"The foundation of your safety has not been destroyed." Well put. Explains perfectly why parental abuse and neglect can be so painful and traumatic: The foundation for your safety, which is supposed to be your parents, are the very ones responsible for your safety. If your first foundation is destroyed or questionable, it's truly a miracle to be a productive person later in life. I guess that I am a miracle then: Only college graduate and the only one with a professional job.
@Chopsyochops
Ай бұрын
Same, I succeeded in spite of them. But only because I am stubborn and refused to let them destroy my me and life. I left home at 14 and slept on the streets. I eventually found my way in life without them. Im 45 now and my mother is still trying to destroy me with her words. She failed. But I couldn’t see it until I got so sick from her abuse as an adult that I had a stroke and I now need surgery for other issues caused by stress and CPTSD. But still I prevail. I will always win! She has no power over me anymore! She is nothing!
@katrinat.3032
Ай бұрын
You are a miracle and you are very strong to have survived whatever the issues were. I wish you continued healing.
@Rhinoch8
Жыл бұрын
Traumatized parents are so out of touch with their emotions, they won't detect signs of events that shook the child to be there for them, eventually repeating the cycle. Surviving the survivors is a real thing.
@beaberean3842
3 ай бұрын
Yes, this is true. I was traumatized as a child and therefore I was not there for my children when they were growing up and I ended up repeating the cycle in causing trauma. It breaks my heart. I am just starting my journey to finding healing from all the trauma that I suffered through childhood and an abusive marriage. 🙏🏻
@janny474
15 күн бұрын
Not traumatized parents: entitled parents do that. As a traumatic childhood survivor i have never treated my child like those monsters treated me. And she's much more peaceful and successful than I am because she's always had someone in her corner. So the cycle ends with me.
@katrinat.3032
Ай бұрын
This is so true that the support you got after the traumatic event really matters. I have two friends, both childhood victims of sexual abuse. One could never tell her mother or father and had to hide it for years and now she has CPTSD. The other one told her mother and father, who protected her fearlessly. She is fine with it. She can talk about it. She does work for organizations that help children of sex abuse.
@tinaobrien348
25 күн бұрын
😢
@Ydce1891
25 күн бұрын
I can remember the moment where I had no control. Couldn’t look away, couldn’t make any face, couldn’t fidget, every single physical response my body had to trauma was identified and stripped from me. There was a point where i could do absolutely nothing without receiving criticism while being berated. I can feel myself at the moment when I fragmented and the dissociation began. Freeze response is so challenging because it feels like you’re in a burning building and even though the flames are starting to touch you, you can’t react. People always tell me how laid back and calm I am but they don’t understand how much we mask. I may seem stoic on the outside while my mind is screaming and racing with panic and worry or I’m completely checked out. There are so many times I go shopping and all the sudden I’m at the other end of the building as if my brain shut down while I walked around
@matt.m4310
5 күн бұрын
So much of what you've said is exactly how I've been trying to explain it.
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
That is a problem when your parents cause the trauma.
@funincluded
Жыл бұрын
Genital mutilation is a tradition!
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
@@funincluded That is one type of trauma.
@artifundio1
Жыл бұрын
I can relate! My hypothesis about this type of trauma is this: people who is supposed to love you (parents, siblings, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend) but are abusers, will seek a trauma response in you as a way to shape up your personality according with their standard of appropriate. They don't know they are doing it to you, probably, but yes they are doing it. A little trauma here, and a not so little trauma there, and a big trauma once in a while will be necessary to keep you in check in the long run. You learn to deal, or you go away, or you'll suffer. It's a lot like taming a wild animal.
@johnnymac6178
Жыл бұрын
@@artifundio1 but they don’t call it “taming” a wild animal…the term is to “break” it. You break a horse. You “break in” a new item by using it and being rough with it to make it easier to use.
@artifundio1
Жыл бұрын
@@johnnymac6178 I don't care about your corrections, write your own post. Have some self control.
@sagesufferswell
7 ай бұрын
When you've got so much trauma compartmentalized In your brain that pulling the wrong box out could crush you, you've already realized parental neglect was thw foundation of all that pain
@florencia1386
27 күн бұрын
I was in a mental hospital where they tied me up for nine days without any reason and without allowing me to go to the bathroom and it traumatized me. My parents were there when they let me out but I was and I felt completely alone when they did that to me. I’m still dealing with the consequences that come after the trauma.
@higherlunacy
6 ай бұрын
...and when it turns out nobody's really there for you, not even your family, you might sink so low into your trauma that you find in there your Self; the Self that was lost long time ago. And then, Thank God, you have someone to overcome that trauma with.
@GillyMountford
2 ай бұрын
That is a great perspective.
@katrinat.3032
Ай бұрын
That is so true because after all I’ve been through and also a lot of therapy. I have finally really become myself.
@Blissfulnessence
11 ай бұрын
As a child i cleaned up the blood, then told her where the bruises were (mum was blind) I hated me for not being able to stop it. I hated me for not being 'good enough' to make family life peaceful. It was my fault then and it is still my fault.
@GUCC1197
10 ай бұрын
It was never your fault! Love yourself now for surviving someone else’s malice and for not resorting to the same behaviour 💗
@MicahScottPnD
8 ай бұрын
Ouch.
@Blissfulnessence
8 ай бұрын
@@MicahScottPnD yeah, sorry, i don't usually reveal so much via social media.
@MicahScottPnD
8 ай бұрын
@@Blissfulnessence Sometimes there's real value in semi-anonymity. No call for sorrow, at all. I can relate, is what I mean actually.
@Blissfulnessence
8 ай бұрын
@@MicahScottPnD Bless you
@magueysunset
11 ай бұрын
This book goes great with the mindfulness book "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels. Both have helped me develop a good routine.
@PrincessSharifa434
6 ай бұрын
Thank you!
@auntiemame7076
3 ай бұрын
I so appreciate this explanation. Way too many people toss around the term trauma to refer to anything that upset them that it has lost real meaning when it has specific implications that attention seekers cannot begin to truly grasp.
@calizero8503
Жыл бұрын
"That is bc your foundation of safety is not destroyed". ...
@CareerDropout.
Жыл бұрын
This is intriguing because I’ve run across people who sound like they’d blow off the fact their kid was traumatized because their perception is showing concern for someone’s trauma is actually crippling them to become needy. Very very intriguing. I guess those who lack empathy are extremely traumatized individuals who count their strength as camouflage to actually being wounded
@theroseisenough
Жыл бұрын
And these so-called "strong" individuals further hurt and traumatize others. The neverending cycle, often generational.
@The-Well
Жыл бұрын
It's definitely a complex one
@GUCC1197
10 ай бұрын
I think the crucial point here is “childhood trauma”. If they didn’t feel safe and protected as a child, their development into adulthood is compromised. They develop defence mechanism to keep themselves feeling safe which continues into their adult relationships
@RebeccaEWebber
9 ай бұрын
We have this book and utilize its deep wisdom in our trauma work. Me as an Animist Minister trainee and my husband as a mental health councilor. Thank you good Sir!
@TLW369
4 ай бұрын
That’s a very powerful statement: 👇 “The trauma is not the event, it’s how you respond to it” Noted! ♥️
@debanjanshil8955
11 ай бұрын
Right sir ! Foundation of safety is really needed !!
@CMDR_Saber84
Жыл бұрын
Oh man then I've been broken for life. Cancer at age 8 till 18 then suffer with side effects till late 20s then widowmaker at 31 plus 3 stents then a heart transplant just 9 months ago
@TheOriginalCameron
Жыл бұрын
On the bright side, brain plasticity never stops :)
@12akul
Жыл бұрын
So sorry for you. May you find happiness
@The-Well
Жыл бұрын
Sending love and best wishes to you!
@CMDR_Saber84
Жыл бұрын
@@TheOriginalCameron that just means the life long trauma/PTSD is forever burnt into my brain, kinda what the brain does to protect itself; very much a double edged sword
@daniawania
Жыл бұрын
Well it's relatively much better than "died of cancer" at 8. It's reading more like, "never give up". Make sure you're live for something great then it's all worth the problems
@vivienned1934
2 ай бұрын
This guy is a genuis❤
@Chopsyochops
Ай бұрын
My mother and stepfather were the cause of my trauma. No one was there to save me from the belt or the beatings.
@k.g.1698
23 күн бұрын
So trauma is what happens when you have no one to help you up, makes so much sense.
@kathleenwharton2139
10 ай бұрын
Thank You for this wonderful explanation! It helps me understand me better! 😊❤
@Aggressivehippy
2 ай бұрын
I come from a very unstable life, Abortion Survivor, life on the street, and lots of prison ! In 2018, i was alone and was mauled and left disable, this 6 years ago, and I cant get my life to work, no one was there for me, and still, I am alone and really struggling !
@alixbmacey
Ай бұрын
@aggresivehippy - I’m so sorry to read this. So much trauma with no foundation of safety will surely lead to the self sabotage of your life in order to protect yourself, leading to a perpetual cycle. I hope you are, or at least can get to a place where you can seek some help with the right therapist. It sounds like you may not be in a financial position for this to happen. But in my experience when you get to a place psychologically where you really, truly want to get the help then the right situations will present themselves to you for that to be able to happen. But I believe one really has to want it. I’m not saying you have a victim mentality but we’re all victims in these cases, we’ve just got to stop wanting to be one. You will get there. I wish you every ounce of happiness and peace. ❤️🩹
@kellyswindell9998
2 ай бұрын
May I thank you for your insight. Never knew it was not the event it is the response.! ❤
@astrosdiva86
10 ай бұрын
Adoptees experience trauma when they are separated from their mothers, even at birth. They are not given a choice of how to react to the abandonment.
@angelicaverbroekken9728
3 ай бұрын
It is really hard when (almost) nobody is there at that time so you are alone or when people cannot help you. So it gets big.
@oftengone
Жыл бұрын
I was not even there for myself in the face of trauma 🙁. I’m fr tweaking.
@mmatheson3144
6 ай бұрын
Fantastic book and great topic
@evek2501
10 ай бұрын
And when the trauma and unsafely is your parents.... then good luck and god speed in healing. It's time to put yourself first and prioritize YOU.
@AchievingIndifference
Күн бұрын
This is why sexual abuse is so traumatizing as a child because of the shame and embarrassment and thinking that it is your fault you don't tell anyone for 30 years. You grow up not having anyone to help you through it or deal with it because instead of telling someone you've suppressed it as if it never happened.
@alimccreery755
2 ай бұрын
I’ve been traumatized ever since I was born and the trauma included what was being done to me so I’m not sure I agree with trauma not being the event. I believe it’s a combination of both action and response.
@stevenjbeto
Жыл бұрын
Too often the person occupying the space, “Who is there for you?” Takes the side of the dog.
@calizero8503
Жыл бұрын
Yes. The ultimate betrayal.
@1AlexanderCole
4 ай бұрын
My childhood comfort always came from the animals even though I had severe allergic reactions. I remember being in a bathtub of cool water submerged except my nose and mouth out trying to control the hives, sneezing, itching, difficulty breathing and my mom came in nonchalantly said “did you pet a cat?” I gasped “uh huh” she said “was it worth it?” I gasped again “uh huh” and she left. I didn’t know for many years how life threatening my allergic reactions had been. Still worth it and actually I’m glad because somehow my immune system finally adjusted and I live happily with my cats and no reactions to them!
@robynhope219
8 ай бұрын
I wish it was just a dog bite...I had 16 yrs of parental abuse and neglect😢
@r.rishav_12
Жыл бұрын
Trauma..... What's that ? The experience of trauma is really unimaginable.
@rhoni-Bin
7 күн бұрын
What's the doctors name, please? I'd like to listen to more of his videos.
@The-Well
5 күн бұрын
This speaker’s name is Bessel van der Kolk!
@rhoni-Bin
5 күн бұрын
@@The-Well thank you so much!!!
@soumyaripan5131
Жыл бұрын
Sadly I feel this 😔
@The-Well
Жыл бұрын
Hugs.
@soumyaripan5131
Жыл бұрын
@@The-Well 🫂
@olivermatias2349
4 ай бұрын
🙏
@leahbenson8916
2 ай бұрын
Yes, trauma is something overwhelming that happens to you that you can't make sense of. But unlike this dude's explanation, it is still a trauma if you figure out how to make sense of it or someone helps you make sense of it. In that case, it's just not something that turns into PTSD. The trauma is not "how you respond to it," it IS THE EVENT. That's where this guy goes off the rails. Trauma is the thing that happened. End of story. How you respond is someting else all together. His narrative is bunk.
@ddt7
2 ай бұрын
my parents never liked me.
@CypressWhyman
10 ай бұрын
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
@fionam3735
2 ай бұрын
No one was there for me
@superlibbyanne
11 ай бұрын
I respond horribly! Lol
@onemanmob6756
Жыл бұрын
That all?
@The-Well
Жыл бұрын
You can watch the full video here! kzitem.info/news/bejne/u4GXnYqVpohpn20
@Callummullans
7 ай бұрын
Take stance and stand firm. The flesh stores tension and stress which can lead to temptation and so exercise and dating can help. Exercises such as stretching and cardio. Read the Bible and meditate on it.
@Diana-sr8th
7 ай бұрын
What if your childhood sexual trauma doesn't upset you at all...? It should right?
@1AlexanderCole
4 ай бұрын
That is not an easy one. On one hand, what kind of person wouldn’t be outraged at child sexual abuse? On the other, how much better does it make your life to not feel that? Without being too graphic, some of the worst events in my life don’t really upset me at all and I’m a little ashamed of that but I’ll take it because I have so much trauma that does bother me to deal with.
@Diana-sr8th
4 ай бұрын
@@1AlexanderCole Exactly. I couldn't have said it better. And are we ashamed of it not bothering us because "society says it should"...it's so confusing to me.
@TempermentalTart
Жыл бұрын
So trauma is the inability to cope with an event?
@anotherone3666
Жыл бұрын
It's what happens after an event you were not ready for happens.
@anushreenair6241
10 ай бұрын
He doesn't mean it to be your response to the event. He means the response of the so called support system you have(your parents, siblings,friends etc) If that response is compassionate and accurate, you will learn to respond to such situations better without it causing any lasting damage on your psyche. Your fall back mechanism has to be fool proof.
@MicahScottPnD
8 ай бұрын
Sometimes example is everything.
@alienvisitor131
Жыл бұрын
I don't agree
@SameAsAnyOtherStranger
Жыл бұрын
If comment on the human condition can fit into one KZitem short, then they are assuming everyone is the same. Everyone is effected in different degrees by impactful events. In this video it's assumed everyone deals with the shock of trauma by seeking a way to be nurtured. Top extreme sports athletes use the experience of a bad fall immediately afterwards to increase their focus and not let pain become a bad experience by trying to do what caused them the shock while still in somewhat of a state of shock.
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