This is a very difficult trial when your husband left. Do you still love your husband and want him back? Are you wondering how to do it? Watch the video to learn how you can get him back.
I'm going to help you with this one and I have a lot of experience in this area because when I first started helping couples and individuals I wanted to create a system that really works that really heals marriages no matter how far off the tracks they got. And so, what I did was I started speaking at a divorce support group for women, Second Saturday in San Diego and that's where I got my clients so their marriages were pretty much over.
They were learning how to file and who to hire and what they should do but my most interesting client was actually not in San Diego. She was in New Haven Connecticut and she was a professor at Yale and so was her husband. And her husband had taken up with one of his students, let's not judge here, but he had taken up with one of his students and
she moved in with him. Meaning he moved out from his wife. They were both professors but he left her and was living with a much younger person, much younger woman and I took on this case and I didn't want to charge because I didn't know for sure that I could help
her -- it's rough.
You talked to any therapists and they'll tell you it's over and I thought, "You know what, I don't think it's over but I'm not going to charge." Now, she later on donated to The Marriage
Foundation which is nonprofit it was very nice but I was not convinced but I want her to
give it a try and here's what I told her. I said, "Your husband left you but there's got to be a reason why and the investment that he has in you," there's the positive, "has to be much greater than what he has in a student."
I mean he must see her as kind of a toy, a novelty where you are someone who he won over. You dated for a long time. You got involved with each other. You knew each other emotionally, intellectually, spiritually I'm going to bet that that investment in you is so much greater that if we could clean out the debris get rid of the stuff that caused him to run away because that's what he did. I'm willing to bet he'll come back to you. We worked together for a year. She would keep me posted on what was going on. What was the first thing we did?
The first thing we did was the painful part. We shifted the blame from him to her, very
easy to say, "He's a creep. He left me. He's now with a younger woman and what a bastard." Easy to say. We live in a world that judges people very quickly but I said, let's not do that because it's not going to help us at all. Instead, let's take a look at what you did to push him
away.
Why did I say that?
Because men are simple, they are. I mean there's even jokes about how simple men are feed me da da da da da da like that. And so, it's based on a lot of truth and so I said, "Let's take a look at what you were doing." I asked her, "Did you complain?" And she said, "Not much but sometimes he wouldn't pay enough attention to me or he would leave his clothes
laying around." I don't remember exactly what the complaints were but she acknowledged. Ahe complained and I said to her, "Men are very sensitive creatures." Yeah, women are too but it's a different kind of sensitivity and we're talking about what you did to him now so let's not lose focus. "Yes, I did complain." Okay. Write this down. I will never complain
again to him because she still had some communication with him. Did you ever nag
him? "Well, what do you mean by that?" Okay, that told me all I needed to know. Write it down. I will never nag him again. Good. Did you ever condemn him?" Well, he did runoff." Okay, how about before? Well, let's see. Write it down. I will never condemn him again.
We put together a list of things and we sort of unwrapped it a little bit and talked about ways in which she did and I explained to her look I'm not going to judge. You want him back let's clear the way. Let's clear the path so if something happens he can come back. So, we talked about all the things that she did that are not marriage friendly and she committed to stopping to do that and I taught her my SEW technique and she used it and she used it not just on things that she said but she used it on her own thoughts, on her own feelings.
Because one of the primary principles that I have for marriage is that your free will needs to be incorporated and you need to tie yourself to yourself as a soul and not as a mind that's
controlled by the drive to survive.
Watch the video for more.
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