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@evelynbarton6349
26 күн бұрын
WOW, I'm 67 & my mother still thinks she owns me. Truth
@MichaelPhillipsatGreyOwlStudio
26 күн бұрын
Yeah, I'm 56, and the same thing here. "But I'm your MOTHER" is always her protest whenever I want some boundaries, just like Jerry says.
@MasonLeCompte
26 күн бұрын
48 and same
@jl3268
26 күн бұрын
54 and same. But im writing the rest of my story. Not them. No more sacrificing myself so they can feel in control.
@RobbieAndGaryGardeningEasy
26 күн бұрын
OMG can I relate!
@rcmwandering8653
26 күн бұрын
64 here and FAST approaching Popeye point.
@chocolatecookie8571
26 күн бұрын
They never ask you how you are. Or if they ask they do it because they need a favor from you.
@Maniac_987
26 күн бұрын
Or because they need to use you for emotional incest.
@earthrooster1969
26 күн бұрын
Absolutely! Never... I wished SO MANY TIMES they asked me how I am.. I knew they were scared of my reply just in case I put them in a SPOT!
@beyourowntruelove
26 күн бұрын
Yes! I used to get sucked in…. Now I know the game. Feigning interest in my emotional state = mother needs support
@rcmwandering8653
26 күн бұрын
They only barely care, and it isn't about you anyway. They want something either from you or from elsewhere, and they perceived you as the key to whatever it is.
@user-nhfdstgv
24 күн бұрын
😂 same
@andriyandriychuk
26 күн бұрын
I never heard "I am sorry, I was wrong".
@lesleyvivien2876
26 күн бұрын
They don't know the words!
@natalia1045
26 күн бұрын
@@andriyandriychuk neverrrrr
@kara4590
25 күн бұрын
My sister says I'm sorry next minute hurts my feelings again.
@polymathdj3
25 күн бұрын
Yep. Once, she said, I'm sorry you feel that way. At the time, I was like, wow! She apologised, but something felt off. I googled it and then realised she's apologising for MY feelings.
@lesleyvivien2876
25 күн бұрын
@@polymathdj3 Exactly. Everything was your fault, so nothing had changed. 😥
@ricklorion
25 күн бұрын
1. "I'm sorry, I was wrong." 2. "Your feelings are valid." 3. "What do you need from me?" 4. "Let's talk about how you feel." 5. "You did a great job, and you deserve credit." 6. "I'm proud of you for your effort, regardless of the outcome." 7. "You have the right to set your own boundaries." 8. "It's okay to make mistakes; that's how you learn." 9. "Your achievements are yours." 10. "You are enough, just as you are." Self-differentiation tips: 1. Learn to say these things to yourself. 2. Let go of the need of them ever saying any of it to you. 3. Repeat to yourself: I don't need them, I need me.
@gatorssbm
24 күн бұрын
Yep be the parent to your inner child you wish you had, takes ages when youve never heard anything this warm before but its possible.
@user-nhfdstgv
24 күн бұрын
" i love you"
@amberfuchs398
23 күн бұрын
💖💪
@Maniac_987
26 күн бұрын
This is so true. My parents have never said "Im sorry" or "I was wrong".
@daniellfourie
26 күн бұрын
Jerry, the fatherly and loving way you talk about self-acceptance is something I never heard from any parent. Thank you for being this.
@lauren_08
26 күн бұрын
The phrase my narc mom loves using is “I’m sorry… for whatever I’ve done” after sending her a 2 page email (this was years ago) explaining all of my issues with her and listing all the nasty things she’s done. Still tries to act like she has no idea. 2 years no contact and not a single genuine apology or any acknowledgment. Waste of time….
@catalinafirefly4685
26 күн бұрын
All just to help her feel better!
@kelseastarr3811
26 күн бұрын
I can relate
@mtnriffraff68
26 күн бұрын
Same here.🤚🏼 Wrote her a letter (made a copy) in attempt to explain to her why I can’t always drop things (my family) and go help her for weeks at a time (she lives over 12-hours away). She said it was “the meanest letter I’ve ever written her.” And that she let someone else read it and they agreed. (😂) There was no swearing, no name-calling, no blaming, just me expressing my reason for not helping her.
@Andrea-lp4bb
26 күн бұрын
@mtnriffraff68 yup the good old "you're being mean to me". I've had in the past "you're being nasty to me" about the vaguest slightest most trivial thing
@lesliegann2737
26 күн бұрын
@@Andrea-lp4bb Sounds just like Trump. He loves the words mean and nasty too.
@maygardens-ey5pn
26 күн бұрын
Thanks, if I ever hear this from them I will indeed stop to look out the window to see the pigs flying by.
@davehendricks4824
14 күн бұрын
😂
@sunnyadams5842
2 күн бұрын
😂😂😂😂 Meeee too!!!
@donnastitz1497
9 күн бұрын
Thank U Jerry. U hit the nail on the head for every sentence... But U forgot just one. "MY" Narcissistic mother never ever sincerely said, " I LOVE YOU." NEVER😥 !
@tspencer661
24 күн бұрын
Years ago I learned that the only person who needs to love me is me. I wake up with myself every morning and go to bed with myself every night. If I can love myself, that’s the only love I need. Is it nice if someone else loves me? Of course. Someone else loving me is just a bonus.
@mikelouis9389
26 күн бұрын
Ghosting my family, siblings, surviving parent and children was the smartest move I ever made. 12 years on and even more determined to remain clean.
@kellywalsh4596
17 күн бұрын
2 months no contact, a long way to go but I already feel better most days
@mikelouis9389
17 күн бұрын
@kellywalsh4596 Keep going. It will dawn on you how good it feels and you'll become addicted to feeling healthy. Every day, instead of a struggle, will be another positive affirmation strengthening you.
@elizagoodytwoshoes9140
16 күн бұрын
I'm 7 years in and know I am so much happier knowing I value myself without the constant sabotage.
@SibyllaCumana
26 күн бұрын
It's useless. Spending my entire life trying to make them understand. They twist every word, every situation to fit their victim-mode. I can never win. Outsiders think my family is sweet and so humble. With non- family, they are. I know now of triangulation and gaslighting. I know now why I have felt a deep loneliness all along. I lived abroad for 20 years, but was never free because the immense guilt was there, with me. I'm starting to see the light now that I'm finally learning I wasn't as wrong as they made me believe
@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485
26 күн бұрын
This reasonates with me
@jl3268
26 күн бұрын
You did everything right. Your light threatens their demons.
@SibyllaCumana
26 күн бұрын
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 So sorry you know the pain... I'm building a new persona, it's hard but not impossible even if I objectively don't know what being treated with love and respect means... Hope you are doing better now!
@SibyllaCumana
26 күн бұрын
@@jl3268 Thank you so much, you don't know how grateful I am for being validated after a lifetime of abuse 🙏 ♥ wish you all the best
@SibyllaCumana
26 күн бұрын
@@jl3268 Thank you so much, you don't know how grateful I am for being validated after a lifetime of abuse 🙏 ♥ wish you all the best
@ScottBecker-c1k
15 күн бұрын
Wow!!! That was powerful. I am 60 years old, and, in the back of my mind, I can still hear my mother screaming to me as a child "Don't tell me about kids rights. Kids don't have any rights. Kids are to obey their parents, that is their right." My fifth grade teacher also stood in front of the class and said "I'm tired of this class making mistakes in math. This class is going to start getting perfect papers today. One mistake, and I will crumble your paper up, and you'll do it again." My eleventh grade history teacher said "Ever wonder why teachers carry pencils with no erasers in their shirt pockets? Because teachers don't make mistakes." I could go on and on.
@sunnyadams5842
2 күн бұрын
The absolute self-righteousness is unbelievable just off the chart especially and when you think about the fact that they are literally insane. I grew up with two parents who are both teachers and narcissistic at least if not narcissists.
@AlvinKazu
26 күн бұрын
"You did great, good job! 'I'M' Proud of you"
@Jay-E-Beeza
26 күн бұрын
Spot on! My almost 80 yr old mother (who I have greatly removed from myself), text me about once a week. Never once has it been a simple “how are you?” Or “how are the kids?” It is usually something like “I know you don’t care about me but I sit and worry about your family all day.” I never reply to these kind of things.
@spacegirl226
26 күн бұрын
Whew. Jerry you are exactly right, totally correct. I have NEVER heard any of these things from my narc parents in four decades. These are things I would say to someone else. I'm working on saying them to myself and believing them. Thank you, Jerry. Hang in there, survivors. Internet high fives to everyone.
@moirosalina
26 күн бұрын
Thanks, high five right back 🖐
@angelaj8958
26 күн бұрын
"I'm sorry your feelings got hurt"
@rosameryrojas-delcerro1059
5 күн бұрын
Whatever happened was your fault too...
@aquacommelina
26 күн бұрын
I have no contact with my narcissist parents. I resinate with "Everything" you are saying! Thank you.
@SarrouTube
26 күн бұрын
me too
@CS-rb4qi
26 күн бұрын
Me too😢
@andriyandriychuk
26 күн бұрын
Great!
@mikelouis9389
26 күн бұрын
Stay the course no matter what.
@aquacommelina
26 күн бұрын
@@mikelouis9389 Thank you
@SarrouTube
26 күн бұрын
yes !!! My both parents were narc ..... thanks Jerry ... keeep posting !!! keep educating us !!!!!
@paulad.4578
12 күн бұрын
My mother was adopted by a family who had a boy, who became my uncle via this adoption. My foster grandmother was narcissistic. At her son's graduation, she was overheard, after he went to get his diploma, to say very loudly, "Let me see my diploma," as she snatched it out of his hands. Everyone was shocked at this behavior. But knowing my foster grandmother it was something she wouldn't have any problems doing because in her eyes she paid his tuition to go to college. Therefore, to her mind, she paid for his diploma, and as such she felt she deserved to grab it and tout it as her own. It was very appalling behavior. And embarrassing for her son.
@bereal6590
26 күн бұрын
Even now at nearly 60 I never understood this and how I felt. Such simple things to say to someone, but they can't and won't. It's strange and difficult. It's all we need but they just won't do it.
@jenjohnson1747
18 күн бұрын
I was a straight A student in college, received all kinds of rewards in college and my career….not a peep of congratulations from either parent
@kayleethegreat111
10 күн бұрын
I am proud of you!
@jenjohnson1747
2 күн бұрын
@@kayleethegreat111 ❤️💕❤️
@sunnyadams5842
2 күн бұрын
Congratulations on all your abuse defying successes!! You deserve 2X's credit...
@jenjohnson1747
2 күн бұрын
@@sunnyadams5842 thank you so much for your kind words
@jenjohnson1747
Күн бұрын
@@sunnyadams5842 God bless you. Thank you
@ushere5791
16 күн бұрын
my mom was narcissistic in the same way a kid is--she was so stunted in her emotional development and so young when she had us that she exhibited quite a few of these traits that she later grew out of. both of my parents were way too self-absorbed and immature ever to say any of these things to us. the thought of a parent actually saying this to a kid wobbles my mind! i hope people see this and take it to heart!
@stefsafran9376
26 күн бұрын
I had so many people that said two parents cannot both be narcissists. Why were there so many therapists that constantly wanted to insist that they could “fix” the family when it was clear my parent put me in therapy so I could be “changed” to suit their needs.
@lindac6919
26 күн бұрын
When parents weaponize therapy. And the therapist goes along...because they like getting a paycheck.
@spacegirl226
26 күн бұрын
There are plenty of people, myself included, who had two narcs/Cluster Bs for parents. They feed off each other. I saw that dynamic with my parents growing up until their divorce. Then they found other people to suck dry. It's one of the hardest things to deal with and understand that you got zero love, care, and attention because the narcs wouldn't stop trying to destroy the other person in the relationshit.
@lindac6919
26 күн бұрын
My mother was a Covert Vulnerable Narky. Dad was a neglectful narky. He was checked out, never present. Sis was the Golden Child, and a grandiose narky.
@larryl2398
26 күн бұрын
@@spacegirl226 Sounds like my parents! After they divorced, they found new partners to suck dry. Now both are single again and looking at me to fill roles that a spouse normally fills. And both parents still badmouth each other. It's kinda like going backwards to childhood.
@H33t3Speaks
26 күн бұрын
@@spacegirl226”relationshit” Gilded typo. Real truth right there.
@dameanvil
26 күн бұрын
00:00 👋 Introduction to discussing narcissistic parents and what they never say 00:56 🤔 Narcissistic parents will never genuinely say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" 01:39 😕 They will not validate your feelings, as that gives you control 02:12 ❌ Narcissistic parents cannot sincerely ask, "What do you need from me?" 02:47 🧠 They avoid talking about your feelings, using them to manipulate instead 03:32 💼 Narcissistic parents take credit for your successes, not giving it to you 04:26 👏 They don't praise effort regardless of the outcome, demanding perfection 05:18 🚫 Narcissistic parents won’t allow you to set your own boundaries 06:09 🎯 They won’t encourage learning from mistakes, often shaming instead 07:09 🏆 Your achievements are never considered yours; they take credit 08:40 💪 You are never "enough" in their eyes, pushing constant inadequacy 09:44 💬 Learn to say affirming things to yourself instead of waiting for others 10:45 🎂 Affirmations from others are nice, but true growth comes from self-validation 12:33 🔄 Shift from needing validation from them to needing it from yourself 13:00 ✨ Final thought: “I don’t need them, I need me” for self-differentiation
@firehorse9996
26 күн бұрын
Hope you had as much fun choosing the icons/emojis as I did looking at them 💯 Much appreciated. Thank you.
@tims9434
26 күн бұрын
I prefer to just watch Jerry's videos but thanks for your effort
@dameanvil
26 күн бұрын
@@firehorse9996 I did. Thank you.
@wateheckful
26 күн бұрын
Thank you for the timeline🎉
@alip463
25 күн бұрын
Thanks for this 😊
@jcsrst
26 күн бұрын
I confronted my narcissistic father over his treatment of me and my family and he just couldn't hear it, completely incapable of accepting responsibility for his behavior. That was the last time I talked to him and that was 20 years ago. It's taken me years to recover from my upbringing and I am finally OK and thriving!!
@taliajournee212
25 күн бұрын
I remember when I graduated University, it was really only the second time the family gathered together for an educational achievement - which at the time as a teenager I never realized. Both my older siblings did not attend University or did but dropped out. You wanna talk about an emotionally awkward experience, it was nice seeing my friends and teachers but the vibe between my parents and siblings was absolute strange. No smiles, standing around stiff and bored, looking around the campus and what I clearly remember is the lack of love I felt that day. Not a hug, a true smile or ounce of excitement. This was when I realized how dysfunctional my family was but still didn't have the language for it. Thank you Jerry for making these videos, they help me on my continued journey to get my dysfunctional family out of me.
@diannetimpson6885
26 күн бұрын
I Never heard: "I love you" from either N parent. Ever. I can't even imagine them saying it.
@oOIIIMIIIOo
25 күн бұрын
Yes, that would be scary. I would ask nyself from which demon they are possessed now. 😅
@ozertayiz
24 күн бұрын
Totally true. This almost made me cry.
@AnnAndNala
26 күн бұрын
Wow, great video. Yep, didn't hear these things growing up. Thank you.
@TanjaStoyan
26 күн бұрын
The sad part is that I truly believed that the only way to relate to my mom is by giving her all the credit for my accomplishments, even though these were all mine. She had nothing to do with that. I did all that in spite of the abuse, and it was much harder because of it.
@tomkitchen9457
20 күн бұрын
I remember what a revelation it was when I learned that anything worth doing was worth doing badly.
@AlvinKazu
26 күн бұрын
It's not just the shame for mistakes... but the absolute rage and chaos that can come when they perceive something that never happened that enrages them. Nothing like seeing a 0-100% rage` over something insignificant or something you didn't even do. The trauma and damage is immense. Oh and the best part? They will pretend nothing happened the next time you see them.
@bereal6590
25 күн бұрын
That was my father, things I had not even done and he would go crazy!! Or a mistake a kid would make and all hell would break loose.
@AlvinKazu
24 күн бұрын
@@bereal6590 Yeah it's crazy how` wild they are.` No filter, but will claim to be soft and sensitive to others.... My mother will say how my father is such a wimp... YEah a wimpt o everyone else but me.` You're such a tough guy for raging at a 6 year old.
@bereal6590
24 күн бұрын
@@AlvinKazu I get that. I remember how damn scared I was of my father that I was thinking he might kill me because his rages.✌️
@AlvinKazu
24 күн бұрын
@@bereal6590 i dodn't know what they would do. My mother was the abuser, and my father was her attack dog. Mom at age 8, threatened me that she was going to send me away to military school because I was causing trouble in school, but didn't tell me wtf happened. It ended up that this girl was making up lies about me saying i was doing something to her (I stil have no clue wtf I supposedly did), and the principal got invovled at one point, but it wasn't between me and the girl, but her older brother was there it was just wtf and was another point of truama for me. BUt I learned later on from my father that she got into a confrfontation with the mother... and dad claimed mom "defended me...." LOL... Then connected it all and realized this was the incident that made her say that about throwing me away like garbage, all because of something that I didn't do that another person caused... So ridiculous how they just blame and blame you/us for everything when we did nothing. I didn't even know.` MEanwhile this girl's twin brother had been harassing me since the year before, and this older brother was harassing me too, that year. `and of course I had no one to help me. Dad would always say "go ask your mother, I agree with whatever your motehr said," so how could I do anything when I had a father who was never around and neglectful and a mother who was abusive and neglectful. I was so scared my entire life of just being throw away like garbage. I finally told my dad when I Was around 30 years old and he laughed and said "we didn't have the money for that." As if it was all a joke, ahhhhaah funny funny... While I was majorly suffering my entire time in school, even into college. I didn't know wtf these people would do to me. Which fucked me up even more because I was scared of getting ito fights. She also threatened me that if I got suspended in HS that "it would be it for me."
@natalia1045
26 күн бұрын
My mother was once visiting us and my husband said in a kitchen that I am incredible wife and he didn’t know what he would do without me and my mother replied: I hope you know it’s because of me because I have birthed her 😂
@caroler4297
2 күн бұрын
Hope you know he,said that because for hi. You are perfect,
@produceman13
26 күн бұрын
ROFL. Yea... I truly NEVER heard any of these sentences from my parents ever...
@tiffanyandtheshihtsu
26 күн бұрын
Thank you Jerry. Pretty eye opening. I never thought to say these things to myself... tooting my own horn always felt weird to me. Appreciate the lesson here! ❤
@jerrywise
26 күн бұрын
You're very welcome
@rturney6376
26 күн бұрын
I needed to hear 👂 this today. 😢❤❤❤❤
@amberfuchs398
23 күн бұрын
Jerry, you are truly, very Wise. "I don't need them, I need me." 💖
@Shortstacksandticktacks
26 күн бұрын
We can say these things to ourselves and know that we're healthier to listen to over the dysfunctional parent.
@naamamaria4188
26 күн бұрын
For me letting go of the need to be accepted and validatedwas the hardest part. First I needed to get through feeling all the pain and anger for a very long time. What actually helped me get closer to letting to is talking to them about their childhood and upbringing, because during that conversation I actually realized in a much deeper level tgan just phsychologic theory- how disabled they are in Emoutional IQ department, I only then really understood that they really dont have emotional language foundation in their brain at all, they cant even understand a question : "what thought s and feelings did you experience during that time, that made your choose to do/study/go somewhere". Theoretically I knee it before, but this made me feel their disability and better understand that they didnt have a choice when they became what they are, neither can they choose to change know. For me this helped let go of anger and then get to the part where I can choose finally.
@moirosalina
26 күн бұрын
I love your explanation and in part regognise the experience. I don't think there was a choice either. 🍀
@samchiorean3919
26 күн бұрын
It is NEVER about you, always about them. NEVER. They don't care about your well being, your feelings, health, life. Ex. "Mom, I felt down and hurt my knee. It really hurts." Answer"my knee hurts too". 🤔
@spacegirl226
26 күн бұрын
Similar when I told my martyr that I was hurt growing up from all the badness in the house, she screamed at me, "I WAS HURT TOO!" You can't win.
@brianhenderson4223
26 күн бұрын
Exactly !
@cynthiathomas5754
26 күн бұрын
And theirs is always worse...
@brianhenderson4223
26 күн бұрын
@@spacegirl226yep me & my sis say the exact same with mom & step-asshole father ( though that latter might be an oxymoron 😂😂)
@brianhenderson4223
26 күн бұрын
@@cynthiathomas5754 or you try being 68 you'll find out 🙄🙄🙄
@darinsmith2458
25 күн бұрын
What is coming up for me is the "bread crumbs." That need that I always had that was not fulfilled.. They will give just enough so that I keep coming back..
@karenherrera287
26 күн бұрын
#5 made me laugh out loud because I could never imagine my parents saying it. These are things I want to say to my kids to change the family superself. Another great Jerry video. 👍👍 I especially like the part about apologizing to yourself. ❤
@angelapitts2123
26 күн бұрын
I world have loved, just once to hear "how do you feel?" They just don't care😢
@angelapitts2123
26 күн бұрын
I can see why you laughed out loud at#5.
@Alice-lw9mg
22 күн бұрын
Goodness me all those listed phrases were definitely never heard by me. My father was the narcissist and it was hard for myself and my two older brothers, and none of us ever felt love or Acknowledgement of anything we did . I Was trained to be subservient to any adult but especially men. Now however I believe in myself I turn 73 in 3days and finally found my way. I went on to have two sons and a daughter and I gave them validation, love and recognition of their successes.
@mwog7148
26 күн бұрын
When I got remarried, we had a small ceremony outside with immediate family and when the pastor was talking, he was saying about how no one is perfect, my dad said loudly, I am! I could not believe it. He was a narcissist and my mom was codependent. I forgave me dad before he passed and now working on forgiving my mom.
@natalia1045
26 күн бұрын
@@mwog7148 hahaha 🤣 but as you age you find it funny right? Sometimes I am like… what the actual f…. But sometimes it really makes me giggle how pathetic they can be and with no shame! Unbelievable
@tabbycat8760
9 күн бұрын
i have never heard them apologise for anything. they done everything to sabotage my life but the Eternal helped my poor soul
@jerrystauffer2351
26 күн бұрын
I'm proud of your effort....that one stung
@nickg6529
24 күн бұрын
My Narc mom doesn’t care that I am in liver failure and need a transplant. She demands I travel 7 hours to visit her. I took care of her for 7 months after her stroke. She has residual speech problem. I was able to get her an aide to take her to her appointments and grocery shopping. Nothing is ever enough. All I hear from her is “what about me”.
@joem.7621
18 күн бұрын
OMG. Horrible
@nickg6529
18 күн бұрын
@@joem.7621 I thought so too. I have to make so many decisions and many don’t include her. She has all her services in her state and refuses many of them. She will never be happy. I finally learned I am not responsible for her emotional well being.
@derksenjenny
22 сағат бұрын
Sadly it’s all so spot on, I,m taking care of my father because he became ill. I went daily to him and totally ended up burnt out. I only go ones a week now, and caretakers do the rest. I have a bad health myself, there is no thank you, no understanding of my own health issues. They just suck you dry. Thanks goodness his doctor and the care takers and nurses, notice he is narcissistic and are very supportive toward mee, and understand my distancing from him . He is also very awful against those people, so it’s pretty clear.
@koneberhanbelay3534
26 күн бұрын
All of these are precisely true in/to my life; their denial of facts and lies are what irritate and shame me the most. Thank you.
@MotownGal
16 күн бұрын
Spot on. My mother manipulated me even on her deathbed. Fact. Everything you said, is exactly what I heard my whole life. Only now, after she's gone, do I realize what an abnormal nightmare I was raised in. I was always called "rebellious," but now I realize that what was "rebellious" to the narcissist was actually self-preservation. All I ever heard was "I own you!" Literally to the point of being kidnapped away from my fiance. Talk about bizarre.
@jenniferb4118
9 күн бұрын
I was past 45 yrs old when it dawned on me that I could validate my SELF. Thank you Jerry, your videos have been so helpful to me.
@trying2survive602
26 күн бұрын
"I don't need them, I need me!" Absolutely, Jerry!! So healing ❤ I am looking forward to joining the program in the coming weeks! Just waiting for the moving van so I can be on my own!
@IzabelaWaniek-i1x
26 күн бұрын
I have experienced it with my narcisistic parents, they never said sorry although they did terrible things to me. Thank you for brillant advice about self-differentiation.
@bowietrio
25 күн бұрын
Indeed! My narc mother has never said any of the 10 affirmations that Jerry listed, and with his insight I can now accept that she never will, and I’m OK. What I heard regularly (complete opposite): 1. You’re wrong! 2. You’re ridiculous. Stop crying about your feelings. I don’t care. 3. What do you want now?!?! 4. Shut your mouth 5. You’re alive/you’re only where you are today because of me! 6. Wow, you really messed that up 7. Me attempting to set boundaries is met with “You are SO disrespectful and ungrateful!” 8. You are nothing but foolish. How could you mess that up? What is WRONG with you?? 9. See #5 10. You can’t do anything right, why do I even try?! Now I can focus on self-differentiation and affirm myself. Thank you for another great/helpful video, Jerry!
@atomic_blondettv
8 күн бұрын
Late to the conversation, but I graduated nursing school at the top of my class in 2018. To this day my mother takes all the credit for it and everything I’ve done as a nurse…😢
@Travelerofthesouth
13 күн бұрын
Yeah we were yelled at and punished for ALL mistakes
@pinkroses135
23 күн бұрын
"I'm taking responsibility and growing up"
@MsGechi77
22 күн бұрын
They are empty. I had to accept that they have no conscience and move on. 💜
@a.nonymous2089
26 күн бұрын
Oh, MAN, is this my mother.
@terribaxter5828
18 күн бұрын
Hahaha, nope. "We were tricked" was the closest thing to a sorry I ever got from my mother. Caused me so much trauma by getting involved in my separation/divorce and had my children taken from me based on lies. So, nope, I'll never get a sorry I messed up your entire life. They were tricked is all I got from that whole fiaso. You nailed it. Thank you. And I already expected nothing anyway.
@Denise-y2c
26 күн бұрын
This was so touching. This video, said by you, will touch & help so many people. I read all of the comments, other people's words expressed my thoughts & feelings. Wow tremendous teaching, Jerry you are anointed.
@jerrywise
26 күн бұрын
Thank you so much!
@birgithartmann9165
26 күн бұрын
Love your work, Jerry! TX so much for everything you are doing to help us survivors of narcissistic abuse to heal! 🙏😊
@RobbieAndGaryGardeningEasy
26 күн бұрын
You sound like a ‘fly on the wall’ All through My life…including still now, But if I try to take charge of My Life, My Mom works harder to bad mouth me to the family, I am at a loss, there is no way for Me to fix it…thank you for all your videos❤
@MillicentAspinet
21 күн бұрын
I remember my narcissistic sister Sandra being caught in a lie by our step-mother. She apologized, but it was so insincere. 2) Never heard 'proud' from my father. He hollered at me and told me I couldn't pass the Real Estate exam. When I did pass it, NOTHING was said. 3) "You are enough, just as you are." Instead I heard, "Perhaps you should have never been born."
@lindac6919
26 күн бұрын
Hi Jerry! I really like your content. I'm in a Narcissistic Recovery group, and when fellow members look for more resources about the Family Of Origin, I refer them to your videos.
@jerrywise
26 күн бұрын
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing my videos❤️
@lindac6919
26 күн бұрын
@@jerrywise I am so grateful. You have made a very good difference in my life.
@terischannel
7 күн бұрын
I don't think I'm a narcissist but I have definitely had narcissistic moments before. I have been using your videos as a way to help build a better relationship with my kids. I have a pretty good relationship with them now but there's always room for improvement. Thanks for your videos
@vickiegroome3220
25 күн бұрын
They told their little friends we dont know what we would have done without our daughter.They never told me or thanked me.
@tradslnd9872
25 күн бұрын
They soo proud it’s CREEPY! Like you can’t just give a compliment 🤢
@moirosalina
26 күн бұрын
I've had 'friends' like this too, taking creddit for my marriage on my babyshower, to name an example. Just made up that they brought us together 🤢 Unfortunately, in order to break these kind of cycles I've found that I had to let go of A LOT, including most of my so called friendships. Less crap like this to deal with, but also very boring without a social life. I'm both greatfull that my eyes are open, and scared of the amount of work in front of me to rebuild a social life, a healthy one this time. But I'm hopefull and willing to learn. And stubborn as a donkey. Thank you Jerry for being here for us 🍀
@AviSchwartzman
12 сағат бұрын
When I succeeded after 3 years of dropping out of university, my mother told me it was because she prayed for me... Of course it had nothing to do with me studying hard.
@TR-lk4ik
26 күн бұрын
I got the “there’s no room for error”…and then a scripture would be slapped into the “conversation “💔😕
@isarainie4ever
26 күн бұрын
7:26 I need this. Thank you.
@writer1986
25 күн бұрын
Even if they ask if you need anything from them, it’s done in front of others so they look like they’re offering support, and then there’s no follow through. Narcissistic parents are acting 100% of the time when they are nice to you. Never believe them. (I had narcissistic parents AND married and divorced a family of narcissists).
@kei8794
24 күн бұрын
about a year ago i expressed to my mother that i can’t remember a time i received an apology from her. she told me she would never apologize to me and i should lower my expectations around receiving apologies because everyone doesn’t apologize.
@veggiet2009
9 күн бұрын
I would saying these to yourself and integrating is extremely crucial, because for years I'd have friends tell me good things about myself that i would completely reject, i can't imagine that if they'd say one of these things, i would probably have completely shut down.
@AA-cb7dz
25 күн бұрын
Narcissists who apologize may be more cunning.
@marekm9647
26 күн бұрын
Dziękujemy.
@kareemmohammed5270
26 күн бұрын
resonates, much appreciated for your insights as always Jerry. 💯
@marloesvanrij8730
8 күн бұрын
Hi Jerry, I stumbled upon your movies about a week ago and it helps me a lot. I struggle a lot because I recognize a lot of your tips in how I handled myself as a young adult but the consistent controle of my dad and him turning my whole family against me believing I am the problem I thought, I am always alone, I always give myself credit by the reality i experience and I dont listen to my family and others anymore so maybe I am the problem. Its like I let my own self and how I viewed things go and I have not managed to get it back. Im from Holland so don't know how to enter your program but I want to thank you for speaking out and explaining things. I realise now that I have always parented my parents but never had one myself. Hope I one day get back to myself again. ❤
@polymathdj3
25 күн бұрын
Omg, number 6 had my crying my eyes out! I try soo hard at everything ALL the time and never feel like anything is worth it unless succsess. Imagine someone encouraging you and beind proud of you regardless... so just hearing you say it, got me ballin
@rwdchannel2901
12 күн бұрын
With a narcissistic parent if you achieve something, it's because of their parenting, but if you fail at something, it's your fault.
@TheRealAderail
8 күн бұрын
It took me 22 years to realize my mom never said she loved me in private. Compliments and affection were only considered when someone else was watching. I literally dont know how to show affection to friends, any time my friends show considerstion to my feelings i get uncomfortable. Narcissistic people change your own brain's chemistry.
@wateheckful
26 күн бұрын
Thank you Jerry. This video is timely. Almost had a trigger by my narc mum just minutes ago when we were just walking side by side, yet she could treat me as invisible. Walking ahead if her own as if I'm not with her. Yet she could still say it's me who's walking too slowly. I was like: you can't wait for me?! N she will go: you are too pampered. Looking for attention at the age (42 yrs). I had to tell myself to validate myself, not her.
@Tarja-x7n
22 күн бұрын
Harmi, ettei suomeksi löydy tekstitystä. Hän kuitenkin kertoo selkeästi, ymmärrettävästi asiasta. Monta videotaan olen katsonut ja hyviä ovat.
@PoppyMom1
13 күн бұрын
All I have ever wanted from either of my parents was an “I’m sorry for what we did to you” and/or “I’m sorry that what we did has made you permanently disabled”. I certainly didn’t get it from the one that actually did it before they died but (and I know I’m stupid for it) I am still holding out hope that the other one will do before then. But what seriously annoys me is that when the surviving one brings up any news stories about an almost same situation, they are all full of overblown sympathy for the unknown person (who obviously deserves all sympathy and support)…but they then come out with “The parents who have done x, y and z should never have been parents and I hope that they have the book thrown at them for doing this i.e. jail/prison”. It’s as if they are able to detach from their own actions towards me and they don’t see themselves as the exact same type of person. Instead they make me feel like I have got it all wrong and what they did was nowhere near as bad as…gaslighting at its finest.
@SIDCIAVIC
20 күн бұрын
I'm sorry, gawd! You always...
@SurnaturalM
25 күн бұрын
Things you can do is not get angry. Let go of the anger.
@natalia1045
26 күн бұрын
Your videos are incredible! Thank you very much❤ I busted out laughing when hearing the first thing- I am sorry I was wrong. Indeed I have never heard any of those things… it’s so bizarre. I have a great life but still get caught up in the family drama when I visit.
@jerrywise
26 күн бұрын
LOL
@1RUTHGroup
17 күн бұрын
Mr. Wise, this video here has a wealth of information in it. So inspiring! Thank you.
@jerrywise
17 күн бұрын
You are very welcome
@Mamaslugglet
24 күн бұрын
Thank you so much for making this video and sharing your wisdom. Your videos are so helpful and I’m so grateful and thankful you took the time to make them to help others. Sending you good vibes.🌻
@djcmission
7 күн бұрын
We are learning to be grateful for ourselves. That just popped into my head while viewing this inspirational talk, trying to understand someone else. Thank you Jerry. How do you do it?
@andriyandriychuk
26 күн бұрын
Thank you Jerry!
@kendrarobbins646
26 күн бұрын
Ive never heard "i love you" from my covert narcissistic mother, and im 47 yrs old
@kathleencousins8229
25 күн бұрын
Thank you for all the wisdom that you share!🌟 Always hits home💕
@jerrywise
25 күн бұрын
You are so welcome
@nhyoutube20
25 күн бұрын
Thank you 🙏🏽❤️
@pawelczubinski6413
26 күн бұрын
totally my parents. i'm over 40 but they still think i'm theirs property lol
@uk7769
15 күн бұрын
thank you! so helpful.
@joseenoel8093
26 күн бұрын
Aw who cares what they think? 😊
@wookiedude21
23 күн бұрын
I think my problem is, I don't need anything nor do I lay anything at the feet of my parents, so I am content to go without. I think this is as a result, but if I've ever been asked "What do you need from me" my immediate response has always been "nothing".
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