Make sure to SUBSCRIBE for more #Greatness in your life and let me know what your biggest takeaways are from this video! IMPORTANT: There are many accounts impersonating me. I will NEVER ask you to contact me through KZitem comments. All comments coming from me will have a checkmark and be highlighted like this comment here. Please be aware of fake accounts trying to scam others using my name and picture!
@Jamworldtv
3 жыл бұрын
We stay because people are not perfect and we try to give the relationship the benefit of the doubt by working hard at it to see if in time will the two spirits eventually gel together or will they work against each other. This is just a thought of genuine people.
@cristinajacquemin5079
3 жыл бұрын
@@Jamworldtv o999
@DiscoveryWonders
3 жыл бұрын
I wish I could talk to guest #3 “the abstinence guy” . These were good interviews btw., Lewis. Thank you!!!
@777eld
3 жыл бұрын
Done ☑️
@curtisreitmeier1599
3 жыл бұрын
Ni
@k.c.8535
3 жыл бұрын
Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slower to anger, good rule to live by, no matter the relationship.
@omphemetsechake2839
3 жыл бұрын
I speak to provoke...and walla reactions come😷
@OneTrineMendUs
3 жыл бұрын
I'm getting better with that, it is my desire and intention.
@k.c.8535
3 жыл бұрын
@Renee Terry absolutely, that where I found it. And you are so correct.
@EricFontenelle
3 жыл бұрын
I wish the host could learn this lesson
@raheemcamal998
3 жыл бұрын
@@k.c.8535 amen
@shanitawalker2103
2 жыл бұрын
I'm tired of ALWAYS helping others with "their" stuff. I've spent several years of my life working through all of the pain and issues that I've have dealt with from major trauma in my past. It's a major drain to be the "healthy one" in a relationship and I always end up feeling lonely :/ Now, the moment that I realize that I'll be in the position of "helping someone with their stuff" I run and FAST! If the person is only relying on their partner and don't want to seek professional help RUN before they run you down.
@diegocisneros489
2 жыл бұрын
I believe everyone must go through these kind of unhealthy relationships, there wouldn't be enough wisdom in our hearts if it wasn't for it. Now, what you point out is crucial, after being that "healer" in a relationship and have learnt all the pain it brings, we no longer need a second relationship like that, but it really happens... over and over, we tend to meet new people like them and it's then when we got that chance of not allowing that ever again.
@yowhatupmain
2 жыл бұрын
Word
@luckyluckylucky2261
Жыл бұрын
I have learned if I feel pity for someone, to leave the dynamic. The perpetual “victims” who “need your help” are just manipulating another sucker! If someone can’t rely on their own people and family to dig them out of a hole, don’t let them drag you into their mess.
@OneWhoKnowz
Жыл бұрын
Codependency at its best
@lifegoeson1545
Жыл бұрын
I agree
@tiffanyangel7402
3 жыл бұрын
I love the athlete mindset for going through a breakup. I gave myself a couple of "drunken" days to ugly cry and eat some ice cream, binge watch Netflix and mope. I gave myself grace, picked myself up, dusted myself up, and started working on me and envisioning what I want for the future. I'm also focusing on my peace and daughter. I want to be a good example to my daughter and teach her to set good boundaries with people.
@kelleybright3113
3 жыл бұрын
I join u ..this mother is teaching self love self care ..after my heart break it was my me time 2 tlc me ...
@thetropicalredladya.k.atam7960
3 жыл бұрын
ABSOLUTELY CORRECT❤️
@ginkamikaze2
3 жыл бұрын
What you need to do is lower your expectations in regards to the men you want... speaking frankly, you had a daughter by a man that is not in the picture because you lost him or tried to babytrap him... being a single mom, the caliber of men that you can lock down is very slim, so if you're shooting for the stars you are going to fail 100% of the time, because if a man commits to you, there's probably something about him that WILL turn you off in the long run... TL;DR - you need to realize at this point in your life, you cannot expect to attract the same type of men you were able in your early 20s and childless...
@rally_chronicles
3 жыл бұрын
@@ginkamikaze2 it's too late she's already a single mother and undate-able
@kokolatte825
3 жыл бұрын
@@ginkamikaze2 we got a Kevin Samuels fan here
@HiNinqi
3 жыл бұрын
Im very much beginning to learn that im only comfortable when completely alone.
@drehardin
3 жыл бұрын
On one hand I applaud you. I appreciate the fact that you understand yourself enough to know that. On the other hand, I sincerely hope you breakthrough it because we all need someone, and can do better with the Right one.
@magsteel9891
3 жыл бұрын
I like my solitude too. I find when I'm with someone I go into entertainer/provider/caretaker/placater mode. That's not their fault, but I have trouble turning it off and it's exhausting
@olandofuller5588
3 жыл бұрын
Alone means Alll One. Are you complete spiritually and mentally.... If so then that would be true.
@magsteel9891
3 жыл бұрын
@@olandofuller5588 that's nonsense. Alone means no one else present.
@thisgame2
3 жыл бұрын
Be careful. I've spent a lot of time in that land. It's a seductive trap. Go for vacation only
@elleeme9451
3 жыл бұрын
It's all childhood trauma, trauma bonding and pairing with narcissists. It's very unpleasant work healing from this. But you have to go back to your childhood and heal those words of abuse and rejection. If you don't, you will never have healthy self esteem and you will always pair with a narcissist, an abuser. Real love doesn't hurt. Real love doesn't make you compete. Real love is respect for each other. Real love is kind. Anything else, is from a place of your own sense of low self worth and trauma. It's a sickness.
@stevewoodson4635
3 жыл бұрын
First Corinthians 13:1-8 0
@MandenTV
3 жыл бұрын
Real, romantic love doesn’t exist. It’s a Hollywood invention. Devotion and caring, those are not love.
@goodlife8044
3 жыл бұрын
@@MandenTV so what is real love?
@doreenplischke7645
3 жыл бұрын
👌🏼so true to so many of us. Thank you for putting it into words. It’s a hot mess to understand it for oneself as an adult.
@doreenplischke7645
3 жыл бұрын
@@goodlife8044 legit question.
@violethill4813
2 жыл бұрын
Love Stephan Speaks: A) RESPECT is key! Disagreement is acceptable; disrespect is NOT! Choose your words wisely and watch your tone! B) Don't internalize things personally. Don't be quick to react. Take a step back and listen to what people are saying. Don't become emotional when talking with others. 1) Connection! You must have a connection to be able to be yourself with each other. Feeling comfortable enough to tell your partner anything. Can we enjoy each other without no distractions? Finding a deep connection is rare! You may only find this once or twice in your life. It's an interaction between 2 people. It can't be created. 2) Balance! Complementing each others weaknesses with your strengths so we can make each other whole. Working together! 3) Chemistry! Chemistry can be created if you have a connection. 4) Attraction! You have to have some kind of physical attraction to each other. Do not let yourself go and work to maintain your physical self for yourself and your partner.
@jackgoodings
3 жыл бұрын
This can be such bad advice if you're being gaslit, manipulated and abused. When that's happening, it's not about looking at you and what your contribution to the problem is .. it can be that you're doing NOTHING wrong except staying and not putting boundaries in place. There are predators out there who intentionally confuse and 'smoke screen' you, and will get you to look at yourself (watch the right hand so you don't see the left hand). They will con you and you won't know they're doing it. You'll think it's a communication problem, and they'll get you to think you're irrational and mentally ill. When you're dealing with those types of people, it's a whole different ballgame. I agree, in these situations, it's fear .. and it's trauma bonding, and false hope, and future faking. Please folks, if this is happening to you, DO NOT hold yourself accountable .. they've done that too much to you already .. it's abuse, and NOBODY is to blame for being abused and staying. It's complex, and it's not as straight-forward as this .. it's not always about self worth, although they would have torn your self esteem to bits without you even being aware of it and you might have been full of self worth at the beginning of the 'relationship' .. it's got a huge amount to do with you having been conned, lied to, deceived, coerced, broken down, isolated, ruined financially .. and more. But .. when you do see it, and you take that hugely difficult process (and it IS a process over time), it gets better. And remember, people who leave abusive relationships do often return to them (like I said, it's complex, it's got less to do with self worth than biochemical and brainwashing) .. on average, people return up to 7 times before finally leaving permanently. Don't give up, and be kind to yourself.
@rebekam9362
3 жыл бұрын
#1 Abuse of any kind is NEVER okay. With that said, you're right in that it's complicated AND "We teach people how to treat us." Victims & perpetrators of abuse are both a symptom of the same cycle. Both, as individuals, must examine their internal world inorder to discover the role they play & thus, become empowered to break the cycle for good. If a 'victim' doesn't do this, they will forever remain the victim & the cycle goes on, and on, and on...
@designyourownjewelryworksh8657
3 жыл бұрын
So true, this advice is awful if you're dealing with someone who has Narcissist Personality Disorder.
@StephaniRoberts
3 жыл бұрын
Well said. And people aren’t aware of the cycle of abuse and trauma bonding. You nailed it. 🎯 Assuming we get out we can look at how we got in to the relationship and what we can do next time to avoid those kinds of relationships so the pattern isn’t repeated in the next one. 💛💛💛
@jacquesrivette2956
3 жыл бұрын
Well said bruh
@anneiconex1473
2 жыл бұрын
Wow....excellent comment 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
@lacrews10
3 жыл бұрын
Going though trauma sometimes makes you question your self worth especially when you are very young when you are dealing with trauma. If your parents or caretakers are abusing you it's hard to feel worthy of self love or even love from anyone else. You have to learn that from somewhere and it's hard to make it up.
@goodlife8044
3 жыл бұрын
Well said
@timotahowhitehawk3756
3 жыл бұрын
Very sad that caretakers would abuse their children, but Unfortunately very true - it happens bc they are abused and damaged too!
@sandyriley4047
3 жыл бұрын
We try to learn love from another human and that is where we are going wrong putting our trust in the wrong place. A rare gem will be there in the form of an angel to care for your needs just as you are there for another friend or stranger. We all have these good and bad moments. Get stuck in the good moments!
@kelleybright3113
3 жыл бұрын
@Renee Terry the lord hears all crystal heals all wounds..he is always on time..he did it 4 me he can do it 4any1
@angelm6497
3 жыл бұрын
Yes it's hard. Once you step into the real world you realise what you've been through isn't "normal" and it's a struggle at times. The fact that you do wake up and change direction is a major achievement that not everyone manages. 💜
@truthseeker302
3 жыл бұрын
I stayed in my marriage longer than I should have in hope that my husband would return to being the man I fell in love with, but through counselling I have had my eyes opened to the fact that he is a narcissist. I was played, love bombed and then once he had my heart, he threw me away like yesterday’s garbage. I left him 5 months ago after being married 7 years and he already has a new supply living in the home we shared. I left because I valued myself too much to put up with his alcohol addiction and affairs.
@Joy-mm3cz
2 жыл бұрын
I had a similar relationship that lasted over 20 yrs. It was in therapy that it was defined exactly what he was doing. So happy you got out and hope you continue to heal from that and grow.
@starwarsraul13
2 жыл бұрын
Or you probably never shared yourself with him and got fed up and felt the need to find someone that would fulfill his needs
@jwill9877
Жыл бұрын
That's because you lied on your vows. For better or worse was not true. He needed you in a down time in his life and you left him. I'm glad he replaced you and someone else is sleeping in the bed you once shared. I'd bet my life savings you are not as innocent as you say. You didn't divorce him without someone lined up.
@citygirl9615
Жыл бұрын
We tend to put on blinders while dating by putting up with certain behaviors and after marriage we say the other has changed. Sometimes we get involved too soon. We need time to see how someone reacts with ours friends. What makes them angry and how well do they make up. If you're dating a man or woman and every occasion is surrounded by alcohol, he or she is an alcoholic. Check their family background for mental illness etc. We all are broken which is why we need to assess ourselves from our childhood because it takes two to tangle.
@Tenacity101
Жыл бұрын
@@jwill9877 sorry this your comment is toxic even if she got someone lined up what is wrong? So she should die from emotional abuse just because she vowed for better for worst garbage collection if I get married my vows will be for better untill respect is not mutual I don't respect people who don't respect me the energy you give is what I give back .
@theresabuckles8380
3 жыл бұрын
This doesn't just apply to dating, but just communicating and interacting with other people in general.
@MikeBarron1
3 жыл бұрын
Right!
@carmelcapricorn7701
2 жыл бұрын
💯
@robertswick4452
2 жыл бұрын
What if your ex is friends with all your lady friends on Facebook so does she still care or isn't this a little weird ?
@GreeneChakra
2 жыл бұрын
Agreed, but also Subtle hints of subliminal messages of a prerequisite Divorce.
@riagurl3078
3 жыл бұрын
Communication is key in a relationship but when the other person doesn't talk its difficult to make progress. Unequal give and take.
@wisconsinfarmer4742
3 жыл бұрын
yeah I tend to quit talking when listening stops.
@Heathmcdonald
2 жыл бұрын
Impossible
@hildaorzel4975
Жыл бұрын
Your right
@Melli510
Жыл бұрын
And when you don't talk to me I over think and make assumptions
@Lamplighter4712
3 жыл бұрын
Outside of abusiveness..the real test of a lasting relationship is not what you agree on ..but how peacefully and respectfully you can disagree .. Love is a decision ..one must decide to love and commit to it..if you base it on emotions you will spend your life from person to person ..never being satisfied.
@MBravo-ki4vl
3 жыл бұрын
👏👏👏👏👏😡👏👏💞💖😊
@Lamplighter4712
3 жыл бұрын
Unless you are ready to work for unconditional love you are not ready for relationships or parenting..we are all flawed
@Lamplighter4712
3 жыл бұрын
@@MBravo-ki4vl it's really true ..if you stick together and hold on through those dark days..relationships will go through valleys and peaks..but if you hold together you become stronger and better people.. Too many people give up too fast..
@Lamplighter4712
2 жыл бұрын
@Endless Nameless if you base your relationships ,on money ,feelings ,emotions or any physical thing ..your relationships will be temporary..all the above things are temporary
@Lamplighter4712
2 жыл бұрын
@Endless Nameless I was raised to be possessive and jealous and in my old age am seeing the errors of those ways.. Men from Mars women from Venus is another farce.. Men and women are basically the same but come in many different Flavours. The difference have to do with their roles in the mating cycle. Just watch the birds . Media propaganda and political social and political influence s have mess with natural inclinations. The female builds her nest ..hatches her eggs the male adds his sperm and helps bring food to the nest til the little birds fly away. Just how it is. She takes care of the nest while he is free to deal with bigger issues. This in times past has caused women to fell unimportant and unnecessary. Usually it was the women who reared the children ..the boys were given over to the men around 13..where he was taught to hunt fish or do a trade.. The female role was to care for children elderly and sick. Of course when a boy was born it was a huge celebration as the men would be getting more help. Again these trends made some women feel unimportant and some wanted to mimick men to feel more valuable. A wise old shrimp fisher put it this way..we keep the males they're food for today..throw the females back . they're food for tomorrow..sounds harsh..but the men hold it for today..the women must create tomorrow.. The mars Venus man has it wrong on many points. Nowhere in nature is the male visual..the males follow odors and smells.. It is the me who is usually the most colorful ..to attract the mate. Modern media propaganda has conditioned him to be visual. Go look at the typical batchelor apartment and get back to me. Another thing that concerns me is Mr mars Venus and other men's groups say women don't love ..big lie women love in different ways..in nature she always ends up with the empty nest. Men see love in a more possessive way ..women are more able to love and let go..the natural female has to be that. once a women completes menopause it is natural for her to lose interest in sex..when a man in good health he can retain interest in his later years . That is nature as the woman ages caring and baring children can be to great a burden.
@Ohkeh640
3 жыл бұрын
Our peace is our strongest biro-meter soooo true!! After I left it was peaceful. I love my peace
@gratefulandblessed7194
Жыл бұрын
100% agree, it's about real peace! Peace is our barometer. And when you have the peace of God, you see how everything lines up with it. A perfect barometer! Definitely follow true peace.
@janemathenge3696
3 жыл бұрын
Relationships just seem to be too much work! It feels good to love and be loved but sometimes I wonder if it's worth all the work, esp where one fails time and time again, whether you are responsible for the failures or not.
@mikearthut781
3 жыл бұрын
Being Demanding is a red flag for me. Seems it happens in the mid-point of a relationship. Usually the person is Yelling. Yelling is another one.
@manyhats3846
3 жыл бұрын
Threats that they are going to put you somewhere where yuor locked up ect......you ll have food ect.......for your own safety they say helping you they say....so you stop runningect....when they supposibly rescued you from that. Of coarse this person couldnt have control on me at time........I dont know if thats sounds coherent, I better go to bed.
@drehardin
3 жыл бұрын
Just ended one for yelling. I can't deal with it. Once it starts there's resentment and hurt behind it, void of logic.
@manyhats3846
3 жыл бұрын
@@drehardin When on dates, test them to see if they are yellers. I suppose its more complicated than that. Sorry! THANKS for replying!
@mikearthut781
3 жыл бұрын
@@drehardin what do you do if it is your own sister. self-proclaimed, "alpha female", that is what she said. Anyways, yelling at me on numerous occasions, because her orders were not carried out to the letter. Trivial, and kind of made-up. I knew it was going to happen. I was ready for it. From the last visit. I felt I was at the Zoo, seeing an "alpha female", in the wild, and amazed at the art of being, "offended", perfected. NEXT time, I will record it !!! ha ha ha ha !!!
@olandofuller5588
3 жыл бұрын
@@mikearthut781 no such thing as a alpha female. Shes a lost female on a feminist trip. I'm sure she has a few mask she wears to make herself feel good and probably dont talk to people above her like that.
@viceversa7562
3 жыл бұрын
When people realize that this life is not there own but its the life God has given you and we are here for his purpose and his purpose only and that is to serve him and his purpose than we are living a selfless life dying to ourself ......i love it
@robertjames1259
3 жыл бұрын
Really learned a lot. Great speakers Relearning common sense and more Thanks for getting good guests
@andreamartin2953
3 жыл бұрын
So we are nothing but a vehicle to do the bidding of another being who never allows us to see him, …hmmmm, seems like a healthy outlook on life…
@viceversa7562
3 жыл бұрын
@@andreamartin2953 God Has Given you free will to believe think whatever you want he doesn't force his creation to serve or praise him
@viceversa7562
3 жыл бұрын
@VA Homie You Should Do It Only if it glorifies God
@doreenplischke7645
3 жыл бұрын
Esther….” indifference, contempt, neglect and violence…” you marked it. It hit home…heart wrenching work to heal from such dynamics of relationships. I was raised on these 4…it is such a painful, impacting long lasting experience that sadly shaped most of the basis of my interpersonal adult relationships. It is such a warp of knowledge to gain once one finds oneself at this place of acknowledgement. Thank you so so much for the content🙏🏻❤️
@GaiaNeh1013
3 жыл бұрын
Same here! All 4 were a big part of my childhood and have negatively impacted all my romantic attempts. I love when she talks about sex and the way women actually feel towards it, too. She was spot on. Personally, I've had a lot of sexual trauma and had a lot of healing to go through. But even after all that, experiences have died so quick, felt like the men didn't even care about my enjoyment and I've genuinely lost interest entirely. Turns out they just didn't understand how to please women.
@sexyLindaJ
2 жыл бұрын
Wow..me too unfortunately. I'm trying my best to transcend. It's not so easy for me.
@lwontherez7927
2 жыл бұрын
On jealousy, there are times when it IS a valid and appropriate response. if your partner is “always” flirting and never FEELS loyal to YOU, believe they are showing you WHO they are! Trust your gut. Perhaps staying in a relationship in which the person puts you at the level and value they put everyone else…is the insecure choice. Not the jealousy. The jealousy may be 100% valid. And the fear is in leaving. Or in losing them. In other words, jealousy is a valid emotion (I.e., when you are “connected” to a partner who is disloyal; even if it’s not sexually disloyal, but disloyal in the sense that they don’t know how to value you more than the general public. In short, a narcissist. If you’re with a narcissist, you are simply an asset (OR a liability) to them.)
@Tenacity101
Жыл бұрын
So true you are either a liability or assets to them he practically asked me what do I get from this relationship? You keep taking and taking and in my head I don't know what I have took 🤣 he went on and on to the point when he orders pizza and I start eating I felt like a looser even when I can get us that pizza men like that are toxic he will raise his voice when we had conversations when I told him to stop shouting at me he will say this is just my voice but that was a lie when we talked other times he got calm voice he said to me your feelings are senseless and I told him that was invalidating because all emotions are valid.
@Seraphim7
Жыл бұрын
My rule of thumb is, if the person/relationship makes us feel Jealousy/& Insecurity: it's not the right time to be dating. Counterfeits come when we go out of God's timing. Valuing yourself and not settling for anything less, weeds out All Counterfeits! Even in friendships :)
@JustSummer1776
3 жыл бұрын
If they steal from you get rid of them....
@marykimberlyhayes
3 жыл бұрын
An interesting thought: "Healing is Reinterpreting What You Believe Happened to You'
@kelleybright3113
3 жыл бұрын
Good simple point friend
@marykimberlyhayes
3 жыл бұрын
@@kelleybright3113 Sometimes we acquire more data & info on our 'trauma/hurt' and then it comes into focus!
@recklesslove2880
3 жыл бұрын
That's what " DATING "is for give it enough time and everyone's true colors come out you have the right to choose and the smarts to let go of that which is not in your liking . Take your time don't rush anything . Unfortunately all this knowledge comes with age and experience . We would like young people to know and avoid pain but we can't it's live and learn can't teach about love if you never been in love .
@nancykane8680
3 жыл бұрын
Yes, do true Be the person you know you are. . Don't stay in something where you have to change to make the other person love you, like you. . It is your responsibility to be the person God wants you to be Not someone else's. . Move on to + away from that person You don't need them
@katiespencer1988
Жыл бұрын
Right! Choose the people who choose you 😊
@LevelUpYourLife
3 жыл бұрын
💠 “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance” -Eckart Tolle Love from Level Up Your Life Channel 💖
@Msjohnnetta
3 жыл бұрын
Assess yourself but don't let a narcissist flip it on you
@Tarotcooks
3 жыл бұрын
👏👏👏
@newhope4036
3 жыл бұрын
Can relate when he said at the end he found himself "valuing the connection" at the time. Knowing it really wasn't the relationship was the one he should be been in for the long term. "They were good people" etc. "Short term feeling(s)"
@human-qp1mf
3 жыл бұрын
I'm single, 60 year old widow, I don't date...guys think, they will be the one...I say, run, run as fast as you can. They do, I'm grateful. I like my own company.
@marcduchamp5512
3 жыл бұрын
People have lost the art of being with other people. We live in a 7 billion lonely islands
@bcbro142
3 жыл бұрын
@@marcduchamp5512 yes 👏
@corby1228
3 жыл бұрын
Uhh who cares really. I mean is there a point here
@andremiller9919
3 жыл бұрын
@@marcduchamp5512 exactly
@human-qp1mf
3 жыл бұрын
@@corby1228 no
@sistasarita
3 жыл бұрын
"Love cuts to the core of our worth." So powerful! ❤
@lewishowes
3 жыл бұрын
🧡
@mariat3216
3 жыл бұрын
Wow! Truth shall set you free! And oh boy it did! It was the most painful but I couldn’t live in someone else’s skin and being able to be myself and I knew I wasn’t truly loved. I should’ve known when someone says “ I truly love you so much “ “ you are the only one” it will take one text when I say I’m doing what you asking me to do, my body is my temple and I deserve a respect. And he is gone the same way he appeared! Amazing! I stoped believing in love. Why people just can’t appreciate honest loving humble person who loves family life? It blows my mind. Such great insights and eye openers for me!!! Thank you 🙏🏽💕🧚♂️
@shamarmiller1281
2 жыл бұрын
Having borderline personality disorder in relationships is very hard
@kristenlee6501
3 жыл бұрын
I loved my ex boyfriend, but after 4 to 6 months he would sabotage it. Things were going great and than he would start looking for other. And it broke my heart. 3 times I let him come back. It was hard when the last time that he left. But I also grew from my broken heart. I was literally broken. But that’s when you go is when you literally hit bottom.
@donnaquinlan6530
2 жыл бұрын
I think some men are Pheromone chasers they ride out the chemical high
@JenniferKellyteam
2 жыл бұрын
Amen to this podcast! Finally making the decision to value my self and leaving limiting relationships, has allowed my to live my dreams. Create a beautiful, joyful life! Thank you for packing all of that in one podcast!! I loved it!! ❤️
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
@javymcdeez3958
Жыл бұрын
@@lewishowes to get the
@javymcdeez3958
Жыл бұрын
@@lewishowes to get the
@paperdreamer2043
Жыл бұрын
I was treated like I was in the wrong for him not being my sole source of companionship, but he didn't care if I was happy provided he got what he wanted. I ended up feeling like I was completely alone.
@consultmlcesqful
3 жыл бұрын
I am one who has gone from one abusive relationship to another BECAUSE I did not have a chance to heal from childhood trauma; and then all of the trauma I’ve experienced for the duration of my life. Now at 62, I’ve been abstinent for at least 10 years BECAUSE it has taken that long for me to love myself enough to focus on healing. I have come to understand that I must be emotionally healthy in order to enjoy a healthy relationship. Understanding me, my son has delayed asking his 8th grade sweetheart to marry him, because he feels the need to take the time to heal first. He loves her enough to work on being his best self. As you articulate so well, near 1:11:00 / 3:26:14, prior healing is essential to a healthy relationship. Looking forward to reading “Finding Love after heartbreak.” Who hurt me & how?
@eltarda2652
2 жыл бұрын
Kudos to you. Im 41 and still trying to figure things out and thought I should have gotten everything figured out by now. Better late then never,praise God.
@regalegos1221
3 жыл бұрын
5 Red Flags: 1. Mummy or Daddy issues 2. Love bombing 3. Sex addiction 4. Flat line emotions 5. One slap or push Any of them prepare yourself, more than one pack bags, all of them GET GONE!!
@katherlenepatterson5243
2 жыл бұрын
It's been all for me. I left and tried to love from a distance. Now it's all about stay Gone...Forgive...and Let God. The Lord is my Shepherd I Shall Not Want.
@donnaquinlan6530
2 жыл бұрын
@@katherlenepatterson5243 good for you
@LibertyDIY
2 жыл бұрын
I think I've got the flatline emotions one
@DIAMONDGIRL57
3 жыл бұрын
I do so much better in a relationship when we live separately.
@LibertyDIY
2 жыл бұрын
It helps keep things going
@averyt6521
2 жыл бұрын
Audrey hepburn discussed that.
@kathienail2455
Жыл бұрын
Ditto
@ellamedic8963
3 жыл бұрын
I actually left a guy because he was not honest with who he was. I noticed he tried to doing things to make me happy, but never shared what he really wants. I could tell he was preprogrammed by his previous relationships to act this way. If he was not going to show up as himself, I was not going to accept him in any other way!
@matcabliii
3 жыл бұрын
Lol you will for sure find someone...
@jdtools6038
3 жыл бұрын
Maybe he wasn't into you in the first place. I liked a lady but wasn't sure about her true intentions. Sometimes people who are really smart will act another way or different to get faster results.
@kylenorris9585
3 жыл бұрын
Pride and unmet expectations are the two things that cause 99% of arguments
@paulasampai364
3 жыл бұрын
Live your life and not expect anyone to make you happy....move forward always
@lewishowes
3 жыл бұрын
👍
@jenzgirlzdanz
3 жыл бұрын
Love this title … red flags aren’t necessarily about the other person?! They may be a deeper meaning about oneself. Reflection and being honest with yourself first takes relationships to a whole new level! Very exciting!
@joanolisa1
Жыл бұрын
I have been through pain in the past, but the pain of a heartbreak is unmeasurable. 6 months and counting. Getting better daily.
@angelm6497
3 жыл бұрын
There is loads of great advice here. Really invaluable. I think this covers a lot of relevant arras in relationships in considering your own behaviour and that of your partner. I'd suggest everyone listens to this. But regrettably, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink.
@tiffanyangel7402
3 жыл бұрын
I have been watching this all week and I think I might review it all month. It's so good! I'm going through a divorce right now and it's helping me so much with my mindset. Thank you so much for putting these interviews together! I have learned from Matthew in the past a lot, and I am so glad to meet the others who I just learned from. They all have such great insights! I love this so much! Thank you so much for sharing! I really needed this! 💖
@achosenstarchild9050
3 жыл бұрын
All of this is absolutely what's happened in my relationship for the past 20 + year relationship , people need to really watch this because it's very eye-opening this is what really happened and then some even family members strangers and friends I thought I had. Thank you for sharing the knowledge on this page #Namaste
@MHobbs43
3 жыл бұрын
Men and women need to give each other same support, and not create differences about what each other needs. Our fundamental needs are the same, and I (as a women) can't give you something if you (tell me) I don't need the same in return and that you are special in this area because you're a man. I have the same need for acknowledgment and ego boosts (on occasion) too.
@wisconsinfarmer4742
3 жыл бұрын
neither gender has a monopoly on imbalanced expectations.
@LibertyDIY
2 жыл бұрын
Yes we have to start accepting this about ourselves and our partners.
@GodIsWithUs4LIFE
2 жыл бұрын
I can't believe me seating here watching and taking a notes for 3 hours WITHOUT distracting myself😅😅😅. I LOVE IT!!!
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
🧡
@donnaquinlan6530
2 жыл бұрын
Really great content and learning A lot from everyone’s response to the videos as well
@magsteel9891
3 жыл бұрын
I had multiple long term relationships that should've ended by the fourth date. Now I cut them off fast.
@donvee2000
3 жыл бұрын
After my divorce...I met plenty of women that didn't do to well with receiving love either. And I learned that the mainstream suggestion men share their feelings more is completely wrong. Never met a women who was looking for a sensitive man. Man up is a phrase thrown around way to much.
@QuotesandSayings27
3 жыл бұрын
I don't agree with that. I think it's good and healthy for men to express their feelings, (it's honesty), a sign of maturity not a sign of weakness. I think it's sad that some men feel that they are not allowed to be sensitive just because they are a man.
@lc4972
2 жыл бұрын
I thought I wanted a sensitive man. And I found one. He took offense to everything I said. I walked on eggshells for much of the relationship. Couldn't talk about or resolve issues. I continually got the silent treatment for days, weeks, months. I had no security. He was constantly telling me to go away and find someone else if he didn't make me happy. Yeah, don't think I want that again.
@lc4972
2 жыл бұрын
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr My ex guy didn't have those reasons.
@lc4972
2 жыл бұрын
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr ppl who have double standards are not healthy. My ex also had double standards. Another reason he is my ex. I'd rather be alone than with someone who isn't healthy. It was very multilayered. I want a healthy relationship or nothing at all. When sensitivity goes over the edge it's no longer healthy. Both ppl should be happy or be able to work things out in that direction. When it doesn't work for us, we have to eventually let go.
@lc4972
2 жыл бұрын
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr you need to do what is best for you. If this relationship is not best for you, it is certainly not best for her. Life is too short not to be happy. Do some research on narcissists. And maybe cluster B personalities. You can find the strength here on you tube. There are many resources here for that! It took me a couple years to get out. Due to being trauma bonded. Now that I'm out, I've determined if I am in a relationship again and I'm crying more than I am laughing, I'm leaving. There are way worse things than being single, my friend. No, you don't sound crazy. You are being gaslighted. You need to get out of the relationship for you and your daughters mental and emotional health. Not sure why you deleted your posts. Hope you are ok.
@goodietequila4228
2 жыл бұрын
*(When you are doing something because of expectations from another, love goes down and fear rise). Can you live with what is expected but never what was destiny ?
@andreavanda5402
3 жыл бұрын
This guy is brilliant. What a spirit with a huge heart! 💛
@lewishowes
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂
@aslynnecaron4100
2 жыл бұрын
What do you do, when your companion needs a break, claiming to be healing, from past relationship, not even communicating with you? Being in limbo isn’t a good place.
@katherlenepatterson5243
2 жыл бұрын
Believe them. Watch as well as pray. The person is telling you honestly what they need and most likely needed from the very Start.
@GreeneChakra
2 жыл бұрын
I'm learning from this entire Interview, what a forthcoming Divorce can look 👀 like, when you're Dating successful Actresses in “Hollywood”...
@LibertyDIY
2 жыл бұрын
Amazing, divorce just a few months later
@truthbearer7891
Жыл бұрын
Advice he gave was solid. His wife was just for the streets
@helenepiccirillo3851
2 жыл бұрын
You are right on point… I have been alone since my husband of 11 years passed away in 2005 I’ve been out on dates had some little short term on and off relationships but being involved with narcissistic people I realize I always had worse and finally got out of that and I’d rather be by myself then be not equally yoked with another person I know what it takes to work in a marriage or relationship it’s give-and-take it’s being a good listener it’s participating it’s being present and a lot of people don’t want to put value or significance . They just settle: Compromise so important-
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
🧡
@navinebaskerville2350
2 жыл бұрын
great advice! Just wish we could clone these types of men for the rest of us: Compassionate, caring, and trying to learn how to communicate with love.
@nelsonnelson6763
2 жыл бұрын
God first 🙏 then everything else ! Haven't we all learned yet ???
@bumpercoach
3 жыл бұрын
letting love die is on BOTH but the greater initiation of divorce indicates women primarily fail to do the GROWNUP key of deciding YOU are responsible for your happiness and so if making/building love is gonna happen it REQUIRES for you to succeed as works in everything else
@KleeKaiPuppies
Жыл бұрын
If you’re w a toxic person, it doesn’t matter what you do. They will always treat you poorly. Take good care of yourself and surround yourself w kind quality people❤️
@lewishowes
Жыл бұрын
🧡🧡🧡
@dianemarti4017
2 жыл бұрын
But also, you can find an amazing connection, commitment and chemistry with someone and get to a point when it is not the right person because the relationship lacks many other qualities for a long term commitment. You learn more about yourself and the experience defines who you are as a person as well as understanding the little things that absolutely can break up two people who deeply love one another but cannot make it work. And that's okay too.
@reginagravante642
3 жыл бұрын
Women are not the only people who sabotage relationships and are not ready to enter back into the dating scene. I have experienced this with men and I had to move on because they were not ready.
@DenisZenASMR
3 жыл бұрын
I am making coffee just to listen and absorb this during work today
@YogawithAliBeale
3 жыл бұрын
I know I just let it run and absorb the gold gems sink in.
@lewishowes
3 жыл бұрын
Appreciate you! 🙏
@pastryshack551
3 жыл бұрын
Can you actually listen to this for 3/ 1/2 hrs. Just curios
@DenisZenASMR
3 жыл бұрын
@@pastryshack551 yes it’s great while cleaning or getting paperwork done!
@YogawithAliBeale
3 жыл бұрын
@@pastryshack551 I could and probably have. I usually can't just cause life. But it's background noise for when I am cooking, cleaning getting ready in the morning. I can focus my brain the content I should be focusing on rather than negative self talk or you know the stories we tell ourselves. I'm lucky I work from home most days so I can get several in a day. 🙏
@CM-sy3to
3 жыл бұрын
Instant connection can only produce a healthy relationship if one grew up with emotionally healthy people. Otherwise what attracts is familiar but unhealthy characteristics of a father or mother. We try to recreate past dysfunctional relationships to fix or heal what we could not fix as children. It's why people often choose the same type partner in failed relationships after another.
@RinaValan
3 жыл бұрын
This is just fantastic. Where were you guys 20 years ago❤️
@mojitabasidik8593
3 жыл бұрын
You Friend zoned them. That is were all the great guys are. Ladies you want a good man, look at the men you friend zoned.
@jacquesrivette2956
3 жыл бұрын
@@mojitabasidik8593 well said bruh
@herstory1012
3 жыл бұрын
In kindergarten. Lol
@LeViIain
3 жыл бұрын
Since there are way less wars nowadays, instead of getting killed the unlucky now get to live a lifetime of stress and meaningless relationships. Finally real equality for women
@amitasharma4770
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you I will listen again to make notes this collection of speakers was a blessing Thank you always and to everyone who are with you and all the coaches and speakers and ppl behind the scenes a big Thank you Nameste 😇🙏🏻😎❤
@ladimiz
Жыл бұрын
Someone sent me this because I am going through some really though times and man oh man this is so good and I haven’t even finished it yet. Sending this to a lot of people I know who need it
@MikeBarron1
3 жыл бұрын
You always have the best ideas Lewis!! This is awesome!!
@LadyS723
2 жыл бұрын
I love hearing Devon Franklin laugh 😂 it's a sound of real, genuine, deep laughter from within❣️
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
🧡
@shar1338
2 жыл бұрын
I have taken so much from this video .. thank you 🙏🏼.. Stephan your words “the spirit knows before you do “ hit me hard . So my spirit knows it loves a narcissistic.. but he doesn’t !!! like Matthew said , loving someone is not always a happy feeling. So I am going through a heartbreak . Thank you to you all . Lewis you have a really good energy about you . Thank you
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
@jessicanorth9213
Жыл бұрын
BLOWING MY MIND Everything you've said so far, I literally discussed this within the past 24hours. I am hearing and understanding 100%
@MHobbs43
3 жыл бұрын
However, We need acceptance as we are to feel safe enough to start opening up about our worst and make the change. We need safe supportive environment and that doesn't come with a partner that somehow tries to coerce you into change. That type of motivation causes protection, and growth stops.
@annag467
2 жыл бұрын
Alright, let's go Coach Holmes. Since watching your videos and other incisive KZitemrs that you interview, i've been getting good vibes and preparing for what I want to change in my life.
@stevrgrs
3 жыл бұрын
Love thy neighbor as thyself. If you don't love yourself you can't love others :P Simple as that :)
@MsBettyRubble
3 жыл бұрын
Love thy neighbors the way THEY want to be loved. They may not require the same treatment as you do to feel loved, and they usually don't. If you want to love another person, figure out what's important to them.
@nuday777
3 жыл бұрын
We cannot speak on someone else’s decision in their relationship. We go through things to learn and grow. Be gentle before you say, “ why did you..”
@Sherspirit
2 жыл бұрын
I have to add... this is truly an extraordinary compilation. I think it should be required viewing for... well... every human being who wants a mate relationship in their lives. Lol Seriously...
@doreenlane2370
2 жыл бұрын
People who don't realize how intimate sexual activity is or people who don't respect their body will treat it like a trash dump. True strength is the ability to control your strength.
@dennisrobinson8008
2 жыл бұрын
self control
@kathienail2455
Жыл бұрын
Sorry 😢
@coolcollective1805
3 жыл бұрын
It all goes full circle back to us first. Thanks. I like the way you put the pieces together.
@brendawilliams6741
2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely, arguments are not acceptable with me , being disrespectful, putting me down, screaming at me not acceptable. Talking to me, bottom line is be careful how you respond when we disagree, Stephen 100 percent correct.
@Birthdaycakesmom
2 жыл бұрын
You know how unnerving it is to think men have to manage noncommittal desires? I’m not going to even bother getting married. This is ridiculous. Who’d want to marry someone who identifies their masculinity as necessitating craving for other women sexually? It’s like overeating.
@LibertyDIY
2 жыл бұрын
Took me many years to accept this about myself but lack of desire after love affects woman as well.
@kathienail2455
Жыл бұрын
Wow are you ok ? I hope you’re not giving this free rent in yours head
@Birthdaycakesmom
Жыл бұрын
@@kathienail2455 yeah I’m ok 🙂 I’ll be ok 👍 thanks for asking
@kathienail2455
Жыл бұрын
I think that you are angry at yourself for not running from this jerk you are a high risk for depression because you will wind up turning the anger on yourself and repeating this behavior pattern. This happens to the best of us my friend. Insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again and expecting different results! Not gonna happen honestly think about it. I am offering you friendship at a crazy time if you want it 🎈💕
@decloedte
2 жыл бұрын
Your channel has so much value it's impressive.
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to leave me a review here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499
@marcduchamp5512
3 жыл бұрын
Some people have too much of themselves with selfies and some others have apps to make them look skinnier and prettier
@LynettePannell-st5ij
Жыл бұрын
I am so guilty of wanting answers from everyone who were not there during a time I need answers. I consciously know they wouldn't know if they do not know the date. It frustrates them of course then I realized my behavior and genuinely apologize. I get it
@chrissycarter999
3 жыл бұрын
Only those who live in fear feel the need to control their entire environment even the small shit You get what you settle for don't sweat the small stuff but don't tolerate the bad treatment
@stevrgrs
3 жыл бұрын
You can't say that it deepens the connection and they say that its OK to do outside of marriage. You either cheapen it to where you just don't attach to anyone, or you attach and then have a piece of you irreparably ripped out. You can't have both .
@00HELLA00
3 жыл бұрын
Am glad for these 3 years single life, learnd what kind of relations I had with the 2 father's of my childeren in 18 years and another 17 years, also the relations with my family, 6 sisters and a mom, left them for the better of me, very happy with the person who I am now, and ready for a relation with a man. 🙏🏻❤️
@pcpll
Жыл бұрын
Clearly one of the most powerful, life changing videos I have ever seen of all times.
@RudeReaper
3 жыл бұрын
Everyone is a relationship expert except for their own.
@krivoli86
3 жыл бұрын
Are people really leaving too early? 50% divorce rate? Isn’t it often that people end up in a similar mess with another partner after some time? If so, wouldn’t it be smarter to work on an existing relationship?
@777eld
3 жыл бұрын
He’s right on! My wife wanted to change me until I told her this. I’ll never change unless I choose to and what she expected was not me so it wasn’t happening.
@mjennifer142
3 жыл бұрын
Same with my marriage. And now he is leaving me and we just had a baby. :”(
@veronicac.sparks1795
3 жыл бұрын
Taking the very best time, just to know one, another, to, learn, how, one feels about, just about, everything, there is. Valuable stuff, going on here.
@nickidaisydandelion4044
3 жыл бұрын
The most important thing is to say honestly what we feel to the other.
@livefromtheground7274
3 жыл бұрын
If both respect honesty. Some folks don’t want the truth
@Sherspirit
2 жыл бұрын
Women also desire other men even when in committed relationships. We're not THAT different. Also, as to connection, there are different levels and ways of connecting. I don't think anyone should believe that you can only connect deeply with one, possibly two people in the course of a lifetime. That's a perspective maybe felt in the first third of a lifetime. A lot of very good information here, but bits of it are inside of the box ideas. Enjoyed this immensely nonetheless. Thank you Lewis!
@LibertyDIY
2 жыл бұрын
Yea we need to accept and appreciate that in both partners
@sohailkhan501
2 жыл бұрын
What a podcast! This is precious n priceless.. I will be revisiting time n again to listen and reflect... thank you 🙏🏻❤️
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
@bebe8842
Жыл бұрын
Real but mutual connection is the first thing that's a must, otherwise u can t work with that partner and you'll have nothing in the end.
@mildredmaponga2473
3 жыл бұрын
I loved the trash can concept and the approach with who hurt you. Thank you for all these teachers.
@kelle0285
Жыл бұрын
Who hurt you?
@dargeo1406
Жыл бұрын
I wish everyone knew about healing. I dated someone for 6 months . We had amazing chemistry and he was talking about marriage. But then…all of a sudden he ran back to his “crazy ex” and I had to ghost him and all his attempts to return. Lying and cheating are never ok. It’s been years, I’ve gotten married and kids and that ex still won’t accept the fact he can’t have me because he ruined everything on a whim, out of cowardice… I pity and despise him.
@MindsetMom
3 жыл бұрын
I haven't seen anybody in these interviews address the complexity of "just leaving" when you believe that doing so is not God's best for you or that it will be in a sense, punished according to the plan of God. Or your children will reap heartache, if one should divorce or leave. Especially when people from your faith community constantly reinforce this sentiment. So then one feels they need to sacrifice themselves on that altar.
@christinalove6344
3 жыл бұрын
Have no kids,wasn't married yet did get caught up with a narrcist who 1.lovebombed me 2.isolated me to a different state from friends/family.3.slowly took my belongings 4. Verbal/ physical abuse..5.I waited months for that one moment to leave, left all my belongings moved state 6. There are amazing people on this earth (BE ONE).I didn't even know people behaved that way so am more aware now..Oh and guy Got me by saying he is a follower of Christ/GOD so I appreciate that he taught me how to have a closer relationship with Jesus and not to fall for.others words.
@promysegrace
3 жыл бұрын
@@christinalove6344 sounds like the guy I just broke up with
@wisconsinfarmer4742
3 жыл бұрын
especially if it is a primitive angry god one is attending to.
@DaretoDream814
2 жыл бұрын
Your Guest is so on point on so many levels. Thank you, your team players, and your guest for all that you all do. Keep the greatness coming!!!!!
@linam333
2 жыл бұрын
Lewis. Thank you from my heart all the guests you bring to your amazing life!!!
@lewishowes
2 жыл бұрын
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
@realestatecoach8626
2 жыл бұрын
There is no trap in “Love”.
@susanxyz5730
3 жыл бұрын
Bad advice when your in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder.
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