Boundaries with an addict or alcoholic that you ABSOLUTELY MUST KEEP! 😥 kzitem.info/news/bejne/s4eCqGWIiph2eY4
@chrissymullins1579
2 жыл бұрын
I've sat here and cried listening to you. You're my friend though I don't know you. I wish I could talk to you in person. I'm so alone and hopeless in this marriage. They're good days, they're also terrible days. My toddlers are so young. I'm afraid to leave and still have hope for my alcoholic husband.
@uptightfreespirit4496
2 жыл бұрын
Great video that anyone can apply, whether dealing with addiction or not! I realize that I haven't been placing clear boundaries, I've just been saying what I don't want, with no plan! BTW, I'm 165 days alcohol free today, 265 days since I made the realization I needed to quit. You were the first KZitemr I started following when I began this journey - thank you for being a great resource due me and others.
@tinaperez7393
2 жыл бұрын
Good for you. That's great progress and something to be really proud of. Glad you found this channel. (Glad it even exists to find!) 😳 I'm really grateful to have found it too - it's been a huge help. 🤗
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
Congratulations! 💯🤩🤩🤩That is so wonderful 🤩🤩🤩
@ginabevilacqua860
Жыл бұрын
“You can’t talk to me that way” is a common theme for me and I definitely need a better plan!! It’s hard bc it’s so sudden, like the flip of a switch, that I’m a bit in shock and can’t think clearly!
@PutTheShovelDown
Жыл бұрын
You're right, Gina. It's very hard to think on the spot.
@julieyoung3069
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Amber for all your videos, you are amazing and a true angel. I have watched your videos since December when my husband went into rehab for 28 days. He is an addict and has finally admitted that he is. Thank you Amber. I’m in Leeds, United Kingdom.
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Julie from Leeds! thank you so much for your kind words of support 💖
@Modernstoic1
2 жыл бұрын
I learned to detach with love... it is easier said than done at times.😁
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
It sure is! 💯
@cindypock4949
Жыл бұрын
What i hear you saying is that, the person with the substance abuse problem is being told, " you, you, you...". The person telling them has to look in the mirror and say, what do you ( meaning me) need to do? Brilliant Amber!
@PutTheShovelDown
Жыл бұрын
💯💯spot on, Cindy!
@fullgallupfarms
2 жыл бұрын
I have a husband who has to work with a co worker, female, who is married as well and it's beyond professional. She's an attorney and because she works my husband who is a nice guy he gives her lots of free consultation advice. She knows how to stroke him. It takes away from my relationship with him. He acts distant. I've set my boundary. He lies about it. I can tell when he's talking to her on the phone. Yuks it up.. in-between work talk. 20 year marriage. He knows how I feel about it. I'm ready to walk.
@christinafisher6169
Жыл бұрын
Am I setting the boundry to control someone or am I setting it protect myself? Backing it up? Something to think about, am I breaking my own boundry?
@colleen.f.s
7 ай бұрын
This is awesome. Will be rewatching many more times.Thank you for your no nonsense explanations.
@PutTheShovelDown
7 ай бұрын
You're very welcome!
@janicepauley429
2 жыл бұрын
Wow! Thank you for taking the time to explain the difference of an effective boundary. I think many of us are not aware of how important the “I” statement is much more powerful.
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely!
@marionheyns4715
2 жыл бұрын
Oooooh great..i need this.saved to watch when i get home..thank you..Amber you look beautiful.your hair and that colour suites you.lovely
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
Awww thanks, Suzettecs44!
@elenasaavedramedina4346
2 жыл бұрын
Definitely saved for later, thanks ❤️
@rahowherox1177
Жыл бұрын
A boundary is pointless with out appropriate consequences. Appropriate stated consequences that you stick to... If you crumble you fail.
@PutTheShovelDown
Жыл бұрын
True!
@jimmiegaskin7929
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, thank you and thank you. I have trouble setting boundaries and standing firm and making a plan on what I will do!
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
You are so welcome!
@tinaperez7393
2 жыл бұрын
Amber: great video, thanks! In addition for dealing with friends and family members, I was hoping for some info on how to handle a boss that crosses boundaries. Maybe I have to rewatch this video a couple times to get some ideas for that. Also because that's more work related there are probably more work related sources I can find that cover this. But also, I'm guessing it's probably an issue of leverage and control where, unless you're willing to quit or look for another job (where there will also be pros and cons to weigh), then a work situation is probably a matter of not having the leverage or influence because the boss and or owner or both have the control and you don't because you're dependent on that job to pay the bills. But I dunno, maybe there's a way to explain to a boss that just because they can get away with the "my way or the highway" approach, that's actually not something they want to do because of all the problems and consequences that can create that can have xyz effects on THEM and their goals for the organization, etc. I dunno. 😒
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
I totally agree with what you're saying about the "my way or the highway" approach!
@barbaracoleman7389
2 жыл бұрын
There is so much to consider! My daughter and son-in- law are Alcoholics. They have three children ages 9-11. The drinking causes fighting and unsafe citations several times a week. The trauma the the children is alarming. They just bury their heads in the sand and act like nothing is ever happened the next day and everybody moves on. I enable only to provide a-place for them to go to. Hard times!
@melmelsmusicstudio1800
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you thank you thank you for the reminders! This takes daily practice, and it gets overwhelming sometimes. 😉
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
Happy to help! Glad you liked it 😁
@deltamackay5760
5 ай бұрын
Thanks!
@PutTheShovelDown
5 ай бұрын
Wow! Thank you so much for your generosity, deltamackay! 🙏🏻😁💝
@Suzettecs44
2 жыл бұрын
Sooo true!!! Uhhhggg I never even knew what a boundary was until 1 yr ago! You have been Soo helpful to me! I’m super weak when it comes to holding fast to them :( but I’m trying. Thank your
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
Any time!
@tatijai6913
Жыл бұрын
This video is dropping gems 💎
@PutTheShovelDown
Жыл бұрын
😁😁😁
@ericagaitan6818
2 жыл бұрын
How would I set a financial boundary when I am the main person on a mortgage, utilities, etc?
@rahowherox1177
Жыл бұрын
Set the boundary, with appropriate consequences, then when boundary is broken, the consequences apply. Eg pay your share or I'm (you're) out of here. Then leave or kick 'em out.
@lindadunn8787
2 жыл бұрын
Good jewelry. Great content. Thank you.
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
😁😁😁💖
@Hope-od6fy
4 ай бұрын
Is all about give respect you'll get respect ,give space you get space give love don't ask for love. peace and happiness you'll get.how hard is that.
@tictactoedias1908
2 жыл бұрын
Wow 😮 look at you ! Looking very glamorous 👍
@estherwernick6114
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your advise..I have a question for you how can I email you?
@amor232323
2 жыл бұрын
That's the hard part can I back up my boundary. In the past I stopped making boundries because I knew I couldn't keep them. Witch really hurt my soul to put up with the things I needed to separate myself from. I told my loved one he can't come over anymore he can see his son at his moms but im scared. I know he will test me to see if I can stick to what I am saying and in very manipulative ways. On top of the fact that it is already hard losing him I still love him.
@KatherineRoper-w7u
Жыл бұрын
13:37 Thank you.
@PutTheShovelDown
Жыл бұрын
😁😁😁
@carebearcarebear
11 ай бұрын
What about locked doors but then they found an unlocked one and came in anyway? I was clear I asked him to leave but he came back and broke in (it feels that way since I thought all of my doors were locked)
@gwillis01
Жыл бұрын
hello Amber
@PutTheShovelDown
Жыл бұрын
Hello Gwin!
@laura-being-laura
Жыл бұрын
Financial boundaries
@lunaloynaz-lopez2318
2 жыл бұрын
How do you deal with the "you can't talk to me that way" boundary?
@PutTheShovelDown
2 жыл бұрын
Good question, Luna. "you can't talk to me that way" isn't a good boundary statement, because you're trying to put a limit around someone else's behavior. (telling them what they can or can't do). Boundaries are for yourself. So in this instance, you have to tell yourself that you aren't going to subject yourself to being talked to in that way". This means that you have to be the one that takes the action. Here are some possibilities... 1. Leave the conversation 2. Stop taking their calls 3. Go to a different room 4. Distance yourself from the relationship, etc.. . Hope that helps to clarify. 💓
@rahowherox1177
Жыл бұрын
You say, if that's the case, I'm leaving relationship. Then you do, if they say it again (provided you're not being overly aggressive).
@mrs.meowgi4879
6 ай бұрын
Ok here's my situation. I have a mother in law who lives on our property. We got 2 boys under 4. She's always watched them everyday for 2 hours. We are a limited screen time family and on top of that strict as to the content and means they watch. At first we allowed her to give them screen time with a specific channel because we know KZitem can show children inappropriate things. We found out she was showing KZitem shows we disproved of. This happened several times and Everytime she would say sorry and would say she would listen. Then our son's saw a scary video and they both said it was from her. She denied it. Then we told her no screen time because it was just a free for all. Well my son started having nightmares and screaming about monsters in his room. Come to find out she showed them a kid cartoon of monsters scaring a man in his bed. How do I handle this? Is it wrong for me to ask her ? We've expressed that anyone who watches our kids has to be able to adhere to this?? Frustrated! Thanks !
@amypola5903
2 жыл бұрын
Im sorry, threatening a minor with homelessness is jacked up. Thats relationship destroying bull. A point system, loss of car privilege for x days, etc. The anxiety of not having a place to stay seriously destroys a sense of safety. It might be a good thing to set a boundary regarding coming in late, but try and find a way that doesn't destroy a sense of safety and trust. I might not be late again, but I don't have to talk to you evet again. Enjoy that relationship. Excessively strict boundaries can easily become controlling and abusive. For every minute late its a day without the car. Ok fine. Unless school is too far to walk to and there is no bus. In which case it becomes an extreme hardship, and destroys your relationship, and they consider you their controlling enemy rather than someone who is watching out for their wellfare and trying to teach them healthy habits. Maybe at some point, you treat them like an adult and they have a time frame to return your car, maybe a system to communicate they're home, so you can go to sleep early if you like, but if you wake up you know theyre home safe with no issues.
@tinaperez7393
2 жыл бұрын
Good suggestions. Yeah maybe if one consequence is too harsh, use another one but one that has meaning. And maybe time home can be negotiated or flexible somehow, but the time decided on and other boundaries do need to be held and enforced.
@m_d1905
2 жыл бұрын
There are some kids that don't care the consequences and will continue the poor behavior. They will steal the car and break curfew etc. When does bad behavior receive the appropriate consequences then?
@camlam5269
2 жыл бұрын
There is a risk of creating an illusion of safety when you don't have boundaries, which is more dangerous than the lost sense of security. If someone has a serious problem, being at home doesn't always mean they're safe. If they need a ride home, or it only happens once, fine. There are plenty of gray areas and exceptions to the rule, but that doesn't mean the principle of it is wrong. You seem to think the boundary setting is still about punishment or judgement towards that person. It's more about a reality check. You can't control a person forever by imposing your consequences on them. However, you can't protect them from the natural consequences of their own actions forever either.
@jmstargirl
2 жыл бұрын
Do you have a child with an addiction?
@janicepauley429
2 жыл бұрын
She’s giving us examples. Amber even pointed out if we can’t carry this through, then think of something else.
@paradiselover7580
Жыл бұрын
My son keeps doing drugs then making a mess of my home. I have told him to leave but he won't. He is nasty to me.
@christina117
Жыл бұрын
❤
@laurenamsterdam
2 жыл бұрын
My husband has had two motorcycle accidents drinking and driving in the past 8 months involving no one else and he has fractured his feet on both occasions. How do I set a boundary to keep him from driving my car while he has a cast on his leg without taking away his keys?
@camlam5269
2 жыл бұрын
You can take back the key to your own car. Maybe it would be better to get the ignition changed, so he can't use a copied key.
@rahowherox1177
Жыл бұрын
You tell him you'll leave if he drives your car. Then, if he does ... You leave.
@mazermajestic
2 жыл бұрын
Congratulations on sixty days / sixty minutes whatever 😂
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