I describe Cognitive Dissonance, as being beaten with a baseball bat over and over, the whole time the Narc is saying "I love you, I love you"!
@wakenow225
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah pretty much
@catherinepraus8635
2 жыл бұрын
Yup then blame you for " making" them do it 🙄😒 it's truly sick
@The_authentic_queen_
2 жыл бұрын
Same here! They are so textbook
@RedDragonProtection
2 жыл бұрын
Yeap, but mine tells me she hates me and it's my fault. ;/
@tracymullane8818
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly 💯
@Gregoryismnz
2 жыл бұрын
"We both lost something. You lost me and i lost time ..."
@sage9836
2 жыл бұрын
That sounds like the start of some good song lyrics.
@indimusiq
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe one way to punish a narcissist is by recovering from what they've done to you, and by flourishing! Even if they never become aware of this "better off you" you'll know, and that's what truly matters..
@debbieeads9151
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. Your videos are really helping me. I'm so glad you share these videos .
@corneliaharlovic1598
2 жыл бұрын
Flourishing is a wonderful word to live by. Thankyou Indimusiq…Your comment just made my day better.
@SwimminWitDaFishies
2 жыл бұрын
There's a saying that I heard 50 years ago and it's still true today in 2022 -- Living well is the best revenge.
@debb4598
2 жыл бұрын
And...no one gets off the planet alive. Believe in karma!!
@larissabrewington9065
2 жыл бұрын
The BEST way to punish a Narc is toe NEVER deal with them. Unfortunately there is work and family, but AS LITTLE interaction as humanly possible.
@lunaaurora2213
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Carter, you are a treasure of a human being. You explain narcissism in such a clear and understandable way. Best channel ever! Thank you☺️
@summerbee9748
2 жыл бұрын
I agree. Through my journey I always listened to Dr. C but as I went further through my journey I went back and really listened and accepted what Dr. C was saying and it is truly profound when you accept what he’s telling us. Love Dr. Carter!
@luffypupperstien2706
2 жыл бұрын
“You can yell at them” This cracked me up because when I break down and try to Reason with or Reach even Plead with the narc he says “Why are you yelling at me!?” This usually makes me run away and cry but one time I said “This isn’t yelling this is just talking, THIS IS YELLING!” Ya he got to call me crazy and “win” the prize of being a wonderful person married to a loon but when I look back I laugh I don’t think it was so weak or crazy of me.
@sammylhpate9382
2 жыл бұрын
RED FLAGS OF NPD: 1: NO EMPATHY 2: NO ACCOUNTABILITY 3: SUPERIORITY 4: GRANDIOSITY 5: DISMISSIVE
@mostHigh23
2 жыл бұрын
I dismissed all those signs. And I still don't know why well yes I do I think it's because I was wanting a man. It started off so well and then I ended up in hell.
@mostHigh23
2 жыл бұрын
And I literally thought he loved me and I believed everything he said so the other stuff I couldn't see was like you can't see the forest for the trees.
@malwads1836
Жыл бұрын
Don't forget the red 🚩 that their interpersonal relationships revolve around exploitation.There's plenty of red 🚩s with narcs...Dr.C needs to sell posters of all the recognized red 🚩s🤗.
@katiehodson6668
2 жыл бұрын
I like what you said at the end. “None of us are ever a finished product.” I feel that shows the difference between us and the narcissist. We are self reflective and change our behaviour as needed. Always learning and evolving. The narcissist is how they are, how they’ve always been, how they always will be. They are the finished product as they don’t need to change. Thank-you for sharing your knowledge with us.
@humbob2845
2 жыл бұрын
truth
@irisgreene4175
2 жыл бұрын
OT… I thought you were my sister, my last name is Hodson too 👍 (living in L.A., a ton of Hodson relatives I never met in Kansas) Have a good one ❤️
@katiehodson6668
2 жыл бұрын
@@irisgreene4175 hello from Australia! There are many of us here also ☺️
@leeboriack8054
2 жыл бұрын
Great summary!👍
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
That's spot on, mine all seem to have gotten stuck and severe growth stunt in the teenage years and very little since. Now the latest excuses are well now we're too old to learn! I've noticed they have a complete aversion to learning near anything! Interpersonal or otherwise!! They aren't about the journey but about the destination. It speaks volumes ato why i can count on one hand the useful advise I've ever received in 56 years from my n,fam!! Tbh I'd have been better off if they had when I was a child given me an allowance and set me up in my own home and said get on with it! We do know anything and we aren't going to tell you anything useful but we will make you feel bad if you stay around!✌
@amandabaker3880
2 жыл бұрын
Dealing with a narcissist is emotionally draining. Thanks Dr. C for reminding us we are on the right track. Always doubting ourselves due to years of abuse.... without validation we can feel lost and lose confidence.
@mandymckeown8625
2 жыл бұрын
So true 👍
@wendyelliott6828
2 жыл бұрын
Yes Amanda, we have a long journey ahead. Not needing external validation is the goal!
@rwdchannel2901
2 жыл бұрын
It helps to know it wasn't just you.
@lynnekulick3262
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, so true 👍🏻
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
@@rwdchannel2901 truth👍
@jahlive1243
2 жыл бұрын
I know…I’ve tried. He ends up insulting me and trying to convince me that I’m the narcissist. Besides that, I can never finish a sentence anyway. So draining to attempt a conversation period….even about the weather and I’m not exaggerating. I barely speak at all now. I just let him talk and I zone out.
@catnip458
2 жыл бұрын
Yet another enlightening session. Dr. C, you are a very kind man. Thank you for sharing your expertise -free for all. I know this is saving my sanity 🙏
@Chris-kz3jf
2 жыл бұрын
My daughter is already in therapy and I can’t afford it for myself, so I’m so great full for these videos you put out.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
You're why I do the videos, Christine. Dr. C
@summerbee9748
2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism you’re so awesome! ❤
@tahiyamarome
2 жыл бұрын
I so appreciate this calm, clear break down of the behavioral repertoire. A way that has helped me accept narcs as they are without trying to know whether they are good or bad is to describe their mindset as extreme self-reference. Everything they think, feel, or say is only ever rooted in themselves. They are cognitively incapable of referring to the world outside themselves. If it's not them it's not real. All their maps of reality are of them. Nothing else is remotely real to them.
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
That's is soooo true, I'm struggling with severe illness and narc fam. I shall keep this in my handy mindset toolbox. Everything is referenced through themselves, and accordingly they believe that's all they ever need to know. I struggle most with my. Mom now 80, being sick for 6 years now and no end in sight I've found her mindset and reactions and words tleaf me to this and other channels. It's a hard lesson to learn right now but you're right, self referential literally no insight. My mom has gone so far as to downgrade any introspection and looking at things me deeply. It's very sad as I will never get the support nor the relationship before one of us passes on✌
@AlastairjCarruthers
2 жыл бұрын
I've been involved with just two narcs in my life - a long-term friend a few years ago, and a partner more recently. There was an overlap between the two, during which I confided in the second (who was still love-bombing me) about the first (who was far past that). Interestingly, narc 2 didn't understand what I was talking about AT ALL. I told her all about the lies, the gaslighting, the silent treatment, the projection, the lack of accountability, the rage tantrums, the grandiosity... And she saw no issue with any of it. She honestly thought it was all perfectly normal behavior. If that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is.
@RedDragonProtection
2 жыл бұрын
Years ago my Narc and I were reading the 5 Love Languages book. She stated multiple times "that's so crazy. Why would anybody even think that's love". Then we come to the acts of service. "Now that's real, this one is correct". She would dog at, laugh at, and downgrade the 3 she didn't agree with while she praised the 2 that made since to her. Stating that she could write this book better. We never finished the book due to the false nature of the author. I never had a clue back then. I wish I knew about this disorder before we got married. I've learned a ton for next time tho.
@sammylhpate9382
2 жыл бұрын
Linda Goodman. Author.
@MrRandy1221
2 жыл бұрын
Malignant, covert are the worst!!!
@judysangregorio2787
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, narcissists are so infuriating because they enjoy shaming those they can’t stand…or those not in agreement with their shenanigans. They only bond with their “flying monkeys” because those are the only people who will validate their sickness. So pathetic to live life like that.
@emmaharper860
2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely
@lynnekulick3262
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, happens alot
@emariaenterprises
2 жыл бұрын
Ignore their crap and be happy anyway. You do have to watch out for their sabotage though.
@rythm95
2 жыл бұрын
While they blame you for sabotaging.
@emariaenterprises
2 жыл бұрын
@@rythm95 yes... if it's entirely untenable there's always leaving.... but that has its own downsides.
@m.skinner6303
2 жыл бұрын
My former childhood friend Stacy is a full-fledged narcissist w/ the perfectionism, phony smile, and using people for a means to a end. I stopped talking to her when she started dating/ using this rich guy, he wasn't even her type blond / blue eye guy. He was engaged to get married to another gal, they had the their wedding paid & planned out. While cheating on his fiance w/ Stacy, he takes Stacey to Vegas and they get married. He comes back, breaks it off with his fiance. Horrifyingly sadly, the young girl commits suicide, she jumped off the highest Hwy 599 in Florida. Stacy & Paul don't even care the poor girl killed herself. They go on a honeymoon, when they get back, they intended to use the same room he paid for for a reception party for the other girl. But before stacy left for the honeymoon, she asked if I could babysit her little girl. This is where our friendship ended in its tracks. I said NO, and then she said well are you coming to the wedding reception. I was like Noooooo! What you're doing is wrong, she argued with me that know it's not wrong. Still to this day, Stacy at age 58 thinks she had nothing to do with that girls death. ( You don't date married men, engaged men and men in relationships.) Only insecure narcissistic women do this type of stuff, without thinking of the regards of others. Stacy also, broke up a marriage prior w/ her slimy lawyer boss married with two kids. They moved with each other, he ended up cheating on her. She contribute to ruining a family and a young girl's life. I haven't talked to her in 35 years, I ran into her 5 years back, she asked me how do I perceive her. I didn't even respond because you cannot explain to a narc that they're a narc. THEY DO NOT GET IT!!
@foxiedogitchypaws7141
2 жыл бұрын
Wow, M.Skinner, just wow. That sounds like if there could be a law that they would be arrested,they deserve to be. You didn't say how her family took their daughter ending her life. So very sad. She could have had a really good life without him. My ex died 3 years ago from a heart attack, I got really upset, married over 30 years,3 children and I was stuck still in what we could have had if only he wasn't violent. He went on and married 2 more times moving in with them, telling them he was going to build them a house bla BLA BLA, lie after lie. Wife died after 3 years, found her in the kitchen on the floor 🤔, wife 3 and him argued over who spent 3.00 on milk ,she knew exactly what he was like, they went to school together. He didn't want to spend 20.00 on his blood pressure medication, so she gave him hers for 3 weeks. She wasn't going to spend her money on his medicine. That marriage last 7 year's. At his funeral,his sister was telling everyone how he slit her wrist when he was 16! That is the first time I had heard of it and she thought I had moved back home,Az. My adult children and I can finally breathe, and I don't have to live in fear anymore. Some people are really unstable. Thank you, M.Skinner for sharing your story. Take good care ,stay safe 🐕🤗
@raycuevas2105
2 жыл бұрын
Explaining to a narcissist what narcissism is, it's like a bee trying to explain to a fly how great is to eat honey instead of garbage. Impossible 😱
@LinYouToo
2 жыл бұрын
Wow! It’s amazing how they just don’t get it and cannot see the what they are doing is wrong. Years ago I took a three week vacation with a friend from college. She was great the first two days we got there and the mask slipped. The whole trip was awful until the very last day when we were getting ready to fly back home. Then she put the nice mask on again. Within weeks upon returning home she called me one day. She was having back surgery and she needed someone to come and stay with her at her apartment and I told her no. She wanted me to take a week of vacation and when I wouldn’t do it she became belligerent as if she was entitled. She couldn’t see that the way she treated me was wrong despite the fact I told her that’s not what I’m looking for in a friendship and then I was looking for mutuality and respect and we did not have that especially after our trip. She just cannot understand what I was talking about and that’s when I decided to MoveOn. I never spoke to her again. Immediate no contact. Coincidentally we both worked for the same very large global company but in vastly different parts of the business. One day years later she sent me an email. She hoovered me. Reaching out to say hello. I didn’t answer. A few days went by and she reached out again and asked if I got her email and did I remember her. Can you imagine? They really just don’t get it.
@gwendolynwehage6336
2 жыл бұрын
Wow, this is a classic "co-dependency" issue. When we place our trust and everything else in one person we cannot think clearly and cannot detach from things we need to avoid. This poor young woman who committed suicide needed some confidence to realize she was a person without that wicked man. After the dust settles and the hurt diminishes over time she would have realized she dodged a bullet in not marrying him. The man who did this to her was marrying a woman who was also willing to pull this nonsense on his fiance, what kind of wife will she be, perhaps he will get his comeuppance.
@janinealexander2037
2 жыл бұрын
So sad but true. I married and divorced a narc and one if my kids still doesn’t speak to me. It’s the one of the most costly things I ever did in my life. Moving on in healing and educating myself further…… Red flags 🚩 don’t turn blue unless it’s a sad ending. Heed the red flags.
@theresa2256
2 жыл бұрын
I just thought I would put this out there for anyone who has not considered this daunting reality. In my opinion for whatever it’s worth, everyone should have a POA and health care surrogate in place (or whatever these documents are called in your state) but it’s critically important for those of us who’s legal next of kin is one of these or some of these highly destructive narcissists. If we leave it to chance we could find ourselves in a devastating situation such as an unexpected accident and if you have no legal documentation of having assigned a trusted friend or someone else, guess who would be contacted to make critical decisions for you? I know in my situation, my next of kin would be one of these highly destructive people who do not have my best interest at heart. Sad as that is, I find it much better to have some trusted friends in those positions and have all of the legal documentation in place just in case. Since laws vary from state to state and I am not a lawyer, I had all of mine prepared by a highly recommended lawyer.
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
Good advise, I wish I'd seen it 8 years ago before someone I trusted turns out be a vuln covert narc told me to get medical treatments, now I'm severely sick and wish I'd never listened to them. Good advise ✌👍
@gwendolynwehage6336
2 жыл бұрын
This is so true, I had some wild teenage years. After I became born-again I left all that nonsense behind but my family remained angry toward me as though nothing had changed. I have been walking with God for over 50 years in a lifestyle of spiritual and emotional growth, but the family loves to treat me as though I have never changed. I am convinced they liked seeing me as less-than and when I was no longer acting sinfully they became even ruder to me. Sadly these are people who have attended church all their lives but could not or would not see the drastic change in me. I notice that they have not changed at all. It makes me wonder if they were ever born-again since they seem to hate it when I quote scripture or am excited about something Biblical. I expected them to like me better and reconcile with me when I became born-again all those years ago, but the opposite happened, they seemed to resent that I loved God. Perhaps they enjoyed being superior to me and hated that I was now a joyful person blessed with wisdom. Those who are pretenders, going to church but never have the Holy Spirit can be narcissists, never having repented of their sin, while believing they have never sinned. I pray for them but cannot be their constant companions. For me, I was able to let go of the guilt and shame because God revealed to me that these same people were doing this foolishness all my life since I was a small child, it really didn't have to do with my sin, they were mean all my life, probably gleeful that I had a period of sin that they could justify their mean and rude attitudes toward me. They were mean when I was not sinning, even as a small child.
@notthatvashti8127
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. C thank you for explaining the difference between real self-esteem and narcissistic grandeur. Sometimes it's hard to decipher, and even harder for someone who has not experienced the trauma to understand. Grateful!
@jamesbell491
2 жыл бұрын
I've recently come to realize that the person I fell in love with is a narcissist. She sucked me in chewed me up and has spit me out more times than I can count. The fact remains that I do still love this woman. I'm coming to the realization that there is nothing I can do to change or save her from herself. We're currently separated from each other, we were never living together, we were apart-ners but in very close contact every day. What I'm just coming to terms with is that to save myself and have any self respect left, I have to walk away from someone I truly love. Not easy.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
I'm hearing you, James. Sometimes you have to know how to love from a distance. Dr. C
@janinetollot209
2 жыл бұрын
In hind sight, you will realize that it was for the better. You will find someone else to love. Just give it time. Wishing you strength 💪
@jamesbell491
2 жыл бұрын
@@janinetollot209 Thank you Janine but at this point in my life, I truly don’t want to find anyone. I’m going to concentrate on finding myself, doing some trout fishing and keeping sand between my toes at my favourite beach. Thanks for your reply. Bless you.
@jamesbell491
2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you. You’ve helped me more than you will ever know.
@TruckerBLW
Жыл бұрын
Dear James. I don’t know where you are on your journey now, but it resonates with me. I fell in love with the girl i was first presented with who seemed to want to be in a wonderful relationship and i felt i could just be myself. Over time, subtle things started to rise up; extreme jealous reactions over imagined interactions i had with other women (never happened and left me feeling totally confused), name calling (i was a schmuck, a “horrible horrible person”, pathetic, selfish, arrogant), i was controlling and was told i was only interested in power which i don’t think i am and when i tried to talk about these things it was just an arduous task for her where she would shut down and not want to talk about it. I was dumped for someone else but i tried to talk to her and express my feelings, apologised because i was working hard at the time and felt i had neglected the relationship. When she came back, that’s where the real ‘fun’ started. I’ve been picked up and put down on a whim, told i have ruined her life, screamed at to f off after she called me with another man’s voice in the background and i asked what was going on, she phoned back and said it was ‘her special needs friend’ (wtaf??) and she was angry because i had gone out with friends when she was over 2 hours late more yelling and screaming, f off out of my life and so on. Arguments came from nowhere, stabbing at where i live, my business, my friends (I have transactional friendships with people I’ve been friends with for decades) i hide her from my friends (I’ve never met hers and the one i did meet she jettisoned), anything about me that she could be ‘honest’ about. She was just being honest with me about what she saw in me. I guess it’s easier to point out the flaws in someone else than to look inwards. Then it devolved into physical abuse and when on a night out, after her going to the toilet with a girl, sending me a strange voice note about me being ‘her only option and loving me so much’ but sounding rather disingenuous, whilst being intimate she said “she needs to be here”, when i asked what that meant she literally went off on me. Punching, kicking, pushing, screaming, threats of calling the police until i was an emotional mess. Still i would forgive, try to talk about it and help her heal. But time would pass, it would be forgotten and the cycle would begin again where i would be discarded and picked up, hatred and then loved on repeat. My point is that, what can feel like love can actually be a trauma bond where someone like you or me can want desperately to fix someone so we can have back the person who was showing us ‘love’ in the beginning. We wish they could heal, look inside, take steps and realise that we love them so deeply. Alas, we will likely remain a scapegoat and a means for them to avoid healing their own pain and trauma that causes these things to play out on repeat in their lives. Love from afar and i hope you have managed to reconstruct yourself. I am still on that journey and taking tentative steps. This channel helps so so much to help me stop blaming myself, or them and just try to accept what is. Be well mate.
@KarensOpinionsMayDiffer
2 жыл бұрын
Been waiting for this one! Before I knew my current narc was a narc I tried to explain the narcissistic behavior of someone else to her and was met with quizzical dumbfounded expressions. The closest she ever came to acknowledging narcissism was when she quit because she worked with someone who gave her a run for her money as the biggest know it all in the business . 🤦♀️
@makesnodifference
2 жыл бұрын
This story made me literally LOL
@valeneravae8211
2 жыл бұрын
I have come to accept that, "You can only reason with Reasonable people." It really saves time and energy.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Smart!
@denisesatt7044
2 жыл бұрын
One if my uncomfortable memories is at the beginning of no contact was being told by my ex that they needed to set me straight cause whatever I was thinking was wrong. I responded by saying I felt they were not in a healthy place because they started by saying I was thinking wrong. Their response "I am done" . that was the final communication
@SophieBird07
2 жыл бұрын
That sounds familiar! Beware though, that bad penny always tries to return. It is sooo exhausting. Stay strong.
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
The fact we think at all is a problem for them! I've had them say ....you think too much! In my mind im thinking, YOU don't think at all!
@Gwreck562
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah this is very spot on. I've tried to explain in a very heart felt manner the pain that there narcissistic ways causes me. And they always just start to play dumb and act like they cant comprehend anything I'm saying then start to use word salad to confuse and irritate me making my feeling feel invalid. Or they just turn it all back around on to how they are the real victim and my feelings don't matter at all. Its pointless trying to explain your feelings or talk any sense into these people.
@lynnekulick3262
2 жыл бұрын
My husband exactly
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
That's a good one, I've tried to talk about things that happened in the past and im hurt about. Met with a barrage of being an ingrate
@cherylvanesch3086
2 жыл бұрын
You don’t need to punish, but you do need to set boundaries and consequences.
@krissykatportal
2 жыл бұрын
I love you doc! You remind me so much of my favorite uncle. Anyway thank you for all of the wonderful knowledge you share. Seems like every time I start wondering about a specific feature of narcissism, I’ll see that you posted a video about that very thing! You’re the best. Sending love from California ❤️
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Krissy. Love received with gratitude! Dr. C
@krista7104
2 жыл бұрын
Great info! The use of Guilt and shame has held me locked into an abusive 38 year “marriage”. It’s time to unlock!!’nnn
@lynnekulick3262
2 жыл бұрын
I'm with you Krista, leaving after 32 years
@susanlewis1875
2 жыл бұрын
Imagine living with a short, nearsighted, left-handed narcissist. I deserve a medal.
@lifewithapurpose237
2 жыл бұрын
🤣😆😂 "🏅 🥈 🎖 🥉 "
@cc1k435
Жыл бұрын
Except for the short part, I HAVE lived with that narcissist. I want some kind of degree with mine.
@michelepascoe6068
2 жыл бұрын
I am so grateful for this week's gold star question and answer. When asked about relationships in which you've been shamed, falsely accused and rejected over time, one almost feels judged even when simply asked. In my case, I'm estranged from two daughters and therefore all my grandchildren. I'm often asked with the expectation that being a grandmother is a joy when in fact, I am only an ill-thought-of sender of gifts to grandchildren who are strangers. Now I can say, "It's complicated," and turn the question to ask about their family. Thank You, Dr C.
@katejones2172
2 жыл бұрын
Oo me too
@katejones2172
2 жыл бұрын
Love to everyone
@katejones2172
2 жыл бұрын
Keep on truckin guys
@laurieascharfenkamp4563
2 жыл бұрын
I adore the concept of delicate detachment.. it's not defensive, it's not destructive, it's patient and kind because it refuses bitterness or retaliation and most of all it's Actual detachment! Thanks, Dr. C!
@shanecherry5403
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for the help you have given me in my life, a appreciate you big time
@Apr1cotBunny
2 жыл бұрын
🔝🔝🔝
@denisesatt7044
2 жыл бұрын
Your explanation of what to say to new people was very good. That is how I am learning to set boundaries. Also the part about "do narcissist want to change? My narc said " why would I want to ? Put myself through that emotional stuff?" Yes I am ashamed at how I allowed myself to be subjected to them.
@bereal6590
2 жыл бұрын
Please dont feel ashamed👍✌✋
@lynnekulick3262
2 жыл бұрын
They are very good at the manipulation and love bombing 💣
@hannahrosa5485
2 жыл бұрын
I attempted to do this and it went right over his head. He totally ignored my complaint and he shunned me instead of talking about it.
@lindabest3184
2 жыл бұрын
I'LL never forget that I found a book, which was intentionally throw on the floor, when my Narccistic ex-husband abandoned me,had written on the inside cover,"Good Guys finish last"‼️
@cc1k435
Жыл бұрын
By now, he has that as a tattoo somewhere on his person. 😂
@susanmumper8334
2 жыл бұрын
It just seems like one can not deal with this alone. I really struggle, just keep learning, detaching, and letting it all go. :(
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
It definitely helps to have someone by your side. Dr. C
@susanmumper8334
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@buddysadventures2314
2 жыл бұрын
I see this a lot! He doesn't want himself to be different, he wants me to be different and punish me into submission with gaslighting, smear campaigns, name calling, shaming, rejection and silent treatments.
@Alice-fr1ef
2 жыл бұрын
Yes they do suffer and they take it all out on you even if something happened when they were growing up. They take it out on you. Anything anyone does to them, they take it out on you because they are usually cowards and you are the only one they feel they can control. Don't play the games, do not play the games.
@leo-ish6103
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Carter, your a National Treasure! Your logic and energy are medicine for love lacerations. I hope you can do a video on the cycle of healing from Narcs. Forgiving and forgetting the Narc experience is wearisome task.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you. Dr. C
@collie8
2 жыл бұрын
3:42 got a newer one: you can lead a narcissist to an information, but you cannot make him think.🤷♂️
@azaramoon4027
2 жыл бұрын
I feel so confused about the good and the bad in this world at the moment. It seems that you cant be earthly and spiritual at the sam time, you have to choose in the end.thank you for these videos, they really help.
@wakenow225
2 жыл бұрын
It's divide and conquer all the way across the board, worldwide.
@marihgator
2 жыл бұрын
I can relate. Exactly how I feel sometimes.
@rascallyrabbit
2 жыл бұрын
It really is difficult. It feels like we live in the old Roman empire which was cruel. When Jesus introduced his concepts of love, compassion, forgiveness, most people ignored him, stoned him and finally crucified him. It feels that way today.
@TheLightams
2 жыл бұрын
I get it, been feeling that way for a while as well. I try to establish good in myself and my immediate circle. Sometimes that all we can do, adjust our sails and try to establish little pieces of good, love, and empathy throughout the world.
@lindalouise3391
2 жыл бұрын
I can relate to being confused. However I have no confusion about being earthy & spiritual simultaneously. I believe it is our birthright, a balance from our moral compass, sometimes trained out of us, yet with help from folks like Dr. C we can regain the balance and by being aware of our feelings.
@donnazugg1252
2 жыл бұрын
I had no idea so many people were or had lived my experience. I didn't know this type of behavior had a name when I was so much younger. Now... many years and grown children later, here we are retired and just as miserable as ever. There are bouts of good times just long enough for me to think how happy we are. Then....well, you know the rest of the story. The cycle continues.
@houseplantnerd2872
2 жыл бұрын
I was raised by a narcissist. As a middle aged adult the narcissist continued the abuse. In fact the abuse changed from covert to overt when I moved out on my own. 5 years ago we became estranged. I approached them about the abuse seeking validation, love and acceptance and received the anticipated rejection, denial and stonewalling. I started educating myself because of what I've learned from you. And have done a great deal of self reconcile and acceptance in part due to the information you provide. Thank you. I refer to my life as; a lifetime of confusion interrupted by moments of clarity. This is what being born to a narcissist means to me. I need a little clarity now. I feared that as a 20 something I was actually at risk of becoming a narcissist. Looking back I repeated some of the behaviors of my mom. Now it literally sickens me. So my question or observation, would a narcissist ever seek out to educate themselves on narcissism?
@cc1k435
Жыл бұрын
Nope! They know they're messed up, but they are also completely willing to be dismissive of even all their minor flaws (forget the major ones) in order to not ever take a deep look inside. It is VERY rare for a narcissist to confront themselves like that, because they literally feel that projecting their shortcomings onto others is how they relieve these awful things from themselves. Don't take the bait and engage in their toxic behavior, because it will just make you miserable and they'll use it to point out to everyone that YOU are the problem. If you stay away, given time most people will figure it out.
@purpose8141
2 жыл бұрын
I think grey rock is the best punishment for the narcissist, plus it helps you detach
@carmencampbell-lloyd7020
2 жыл бұрын
Just LOVE you ! Your are helping people to clarity ! ❤️🙏🏻
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Love received, with gratitude. Thanks Carmen. #TeamHealthy. Dr. C
@lynnekulick3262
2 жыл бұрын
Well said Carmen, I agree 💯
@lindasue1955
2 жыл бұрын
Mine was in jail for 5 months and hasn't been out a week and was running me to pieces doing things for him. After 4 days of it I said ENOUGH ALREADY and it has been one big battle ever since. He doesn't let me explain so he can understand; he screams over anything I try to say with demeaning threats. I have at long last come to the frazzled end of my rope. While he was "away" a skin rash I've had for years went away although depression is still present. I intend to start preparing for a divorce, quietly though until I can try to put a plan together. I know this is going to be very hard but not as hard as continuing to live through these kinds of days. There are too many of them. Thank you for your videos of experience and knowledge.
@foxiedogitchypaws7141
2 жыл бұрын
Linda, be very careful. Don't leave old phone bills or bank statements or address book's behind. It drives them crazy because they lost control, mine called everyone he could looking for me and our young children at the time, he had kicked me in the back and threw our 3 year old against a wall. Do not ever go back. They do not change. It takes a woman a average of 5 times leaving before she is really gone or something else. Stay Safe. 🤗🙏🐕
@lindasue1955
2 жыл бұрын
@@foxiedogitchypaws7141 I appreciate the good advice. Thank you for caring.
@dnk4559
2 жыл бұрын
Prayers for your safety and peace.
@wendyelliott6828
2 жыл бұрын
Can you speak about how religion can groom victims ….. I have examined how my beliefs contributed to my becoming a perfect target/victim for narcissists. My parents were a model of good living and common sense. Me, not so much. I distinctly recall feeling I had to satisfy the needs of others first. And my church taught selflessness, kindness, putting others ahead of self. It was a moderate church but the Bible readings seemed to speak to me of obligation and helping others. So I did. I always tried to never hurt another person’s feelings, and if I did I set about to make things right with them again. How wrong this message was, at least for my impressionable little mind. My church is my comfort, but sometimes the message of “do unto others, as you would have them do unto you” is quite wrong.
@davidgoldsberry8230
2 жыл бұрын
This validation hurts as bad as when it was/is happening. 🥺😳😣 It will never end unless the narcissist finds another target!
@wendyelliott6828
2 жыл бұрын
After I left my husband and learned about narcissism (actually the other way around, I left after I figured him out) I found myself uncomfortable around my sister. She had offered me refuge and listened to me unpack my experiences. She eventually cautioned me not to see narcissism everywhere I look. But I am afraid she is a narcissist too. She is a different flavour maybe but my discomfort is real. She is a bully know it all. I always leave her presence feeling dismissed or insulted or shamed or criticized. Am I being too reactive? Or maybe I have learned the hard lesson that tells me to listen to my inner voice?
@dylannaenzo9737
2 жыл бұрын
Narcs suck the air out of the room.... when you feel like you are suffocating when they are around, and you feel "less" when they leave..... pretty sure that's a Narc.
@katejones2172
2 жыл бұрын
Oh gosh miy sister exactly then my friend says god do you coleect narcissists and she's right but that was insulting so she's gone also
@katejones2172
2 жыл бұрын
Also mother ex & son
@katejones2172
2 жыл бұрын
Jeez is that a record
@wendyelliott6828
2 жыл бұрын
@@katejones2172 well, your record matches mine then. We need lessons in self preservation. 😞
@larissabrewington9065
2 жыл бұрын
I ran down a list of infractions My Narc did (the devaluing, the put downs, the talking in circles) and they kept agreeing... Then I told them this is emotional abuse and they looked at me like, "I don't get it... What are you saying?" It was amazing. I told them I was done. I stopped communicating unless I absolute had to and they acted like it was Me who caused the problem. They said, "I can't talk to you." I said, "YOU DID THIS. YOU!" Can't talk to me... well, yeah... jerk... Ugh. Thank you again Dr.
@KonjikiKonjiki
2 жыл бұрын
This is great, thankya. Sometimes I get concerned that I'm a narcissist myself, just one who has bought into her own virtue signalling. It can be difficult to avoid the trap of ruminating so much that I pathologise every failing and regretted decision or action I've ever made. :(
@melissahalim8758
2 жыл бұрын
The fact that you can introspect yourself means highly unlikely you are a narcissist. Anyway its normal to have some narcissistic traits, but to be diagnosed as one you have to qualify to most traits and way of thinking
@aparsons6495
2 жыл бұрын
This explains why our lawyer can't understand this narcissistic abuse with the parenting plan.
@jdanielzuk
2 жыл бұрын
I'll pray for you!
@salonsavy6476
2 жыл бұрын
Word of wisdom!!,,, greatly appreciated 👏👏👏👏🤗
@ladennayoung2939
2 жыл бұрын
They don't care to know. Because they don't want to be held accountable for anything. It's easier for them to deny their shortcomings in their mind. They don't grasp, understand, or care that their behavior is detrimental and destructive to themselves and others. Especially to themselves, if they never decide to change.
@rythm95
2 жыл бұрын
I am so much grateful that I came across your videos Dr. Carter. Thank you for all your help.
@shelley7975
2 жыл бұрын
Just keep listening to Dr.C and your own heart. You'll find yourself again. Once you understand what you are dealing with and realize it's not you, your world will change for the better. :)
@rythm95
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, @@shelley7975 :)
@lifewithapurpose237
2 жыл бұрын
i am really not asking, but sometimes wonder if you (doc c) were ever in a long-term relationship with a narcissist. You are such a professional who knows to set appropriate boundaries with your (audience) patients if you will. by keeping certain information private or on a need to know basis. i appreciate you being you, much respect.
@susanmumper8334
2 жыл бұрын
Please never say, “MY narcissist!” Not giving ownership to that.
@monicahocking1507
2 жыл бұрын
I so agree with you.
@kyliefan7
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe say My abuser!!
@susanmumper8334
2 жыл бұрын
Not even my abuser, gives ownership. Language is powerful. Big marketing knows this if you watch any mainstream media you may hear false suggestions such as; “my depression, my cancer, my migraines….” Etc Not true My=ownership
@teresacotton7923
2 жыл бұрын
When I tried to calmy tell him he did something that bothered me, he jumped down my throat and accused me of things that he did himself. He got all dramatic and told me with me he couldn't do anything right. Said I was having a Teresa Moment. I shot back that he was Deflecting again, and that was a Rod moment. The next day he sent a one word text, "Psycho" What is it when the Narcissist calls you a Psycho? Are they telling on their selves?
@ninjabuniii
2 жыл бұрын
quite literally been going through this for almost a week now. it's so draining 😭
@WE-sf3xv
2 жыл бұрын
I know I have found that my neighbor is still a crappy narcissist but, the no contact tool effort..took a long time to work but it is something I am depending on to get through this four years of crap I am livid I have to live through this it's crazy!
@heathermixson1265
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, you do and will experience a ray of emotions, and unfortunately anger does come out....it does take time and effort of putting in the work to dig deep within yourself to get to the root of that, and yes, if you're determined, you will get to it. That becomes a weight lifted and beginning of another work to learn to channel unhealthy anger to healthy anger. For myself, I realize I'm being provoked, stop, breathe deep to reset emotional to logical thinking [yes ladies, women can do this!!🤣] and refocus on the source the provocation is coming from....still not where I need to be, but grateful not where I was!!! Thanks Dr. C!!!!!!!!!
@laratackett5987
2 жыл бұрын
Something I've learned is, they perceive this as a fun game of exchanging insults, it enboldens them to really amp it up...yeah! It's on! Let's go...they love it..also, they love "telling on you" lol...
@karenboromeo899
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Dr C....been following U for about 3yrs. I have a neurological illness..moved back with my parents reluctantly when my partner left and l couldn't live alone due to my illness. Mum passed away or cancer in November. She became a doormat before l was born to keep her marriage with my father ...a full on Narcissist. My two older brothers followed in my dad footsteps as a narcissist too as they became adults. I had to relocate my two beautiful dogs Audrey and Gracie when mum got diagnosed. My choice as l knew l couldn't look after them alone....as dad hated them and would tell at them etc.. Now lm here living alone with my dad. Thankfully l still have my cat..my saving Grace💚. She keeps me strong and l keep her strong. Dad basically lives in his rumpus she'd decked out with toilet..bed..lounge..tv..sink etc..and has a mate O two visit him everyday. I only see him in evening s if lm well enough to say hi in evening s when he then comes up to watch tv in lounge in house. Then bed. Basically lm treated like lm not his daughter. He rafes at me at times and demeans me at times. Like U said Les l keep calm and firm. I've had to deal with his yelling put down behaviour all my life. Except when l wasn't living at home and had two seperate long term relationship s before getting too I'll. I have carers come in a few hrs most days. My friends left when l took ill. My father's family side all think lm a lazy loser and dad's a king. I was a registered/psych nurse a degree l did at uni and almost finished a degree as a Psychologist when my engaged partner left me due to illness...and l had to move back home. My question is...l havnt enough savings to by my own home...though lve been saving since l got ill in my late 20s..am now a young 51. I don't want to leave my cat she's my daughter to me and l love her. Mum refused to talk about me moving out when l was ill. She denied dad's behaviour. Mum gave up becoming a teacher because dad told her he was the bred winner. So she quit uni when we were young kids. I just don't know where to go from here? I reached out to ministers and other people but constant broken promises. I know lm a intelligent and good person. I have a strong faith. The only friends l have are those lve made on the...a handful of close ones..though they mainly all come from England..lm in Australia. I take a day at a time for lm also Grieving my mum going to heaven and a friend l dated for 7 yrs some time ago who took his life sadly this year. Thank you Les. My faith in Jesus/God and my cat Clairebel keep me "holding on" for better days. X💚💚💚❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🌈🌈
@moxiepooties6363
2 жыл бұрын
Trying to get help by appealing to Human Resources is very dangerous. The narcissist will have his best foot forward with HR, and you will find yourself in a situation in which HR's topmost thought will be "who will be easiest to replace?" And that is going to be YOU! If the narcissist complains to HR about you (because he's paranoid, too) to try to get you fired, when HR asks if you "have a problem" with the narcissist, DON"T say anything negative. In fact, say you LIKE the person, look up to them, etc. Then HR may send the narcissist for some "training" rather than going to the trouble and expense of replacing him. Otherwise, they will assume YOU are the problem, or at least that it will be less problematic for them to fire you than to fire and replace the narcissist.
@betsyfernandez1440
2 жыл бұрын
I thought a Team Healthy coffee mug would be nice too! Thank you Dr. C. because I'm learning so much about myself and Narcissism.
@jprebel3
2 жыл бұрын
Divorcee, I'm 52 never married or kids. I am constantly judged by my neighbors etc. but with the kids I'm a Rockstar. I believe kids sense the KID in me. I am as a Bully Buster sensitive to bullying and therefore picked on or sad kids. One thing I will still say to people today as I say to kids, "Remember, School is just a tiny sliver slice of your life. Never let it be WHO U ARE. In life there are bunches of people just like you... same interests, same fave movies, music etc etc. In life, You get to be who and what you want at any time of your choosing, who cares what school mates or societies say about you, you be you. Remember, "Humans are Nature. Society is not." Be your nature.
@sheric4481
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr C, I really look forward to your videos of support. .. they're very much needed... Take care 🙏
@sammylhpate9382
2 жыл бұрын
Great video Dr. Carter. Thankyou so much for this essential public service.you are a treasure of hope & have been essential to my survivor story.
@kellibrooks1
2 жыл бұрын
I have no one that knows what I have been going through for all these years. So glad you made these videos
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Kelli.
@annieeatch9014
2 жыл бұрын
Nothing works and then they punish you more
@wowreally6556
2 жыл бұрын
You know what the most staggering part of all of to me is? It’s hard to wrap your mind around how predictable these kind of people, apparently, are. I’ve never seen anyone like this before and pretty soon I started to get the feeling that something was bad wrong with this person, this is not normal behavior. In my heart, I was ready to dedicate my LIFE to this girl. In my mind tho, my mind was screaming something is going on here, I see a pattern forming here and it’s not looking good. But my heart would break for her, has that ever happened to anyone else? I didn’t realize, that’s an actual pain that you can feel and it hurts. Bad it hurts, worse than any pain I’ve ever felt before. So there was this, “war” I guess you can call it, going on inside myself. With my mind always needing logic, in everything, not just here but everywhere. 1+1 will always equal 2. That’s logic. My heart however, says na I’m going with her, I like feeling loved. (We didn’t know that was because of the initial “love bombing” phase and not ACTUAL love like what I felt) (also, I did notice I said “we” as if additional people were part of this which in retrospect sounds crazy by itself but I just use that to illustrate the internal struggle my heart and my mind were having, which felt like it was ripping me in half sometimes. It’s just me, I’m just trying to use words to describe something that I myself barely even understand to this very day) Sorry, I got a little off topic there but when I FINALLY stumbled onto Dr. C’s page and started learning what I was actually dealing with instead of what I hoped I had found, when I say I didn’t realize how predictable these people were, that’s an understatement. When he would say something like, they won’t actually come out and say “insert random narc phrase here,” no mine WOULD!! And I mean almost word-for-word, and it leaves you a little bit stunned. I mean, you wouldn’t think a person, ESPECIALLY one you love and SAYS they “love” you, would even THINK some of these things, but to actually SAY them too!! Your left standing there thinking, did you literally hear what you just said?? How could that POSSIBLY sound ok to you?? And you can’t say, pretend like I just said that exact same thing to you, how would you respond? They have this ability that seems like “selective hearing,” I guess. Well, selective hearing, selective memory, selective.. well, you guys know what I mean. It’s like this “shield” that surrounds them and keeps that fantasy world intact and if you even attempt to bring anything rational from the real world into this version of it that they create, just be ready for the wrath that guards this world and don’t make the mistake of thinking any “normal rules of engagement” apply because what you may have triggered is anything but normal. Your life, the dedication of it, is the greatest gift one person can give to another person and in weird but true way, this man, who I’ve never even met before, this doctor Carter I HONESTLY feel may have saved mine. It makes my eyes leak a little bit just thinking about it but I honestly had no idea and if I hadn’t somehow stumbled on his page or channel or what ever you call it, I really don’t know what would have happened but it wouldn’t have ended well for me. I truly feel like this person could have LITERALLY killed me AND been able to justify it to herself that she needed to do it for some reason. Courts may not have agreed but by then, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference for me what they thought after that, would it? I couldn’t imagine what it must be like on the receiving end of this from of abuse from a female perspective, that would HAVE to be a terrifying experience. There’s no doubt in my mind, SEVERAL times, if she could have taken me, she would have and I mean without a second thought too. But the one thing I had the hardest time accepting, after he’s been right about every last detail, the thing that took me 5 years to finally understand is that, he’s right, these people WILL NOT change. No matter what u say, what you do, no matter how secure you try to make them feel, in the end, only one fact remains. They do not change. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it, no matter what you do. Thank you guys for letting me vent and to Dr. Carter and old Gus back there, you guys saved my life and I believe that with every fiber of my being. I wish I could somehow do the same for you. Thanks. My name is Kevin, btw. Looking forward to more videos, I’m not sure if you really understand how important to, I would imagine, MILLIONS of people what you guys do here really is. But know that everyone here has saved AT LEAST one person, and by “everyone “ I mean all the comments too. Ahhhh your making my eyes leak again, everyone here is just amazing, for lack of a better word….
@sammylhpate9382
2 жыл бұрын
A turning point for me was the "Blank plate" reaction I received when I was targeted & wiped out by a religious NPD after..... surviving a covert NPD abusive relationship. Mind bending,violating,demonic in nature NPD's are. I was razzled,,defeated, exasperated,stripped of dignity & energy. The blank plate stare & dismissive interest in my brokeness was just pivotal in my comprehension & acceptance of what I was really dealing with. It's like slapping a retarded person in the face,they are never going to get it.
@foxiedogitchypaws7141
2 жыл бұрын
Sammy LHPate, religious cults want control and want it their way and your not allowed to ask any questions, I was raised up in one and married 1 who was in it, my first for everything with him and he loved the scriptures about him being head of the house and I was to be obedient. The Elders back up men and even if you have blackened eyes, busted lip, or children being hi, they say don't leave because it will make the religion look bad! I said what about the laws that are being broken?? Narcissistic Elders in that cult religion. Take care, stay safe 🙏🤗🦊
@sammylhpate9382
2 жыл бұрын
@@foxiedogitchypaws7141 ya I feel ya.however this one was solo. That was was kept the masks on. A true NPD. It is some next level shit. Thank goodness you were wise enough before completely being destroyed by a CULT!?! I cannot even imagine that scenario. I barely snapped back from one!! Thanks for the comments. We have to educate the meek. Pardon the pun.
@aureaudio
2 жыл бұрын
You can't explain to a fox why it does fox things. The fox is a fox.
@leeboriack8054
2 жыл бұрын
My dad was a narc and I tried to explain it to him. It was like explaining all the colors of the rainbow to a color blind person.
@FootSoldier4Christ
2 жыл бұрын
Delicate detachment is very difficult when you have been attacked, blamed, criticized, gaslighted and beaten down. It's hard to do anything but try to defend yourself. It took me years of therapy and away from my ex-husband narcissist to get to a point where I could be in a place to be able to not respond with defensiveness and just grey rock with minimalist responses when he contacted me.
@iamwabisabi3711
2 жыл бұрын
My ex narc always always ALWAYS used to say we were in competition with each other. It was crazy for me to hear because I never once thought of competing against him 🤦♀️🤦♀️
@suzannesmith5339
2 жыл бұрын
I learn so much in every post, Dr. C. I started delicate detachment about 10 years ago from my N.parent, while my own children were leaving home. When one method of manipulation to keep me under her “supervision” didn’t work, a new one would be attempted. Every phone call I wondered what you explained @14:05-14:35. About a year and a half ago, I knew that going no contact was the only way to mentally escape, (and I actually want the best for her). I also liked 27:00-27:30.
@Razainthewoods
2 жыл бұрын
I moved across country from my parents. I had two narcissistic parents. I had a lot of guilt for years but when I would go back to visit and I was hanged up on, I would be reminded I would never get their approval or love.
@openwoods1598
2 жыл бұрын
doc...your the best. exactly what transpired in my marriage. miles away from the narcs and her immediate family , I've become hooked on your vids. life got so much better.
@awakeningEmpath
Жыл бұрын
there are self- aware narcissists like Mental Healness and Cluster B Milkshake, I have respect for them for trying to self-examine & change, also for spreading awareness to protect future victims, these self-aware narcs show a degree of empathy (albeit with fake remorse) & THEY hold the key to treating the most malignant diabolical psychotic narcs
@jesstallfeather
2 жыл бұрын
“Narcissists are quite self impressed…”. Boy howdy, is that ever true!
@buddysadventures2314
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for reminding me to 'think for myself' and allowing this shaming he thinks I should feel for human emotions.
@boostmobile9249
2 жыл бұрын
Behaviors : Acceptable VS UNACCEPTABLE. Thinking. Preservation. Defensive, PRESSURES. BEHAVIORS?
@mostHigh23
2 жыл бұрын
Mines always tells my daughter that he's done this and that for her as to undermine what I do for her. Mind you she lives with me. He barely sees her. And as a matter of factly, I rather she not be around him anyway because he's so toxic.
@KadyPowellAEROPOLEONEKD
2 жыл бұрын
Doctor Carter please can you explain: if we as empaths are capable of self reflection, why is it that the narcissist can not reflect this????
@masonjr3
2 жыл бұрын
Possibly, a narcissists RECIEVER IS BROKEN & they're stuck in their own box. My dad only cares about "antler growth". He's the great world wide hunter & fisherman. I now see, he never had a halo! He's had horns all this time. They must be rooted through the brain.
@angusclark145
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks Dr C. Quite a few advertisements though I do respect you're providing free, quality teachings. Cheers.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Angus. Frankly, I was unaware that google was placing ads inside the presentation until recently. The ads pay the bills for us, so I hope they don't detract from the message. I appreciate your ongoing support! Dr. C
@HotSeat17
Жыл бұрын
Mark 3:31-35 [31]Then His brothers and His mother came, and standing outside they sent to Him, calling Him. [32]And a multitude was sitting around Him; and they said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are outside seeking You.” [33]But He answered them, saying, “Who is My mother, or My brothers?” [34]And He looked around in a circle at those who sat about Him, and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! [35]For whoever does the will of God is My brother and My sister and mother.”
@deborahcollins1100
2 жыл бұрын
Yep definitely they don’t get it if you say to them that you are a narcissist! Narcissistic husband of 37 yrs has no idea what it even means and he fits the narcissistic traits list to a T😢
@barbarabrennan1753
2 жыл бұрын
The reason the narc goes thru my apartment is to see magazines I'm reading. I just bought a new Herbal Quarterly and don't know whether he has it. I used to subscribe to it but Walmart has been carrying it so I just bought the new one. Some celebs now put quotes in this magazine which they probably never would have found, had my apartment not been entered. As a holistic, this and other mags are useful to them. These stupid men are using me. To educate them. They can well afford to buy their own.
@lynnlewis9938
2 жыл бұрын
You're looking great, and especially happy today, Dr. C! :)
@lindamaddox828
2 жыл бұрын
Genuine high self esteem is humility -- [E]steem others as better than yourself." "Humble yourselves under the LORD'S MIGHTY HAND AND HE WILL LIFT YOU UP." What the ALMIGHTY exalts, no man can bring down except in his own warped psyche. "Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbled himself shall be exalted." --- HOLY BIBLE
@mamaw9634
Жыл бұрын
After this many years of justifying, arguing, defending.. new people don’t need my reasons. I am where I am-
@SurvivingNarcissism
Жыл бұрын
Well stated.
@SophieBird07
2 жыл бұрын
They can’t be taught because they already know it all!
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Or so they presume! Dr. C
@snowbear1877
2 жыл бұрын
I put up boundaries with my brother in law: I have said I don't want to meet with him unless unavoidable, like a wedding or funeral. The consequence of this is that my sister now accuses me of bullying him by exclusion, and refuses to meet with me!
@snowbear1877
2 жыл бұрын
I see this as my sister yet again wielding power and control over me. I have offered family therapy but they have said 'definitely not'. I interpret this as them wanting everything on their terms only. My father was the same. It's all about power and control. And it's always been two (or three) against one.
@shirleyhinman8108
2 жыл бұрын
When you talk about "delicate detachment", I see a vision of a clean room, with the lights off, backing out of it on tip toes.
@nenasadie
2 жыл бұрын
I think what you said about punishment also really ties into what you said about self esteem in healthy people towards the end. There isn't really any kind of justice that can be meted out to a narcissist, because they have a kind of diminished responsibility due to their lack of empathy. They'll never feel the full force of what they put others through, even if they were magically able to be put into the exact same emotional and psychological situations. If they were capable of feeling that stuff, then they would be team healthy people, and they would have been building others up, not playing their narcissist games. Having said that, they aren't happy people. What it means is they have no self esteem. They can't give away what they do not have. They can only give away what they do have, which is an excess of shame and worthlessness. I'm still not sure why some of us don't become narcissists in our turn, given that we experience the same kinds of childhood trauma. Maybe there is just something genetically that allows us to reject some of the projected worthlessness. Enough so that we survive it. Anyway, even if a narcissist could experience punishment, could experience what they had put you through, would you want that? I don't think I would. As trite as it sounds, it's still true that two wrongs do not make a right. It's much better to look forward than back. There is still life here. There are still things to do, and I don't want to waste my time in bitterness and regret. I think my mother will do enough of that for both of us until the end of her life, because she doesn't have anything else inside of her, and that's sad enough.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Very well stated. Dr. C
@pamelakelley5535
2 жыл бұрын
U r right Dr. C they just look at it as an attack just like any other time to try to have a NORMAL conversation. They refuse to believe anything could possibly mean there is anything wrong with them it's u not them
@carolnahigian9518
2 жыл бұрын
My 'ex" used to say ?" why do people get so mad at me?"" Well - maybe because he lies, cheats & steals... not a GentleMan.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Ya think? Dr. C
@vladynick
2 жыл бұрын
Don't deal with people who possess character disorders. Remove them from your life!!
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