I've had this particular type of OCD for 4-5 years now, and it's miserable. Part of me feels like I could be trans, and another part of me feels like I'm just being obsessive-compulsive. What Stephanie said about not caring if you're actually trans or not is so true; I'm 100% okay with being trans, if that's what I truly am, but the lack of certainty is brutal.
@AmidalaEmma
Жыл бұрын
A lot of people have this. You’re not alone!
@ArtificialSoul
Ай бұрын
Is there a connection between OCD and growing up with emotional neglected? I grew up as an only child with a mother with autism and a narcissistic father. My dad grew up as the oldest child of the family and was spoilt by his (late) mother who also turns out to have autism but I'm also positive she had OCD. She was very anxious and obsessed a clean household and therefor also very demanding towards herself and others. I know there are people existing who just love to clean etc, however in case of OCD it turns into something which keeps one's life limited: it's compulsive behavior to sedate the anxiety of uncertainty underneath. During her latest years she often was worried she might suffer from dementia everytime when it occured she for example called me by the name of my cousin. When I noticed her facial expression afterwards I knew exactly how she felt: that feeling of being doomed and having no control at all to change the situation for the better. My dad is very different. Better said: he seems to be very different, however what really goes on in his mind is a mystery for everybody (and also his strategy to draw attention and to make people speculate about him in his benefit, such as "He just doesn't show emotions, but he's actually a nice sensitive man".) Unlike me he attempts to deny or downplay problems (or projects them on other people). He always claims about me I have been born with a very negative personality. I believed he was right about that, though I never believed he was born with a positive personality. What he calls "positive" is for me indifferent. Presently I don't believe anymore I have a negative personality. I don't think there's any human being existing who on purpose makes himself feeling miserable by negative thoughts when there's no need to do that. I think everything people do every impuls, is meant with the purpose to feel better. When I feel anxious about something I'll automatically analyse it and thinking it over and over in an attempt to make the anxiety go away. Of course it can be the way I'm doing it is not the right way and eventually sustains my situation. But that's not the same as having a negative mindset. However I don't want to delute myself as well. Actually that idea terrifies me: pretending problems don't exist, because then it might occur I don't feel them anymore, while in reality they problems are still present and will destroy me from the inside. When I'm able to feel it, I know there's something wrong and I must do something to genuinely feel better. Back to OCD in relation to gender identity. I always felt guilty for being such a hypocrite because I don't have the guts to accept myself for who I really am. I didn't know who I actually am, however I always was convinced it's the exact opposite of the person I want to be. I always wanted to feel more masculine, because I am a man and I want to feel comfortable with my own body. Unfortunately when I grew up with phrases like "You cannot change your sexuality. You HAVE TO accept yourself and you MUST be proud of being gay!" and in the media I see images like this torontolife.mblycdn.com/uploads/tl/2018/12/WEBBeardra1-2000x2560.jpg I'm feeling overwelmed by a very terrible feeling of emptyliness. And I always assumed it meant I'm a very short-sighted homo-/transphobic person. I'm realising now that feeling is not triggered by the fact someone is gay or transgender, but by the fact I feel forced to behave and to be/become like a person I don't want to be. There's always that voice in my head who judges me "You are not allowed to have it, only because you want it! You should accept just like any other mature person you cannot have everything in your life! The fact that you feel so miserable right now, is your own fault! You should have proved towards yourself and others what you're worth of instead of taking everything for granted. You did the latter: "You chose the easiest way. The result is now you are worthless scumbag! It's your punishment you feel this miserable. You have to feel privileged that you are doing so well, because you actually deserve to be punished much more severely!" I'm 44 years old now and until a few years ago I didn't recognise myself possibly having OCD, because I mistook my obsessive-compulsive thoughts as guilt. The paradox is always having the urge to overthink and analyse everything eventually gained me the insight I have right now. It's not a bad quality at all to be a thinker: it might turn you anxious, but it definitely doesn't turn you ignorant. I guess when you learn to manage it and allow yourself to feel as well, you can blossom into a very mentally strong person.
@Day-yl4uc
4 ай бұрын
It's so awful I always have doubts about my gender. I curently can't tell what is my gender anymore. I transitioned and stop my transition multiple times cause I was starting to feel uncomfortable in my body. When I go back to being a man I feel comfortable until the doubt comes back. And then I try transitioning so the doubt goes away. Finally I detransition because I feel really disconnected from my body compared to before. It's a never ending loop of suffering...
@OCDWhisperer
4 ай бұрын
I’m so sorry for the challenges you are facing. And truly hope you have good support around you.
@peachkitt
Жыл бұрын
currently relapsing with this theme and it’s absolutely terrible. it’s one of those subtypes you can’t escape from since it’s so involved with your identity.
@etanaedelman9011
10 ай бұрын
Yeah it's pretty much the absolute worst theme I've had to deal with. It's funny because I've ended up having the reverse when it comes to sexuality. I'm a bisexual woman but it's still difficult for me to even acknowledge it, not because I find it shameful, but because my OCD keeps telling me that I'm faking it to be more interesting. So like my brain will either torture me with the idea that I'm secretly a closeted trans man or it'll tell me that my attraction to other girls is completely made up for attention.
@Cal760
6 ай бұрын
Hey, thank you so much for this video. How would you advice someone going trough this? I have been with so many professionals but they either know about trans issues or they know about ocd and it is seems impossible to find someone who can help us in a whole way, do you have any advice?
@dochics1053
Ай бұрын
My mom took (des) and gave me female hormones in her womb now a female ❤
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