In this deeply personal conversation, Maddie and I open up about our shared experiences with PTSD, dissociation, and the struggles that come with severe mental health challenges. Maddie has been battling PTSD for over a year and a half, compounded by lifelong depression and anxiety. Her journey began when her mother suffered a severe stroke, leading to a series of traumatic events that left Maddie and her brother in a constant state of fear and anxiety. As her mother’s condition worsened, Maddie’s mental health deteriorated, resulting in terrifying symptoms like waking up in states of terror, shaking, and experiencing dissociation, where everything around her felt unreal.
I share my own experiences with dissociation, remembering how I walked around Manchester feeling like I was in a dream, and how doctors reassured me that it was a normal response to trauma, though it never felt that way at the time. We discuss how the brain protects itself during times of severe stress and how we often don’t recognize our own strength until we look back at what we’ve overcome. I relate how I had to do CPR on my mother and hold my father’s hand during his final days, experiences that I never imagined I could endure, but somehow, I did.
Maddie talks about the existential anxiety she developed-a deep fear of her own existence and consciousness, coupled with time distortion and a constant state of terror every morning. She reflects on how dissociation may have triggered this, leading her to question her very existence. I empathize by sharing my own thoughts after losing my parents, the realization of being truly alone, and the questioning of life’s purpose. We touch on how trauma can sometimes awaken us, leading to post-traumatic growth where we find strength and resilience we never knew we had.
We also discuss the importance of acceptance in dealing with mental health struggles. I share how I led an EFT tapping course despite experiencing palpitations and accepted that this is part of who I am. Maddie relates to living in fear of anxiety itself, and we both agree that acknowledging our strengths is crucial in overcoming these challenges. I recall how a judge once praised me for performing CPR on my mother, a recognition that took me years to appreciate as a testament to my inner strength.
Towards the end, Maddie reflects on her journey to finding herself again, mentioning how she’s begun painting and how little parts of herself are coming back. She offers powerful advice to anyone struggling with mental health: “Just keep going.” Maddie acknowledges that there were days when she thought she wouldn’t make it, but over time, things began to change. The overwhelming feelings can be intense, but they do evolve, and she’s glad she persevered. This conversation is a testament to the strength we all possess, even in our darkest moments.
#MentalHealth #PTSD #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealthAwareness #OvercomingAnxiety #StrengthInAdversity #ExistentialAnxiety #Dissociation #PostTraumaticGrowth #KeepGoing
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