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@colinlouis3346
Жыл бұрын
I like how you include different cultures and their conflict styles.
@Amazing_Mark
Жыл бұрын
Ana is exceptionally smart and a great communicator.
@r011ing_thunder6
Жыл бұрын
I could definitely take some lessons from her on how to communicate like a healthy adult
@thomasjensen5028
Жыл бұрын
I think the idea of conflict styles being culturally adaptive is super cool, especially considering how having a matching conflict style is such an advantage in conflict resolution. Culture encourages a conflict style that is synergistic within itself.
@TadanoCandy
Жыл бұрын
I’m a conflict-avoider and my bf is a validator that acts/acted as a conflict-avoider because for some reason he seems afraid I’d break up with him for the conflict (which idk why cause I don’t think he’d have much trouble finding a person as good as or better than me in a second, even if we did break up). We had our first conflict last week, after 1.5 years being together, and we chose to discuss our differences in a restaurant. We were so calm that it was just as if we were having any other conversation. As a result, I know what to work on to make my partner feel more loved (he acknowledged my love language is clearly acts of service and quality time, but he’d like to have more physical touch) and he learned he doesn’t have to bottle up his feelings with me since I won’t take it the wrong way. Conflict gets a bad rep, but it’s impossible to avoid when 2 people with different personalities, backgrounds, needs, etc spend extended amounts of time together. I think if it was portrayed in a more positive light in the media, people would learn not to get too defensive about it because it’s part of developing the relationship
@BebeSensei
Жыл бұрын
People getting defensive during any level of conflict Is definitely a number one frustrater for me personally, I get it though.. i have to
@lissie3669
Жыл бұрын
I unironically need a hair tutorial on how you get your curls to fall like that
@AnaPsychology
Жыл бұрын
It’s the sock method but trust me they don’t look like this all day😅
@sonofthemorninggg
Жыл бұрын
Can we take a second to appreciate her beauty 🥲
@nirgunawish
Жыл бұрын
wavy&curly hair is oval in shape and less able to withstand harsh detergents so you need to make sure your shampoo doesn't have sulfates in it
@KirillSkobelev
Жыл бұрын
Realized that i've learned so so much from your videos. Thank you Ana!
@shes.an.angler
Жыл бұрын
The mismatch between volatile and conflict avoider is exactly how my relationship ended! I'd like to think we were both a bit of validators too, though I hope to improve on this front. Nevertheless, I definitely will look for same conflict style partners going forward. Thnx so much for putting in words what I've been thinking!
@Indielizard711
Жыл бұрын
I have mismatched conflict style, I’m conflict avoider/validator and my husband is high driven volatile-hostile. My culture is Hispanic and I could be loud and passionate but I don’t like to… when my husband comes at me and I tell him, let’s put a pin on it and we’ll discuss it later he calls me avoidant and that bothers me so much because from my perspective it’s him who can’t control his emotions and leave it for a later time! Oh and when I do take the bait and argue back… it fizzles out and he feels better but it leaves me feeling upset that it had to escalate to begin with!
@mosesm.3431
Жыл бұрын
I totally understand what you feel, I can 100% relate, it's encouraging to know there are other humans who experience the same
@drill777
Жыл бұрын
I’ve never been in a relationship but I like to watch your videos so I’m prepared for one
@carloscampo9119
Жыл бұрын
I simply couldn’t handle my emotions when I fell in love hard with a conflict avoidant. It also collided with what would be a combination of my volatile and validator conflict styles, and some anxious attachment issues that represented the fear of abandonment. It’s really insightful to listen to what happens when avoidant-volatile styles are faced with each other, as sadly that’s exactly what happened. I wished I had known how to communicate with this conflict avoidant to contribute to her needs. Was it even possible? How does one fulfill the wishes, needs and wants of someone who never accepts any conflict whatsoever?
@elvingichongedrent
Жыл бұрын
Much needed information from such a great channel
@oliverrojas3185
Жыл бұрын
Great video, I do not know if their's a specific amount of leeway a volatile might be given on account of their cullture. If someone is a volatile, I agree it is intimidating. During conflict, to compensate, I try to read body language and listen to what is being said, and what is being left out, to determine if a person poses a physical threat. I am a former hostile migrating to a validator that still occassionally elevates to a volatile if I feel I am not being heard.
@lunabibiane
Жыл бұрын
this is so interesting, i never thought about this!! i think in my current relationship im pretty validating, i can usually stay calm and literally validate & reassure my partner when he feels threatened by something i brought up. i think he is more avoidant than me so sometimes i make sure to ask him if specific situation or decisions are really fine with him or not.i often make sure i bring up things that bother me even if they arent that bad just to get it out of my head. i do like to sit and think about how i am going to bring it up in the best and most productive way. i also had past experiences where i was more volatile, but in a joking way where both were in on the joke and i knew he would take it harshly. like he understood i was actually upset about the topic at hand, but i was playing up the dramatics. it also was a relationship with less emotional intimacy and depth than with my current partner.
@schokoladenjunge1
Жыл бұрын
It's great that you bring in different cultural aspects in this. While theres a risk of being too anecdotal, I find my past experiences agreeing with yours. To me it appears that miscommunication can arise as a result of differences in these cultural "ideals of conflict handling": While an Italian person with a volatile conflict style may think their expression is very common, and shows relevant emotion and interest, to an Icelandic or German person, who often have much more reserved conflict styles, it might come off as overly aggressive or even hostile.
@Scruffed
Жыл бұрын
I'm Bolivian and have a father that would be a good example of "volatile" you described, I get the sense that it normally comes from a place of boredom or because he feels the need to emphasize something. Those of us who know him are very used to it so it doesn't shock us (though it can still make us uncomfortable or feel external embarrassment), but someone who doesn't know him will either be amused, offended or irritated (older males usually the former, younger people and females mostly the latter).
@arbolrosa
Жыл бұрын
Thanks so much! This helped me understand a problem that has come up in my relationship! I think im a little volatile and my partner avoids.
@BethanySchwarz5678
Жыл бұрын
I think you have to either have the same conflict style OR be wanting to be moving in that direction. I have always had an avoidant style but my boyfriend is ver validating. The relationship has helped me to learn how to voice my concerns
@ahmadkadan6314
Жыл бұрын
Hey Anna, wonderful videos as always. I was wondering if you could make a video about 'the curse of knowledge' and your views on it, it would be very interesting to watch.
@t-shades7148
Жыл бұрын
I'm an avoider aspiring to be a validator. If someone gets volatile with me its very hard for me to accept affection from them after that. It feels disingenuous and, like you say, unsafe. At the same time i don't do great with other avoiders either because i want things resolved and my feelings validated. Im not always great at validating in return though 😅
@joey_youtube
Жыл бұрын
Lmao I have BPD so usually I'm either the validator or hostile, maybe occasionally I can be volatile but that's rare
@elann2933
Жыл бұрын
Ana, I would like a clarification about volatiles and avoiders. I'm a bit confused about how healthy they are. You did say that they are not necessarily relationship-killers, but are they *actually* healthy or are they just “average”? So if someone's a volatile or an avoider should they ideally strive to be validators? Would that be an “improvement”? I think I am a volatile and when I listened to your descriptions I immediately thought “hm, it doesn't sound so healthy, I should try to be a validator”, and you also said something about it not being healthy, but then you said that it's OK, so I'm kinda confused and would like this clarification: should we ideally all try to become validators? Also about avoiders - this style sounded very unhealthy to me, but you kinda implied that there's nothing wrong with it and now I'm confused about it too. How is it not unhealthy to always avoid conflict in (romantic) relationships? That must be bound to fail in the long run, no? So instead of trying to find the right way to have difficult conversations with our partner, we could just... avoid difficult conversations altogether? And that would be just as healthy? It sounds too “easy” if you know what I mean and it just doesn't feel right. These are the two clarifications I need! Amazing video, as always.
@urghtf6133
Жыл бұрын
I’m not Ana, but I’d say what’s healthy depends on what is compatible with your partner! Validators are just overall what is easier to argue with as there’s not really an argument going on, more so conversations. However, volatile types can still be able to hold a constructive argument when in front of someone who understands them. If your partner is someone who absolutely hates tension and becomes unresponsive or anxious when confronted to it, then being volatile might not work. If you both are volatiles, you might be able to understand each other as you express affection and disagreement in similar ways. If one is volatile and the other is a validator, an argument can also become a conversation as the validator makes it a point to understand you rather than react to anger. Hostile and avoidant types seem to be unable to be constructive in most cases, which makes them unhealthy. There is no affection to point out and hold on to with hostile people, and you can’t solve issues by not addressing them at all with avoiders. Volatile is just a style to understand. You can both express physically and verbally how upset you are and try to solve an issue. Your partner will either get it or won’t, and if they can’t, then you can either strive to be a validator and remain calm or you’re not compatible, if that makes sense!
@elann2933
Жыл бұрын
@@urghtf6133 thank you very much, this was very helpful!
@TheHermitTeller
Жыл бұрын
Would love to see a map of the world coloured by the different conflict styles!
@jessicabethany2428
Жыл бұрын
before i watch the video - you look stunning! you're so beautiful!
@MyraMabry
Жыл бұрын
Yes, the validator appears to be the best conflict style. I feel like leaving out why people develop poor conflict styles though is not an effective for change. I think this topic requires a special amount of empathy.
@ZzLuLz
Жыл бұрын
Wow, those brown eyes are very pretty. Just found this channel few days ago, good advice.
@aliveslice
Жыл бұрын
I'm a volatile, but I wish I was a validator. Better yet I wish I was just less sensitive and be able to let go. My conflict doesn't go well with anyone. They either avoid it, don't understand, or if they're volatile go on to try and prove their point to me without considering mine 😠 if they're hostile I disengage
@latte209
Жыл бұрын
I have a validating/avoidant conflict style, depending on the circumstances. My bf has a volatile/avoidant style depending on the circumstances. Since we both tend to avoid conflict, for the most part, it works out very smoothly. But problems do arise when it turns into a volatile vs. avoidant "argument". I do not like being yelled at and when I'm put in the heat I sometimes have to shut down until the situation fizzles out. It's not a deal breaker, but I know it is a struggle for both of us when those times do arise. He gets mad at the situation, (sometimes at me too) and I get upset because he is, so I avoid it. That being said, I think volatile vs. validating conflict styles can work together quite well given the chance. When I'm able to validate where he's coming from, the situation rarely escalates to anything further. Take in mind this also could be because of both of our underlining avoidant conflict styles.
@terrylbell6378
Жыл бұрын
As always I enjoyed this informative video by Anna. IMO we should all by mindful and thoughtful with anyone we have a conflict with. Also I don't believe "culture" is a valid reason for being volatile or creating a hostile environment. 🙃😎✌️.
@simonrodriguez5530
Жыл бұрын
Now the question to ask is how to fix hostile conflict style
@amerikatt
Жыл бұрын
Ok great… Im volatile/validating with the volatility going down over the years, and my husband alternates between avoidant and hostile…
@JenksAnro
Жыл бұрын
This isnt anything research based of course, but I feel thay conflict styles can affect one another - an avoider might, being paired with someone hostile, start to adopt some hostility themselves (either that or just leave). In this way i think the environment can change someone's style within that relationship - they would still be avoidant in other situations. And equally i think someone avoidant would become somewhat validating if paired with a validator - perhaps they would continue to avoid conflict with most people but feel safe enough to express themselves within the relationship. I say this just because i have seen a few couples who behave differently with each other than to most people, or behave differently behind closed doors, so to speak, in both negative and positive ways.
@bluebutterfly5062
Жыл бұрын
When it comes to culture, there are definitely things that we can all agree on that cross the line. For example, no matter what culture you come from, most of us can agree that escalating to violence should be avoided. However, depending on what culture you come from, how often you might encounter the violence (and if, given the context, it's acceptable) will be different.
@julier.9420
Жыл бұрын
That was very interesting and to categorize the different type of conflicts helps a lot to understand why the communication can be struggling sometimes. Is it possible that a validator person type makes any other type comfortable enough to become validator type too at some point ? Where the balance of the culture influence stops and the disrespect starts? That question was very interesting too. Thank you for this video and explanation 👍
@Mercy1-
Жыл бұрын
Thanks
@sweet2sourr
Жыл бұрын
I thought I was hostile until hearing you. I’m volatile 😅
@smashing559
Жыл бұрын
You have a video on how to work on hostile?
@NeoCosmosSK
Жыл бұрын
How about talking to a Russian or a German, they sound pretty intimidating when speaking fast and serious.
@AbramFontanilla
Жыл бұрын
Hi Ana, was wondering what happened to your video on long distance relationships? Are you planning on reuploading/refilming? Thanks!
@AnaPsychology
Жыл бұрын
Yeah I’m thinking of revamping it, I just wasn’t a fan of my early KZitem way of speaking in front of the camera :)
@ViTaLTSR
Жыл бұрын
@@AnaPsychology can't wait to see a revamped version !
@tankbyers9838
Жыл бұрын
I am a hostile conflict style NGL need me a fighter to enjoy my life with
@buriedtoodeep1508
Жыл бұрын
Conflict being unavoidable, it's still difficult to understand what seems to now be an 'end goal' hierarchal, society of right people and wrong people. Tilting at windmills for something to do or for the purposes of profit or self validation? I'd say walk on by to them. Science is awesome for what it can see, but has it's limitations.
@jo1681
Жыл бұрын
Are there resources for changing conflict style?
@nihalhathaway4089
Жыл бұрын
I think culture can explain why people havea certain conflict style, but something being culture doesn't make it necessarily better ... in my parent's culture it's normal to beat children, doesn't make it acceptable...
@mqcapps
Жыл бұрын
East Asian culture says the nail that sticks up gets hammered down...so who controls the hammer
@tankbyers9838
Жыл бұрын
must have a boyfriend to watch this video
@r011ing_thunder6
Жыл бұрын
Before i get to this video i just wanna guess based on how i am that im an avoider okay lets go
@paulrhyne4
Жыл бұрын
❤️
@Chosima
Жыл бұрын
굿
@pabloj1789
Жыл бұрын
❤
@geralt_rivia1974
Жыл бұрын
❤😂
@mauritsbol4806
Жыл бұрын
Volatiles are a synonym for: Ahhh, legal. Eres Latino.
@mauritsbol4806
Жыл бұрын
Oh, you touched on this
@mauritsbol4806
Жыл бұрын
Note, people with adhd speak loudly, mom comes from brazil. Brazil family speak loudly. Many in brazil fam allegedly had adhd. But also this is normal in brazil. Is it coincidence or is there something in it. It is hereditary so it is unlikely that the probability of adhd in Netherlands is the same as brazil. Yes ofc it can be from anywhere, but where is adhd and autism most likely. Thats interesting
@BornAgainGeneration
Жыл бұрын
Can you make a video about perfectionistics and why they are the way they are and ways to overcome it?
@ktefccre
9 ай бұрын
🐱👍
@moderngoblin
Жыл бұрын
How bout don’t have a conflict style. How bout don’t have conflict. That’s the relationship I want. Why are folks endlessly trying to normalize incompatible people and toxic relationships. It doesn’t have to be this way.
@ewika3868
Жыл бұрын
because conflict in a relationship isn’t necessarily toxic. conflict happens naturally between humans so ana’s helping people fix those conflicts, to move on (non-toxic) and to recognize toxic conflict
@moderngoblin
Жыл бұрын
@@ewika3868 I see, thank you. I think I’ll be single and in blissful peace then.
@AnaPsychology
Жыл бұрын
@@ewika3868 exactly, conflict is inevitable in that two individual people will occasionally experience contradictory needs, but it can actually make a relationship stronger to navigate those!
@me4011
Жыл бұрын
Also conflict can happen months or years into a relationship and may not see that side of a person early but may want to continue to have a healthy relationship
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