Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZitem. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZitem. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
@sallyjrwjrw6766
4 жыл бұрын
"You're not even in a relationship because you're pretending to be in a relationship. The experience is empty and is lacking nourishment because you have abandoned yourself. That's not about your partner." That spoke to me.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
4 жыл бұрын
Sally, These are sometimes hard dynamics to navigate. Thank you for responding. Please know that there is support for learning how to heal and grow through the community I started. www.alanrobarge.com/community
@cprime4097
5 жыл бұрын
I hate that I was taught to be like this by my family. I feel like I will never be accepted for being myself around them.
@jowyschwarz313
3 жыл бұрын
Yeah that is it! And because when we still child we can easily take that mindset on our mind. And the effect is on adulthood
@singinglawnchair
6 жыл бұрын
Good god this is me. I've abandoned myself so much over the years and tried so hard to make myself the "cool" partner when I wasn't. I was pretending to be something I'm not around friends. I realize it came from my parents shaming me, namely my mom. She would constantly berate my behavior, my appearance, my interests. Later on I held onto hurtful people who were meh about me no matter what I did, no matter how many hoops I jumped through. I ended up self-harming and emotionally eating because of how alone I felt - you can see what happened after that, no one wanted to be around the "crazy" person. I'm not settling for 50% anymore but I want folks in my life who are all in with me for everything I am.
@pegggggah
5 жыл бұрын
"Self Abandonment" has been my healing obsession for the past year... hundreds of articles, videos, blogs, and therapy forums later I stumble on your video and every single sentence hit home. Your content is beyond powerful... your choice of words, metaphors, the way you express our emotions in a simple form, speaks volume. Thank you so much for being such a kind soul & helping so many of us
@Romenet310
7 жыл бұрын
This guy is amazing... Thank you, Sir!!
@Misslotusification
7 жыл бұрын
When two people don't even meet.
@7stargeneraldipshitdeturd529
5 жыл бұрын
phoenix rising I never read the Art of War but I know a couple of quotes from Sun Tzu and my favor is "You can know a man your whole life and never truly meet the man. Hold that same man over a volcano and you will finally meet the man.".
@Nitya-r86
7 жыл бұрын
Hi Alan...I absolutely love how you explain everything in such great detail. Nothing said by you is vague or unclear EVER. You carefully peel each and every layer of the problem to unearth the root The content of your videos is very enlightening and puts so many things into perspective beautifully. I always hesitate a bit before watching any video of yours that exceeds 20 minutes, but once I start watching them, I'm hooked for good. Keep those videos coming :-) Thanks a ton. Your fan from India.
@roelofventer1729
7 жыл бұрын
It's as if this man is in my mind.
@7stargeneraldipshitdeturd529
5 жыл бұрын
This guy has the cheat code to healthy relationships😁👍
@kurtemus
2 жыл бұрын
Its crazy how you understand all this and can articulate it so well. You describe my problems exactly, all the time. Its so helpful for me. Thank you
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
2 жыл бұрын
Great to hear that you deeply resonate. Glad this content is of benefit for you. Thanks for your feedback. I also wanted to share, and you may have heard about it, the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community This is the type of content we explore in the community.
@ginal.fernandes144
7 жыл бұрын
From my own experience as a female currently recovering from BPD for the past 11months of my 50 years on this Earth, I dealt with a male personality disorded malignant NPD for 6+ years. I believe my disorder stemmed from learned maladative behaviors I developed to cope and emotionally survive my own sadistic Narcisstic father. The NPD partner in my life and I had co-participated in a so-called romantic "relationship' that masked a toxic type of perpetual cat and mouse interactive game of power and control. I now know it had nothing to do with love. Alan's explanation (even though he does not direct this topic specifically towards people with personality disorders) clearly describes to me an example of the deep rooted reasons why some of us personality disordered individuals may do what we do by portraying ourselves as the mirror image of our partner's perceived good qualities instead of being our true selves because of our own painful, deep rooted perpetual shame and self-hatred. FYI: NPDs typically would never admit all this, but BPDs typically do. Deep down, I craved a healthy, loving relationship, but I was just too terrified and ill equipped to commit to it because I lacked the skill to connect on an intimate level because I was so immenesly fearful of abandonment and rejection. NPDs create their own abandonment when they value, then devalue, then abandon the toxic partnership with little or no empathy before their partner can do it to them first and BPDs try to manipulate, control and seek validation from their partners because the BPD struggles with internally giving themselves the self-love they desperately need to fill the perpetual void of emptiness in our hearts from our own past trauma. It was an equal opportunity disfunctional, codependent relationship that I repeated from my own toxic childhood dynamics and I am so glad I am finally free of it all! My life of truth with emotional freedom is just NOW beginning. I am still grieving the reality that I once thought was true, but I am now moving forward in my healing process. With knowledge, awareness, acceptance and forgiveness, I am now choosing to take responsibility for my own actions and my own wellness by stopping and breaking the cycle of abuse! Thank you so much, Alan, for all your life awakening videos.
@dianeclayton4936
7 жыл бұрын
:)
@AJ22-80
Жыл бұрын
This message gives me both hope and despair. I have worked SO hard honing my false self lol. Abandoning my false self is the thing to do but also what immense loss
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
Great insight. I hear you. Many of us can relate. Thank you for valuing my efforts to portray these dynamics. Glad it brings benefit. If you like this content and would like to learn more about what relating dynamics get in the way, then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
@sadayogauk
Жыл бұрын
I absolutely love your content! Ive been going through a rough time the past few days with relationship issues and I have watched so many of your videos (in an anxious attempt to get clarity! lol) - they have been so helpful. Thank you
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
I hear you. I'm glad to hear the videos are helpful. Thank you for valuing my work. If this content is helpful then you may also be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. It goes deeper into what keeps us from emotional availability. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
@carolloraine223
6 жыл бұрын
Very nicely said! Thank you! Staying single and feeling Great! I have many friends and family. It's more than enough fulfillment for me and my life.
@gailhiggins8997
5 жыл бұрын
Wow! I'm bowled over by how your videos "talk" to me. Very relatable. This is me to a T. But more so, what helps immensely is how you explain honestly and precisely what is happening, where it might be coming from and how we can help ourselves deal with it. I've watched endless other videos on this subject and this is the very first I've made a comment on. Thank you, Mr. Robarge.
@comoane
7 жыл бұрын
This is essential! Thank you so much.
@elohisaroeh652
7 жыл бұрын
I have ran this risk...and lost again and again and again! What to do then with the isolation that comes from being authentic and not pleasing others?
@NiviWord
5 жыл бұрын
Just hold your peace, don't be afraid. There wiil be definitely be people who will be your friends. Thw world has become unlivable because of selfish people,so, it's essential some people should stand up.
@hightidesmrforever2themoon449
7 жыл бұрын
i feel like your channel is all about me lol you know me inside and out. thank you.
@Nitya-r86
7 жыл бұрын
Me too! His videos are so good!
@hightidesmrforever2themoon449
7 жыл бұрын
nitya i agree, it's like he speaks to my soul. he is a genius.
@gracesanity6314
4 жыл бұрын
YES, YES.
@daisyd8904
7 жыл бұрын
Thank you once again!
@littlemiss8867
7 жыл бұрын
Thank you!!!!
@narcissismcentral8228
7 жыл бұрын
First class and thank you so much Alan that makes so much sense!
@the81kid
7 жыл бұрын
Good talk. Many thanks
@IsabellaSteiner-xk7to
Жыл бұрын
Thank you. Very helpful
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
You're welcome. Glad my work brings benefit.
@LaNereNere
2 жыл бұрын
Excellent!!!
@hightidesmrforever2themoon449
7 жыл бұрын
omg you are a genius.wow wow wow!
@haihai5293
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you Brother.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
3 жыл бұрын
glad you like this one. You're welcome.
@dorothywalter7951
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you!!! 😍
@danielc5205
7 жыл бұрын
This argument is subjective, people with toxic shame had their thinking and personality hardwired, and some say that toxic shame can't be cured. Personalities can't be turned on and off like a light switches.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
7 жыл бұрын
I'm not quite sure what you mean here. There was not a suggestion to turn off one's personality. Can you elaborate?
@ginal.fernandes144
7 жыл бұрын
Happy Gilmore From my own experience as a female currently recovering from BPD for the past 11months of my 50 years on this Earth, I dealt with a male personality disorded malignant NPD for 6+ years. I believe our disorders stemmed from learned maladative behaviors we both developed to cope and emotionally survive our own sadistic Narcisstic fathers. We co-participated in a so-called romantic "relationship' that masked a toxic type of perpetual cat and mouse interactive game of power and control instead. Alan's explanation (even though he does not direct this topic specifically towards people with personality disorders) clearly describes an example of the deep rooted reason why some of us personality disordered individuals may do what we do by portraying ourselves as a mirror image of our partner's perceived good qualities instead of being our true selves because of our own painful, deep rooted shame. Deep down, we both craved a healthy, loving relationship, but we were just too terrified and ill equipped to commit to because we both lacked the skill to connect on an intimate level because we both were immenesly fearful of abandonment and rejection. NPDs create their own abandonment when they value, devalue then abandon the toxic partnership with little or no empathy before their partner can do it to them first and BPDs try to manipulate, control and seek validation from the NPD because the BPD struggles with internally giving themselves the self-love they desperately need. It was an equal opportunity disfunctional, codependent relationship that I repeated from my own toxic childhood dynamics and I am so glad I am finally free of it all! My life of truth with emotional freedom is just NOW beginning. I am still grieving the reality that I once thought was true, but I am moving forward in my healing process. I am proof that you CAN reprogram what you believe is hardwired in your brain from childhood conditioning. Even though its hard as hell and may take a life time to maintain, its still possible! Knowledge, awareness and acceptance is power! Thank you so much, Alan, for all your life awakening videos.
@7stargeneraldipshitdeturd529
5 жыл бұрын
Your perception of things always change👍
@roberttweten
5 жыл бұрын
Really hard to hear this...
@dquin12
3 жыл бұрын
People pleasing
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
3 жыл бұрын
People pleasing is all too common for a lot of us. You should take a minute to check out my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. I have taken the familiar trauma reactions of Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn and expanded them to include relating strategies. I created a RELATIONAL model for when we are triggered and flooded by too much or not enough intimacy and vulnerability. I mapped out a blueprint for how most of us respond. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
@ebutuoywrw
5 жыл бұрын
yep guilty
@hightidesmrforever2themoon449
7 жыл бұрын
fake self yes! i have no idea who i am.i just want to make everyone happy.
@jowyschwarz313
3 жыл бұрын
Do u can sense your own feeling?
@gabriellamarcucci1129
2 жыл бұрын
Great video! I love your channel, and I really appreciate the way you present your instances: you are sensitive and gentle, but at the same time you really convey the idea that we should all own our actions and decisions even when we feel overwhelmed. I think that's really strong and empowering!
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for valuing the effort I put into delivering this content. Glad my work resonates. I'm reminded of how important it is to nurture and strengthen our sense-of-agency. Appreciate your comment. Also I want to share and you may already be aware of it but you may be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Strengthening our ability to plan and take action is at the core of the community program. I welcome you joining us as a member.
@ButterCookie1984
5 жыл бұрын
He liked to smoke weed ALL day, so I started to smoke weed ALL day, just to be with him. He was an atheist, so I started to question God. He only wanted sex and never took me out, I acted like I was cool with that. Damn.
@AFFIRMATIONS1
4 жыл бұрын
I understand because I have tried to pretend as well.
@@dahliadialup Thank you💜. Oh yes! I ended that situationship a year ago now, and have never been more better!!😊
@danahinson8212
5 жыл бұрын
Every. Single. Video. that you make is on point!! You blow my mind with your knowledge and ability to relay it to us! I literally am making a point to watch every one of your videos, because with each one I feel so much more enlightened and self-aware ... Something I've not felt in my 41 years! THANK YOU, SIR!
@honestlilshorty
7 жыл бұрын
So freaking awesome
@7stargeneraldipshitdeturd529
5 жыл бұрын
People criticize Christians all the time but it's the only religion I know that brings so many different people together in love of something.😁👍
@elohisaroeh652
7 жыл бұрын
wow! amazing stuff self betrayal and self abandonment I have seen this very clearly.
@hippydoom2287
6 жыл бұрын
I agree that this even applies to making new friends.
@conniethecactus5148
6 жыл бұрын
...and dropping some old 'friends !!'
@rushmanzero
7 жыл бұрын
God... The truth about myself I realize from watching this guys videos have been so painful. It's all from the abuse early on...
@MelissaGarza
7 жыл бұрын
LOL I am a chameleon. But I'm honest and authentic. I don't pretend to be anyone but me. I know my core values and who I am. I need to find more safe people and safe friends.
@tanickasinclair7035
2 жыл бұрын
This is Jennifer Sinclair. I do not date anymore, because I constantly abandon myself when I get into relationships. I stopped dating back in 2013 and have never looked back. I am happy not dating.
@angelmermaid22
7 жыл бұрын
Amazing Alan. Thank you for your words,so much wisdom
@NinjaOutfitInTheWash
4 жыл бұрын
I can definitely relate to this. I’m this way in friendships and relationships. It’s like I lose myself to please the other person. I’ve got a drinking problem and I think this is partly why.
@bonatshilombo3976
3 жыл бұрын
You are amazing. Thank you for putting into words what a lot of us struggle with. I have no idea how to be myself anymore. I have such abundance on the surface but it’s like a character is playing me and I’m watching from somewhere inside this actor. Not anymore, I want my life back. I’m not going to blame anyone anymore for not fulfilling my needs. I won’t allow myself to be selfish anymore and not compromise until my needs are met. I will end this cycle.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing and for being so engaged in the content. My empathy goes out to you. So many of us have experienced similar feelings and thoughts, and you are not alone in this. Many of our emotional states-of-mind are linked to or impacted by past trauma. This is often referred to as emotional flashbacks. Then, we find ourselves responding to these emotional triggers in predictable ways. I realized I needed to create a course to explain this further. I have taken the familiar trauma reactions of Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn and expanded them to include relating strategies. I created a RELATIONAL model for when we are triggered and flooded by too much or not enough intimacy and vulnerability. I mapped out a blueprint for how most of us respond in my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Which of these describe your relationships? www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Along with this, the reason I created the membership community, Improve Your Relationships, is because many of us have stories like yours. We see the pattern over time. We keep doing the same thing. We see the suffering. We have to choose to change the pattern. We need a plan of self-directed healing. This is what we talk about in the membership community. You are invited to join us. Here is the info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
@lidwinebernard781
7 жыл бұрын
Amazing! I never thought of that. That is so true! Thank you Alan!
@joyc978
7 жыл бұрын
Excellent!! Tough work ahead. Thank you Alan
@samanthak9078
7 жыл бұрын
O man. This is so spot on. This is me to a tea and I am so happy to have found this and to go back to this video.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
7 жыл бұрын
Hi Samantha. So glad you find this one spot on. It's satisfying to hear the video resonates with you. If you want to talk to other like-minded folks who value improving relationships, then please join us in the membership community. We'd love to have you as a member. I'll include a link below for you to learn more. If you value my videos and the content offered here, then you'll get continued value in the community. Join us and jump into the conversation today. Here's the link to learn more about the 8-week program and to register: www.alanrobarge.com/community/ If you have any questions, please ask. Best, Alan
@charlenejacoby514
Жыл бұрын
Can you recommend any books on this topic of self abandonment?
@twinflames_111
Жыл бұрын
We fuel and invite disfunction because we are not present in the relationship with ourselves. Thank you. I hear you.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
Great insight.
@1960702
7 жыл бұрын
awesome video ... very helpful
@lisaarata174
7 жыл бұрын
I think this is me, and I've been married for 28 years. I'm going to have to trust myself with small truths first.
@robindills3529
6 жыл бұрын
Wow!!!!! Yes!!! I’ve been on that hamster wheel forever!!! Thank you Alan!
@AvonleaMontague
Жыл бұрын
Read the title only. Fair enough.
@angiedixon8911
2 жыл бұрын
Honestly, sending you SO much love and appreciation for your knowledge and sharing this content. This video is extremely impactful for me. Thank you.
@JennaRyanShow
5 жыл бұрын
Great work! I'm getting some shaming energy from your statements. Why shame yourself self abandonment? No shame, just grab yourself and be present. LOVE THIS STUFF.
@itgirl7737
2 жыл бұрын
How does one make the distinction between sacrificing in the relationship and abandoning oneself? To get clarity on when acting a certain way might be perceived as being selfish.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the question. I like that your question is perhaps about not abandoning oneself in a relationship. I'm reminded of how important it is to talk about asserting our relationship values. I'm wondering if you've heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community These are the types of conversations we have in the community. You're welcome to join us.
@hightidesmrforever2themoon449
7 жыл бұрын
i had guys dump me for being too agreeable or giving too much, i don't play games, i guess guys like women who play hard to get and are mean to them? i still can't figure the whole relationship thing out. aww at staying on a hamster wheel lol
@bboicrazy8
5 жыл бұрын
I think you should listen again to what he said. If they are noting that you're giving too much maybe it's because you require or ask very little of a partner in return. You receive very little and perhaps they don't think the being so agreeable is sincere. In other words, you are not being your true self but instead a person set on pleasing others in order to keep them around. It's one thing to be generous and friendly but you don't do it in order to be validated by others or to feel worthy. Any real partner or friends wants to know your real interests, opinions, values, pet peeves, etc. I hope you understand what I'm saying.
@jnnx
5 жыл бұрын
High Tides M & R Forever 2themoon&back Steer the ship, take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.
@keithacord3957
4 жыл бұрын
I don’t know how to be anything else Growing up gay and made to feel that I am fundamentally flawed and forced to hate the real me I used materials to define who and what I am That’s how I learned to define myself It take so much to change this after decades of what I went through
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
4 жыл бұрын
Hi Keith: You might resonate with this video: kzitem.info/news/bejne/ya-asG1qmneQepg
@keithacord3957
4 жыл бұрын
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma hi Alan yes I watched that video too, in fact almost every day
@yarropeace
7 жыл бұрын
True talk, thx for sharing!!
@BXLrules
Жыл бұрын
When in pain, I turn to you. Thanks for making these videos, I'm grateful.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for letting me know. Glad to hear my work brings you benefit. If you didn't already hear about it, since you like the videos, you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. This topic comes up in conversations. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
@AlannaStLaurent
4 жыл бұрын
I knew I did this to some degree but I needed to be slapped upside the head to really allow it to sink in.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
4 жыл бұрын
Alanna~ Many of us feel stuck in some aspect of our healing work. You are not alone. The reason I created the membership community is because many of us have stories like yours. We see the pattern over time. We keep doing the same thing. We see the suffering. We have to choose to change the pattern. We need a plan of self-directed healing. This is what we talk about in the membership community. You are invited to join us. Here is the info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
@jcat7553
7 жыл бұрын
Again Boom!! You speak plain English. Thank you Alan for sharing your message and healing
@Laura-ps3tb
9 ай бұрын
I've finally concluded that relationships are TOO MUCH WORK and TOO TIME SUCKING. Much happier being alone!!!!!!
@judycarlin3781
2 жыл бұрын
Hahaha..this is fabulous Alan...🎯 Sooo correct. That's why I l o v e living life on my own, because I l o v e being the real 'me' and honestly can't be bothered trying to 'be in relationship' What is the big deal anyway, about 'having to have a 'life partner'??? that is sooo pushed today!!! 🥴🥴 I have a few 'fairly close long term friends' that we each give each other space to live our own lives, but do keep fairly close contact through occasional lunches out... And have really good honest discussions about all kinds of of topics. And this leaves me free to pursue my own interests, hobbies, like concerts, bike riding, reading, studying these topics.... That's good enough in this crazy distorted life today, without, as you say, Alan, trying to find 'my other self' and all the crazy making that is involved with this.... To me there is no such thing as 'another self' ..couldn't be bothered... Happy ++++ with living life this way... And keeping my own self in one piece. Thanks for your work Alan. I love love love your detailed honesty. Helps me grow as my own person, and get to know myself better, instead of trying to get to know a stranger better, and likely the 'relationship' will end sooner or later anyway...who wants to go through all that, just so we can be 'socially accepted'????? as a 'couple'???? Goood grief! And that's what it comes down to...not even 'good' grief...just more grief...🥴
@sarahm2878
4 жыл бұрын
I want to abandon myself.
@HisaLight2mypath
Жыл бұрын
Abandon my self and live a fantasy
@phoenixd9679
5 жыл бұрын
God Bless YOU 🙏🏽 you are a amazing person ! Thank you !!!
@mattlehnardt783
2 жыл бұрын
a pattern has emerged where my wife rages at me when I "show up" and am myself, so I spend a lot of my time struggling wondering whats wrong and feeling lost inside - Alan has nailed it so right here.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
2 жыл бұрын
Glad this sparked reflection for you. I wonder if it's helpful reflecting in this way. Thanks for the kind words and for valuing my work. This is a topic we unpack in the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. I invite you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
@mattlehnardt783
2 жыл бұрын
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma OK thanks!!!
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
2 жыл бұрын
You're welcome.
@eyeswideshut7354
7 жыл бұрын
genius
@AJ22-80
Жыл бұрын
Thanks!
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
Thank you. Glad my work brings benefit for you.
@Emanixoxo
4 жыл бұрын
God blessed me with you
@haulk2001
7 жыл бұрын
thank you for your truth ,sir !
@HisaLight2mypath
Жыл бұрын
Over editing my picture trying to look perfect hoping that the person will accept me
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
I hear you. Good awareness.
@PollyannaTragic
6 жыл бұрын
THANK YOU!!!
@TheShongee
Жыл бұрын
Thank you ❤
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
You're welcome.
@clancyk8497
2 жыл бұрын
I was punished for being an imperfect me in my childhood. Even though I suffered abuse. I've just finished with someone because he always wanted a perfect me. He, like my family couldn't accept my faults. I'm facing a cancer scare but I'm facing it alone. How can I ever trust these people to help me if I get sick? Others may abandoned me but I'm not abandoning myself. It's been a tough lesson.Not giving up on myself despite my fragility and rejection from the ones I thought would care the most.
@Jay-kk3dv
Жыл бұрын
Is this the same as low self confidence
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for the question. I would say there are similarities. What do you think?
@loriana9340
2 жыл бұрын
This is such a great video. A lot of perspective here that I hadn't considered before. Thank you.
@hebahmuhammad8607
3 жыл бұрын
Does this mean I maintain the bad qualities in me, not changing the bad habits for example?
@yoongis.tangerine
3 жыл бұрын
i want to enjoy things that i used to enjoy, but how do i get myself interested again?
@Shasha8674
5 жыл бұрын
If a person abandons self/others and has regrets in all relationships. Is that splitting? Act like a robot.
@mindbodyfitness99
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you ❤️
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
2 жыл бұрын
You're welcome. Glad you like this one. If you like this content then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/community
@jcisking8664
5 жыл бұрын
I love your videos. You are so dang smart!!
@SuperLucylola
4 жыл бұрын
this is my life ohh boy
@sandnsurf5859
5 жыл бұрын
What about if a person has a new onset of disability...and are now dealing with disturbed body image...life has radically changed...I feel trapped in my body...it just romps on self-esteem....I use a cane now and don’t walk as graceful...it was sudden...and runs the risk of progression...three years ago...others would compliment on how graceful my walk was...I understand life happens....but, every time I think “I got this “...I sometimes slip and get sad or angry...I think this is a great vid...but it seems to be directed at able-bodied people....and now things are different...I feel less feminine...and desirable...I know it’s wrong...but, can’t help myself.
@isabelaguzei8745
5 жыл бұрын
No matter what, don't abandon yourself! I wish You much love! Many blessings🙏
@powderstone8187
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you, sir. I appreciate your videos, and I wish you quite well.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
3 жыл бұрын
I appreciate your supportive comment and for valuing my videos. Glad you are receiving benefit from my work. You might be interested in checking out my course, and/or joining us in the Community. Click on the links to learn more: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community
@afterthisourexile6542
7 жыл бұрын
Yup.
@lezleywoodhams9089
3 жыл бұрын
You’ve helped me soooo much thank you
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
3 жыл бұрын
Lezley, thank you for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know the videos are helpful.
@lindamansfield2478
3 жыл бұрын
❤❤
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
3 жыл бұрын
thanks for more hearts lol. If you haven't subscribed already please do.
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