Conflict presents an acute risk to the safety of relationships with avoidants. Avoidants need to stay in control and, however unconsciously, giving ground for them would upset the balance of power, which can be too torturous a position. They find it very hard to think like a team as they innately view this as dangerously giving up part of themselves. While they may believe they want relationships in theory, in practice they experience regular aversion to their partner - no stronger than when inevitably faced with issues or forced to confront emotions, which means they are much more at risk of walking away. Partners often sense this, which creates a problematic power imbalance in conflict, when both are not showing up with equal desire to move towards resolutions and to make the relationship work as a team. In relationships, withdrawing from conflict is also a subconscious distancing strategy. Conflicts are often left unresolved because the resolution itself often brings a couple closer together - a scenario that, however unconsciously, the avoidant person wants to avoid. Failure to negotiate is a strategy to block intimacy.
@nataliel2149
Ай бұрын
I like that you started the ‘what to do’ with what the avoidant can do 😊sometimes it feels like a lot of videos are about what the partner or ex of an avoidant can do
@phoenixinertia
Ай бұрын
This video came out just in time for me... how odd, yet serendipitous
@chericeprsn7674
Ай бұрын
Good morning, Thais. Can your team make a video about Aspergers being mistaken as Avoidants?
@TheOnlyLila
Ай бұрын
Ohhhh that would be a good video. I can fully understand how the the two could be confused.
@michellekalski8823
Ай бұрын
Yes!
@CatsAreTheBestPeople-mm1fo
Ай бұрын
Yes, excellent request.
@yanamclaughlin1644
Ай бұрын
Omg this But you can definitely be both btw
@chericeprsn7674
Ай бұрын
@yanamclaughlin1644 I think I have a Aspie Fearful Avoidant on my hands. I feel like I'm about to go insane.
@jonqualey2204
Ай бұрын
One of the viewers requested a video about Asperger's syndrome being mistaken as avoidant attachment. I think this a very good request and an important subject. I am 59 years old. About 20 years ago I started to believe I had Asperger's (but never professionally diagnosed). One of my relatives in my parent's generation even commented that based on my behavior as a child, they thought I had Asperger's. After a series of troubled and failed relationships in my life, I started to read books and subscribe to KZitem channels about attachment theory. The description of a dismissive avoidant fits me perfectly right down the middle. But which am I ? Asperger's or dismissive avoidant, or both ? Are they related ? Are they one in the same but diagnosed from different perspectives ? I would like know. Thais, if you are reading, please address this subject matter. Also, thank you for the work you do on this channel. What I have learned here has turned my life around. Better late than never.
@lanarodrigues1974
Ай бұрын
Hello, I am not a therapist, but perhaps the "Asperger" you are refering to might be what we called today as level 1 autism. Do some research on it and see if it makes sense to your case. Asperger Syndrom is an outdated nomeclature for it.
@cherl3769
Ай бұрын
This is so helpful. Thank you.
@Dr.NoorMoussawi
29 күн бұрын
Your videos are amazing. Every word so packed with great educational information. You are so lovely to learn from. Thank you so much for these videos 🌸🙏🏻
@Tbahama
Ай бұрын
Been NC for three months with a girl that I dated for five months. Her previous relationship from a few years back was a two year on and off again long distance relationship with a guy who would cheat on her. Everything was going good up until the night that I met her younger brother. Literally the next day there was a shift and within a few weeks she discarded me. After learning about avoidants, it all makes sense.
@CeeP211
Ай бұрын
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
@user-tz1hl3pf2w
Ай бұрын
@tbahama what does it have to do with the brother?
@EternalLove.1111
Ай бұрын
How come me and DA have been on and off for 2 yrs....but I remember the first 3 months we got sooo close and he deactivated many times ..but now I see him once every 2 weeks and he semms he is doing well but I am also distancing myself bc he may end it at any time
@Vincent_N89
Ай бұрын
Thanks for your videos Thais
@BobbyJCox
Ай бұрын
My on-again off-again DA female partner literally fulfills my every relationship need in the first 4 months we rekindle. The only time she doesn’t is when she detaches and “swears nothing is wrong” until she initiates a break up after flaw finding at around the six month mark. I just learned that she’s a DA (And subsequently learned my own abandonment core wound as an SA) after this most recent break up. It’s been three months and the communication is picking back up like it always does. This woman is my person and I know it in my heart. What do I do to move forward successfully here in out?
@moonlight9333
11 күн бұрын
Make her conscious of everything you just said
@BB-ct4dt
Ай бұрын
Do these same priciples apply for friendships?
@Gabriel-ws2ez
Ай бұрын
Yes it does because we look at friendships the same way as we would with a partner. Even though the friends are dating it's still the same.
@BB-ct4dt
Ай бұрын
@@Gabriel-ws2ez My question was not about a dating relationship, it was about same sex friends.
@Gabriel-ws2ez
Ай бұрын
@@BB-ct4dt it is with also with friends too, there are many things that happen between friends as a relationship they can even have the same effects on family as well. Fighting, getting into a disagreement seeing how the other one reacts. Arguing, feelings for the person any kind of problem.
@MrSamIAm39
Ай бұрын
Crazy land
@ruthr8990
Ай бұрын
Thais you have a beautiful face with big eyes. I think your original face without any make up, especially the eyebrows, would be more beautiful and natural. There is no need to highlight something that is already your strength and beauty!
@SunshineAndSnowflakes
Ай бұрын
I'm guessing she likes the way she looks or she wouldn't put herself together that way. She's stunning just as she is.
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