Have you come up with a fix for the Donnie Dingle ditty? Please share it below -- I'd love to see it! :D
@skanlaker1948
3 жыл бұрын
Here's a quick try at good old, clumsy Donny Dingle! Loved your videos. Not surprised. Brava!! Of course. Donny Dingle raced to town. Stumbled, tripped, then fell down. Jumped straight up, but soon he frowned, to see his eggs smashed on the ground.
@LyricalLanguageLab
3 жыл бұрын
HA! An excellent solution for our two-left-footed friend! I might add an 'AND" before the "THEN" in line 2, though the variation can work too. :)
@chadsimmons4496
3 жыл бұрын
A few have, in my book, fallen through. Keep an eye out, I will, in book two. Another great video, Renee! Thanks. :)
@LyricalLanguageLab
3 жыл бұрын
Glad you're finding them helpful!
@kaitlynsanchez2807
4 жыл бұрын
My idea for Donnie Donnie Dingle, at full stride, walked to town, filled with pride. Quicker than a grandpa's wink, Donnie tripped upon a sink. "Why's that here? Who did this?" He grumbled. "Things seem quite amiss." A frown appeared upon his face and quickly he picked up his pace. Hehe that was so fun, thanks!
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂😂Ah, this took me back to my years in NYC when you did, indeed, find kitchen sinks on the street. HA! I love this, Kaitlyn! It's a great fix (and more!) and just too funny!
@clairefreeland
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this terrific lesson. How about: When Donny Dingle went to town, His klutzy stumble made him frown.
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
YES!! You see? There ARE easy fixes for inversions. You stumbled upon a good one! 😉
@kaitlynsanchez2807
4 жыл бұрын
Thank you thank you thank you! This is all SO important, I super appreciate you sharing it
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Kaitlyn! I hope it's helpful to new writers. :)
@kaitlynsanchez2807
4 жыл бұрын
@@LyricalLanguageLab me too! It's so important
@gaynorandrews1398
4 жыл бұрын
How about... Danny Dingle went to town. Fumbled, stumbled, then fell down.
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
YUP, that's a successful fix, Gaynor -- well done! Whoo! Maybe Donny needs glasses so he can see where he's going ... 😄
@Anniebirdd
4 жыл бұрын
Renee....thank you so much for breaking this down and explaining. That said, I am in a quandary because I AM A RHYME CRIMINAL. I do sometimes end sentences with adjectives, and do use inversions, both in moderation, but I still do.....the caveat being, I write songs for schools and kidlit. I can’t redo many of these songs, and can’t recall from radio (too much distribution and I don’t handle that part) Am I perpetuating bad grammar in song? Why do both of these bad habits sound so natural in song? My Mom is an ESL Teacher and I want to make her proud. Should I change going forward, or do I “get a pass” like you said. I felt like noun-verb inversions would be cool w/you? Thanks for your time and great lesson. You kidlit authors are making my work a lot harder, but I love learning too. Stay well! Signed, Confused &Vexed in Philly✌🏼😊🎶🎨📚
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
Dear C&V in Philly (haha). I love your question! You know, song lyrics don't seem to follow the same rules as rhyming verse, at least when it comes to meter, and I have an inkling that songs can get away with more "crimes" than books. Still, it's hard to comment on your questions about inversion without seeing a sample. Can you point me to one of your videos that you think makes you a rhyme criminal? 😃 I'm very curious -- I'll gladly watch and comment after!
@SueWentland-hr1et
Жыл бұрын
Donny Dingle went to the borough, His stumbling made his eyebrows furrow. Wobbling over muddy rocks, He trudged on past apartment blocks.
@lesliekelley4851
4 жыл бұрын
Nice sound effects linked to 'Rhyme Crime!" I actually jumped. :D Here is my attempt. I got a bit carried away. Donny Dingle skipped to town but stubbed his toe and fell right down. Tears rolled quickly down his face that twisted toe would need a brace. Screaming, crying, "Help me please! I fear I'll die of toe disease!" His wailing fell upon deaf ears, hence Donny sat for years and years...
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
Sorry to startle you, Leslie, hahaha. That'll teach people to commit crimes! As for the poem ... 😂😂😂😂 A Rip Van Winkle for our times! (Hey, I made a rhyme.) Very funny!
@sayadaramdial1700
4 жыл бұрын
Donny Dingle waltzed into town, Floating lightly, like goose down. He was poised and full of grace, Until he fell flat on his face. I took some creative liberty there, and I haven't yet watched your other videos, so I hope I'm not committing other rhyme crimes. That was fun! ^_^ Thanks for the helpful, informative video!
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
Ooh, some great word choices, Sayada! I would probably change INTO to TO in the first line for the sake of meter. And taking "creative liberty" is almost always necessary when fixing inversions. :D
@sayadaramdial1700
4 жыл бұрын
@@LyricalLanguageLab Thank you! :D You know, I did change it to "waltzed to" at one point, then second guessed myself because I thought it sounded unnatural. I probably should've just changed the verb to "pranced" or "skipped" or something else, but I was too attached to the dancing Donny imagery! haha
@ericherrington9492
Жыл бұрын
Donny Dingle went to town Donny stumbled--then he frowned.
@kaitlynsanchez2807
4 жыл бұрын
PS "cavort" GENUIS!
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
😅
@lindastaszak2429
4 жыл бұрын
How about something short and simple-- Donny Dingle went to town. Like Jack, he fell and broke his crown.
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
Ha! Borrowing from classic literature -- why not? :D
@tiltcircus
Жыл бұрын
grow...sow...
@SusanJohnstonTaylor
4 жыл бұрын
For SJ's poem, perhaps they could nix the "dirt and water, will I need" line and instead say something about a weed, since the poem is about plants.
@SusanJohnstonTaylor
4 жыл бұрын
My revision of the prompt reimagines Donny as a clumsy urbanite: "Donny Dingle strolled downtown, missed the curb and dropped his crown." (Perhaps he was walking and texting? Tsk, tsk, Donny!)
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
Ooh, good idea -- that could definitely be worth looking into!
@LyricalLanguageLab
4 жыл бұрын
@Susan Johnston Taylor Oh, Donny Dingle, you ol' klutz. Didn't your mamma tell you not to text and walk at the same time? Great fix! :D
@lesaboutin1430
Жыл бұрын
Does the meter have to be the same throughout the entire picture book?
@LyricalLanguageLab
Жыл бұрын
Hi Lesa! Yes, once you have set your metrical pattern and your rhyme scheme in the first stanza, it needs to remain consistent for the rest of the book. You can use variations in meter that keep it from being sing-song, but the base meter must be the same throughout. (I point out variations in meter in many of the critique videos.)
@lesaboutin1430
Жыл бұрын
@@LyricalLanguageLab Thank you. I just discovered your site, and I love it. But since this video was from 2 years ago, I thought you might not answer. Thanks again.
@LyricalLanguageLab
Жыл бұрын
@@lesaboutin1430 I always answer eventually! So glad you're enjoying the videos. :)
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