hello - how are you?
deep breath
i haven't really been handling the current state of the world very well. gaslighting rampant, lack of depth, rampant. but i guess it's always been like that huh, different, but not so different. a theme i admired about the latest season of 'the bear'.
i think of that clip where lauryn hill, "we don't know love like we should". i'm sorry for those who never reach that depth, their anguish projected. my anguish, projects.
fortunately this layoff has given me the space to focus on myself and realign my futures. i hope for proper allyship, proper love. though, it's so difficult to find. hope, it feels like it's all we can do. and it makes me feel so powerless.
here in seattle, it feels no matter where i reach, i touch shallow water. a bit sad. no, it makes me weep deeply inside. i worry for the future. a constant in my therapy sessions for the past year. we must leave.
[seattle] a place with many allies - ones i cannot find. ones i don't have the energy, time to find. my place of birth.
a place with many very very individual(istic)s, comfortable with the status quo. though i suppose that's just america in general, and the world as the 'west' meant for it to be. a game allies were never meant to win. a game where we lose ourselves as we look for a way out.
i lean on techniques from our ancestors - mindfulness. to combat this deep pain i feel. this great sadness i hold. techniques that have looted, credited to secular colonists. turning our own against our own. are they our own anymore? who do i even trust anymore?
ahh - sorry. a tangent, my deep-rooted trust issues paralyze me.
mindfulness - rooted in buddhist and hindu teachings. 'to live mindfully is to live in the moment and reawaken oneself to the present, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future.'
i've been working on grounding myself. in what i can do, now.
let's talk about this more in our next session.
music - all from my very talented friends :)
chanpan - ❥attack ( • ❥attack )
tyler ransom - get better ( • get better )
socials:
ig, tt - dannyhyu
Негізгі бет making sense of chaos
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