyone spoke badly of him, they’d get yelled at and have to sit alone for the rest of the day. If someone did something wrong, they’d be given “a look”, told what to do instead, etc. Like a normal teacher. If a toddler wasn’t standing still, they’d usually just be held still. If someone of a higher rank was particularly disobedient, they’d have to sit on the tile floor off to the side for the rest of the day without water or a chance to socialize, just watching everyone else have class and play and talk. Every day we’d have to go into these locker rooms and we’d have to get changed in front of other people. It doesn’t sound that bad, but it was super awkward and embarrassing and made me super uncomfortable every time. Sometimes there would be a 3 y/o who wasn’t standing still so the instructor would just put the kid into a dark empty room and lock him in there for the rest of the day 😐. We had to go the whole class listening to the poor kid bang on the door and scream and cry cuz he was hungry or thirsty and the instructor just ignored him until his parents came to pick him up at the end of the day they’d try to control our lives outside the program, too… they’d make sure we always had good grades at school, and they’d give us long, time-consuming things to practice at home. They’d schedule tournaments and competitions only weeks in advance and expect us to prioritize it over everything going on in our lives. I joined when I was 5, I left when I was 11. Since about a month before leaving, I’ve been really suicidal and messed up for some reason but I feel like I’m overreacting. My therapist says it was a cult but I think she’s overreacting, I would’ve known if it were a cult and I would’ve left earlier if it were actual abuse, right..?
@melonoctoling
7 күн бұрын
@@parrotparade2562 I can't help you with tips, but I can tell you that leaving abuse is a hard thing to do. If you left earlier, later or at all, it would still be abuse. Controlling your personal life, locking kids in rooms without necessities like food or water, all that is not okay. I wouldn't go as far as to call it a cult, but it's definitely close. From my experience, you can't consciously forget something as traumatic as this. People tend to keep memory of trauma that happens during peak childhood. You are not overreacting. You went through some crazy stuff. I hope you get better, parrotparade.
@parrotparade2562
7 күн бұрын
@@melonoctoling thank you so much, I appreciate it and I hope you’re doing well :D
@ravent138
Ай бұрын
just vibin' 17:48
@W0xlin_
Ай бұрын
I’m tired
@jadedfire4351
Ай бұрын
Real
@Femboy_LoverUwU
Ай бұрын
Same
@pencilwenni
2 ай бұрын
ily Lilyx
@itsEmiko
Ай бұрын
I’m 12. I’m planning on kms at the end of this month or on November 15th. Why November 15th? Because every time I look at a clock it always says 11:15, AM or PM. Why at the end of this month well I wanted to do it earlier like right now and really everyday but it’s because school starts on august 26th and if I get bullied just ONE more time I will jump off my roof or shoot myself. My birthday’s in October so I kinda (?) wanna live till then just because I’ll turn 13 but at the same time nothings gonna change and life is just shitty so there really isn’t any reason. I’ll update this comment every month. When I stop is when I’m probably dead. Stay safe out there guys
@Opened_Oats
Ай бұрын
NO DONT PLZ, THINGS WILL GET BETTER (im turning 12 on nov 15th)
@Opened_Oats
Ай бұрын
i almost killed myself when i was 7 its painful please dont. your loved 💗💗
@itsEmiko
Ай бұрын
@@Opened_Oats thank you, and I’m so sorry that someone so young would have to go thru something that would make them wanna kill themselves when they’re that age. I hope you’re doing amazing rn and if you aren’t I hope you will be doing amazing very soon 💗💗
@conlainn
Ай бұрын
Reading this broke my heart a bit. I remember being in your shoes like it was yesterday. I'm 25 now, and I know you've probably heard it a million times but... it does get, at least, easier. I remember feeling like it was hopeless, and I'll be real there are still days where its hard to find a reason to keep going- but the absence of you will always be felt. The world needs more good in it, more people that can look back and say "I stood where you stood. Let me take your hand, I'll help". Don't let the bastards get you down and remember its okay to cry and ask for help.
@Opened_Oats
Ай бұрын
@@itsEmiko stay safe ok? your strong!!
@Lilianaroxx
9 күн бұрын
i was 7. my 6 yr old cousin touched me.
@Cinnamonrollzzz
Ай бұрын
Am I a bad person?
@allygamerkid0
Ай бұрын
Nobody's a bad person. people may do things that others would say are bad but it's really about perspective I really don't believe anyone is bad because people can always do good things. who am I to tell someone they are evil when what they are doing may feel right to them. You can just follow your heart.. but it's understandable that when you try to help you sometimes hurt the ones you care for. but don't think of yourself as a bad person. because i have faith that you aren't. even if you're a stranger.
@nicophu
Ай бұрын
@@allygamerkid0 Wait what about albert fish
@audieb512
Ай бұрын
Well, why are you asking that?
@allygamerkid0
Ай бұрын
@@nicophu People act the way they do usually in a result of trauma. I'm not saying what he did was right because of course it is wrong very wrong and if i met someone like him in person i would prob start an argument with them- although he clearly wasn't in the right state of mind. Bad people don't think they are bad.what he did was wrong and I hope his victims are resting in peace. Mr. fish's family had a track of mental illnesses i believe he was affected with that, he was psychically abused in an orphanage he was sent too after his fathers passing he was NOT in the right mind and I'm glad he was caught. The things he did were wrong. his actions were wrong. But once again peoples behavior is because of environmental factors and genetic mutations. I have no right to just put someone into a category of bad because he did bad things. when someone can do good things and one bad thing and usually get scolded for that one bad thing. (Idk what to say bro i was just trynna help someone feel a bit better TvT)
@nicophu
Ай бұрын
@@allygamerkid0 i kind of agree but at the same time i dont, cause yes nobody is BORN a bad person, but they can be turned into a bad person. if that makes sense
@pipirrupfromuh
Ай бұрын
how to end it without feeling Pain😀
@SickoPsycho
Ай бұрын
Please dont do it
@Jerry_fromwork
Ай бұрын
Oh, I was about to be a little silly and then realized that this comment is really recent. I love you. I can’t promise shit, but I can tell you there’s a point where the concept of suicide doesn’t even feel real anymore. 💛💛💛💛
@edensilly
Ай бұрын
there is no way, im sorry. even oding you will feel pain, which ive tried. you just gotta go through it, be safe.
@SickoPsycho
Ай бұрын
@@pipirrupfromuh there's a good video on every way and how it hurts to discourage suicide, if you can, watch it, it might help. It helped me when I was about to do something regrettable. Also off topic but Pip lovers unite.
@BabyFacedDolly
Ай бұрын
Bad times in your life are only ever temporary and believe me, there are hundreds of people struggling alongside you. Mostly all of our lives are like this and by that I mean the general population. There are probably people close to you who have experienced similar things but you just don’t know. I say this because I know you could feel alone, or hopeless, but you’re not. Sometimes life hates us but not because it chose specifically us, it just happens. So you push through. Be “selfish”, take care of yourself, and do things that serve your best interest but don’t forget to be kind. Your life isn’t about others, it’s about you, and that’s nothing to be ashamed about. Once the bad moment (hours, years) is over, you’ll be like “ooh, that wasn’t too bad. Oh here comes another one. Oh! That was terrible but I got through it, so it’s proof that I’m strong. Now I know what I can handle, I should respect myself for that.” Most importantly, when you’re comfortable, focus on your future. Try not to let your present decisions hinder that, but if not, that’s okay I don’t mean to rant, but I hope something about that helps, if not now, then later.
@Chii-n7n
6 күн бұрын
49:34 real
@sple3ns
5 күн бұрын
Im so happy I’m not the only one who feels like this. I sometimes feel ungrateful for not listening to their half assed solutions…like let me pour my heart out without having you tell me that there are better ways to cope. I hate solutions and false promises on me getting better by doing said x y and z. In my opinion, the best way i deal with stuff is by venting, since i already have no one to vent to in the first place. Like, let me talk since theres no harm in doing that, is there? My mother just disregards any and all of my words and feelings, while my friend is always the one to intervene and think I’m over reacting. I just want to be and feel heard for once.
@Chii-n7n
5 күн бұрын
@@sple3ns when i would cry my mom would yell at me more telling me to shut up, traumacore is really relatable
@sple3ns
5 күн бұрын
@@Chii-n7n i honestly never knew i was going through any trauma before going back to my home country alone this summer. It was the first time i felt heard, my uncle and aunt would stay up with me in the middle of the night letting me pour all of my feelings out, even hugging me. It me realise how scared i am of interacting with others or doing basic things others do. My mother loves me but she think i have no initiative or respect. She listens to whatever complains my step douche has from me, and she blindly believes in all of them. She always screams at me, telling me to do better, when in fact my step dad just complains about small things. Leaving the door open or a light open in another room is enough to tick him off, he never talks to me so he never tells me shit, but he tells my mother, he loves getting her mad at me. Whenever i open up to her and tell her how much i hate him, she tells me to shut up and say that i should be grateful that he put a roof over my head… sorry for the long paragraph, it just irks me sometimes. So sorry to hear your mother disregards your feelings and wishes, its not an easy thing to go through
@Chii-n7n
4 күн бұрын
@@sple3ns im really sorry for you, i hope you'll get better...
@Alexthefurry-jd3kf
Ай бұрын
Underated
@PlatónStrongman1000
Ай бұрын
Recuerdo que de niño estaba enamorado de Ruby Jerins a su edad de 12 y quería ir con ella a esos lugares, me gustaba mucho esa chica, y este video me recuerda ese viejo y hermoso amor de niño
@aKyVa_u3_uKeu
Ай бұрын
12:33 ..................
@Саномо
Ай бұрын
Папа, почему ты делал больно мне и маме? Мне было примерно 4.
@SkylarThompson-mu1qs
Ай бұрын
Yg>
@goldentiara
2 ай бұрын
🤍
@Mushzhy
9 күн бұрын
It's your fault.
@Mushzhy
9 күн бұрын
It doesn't matter how much you try to explain it, you'll always will be an egoistic and narcissistic asshole who just thinks about themselves and doesn't care about the others.
@jumalakohtuotsus4174
6 сағат бұрын
So I guess he should just apologize then
@Polenhasreturned
20 күн бұрын
Let me vent? Imposter? 🤨
@lysosinswag
12 күн бұрын
please dont scream at me please dont touch there dont scratch me leave me alone i was 9 i had no idea how it would be like that. please leave me alone :(
@kittyChanHikkichan
12 күн бұрын
want a virtual hug bby!🩷?
@lysosinswag
12 күн бұрын
@@kittyChanHikkichan yes please
@jumalakohtuotsus4174
Ай бұрын
0:00 - Dust Collector 0:26 - Just Take My Wallet (Jack Stauber) 1:45 - Still Life (Sitcom) 5:05 - Hey Kids (Molina) 8:56 - Six Forty Seven (Instupendo) 10:53 - Limerence (Yves Tumour) 16:23 - hi (temporex) 17:48 - Tidal Tempest Past (slowed) 21:58 - nice boys (temporex) (slowed + reverb) 26:06 - Deep Swim (Windows 96) 30:23 - school rooftop intro but sadder 32:29 - Homage (Mild High Club) 35:27 - Fallen Down (slowed + reverb) 39:36 - It’s just a burning memory (The Caretaker) 43:09 - Mice On Venus (but make it E X T R A nostalgic) 45:44 - We Don’t Have Many Days (The Caretaker) 49:16 - aglow (karamel kel) 51:35 - Id Rather Sleep (Kero Kero Bonito) 53:28 - New Normal (Jack Stauber) 54:50 - Never (Mag.Lo) 1:01:15 - Late afternoon drifting (The Caretaker) 1:04:50 - canals (pilotredsun) (slowed+reverb)
Пікірлер: 219