Hi Abel, as the new woman in their dad's life, something else I've found that helps is I do nothing negative towards my WH's daughter and as his wife, I support him being a father and grandfather. Especially with his older daughter, I found this to work well because as the relationship has progressed and she realized there was nothing negative to say about me as a person, it helped her to separate associating me with her grief.
@DatingaWidower
2 жыл бұрын
Love this. Thanks for sharing, Christine.
@alansevern6922
2 жыл бұрын
Happy to say that my daughters welcomed my GF to our annual family gathering.
@mishvizesi
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing, that's encouraging (I hope to be welcomed also) and I'm happy for you :)
@mammamia8882
2 жыл бұрын
Hey Abel, Oh, how I love the topic, I lived it!
@mammamia8882
2 жыл бұрын
This is great news, thank you Abel.
@barbaraquinn-rodriguez9758
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve been living this for almost 12 years!!!
@carrielaura2280
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve been with my widower boyfriend for 5 years now. His late wife passed away over 6 1/2 years ago. His daughters are still very cold, stand off-ish and sometimes even rude towards me. He seems to be quite frustrated and torn, as he continues to coddle and enable their controlling behavior. He always invites me to come over & join his family functions, but I have finally stopped going/joining in on them because it’s so uncomfortable being ignored, feeling like a “ghost” and like they really wished I wasn’t there anyways. They all go to his house up north for every Memorial Weekend, 4th of July Weekend and Labor Day weekend, which he has had for 30 some years & they had always went as a family. Because it is stressful enough for me to even spend/get through a day, or evening function with them, I don’t go up north on those holiday weekends. He always invites me up & wants me to come, but knowing & understanding how his kids are towards me & why I don’t go up north for those weekends, in 5 years he has never planned or tried to have even one of those holiday weekends with me (for the 2 of us). He seems to continuously put their guilt trips & controlling behavior over me & “us” because he starts feeling guilty & is so so afraid of their drama & guilt techniques. Over & over again, I and we are pushed aside and last in line.
@carrielaura2280
2 жыл бұрын
He keeps telling me that he is working hard on all of this & things are “getting better” and to please be patient, but other than him sounding so very sweet & believable, I haven’t seen much actual concrete change at all. Any suggestions?
@donnebonne
2 жыл бұрын
5 years that you will never get back is long enough for you to waste on this man. You will never be any younger than you are right now. He knows you'll put up with it. So you have to make a choice to fish or cut bait. I personally wouldn't tolerate. A man is to leave his family and cleave to his wife. They won't change until he does
@susansmith9318
Жыл бұрын
Carrie ,sorry you're having to deal with this. He definitely needs to set boundaries with these adult selfish children. I'm a widow for 5 years now and I've told my grown children that I have a life dating again. They are respectful to me and all three kids said I just want you to be happy and go on with life. Your boyfriend's children sound very spoiled and it's very sad they don't want their dad to be happy. He needs to put you first and quit allowing them to control. Good luck!
@LaL-xr2tm
2 ай бұрын
The kids are not selfish. They had a mother, you are nothing to them. Plan for those weekends with your kids/ family. You likely get to spend more time with him than they do, let them have the holidays. They predate your relationship, they are his kids, he needs to be there with him. You are choosing to be resentful and you want him to pick you over his literal flesh and blood. You are no better than you are accusing the kids of being.
@TerriStryhal
10 ай бұрын
I am dating a qonderful widower for 2 1/2 years. I have scarcely had a pleasant word from his daughter and son-in-law. The grandkids like me, however. My boyfriend and i sometimes get them for the evening and i am thankful things gave gone very well. My patience is running thin with the adult daughter and her husband. I am tired of being shunned and given the cold shoulder, or having very clipped "polite" behavior directed toward me (in other words, just enough to not be called out but not genuine, zero warmth) i feel like a fool putting up with this, and tired of being the only one making an effort. I am, for my own mental health, thinking of bowing out of most of the events where i see the daughter and her husband because i am tired of the disrespect. However, i realize that she will think she has won, and perhaps she will indeed win. I love my boyfriend, but i also love myself. I wish i understood why this behavior is so common and considered "normal." there is nothing normal about cruelty. I am constantly second guessing myself, thinking i did something wrong, and have sunk into a bit of depression. I don't know how to be okay with this.
@LaL-xr2tm
2 ай бұрын
So it is okay for you to force your children to choose but it is unfair for them to ask you the inverse? Your kids should take precidents you cant replace them. You dont care that having to watch your relationship is physically and psychologically painful for them. My bet is with your first time you had 1 on 1 time with your kids, but now this new woman is around you are unwilling to? So the kids get to lose a mother and then be bumped down your priority list when you decide to replace the first wife. Your kids our your future. While some of the stories work out you should share the ones where children never speak to their parent again so people know the risks that come with your advice to.
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