Before this review, I accidentally blocked out the sun with this thing.
Mr. Burns would be proud.
Packaging
The irritating thing about plastic packaging is how obnoxiously loud it is. You'll never be able to nosh on a midnight snack like Sam Fisher on a rooftop without being busted. If you even attempt it, you'll be more screwed than Solid Snake stepping in front of a projector during a PMC meet-n-greet. It may seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, it ain't. I've actually been working on my own stealth skills for the past five years. Crawling on the kitchen floor to avoid grease fires, dodging raindrops like bullets, and consuming massive amounts of PowerBars to build muscle. The latter isn't going very well. I weigh 115 pounds and I'm 6 feet tall. Do you have any idea how freakish my shadow looks? It's impossible to see unless the moon is in just the right position. A position that only happens once every decade. That's not to say being skinny doesn't have it's advantages. For example, I can become invisible just by turning sideways. If somebody is out to get me because I stole John Cadbury's last chocolate bar recipe, I can evade capture by seemingly disappearing into thin air. This power could also be used for various nefarious deeds as well. If I wanted to, I could slide between the cracks of a factory floor and travel in the pipes below. From here, the entire warehouse is my oyster. Maybe I could finally get the world's first life size bobblehead created. I'm tried of being screwed over by the rubber neck miniature industry. All I want is a bust of Barbra Streisand's noggin that I can sing duets with. It'd be even better if they created a Frank Sinatra version. Sigh, perhaps all this is just a silly pipe dream. Surely I can't be the only person who wants a figure of "Ol' Blue Eyes" on their desk. And if I am, I truly fear for our future.
Night And Day.
Taste, Texture, and Consistency.
This thing was surprisingly difficult to bite. Because there were pecan chunks everywhere, aiming my mouth at the right angle proved to be a painful task. I basically had to dislocate my jaw like a snake to get a solid grip in this thing. That said, once I did sink my chompers into it, I was in heaven. This is the breakfast of champions. Fruit, milk, and nuts. Everything you need to start your day off right. It's a heck of a lot better than my usual breakfast, which consists of shame and ice water. I actually couldn't finish the whole thing, so I had to hang my head in defeat and refrigerate it. It's not my fault, the beast was just too much for me. I tried to fight it, oh HOW I TRIED. But in the end, it bested me. I'm mature enough to know when to take something on the chin. You may have won this round, you brown beast, but I shall return.
Stronger.
Hungrier.
Braver.
Conclusion.
An awesome creation by the guys over at Illinois Nut and Candy. Anything that brings me to my knees like this treat is no joke. Pick one up!
Twitter: / sirhorseface
Негізгі бет The Monster Taffy Apple. [Sir Sebastian]
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