"Failing to recognize the trauma creates yet another invalidating environment" ~ Judith Herman. This is why I LOVE Judith Herman! She gets it.
@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091
7 жыл бұрын
She's the Richard Feynman of BPD.
@shahilagh
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly this is what happens with medical trauma about issues that can’t be immediately diagnosed
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
35:15 Yuuuuuuuuuup. I have a hard time going thru Walmart because there is always some Mother in there ignoring their child while they scream and cry. They think that ignoring them is not rewarding the behavior so that the child will grow out of it. Meanwhile, I feel like a nuclear weapon is going off inside my body. Quite often, I simply have to leave. Finished or not. :'-(
@moonmissy
6 жыл бұрын
I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD, I recovered and at most time in my life doesn't fit the criteria of BPD anymore, however always fitting C-PTSD criteria to some extent because it affected my bonding/attachment patterns in relationships, always anxious attachment patterns. When stressed out or burnt out BPD symptoms comes back. Self care is really important to sustain, same as meditation, without those two BPD comes back.
@sharonwebb1
6 жыл бұрын
After reading your comment I am hoping you can help me. I have a friend who has BPD (quiet) & PTSD. She is in therapy and I am very often the one she comes to for support. My heart breaks for her and I want to support her as best I can. As some one who has to navigate life with the same diagnosis I am hoping you could give me some insight. I really would appreciate anything you have to offer. Thank You
@JolieGaronne
5 жыл бұрын
it may be a bit challenging to understand the whole discussion here, but I highly recommend Dr. Hermann's book "Trauma & Recovery". The young woman speaking about her own experience with BPD and trauma is Kiera Van Gelder, author of one of the best selling book '"The Buddha and The Borderline".
@camabelu1
10 жыл бұрын
I have complex PTSD. For me, the most helpful person on the panel was the woman who mentioned having been traumatized herself. As for the rest, and in particular, Dr. Hermann, they spoke with such an overwhelming bent to academia, and their apparent removal from what really goes on was so great, that a feeling of being helped was just not present. Perhaps that is as a result of the way the discussion had been designed to proceed but it certainly offered me no sense of feeling recognized as an individual rather than as a case with a number. I can speak with therapists about what happened and the resulting symptoms and behaviours till the cows come home but it doesn't help. In fact, I've come to believe it can, and it has, harmed. Rolling around in the memories and the resulting life experiences just reinforces the feelings of victimhood and I feel I wasted a lot of years in therapy as a result of this approach. The very fact that the topic of whether or not to touch the client was on the table spoke volumes for me. For God's sake, what are some of these therapists afraid of? That they'll 'catch' what I have? I'm being facetious but that question bothers me a lot. I was left feeling anxious after listening to this and wouldn't recommend it to anyone looking for help online right now.
@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091
7 жыл бұрын
As per the topic you are demonstrating borderline symptoms. Not everything is about you. The talk was for professionals not patients.Academia is what the attendees were. The lecture was not meant for us. I'll tell you one thing, if a therapist touched me I'd punch them in the face. And if a therapist touched you there's a good chance you'd be as offended as you are here, and that could lead to them losing their license. Try to put yourself in the shoes of another and try realizing you are one of thousands of patients and nobody sets standards. Most importantly, years of therapy is never a recommended treatment. DBT always is and it does not involve our traumatic histories whatsoever. God forbid however someone with C-PTSD or borderline attempts to recover without recognizing their traumatic history and remembering the details, good luck to them. If I'm coming across harsh it's because I appreciated everyone except for the woman talking about her sensitivity. She's wrong. She doesn't understand other people either are traumatized but don't recognize it, or they didn't get traumatized because they simply did not experience the same thing! She's giving her parents or whoever traumatized her a pass like so many patients who for some reason grapple with maintaining no-contact. That's why to me she didn't sound recovered whatsoever. Anyhow I see your comment is two years old and I hope you are doing well.
@camabelu1
7 жыл бұрын
Well, thanks for your comments - though I certainly don't agree with them all. You're right about me having made the comment 2 years ago, so I don't remember much detail about the video and can't comment on whether it was for therapists and not patients. Assuming you're right, that doesn't invalidate my comment, or my right to make it, in any way. If you're a professional I shouldn't have to tell you that throwing around a label like borderline is not at all wise or appropriate. If you aren't, the point stands but I'll add that you demonstrate real arrogance by doing so. In any event, there is touch and there is inappropriate touch. To suggest there's no middle ground is not helpful to anyone. I'm doing great and have been for years but thanks for the good wishes.
@jereck2539
7 жыл бұрын
Camabelu e, the Narcissist’s scape goat represents a very angry judgmental soul. You were the target, and you didn’t deserve it. However it appears you have mastered resiliency to some degree, because you spoke well for yourself and didn’t let their attempts to upset or stand in your way. Good job! Hopefully the narcissist’s scape goat is seeking help to recovery. The Narcassist’s scape goat, expressed they are not a professional when they said, “The talk was for professionals not patients,” and “The lecture wasn’t meant for us.” So why are they on here trying to diagnose someone based off of a paragraph? No capable, intellectual psychologist would ever diagnose based off such limited information. Nor would they even pass judgment. They have actually outed themselves as having disorders in more ways then one, and as only ever being a patient. Second, if someone touches you in a way that you don’t want, especially when it’s supposed to be a caring or a kind gesture; isn’t the right thing just to tell them you don’t like being touched. Punching someone? What do you not understand about body language and expressions that would lead you to jump to such an extreme action? Wow! Calm down. This person doesn’t know how to compassionately wish someone well either, they are only saying it as a trained response to make their mean and calculated comments acceptable. Whoever this person is thinks they know everything and don’t realize that, what they have learned about psychology isn’t set in stone, and very limited. Psychology has no facts, it’s all theoretical. No reason to get so upset over a video unless you really do have a disorder. Or you’re so upset that someone with a diagnosed disorder was capable of overcoming their struggles, and finding resilience in their own life. Isn’t it funny how they attacked the person in the video, and you for expressing growth and recovery. Maybe the true upset is because they can’t realize how to not believe they are God and have all the answers; and that keeps them from understanding what you do about recovery. Hence the reason they don’t understand how to express themselves without being offensive. Camabelu e, I am actually very happy to hear what you had to say. I do wish you well, but it sounds like you’re doing fine all on your own. Good luck in life and remember as you move forward, there’s always something to pull you back... you just have to show them whose boss, it’s your life and you have a right to all your feelings and expressions, especially when they aren’t hurting anyone.
@camabelu1
7 жыл бұрын
Jereck Carmona I think I inferred pretty much what you did when I read the comment from The Narcissist's Scapegoat. But I wasn't about to say anything to trigger a further reaction - like making statements about him clearly not being a professional or calling out the obviously insincere good wishes. I've found that the best way to shut down ignorance and rudeness is with knowledge and kindness. In addition, there's not much the other person can say when it's clear they haven't managed to provoke a strong reaction. I wasn't triggered by anything he said. What I've come to understand is that an angry retort on someone's part means something which was said hit home. That's when I'll use a remark directed at me - however rudely put - for some self-reflection. In this case, there was no such reaction on my part. Clearly I pushed HIS buttons. But I'm not about to attempt to share that with someone so obviously angling for a fight. Thanks for sharing your insights. And for the (clearly heart-felt) well-wishes.
@highway39
5 жыл бұрын
Thank you all for your helpful insightful. "Know thyself'~The Oracle of Delphi
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
17:30 One of my therapists used to force me to hug her at the beginning of every session. She couldn't have done anything worse. My body totally interpreted that as further trauma and I could not be authentic or present and I couldn't progress at all.
@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091
7 жыл бұрын
Uggh. I'm very touchy feely sensual and friendly - but even a gorgeous female therapist would turn me off with a hug. Unless maybe if I came in a suicidal mess from emergency, which has happened a few times.
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
That is inneresting!
@mosaicglass
11 жыл бұрын
Maybe not all BPDs were abused in childhood but many were. I worry that there is this idea that BPDs can not say whether they were truly abused or not because they don't have the perspective. I am fortunate enough to have older siblings who confirm beyond doubt that I was abused by anyone's standards. Beaten to the point of broken bones etc. It worries me that BPDs are doubted on their reports of childhood abuse. Like Judith Herman said it is just another form of invalidation.
@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091
7 жыл бұрын
The only way I can imagine BPD without child abuse is via sibling teasing. My aunt died of borderline / anorexia and I am 100% sure she got it from my narcissist mother's abuse. Then again my mother was 14 years older than her sister so by the time my aunt was 4 my mother was legally an adult. It was child abuse.
@mallory5872
6 жыл бұрын
The sound is so distorted on this video. I wish someone could fix it. Can't listen .
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
14:00 He's assuming a level of meta-awareness that is not likely there. There may not be "a wish" to hide. Wishing or wanting to hide requires an awareness of hiding vs. its opposite. If the self was not yet at the reflective stage when it learned to hide, the act of hiding may still reside in the consciousness structures which are NOT self-reflective. Does that make sense? This is why DBT is important. The awareness of hiding must be developed first before anyone can even perceive a choice...
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
30:21 SO IMPORTANT!! No. "Integrated" into the person is not the correct or most useful term here. What you want to get accross is "confused with" or "identified with". An old skool term I remember is "enmeshed with". The difference is that the person cannot use their awareness to LOOK AT the event or situation or their response to it. They can only LOOK OUT FROM it. Like an animal. The animal does not HAVE fear. The animal is fear.
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
...and that is why the therapist must provide the non-judgmental container. The Client will prolly not have been able to develop that yet. That is the source of the intense neuroses.
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
She was good.
@DarkMoonDroid
11 жыл бұрын
4:00 As long as we refuse 2 redefine trauma away from some quantifiable event or pattern of events that happen TO the subject, this problem will not go away. Trauma is a result of the relationship between the subject & the event. This is why when there R 2 people who experience the same event, 1 may develop the disorder & the other person won't. It's not all about the event. The expectations that live inside the subject partially determine what is traumatic or not. Expectations R not constant.
@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091
7 жыл бұрын
Thank you for saying exactly what I wanted. The first example that comes to mind is living in a big city vs the country. If a cow farted in my face I might very well be traumatized. The country bumpkin probably not. And if I took a woman home and discovered she was a man I'd laugh it off while the country dude might very well go ballistic.
@Thundergod001
11 жыл бұрын
I read recently that new studies have shown that the percentage of women to men with bpd is now estimated at 50-50.
@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091
7 жыл бұрын
I'm male. I got it. Similar as if sexual assault: My father beat me, my mother denied it was happening. They gaslighted me all through life until I went no-contact. I wasn't properly diagnosed for decades until I told a psychiatrist I wasn't leaving her office until she figured me out. She mentioned something about calling security and then a lightbulb went off on her head. She declared borderline. I looked at the symptom list and agreed in total relief, finally! Then she pulled out a paper and made me sign a release so she wouldn't have to treat me!. LOL I guess when she felt my anger and determination she recognized borderline because I scared the shit out of her. I'm glad I did.
@brida5923
Жыл бұрын
Saying “illness” is pathologizing. Change the language at the top.
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