She’s living the dream. A Mother in Law who minds her own business? Sounds like heaven to most wives.😂
@tonii2019
8 ай бұрын
My MIL does. She is a wonderful woman and I’m grateful for her and my FIL. ❤️
@nizhonichica2005
8 ай бұрын
RIGHT!! and now she will get PO when the MIL starts coming around more often, putting in her two cents LMAO
@pipperlue
8 ай бұрын
Seriously!
@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom
8 ай бұрын
🤭😂🤣😂 Facts!!!
@rubyb7252
8 ай бұрын
it took me 2 years of kicking and screaming to finally establish boundaries with my husband's family, as there was this whole song and dance about boundaries that weren't actually there
@kathiedrake3926
8 ай бұрын
When I first started dating my husband, I mentioned the his sister didn't appear to like me. He just told her that, directly. She contacted me and clarified that she is just quiet. 30 years later we are still good friends. I was horrified at the moment.
@jerusalem4492
8 ай бұрын
Wow, from the quiet one, thank you for your grace in that situation and understanding your sister-in-law. Some people take it way too personal, even after knowing that the person is just like that.
@michellesimmons3150
6 ай бұрын
I am quiet too and can be standoffish ...good on your man for making sure things were good
@izzywox8246
2 ай бұрын
As a quiet person, I would be horrified that I gave off the impression of disliking the you, that I would’ve reached out and clarified the same way! lol
@user-fy6cq7se9n
8 ай бұрын
You can’t force relationships. My husband’s family has never reciprocated. I stopped trying and not giving a crap about them has been the best thing.
@valeriezaric
8 ай бұрын
It feels like freedom, doesn't it!!?
@user-fy6cq7se9n
8 ай бұрын
Yes! There’s something so refreshing about it 😊 no drama.
@kalaln323
8 ай бұрын
Same here lol
@amiblack8294
8 ай бұрын
I'm glad you value yourself enough to move on from that nonsense. You sound very healthy :) If they don't see your value, that's their loss.
@user-fy6cq7se9n
8 ай бұрын
I spent my whole life trying to please people and worrying about every little thing, after having kids and getting a bit older something changed in me. I realized there’s a million things people will judge me for so heck with it. 😂
@eringilligan8308
8 ай бұрын
The key to happiness is usually low expectations. 😂
@TheFlowerQueen
2 ай бұрын
Gonna go put that on my wall
@dcashgotem1
8 ай бұрын
Comparison games can kill interpersonal relationships
@sophiawish9772
8 ай бұрын
His family "doesn't know" how to reciprocate? Yet, he grew up there and he somehow knows how to reciprocate. I guess I'm jaded. My mom in law used to insist on "family" photos that included the grandkids and her kids and not the daughter in laws. Does that seem strange? It seemed rude to me and my fellow sister in law.
@jonrazo7912
8 ай бұрын
Incredibly rude. I don't understand that. I could understand some pictures including just kids or grandkids but also whole family photos that include spouses.
@pooh4025
8 ай бұрын
I can't believe her kids didn't say anything ,that is rude.
@patriciaalbertson5183
8 ай бұрын
Yeah, mine was weird like that, too
@tracyaf6084
8 ай бұрын
That is rude. A text on someone’s birthday when your world is falling apart isn’t. I think this might be just a very new relationship that needs some of the kinks worked out. Maybe the husband can give them some help next year and things will go better.
@stillwatersfarm8499
8 ай бұрын
Yes that’s rude.
@JustinCase780
8 ай бұрын
"How long have ya'll been married?" "A year and a half" "O.k. there we go" "Yep" 😂
@robinharris4247
8 ай бұрын
I think he hit the nail on the caller said we are over here a successful couple not causing any drama. I had a sister who was a terrible alcoholic that started in her later years say late 30's and on escalating in her 50's. She ultimately died of it. During that time I would say 90% of my parents attention was spent trying to save her. I went through a period of time that I resented that because I was successful and me nor my kids were getting much grandmother and grandfather attention. When they did call me much of the time was spent talking about what could be done for my sister and saving my sister, Then I realized that she knew I was going to be ok regardless so she was just trying to save the daughter who was not ok. When I realized that I let it go. I had wonderful parents RIP mom and dad.
@jynclr
8 ай бұрын
Fair point, but here's the thing. One child, regardless if they are an actual child or an adult, should never be sacrificed for the other child.
@sarrazagreychuk9535
8 ай бұрын
Im so happy you came to Peace with the situation. Huge to you.
@kellygreenii
8 ай бұрын
That's when you know you have finally grown up. When you can look at your parents as the flawed, limited human beings they actually....doing the best they can...and make peace with it. Your needs didn't disappear simply because they were pouring into a sibling that was bucket-with-a-hole-in-the-bottom. But their neglect of those needs were not about you....and were never your fault.
@genxx2724
8 ай бұрын
It’s so wrong for the drama of someone’s vices to overtake the family.
@texasgina
8 ай бұрын
Robin, I just lost my sister a year ago. She would wake up in the morning and start drinking wine and she wouldn't stop until she went to sleep at night. she drank wine while she was driving and at one point years ago I found out when she was watching my kids she was drinking wine and driving with them and then I couldn't let her babysit again. A few months before she died I had a very very strong feeling she was going to die and I have so many mixed emotions. I pulled away from her because of it and now I feel guilty but she was in denial. And the sad thing is she couldn't stop. But she loved Jesus and every day on Facebook she posted scriptures too.
@suzannemiller993
8 ай бұрын
If the Mother-in-law was smart, she would jump for joy to have a DIL who wanted a relationship with her. I tried to have one with mine and she treated me poorly. After 12 years, I gave up trying.
@onebeyutiful
8 ай бұрын
I feel the same. My mil prefers her own daughter and granddaughters over me and her other grandchildren. It’s painfully obvious.
@bufficliff8978
6 ай бұрын
Both of her parents died, her daughter is being neglected and abused, and her son is getting divorced. Forgive her for not jumping for joy right now. If she knows the DIL cares about her then it can be tabled for now.
@JudePi-jx7yo
3 ай бұрын
Yeah yin and yang. She will be overbearing to her son's wife and think she is the perfect MIL.
@natevankoevering2423
8 ай бұрын
If the wife or the husband is keeping score the spouse can’t win.
@lyndalamb3221
8 ай бұрын
Understandably, the wife can't really empathize with all that her mil is going through. It's also understandable that she was hurt that her birthday was mostly ignored after all she's been doing to help her husband's famly.
@alikat9lives
8 ай бұрын
It took almost 20 years for me and my father in law to build a relationship. I adore him, he is the only person who actually talks to our kids and loves them unconditionally. It's not been easy, we hated each other for years. But relationships take work, forgiveness, grace and time. It's too soon.
@pipperlue
8 ай бұрын
I love the way he described his family’s Easter 😂🩵
@CrystalM1917
8 ай бұрын
😅
@deniseowen3987
8 ай бұрын
In my family you only got gifts on birthdays and Christmas. Other families show love differently. Sometimes that difference can make you feel unloved.
@shb8212
8 ай бұрын
I can relate to this girl... there isn't much effort at relationship with my in-laws, yet they really would like all of our free time. They love connecting with their kids but we spouses are left out on the wings. I'm often feeling very lonely in a room full of people. Maybe I am immature also, like everyone seems to be leaping toward in these comments, or maybe we're just realizing our expectations and desire for relationship are not likely ever going to be reality and it's hard to release that sometimes... especially when you're in those early, insecure years of marriage and building a family. I'm taking notes about the kind of MIL I want to be though!!
@madelinem3216
8 ай бұрын
This callers situation is totally different. They have only been married a little over 1 year and in that time her mother in laws parents (not one, but both) died. That alone will knock someone off their feet. To top it all off mom also is dealing with her daughters family issues. For MIL to REMEMBER her new DIL birthday with a text in the middle of that storm to me shows loads of love and caring. This wife seems to be immature and hopefully with more life experience she will learn to meet others where they are and not expect everyone to act like her family does.
@alqoshgirl
8 ай бұрын
Yeah you’re immature
@comment_account2343
8 ай бұрын
You are not crazy nor immature. I have experienced it and it is very violent to be ignored. It taps into our primal fears where we would have depended on in-laws to feed us and keep us safe in the past. I think everyone is trying to find logical explanation, but she know in her guts that they don't respect her or like her. He is also rationalizing his position in the out group by the lack of grandkid, but he is likely the one on the outside with the siblings. It's going to take the husband to get into a bad situation himself ( i.e. injury etc.) to notice that no one shows up for them, and that the mom will still cater to the others even if not much is going on. When'if they have kids, I wouldn't hold my breath on the grandkids getting much attention from anyone in the family or they will be requesting the grand kids to visit without her.
@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom
8 ай бұрын
@@madelinem3216 The husband ended up admitting that his wife is always there for his family, doing things for them and helping them… I don’t think it’s too much to ask that they put a little more effort than a text message for her birthday, considering all that she does for them. I’ve lost both of my parents, and they were everything to me, I’m not even me anymore, Im untethered, I’m a shadow of my former self… but if I were lucky enough to have someone in my life who cared and did a lot for me & my remaining family… you better believe that person would feel loved and appreciated for it on their birthday. That’s the thing about losing loved ones, it makes you appreciate the people you have left on your life, it doesn’t make you neglect or feel like not bothering with them. If they cared, they would’ve showed it. They’re putting in the bare minimum effort into someone who puts a lot of effort into them and that’s not fair.
@vaska1999
3 ай бұрын
I don't think you're immature.
@CrystalM1917
8 ай бұрын
I have a similar hx ,but im almost 15 yrs in. She needs to let it go. She can only control her actions and the sooner she realizes this, the more peace she will have. Dont let other ppls actions dictate how you are, always be the person you want to be.
@khalayii
8 ай бұрын
His family is going through a hard time and she’s helpful and that’s great, but helpful with conditions. If my parents died, someone else’s birthday would be the last thing on my mind. Plus everyone is different. Not everyone is into birthdays or big celebrations. She has to understand it’s not about her. She sounds young, spoiled and immature. She has a lot of maturing to do. Great advice Dr. John.
@thecramptons
8 ай бұрын
Exactly
@kararodriguez7940
8 ай бұрын
I 100% agree with you
@genxx2724
8 ай бұрын
Super immature and self-centered. Her parents told her she was a princess.
@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom
8 ай бұрын
He said they both are always there for his family, always going out of their way and doing things for his family… I don’t think it’s too much to ask, even under the circumstances, to expect more than a text, if that. She’s not asking them to throw her a parade, just some consideration. It’s a one sided relationship and it’s unappreciative after everything she does, to not or barely acknowledge her birthday.
@khalayii
8 ай бұрын
@@The.Hawaiian.Kingdomthat’s the point I made above. Don’t do anything with conditions. Don’t do good deeds expecting the same in return. People show love differently. People have different values. His family sounds like they were never the type to make a fuss about their kids. I got tons of texts for my birthday from people I’m close to. Birthdays are not their thing, but if I ever need them, they are there in other ways. Plus, his parents are having a rough time. My best friend barely acknowledged my birthday this year. Her life is a mess now. She is fighting to keep a roof over her head. Did I pout and stomp my feet? No. Why? Because I’m a grown mature woman who understands life. She has some maturing to do.
@kararodriguez7940
8 ай бұрын
Are you kidding me? The mom’s parents died within six months apart and they are having some other issues going on with the family. they sent her a happy birthday text acknowledging her birthday and she’s not happy with that. I mean how old is she 15? This is not the time to celebrate nobody’s birthday. The mom is grieving. How selfish can you be
@TheFlowerQueen
2 ай бұрын
Yeah... The wife might benefit from a little perspective in this situation 😅
@sw6155
8 ай бұрын
I can’t deal with gifts and cards and what not like that, I don’t come from that culture, my husband’s family knows that and respect that limitation. We gotta meet each other where we’re all at… We can’t expect from others what we think should be done only, we have to account for people’s abilities…
@pearl_lisha896
8 ай бұрын
I think Jon handled the call very well, wife needs to be called out on her crap and husband needed to feel validated for feeling how he feels. And now he has a plan of action, love it!
@tanyawins
8 ай бұрын
What I say which is what the wife should transition into… is grieve the kind of family dynamics you wanted to have with the in-laws if they don’t make adjustments over time, and you can create those family traditions you desire with your husband, your side of the family, and children when you have them. What has helped me is accepting that I can’t change people, but I have the power to change ME. p.s. I get birthday texts all the time, I’m good with that 🤣🤣🤣 … yes I get late birthday gifts also, but texts to me means I don’t have to take several phone calls on my birthday, which to me is tiring bc I’m a talker, and on my birthday I just want to relax! ❤️
@jynclr
8 ай бұрын
This is the actual solution. You can offer up a relationship full of joy, love, and celebration and the other person in the relationship can want that, but it doesn't mean that they want it ENOUGH in order to be able to do the WORK required to have just such a relationship.
@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom
8 ай бұрын
I agree. And I also don’t think the text was the real issue, the real issue was that she puts so much effort into being there for his family and they couldn’t bother to show her a little appreciation beyond a text. I’m sure that if they reciprocated in other ways, she would’ve been satisfied with a text. It’s not about expecting them to throw her a parade, it’s just about consideration and effort.
@michelehaan3738
8 ай бұрын
Such great advice Dr John. I have such a great MIL but in our early years I really did not understand her. My husband was a really good bridge for both of us and we’ve grown to be very close through the years. The blessing of that has been carried to the next generation as my son is that bridge of understanding between me and my DIL. Honestly I wish there were more books on navigating in-law relationships!
@belindavandyke8363
8 ай бұрын
Whether they are in the storm or not, it’s never OK to be ignored/discounted. I feel for this wife firsthand, although it was my own mother putting me on the side burner not my mother-in-law.
@jman64491
7 ай бұрын
My husbands family doesnt do much for bdays, Christmas etc. My family goes all out. That was evident when we dated...I dont think his family has to change for her. Cant he just tell her my family doesnt do that?
@WetNosesHappyTails
7 ай бұрын
I’m in exact situation. My husband and I have a healthy, stable relationship and WE have a great relationship with my family. We do spend time and all the family things lol. On the other hand, his family isn’t sociable. When they come over, they just say hi and that’s it. All the conversations is to my husband and don’t talk to me at all. My parents live 6 hours from me and they (or I) visit every month and his family live 25 MINS and only visited us twice last year lol 😅 I’m not expecting a special treatment from his family, I just want a friendship or something you know. They don’t care to know me at all. So I just gave up.
@anndeecosita3586
8 ай бұрын
I understand somewhat how the wife feels although I’m an only child. The issue was more with my grandparents among the grandchildren. I grew up as the unproblematic grandchild so in a lot of ways I felt like my grandparents gave my cousin a lot more attention. She was always getting in trouble like skipping school, sneaking out, experimenting with drugs, did a hit and run in my granddaddy’s car and some other stuff I won’t say where the police got involved. My parents were more of a support system for me while hers were largely out of the picture. Her dad skipped out completely after the divorce and her mom was in and out of psychiatric hospitals after that. However, being a child/teen I saw it as they give her more attention even though I get good grades and win trophies. Over time I realized my grandparents did this because they felt like she needed more attention from them than I did and it was true. Not saying they totally ignored me. Later my cousin complained that my grandparents were always comparing her to me. So I found out they were saying “why can’t you be more like AnnDee.” Not a great predicament to be in. Also not everyone is the lovey dovey emotional type. My dad isn’t and sometimes it has hurt me that I go to him when I feel heartbroken and he’s giving me an analytical response when I just want a shoulder to cry on. I decided to accept that’s just not who he is.
@rosec8101
8 ай бұрын
My MIL gave us $50 for our wedding but paid 20k for his brothers. They asked us for money while I was pregnant not the other 2 kids just my husband and I. They do cake and ice cream for b-day for everyone but me. They out right told me they don't care about my family seeing grand kids. They used to see us every 4-6 weeks. When we had a baby they showed up every 3 days. Then they wanted to know why I was mad they wanted my kid to come over Christmas day without me. That's rude stuff just because. Just saying I would love to not be treated differently. But I am and will be for the rest of my life.
@comment_account2343
8 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing! I have been asked to send grand kids without me too!
@CJ2023Incognito
6 ай бұрын
Grown adults wanting over the top attention on their birthdays is straight up obnoxious. I get it with your spouse… but extended family?
@johnditoro1676
3 ай бұрын
Wife vs Mom? No contest. 100% the wife!
@jasminebaby3375
8 ай бұрын
I think Dr John you got this one wrong. I empathize with the wife. The wife shouldn’t be penalized because she doesn’t have kids or chaos in her life. This is what some family get it wrong. I have three sister in-laws and two of them have kids and the one who doesn’t have children is often ignored. I see my mother in law constantly helping the two with children, and doing activities with them. The one without children gives so much to her niece and nephews. During Christmas or birthdays I always make sure her present are 3 times what everyone gets 😂😂😂.
@thedangerousduo77
8 ай бұрын
You’re spot on. Have experienced this.
@thebigredfish
8 ай бұрын
Agreed
@makethereaperfearyou
8 ай бұрын
Penalized? That's ridiculous. The wife is thinking about herself only and it's an ugly look.
@cathy7824
8 ай бұрын
I dont buy gifts. I dont want people buying me gifts. If you buy me a gift I will not go out and buy you a gift.
@KidCity1985
8 ай бұрын
Of course we don't know the wifes story.
@Hen-of-the-Month
8 ай бұрын
Good morning from Omaha, Dr. Delony! I loved your little song about our city in the intro 🥰
@rebeccaofpollywogflatts8976
8 ай бұрын
A great book to read before moving in with someone is "Lies at the Alter." Very basic day to day things are discussed. Marriage is the little in your face day to day things.
@lilolmecj
8 ай бұрын
None of the integrating families is easy. My son dated and then was engaged to his now wife for fourteen years! They literally grew up together in their adult life. She is a very difficult person to get close to, it is a long story, and she has very valid reasons. I have tried really hard to not smother her with love, because it makes her uncomfortable. So it has been such a balancing act to be open, accepting, and not overstepping. Two years ago our son descended into alcoholism, we weren’t aware of the extent. He has always had a bad relationship with alcohol, when he drinks he becomes belligerent. But we didn’t know it had become truly problematic until he informed us he was going into detox. Neither of them shared anything. So over the following six months we called, texted, helped them keep their yard in shape over the summer because they both worked long hours. But while we thought things were getting better, they were getting worse. Eventually he went into a thirty day in-house rehab. In my opinion it was an utter waste of time because there was really no therapy, nearly zero medical supervision which is very dangerous, and except forgiving her a break from his bad behavior it was unsuccessful. During that time we continued to go over and mow their lawn, and brought him things he needed or wanted or needed once a week. I sent her one or two texts a week offering any help she might need, took her to and from the airport so she could go see her dad for a few days, and our daughter filled in to care for their cats. When this was all over our son asked if we would try to mend fences because she didn’t feel supported while he was in the rehab center. I feel really sad because I really don’t know how to fix this, I love her, and I did what we had been doing, and thought if she needed more she would ask. Thankfully he did, on his own with her support, get off of alcohol and has not taken up a different addiction. They are doing really well, and a year after he had his last drink they got married. But it still weighs on my mind and heart because I never sat down and talked to her, I , a person who has a word for every occasion, am completely at a loss of how to approach.
@rebeccaofpollywogflatts8976
8 ай бұрын
Hugs to you. I don't have any answers but I hear you.
@jman64491
7 ай бұрын
My husband and I struggled with infertility and during that time, no one did enough for me. I was sad and hurting and angry and felt very lonely. People were insenstive and said cruel things, making me bitter against everyone. In the end, alot of it was a me problem and not everyone else. Maybe one day she will look back and realize you were there for her. If she is feeling anything like I felt, a conversation will not change her mind, just give her an opportunity to tell you how you failed her. Sorry you have to have this in your relationship.
@lilolmecj
7 ай бұрын
@@jman64491 I am sorry you had such difficult and complicated emotions. I do hope that in time we can talk about how we all felt, it was very hard for everyone. Thank you for your kind and compassionate comment.💕
@warrensloan3467
8 ай бұрын
If you start off with the goal of having an amazing relationship with someone before you actually have the amazing relationship, you never will.
@bufficliff8978
6 ай бұрын
Narcissists tend to over emphasize birthdays and view others' suffering as an intentional deficit of attention paid to the narcissist.
@vaska1999
3 ай бұрын
Some families love to celebrate birthdays, and there's nothing narcissistic about it, about showing your family members how much you value them.
@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom
8 ай бұрын
When you get married, you are marrying your spouses family as well… people don’t think about that. So if an affectionate, considerate, warm and loving family is that important to you… make sure those boxes are checked ✔️ BEFORE getting married. You can’t change the way your spouse is, you DEFINITELY can’t change the way his entire family is. With that said, considering how available and there for his family she is, how she goes out of her way for them, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that they do more than send a text message on her birthday & I think they’re being selfish & entitled and she’s investing more into the relationship than they are. She has every right to be upset & her husband should’ve started off his phone call with THAT, rather than immediately painted her out to be unreasonable, irrational and bratty and THATS my main concern, he views her that way, when she’s not, he makes excuses for his family, rather than being supportive of his wife.
@comment_account2343
8 ай бұрын
Often in these situation, the husband is actually the one who is in an insecure position with his family, so he is probably desperate to defend them, because he has been making excuse for them his entire life. If he start to support his wife, he will have to recognize that they have been mistreating him too.
@alittlepieceofearth
8 ай бұрын
Um, I don't think it's his family's job to conform their culture to the wife's demands. Rather than forcing his whole family to get on board for his wife's birthday when it is likely something they don't do for their own children, HE can be the one to be over the top for her birthday, since he is the one creating a life with her and this is what it looks like in their household. AND she may need to understand that his family speaks love in different ways than her family. For example, his family may not be overly demonstrative, but if you are moving, they will all show up with a truck and boxes. They may not get crazy with a birthday, but when she needs to go back to her family for some family emergency, maybe his family are the ones that will take care of the kids and house so that she can do that. Love is spoken in different ways.
@comment_account2343
8 ай бұрын
the reality is...if it's too hard to send more than a text (when clearly they can stop by very fast to drop the kids or for service rendered), it's unlikely they will reciprocate back any favor. They will always be dealing with "something really hard at the moment" and call them selfish. It is possible that they are all going through hell right now, and the situation will normalize soon. But I think the wife is starting to feel that she is taken advantage of, and the birthday text was just a bad example.
@RussellD11
8 ай бұрын
Why do all these things do the "studio effect", where at the last 30 seconds you cut off the caller so they cant speak, and do this speech at the end? Why?
@jmeboil
8 ай бұрын
I had no idea what this was called but it bothers me as well. Why talk “at” them? It’s so disconnecting and comes across as arrogant. Thank you for bringing attention to this.
@beesknees213
8 ай бұрын
Bonnie Rhatt said it best....'cause I can't make you love me if you don't......
@larissabrewington9065
8 ай бұрын
I think John is kinda off here. I think the wife feeling left out isn't about being selfish. I think she wants to feel needed and loved and may not know how to get in there and 'be' important to the in laws.
@sw6155
8 ай бұрын
His life will get very tiring very fast if he’ll become the “facilitator” to ensure her wants are met every time… His wife needs to get over herself and eat some humble pie… People are different, families are different… Get over it…
@jman64491
7 ай бұрын
100%
@carolallison9685
8 ай бұрын
Im going to be one of the outliers who defends the wife. Mom sounds like she has social problems. Literally, all of the research shows how damaging ignoring attempts at bonding can be to relationships. It seems the wife is trying to bond with his family because she was raised by a healthy family, so she can't understand why his mom isn't putting in the effort. Honestly, i would just stop trying and focus on my own family of origin, then invite my husband into my family of origin. The husband hasnt experienced her families dynamic for very long, so it probably still feels odd, but over time, he will start to see that her family has a much healthier dynamic. And for everyone criticizing the wife, ask yourself which family you would rather grow up in, hers or his.
@rayf6126
8 ай бұрын
His mother might not be ignoring the attempts at bonding, but missing the mark. I like working with people and contributing to my community. I invited a friend over to cook with me until she said I feel like you use me to do things for you. I was shocked that I hurt the relationship. Now, we alternate between cooking together and reading or watching a movie.
@onebeyutiful
8 ай бұрын
Glad you see more of how the wife feels. It’s obvious that the mil has favorites.
@inspiredbyjayweightlossjou9843
4 ай бұрын
His wife sounds exhausting
@rayf6126
8 ай бұрын
Being married for the first 2 years is about anchoring in in rough water. Your finances, home, and beliefs change for both spouses. Then his mother is dealing with an addict, another rough water situation. Her mother seems to be at peace with things, so I'd anchor into that relationship until things calm down. Stop comparing the relationships with someone at peace, vs. someone who has been knocked flat.
@bdesimone698
24 күн бұрын
Moms are only as happy as they’re unhappiest kid
@oliviamedeiros8882
5 ай бұрын
To be truly generous, you have to expect nothing in return. Otherwise, you are not a giver, you are an exchanger. I give something and I get something. Considering that there are so many fires, either you help or you get out of the way.
@liz9284
4 ай бұрын
It is absolutely bizarre to me to read comments on these videos. It really blows my mind. I’ll put it this way-it makes me appreciate how someone in Dr John’s position can take these calls, listen to them, and not allow their own crap to dictate what they tell others. I can’t get my head around ppl who tell him his advice is “bad” or “wrong” bc “when I experienced this it made me feel _____, and that’s never ok” or whatever. I thought the whole point of listening to these calls was to expand your own perspective, not to sit there and judge the advice given to someone else. At the very least, to understand that other ppl are not you, other situations are not yours, and telling someone what to do based on your own situation is not necessarily the right approach. Dr John is the one they’re asking for help, so for ppl to feel so entitled to tell him he’s wrong on his own show, even if it’s just in the comments, is kinda crazy to me. Especially when you can so easily see that they’re not able to detach themselves from their own experiences. Idk, I started reading comments here and there thinking it would help flesh out certain perspectives, but it’s done the opposite, it’s just made me see how self-absorbed ppl can really be. Some of the comments are great, and you can tell the person saying them is coming from a place of caring, but most of the time it’s just ppl trying to tell other ppl what to do bc “I would never put up with that”, or “that person is a narcissist”. It’s been eye opening, for sure.
@JudePi-jx7yo
3 ай бұрын
A month and not a single upvote is kind of a sad commentary. People like giving opinions that;s what the comments are for. I only comment when I disagree but totally get he's right more (a lot mroe) than I would be answering the same calls.
@9liveslisa
8 ай бұрын
I don't think his parents should have to step up. I think the wife needs to understand both sets of parents are different and she probably isn't going to get treated like her parents treat her. She needs to get real. The world doesn't revolve around her. Ugh!
@alqoshgirl
8 ай бұрын
She sounds like a whiner. When you give you don’t expect to receive back. Quite honestly she sounds to have been spoiled. Imagine thinking ‘hand me downs’ are a sign of a poor family life 😂 we’re pretty well off and I love hand me downs for my kids! Seriously. Tell your wife to cut the crap. The family doesn’t seem to have done anything disrespectful. You can’t force someone to act the way you want. I would find it very weird if the husband goes to his mom and tell her to shower his wife on her birthday 😂 bad advice John. The wife needs to also accept that the MIL doesn’t do that to anyone
@nicme
7 ай бұрын
Why would an adult expect anything on her bday more than a happy bday wish?
@lifeaccordingtotheo9643
8 ай бұрын
This is just like our family. Grandma-in-law is always putting out fires for all the other siblings chaos. We aren't on fire so they forget we exist. It can be lonely and feel neglectful but you have to, in a way, take it as a compliment and give selflessly. We send out the cards and gifts to make someones day, knowing we won't get anything in return.
@beiliangzhu
8 ай бұрын
Why can't some people just let relationships grow naturally and respect other people's space and pacing? Give and help out when you can and stop demanding reciprocation. It's not healthy to only give with the expectation of receiving.
@joeriveracomedy
8 ай бұрын
I almost got married. My mom had zero say in anything. My would be wife would have been number avove EVERYTHING because I am a man.
@GodSaveTheClothes
8 ай бұрын
She sounds entitled and narcissistic
@MrJimmy3459
8 ай бұрын
How old is she 12? I'm lucky to even get a text on my birthday from my family and it doesn't bother me one bit
@carolallison9685
8 ай бұрын
Why do you think thats normal? None of that is ok. What is wrong with your family and why arent you in counseling? You are gonna blow up one of these days if you keep stuffing it and acting like its all fine. None of that is fine. For gods sake, im a stranger on the internet who doesnt know you from adams house cat, and even i would text you on your birthday.
@MrJimmy3459
8 ай бұрын
@carolallison9685 LOL please tell me your joking
@CrystalM1917
8 ай бұрын
It's different cultures. My family is very close and we make sure to make family feel appreciated and special on their birthday. Not all families are like that.
@mrich9654
8 ай бұрын
I left my amazing husband because his mother was a true monster in law . Sometimes it’s not worth staying where you’re not wanted
@alqoshgirl
8 ай бұрын
That just makes you an idiot. Seriously what a dumb reason to divorce over
@crystalsnow1138
8 ай бұрын
If I had an amazing husband it would take a lot more than his mom for me to divorce him. What exactly did she do that was so terrible that it caused you to leave an amazing man?
@user-he6rs8xi7u
8 ай бұрын
?
@emilyh6293
8 ай бұрын
He wasn’t that amazing then, if he couldn’t set appropriate boundaries on your behalf.
@mrich9654
8 ай бұрын
@crystalsnow1138. Well I should have led with the blatant racism towards my half Mexican family.
@LivMYlif3
8 ай бұрын
No way would I entertain a grown woman crying about not getting certain stuff or attention for her birthday. Especially, just because her mom decided to do that for him.
@carolbrasket7119
8 ай бұрын
They celebrate your birthday, seems that is what I heard, so not even a call, what does she do for her in laws, does she do a card? But the in laws seem like they don't like her,
@augustacookeygam5579
7 ай бұрын
His wife should let it go, if the parents are not the over affectionate type or they are going through a lot then she should drop it
@kitkat3155
8 ай бұрын
In my family we don’t do things to get things in return, we help each other just because we want to. Because that’s just what family should do for each other. Christmas is a big deal in my house because it’s about the whole family but birthdays not so much. Every family has a different dynamic but to expect people to make a big deal out of your birthday is immature. It’s always nice to get a gift or a card but it’s immature as an adult to not be able to realise that you aren’t always going to be a priority (even on your birthday) and that people have stuff going on in their lives. 🤷🏼♀️
@sungear
5 ай бұрын
It is inconceivable to me that any person would want more involvement from their damn in laws. It took me 20 years before my in-laws learned to respect my family's privacy.
@OopThereItIs77777
8 ай бұрын
People receive & accept love differently. You could walk past me on my birthday & it wouldn’t change a thing; others would think you forgot them. Maybe their parents forgot their birthday. For whatever reason, his wife needs affirmations or she doesn’t feel liked/loved.
@sarazink2237
8 ай бұрын
She needs to manage her expectations and be a little less needy.
@lookouthill11
6 ай бұрын
I’ve been in the wife’s position but thankfully I was glad to have space from the in laws. They had a solid busy life with their large family that lived locally, so a childless daughter in law with a completely different lifestyle and life viewpoint was a very low priority to them. But they were kind people who loved when I showed up and spent quality time being a part of their celebrations. Merging families is tough and I hope I’m lucky next time around if that happens.
@siegfriedbraun5447
8 ай бұрын
Disagree. For him to tell his folks that his wife (childishly) expects to be fawned-over is just so wrong! Forcing THEM to adopt HER values, is wrong on so many levels.
@Somuchtotalkabout
8 ай бұрын
Adopt her values is right. His parents don’t have to do that. Her spouse yea. But that’s not a responsibility of his parents. Everyone’s family dynamic is different. It’s important at going into a new family for you to understand their dynamics and plan accordingly.
@siegfriedbraun5447
8 ай бұрын
@@Somuchtotalkabout really? No, he doesn't! They can certainly negotiate, but it ain't a requirement! My folks absolutely insisted on giving me a new car, every birthday. Tough schitt for my stay-at-home wife, huh?
@brendacarlson6575
6 ай бұрын
I believe that if your wife actually just spend time with your mom . Visit and chat about family, old times when her children were younger. , family memories, this gets people closer together. The more effort put into the relationship, the more your get out of it . One needs to put their own needs and desires aside and put others first.
@Susan13554
8 ай бұрын
I feel so sorry for the wife. The husband'd family sucks clearly.
@tracyaf6084
8 ай бұрын
I’m from a text on your birthday family. I honestly am happy with that. My husband is from an expensive gifts on your birthday family. He manages his family and I manage mine 😂
@cw5948
8 ай бұрын
The wife is living on recruit difficulty.
@jennifershray4962
8 ай бұрын
I'm surprised the couple hadn't figured out that the family situation/upbringings were very different. The celebrate milestones different and it takes time to adjust or accept those differences. I don't think parents try to favor one adult child/family over the other, but the parents are maybe more reactive to situations, instead of proactive.
@AccidentalHiker1
8 ай бұрын
I'm a hands off MIL. Thats how I am with everyone including my grandkids. I don't celebrate 🤷 .
@Susan13554
8 ай бұрын
That's really narcissistic of you not to be able to celebrate the other people.
@lizwiens671
8 ай бұрын
I think it’s a mistake to expect the spouses family to adapt to how you grew up and meet all those expectations. She needs to grow up his family has other priorities right now
@jaimiverhey5728
2 ай бұрын
I think Dr John dropped the ball on this one.
@blueseptember2174
8 ай бұрын
She sounds young and very immature(failure to launch). Kind of like how a teenager would think honestly. Hopefully there's a learning curve(it just takes.some of us longer) and she learns to back of the reigns a bit. If you all ever have kids, she'll see why the grandkids got first billing. It's kind of like when you think you're a dog mom then you actually have your own baby and think 'was I high or what?'
@John3_16_
8 ай бұрын
Truer words have never been said.
@distorbia20
8 ай бұрын
My mum gives more time to my siblings and their kids is because my siblings need more support and I don’t see that as offensive. My husband and I had the kids and always ensure our kids are our responsibility. If my parents come and show love great if not seriously I won’t sit here cry about it
@kristinj1778
7 ай бұрын
I get her perspective. All of my family loves and showers my husband with attention. I tried to cultivate relationships with my husbands family and they were always full of excuses, in both good and bad seasons. That’s fine, when we have kids don’t come over 😂
@Blessingsfromautism
8 ай бұрын
What if this has been the situation for the past 17 years? The other two children refuse to fully get their act together in different ways? I have asked my mother-in-law two different times for help raising my son with special needs. Both times she was in another state or plans to go to the other seat to help the other in law.
@chrisw8627
8 ай бұрын
I love my daughter in law, I don’t want to intrude or be overbearing make her feel like I’m up her ass so I don’t harass and stalk her lol but I want to I want that baby 😂
@tracyotrhuiskamp1012
8 ай бұрын
I could understand if the mil showered her other daughters in law with gifts and didn’t do anything for his wife but this does not seem to be the case. The wife needs to stop the bs and accept not everybody needs to b like her parents
@sherryd3299
Ай бұрын
Just because he family showers presents on each other doesn't mean his family has to do it. It's somewhat vulgar after a certain age to get your nose out of joint for not getting much in the way of presents especially when her mother-in-laws life is desperate right now
@sellmav
2 ай бұрын
What they’re doing isn’t help. It’s manipulation. Showing up in ppls life and doing things for them while keeping score with the expectation of them becoming something they’ve never been is condescending and narcissistic.
@judybaker3196
8 ай бұрын
Wow - magic ever since!
@davinasquirrel7672
3 ай бұрын
I suspect the wife feels unappreciated, for her trying to do the right thing and being helpful. It could be that the rest of the family being too wrapped up in their own dramas and not realising, or they are just 'takers', and no appreciation in the long term will happen.
@RobertaRico705
2 ай бұрын
I will buy my child whatever i want for her birthday. She has a boyfriend. That doesnt make me obligated to go all out for his... I would never want a present from somebody if it wasnt their choice to get it for me...
@ricefarmer3036
Ай бұрын
This guy needs to get divorced immediately. He is still in the honeymoon phase and he is dealing with this. Run!
@LittleImpaler
6 ай бұрын
The wife feels unappreciated. Since she helps his family out a lot.
@kimberlym610
16 күн бұрын
I disagree - it's not up to the in laws to change their normal family culture to suit the wife's birthday preferences. That's crazy.
@elainebmack
8 ай бұрын
This situation with James/wife/mother-in-law sounds so overly complicated and over the top to me with all these people looking for affirmation, credit, strokes, being "liked", inclusion in this and that. It sounds like someone is looking for the Big Payoff. These relationships are not to be found at ATMs.
@ParklandWAfictionwriter
8 ай бұрын
LOL, I wish my in laws would just leave me and my husband alone to just exist together on our birthdays and holidays.
@athenagates6089
8 ай бұрын
Wow. I feel like I lost brain cells. You can't buy love or affection, so being the FIRST to offer help or FIRST to do anything earns you absolutely nothing when it comes to the way that you want people to show their love to you. Communication does, however why is the wife trying to change the dynamic in this family- embrace it. Embrace your nieces and nephews, you're not a child so there is no comparison. Ugh, I didn't catch her age but I'm guessing early 20s.
@donnasearch1
3 ай бұрын
She wants to be closer to her mother-in law. I really wish she was on this call to defend herself. Because I don’t think you guys understand how women think.
@shaunalea823
8 ай бұрын
It’s not a competition she needs to chill. If they obviously didn’t like her that would be one thing but everyone is different every family has a different dynamic. My family is completely different than my husbands family and that’s ok. His wife seems really petty.
@distorbia20
8 ай бұрын
The wife needs to lower her expectations then she will be fine
@wenchyfoodwench4098
8 ай бұрын
The wife needs to Grow up.
@diggernash1
8 ай бұрын
Why should they cater to this woman's wants? Tell her to get over herself.
@hommy1614
8 ай бұрын
Read The Five Love Languages, take the quiz, exchange answers with one another, and try not to worry too much about whether or not your in-laws are speaking your language. 😊This poor mother-in-law is in the thick of it and has to make oxygen choices. 😒
@stillwatersfarm8499
8 ай бұрын
I feel like DILs have to realize that MILs do not choose these relationships. I am only a DIL right now but as my kids are growing up these kinds of calls terrify me. Is some woman going to enter my life who is going to be mad I don’t cater to her preferences? I think is better to have zero expectations of other women. I have never criticized my MIL. If my husband has an issue, I will support him or her as I see it, but I have no personal expectations. I get frustrated when people put their expectations on me, so I don’t do that back. The only expectation I have is for honesty and integrity. 🤷🏼♀️
@Susan13554
8 ай бұрын
You sound like a treat
@stillwatersfarm8499
8 ай бұрын
@@Susan13554 I hope so. I think it is kind not to burden other people.
@Susan13554
8 ай бұрын
@@stillwatersfarm8499 seeing people as burden? Aren't you wholesome
@stillwatersfarm8499
8 ай бұрын
@@Susan13554 who said people are a burden? I said I do not like to burden other people with my expectations of their behavior. That has nothing to do with seeing people as a burden. What gives anyone the right to have expectations of the behavior of someone they haven’t entered into an agreement with beyond simple honesty and integrity?
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