On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy for driving really fast in circles. More coverage at: www.onion.com
"if they were circular, there'd be no place where they can go straight." this guy knows his shit
@collincaperton6718
3 жыл бұрын
I mean he has a point
@fighter-yo3di
3 жыл бұрын
@@collincaperton6718 Circles don’t have points though
@NiePieerdol
3 жыл бұрын
@@fighter-yo3di What? Sure they do, why wouldn't they?
@noobsquad2652
3 жыл бұрын
@@fighter-yo3di yeah they have an infinite number of points
@darthidiot7563
3 жыл бұрын
lol
@anchuto
6 жыл бұрын
I always find that the best way to win a race is to finish first.
@jesseperez3086
4 жыл бұрын
If you aint first you're last
@Just_another_turtle
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you very much for that advice
@lemo4739
3 жыл бұрын
Jesse perez second place is just the first loser
@theultimatehuman
3 жыл бұрын
It's important to remember that while this may be the most common method used to win, it is not the only one. You could also attempt to win in spirit, or simply have more fun than the other team.
@kellyrowsey2668
3 жыл бұрын
I’m gonna give that a shot. Thanks anchuto 👍
@AkheirAX
10 жыл бұрын
'Is this straight enough' 'Straighter' LMAO
@ibperson7765
4 жыл бұрын
Abdul Al Amry lol
@nyanpig430
4 жыл бұрын
Satire lv.100
@95rav
3 жыл бұрын
@Praveen ... unless you are gay.
@markb.humble6945
3 жыл бұрын
@@95rav no, no, if one is gay, then there is definitely a MAJOR lack of straightness that could be happening.
@MB-cv5pz
3 жыл бұрын
I’ve seen gay parades straighter than this racing line!
@LuisCalderon_HN
4 жыл бұрын
"Eighteen dead in Damar, Kansas after tornado warning siren set to 'vibrate'" LMAO
@samahita-vca
4 жыл бұрын
Only old Onion News can make something like this lol
@violetsterling67
4 жыл бұрын
This is the funniest part of the whole thing! lol 😄
@bugrilyus
3 жыл бұрын
@@samahita-vca nowadays they are not that good enough
@TCt83067695
3 жыл бұрын
@@bugrilyus no, it's just because reality is too overtly stupid to parody
@gooseman9690
3 жыл бұрын
Did they die because of the tornado or because the siren caused an earthquake
@NickG40
8 жыл бұрын
"I like to go fast and turn left sometimes."
@AiOinc1
3 жыл бұрын
Screw you danica Patrick I'm just as poor and stupid as you are
@joaomarcoscosta4647
3 жыл бұрын
@@AiOinc1 If you have the intelligence and means to post a full sentence without spelling mistakes on the internet, you are clearly not poor and stupid enough.
@mirkowehrhahne
3 жыл бұрын
@@joaomarcoscosta4647 they were quoting south park...
@joaomarcoscosta4647
3 жыл бұрын
@@mirkowehrhahne I know.
@AiOinc1
3 жыл бұрын
@Sylar Rogue No, drag racers can go to the left sometimes. It just ends poorly.
@julianvizio2190
3 жыл бұрын
Its a joke but man, this is how we in the rest of the world see nascar
@Victoria-ij3cb
3 жыл бұрын
Most Americans view it this way too tbh lol
@julianvizio2190
3 жыл бұрын
@@Victoria-ij3cb And dont get wrong victoria, i love América, but my god, cannot see anything funny about turning 300 times to the left. Its like there is no strategy, or ability. In one turn one passes the other one like 30mph faster and in the next one, the other does the same. Has no logic. The same happens with baseball, ice hockey or even football, and im a rugby fan!
@abramo7700
3 жыл бұрын
@@julianvizio2190 it’s mostly about endurance and how you plan your next overtake, like if it was just one guy on the track turning left for 30 minutes that would be boring, but trying to get to first place while managing your fuel, tyres, and trying to be defensive and overtake at the same time is pretty difficult and makes for some great races plus the crashes are great too ;)
@jamesonrosen1773
3 жыл бұрын
This is our punishment for making booze illegal
@mfelix3511
3 жыл бұрын
As a British F1 fan, I can just laugh at this video, but I'm close to the danger zone.
@351cleavland
Жыл бұрын
Having watched Nascar on a few occasions I can say, positively, that the cars do go straight and then suddenly without warning turn left.
@squirrel8185
Жыл бұрын
Well I knew about the Left turn part, but who knew it was so complex as they also had to go fast the same time...
@deadlyqueen7858
Жыл бұрын
I feel as if the turn is often preceded by engine noises personally.
@jtzr1371
8 ай бұрын
Skill issue. Learn2Nascar
@tyvulpintaur2732
5 ай бұрын
Though the drivers hate it when their GPS goes out during the race. They get so lost....
@PhillipBell
14 күн бұрын
There's a reason that they turn left, it's not unexpected at all. The reason is that's what all the other cars do. You gotta turn left when they all turn left. The hardest thing to do is lead, because you don't know when to turn left, since there are no cars ahead of you. You just got to guess at it. That's why it's so hard to win Nascar.
@corncornrocks
14 жыл бұрын
Sometimes I forget what peddle is go and what one is stop, I respect these athletes for their ability to go fast consistently.
@mikearchibald744
Жыл бұрын
constantly
@Aqmal34
3 жыл бұрын
"I'm gonna drive fast and turn left sometimes" - Eric Cartman
@dogwithabeard2612
3 жыл бұрын
All you need is to be poor and stupid.
@bennett7658
3 жыл бұрын
@@dogwithabeard2612 tell that to lightning McQueen dickweed
@bennett7658
3 жыл бұрын
Dulcimer
@planetary109
11 жыл бұрын
Well you see it's very complicated, because when you turn your steering wheel left, it does two things at once. It moves the wheels to point towards the left, yet it also makes the car turn left, the common mistake people make is that they don't keep their steering wheel pointing left. What you have to do it keep the steering wheel pointed until you have completed the turn. There's a large 2 page manual on how to do this on the internet. Good luck.
@mthf5839
3 жыл бұрын
Since when is 2 pages considered large for professional-grade manuals
@xavier4519
3 жыл бұрын
@@mthf5839 there's a large 1 page manual on how to understand 2 page manuals and why they're considered large 2 page manuals, but in general, they're considered large 2 page manuals because they have words in them like a manual does and also instructions and they're hard to read exactly like a manual
@kylewashington1841
3 жыл бұрын
@@xavier4519 Links God Damn it!
@xavier4519
3 жыл бұрын
@@kylewashington1841 it's too hard to read you wouldn't understand, just assume you need to turn the wheel until the corner is over and then make the wheel straight until there's another corner
@janelantestaverde2018
3 жыл бұрын
@@xavier4519 What kind of pages are we talking about here? What size? And are there pictures on them?
@datamasked623
10 жыл бұрын
"Don't turn left!" "I'm not turnin' left!" "Don't turn left!" "I'm not turnin' left!" "Ok, now turn left!" "I'm turnin' left!" "Now go straight!" "Is this straight enough?!" LMFAO
@THELANKANCOMRADE
5 жыл бұрын
Data Masked your flag is the wrong way
@boothe2803
4 жыл бұрын
VIDURA JAYAWARDENE not if you’re in australia
@Bartooc
4 жыл бұрын
Straighter
@andysedgley
3 жыл бұрын
If nothing else, I admire your dedication in typing out the lyrics for us 😂
@eydiggah5872
3 жыл бұрын
SAMIR YOU ARE BREAKING THE CAR
@lukassnakeman
6 жыл бұрын
nascar races should just randomly change the direction of the race. that'd make things interesting
@41570
5 жыл бұрын
kzitem.info/news/bejne/0Wxm1HqMsnxklHo Watching this one live was hilarious.
@alcoholya
4 жыл бұрын
Only commies think this way...
@lowleypeasentmr.l8836
3 жыл бұрын
@@41570 the video is no longer available what was it about?
@41570
3 жыл бұрын
@@lowleypeasentmr.l8836 A NASCAR race that incorporated a left turn or two. There were frequent crashes on one left turn in particular, with small lines of cars all plowing into the wall together, lol.
@Fullyautomagic
3 жыл бұрын
This is america son
@jamiethornton6101
10 жыл бұрын
Nascar would be such a boring event if they raced on circular tracks. That's why Nascar went all balls out and use oval tracks!
@h1zchan
8 жыл бұрын
+jamie thornton Why dont they do Formula 1 style tracks instead?
@GGKevin
8 жыл бұрын
+Henrick Likesrabbits They're just called road tracks. NASCAR only has but two on road courses, I believe. They rest are just ovals.
@h1zchan
8 жыл бұрын
GGKevin duh.. booooring...
@jimmiechase9485
4 жыл бұрын
@@zUJ7EjVD @PocoonoRaceway
@samd2013
4 жыл бұрын
They need to have figure 8 tracks.
@DarthNerd9
15 жыл бұрын
"Is this straight enough?" "Straighter!" LOL
@NG-gy6iv
4 жыл бұрын
When you're fucking your homie in the ass and you only left one sock on
@EYEZACISTRYify
3 жыл бұрын
@@NG-gy6iv the left one!
@aszhara2900
3 жыл бұрын
This is still how they do things, amazing how far ahead of his time Dan Amon was
@cadettipk
7 жыл бұрын
GO STRAIGHT AND GO FAST.
@u.v.s.5583
3 жыл бұрын
Stop going straight! Now turn left! Now! LEFT! Damn it. Now I need a new driver.
@neilbradley
9 жыл бұрын
"Get ready to turn, but not yet!"
@TommyAngelo1337
4 жыл бұрын
"Woman listens to movie scores on her iPod to add gravitas to her life" Relateable
@B10401
3 жыл бұрын
The onion has our back with these vocabulary refreshers
@FatherManus
3 жыл бұрын
I do that with Interstellar's scorem
@cromanticheer
3 жыл бұрын
I feel attacked. XD
@mushababduasysyahid5164
3 жыл бұрын
@@FatherManus me too! Fact
@cloudynguyen6527
3 жыл бұрын
You know replace "woman" with "man" and "movie scores" to "game ost" and it still stands correct Yes folks, I set Halo ost as alarm ringtone. It just makes waking up more awesome lmao.
@evo2542
3 жыл бұрын
Back when Nascar was popular enough to even be parodied. Haven't heard of it in a really long time.
@limetwistanimations8628
3 жыл бұрын
i've heard it's getting a bit more traction these days. nothing amazing but still.
@jacockistitsworth9392
3 жыл бұрын
@@sailorquestion3229 They weren't talking to that person lmao, the person they were talking about deleted their reply.
@Qtoyghs
3 жыл бұрын
@@limetwistanimations8628 Heh. Traction. I see what you did there.
@limetwistanimations8628
3 жыл бұрын
@@Qtoyghs oh, I didn't actually mean to do that, lol.
@RemixedVoice
3 жыл бұрын
I don't think Nascar has lost or gained popularity in a long time. It has always had a strong following in the south and that's about it lol.
@medexamtoolsdotcom
3 жыл бұрын
How could anyone be such a genius as to figure out a winning strategy in such a complicated competition with such subtlety. It truly is a testament to the human mind and the human spirit and makes me proud to be an American.
@ricegum2022
5 жыл бұрын
That reporter is one of the best on the Onion. His delivery is hilarious.
@vexivero
6 жыл бұрын
I also am glad I got to get a rare treat of an inside glimpse into NASCAR strategy
@shaulstrait4313
3 жыл бұрын
Bad coach he didn't even explain how to stop when the race is over. Does he expect that we could just figure this out on our own????
@zeyzerx3722
3 жыл бұрын
You’re supposed to stop by crashing and causing a 20 car wreck.
@turnip8184
3 жыл бұрын
@@zeyzerx3722 thank you I was very confused on the proper protocol
@u.v.s.5583
3 жыл бұрын
That's why you always need a pro coach near you. He will know the right moment to start slowing down, to slow down, then slowly stop, not abruptly. But to begin slowing down, you must first be reprogrammed. At this particular moment it is wrong to have the gas pedal completely down. In fact, you have to release it, and then move your foot and press down ANOTHER pedal. The amazing thing is that the coach knows where the pedal is, how to find it, how strong to press it and so on. Never ever try to slow down by yourself without supervision of an expert coach. Many have died because they thought, they'd figure this out on their own.
@21stcenturyfossil7
3 жыл бұрын
You expect him to give up all his secrets in one interview?
@pavarottiaardvark3431
3 жыл бұрын
You run out of fuel and then it sorta just stops on its own
@Psychicqueen
15 жыл бұрын
I'm a NASCAR fan, and I died when he said that the circles were a common misconception. XD
@romansans1581
9 ай бұрын
As a lifelong NASCAR fan, I can confirm he knows his stuff.
@MAKUA5D
10 жыл бұрын
drive fast and turn to the left sometimes
@Astrosisphere
Жыл бұрын
I like how the idea of turning right at 1:02 completely brings out the southerner in him!
@GIRLAG0G0
Жыл бұрын
2023 and I still laugh everytime I watch this. I always pass it along to anyone who hasn't seen it and send it to my son when he's had a hard day.
@redfishbluefish4973
3 жыл бұрын
This reminds me of the South Park episode where Cartman was a nascar driver and just talked about left turns in his press conferences.
@Anarchsis
2 жыл бұрын
I’m not even a NASCAR fan but I have always been intrigued by the tactics teams use to win races, and coach cleared it up in terms I was able to understand, ‘Go Fast’ who would have thought.
@drumnbasssakuga9352
7 ай бұрын
As a NASCAR fan and sim racer I can confidently say that this is about how well the motorsport is described. It requires a ton of finesse and expertise to be fast around an oval yet it's impossible to find actual guides to basic techniques like throttle control, brake control, and drafting. Also 0:55 is legitimately good advice, knowing the exact spot to turn in is key to running the fastest line, and that changes based on tire wear and air temperature
@contextwithjohnmalone
Жыл бұрын
Having worked in NASCAR and Indycar for over 25 years, I love this 🤣
@kniknayme9865
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you Onion . This sport baffled me until you did the interview. Now it kind of make sense. Easy once you know how !
@okrajoe
9 жыл бұрын
The ovals through me off when I first started racing.
@ColHogan-le5yk
6 жыл бұрын
okrajoe threw?
@harrybarber3255
6 жыл бұрын
okrajoe there is just one
@RevZafod
6 жыл бұрын
Well, duh, that's why they threw him off, because as a NASTYCAR driver he couldn't count past one!
@cloroxbleach5474
5 жыл бұрын
@@RevZafod says the dude who not only Sang happy birthday to his wannabe sports car, but also gave the automobile a whole ass birthday cake #bachelorforever
@RevZafod
5 жыл бұрын
@@cloroxbleach5474 : Says the jealous guy who can't afford one. And BTW, it was a lovely ceremony, and I've been rewarded since with even more horsepower. Use your name on your own mind to destroy that jealousy, speaking as a retired chemist.
@Coffeepanda294
9 ай бұрын
These classics will never grow old.
@ucimyy4u
4 жыл бұрын
One of the best ones yet!
@flipfloddess9986
3 жыл бұрын
Even after all these years this is still hilarious
@Leo___________
2 жыл бұрын
2022 crew
@worldsfastestdrummer
9 жыл бұрын
Brilliant!!!!
@supastar25
8 жыл бұрын
2:00 Expert coaching there lmfao
@thunderflash82
16 жыл бұрын
"18 dead in Damar, Kansas after tornado warning siren set to vibrate" - LOL
@exidemontecarlo
15 жыл бұрын
I have been a NASCAR fan my entire life, and I have been racing stock cars for a hobby for over 20 years. I think this, like most Onion videos, is hilarious.
@oldbatwit5102
Жыл бұрын
One of those things that look easy on the tv but you don't realise just how much training goes into it.
@eggsngritstn
15 жыл бұрын
The earnest delivery totally sells this. Well done. Well done.
@Leo___________
2 жыл бұрын
2022 crew
@RedfishCarolina
3 жыл бұрын
I swear this is one of the funniest skits ever recorded.
@BB-fd2rf
3 жыл бұрын
Its more technical than I thought. Hats off to these guys!
@johnlocke4695
3 жыл бұрын
My favourite financial strategy is "Buy Low Sell High" Can't understand why so many people won't just do this.
@moravianlion3108
3 жыл бұрын
This never gets old
@CrabtreeGuitar
15 жыл бұрын
I love these guys!
@RoundenBrown
9 жыл бұрын
Good ol' old school Onion!
@alt_milhouse7338
3 жыл бұрын
NASCAR : left or dead
@slydtsman
6 жыл бұрын
Now I've learned all I need to know about the inner workings of NASCAR & it's drivers.
@requiem165
3 жыл бұрын
This is pure brilliance
@unincorporated1
14 жыл бұрын
"If he turns right, then he's gonna drive right into the wall, and all those other drivers are gonna pass him and they're gonna win the race and he's gonna lose and that's not good"... Truer words have never been spoken.
@NYGGJELEBEITE
6 жыл бұрын
I like how they keep at it
@HoneyIEducatedTheWeb
14 жыл бұрын
Sometimes I forget what is a car and what is not a car. Sometimes I forget what forget means, and so would think of it as a forgettable experience, if I could stop forgetting about it. You people are geniuses.
@StevieObieYT
Жыл бұрын
"Is this straight enough?" "No. Go straighter." - Valuable life lesson right there. Coach has something to teach all of us 😂😂😂
@sherif.ghoneim
3 жыл бұрын
Legend says he is still "going fast and going straight"
@KneelB4Bacon
8 жыл бұрын
"Well, the most important point is to drive fast . . ."
@arturslunga3415
3 жыл бұрын
Such insight!
@blj9793
5 ай бұрын
Finding an unwatched onion video is like finding a treasure trove.
@nascargo19thesecond
12 жыл бұрын
"you might could hit them"
@shivam.maharshi
2 жыл бұрын
If someone can please explain that in laymen's terms without all the technical jargon, that would be really appreciated.
@harrihaffi2713
3 жыл бұрын
I’ve learned soooo muuuuch!!!
@hudbudmudsud
3 жыл бұрын
I love the onion. They provide great news!!
@lt9690
3 жыл бұрын
Like my track coach said ," IF you forget everything else I taught you, stay in front, turn left...." 😆
@ImNotaRussianBot
9 ай бұрын
But not always left, sometimes you gotta go straight.
I really like this guy's style, especially when he goes fast! I wonder if he'll use that going fast tactic in the next race, I'm sure they'll definitely win if they do!
@aceboogie8986
5 жыл бұрын
Everytime im having a crap day i watch the onion its awesome
@hemipemi
4 жыл бұрын
It's also great to watch when you're having a crap, period. (and I imagine it's also good if you're having a crap period).
@EtzEchad
4 жыл бұрын
This guy didn't mention one of the secret strategies that only a few drivers know: there are actually two pedals in a NASCAR race car! It's very important to only press the one on the right. People have lost races by pushing the other one instead.
@sie4431
Жыл бұрын
It's a lot more complicated than this clip suggests. For example, they didn't even mention breaking and that can be very important
@q12aw50
Жыл бұрын
Not if you just drive fast 😒
@leebatt7964
3 жыл бұрын
I had no idea nascar was such a complex sport! I never would have thought not steer towards another car because you might could hit it. Genius!
@LastTaboo
14 жыл бұрын
...look out the windshield... That's an excellent strategy. If only common drivers used this NASCAR trick.
@cam-rod
2 жыл бұрын
Leclerc taking notes for the Australian GP
@mickblock
14 жыл бұрын
Right! I love how the Onion commentators completely mock the sense of importance that news shows use to deliver even the most inane topics
@jalio1001
3 жыл бұрын
Such wise words
@SuperOlivess
9 жыл бұрын
STRAIGHTER
@jburm0305
8 жыл бұрын
This is classic, Im almost crying this is so funny!
@ibperson7765
4 жыл бұрын
jburm0305 Yeah it’s one of the best man. So good
@stunned86
15 жыл бұрын
I love the nascar coach in this one.
@roymacarthur4561
3 жыл бұрын
Heard an old interview of Graham Hill asked what his tactics were: "I drive as fast as I can ALL THE TIME"
@gbvfan
16 жыл бұрын
"Am I going straight enough?" "Straighter!!" Hahaha...The Onion is brilliant.
@jamiestewart7327
3 жыл бұрын
Imma drive real fast and turn left sometimes🤣🤣🤣🤣
@theintelligentcow7447
3 жыл бұрын
This is one of the best Onion news titles ever
@launch4
3 жыл бұрын
I look forward to their segment on drag racing.
@ConfettiExplosion
Жыл бұрын
I treat everything like a race. The drive to work, dinner, sex with my wife. I always finish first. I’m like a professional raceist.
@lordsuperman5100
13 жыл бұрын
"Its rare to talk to someone who knows so much about nascar".LOL
@kingwrister
6 жыл бұрын
the best onion vid ever
@oliverklozhoff
3 жыл бұрын
Love the onion!
@matthewklompus8444
3 жыл бұрын
"UCLA report finds your office romance is never going to happen if you don't wake up early enough to brush your hair"! Phenomenal
@aflsbrng
13 жыл бұрын
i love nascar! my favourite part is when they turn left.
@PrawilnaMordka
3 жыл бұрын
The only interesting moments 😂 Be happy that Nascar has turns at all😂
@EclecticSceptic
14 жыл бұрын
So good
@eirikmurito
4 жыл бұрын
I respect an honest man
@repressedtears8568
3 жыл бұрын
LMAO sounds like eric cartman
@VPCh.
3 жыл бұрын
As someone who has never watched Nascar before, this honestly seems legit.
@Frank_Cohen
13 жыл бұрын
Frickin' hysterical! "Keep goin' fast!"
@FrostGibbon
15 жыл бұрын
absolutely so true
@SuperOlivess
9 жыл бұрын
One of the most LMAO onion videos I"ve seen>
@imAnF18nBiWinning
6 жыл бұрын
This one is good too. kzitem.info/news/bejne/l5iH1puLb2mBqKQ
@madmax41094
15 жыл бұрын
"Is this straight enough?" "No, STRAIGHTER"
@ClearTheRubble7
15 жыл бұрын
I was always afraid to drive in a NASCAR race, because I didn't know these secrets. This has reduced my fear quite a bit.
@unclefestus
14 жыл бұрын
@argozempo I know there is a lot to it, especially the part where he's dealing with pedals and turning left. You may have to watch the video again a few times to absorb all that tremendous knowledge, but once you do, you'll know all the best racing strategies in the world.
@windyman56
10 жыл бұрын
1:20 someone obviously never has heard of Langley. you're never going straight at that track. ;)
@aj_theshark
9 жыл бұрын
I'm pretty sure they actually know nothing about NASCAR. But this is still funny as heck.
@dill6688
9 жыл бұрын
Gator Jeaux I love nascar, but I find this hilarous
@landoflogic107
6 жыл бұрын
Langley? Try Langhorne before it got paved. It was nicknamed the Big Left Turn, as its a circle
@Ziggy_Moonglow
3 жыл бұрын
Langley? 0.400 mile paved oval and yes, you do go straight there, unless you have your car setup completely loose for drifting or just missed the setup really bad..
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