This is by far your best video giving insight on a much deeper level . Once that switch takes place and the narcissist feels he has the upper hand , ( the power ) is when the relationship can never be restored and the process of the relationship being destroyed begins and that is when we see who they really are and what there capable of . Thank you your wisdom on this is amazing and such a blessing to others .
@lollybananas
2 жыл бұрын
same..mind blown
@ThrivePurpleHeart
2 жыл бұрын
I was apparently somehow resetable through childbirth, so he wanted to discard me while literally trapping me, forcing me to come back or stay. Not like you think, coming back--like using police and threat
@marciabray133
2 жыл бұрын
Also agree by far the best explanation of cycle of narcissism. Brilliant video! Thank you so much. Made easy to understand.
@ShadowJerker-st3lj
Жыл бұрын
Yeah dude, makes me angry considering what a psychotic nut his mother is. She’d text him not to have sex with me.
@helenas7416
2 күн бұрын
Incredible! This talk indeed connects all the dots and makes it clear why one will be destroyed if one does not cease contact with the narcissist. There are no “ifs or buts” after listening to this. Thank you so much!
@lorarose8736
Жыл бұрын
This provides so much clarity. For the last 20 years, I’ve never had an actual adult relationship with my husband. He is forceful, direct and totally controlling to the point where I have given up, but at the same time, talks baby talk to me, pats my head, calls me derogatory pet names that are funny only to him and I’ve often wondered why on earth is he acting like a child. Full blown meltdown if I say no to something. Says the most vicious and cruel things to me but then either forgets or denies he ever said these things. I feel so Broken and have severe PTSD. I’ve tried to leave twice. Once I went to an attorney and he took all the money out of our checking account when he found out. Second time, I moved out. He made the kids tell him where I was, and then hovered the life right out of me. I moved back. Nothing changed and if anything, it is worse. Now, I have money in a separate account, have a separate credit card, and contacted an attorney to file for divorce. I’ve never served him actual papers, so I am a little scared as to what is going to happen when he gets them. I’m trying to preserve the small shred of self-worth I have left by leaving him. The only thing good to come out of this are my beautiful children.
@jackilynpyzocha662
Жыл бұрын
Sounds like my dad!
@jackilynpyzocha662
Жыл бұрын
Maybe your husband needs to grow up, instead!
@jackilynpyzocha662
Жыл бұрын
Good for you!
@kallyritter1006
2 жыл бұрын
This is the best video on KZitem explaining narcissistic abuse
@alliegreenwold2631
2 жыл бұрын
After the initial sweep-away romance my ex started to act strangely, ice cold, being bored or not showing up for dates and acting out verbal fights ending in crying and pleading. He then argued he couldn’t trust me because I was so weak and hysterical, but agreed to put up with me. See now why he needed me to be a nutcase. Thank’s Sam!
@cosmicmuffin322
2 жыл бұрын
Although you talked about narcissistic partners not parents, you just explained my childhood and the isolated, cult-like, fever-dream shared existence, and most of all, the psychological despair that emanated from them and that they drowned me in from the start. Thank you for articulating that, I couldn't, except to assume they were depressed - but it's something far more pervasive, devouring, and, like you said, like a horror movie.
@SanjaNovko
2 жыл бұрын
Your words bring such a relief to me for last two years, I get to understand what I went through again and again. And thanks to you I managed to come out of that painful circle. Can't thank you enough, prof. Sam Vaknin..
@runwiththewind3281
2 жыл бұрын
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
@sharenpersaud6746
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for an in-depth analysis on this issue, I have lived through this for 20 years, and never knew what was happening to me, I took the blame for everything that wasn’t going right and lost my voice along the way. It’s been 3 years since he left and I am still healing. This is by far one of your best videos. Thank you for clarifying.
@bethmoore7722
2 жыл бұрын
He thought I was weak. He thought terrorizing me had tendered me powerless. I have CPTSD, which makes me vulnerable to this kind of emotional predation. As I’m 68 years old, none of this was understood, and we were supposed walk through hell and forget it. The forgetting was the important part. But I’ve had therapy, and for some reason, a strong sense of mission in my life. Those led me to the truth, to righteous anger, and to hold crude, bullying behavior in contempt, rather than being terrorized by it. I’ve come to see this behavior as infantile, and only threatening if I allow it. I’m done allowing it. He’s sad, but we’re old, and we need each other. He can either keep being sad, or grow up. I don’t feel entitled to carry my pain around and smearing it on others, and neither should he. Yes, he has now met The Real Mama. Lots of love, no bs.
@painterjack61
2 жыл бұрын
“in a nut-shell” I understood every word and it was a great message for my sub-conscious to hear! and what did it hear? That this traumatic depression that ive been carrying for the past 15 years isn’t mine its his!! Thank you Sam, this video when understood and truly assimilated is profoundly freeing
@Mmmm-z4w3b
9 ай бұрын
Thanks for your comment, I’m 24 and I never understood why I doubt myself sometimes when i know it comes from how my parents spoke to me as a child and my whole life. On one side I feel bad that they are so damaged but there is no room to have a relationship w them, not my problem, I am just starting my life & it’s been pretty adventurous so far. Thanks for making that full circle. Can I ask? After 15 years, do you still have that inner voice shunning you or have you learnt to recognise it and separate it from your true inner voice. Cause sometimes I feel I have a good understanding but I know there is a deeper surface, why I can’t understand right now but I will Thanks for making that full cuticle
@mitzipitcock5789
2 жыл бұрын
My relationship now makes more sense than ever before!! Holy crap!!! Thank you for making it make sense finally.
@johnathonhuson8734
2 жыл бұрын
MY MIND IS MELTING! I didn’t just live through this fantasy, she brought the entire problem into the house! She invited her psychopath father to live with us, I had to deal with 2 of these lunatics, manipulating each other manipulating me!!! I Might have to write you, I don’t think anyone in else in the world could understand the insanity, and I’ve struggled to tell anyone the gravity of how fucked up things got
@willcon4262
7 ай бұрын
Sam, your videos have saved my sanity. Thank you..
@mjohn441
2 жыл бұрын
This is my life with my narcissist. Very profound information, with every video I watch you give me a deeper understanding of what is happening to me. I can't thank you enough on how you have literally saved my life.
@auaticamazon
2 жыл бұрын
This talk was invaluable. This feels exactly like what happened. One time he used his mothers name instead of mine when speaking to me. I felt his fear around love . He is with a new supply now. If I told him he wanted to punish me for the abuse from his mother, could he grasp that ? Or is that so below his consciousness he would deny . Thank you for releasing me from the pain of taking this abuse personally and for reinforcing why no contact is the only solution
@sma5559
2 жыл бұрын
What I will take out of this explanation is that my ex was not able to break me to an extend where he could feel "save enough to leave" me. After 35 years being with him I left him 2 years ago. It took him 5 minutes on a dating platform to find him a new "mother" with whom he moved together instantly (without even knowing her). After 12 months she left him. He took a new "mother" (2 weeks later on a dating platform). Interestingly both women are 3 years older than him and make more the impression a mother than of a girlfriend. His real mother has always made fun of him (ans still does) because of a speech defect he had as a child. She (originally a hairdresser) worked at the kindergarten he went to and afterwards at the school he went to, to control him permanently. The whole family structure is exactly as described in that video. Absolutely stunning... Thanks for the explanation.
@artsyalkalearnandgrowbeaut3731
2 жыл бұрын
I prayed a lot for my narcissist lover to heal. I didn’t know it. These individuals can’t heal due to their complex trap. When I first met him, it felt as if he was trapped in himself. Sometimes I had seen that wounded child in him. It’s very complex. Then I had seen those devilish eyes too. I find it difficult to even think of anything. I felt like cursing him in pain, as I am understanding it. There is nothing to curse these individuals, they are living curse. After watching it, this feels like madness.
@debrahalpren634
2 жыл бұрын
I cannot thank you enough I have been going through this for 10 years I finally understand what is going on
@takasza88
2 жыл бұрын
My father would make me cry and feel suicidal by insults and saying all the bad things about me, and right after that he would say something like " oh, now i feel so much better, its good to have someone like you, i can always count on you, love you lots" i dont know how to live, i just wait for the end.
@believer9258
2 жыл бұрын
Im so sorry the solution is to always see them as kids trying to expand and grow. But for your own sake love people you trust with your heart and allow them to love you focusmoreonthem it will help you grow as an individual. and talk less and think less of your dad.
@fightback397
2 жыл бұрын
My father insulted me through my mother . I left him .
@artsyalkalearnandgrowbeaut3731
2 жыл бұрын
I really love it when you call narcissism as a virus. Thank you for an amazing update on narcissistic abuse. It’s helpful. May God bless you! 😊
@MeowMeow-yw5xt
2 жыл бұрын
He said: "If I only went to another school my life would be so much different, I'm unfulfilled potential" "The reason why I never reached full potential and became superstar at sport is because I was too good at everything I do, so I couldn't focus on just one thing". "I dated the most beautiful women but I could never settle because I always knew it was not what I'm looking for ". Man is 43 btw.
@shaniom913
2 жыл бұрын
This is so clarifying for me. Thank you, Sam.
@yolih692
Ай бұрын
Wow… By far the best understanding of narcissism I’ve encountered. You just explained the last four years of my life.
@jinaneaboujaoude919
2 жыл бұрын
thank u so much… understanding the abuser (the narcissist) makes us feel a little bit better (the survivors) thank u Sam! ur the greatest! ❤️
@amyd1754
2 жыл бұрын
I agree. This is worth its weight in gold. Every word Prof. Sam spoke resonated with me on a level that I've not experienced yet. Still trying to wrap my mind around the complexities and will come back to this profoundly insightful video many more times - filed for divorce after almost 30 years, and what a wealth of info and understanding 🙏💯 thank you Prof. Sam - you are amazing 👏
@romygarcia3782
2 жыл бұрын
I can not thank you enough for this clear explanation ! It’s a relief to finally understand how the mind of a narcissist works and why I feel like I do. Understanding the mechanism will help me to get back on my feet and becoming myself again. Very often I felt as if my partner has been punishing me for the wrong doing of his mother towards him. I even tried to tell him this twice … followed by an extreme narcissistic rage you can’t even imagine. So I felt I had pushed a very sensitive button… seeing this video shows me even more how right I was … so thanks again 🙏
@speakvisionspeak
2 жыл бұрын
I got so much clarity out of this. Thank you so so much!
@johnjohnstone9805
2 жыл бұрын
Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Enter Narcissistic Studies Again. The Dual Mothering Concept Enters The Picture.
@hayleymalinowski4720
2 жыл бұрын
I have been listening to your videos and reading your articles and they are truly eye opening. I grew up with a narcissist mother and realized it when I was 14. I moved out at 19 years old and I am now tryna to find where I belong. My biggest fear in this world is becoming a narcissist like her. Like you said, narcissists are just kids in adult bodies. I slowly realized that I missed out on many childhood things because my mother was draining me and living through me. How do I stop myself from becoming a narcissist? Everything I do, I do with the fear of becoming one. I feel so stuck.
@katarinatomic6085
Жыл бұрын
This is brilliant! I can finally grasp the full depth of their depravity...Unfortunatelly, I think I've suffered this abuse and only recently opened my eyes to it. Thank You, this really was some dots connecting!
@sharontanley6561
2 жыл бұрын
This is helping me in my apartment, that doesn't include my children. Thanks for the information that keeps me belief in building myself into myself again, but with a few more changes that make me aware of the negative actions that impact me to a point of darkness.
@googlydede279
2 жыл бұрын
I have watched dozens of your videos and others and this one succinctly explains it all . Thank you , we ( the lay persons ) never knew any of this ten years ago .
@amandadvogler
2 жыл бұрын
You never fail to amaze and astound me. It's exactly true, exactly my experience and still ongoing since he's tracking me via my phone and showing up, still, 5 years later. I am forever grateful for your immense generosity in sharing the wealth of information and insight into this inconceivable and immensely painful experience. Thank you Sam 🙏❤
@marciestoddard730
4 ай бұрын
Can u get a new phone number
@katemurray3627
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you. You have exposed so much much needed information. How to heal now.
@veronica3591
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, I am healing through my narcissistic abuse, this is extremely helpful!! Thank you doc 🙏🏼😊
@ericaled
2 жыл бұрын
This is really powerful, thank you. The narc's motivation has always been really frustrating for me to understand, but this helps a lot.
@TheDbaby86
2 жыл бұрын
That’s exactly what it is .the hold is sooo strong. I got out a narcissistic relationship 4 years ago. I confined in who I thought was my best friend of 25 years. She seem to be the only only who understood me because she said she went through what I went through with her mother. So talk about the trauma bond…Come to find out she is a damn narc herself. I got rid of her and decided to online date after 4years of trauma with my ex narc. I meet a man online that I was drawn to. He had so many red flags but I still decided to date him. He devalued me on our 3rd date and I still continued to date him craving his validation that I knew I would never get. After a month he discarded and ghosted me. It felt worst than my relationship with the first narc.
@1466dana
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks to you, my life makes sense!! 🙏🙏 toda!!
@778moran
2 жыл бұрын
I cant thank you enough, you made sense to so many things that kept running in my head, why is he trying to destroy me all the time It really made me cry finally understanding it❤
@Specialkfree
Жыл бұрын
Your videos are so insightful. I can’t thank you enough! ❤️
@loraineinspahr8395
2 жыл бұрын
Excellent clarification!!!! THANK YOU, SAM !!!!
@patriciajoseph3035
Жыл бұрын
This an outstanding video. Really helps put narcissistic abuse in perspective.
@potatoe83bong9
2 жыл бұрын
Gosh this was so eye opening
@selinamvula1350
2 жыл бұрын
This is the best explanation . Oh! My God.
@ricksandoval7130
2 жыл бұрын
you are one of my intellectual heroes
@user-qh4qk7kv4u
10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing this information, you are saving lives..
@Daphfouna
2 жыл бұрын
Merci beaucoup professeur Vaknin.
@fulloffiresagittarius2944
2 жыл бұрын
Its taken me 6 years to fight against a narcissist who is a divorce atty. I am ready to fight the good fight! Thank you, I have learned so MUCH! I'm going to email you, I would love to attend the seminar.
@wachtraum9961
2 жыл бұрын
This is really sick, humans are sick!
@ThatsAggravating
2 жыл бұрын
I love how the professor asks us to look up his Hebrew terms of endearment as if we know how to spell those words… lol
@Fururu333
Жыл бұрын
@Prof. Sam Vaknin Have you seen the series The last of us? It is about a fungi pandemic turning people into zombies. It reminded me of (generational) trauma, how it’s passed on and how abusers spread their poison to anyone who comes into contact with them. Those getting traumatised (sick) and on their turn spreading their illness as well. Like how you called it a virus. Plus the fungi penetrating your body, taking over your brain, to me is a very good example of narcissistic abuse.
@thatosegopolo9072
2 жыл бұрын
Amazing, absolutely beautiful👌
@AdamTom-h1q
Жыл бұрын
I really want to thank you. I was watching many of yours videos as I am a victim of NARC and this is nelly 1 year after i escape from it. Grab my 2 bags of belongings and just run. Cutting of a contacts... n starting a journey of healing myself. Most of painful sadistic process. Yes what you describe is just a carry of the top. All this behaviour and personality and relationship is so so fucked up, out of logic out of everything I experience before in my life... and I experience a lot. But some how this relationship was a blessing to me - why? because the shared fantasy it was mine fantasy about my childhood and then the process of killing me and make me mad was EXACTLY THE SAME which I experience as a Child. My Mother all my life trying to kill me, destroying me, she was really the person who should never ever have a children, but she has. I was so shocked that my in y age - 41, I experience exactly THE SAME story... INSAINE full of jalousie competition. You put everything in to the one logical puzzle... yes EVERYTHING WHICH YOU DESCRIBE HAVE A PLACE IN MY LIFE - EXACTLY EXACTLY LIKE THAT including a strong projection on me as BD personality which his mum is. Unbeliveble. We do not have any kind of choice we are just instruments inside f this fantasy, tool to be used as a Mother which he can win with... Thank you so much for your work n analytic mind. YES ALL OF THIS IS FUCKDE UP INSAINE SHIT but its exist. Exist and video like that pushing forward a process of healing as we got that nature to understand what the fuck was happening lol Sophie
@tia6468
2 ай бұрын
I have no idea what you said but i love it its going to keep me learning i have to consult my dictionary and i know that end of this video i learned about narcissism and a few new words Dr Sam you keep my vocabulary growing i always look forward to hearing a new word and you are my go to Professor❤❤
@sandrabischof4818
2 жыл бұрын
This whole behaviour is even more sick when your own mother is the narcissist and this game is played trough your whole life till you end it by going no contact. I always felt like she "needs" something from me, that I have to submit and deliver what she needs, I had to be the adult one even as a kid and don't tell her that her cat has died, preparing christmas surprises with my father for her etc. When she huged me and wanted me to sleep in her bed I knew even as a little child that it was only because of her feeling lonely not because of her truly wanting to gift something to me. And I hated it. Even with the best of all intentions and with completely understanding what may have happend to her in her childhood it has ever or would ever be possible to truly "help" her. She has always been a bottomless pit manipulating the people around her and replacing the actors as soon as they stop fulfilling their role perfectly and stop providing the needed supply.
@DebbieLee-dr3hr
Жыл бұрын
I hear you, sister. Hold your head high- and ❤you move forward with your worth intact.
@KikoSolaris
2 жыл бұрын
This is so insightful...awesome...i got the one or another aha- moment. Thank you, Prof!
@curlycarla
2 жыл бұрын
We love you Minnie 😍🥰
@DebbieLee-dr3hr
Жыл бұрын
Did you hear that Mickey divorced Minnie? She was f*#÷ing Goofy! Sorry needed to rebel a little here
@curlycarla
Жыл бұрын
@@DebbieLee-dr3hr 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️😂
@yanal.k.2355
2 жыл бұрын
Your videos make me understand my life. Thank you.
@tinaturner247
2 жыл бұрын
My statement goes to secondary trauma ... I got diagnosed with a fffed up disease and almost died twice in the first year of treatment. I think knowledge of the effects of secondary trauma made it a little easier to digest people distancing themselves from the situation, and for me to not take it personally.
@tinaturner247
2 жыл бұрын
@@sanfernvalley619 I believe it. I know realize it takes a specific type of strong to deal with tough situations that last more than a day haha
@gemini7903
2 жыл бұрын
💯 % spot on again
@speakvisionspeak
2 жыл бұрын
This is so deep, detailed and thorough. He told me he had a great relationship with his mother but not with his father. Could this be about unresolved conflict with their father as well?
@lovelv1278
11 ай бұрын
No. It’s about the mother & they have blocked the Pain from the mother . My mother says she had a “great” childhood yet destroyed me in every way possible just as he explains . It’s all about the MOTHER . Watch more videos he explains it
@annabystrzanowska-boruch231
2 жыл бұрын
You are Genius!!
@heathermercer3070
2 жыл бұрын
💔 thank-you
@jessicadorsey8483
2 жыл бұрын
Very good. Thank you so much.
@Lana-S
Жыл бұрын
@ Prof. Sam Vaknin thank you for your channel. (I think my Father is a narcissist due to own experiences) always when there is something stressful, sad happening with other people he is on top of it. It almost feels like he get's energy from it, wants to regulate. This is horrible to say I'm sorry but is that because in these situations he is more powerful? Not the one with less power at these moments / not the one who is the smaller person in these situations? Note: I feel his pain so strong, so strong. He was always hurting me he always causes me pain. I'm becoming my own individual at this moment I've gain back my power and he left. I I'm okay with that so no contact, no more. It is sad, if feel sorry for him but it is better for myself. Narcissism is extremely difficult to understand.
@amarleborgne9073
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Dr. Sam Vaknim for this video to connect the dots. You explained that when the narcissist has hammered the original partner by vicarious trauma and narcissistic abuse, the original partner is rendered reduced or helpless. Then the narct goes to discard this original partner. So when the Narcissist finally discards the original partner he/she is “quickly” replaced by a new partner to decrease or avoid the narct’s own abandonment anxiety. And yet, the narct goes into repeat theater performance heaped on the new partner bcz the original partner is introjected in the narct’s mind. Re: Introjection Questions - - Is the original partner permanently “alive” intruding? - - Could this be the reason the narct remains threatened (or angry) with the original partner who was discarded or pushed to discard the narct? - - How is the *introjection play out with the new partner?
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
Vaknin. Search the channel. Do your homework.
@mariah.2024
2 жыл бұрын
He called me Nutti (Mix from Nutte (whore) and Mutti (mom) in german) At that point i already felt like a young failing single mother of a very difficult 2 year old for some time. He even had a tantrum where he threw our bags and himself on the ground near the place of the cathedral and he made himself financially dependent on me and my mini job + money from my parents (I studied at university) although he was 5 years older than me. But i have to add that he already had a severe bodily disease from which he died some years later enforced by his unhealthy lifestyle
@sl3723
2 жыл бұрын
This is excellent!! Thank you
@amyluise1
2 жыл бұрын
I am pretty sure this happened to me. My now ex-husband displays all of this and he and his real mother made me feel uncomfortable since I met them (I mean their relationship together, it was like they were one). So, after he’s humiliated and dominated me through divorce and individuated, is he “better”? Is he healed to some degree? He’s definitely on a high and enjoying his domination. Is he growing up? What is next for him? Is he able to be more healthy and adult in his next relationship? I am trying to go no contact but we have a daughter. Although I miss my family life with him, he never participated in the family we created, instead he became more enmeshed in his family of origin and in his mind protected our daughter from my normal discipline of her and never joined me as a leader in her life choosing instead to have a very childlike relationship with her. Now on his parenting time he takes her to his mothers as that is the new nuclear family. Then he competes with me by taking her to places and activities, but that’s the extent of his relationship with her. There is no parental guidance growth or boundaries. But if I’m successfully beneath him now, will he grow up and be a father.
@amyluise1
2 жыл бұрын
What about my daughter though, what is likely to happen to her?
@thespot2035
2 жыл бұрын
@@amyluise1 if you're serious about doing something you'll definitely listen to this video and KNOW that these are sick creatures that cant be helped.Unfortunately for you,it seems lilw you're keen to stull understand which is a waste of your already wasted time,good luck
@kristimic
2 жыл бұрын
Same thing here.
@a.llewellyn
2 жыл бұрын
❤️ thank you.
@angelamossucco2190
Жыл бұрын
This analysis is clear light a light bulb and aligns with reality. Do you have an additional video or an equivalent video speaking about the unresolved trauma patterns of the person who tends to fall victim to this abuse?
@channa1955
2 жыл бұрын
Very good explanation.I do however know how to turn this power play around.They need , crave, must have the power...but that feeling is fleeting.So you give them just what they want, you complement them, saying things like "I know you're right, you are so smart about (whatever)", " I depend on your guidance so much , because you know about this (whatever) subject", etc, etc.I know you probably just threw up a little in your throat , but just hear me out.You, The Victim, will now be The Victor.So after you have stroked their ego for a bit, the next time , you take it back. You see , by giving him the complements, letting him feel powerful, you are "bonding" him to you.So the next time He is showing off how much he knows, or how good he is at whatever and He's looking for that complement, or you to accquice to his all knowing ego... Instead he gets a silent side eye (followed by a shallow, all too sympathetic smile), or a demur little "But that doesn't make sense, so and so said just the opposite" , followed by a quizical look.Now, He is deflated, he needs you to build him back to what he felt when you were stroking that ego.He is bonded to you and you have all the power.You can keep this going as long as you like.Personally, I have no patience for this kind of man.Ya see, Mother don't play.
@margaretwhelan1475
2 жыл бұрын
Genius
@TheMattjudo26
2 жыл бұрын
Sam, could you speak about the devouring mother archetype? And is the person that would enact the behaviors that a devouring mother enacts always a narcissist?
@TheMattjudo26
2 жыл бұрын
Also, my apologies for the question that doesn't really pertain to this particular video. I'm just thinking of the narcissistic abuse the motives behind it, and it seems to match up with a devouring mother trying to make the kid into a stable source of supply while crippling them at the same time. What about the role of an absent father? The father goes about doing whatever he does and then sort of drops in from time to time and because he knows he's not a constant presence he is by nature apologetic and feels like his role is to support the mother. Isn't he just a flying monkey that's pretending to be autonomous and pretending to be a real person? Maybe he's a real person whenever he's off doing whatever he does, but in so far as his role with the kid who is being devoured he's only a flying monkey, right? Taking his cues from the narcissistic mother.
@Sophh33
2 жыл бұрын
Thankyou 🙏❤️
@clich126
2 жыл бұрын
Vaknin you the man
@xlira4234
2 жыл бұрын
Great Explanation..
@michellecherwak4194
2 жыл бұрын
Is the replacement always a romantic partner? I ask, because my diagnosed vulnerable narcissist, from what I know, seemed to replace me with his sister. Someone who he was not close to when I was the idealized partner. He communicated with her secretly. I'm assuming it was because the smear campaign had begun. I don't know of any romantic partner. My children tell me that there is no one in the picture.
@jennifermerritt6848
2 жыл бұрын
I think they do it to anyone who is close to them like a relative, but the best replacement is the intimate partner. My sister is a narcissist, she tortures the brother in law, but will also do it me when they “break up”… kinda like I’m next in line.
@erin3291
2 жыл бұрын
🎯🎯🥹😔many thanks Dr Sam for this overview 💙
@alealvarez2489
2 жыл бұрын
I feel that each time my partner talks to his parents (who call him more than twice a week!) apart from the daily messages his mother sent...he rages at me for the most stupid things!!! Also when we visit his parents there is always a fight. Is it possible his mother influences him to do so? I feel they have a little twisted relation
@abstractcreations3525
2 жыл бұрын
100%
@Canaday291
2 жыл бұрын
Sounds exactly like the malignant narcissist I divorced. Neglected , ignored and Treated me horribly Especially when around his family .
@lazonyawest5920
2 жыл бұрын
So true... I'm not dealing with it, anymore! It's puredee ridiculous!!!
@veraslawnitsch1194
2 жыл бұрын
What if his father was the one who abused him? Supposedly, my ex and his mom had a loving relationship.
@AdamTom-h1q
Жыл бұрын
I will also put to the process of abuse the part of punishment for the past experience with another people as a complex of punishment served to new partner. We need to remember that years of behaviour does not stop in one point, its growing.
@Curious4006
2 жыл бұрын
How dare you discard Mini cup 1 😐
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
I will hoover her, no worries.
@settha3063
2 жыл бұрын
why do some people like physical things like their house so much more than their own childten
@htmih
11 ай бұрын
21:57 the more he abuses you, the more youre broken and powerless, the more he loves you
@noemibassal6484
2 жыл бұрын
And he died some months after our divorce
@shereenhumphreys2486
2 жыл бұрын
Your amazing 👏
@jensjewels9404
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you professor. What's the Hebrew phrase you used today to address us? I'm not sure how to look it up. You're changing my life and understanding immensely. A million thanks...
@latikabenz6289
2 жыл бұрын
So if he finally was able to put his "mother" in her place, why he keeps looking for new supplies? This never ends?
@latikabenz6289
2 жыл бұрын
@@Swiss-s4b thank you so much, i ll watch that video you suggest. 🙏
@rachelann8275
2 жыл бұрын
For a female narcissist, is she also using her partner to supplant the mother? Or is her intention to dominate her own father ?
@samvaknin
2 жыл бұрын
Her mother. The father has no role in this particular dynamic. Watch the video on daddy issues.
@rachelann8275
2 жыл бұрын
@@samvaknin thank you
@claudialasculescu1157
2 жыл бұрын
💜
@sophiepapoutsaki6480
2 жыл бұрын
What about when the narcissist discards his wife and child and returns to his mother who is also a severe narcistic personality?
@David-zu2bf
2 жыл бұрын
Hello, Could you speak about the enneagram? it s crucial to understand human mind. Take care
@lenaanderson2295
2 жыл бұрын
This one is especially important for me TYSM for this explanation.. I'm healing slowly, always with your videos to help guide me to making sense of my personal nightmare. But the mother/son, mother/lover connection for me isn't making sense.. if he saw me as his mother after the devalue phase, how was it so easy for him to seduce me into bed, so often.. it's just sounding like incestuous, nightmarish, thoughts.. disgusting really.. If you could further explain, have survivors asked you this before? But thank you for all you do 💜
@lenaanderson2295
2 жыл бұрын
@@island4603 ty for this.. I've a feeling the more I delve into this aspect of symbiosis and NPD, and putting the pieces together to understand wtf happened to me, it's going to get rough.
@compadre9783
7 ай бұрын
And what happens when the partner refuses to be a victim during the discarding stage and dumps the narc in the most unpleasant way?
@samvaknin
7 ай бұрын
Search the channel’s relevant playlists. Search the channel for “first”.
@mageniris
2 жыл бұрын
genius
@christelarens8249
Жыл бұрын
Mentally at least, yes.❤
@channa1955
2 жыл бұрын
It's funny my kid told me today "You are not the strong woman who raised me, where did you go?". I fear she is right.After months of " Silent Treatment", Mind games, etc it stands to reason I wouldn't be untouched.I do believe he was very traumatized as a child growing up in a poor country.I know he worked on a farm slaughtering animals, I'm thinking he was still a teenager.As a Vegan, I've seen those smuggled films of slaughter houses, horrible! I feel so bad for him, but I can never show that because he'd hate me for it.
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