last time i showed my inner emotions and worries to my girlfriend , she lost interest in me and left me a few weeks later . it is what it is . we are alone in our ocean . we should either try to swim hard and get somewhere in life or drown . no ship will come .
@DrMaikaSteinborn
4 ай бұрын
Hope you find someone to swim beside you that cherishes your inner world ✨
@233kosta
4 ай бұрын
You got to keep that sh!t among the bros for that reason 😮💨 Also need to find.good bros 🤔
@austinbrewer2680
4 ай бұрын
I second this. My struggles were weaponized against me and used as ammunition to shame and control me by my ex-wife. I don't trust people anymore
@cochi256
4 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed with OCD about a year and a half ago, and around two years ago my still unknown disorder was crippling me to the point were I got laid off from a job that was the main source of income for me and my girlfriend at the time. A few months later I did the ultimate error of opening up with her about my disorder and how it probably was the main reason why I got fired from the job. Her response? Exploded against me, and siding with my former employees saying things like "who wouldn't fire you if you were just staring at your screen for hours?" Friends, sometimes not even your so called partners are with you
@glenpudney
4 ай бұрын
So sorry to hear your girlfriend left because you showed vulnerability. And you know what, the way I see it is, is that’s her loss, not yours.
@DavidBessette-o5m
4 ай бұрын
When it comes to male issues ,we don't want to be talked down by women but rather talk to another male who has been through this before !! I lived this nightmare and when I cried for help I was met with terrible psychiatrist women who were more interested in drugging me than help me deal with the raw feelings of depression and severe trauma!! When men need help ,they need other men because they can relate to them easier !!
@tomknecht9969
4 ай бұрын
I get really tired of being talked to by women on what masculinity is and not addressing or holding accountable the pressures women place on men. How would women feel about a man telling women what femininity is and hiw what you are doing is wrong?
@1chumley1
4 ай бұрын
I think it's better than the alternative.
@richerDiLefto
4 ай бұрын
Men do tell women what femininity is, but this video is about the other way around.
@Muttinchopsforever
4 ай бұрын
Women mostly don't care
@L6FT
2 ай бұрын
Having an emotionally stable non judgemental person witness your life along the way, is worth more than gold. I had a dear friend who died and was that to a lot of people, the loss still hurts.
@mantislazuli
4 ай бұрын
Everytime I showed vulnerability with a romantic partner, at best the woman lost all interest in me and left me when I was at rock bottom, or at worst weaponized the vulnerability I showed her. I'm 36 yo, no one will support you when you're a man, especially not your romantic partner. I'm turning more and more misogynistic / misanthropic, I don't like who I'm becoming while thinking of self-del, but it's like young women nowadays only care about themselves, and don't want to be bothered supporting their partner when they need help, instead they just see that as a sign that you're no longer a confident provider and they'll start monkey branching.
@nieczerwony
4 ай бұрын
Unhealthy risk is the thing. For me it is always going out and looking for troubles, ans getting into fights. For me also motorbike rides are very therapeutic.
@spinnetti
4 ай бұрын
Women generally look down on men who show any vulnerability, so we usually don't. I must be an unusual dude as I don't do any of these things except maybe risk taking, but I do that anyway. As others mentioned, an older, wiser dude who you can relate to is safe way to open up. Trouble is, there aren't many of those around. Its also important to cultivate friends. It can be banal like a sports related thing or something more substantial, but we need to have other men we can talk to but that takes time and effort to nurture. Don't get in an echo chamber though, interact with people with different views to triangulate your views and foster growth rather then some kind of narrow view. Another challenge is that things that cause depression for a man are things he can't solve without significant impact to those that depend on him - dead end job, marriage coming to an end, loss of purpose, caring for elderly parents etc. Instead many men will just soldier on and do thier duty to family instead of taking care of his own needs.
@Sarcasmarkus
4 ай бұрын
Also men do emote differently it isn't all social conditioning, if someone says they're angry you don't have to dismiss their experience and say "really its some other emotion." Yeah, there's going to be other emotions going on, but that doesn't mean getting pissed off is invalid and other emotions traditionally associated with masculinity aren't equally valid, and they don't necessarily "need a good cry" framing it like its all about touchy feely emotions could put off masculine men from seeking help. An alternative way of framing the problem that i think is more useful is that you can look at it as they're "too strong a person" and that they push themselves too hard and its wearing out their nerves system because thats also literally true.
@bobpickle769
4 ай бұрын
I was in weekly talk therapy sessions for two years with 3 different counselors. All the talk therapy did was bring me down and resulted in me ruminating more instead of doing real things in my life. So much talking in circles and absolutely none of the claimed “pressure release off my chest” from talking to someone about my problems. No epiphany moments from understanding the origins of my thoughts and feelings or from understanding the origins of thoughts and feelings in the people in my life. I got continually worse for the first 6 months and then stayed there for about a year and a half. I feel better after stopping talk therapy. Men and women are different. The biggest error men and women can make when attempting to understand the opposite gender is assuming they think like you do.
@crew-coloradoriverentertai5197
4 ай бұрын
Great presentation of a difficult topic❤
@stevevail9309
4 ай бұрын
Don't listen to Yankee nonsense!
@Jamhael1
4 ай бұрын
Ma'am, Psychologists should stop treating male and female depression AS THE SAME THING!
@tomhohl4373
4 ай бұрын
EVERY time I shared my struggles with anyone, friends, family, parents. teachers, lovers, bosses, etc. it immediately resulted in a deep plunge in their respect for me. Some relationships were permanently damaged, others ended completely. Some told me to "Man up! soldier!" Others invalidated me. In my long life, showing vulnerability has never resulted in anything but damage to relationships. At best. Then there's weaponization. Sharing burdens can potentially lighten the loads, but for a man, the odds are against it.
@Sarcasmarkus
4 ай бұрын
If you don't express it in a feminine way they generally won't act quite the same. If you say "your fuckin exhausted" thats more masculine than saying your feeling sad or depressed. Or if you're worrying or have anxiety about something you can say "you have to sort some bullshit out" or "i'm fucking freaking out over here" Generally using cuss words and avoiding touchy feely words makes it a bit more socially acceptable 😂
@kendracrippen
3 ай бұрын
@@Sarcasmarkus As much as it makes me I guess sad that you and probably men in general feel like they have to, or not just feel that way that is just the reality in our current society, edit the way you share your inner feelings, it does actually help to see you say this. It hasn't ever clicked that maybe there's a subtext when my man says that to me. I just have taken it at face value. I will now make sure to try to be a bit more open minded when hearing phrases like this.
@Sarcasmarkus
3 ай бұрын
@@kendracrippen ❤️
@kennethb4990
4 ай бұрын
From a man's perspective, i generally don't see a lot of sympathy for men and men's issues whether we're talking about male loneliness, deaths of despair or high suicide rate. It's particularly difficult as a (political) leftist myself to hear like minded people say things like "men just need to fuck off" or "you built this world, now live in it", or "figure it out yourself" or somehow "bootstraps" your way out. It just makes it that much more difficult to be vulnerable and connect... I'm not suggesting there aren't things I can't do (i can), but rather there also needs to be a social shift in how we view men much like women's rights/liberation.
@mantislazuli
4 ай бұрын
There are as many toxic people on the left than in the right (I qualify as economic leftist). Most Feminists have extreme misandry, and the only thing to do to protect your mental health is to kick them out of your life. They want 80% of men to be six feet under, they never wanted "equality". They are our enemies.
@thiccactus
4 ай бұрын
I highly doubt "the left" will ever care about males since in their eyes, we are the oppressors that have been holding everyone else down in the name of a patriarchy that never existed in the first place.
@Sarcasmarkus
4 ай бұрын
Red pill & mgtow are the social movements
@TrebizondMusic-cm6fp
2 ай бұрын
Feminism is the attitude that men *still* aren't doing enough to provide for women's ease.
@brendanthompson7659
Ай бұрын
100% agree. Every time I be totally vulnerable with women they shut me down. I think this video is very misguided unfortunately
@fischer9001
4 ай бұрын
the problem? society as a whole. its sick. nothing I can do about it.
@banthatracks_gaffisticks
4 ай бұрын
I've been this way since I was 12. It was then I realized that no one cares. When no one cares it doesn't matter what you do. This means you can do anything. 💪🏾
@richardmthompson
4 ай бұрын
While you feel alone in this feeling I guarantee you are not. There are many of us out there struggling with this damned world where you can't be honest about how you feel because people just don't want to hear it. Some day we will find our way through this hell. Do what you know you need to do and keep moving forward. What else can we so as men? Keep taking the steps until the mud isn't so deep any more.
@Sarcasmarkus
4 ай бұрын
People do care just not how you want and when you want them to and if the people in your life genuinely make you feel like no one cares about you, then you probably need better people in your life.
@nodriveknowitall702
4 ай бұрын
"Real men." You're not a proper representation of one of your societal caste roles unless you do xyz.
@233kosta
4 ай бұрын
Any time I hear a woman say "real men do X", it's usually something entirely self-serving. A very poorly veiled attempt at manipulation. Causes me to lose all respect for the person who said it. A relatively small minority tries to make it look like they care on occasion, but the motives begin to shine through soon and I've yet to encounter one who did it out of pure empathy.
@Sarcasmarkus
4 ай бұрын
@@233kostadudes say crap like that all the time as well. If they say "Just man up" " Feel free to say "bro my foot is broken i'm going to see a doctor"
@233kosta
4 ай бұрын
@@Sarcasmarkus Lol fuch them too, I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@Neoteny374
4 ай бұрын
Calling us defective women is not helpful in the least.
@dnwiebe
4 ай бұрын
You're not going to successfully treat male depression by shaming men for not being depressed the way women are depressed and trying to turn them into women. As a matter of fact, when a man is depressed, having a woman in his face preaching to him about _just about anything_ is usually counterproductive no matter how well it's intended. When a man is depressed, one of the things that might help him is not a woman at all, but an older, more mature man. No, not a woman saying things she imagines an older, more mature man might think he needs to hear: an _actual_ older, more mature man. There are some things women simply can't do as well as men can no matter how feminist they get. The other thing that might help him is having somebody to help. I personally really enjoy teaching children about stuff their parents and teachers find difficult to teach them--math, physics, chemistry, software development, other hard sciences; but it doesn't have to be children, and it doesn't have to be hard sciences. Soup kitchens are great. Free stores are great. Ex-offender ministries are great. Nursing homes are great. You don't think you can get your man interested in something like that? Well, this is where a concerned woman _can_ help, provided she is willing to hang up her feminism for an hour or two. Pick something you know the man is good at, and has successful experience in. Then arrange to have a high-profile problem in that area somewhere where he can see you. Ask him for help if you must, but it'll be more effective if he sees your problem himself and chooses to help. And once he helps you, shut the hell up and don't fricking preach at him about it! Helping you--even if you don't need it, as long as you don't let him know that--will A) take his mind off his own issues, and B) demonstrate to him that he has a measure of control over his environment, which is always the A-number-one element to fighting male depression. A man who has successfully rescued a damsel in distress--as opposed to a man who has been preached at by a woman about how men in general and he in particular are hopelessly inferior to women and should aspire to be women--is suddenly going to be much more amenable to rescuing other people, which is only going to make him feel better and more powerful. Belittle and emasculate men, if you like, if it makes you feel better and more feminist; but don't expect it to heal their depression. That's just stupid.
@spinnetti
4 ай бұрын
I don't see how feminism has anything to do with it, but the other points are good.
@dnwiebe
4 ай бұрын
@@spinnetti I think the female-supremacist attitude essential to feminism is probably the source of the mindset that the only reason men have problems is that they’re not womanly enough.
@idongchangkin
4 ай бұрын
I appreciate that this came up. Men with depression is a stigma in my area. My wife left me after our little kiddo passed on. I feel alone trying to recover from everything. Thank you for this push, Dr. Maika.
@certifiedhoarder
4 ай бұрын
Im deeply grieved for you, and i pray for peace and restoration over your broken heart.
@matthewsantos6551
4 ай бұрын
I’m running into this issue a lot in therapy recently. I feel terribly guilty for admitting or thinking about admitting how bad I’m actually doing so some times I can’t say what I actually need to say. Which, slows the therapeutic process down. Being honest about how small or weak or pathetic I’m feeling is a threat to the ideals I’ve been conditioned to represent. I fucking suck at talking about myself and sharing my emotions and life and I fucking hate it. I think I’m still afraid that if people find out who I really am they won’t accept me and that’s a pain that I never want to feel again. So, I try to protect that part of myself by never letting people get there. I had a painful relationship when I was 20 and that did things to me that I’ve never recovered from. I’m almost 30 now and I haven’t been with anyone since. I’m in so much pain, but I’m still failing again and again to do what I want so badly. Just connect with someone. Just be a fucking person. I hope it’s not to late for me. I don’t want the rest of my life to be like this.
@kennyried8650
4 ай бұрын
The one thing that I strongly disagreed with was that talking about things makes it easier. I felt like I had been ripped open and it actually made my depression worse. I was raised to be the traditional man. Anger has been a major issue with my depression. Couple that with panic attacks, and it becomes a nightmare for the person on the other end of. it. I deeply regret those times. I think I had a good therapist, but our schedule's didn't work so I found another one. She didn't listen to me at all. The last 15 minutes of my last session with her was watching her respond to a text and then start printing paperwork and signing things. I think I am done with that.
@andrewgreen6429
4 ай бұрын
As a 58 year old man now who’s had anxiety, panic attacks and depression since age 20, I remember trying to explain to my family what was happening to me. I got bewildered looks and an unwillingness to talk or listen. I remember my Mum of all people sounding irritated and telling me our doctor would give me a good talking to. So time went by and I would hear derisory comments about ‘so and so going bonkers’ etc until I finally realised I’d never been heard at all and never would be. So I locked it all up until a suicide attempt finally made my family realise I needed help. And yet all these years later it’s my wife and daughter who are listening if I’ve had a bad day
@voyager2135
4 ай бұрын
I'm glad you are still here with us. I hope life gets better for you.
@DrMaikaSteinborn
4 ай бұрын
I‘m glad to hear you have family now that listens ❤️
@andrewgreen6429
4 ай бұрын
@@voyager2135 Thank you ❤️
@andrewgreen6429
4 ай бұрын
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thank you too ❤️
@wii58739
4 ай бұрын
Not being listened and understood is so damn mentally painful... good to hear you are alive, take care
@valoranderson3755
4 ай бұрын
I don't need to worry about my depression all I worry about is the gym
@Neoteny374
4 ай бұрын
No, no, no, no,... Talking about (admitting your fears) is not helpful to men at all. Feeling heard and validated is not a solution to male depression. Not expressing your emotions as much as women do doesnt mean theres something wrong with you. We're different, is all. We need a purpose beyond our circumstance. A task to work our way out.
@BigG6179
4 ай бұрын
The most simple advice I can give men is to learn how to build proper muscle and try eat a healthy diet about 80 to 90% of the time. This will get your sleep, and focus under control. It is okay to show positive emotions to your women, but try not to overwhelm her with the negative ones. Just take a deep breathe and keep working on yourself. If you are having anxiety attacks, you probably have high cortisol and a poor lifestyle. My therapist got me back on track.
@mikesmith6594
4 ай бұрын
As a man I've experienced depression & anxiety for years well ever since I was a child especially since I've been betrayed most of my life . Tend to bottle up things inside myself and get very angry when people do me shitty and having heartburn , hernia disks , feeling like I don't belong . Thanks for the upload on this topic ! Namaste .
@ARouser15
4 ай бұрын
Oh I love watching videos of women telling us about men. Almost as much as women love watching videos of men telling us about women.
@Sarcasmarkus
4 ай бұрын
100% Agree, But for some reason we as a species, not just a society have certain biases towards the genders. It seems to me that world tends to listen to touchy feely more traditionally feminine stuff better if its from a women, and listen to things that are traditionally masculine stuff like combat and machines and fishing and stuff if it comes from a dude🤷♂️ Thats also why the female mra people get more followers.
@winstonwilson9172
4 ай бұрын
Well I'm a Man and I Cry about things in private and I cry openly sometimes at funerals like everyone else
@gregvanpaassen
4 ай бұрын
I hope Dr Steinborn reads the comments that say opening up just makes men objects of contempt. Men don't open up because opening up just isolates a man further. The opposite of what she says in the video.
@Muttinchopsforever
4 ай бұрын
Truth female therapists are the worst
@joggerino3284
4 ай бұрын
These warm word sound good and caring, but in reality, never show your weakness. Sooner or later it will be used against you. Do not think you are the exception.
@Sarcasmarkus
4 ай бұрын
A therapist can keep a secret.
@Trey50Daniel
4 ай бұрын
Sorry, men are not women. Talking about our problems doesn't help. We need to DO SOMETHING. Plus, no one is going to care when we talk. It's better to just push through.
@portableportal
4 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for touching on this topic ♥
@HeiwaJones
Ай бұрын
It is a very diplomatic video. Well done. But I would advise that telling depressed people to 'just open up' and 'it's ok, everyone is here for you'' is a very toxic lie, which has definitely ruined many men. You need to understand, that not everyone is as reciprocating as you might be to a man opening up. And I could not help but notice, your solution was to tell a man to do something. It is genuinely helpful advice made in good faith and I thank you for that. But, it is still directed as a task to men. I know you do not intend to say this, but this is a very inbuilt mentality of almost every human. Help is supposed to find people in need, OR the 'help' is shamed and deemed useless, as it should be. People in need of help, statistically, often don't want help, so HELP NEEDS TO FIND PEOPLE IN NEED. but men are not part of the 'people'. Men in need are supposed to find help, as you said. It is a very different message, in opposition to other communities. I think telling men to 'just open up', when most people around them can not handle that(as evident from you comment section...not all but enough), is somewhat a toxic advice. I appreciate your feeling in the message, but the message itself might be harmful in some sense. Most men now have already heard this advice. Internet works via fibre optics...thats near light speed information travel. Humans do not have a delay in getting advice anymore. Everyman knows that 'they just need to open up', yet the suicide rate is increasing. I hope you understand what I am trying to say! Have a good day/afternoon/evening/night!
@TrebizondMusic-cm6fp
2 ай бұрын
"Dominant" - that's the taint in the concept. "Dear men, don't you want to lay down that burden of dominance that society lays on you? Go ahead and do it: we like you better without it. We like you better when you share your feelings. We're not 'society' - that's some sinister external force that we all should fight against in solidarity, right? Join our loving rebellion and lay down that burden of all this conditioning to be masculine, be your authentic selves. We'll like you better." Men have long since learned not to be so foolish as to fall for that. We can smell the taint, and when someone comes around offering a mix of nine truths and one lie, we are wise to hold out - all our lives if necessary - in hopes of finding someone who may offer us a safe space for openness without that taint.
@ozzycortes
4 ай бұрын
Men should never be vulnerable around their GF or Wife. It shows weakness and she’ll lose respect for you.
@brendanthompson7659
Ай бұрын
Here’s the thing though. I’ve only had negative experiences when I open up. Why would I keep opening up when I get shut down?
@DrMaikaSteinborn
22 күн бұрын
To find the person it's safe to do with 💖
@brendanthompson7659
21 күн бұрын
@@DrMaikaSteinborn how do I do that?
@Muttinchopsforever
4 ай бұрын
When my wife died last dec it was women who told me to be strong and its was women who where cruel and cold an petty that made me realise i need to suffer in silence if i was to ever to get over my pain . To all men look inward the answers are in yourself never tell a woman your feelings they are only there to tear you down
@dera2910
4 ай бұрын
This just isnt true. I cannot help but express my problems to people. Im an artist i do it everyday. The problem is that nobody cares about men and there problems. Whenever a man talks about a problem someone, especially psycologist, comes along and says thats not a real problem or women have it worse or you just need to do better or work harder because you are the cause of tour own problems. Therispist will never be able to help men if they do not start being honest about how people treat men and there problems.
@flobba123
4 ай бұрын
sure i show emotions, i told a girl i know that i feel real bad but im taking care of it myself, she did show support and i do feel better now
@Chris-hp2gg
4 ай бұрын
The one thing about depression is that you get alot of rest.😂
@Thagy1973
4 ай бұрын
😂
@Muttinchopsforever
4 ай бұрын
I didn't sleep that's a problem within itself but warm milk help me
@markfennell1167
4 ай бұрын
I agree with you when you say that talking doesn’t help. Talking about a problem does nothing. We know the problems. We need our practical solutions. And here’s the message that is really important The reason has increased dramatically in recent years is because the way society has deliberately been manipulated to destroy good men. At the core is Marxism and feminism The solution is for all men to unite together to fight the battles and restructure our society There is no point in individual men fighting their personal depression alone because what we need to do is organize strategize, and fight World War II to defeat the forces which have destroyed society and reclaim our powers So if you were ever depressed, remember this, the battle is not within you. The battle is most definitely out there, and we must unite as the band of Brothers to take and defeat those dark powers.
@L6FT
2 ай бұрын
Men shouldn't cry infront of a woman that hurt or abandoned him, it'll ruin the dynamic. Best to silently walk away respecting her wishes, and let her come back when she feels the weight of her decision. The more abruptly a person disappears the more a loss is felt. It's an energy exchange.
@Scorned405
4 ай бұрын
A real man would not let depression get a hold of him. A real man defeats depression
@Muttinchopsforever
4 ай бұрын
Its all about realising it and facing it head on it still a struggle but one that can be overcome
@coreyself2983
4 ай бұрын
Well i suppose a hedonist would ignore his depression and self indulge the depression away?
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