My story
Desiree burns
So I’m not dead but I wanna share this anyway. I added a lot of stuff in the description down below. Feel free to read my rant.
I also want to say that all my psychiatrists weren’t shitty, two of the women I had were really good. The man I had sucked.
I also wanna say that 1) now i understand why people dont ask for help, people assume they do it for attention. I asked for help because i was hesitant and i know i wouldnt have gone to emerg willingly without being escorted there. I did it to get help, i hate feeling depressed n wanting to die everyday. Im scared of doing something and surviving or ending up paralyzed or having a disability or being in a bunch of pain for a long time. I wish noone ever knew about my suicidal ideations or self harm, i should have kept it to myself, i regret trying to get help and asking for help. It did me no good. It just made me be seen as a “attention seeker”. I am no longer going to ask for help, it doesnt do anything.
2) its stupid when you tell the truth n say you wanna die (which i did n do) they think your seeking attention but when you say you did it for attention then they dont believe you or they still wont discharge you cuz they still think your a danger to yourself which doesnt make sense.
3) the help i wanted but never got. I just wanted someone to reassure me that everything was gonna be ok, that i would be ok. Or that i can get through it. Or That these feelings wouldnt last forever. But i never got that. Instead i got shitty nurses that told me im an attention seeker. That im just lonely
4) I just wanna say a big Fuck you to all the shitty Mental Health Nurses in the Prince Albert Mental Health Inpatient Unit. I can’t get over how horrible they are. The worst of them all is Jaelynn Burns in PA. She is a horrible person. Called me a psychopath when I was yelling at her when she told me I do what I do for attention. Excuse me what kind of mental health nurse says that? apparently the ones in PA can. and another one is Omolola (Lola) Amujede (Member #48161), she’s exactly like Jaelynn, a shitty person and a shitty MH nurse who shouldn’t be working in mental health. There are other shitty nurses but these 2 are the worst. I hate them n if you get them, sorry to you. I also think MH nurses need to talk to you to see how your mentally feeling, surprisingly a lot of them don’t take that time to talk to their patients.
5) i wanted to be a mental health nurse because i feel like a good MH nurse who understands MH is important. I wanted to be that one good nurse that no one ever has.
6) i realize that people may also think i was doing it for attention because i always smiled even during serious conversations when i shouldnt have but the truth is i always smiled even when i was younger. My family called me smiley. I smiled because idk what else to do. If i didnt smile i would have cried n i didnt want to show people i was sad so i hid it, with a smile. I hate showing people my real emotions. Even when im mad ill smile unless im really really mad then watch out but regardless the last thing i wanted was anyones attention or sympathy. Id rather have just been left alone. I hated crying in front of people n I hated showing my anger because when I’m angry I tent to do impulsive and aggressive things, not to anyone else but to myself n I don’t want anyone to see that. Id rather just smile and act like everything is ok even when it’s not n if that makes me do it for “attention” then f y’all and all your assumptions. Sometimes i laugh n smile when i think something is ridiculous like having a 1v1 or being put in a restraint chair for not putting on hospital clothes, that’s beyond ridiculous.
7) what’s really sad is that when you reach out for help everyone assumes your looking for attention , so it feels like all the nurses social workers psychiatrists would rather have patients die n not seek help then them getting help. It’s sad. I feel like they’d rather have me off myself then getting help. The mental health system needs to be better because we are failing for those that need it and calling them attention seekers aren’t gonna help anyone.
8) I attempted right after I got discharged from the hospital by pain killers and sleeping pills and my medications but it didn’t work. I slept for 2 days straight tho but nothing happened. I didn’t tell anyone. No one knew and I’m keeping it that way. I’ll try again and again and again until I succeed.
9) id rather overdose then call for help ever again. It’s embarrassing and you get seen as attention seeker especially if it wasn’t a “serious attempt”. I always think this could be it, how could I survive from taking all these pills? I still have no idea how I survived my last attempt. I am determined to die and will eventually. I hope this attempt is the last and is successful. Gooodbye world.
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