Dr. Joe:
Sex is an important part of marriage, a very important part of marriage. Hi, I'm Dr. Joe Beam with MH International. We are Marriage Helper, and we work with people in all kinds of relationships, particularly marriages.
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When I was earning my Ph.D. at the University of Sydney in Australia, I studied the correlations between and the causes of marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. Ample research across the globe in all kinds of different countries, over all kinds of different years, came to the same conclusion, and that's this, marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction rise and fall together.
Kimberly Holmes, our CEO, joins me. Kimberly, you haven't been married nearly as long as I, but you have been working with marriages for a number of years now, just as I am. Well, a few more. I'm a tad older than you are, but how often we understand that if you don't have marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction at the same time that one's going to negatively affect the other?
Kimberly:
It's true. The research indicates that as well as the research you've done personally, and getting your Ph.D. and your dissertation from the University of Sydney, yes, a lot of times the people are struggling with something sexually. Still, it's impacting their marriage, or they're struggling with their marriage, and it's impacting their sex life. They seem to go very much hand in hand.
Dr. Joe:
The research over decades done in different countries in many different situations found that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction rise and fall together. We can't document which one is causing the other. Is marital satisfaction more often affecting the sexual or the sexual affecting the marital? And that probably is situational.
Way back when I was a freshman in college, my mentor, Paul Torrens, would tell us everything that happens outside the bedroom affects what happens inside the bedroom. Everything that happens inside the bedroom affects what happens outside the bedroom. Well, Paul taught me well back all those years ago, and I have read the research housing in ample research indicating this to be true. Yet, at the same time, we find people contacting us all the time, asking questions about sex.
Kimberly:
I'd like to ask you a question.
Dr. Joe:
Sure.
Kimberly:
So, which one do you believe is more important?
Dr. Joe:
We can't tell from the research, and therefore I do think it's situational. I think that it's whatever's most important to the person at the time. Maybe they're so interrelated that you can't ever separate them, to begin with. Trying to figure out which one has more effect on the other is that they're so symbiotic that you can't really figure that. The bees need the honey from the flowers, but the flowers need to be used to be doing that so the flowers can make more flowers. Well, which one is more important?
Watch the video to hear the rest of this episode!
VIDEO CHAPTERS:
0:00 How Important Is Sex In Marriage?
02:52 Marital & Sexual Satisfaction Rise & Fall Together
07:17 What Does A Sexually Healthy Marriage Look Like?
07:21 The Frequency Of Sex In Marriage
07:55 Differences In Sexual Desire
08:52 Lack Of Sexual Ability In Marriage
11:06 How Do I Fix A Sexless Marriage?
12:45 Marriage Helper PUSH Behaviors Explained
15:09 Influence Of Limerence - Defined & Explained
30:38 What If My Spouse Isn't Sexually Attracted To Me?
41:30 How To Reconcile Sexually After An Affair
52:26 Most Important Ways To Build A Healthy Sex Life In Marriage
56:03 Choosing To Reconcile After An Affair - True Story
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