The pickup industry encourages men to talk to the 'hot women' only. And I wanted to debunk this idea and why its important to improve your social skills by, you guessed it, talking to everyone.
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The idea of only talking to the 'women you're attracted to' floats around dating communities like a hot air balloon. You get guys who come into the industry thinking that's the best way to learn social skills but after my 16 years in the industry, i wanted to debunk it.
A common fear that men have is the fear of rejection, but there is also the fear of beauty. Guys also very commonly either combine the two or confuse them and base their socialising strategies on that error. So typically then you get a guy who has no social skills, walking around aimlessly on the street for hours not talking to anyone and when an attractive lady does come along, he is absolutely petrified to do something about it.
Best best strategy for any guy working on their social skills is to improve incrementally and gradually challenge their skills. Start by simply getting comfortable talking to strangers, get comfortable with what rejection actually feels like and most of all, become desensitised to cold approaching new people. And when I say to implement this as a beginners strategy, I do mean TALK TO EVERYONE.
Talking to new people or talking to strangers is a nerve-wracking thing for anyone with social anxiety. But to combine that with talking to women you might consider 'out of your league' is only going to overcomplicate your learning process. So for starters, learn to be comfortable talking to everyone. Men, women, people older than you, your age and younger (within reason of course) and shift your limiting beliefs so you can see talking to people isn't so scary at all.
Im also not saying dont talk to women you're attracted to, far from that, it's obviously the main reason you're doing pickup, daygame, joined a dating community and so on. But building social momentum (the act of combining social skills with flow state) by talking to everyone, will bring you to a more self-actualised state that will undoubtedly make come across more confident and attractive to the women you are attracted to.
For guys who have been cold approaching for a longer period of time, this also applies to you but yet, it also doesn't. Guys more familiar with cold approaching should be able to get into flow state much quicker or almost instantly when they cold approach. So for them, talking to everyone isnt necessary, they've improved their social skills and confidence to a point that that can be more purposeful when trying to meet and date women. They're the ones who instead can afford to just talk to the women they want to date because they've already put in the hard graft of working on their social skills. Plus, they won't need to go out and practice their social skills compared to new guys who should be going out for longer(ish) sessions.
So in summary, if you're new to cold approaching, daygame, pickup, or anything in between, practice talking to everyone first because its important to raise your social and conversation skills. Get comfortable with cold approaching first whilst actively prepping to talk to women you would like to date. As time goes on you won't need to practice and instead, you'll integrate cold approaching into your normal life, giving you the freedom and confidence to speak to only the people you want to speak to.
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I'm Daniel Colbert, a Life Coach & Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT) Practitioner, helping clients to overcome their anxieties & past traumas. Having 15+ years experience working in the dating & "Pickup" industries with 80+ dating coaches, I share everything you need & more for success in dating & the best way to holistically approach it.
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