"To live with dignity is oftentimes to choose things that are painful" this is what I really needed to hear today
@Cowbungo1
2 жыл бұрын
That one hit hard
@JLchevz
2 жыл бұрын
To add: that is freedom.
@ivansytsev2581
2 жыл бұрын
Same, bro. Recently spent so much time thinking about her and was super close to texting her. But fuck it, I choose pain. I choose my life.
@abel6298
Жыл бұрын
Read your bible! (KJV, preferably) ❤️🎉
@Jamseth_Ingramious
Жыл бұрын
@@abel6298KJV is rather inaccurate compared to newer translations such as NIV, it just sounds "fancier" because it uses archaic language.
@abuDA-bt6ei
2 жыл бұрын
“So it’ll hurt, accept it.” Love this.
@thepanda21
Жыл бұрын
We are trying to avoid pain but in hoth options whether we choose to stay or let it sink we experience pain. So might as well experience pain but with keeping dignity than experiencing pain and also be a doormat and lose self respect
@RohitWason
2 жыл бұрын
"People who seek pleasure don't live dignified lives" Pure gold, right there!
@arraikcruor6407
2 жыл бұрын
Such a true statement. I learnt this from personal experience.
@algocision
Жыл бұрын
“Self respect is actually choosing pain” gave me chills, never thought of it that way. “suffering builds character” has always resonated with me and wording it in the way that you did was very mind opening.
@alf3071
10 ай бұрын
lol then I self respect myself too much cuz all my relationships have only been pain
@heythere2480
9 ай бұрын
@@alf3071yeah maybe u need to do an introspection, because maybe you DO have too much self respect (aka too much pride)
@Nephtuk
2 жыл бұрын
The fact that so many videos come at the right moment for me.. when I need this or that topic the most, is flat out unbelievable..
@tom0024
2 жыл бұрын
Hahaha so true. Just in the right moment
@iPsychlops
2 жыл бұрын
Best of luck to you, I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone. I came out OK, but it took multiple years and some therapy and some good relationships. You’ve got this.
@KaraiNiku
2 жыл бұрын
This would've been nice half a year ago. Girlfriend told me she never really loved me like that and then moved away
@Nephtuk
2 жыл бұрын
@@iPsychlops thanks :) yeah propbably I will have a similar journey. I got a good therapist and the roots for all these problems seem to be very deep. cheers!
@usfilms8828
2 жыл бұрын
Lmao I could’ve used this video LAST week 💀💀oh well
@nekophilia9400
2 жыл бұрын
I learned this lesson the hard way unfortunately. I won't go into all the details, but I had a very close friend who I once would speak to every day for about two years. I expected life and work to get in the way, so at first I wasn't too terribly upset when our messages became more infrequent. It would have been selfish of me to insist they had to keep in constant contact with me. But after a few months, I realised that I was the one who was always saying initiating contact and felt as though I was getting very little effort in return. Of course, it's not always an even 50/50, but at that point it had been a 90/10 for a long time. So I stopped messaging first. Which was difficult to do because I'd gotten into the habit of doing it so often. A week passed, then two. Then a month. Then three. Then six. They hadn't even thought to send me a "how are you?" or a meme. People drift apart, I guess, and it's better to accept that than to try and cling to the past if one of you no longer wants it in the present. Still, my heart goes out to anybody who is/was in a similar situation. Letting go is very hard, and it can feel like giving up a part of yourself in friendships and relationships that we're so deeply emotionally invested in. But I promise in the end, it will be for the better.
@MikuHatsune159
2 жыл бұрын
Same, I only knew this person for a matter of like maybe 2 years or so but we were so tight while it lasted. It didn't end as smoothly as I would have liked, having ignored some of their toxic traits it wasn't going to end well since I knew too much. I confronted them to try and see if there was any solution but it all came down to me just finding my own space outside of theirs. I made peace with it and decided to disassociate from them and their friend group. I'm still kind of traumatized as a result and have an even tougher time finding people who actually care but that's life in a nutshell. Only thing we can do is be better and do better.
@VandalJace
2 жыл бұрын
It's so hard to come to terms with realizing you don't matter to a person nearly as much as they do to you
@MrTurtlebird
2 жыл бұрын
Going through this right now, glad I saw this comment. Thank you so much for sharing.
@ununun9995
2 жыл бұрын
Thats my whole life. If I don't initiate nobody talks to me, but I'm used to it. If the same problem happen to me each time then I am the problem but I don't know what is the problem with me. Whenever I hear people say they get texted everyday it feels alien, like, how?
@tvu24
2 жыл бұрын
@@ununun9995 The people that get texted frequently might have something that others want. For example, if you're a rich high status person (e.g. celebrities, etc.), I can imagine they have a bunch of people contacting them all the time. I personally wouldn't like that because it'll feel like people are just using me whenever they want to hang out with me.
@unoriginalyoutubename8761
2 жыл бұрын
There are people in this world who are, deep down, pieces of shit who will drop you and abandon you for no justifiable reason. I relate to this guy because I experienced something similar with someone I met in high school. No matter what, don’t chase that person. No matter what, don’t let them back in. Don’t give them another chance. Keep them at arms length AT MOST if they’ve truly become an acceptable human being. They don’t deserve you after abusing you like that.
@gunsmokegaloreyt6840
Жыл бұрын
Exactly. Disposing of someone that cares about you like that just speaks volumes on who you are as a person. It’s something selfish, shitty people do who take you for granted
@iLikeTrains0372
10 ай бұрын
That person might not be a piece of shit. That person might be a genuine person going through shit. Still, that changes nothing. It is wrong to reach judgment saying that they are a piece of shit, but still, even if it is Jesus Christ himself descending to world and ghosting you on whatsapp, you gotta say, sorry Jesus, I know you are a good person but you are treating ke like shit, so, goodbye forever
@mattxanis6773
2 жыл бұрын
I was just about to text somebody, this video came at the right moment. Dr. K is watching...
@ceza1487
2 жыл бұрын
nice dp
@florismeijer1503
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly the same, I was obsessing over this the past 3 days
@bretten911
2 жыл бұрын
Respect, do what’s best for you 👍
@MechaStorm7
2 жыл бұрын
at least you can think more accurately about it and then decide for yourself if you still wanna/have to text this person
@florismeijer1503
2 жыл бұрын
Yes I now decided to let it go, rn she is literally at the other end of the globe on travelling/finding herself. She was my first gf in high school and then she texted me 8 years later. Had a great date, but that is almost a year ago now. She will return to Holland in about 2 months. And we planned another date when she returns. But the last time we had contact was about 3 months ago now. But now I'm fearful that she meets other guys there stuff like that. These obsessed feeling for this girl started when i met someone new myself, this girl really likes me but I can't really let her in or something. Because i have made these romantic fantasies about ending up with my first gf again.
@Sampras8491
2 жыл бұрын
I really appreciate you covering my post Dr.K. I was hoping for this to happen. If someone is interested, nothing has changed between us; still radio silence. To give you guys a little update, I sent her one more message. However, it was a goodbye one; no rambling, no trying to win her over again, no begging. Just said how I feel about all this and wished her a happy life, so I think I'm going in a good direction Update (25th of April) : Just 20 minutes ago gathered my balls to block her and delete the number.
@Soliistru
2 жыл бұрын
I'm proud of you.
@Sampras8491
2 жыл бұрын
@@Soliistru thx dad
@StarmenRock
2 жыл бұрын
Nice. Good things will come if you work hard, keep it up
@AnonymousOnimous
2 жыл бұрын
That's an excellent way to go. I'm going out on a limb here, but I figured this might be applicable to your situation. Your post said you'd been in this friendship for a year, but the moment things became sexual, she cut you off. I'm an asexual woman with some trauma around harassment and attempted sexual assault. Your description of her made me wonder if she might be another asexual person who is unaware of her orientation and possible trauma/triggers. I know of asexual people who've worried that they would lose their relationships if they didn't make them sexual... and then triggered themselves (a lot of asexual people have experience in being pressured or forced). Of course, this in no way makes what she did fair. That was brutal, and I am so sorry you've had this incredibly painful experience. I felt I should say this in case it my perspective is applicable and could give you peace.
@soranin9017
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve been there my guy. It hurts but you’ve set yourself on a good path
@keyamazed1038
2 жыл бұрын
Never make someone a highlight of your life, if they won't make you a footnote in theirs. A lesson learned the hard way on multiple occasions V__V
@flitefulwantssubs402
2 жыл бұрын
I like this line, so true
@VandalJace
2 жыл бұрын
Advice to live by right here
@adrada_1281
2 жыл бұрын
I was just about to text my mom that I hope she’s having a good day. Thankful I saw this video 🙏🏼
@jubnx2781
2 жыл бұрын
Lmao
@sneakyman5626
2 жыл бұрын
True Chad move
@rue6914
2 жыл бұрын
@@andyprasetyo9117 not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. We don't know the original commenter's story. Chances are, they're better off not contacting their mom which is why the made the comment.
@ChadKirk
2 жыл бұрын
@@rue6914 ok Sherlock
@TheWillsss
2 жыл бұрын
@@ChadKirk EverydayAndy asked
@m0L3ify
2 жыл бұрын
Reminds me of my first breakup. They dumped me suddenly after dating for 4 months and I didn't feel human for a month. I called them a few awkward times after that and eventually figured out they'd gotten back together with their ex. It was so painful. Took me a couple years to really fully get over it. Every breakup after that was a lot easier. Building your self-esteem and feeling fulfilled and whole on your own is the best thing you can possibly do for yourself. Never chase someone else's validation. Learn how to validate yourself.
@PanteraRosa91
7 ай бұрын
Yes❤ thank you
@sajaghendwe9594
4 ай бұрын
How did you get over I am suffering the same
@unlucky_thir13en
2 жыл бұрын
I had to learn this for myself not too long ago. Had a close friend I had known since 2014 that met a lot of emotional needs and shared a lot of common interests and values. But she blocked me everywhere one day, without any tangible reason or discussions. I spent months wondering if it was me, if I did something. Combing through messages, statuses, to see if I said something that could have even remotely offended her. But I eventually had to realize that there was something going on in her life. And though I still wish the best for her, and though she unblocked and tried to interact with me on social, I know I've made the right decision for my mental to not engage her. But when you've been sipping poison for so long, it starts to taste like comfort, and that's a hard flavor to ween yourself off of.
@fourmargaritas1063
2 жыл бұрын
Wow that last line hits deep. I'm sorry for what you went through, and while I can't personally relate to that extent, I will say that the last line that you said is actually applicable to so many other things. I feel like my anxious thoughts and paranoia are essentially my comfort food at this point, even though they're so clearly poison. Thanks for sharing, and I'm proud of you for choosing to move on!
@SpoonFinder
2 жыл бұрын
Respect
@xXx_Regulus_xXx
2 жыл бұрын
good on you for not replying, hopefully she'll take the hint that no matter what is going on you can't just block somebody for no reason you were supposedly on good terms with without consequences. she needs to treat people like people and at least give a reason
@joeblowgoes
2 жыл бұрын
I blocked a group of people because of toxic individuals within it. I could've tried to explain all the ways their words and actions hurt, but I doubt he would've seen it as his actions being bad, instead it would've been my emotions being needy and overbearing. At the end of the day it didn't matter who was right, but for me to grow I had to get away from him. There were too many lies and manipulations for me to trust him to be different. Now I'm not saying you are a bad person, just giving my experience. I've only thought about unblocking him to explain my reasoning, but I just feel that it would leas to a fight where there's no resolution. So I decided to out my energy elsewhere. Granted it could all be from my anxiety disorder and avoidant tendencies, but I'm trying to work on that in other areas of my life.
@unlucky_thir13en
2 жыл бұрын
@@joeblowgoes And your reasoning is what I had to assume was also my friend’s reasoning in the end. Because the alternative way of thinking is that she just wanted to hurt me, and I don’t think that mindset helps. If she had to block me for her own benefit, I can live with that, though I was hurt by it. If she had to block me to hurt me, I can also live with that, because that shows she wasn’t the friend I thought she was. In either case, I think we’re both better off with our friendship never being more than a memory.
@GetBodiedSon
2 жыл бұрын
Wow, exactly what I needed. My ex keeps yoyoing me and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I thought by being patient with her and continuing to try to communicate my feelings, that eventually she would ‘grow up’, recognize what she’s doing, and stop. I genuinely never thought about it in terms of ‘giving up a benefit’, but that’s so helpful bc I really am addicted to it,
@Starpotion
2 жыл бұрын
This was really difficult to hear but I needed it. It's tough to hold someone else accountable, when you've spent so much time and energy beating yourself up and making excuses for them.
@LB767
2 жыл бұрын
The timing of this vid is just too good. Met a guy that became by far my best friend, I was the happiest I could ever be. One day some things went wrong and he completely ghosted me (felt even worse than blocking). 3 months later he messages me asking if I wanna be friends again. I had this frank conversation where I told him how much he hurt me but after a while gave him the benefit of the doubt to try again... Fastforward a few months to today and it mostly didn't work out, things are back to square one except this time I've made it clear that he either needs to change or I'm done. It's extremely hard to accept, so this video couldn't come at a better time.
@greatgyatso5429
Жыл бұрын
It's really hard to call abuse "abuse" when the victim is a man, and type of abuse was emotional abuse, because whenever we feel hurt or betrayed or abandoned by someone we cared for- we need to "get some self-respect". One should definitely have self-respect, and not stand to have anyone mistreat them, but it doesn't invalidate our struggles. I really feel for this guy, I was in his same shoes, and one day my energy vampire came calling again, and I told her we were done, and I wasn't giving her the chance to hurt me again.
@roselimonta
2 жыл бұрын
when u said u should maintain control of yourself that resonated with me so much, its choosing the path of pain sometimes. that comment relates to so much in life
@jameellamar
2 жыл бұрын
looking at this situation (and also being in a very similar one myself) I can tell that the person who posted wanted a long-term relationship while the girl that he was spending time with just wanted physical intimacy. She got what she wanted while leaving him confused because she didn't want to deal with the responsibilities of a long-term relationship (hence why she apologised). I think this story teaches a good lesson in that when we meet someone, we should understand what they want and what we want in terms of a relationship. When things are left unclear, you become confused when the other person does something that you don't expect. If someone says they want a platonic relationship, you have to accept that and ask yourself if that's what you want or not. A person's words should also match their actions so if they say want something but their actions prove different, don't fall into them and remind them of what they said they wanted.
@whatsnew955
2 жыл бұрын
Omg this comment is gold. Like really🤌🏻
@Toasty_Britches
2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely nailed it. I wish I heard this 10 years ago
@cimbrito
2 жыл бұрын
she apologized? where?
@shamekalockwood6789
10 ай бұрын
Yes!! If they tell you they are not looking for a relationship, believe them!! You will not change their minds and you will end up hurt if you desire more than they are willing to give!
@rivers4268
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. K's a superstar in compassion. I've only recently gotten over basing my happiness on external praise, and Dr. K encouraging us to look at external praise-seeking people with compassion is really fucking interesting/great. Once again the man, the myth, the legend Dr. K helping boost my growth
@misterjeef5296
2 жыл бұрын
Dude I’ve been dealing with a similar situation. Holding on to every word she said and issuing nostalgia to relive the memories and defending her gave me a false sense of humility that justified my sacrificial idea of “love” that I was unaware of. But as I took control and was really honest how she influenced my happiness and recognized it as addiction, I gained self respect and it took longer than I’d like to admit but eventually I did get freedom and now she doesn’t have power over me. I can say I deserve better and I believe myself. My idea of love has grown and I’m thankful for what I learned from the pain of letting go of external sources of happiness.
@AnonymousOnimous
2 жыл бұрын
"False sense of humility that justified my sacrificial idea of love..." That's a perfect way to phrase it. Thank you!
@EntiretyPC
2 жыл бұрын
Didn’t know how much I needed to hear all this until I watched. Sat there nodding like a moron for 21 minutes lmao
@0carbothecat0
5 ай бұрын
I needed to hear this. I had feelings and expressions to the experience that be covered but I didn’t have the thorough wording for it, as if I was building it on my own and he showed me the best way. I was pumping my fist when he hit topics or explanations because, not only for my own healing, but for my ability to communicate it to others as well.
@ryanguy6789
2 жыл бұрын
Normal behavior for them. The most immature thing someone can do. Had it happen to me multiple times. The problem is the immature behavior of them actually. It's not you, it's the cruel and cold hearted nature of them - who will spend months with you then drop you at the snap of a finger like nothing ever happened. Instead of talking it over, they resort to blocking as they can't behave like adults. Their (often) horribly immature behavior is the cause of OP's misery. It's too bad we live in a society now where they can behave like this with no negative results and so they do it at their leisure.
@yolover111
2 жыл бұрын
Hit the nail on the damn head, immature is the word.
@ryanguy6789
2 жыл бұрын
@@yolover111 I spoke with someone a year and a half many times daily and she resorted to ghosting me one fine day with zero explanation and my attempts to get an explanation got me blocks. That is the surest way to destroy a man's trust but it is obvious she could not care less about how this negatively effected me either. I was there for her so many times. Never ever thought it would happen w/ her of all people but yet here we are. Thanks to her I can now live with trust issues. Thanks Jen.
@LeadHerring
8 ай бұрын
Who is "they"
@whatsername7
8 ай бұрын
And what if they themselves invalidate your feelings, call you immature instead of understanding you, blame you instead of apologizing, say they value you but their action say otherwise, multiple times even after you communicate about it. Then you have no option but to block such people. They are not worth your explanation
@Lougehrig10
2 жыл бұрын
Very similar thing happened to me, and I'm still recovering. I have been working with my therapist to help me cope. I'm very analytical and need to understand everything, and this was my first attempt at a relationship, so not only am I trying to navigate the oddness of it all, but also trying to navigate relationships in general. She mentioned a myriad of things that can lead me to a whole spectrum of conclusions varying from "she just wanted attention" which would make me feel used and that none of it was real, to "she has a disorganized attachment" which makes me feel compassionate towards her and wanting to do as much as I can to help out. Thinking about it all, I'm trying to figure out how I even navigate this. If a similar situation appears, how do I react? I want to help people and care for them, but I also need to protect myself. I understand that some people need more help than others and I want to help, but I dont want my helpfulness abused. Should how much I give be determined by context (such as this person needs help, so I'll give more) or should context be irrelevant and I should only give a certain amount?
@fisicogamer1902
2 жыл бұрын
I am very analytical as well, I never navigated through love relationships at all, but I had some toxic friends. The key is being verbal. If someone isn't verbal(and a functional adult) about their own needs, interacting witn such person is the key to be abused. Not only that, someone that acts in the way that the needs say. If I say I need cuddling from my partner and my partner cuddles me and I go away, I should be open to explain why. Either on the spot or later. If I don't talk about it, even when prompted, this is the way to built a toxic relationship. Search for people that are verbal, and genuine, in the way I explained and your relationships will never be toxic. Also , be one of those people yourself. If they don't explain it, you are not forced to learn context of your partner or anybody else. You don't need to find excuses for their bad behavior if they themselves didn't.
@Lougehrig10
2 жыл бұрын
@@fisicogamer1902 Thank you for your insight! Yeah, throughout interacting with her, she never seemed able to express herself. I would very clearly state what I thought, what I felt, etc. and invited her to do the same, even asking questions and repeating back what I understood, but I had to confront her when my gut told me things were up. She would also say one thing but do another thing. I never got malicious vibes from her, so I decided to be patient and understanding with her. But it still brings me back to the confusion. Her life seems chaotic. Not necessarily because of her own decisions, but her family. Is she unable to express herself because she wasn't taught how to in her childhood? Is she unable to express herself because she doesn't know what she wants? Or is she just getting what she wants with no consideration for others? I just need to learn to allow people to fail. I need to allow people to learn to communicate. If I try to solve everything, they will never be able to solve things themselves, and they will be worse off
@fisicogamer1902
2 жыл бұрын
@@Lougehrig10 Well, ask her to go to the therapist. I have a brother that has problems too, but he is doing therapy and is getting better. Still a daily struggle. If she refuses to go, she doesn't want help. Even people that struggle to communicate still follow the rules. Saying:"I don't know how I feel or even if I feel anything at all" is still being genuine and verbal. Searching for help professional help is a must in these situations. Just give her the opportunity of failing AFTER she accepts that. You are not her therapist.
@zaclovesschool2273
2 жыл бұрын
This is helpful for me considering I have been blocked once or twice with very little to no explanation. I always have to think back and do mental gymnastics wondering if I really did something bad enough to warrant being completely cut off with no explanation. But at the end of the day, blocking without explaining is just the laziest and hurtful thing you can do to someone. It shows that you have no desire to work things through or establish any common ground through communication. Sure, if someone is being completely unapologetic and toxic, I can understand. But if they are really trying to understand what they did wrong, or feel terrible for something they did or something they don't fully understand, I think it is only fair to talk things through and see if the issue really is worth cutting the person off over.
@madero488
2 жыл бұрын
One of the most insightful channels on KZitem thanks for everything.
@Tweckyy
2 жыл бұрын
Idk who will see this but I thought it'd be nice to add my story after reading some other peoples stories. This same thing happened to me in my first semester of uni, I was depressed for a while after a new friend of mine decided to cut contact, we were close, very close for friends. It was my best friend that pulled me up from that depression, she invited me to parties, sleepovers, trips to Edinburgh to get drunk and she even let me try edibles for the first time, I vented about how i felt and she listened to it all and said a lot of the things in this video. I made a lot of good memories with that best friend, even ended up making other new friends, eventually i forgot about the "new friend" that cut contact. Next semester rolls round and new friend contacts me out of the blue, I agreed to meet up to chat. He apologised and promised to respect my boundaries this time (which he has done), we text and chat between classes but not like we used to, he has a long way to go before i can fully forgive him, he knows that. Best friend has helped me realise that im worthy of love, im making a jumper for her the now as a thank you for being there. I'm happier now, im grateful to have learned this lesson and to have best friend, very much looking forward to the rest of uni! :D Having self respect can feel devastating but its that let go or be dragged situation I feel. That person will live rent free in your head for a while but eventually one day youll wake up and not care much at all. I hope everyone out there has that strength to have boundaries and ensure theyre respected, and to have a friend like best friend. People like her are the real mvps
@nickjoeb
2 жыл бұрын
I've rewatched this video about 10 times. I want this ingrained in me.
@danielmans5716
2 жыл бұрын
Same
@EchelonPandora
11 ай бұрын
Replaying for a second time
@tinaquattrocchi75
8 ай бұрын
Same
@painuchiha2694
2 жыл бұрын
I chose the path of self respect long ago it’s always been my thing I rejected a girl I loved cause she ended up sleeping around and I couldn’t live with that. This sort of pain of losing someone important never goes away. True pain
@xXTiggaBoBXx
2 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry man, but honestly awesome of you to be able to do something so hurtful
@chefboiardeeznutz9881
Жыл бұрын
I feel that. After my ex decided to have an OF, I couldn't look at her the same way. I may be self destructive to myself, but I'm not going to be put in that position and made to feel like the bad guy because I don't want my gf to spread her cheeks online.
@yestheycan
2 жыл бұрын
I learned self respect / assertiveness from facing a bully at work. He was solo incredibly dickish, but soooo valuable.
@jjmcvideo
2 жыл бұрын
I've been heartbroken for 8 months now and Easter was a grim reminder of how addicted I was to my past relationship. What hurts is I believe she saw that self-deprecation in me towards the relationship, always sacrificing myself to help her out. She kept going about how she was not worth my efforts (which causes huge mixed signals because I believed a person that's worth me has that level of self-awareness). but nonetheless, in retrospect, she didn't choose me so I gotta respect myself. I took out more than I thought I would in this video and mistakes were made and I finally understand what the first step to self-respect is.
@Iceacope
2 жыл бұрын
I’m thankful that that I saw this video. I have a situation that I’m trying to get through rn. I had these “friends” that I met at a college dining hall. Every week, I asked them if they wanted to eat. They started ghosting me and then I asked them if they are just ignoring me, in which they responded, yes, and then they blocked me. I realize now that I was acting kinda clingy, but I didn’t mean to come off that way. I was just trying to be friendly. Sadly, I couldn’t resolve the conflict, and I’m trying to get over them.
@leeraxd
2 жыл бұрын
This kinda thing seems to happen to a lot of my friends. They always get a little defensive when I tell them, it’s probably because the other person wasn’t looking for a relationship and you thought they were. The thing is, peoples WORDS need to match their ACTIONS. It hurts to hear, but no, she wasn’t that into you as you thought she was, even if she SAID she is. How do I know this? Because I have been that girl. When I was in my 20s, I didn’t want to hurt peoples feelings so I always made it seem like I was just as into the guy as they were into me. It ended up in a couple of bad heartbreaks on their end. And yeah, I don’t think it means the person is evil or bad, but sometimes we’re just dumb and don’t know how to let someone down without hurting their feelings, and ghosting is easy because we’re not as invested in the person as they are in us. I can’t make my friends listen to me or believe me when I tell them things out of my own personal experience, but I do hope whoever reads this can try and not see everything from rose colored glasses. There is literally no reason why someone’s actions shouldn’t match their words unless they simply didn’t mean it. I’ve never gotten hurt by anyone because I can read the signs instantly, as someone who has done the ghosting. And you have to really protect your own heart. I’m not saying that the other person has to be totally obsessed with you to prove they are into you or want a real relationship with you, but they should at the very least, NOT GHOST YOU. There’s zero excuse for ghosting unless they’re injured , sick, or dead. Don’t fall for the *2 weeks later* “omg i’m so sorry i didn’t msg you i just got really stressed and anxious and busy” nah fam. As someone who has GAD and get extremely introverted, I would never ever just radio silence someone I HAD ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR, for more than a day or two. No matter how busy you get, if you care about someone as much as they care about you, you will think about them enough to keep contact with them.
@bp3177
8 ай бұрын
appreciate the perspective, it helps a lot
@coffeelover1210
5 ай бұрын
Thank you for your honesty. I needed to hear this.
@edishera
25 күн бұрын
Thanks i had to read this
@KevN96
5 ай бұрын
Should you do the same if you mistreated someone not with malignent intention but due to several psychological problems which of course dont justify my actions, but Im immensly regretting everything I ever said, while this person showed me multiple times with lot of patience that she likes me a lot... Im so devasted and I hate myself. I of course had time to think about why I behaved like I did and it surely was an unhealthy obsession with how this person made me feel. you could actually say it physically actually felt like being on very addicting drugs. But I for the first time opened up to other people close to me and I bursted out crying, cause of all the emotions that build up over the years and it helped me understand me and my behavior a lot more. I never had the chance to explain anything and the thought of never having the chance to talk to her again is absolutely devastating....
@Augusata
2 жыл бұрын
Wow, this video couldn't have come out at a better time for me, haha. As a person just coming out of this, there is another way to text a person while still maintaining said control, which I think can be quite freeing. Tell them you want to reconnect, but also end the message saying that you need straight answers and if they respond, they respond, but if they don't within the next day, tell them you will move on with your life.
@Cowbungo1
2 жыл бұрын
similar situation with me happened last summer. Was seeing this girl and thinks moved pretty fast and thought it was turning into a relationship. She told me she loved me etc etc. We had some arguments near the end of things then she said she needed her space. Like 3 weeks later she started dating another dude. I was hurt bad. I know I wasn't perfect in what ever we were but I was willing to work through it and wanted to but she didn't. We are still friends but what fucked me up is about 2 months ago she told me she is having a hard time choosing over her current boyfriend or me..... That is just really fucked up. Watching this video has helped on how I can approach her going forward.
@ogwillyp
4 ай бұрын
You call her out for her actions, she tries to gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting about "things that don't matter"....it's an endless vicious cycle nowadays
@laxfreakm7
2 жыл бұрын
gawd how is Dr. K so fucking timely. i need this.
@Wordslay
4 ай бұрын
I also blocked a 7 year only friend today. I said a quick goodbye and told them to take care of them-self because I didn't really want to go through the cycle again (because I did leave them once before) and be sad/upset again later down the line. I didn't really want to burden them with changes to themself for me and just let them live how they wanted. I had a realization that they might not even think of me as important or even like me for who I really am and just using me as entertainment/boredom because they ditch me for other friends in the middle of a hang out or they just get way too sexual out of no where. These could even just be me overthinking but those are things they did that made me sad.
@DR-nh6oo
2 жыл бұрын
I have learned through life that we often put up with bad behaviour in order to get wanted supply and/or so that we don’t have to improve our own game. A hard one to swallow at first but necessary if we want to avoid transactional relationships that only let us down ultimately.
@TheYoyo4games
2 жыл бұрын
It's much too late for me, messaged her many times, some of the content of which was absolving her of the guilt she was rightfully experiencing for the way she left me. It is what it is, and I've already resolved to not fight for someone's emotional wellness while they've made how available they are clear to me, ever again. Dignity is pain as he said, I would've been going through this pain regardless, I should've chose the higher of two paths. Oh well 🙁
@chitchat1212
7 ай бұрын
When your heart and brain disagree. Following your brain is hard because our hearts care about feelings. The brain is usually right.
@IAmJaceMarc
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for releasing this video at a bloody good time. To be dignified is to choose the path of pain. That's some strong stuff right there. Many thanks Dr. K
@Famous_Athlete_Hashimoto
4 ай бұрын
I've gone through almost the same thing except in a shorter time frame. It is definitely best to just forget her and move on. I made a similar mistake to this guy and reached out after she did that to me and we kind of reconnected. However, the communication was always when SHE felt like it and the whole relationship just became more and more one-sided. Finally, after she ignored me for close to 3 weeks, I finally grew some balls and blocked her. Unfortunately this was only a month ago, so it's all still kind of raw to me. However, I know now that nothing good will come of me reaching out to her and if she reaches out to me, I won't engage. I'm continuing to work on being more secure so that I don't continue attracting people like this, and thankfully I've improved my personality quite a bit from working on myself
@elyaequestus1409
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for making this vid Dr. K After watching this vid, I was back to my first year at college, 12 years ago. I made a friend, let's call her Ca, and we were inseperatable. I knew she had a lot of serious home life issues and that she was a serious student by day and a streetfighter by night. She also was an incredible kind, patient and lovely person and I felt like she understood me like nobody else. Long story short, she converted to a moslima which was a well thought out choice, started dating a guy in Turkey which was less well thought out. It started online, then she met him over the summer holiday for about 6 weeks. It was me who gave her an alibi to visit him during summer. I was excited to hear about how her holiday was on the first day of the second year. And she wasnt there. It turned out that: 1) she quit college 2) she went back to Turkey after complete (and probably violent) escalations with her parents 3) she married him It felt like my heart was torn apart and that I lost half my soul that day. She would sometimes send me E-mails. She sometimes went back to the Netherlands and visit. She would sometimes initate contact. Always with a porpose though. Whenever she was in deep shit, she would (only then) contact me and she never asked on how I was _really_ doing. At some point I told her this and told her that I didnt want to talk to her anymore. That she burned so many bridges and that was being careless. And after 12 years, I now understand why I feel so torn up about it. It wasnt ok how she left. She could have written a letter, explaining the situation. I wouldnt have liked it, but I would have atleast could have started to understand it. Or at the very least have arguments for not having to blame myself for her behavior. She's doing fine now btw. She divorced her husband, she went back to the Netherlands, got herself a nice BF with a cute house, a garden and the like. I believe she did a lot of work on herself as well. I would like to call her and tell her how I feel. Maybe there is something to save in our relationship.
@anjel5521
Жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. K for validating that it is totally normal to be upset when someone you have a close relationship suddenly ghosts you with no explanation. People are constantly trying to justify this with "I have anxiety, I have ADHD, I overthink sending the text because it's been too long already..." Respectfully, I can't have emotional terrorists like this in my life anymore. Either work on your issues or stop tormenting me by popping in and out of my life whenever it's convenient for you. And for anyone who's about to comment "have some self respect," I do now, but for a long time I didn't, and I had to learn these lessons the hard way, so I appreciate this shortcut from Dr. K. I really hope it helps a lot of people.
@rotte5537
3 ай бұрын
I also have ADHD and I think it's much more painful for us than the average person. Glad to hear you made it through! I'm also trying to push through, it's hard but it's worth it. Embracing the uncomfortable and growing rather than being comfortable and suffering.
@Snooploops97
2 жыл бұрын
Great video! I think most "simps" need to hear this advice the most. One of my best mates used to think exactly this way by a girl he was overinflating the importance she had in his life. This girl took advantage of him left and right and only talked to him when she ran out of guys that gave her attention and saw him as a back up. As soon as she saw a potential mate...she ghosted him. Failure after failure...he finally realized that he shouldn't be treated that way by someone who truly loves him. So he finally decided to just move on from her and never speak to her again. The way I found genuine self-respect (at least relationship-wise)...was the exact same way he did. When you're constantly taken for granted...the deprivation you experience from the lack of your needs being met eventually wears you down completely. Only when you reach a breaking/boiling point is when you seriously take a hard look at yourself. At least that's been my experience lol. Thnaks for sharing!
@saedt
2 жыл бұрын
Dude I love Dr K, he’s like the big brother we all need. I’m very happy I found your channel.
@maddog2314
2 жыл бұрын
Self-respect, giving up that dopamine rush for a more painful experience but saving my valuable time in exchange. Then here I am reading comments lol. I am seriously addicted to the internet and need help.
@EbonySeraphim
11 ай бұрын
This videos are effective because it teaches people who don’t already understand the solution. The biggest flaw with how most people who are, in theory, more emotionally mature is they say things people “in the know” resonate with and see easily. Essentially, you can say “have some self respect” and everyone who’s clear is like “Amen!” And instantly recognizes and affirms the preacher. But the person who doesn’t know is just a lost, and now has added anxiety about this concept that everyone seems to understand so clearly but they are missing and are made to feel even more stupid. People, teach personal stuff like Dr. K - knowing exactly what it is that the other person doesn’t know and start building from there.
@rachelle2227
2 жыл бұрын
I had to officially end the friendship with my ‘best friend’ of 13ish years early last year. She was moving further and further away since college. I was putting in the effort to video chat at least every other month. I admit I was bad at texting, but she was too. She never suggested to video chat though, only me, and I hinted one time that she could also suggest it. She didn’t. So early last year, I just stopped texting her ever, or suggesting to video chat. She contacted me once briefly to ask if I got the vaccine, but that was it. It was kind of weird she did that and nothing else, really. Since then, I got pregnant mid last year, and now I have a baby, and not telling my once best friend was so sad. I rem,beer talking about our future kids being friends when we were in college. I’m still sad and dream about her. I have a few other friends, but I really need to make a local mom friend now. But I feel like people are so bad at connecting now a days. Through my life I was always the friend to hold things together to some degree, pretty much. It sucks.
@sir_smilesalot7589
8 ай бұрын
"who controls the happiness in your life" is something I have needed to hear for a long time but I think I just never knew I did.
@zuhairreza
7 ай бұрын
Same! I have been obsessing over someone for quite some time now (couple years) but I realize when I knew her it wasn’t a real friendship or connection in the first place, and I’m currently obsessing over her to meet other unfilled needs in my life, such as need for friendship and connection and social life, since I’m usually isolated and lonely these past few years. The “who controls the happiness in your life” phrase made me realize I shouldn’t let someone who doesn’t care about me in the way I want control my life…
@SpeedUpThatComputer
8 ай бұрын
Tbh if she does talk again i'd tell her straight up that if she does that again i'll block her myself and unlike her i won't unblock after 5 months. No woman is going to treat me like that again. I personally had similar situations that led me to have zero tolerance for it. It's not worth it focusing on someone who values so little of you that they think it's okay to lead you on and block you when they are done.
@DannyJ_2003
8 ай бұрын
A year late but I’m so glad I’m not alone reading these comments. I feel like the memory of this person has been eating my heart every moment i get a spare thought and I genuinely feel like I am supposed to have died or something because at times no matter how conscious I am of it the thoughts won’t stop. I love you all so much and I’m sorry about the messed up world we live in that we all find it so hard to look into each others eyes ❤️
@eudaimonia__
2 жыл бұрын
Broke off a toxic symbiotic friendship last year. We were "best friends" just because we've known each other since we were kids. There wasn't any strong emotional feelings involved anymore. We only had each other all these years and both thought it was actually a genuine relationship. She ghosted me. We were used to not talking for weeks but this time I got blocked, everywhere. And no I didn't do anything worth that. We didn't talk for a month, and honestly I had a shit time but it made me reflect on this relationship. Month later she called on my birthday and apologized and said she wanted to talk. I just told her "okay, but I'm not free rn" and ended the call, mostly because I didn't want to ruin my happy day by opening the emotional can of worms and I wasn't ready. Later I called her when I felt ready, and told her everything I had thought over about us in that one month. How the relationship basically was turning parasitic, because of her just wanting an emotional outlet and me never expressing to her what I wanted or felt like in the relationship, basically feeding her unknowingly, making the exchange largely one sided. She accepted all that and agreed with everything. I told her about what I think are my fuck ups and asked what she thinks I could've done better. I ended the call feeling way better and we agreed to talk sometimes and maybe be even be friends again when we have both matured but for now I'm happy with boundary that we have.
@yessievillanueva1766
Жыл бұрын
Very helpful. Thank you! I am currently trying to get myself in a healthier state of mind by not reaching out to someone who is not reaching out to me. I had to delete their contact info. In order for me not to obsess with checking to see if they reached out. Im at the point that I need to reject toxic behaviors from others and people that are not on the same page as me. Even in friendships it works both ways. I choose to respect myself and value my time. This video came at the right time!
@halberdex1068
2 жыл бұрын
Probably the best thing I needed to hear today. I've been bouncing back and forth from being a people pleaser and a selfish airhead, and I could never get it right as to how to present myself, let alone if I was right to cut off so many people in my life. Relationship or just friendship, I think this does a really good job at defining the importance of dignity and control, and how the two pair together. Thanks HG.
@Outlawsrevenge1020
2 жыл бұрын
I am working on healing from childhood emotional abuse, and my self-respect has always been pretty low. I would let people walk all over me and treat me like garbage for years because I thought I deserved it. But since I've begun healing my self respect has gotten better. I won't let people treat me like that again. I'm choosing people and things that are good for me. I definitely needed this video. Thank you!
@anikap8180
2 жыл бұрын
Idk what I would do without Dr. K’s vids fr.
@marysfree5420
2 жыл бұрын
My ex broke up with me in February 2019. I asked him to block me and blocked him, so I knew we couldn’t contact each other. A couple months later I knew I could unblock him without talking to him, so I did (in retrospect this was dumb and I did kind of want him to reach out). Then he… did and said he missed me. And I am so happy that I replied with “I understand and I miss you too but if you wanted to be in a relationship with me you should have treated me with value when we were together.” It was so empowering, and the way he said “im not ready for this conversation” and left without addressing his actions made me know I made the right choice. I still think about him often, and probably always will. He was my first love and I care about him a lot. But I’m better not being in a relationship with him, and way happier now than I was then.
@chevestong
Жыл бұрын
"The whole point is self-deprivation. The whole point is 'I want this thing and I'm not going to have it'. The whole point is that I choose what I do. And I'm not going to let the temptation of an external substance [...] dictate my life."
@YoMamasLlama22
9 ай бұрын
Finding a Dr K video that lines up perfectly with your situation is a profound kind of joy
@iluxa-4000
4 ай бұрын
I've been on both sides of this, and I can tell you with almost 100% certainty - she unblocked you because she wanted attention. She wanted you to text her, to see that you still need her, but she wasn't going to text you back. It's about pleasing her ego more than anything. And it's just fucked if you do this to people. I think the best you can do is block her and try to forget it. After some time you will, but it will probably leave a scar somewhere in your mind. But such is life
@teosprock3508
8 ай бұрын
It's been 1 year of radio silence. It's been so hard to accept. I'm not quite there yet.
@teosprock3508
8 ай бұрын
I don't know about you, but it is the 'not giving (her) up' and inability to do so that is bringing me the most pain suffering.
@darialuzyk876
3 ай бұрын
I love you, Dr. K, thank you for sharing all your wisdom, compassion and support. I feel so good watching your videos, I feel loved and understood. Have a long life, Dr. K! People need you🙏
@FractalPrism.
2 жыл бұрын
dont let ppl flip flop. they are either with you or they're not. do not hold onto the past; if they leave NEVER let them back in no matter the reason. if they're an ex, they're an ex for a reason.
@GonzaloRCU
2 жыл бұрын
The release of your videos really feel like they come at just the right moment. What an amazing channel this is.
@sneakyman5626
2 жыл бұрын
Also got ghosted for no reason and was left without an explanation. It's just a horrible thing to experience. But that's the best advice I've gotten so far
@e.l.lucychiron
Ай бұрын
I think people see situations like this and think that the choice this person has to make exists in the same social context that they have going on, and that isn't guaranteed. Some people had parents who loved & respected them, some people didn't. Some people have close friendships where they feel seen and appreciated in a way they can count on, and some people don't. Some people have full, healthy self concepts that don't entirely rely on the positive feedback of other people, and some people don't. So when you simplistically tell someone, "Just have some self-respect! 😃" You assume that A) that person has effectively had self-respect modeled for them and they know what that looks like in every scenario, and B) it's going to cost that person the same emotional stakes that it would cost you to demonstrate self-respect. Neither of those are guarantees.
@theomnivert
11 ай бұрын
This has made me realize I have zero self respect.
@adamjutras7024
2 жыл бұрын
Your dreams are your dreams. Your values are yours and they may not align with the general consensus. But whatever lines you draw for yourself don't cross them. Whether or not it's interior or exterior shouldn't matter. All that being said, when it comes to relationships there are billions of people out there.
@Durgenheim
2 жыл бұрын
So many of these relationship experiences detailed on reddit are simply one perspective on a given situation and the OP is either unaware of or omits the other half of the story. In this situation, we don't know if OP said or did something that caused the other person to back away from them. Instead of framing this strictly as a situation in which someone harmed them for apparently no reason, OP should do a serious accounting of their own behaviors that may have led to the other person cutting contact.
@fisicogamer1902
2 жыл бұрын
Sure, but most of the time, the past is a hazy mist that doesn't make anything clear of who hurts who. Anyways, we always need to have self-respect to break the cycle of hurting people in relationships. It doesn't really matter who started or who ended the harm or harming, what Dr. K says applies regardless.
@vincentfegley6068
Жыл бұрын
The idea "Pick your poison" comes to mind. one of my favorite pieces of wisdom to live by.
@largechungus4209
4 ай бұрын
this was genuinely healing to watch. i grew up being bullied and had years in which i didn't have friends. i now have many wonderful friendships and have grown into myself, but through high school/undergrad (honestly even recently) i had a pattern of unhealthy attachments to others. i had the idea of "i'm horrible, i'm replaceable, and anyone who is subjecting themselves to my presence is doing a massive act of kindness", so i allowed a lot of awful behavior towards me and avoided confrontation. i had a very abusive "romantic" relationship (don't even like calling it that) and after that i got very hung up over a guy who stayed at my house, kissed me, cuddled, sent mixed signals etc and ended up being awful to me so i relate to this situation. the way people talk to those that they perceive as lacking self respect, without any compassion or understanding towards their situations is truly awful. and i've felt very hurt by a lot of former "friends" putting me down for this. thank you for displaying compassion and understanding towards people like me.
@AM-kq6tv
2 жыл бұрын
Oooooff this also relates to family. I tried to talk to my uncle that I care about very much about him only seeing one side of the story for the relationship between my mom and I. He does not want to listen regarding the fact that my mother abused me and mistreated me for a long time physically and emotionally for years. He doesnt want to hear it; he doesnt want to hear my side of the story. I had enough. There was no respect and an inability to listen. It was painful but I had to cut him out. That was the only older adult in my family that I felt I could talk too...well not anymore.
@spikeboy101
2 жыл бұрын
I don't even think this is about letting someone else dictate your happiness. You can't tell me that a fully whole, complete and happy person would be able to feel indifferent or fine when someone you loved and loved your life with for so long just throws you away. Literally.
@xXTiggaBoBXx
2 жыл бұрын
I think it's more nuanced. Of course it hurts to have your heart broken, but at the end of the day, if someone decides he or she doesn't want you in their life, you gotta make a decision. Do you let that break up drag you down for months or years, always wondering about what could have been, what you could have done different, how you get that person back, or do you respect yourself (and maybe the other person) enough to accept the decision, feel your hurt with compassion, and let yourself be able to let go after you took the time to process your emotions
@Portia620
8 ай бұрын
Don’t be desperate and communicate no doubt but what is self respect! Lol. Self respect for me is to know what I’m worth and my needs! See ya if you’re toxic or you leave! Never chase happiness within anything besides yourself people!!! We should be happy on our own!!!! Been there done that as a woman for a man and will NEVER do that again! I’m so use to pain don’t know what someone loving me feels like! I’m over it but keep trying but keep hitting wall.
@nethilym
2 жыл бұрын
Having Principles towards making yourself happy by being a humble caring person and standing your ground is more important then trying to chase something temporary in someone else. If you aren't happy with yourself, then work on yourself. help other people, see what can be improved and Never stop learning about being just a better person. Pain. Is. Necessary. For people to grow. Stop running away.
@PurpleGameRoom
7 ай бұрын
I needed to hear this... Ended something very similar a week ago because I felt like I was worth more than getting mixxed signals and confusion all the time. I know it's early but my binge eating has decreased a lot to where it's pretty much a normal diet again and my mood has improved and am more talkative and less anxious. Sure I am lonely as fuck still and I miss the feeling of being loved but that's been like that pretty much the day I was born anyway lmao
@menhguin
2 жыл бұрын
ayyy shoutout to the editor, the slowest part of Dr K videos are the beginning while I feel out whether I want to keep watching for half an hour. Soundtrack+clips really help.
@ponstruck
2 жыл бұрын
Such a good segment. Perfect for where I'm at in life right now. Thank you as always for doing God's work
@Moonie787
Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Dr. K - been in a toxic loop with a friend for several years and I just need to drop it for good. The treatment I’ve been getting has just beyond disrespectful & abysmal. I pleaded for answers and I’m constantly being ignored, but we’ve been through so much and that’s kept me hanging on. I have no idea why he’s doing this. After years of breadcrumbing and now over a month of ghosting, I just can’t hold on anymore. 😔
@danalampkin5219
9 ай бұрын
Limerence. This guy is in limerence. He is obsessed. I get it. I have done it. And the rejection makes it worse. When you don't receive unconditional love as a child, you learn to accept bad behavior because you seek love so badly.
@olgaklochkova2801
Жыл бұрын
I've overcome a somewhat similar situation, but with a positive outcome) So I started texting a guy with whom I had a weird sort of connection. We were both interested in psychology, therapy, self-help, etc. We discussed our struggles--his depression and my recent breakup with an abusive husband--and were 100% accepting and supportive of each other. We both felt lonely IRL, and we felt so warm and seen in this dialog. After a few months, we started texting less, and then there was a 2-week break. When I decided to text him again, I was shocked to find that he had deleted the chat. He had told me before that he could do that because long breaks (such as that one) hurt him, and that would mean the end of our communication. My first impulse was to chase him)) but I chose not to, out of self-respect. yeah. But I was so hurt that I decided to write a goodbye message. I told him I was hurt, apologized for *my part* of the break, and thanked him for the wonderful time we'd had together. What I got in response was a sincere apology and a promise to work on his impulses) I promised the same, so we started all over) I'm still kinda unsure if I 'chased' him or if it was a really good conflict resolution. I guess time will tell if any of us will actually work on their impulses)) But if he deletes me again, I'll take the 'self-respect & pain' option. Silently.
@thenakedlady2293
Жыл бұрын
I hope everything goes okay
@olgaklochkova2801
Жыл бұрын
@@thenakedlady2293 yeah, it's good, we still keep in touch)
@rawman998
8 ай бұрын
He shouldn’t have texted her after she unblocked him. She would have contacted him 100% on her own after a while. Now she knows that he is still not over her.
@thisusedtobemyrealname7876
Жыл бұрын
I agree that self-respect comes with time. However, I would really want people younger than me not make the same damning mistakes I did. I am 42 now, had 2 kids with someone who has BPD/Narc type personality. Suicide threats, knives, the works. I learned self-respect only after that divorce. The repercussions for my life are that now I'm basically counting the days my kids are adults so I don't have to deal with her in any shape or form, ever again. Don't be me guys, learn it from this channel, where ever. Lack of self respect can ruin your life.
@fuegopulls1
11 ай бұрын
you're really the coolest guy man this video was not necessarily for me but i know how many people benefitted from this, i cant wait to talk with you one on one some day soon
@Gago3000LP
2 жыл бұрын
its scary how much i felt the redditor as i was in the exact same situation as him last year... man this episode was surprisingly helpful
@antygona-iq8ew
6 ай бұрын
Your videos bring so much value to the KZitem.
@brucewayne2184
Жыл бұрын
"Self respect is choosing pain" Good quote.
@bende384
2 жыл бұрын
Don't get emotionally attached until you're officially together. Saves you from a lot of bs
@bigredracecar27
2 жыл бұрын
i don’t think it’s that easy.
@dash445566
2 жыл бұрын
@@bigredracecar27 it's not easy to choose pain over pleasure
@letsreadtextbook1687
2 жыл бұрын
Easier said than done
@JerziTBoss
2 жыл бұрын
I wish I knew this 2-3 years ago where I was ready to sacrifice everything to be loved including my dignity and I just wasn't happy. Even when I was dating someone I was miserable. Then covid hit and I had enough of everything so I focused on my self and building the dignity and myself back up and now I can say that the way of dignity can be painful but in the end it can bring much bigger happiness.
@dead_protagonist
2 жыл бұрын
it took a while for me to learn and accept this. but it is so difficult to move on with your life when they are still apart of it. the person I cut out is still friends with my friends, so I still have to hear about them on a daily basis.
@MechaStorm7
2 жыл бұрын
I'm currently on the other end : I made a mistake and now my best friend blocked me everywhere. Didn't have the words to apologize in time. I hurt her and I feel so bad to not be able to say sorry, to let her tell me how awful I behaved. I'm only held accountable by myself and it feels really weird because I don't know if I should let all of that go and get this self-respect or if I should be punished for good. FYI, it happened very recently so I'm not gonna get unblocked anytime soon.
@cpt.battlecock5264
2 жыл бұрын
Introspect into your own faults, Dont judge them excessively, tell your wrong doings to people you trust, Let them judge it for you, Then try to better yourself based on what they are telling you and what your monologue is telling you. You can punish yourself later if you still make the same mistakes again. Oh yeah also, grieve for the death of this relation and try to move on. I think itll be hard to gain dignity until you have mourned the loss of this thing with your bestie.
@MechaStorm7
2 жыл бұрын
It was the strongest intellectual and emotional bond I had with anyone. I just did something horribly wrong to her and then she made me leave without a word. I'm already on the path you describe, it's great to know it's the right way so thank you for that. I'm constantly asking myself these questions, it's very difficult to stay focused on my "new" life without her nowadays. I even moved out of town since. Told some close and not so close family members what happened. I feel lucky and grateful my mom, my brothers and my aunt support me through this. They objectively judged me and told me what's best to come. But the grief is the hardest part for me ... I can't do it alone, I still can't fully grieve the death of my father 2 years from now, I don't think I'll be able to grieve my best friendship, to be honest
@cpt.battlecock5264
2 жыл бұрын
@@MechaStorm7 i think you should grieve for your father first then, dr k has an amazing video on how to grief which helped me a lot in my own griefing process. And since you told your family members and they judged you properly you should be able to continue with your journey on bettering yourself and controlling your actions. Dont feel too guilty about what you did, but dont avoid it completely. Make sure you know what you feel and stay truthful to those emotions and continue forward.
@vortraz2054
3 ай бұрын
Iv been considering giving my ex a third chance after dumping me over something stuoid for the second time. Today at work I was reminded why I really dont want to trust her. And then this.
@12oaringDemon
2 жыл бұрын
Holy shit coming from someone who has been struggling with a breakup for the past year, this post was eye opening. It's unreal how relatable the topics that Dr. K talks about are. Thanks!
@charlesliang4118
6 ай бұрын
What should I do if I’m the jerk ? I mistreated my partner and our relationship needed (I had a lot of problems…i wasn’t fair for her to deal with everything). Lately I’ve been going to therapy and really changed things up. Long story short she contacted my friend and asked about my situation. she also let him know she unblocked me. I reconnected by adding her back but heard nothing but silence……don’t really know what to di
@charlottesimpson1619
2 жыл бұрын
Not this being the perfect time for you to post this. Been the conversation with my therapist every week for months. Teared up just from the intro.
@cattraknoff
11 ай бұрын
You should only let someone like that back in if they're willing to admit their mistakes (either when pointed out by you or even better voluntarily when trying to re-establish contact) and put themselves in a vulnerable position by opening up. They need to take full responsibility and sincerely apologize. And then if you want it to proceed let it be on a romantic basis if any. I think that was the original mistake here: he fell into the "friends first" trap. Don't get friendzoned. Don't be a friend to girls if you're a straight man. It's a conflict of interest for future partners and it's a trap that leads to you being exploited. You know what you really want. She's pretty. You want to date her. That's why you want to be her "friend". Just tell her she's cute, flirt, and ask her out from the start. If you're rejected then accept it. If she's receptive then go for it. Don't waste months investing in a "friendship" which in actuality is under false pretense hoping it turns into something else. Make friends with guys. Romance girls. Be friendly but flirty, don't befriend them just date them. If they're not open to dating just move on.
@ayanbahukhandi1869
Жыл бұрын
What Dr. K is taking about is basically a teaching from buddhism which says, "Desire causes suffering." The desire to message her again will cause you suffering in the future my kings. Keep control, you'll eventually let go and it wont hurt.
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