There's something about you Shane I can't just wrap my head around, I listen to every sentence that comes from your mouth without skipping a word. Your style of communication is amazing, keep up the good work...
@shane.melaugh
Ай бұрын
Thank you for your kind words!
@mariesnyder1313
Ай бұрын
Excellent metaphor to understand how we get stuck with emotions, and how the new-fangled ways we've found to "regulate" emotions is often just another way to avoid them.
@ernstfall5235
Ай бұрын
My first thoughts, triggered by this excellent episode: 1) in order to process emotions, first they have to be disentangled from my ego 2) Introspection to my emotions entails the risk of feeding somehow my ego 3) So when exploring my troubling feelings, I should rather focus on those aspects that are beyond my ego (i.e. things that are beyond my control, feasibility and desires, such as the unknown, mysterious, ambiguous and imperfect).
@shane.melaugh
Ай бұрын
Ooh, that's good! Indeed, ego can interfere in this process a lot. The way I think of it is that it's a form of resistance. Ego basically comes up with reasons not to feel the feelings, to deny the feelings etc. Ego is very caught up in the stories about what you should and shouldn't feel and what emotions mean about your worth and status.
@ernstfall5235
Ай бұрын
@@shane.melaugh I completely agree with your description. Deprogramming yourself is an arduous process that never ends.
@psychitsjames5302
Ай бұрын
Great video mate. Well said & very clear. Certainly motivates me to open up to any and all emotions
@shane.melaugh
Ай бұрын
Thank you!
@maritamatzk
Ай бұрын
Hey Shane, what a helpful analogy! My question: How do you deal with emotions in public? The sharing/acting part of it. There is all this judgement and negative impact if you respond to emotions to a degree which is considered unnormal for a grown adult. If you happen to experience emotions strongly and show it, you risk to lose trust, chances and the feeling of the group that "you belong". If you decide to mask your emotional response in order to fit in, your sushi tray may clutter up to an extent which is unmanageable at the end of each day. Even worse, you may lose your own feeling of belonging and your ability to connect, because you are constantly hiding parts of real you in the shame closet. Thinking neurodiversity - people are processing stuff differently, for various reasons - but we still judge on a concept of "normal". Esp. when it comes to emotions. Obviously there is a lot said on this topic e.g. in the ADHD and autism communities. Do you have a take on it? Always find your thoughts very concise & helpful - thanks for sharing!
@shane.melaugh
Ай бұрын
This is a great question! I think to answer it, we have to consider two different time scales. On a short time scale (minutes, hours, sometimes days), it is often reasonable and necessary to not open every box that comes along. You make a choice like: I'm not going to engage with this feeling of sadness right now because I'm at work and so I'll focus on getting my work done instead. We thankfully have the ability to do this and then properly process our emotions at a more suitable moment. On a longer time scale, I personally choose to be able to honestly express and process my emotions more often than not. Which is to say: if I can't process something RIGHT NOW, in a specific social setting, that's not an issue. But if my life circumstances are such that my conveyor belt gets cluttered up with all kinds of stuff at a rapid rate and I never have the opportunity to process it and I can't even be honest about it to anyone? That's a problem that needs to be solved. Meaning: yes, work is going to be stressful sometimes, but it should not be an endless torrent of stress. A relationship will come with conflict and friction, but it should not be constant conflict. And friends will not always be available to receive me, but if I generally don't have people in my life around whom I can be myself, those aren't friends and I need to find/make some. Personally, I prioritize authenticity. That means some people will be put off, but in my experience, the vast majority of people respond in kind. Most people want authentic, real connection in their lives, they're just scared and don't know how to initiate it. And they're only trying so hard to fit in and hiding their true selves because that's what they perceive everyone else to be doing.
@maritamatzk
Ай бұрын
@@shane.melaugh Yay thanks. You distilled it to the core distinction: Occasional stress & emotion management vs. ill-fitting life circumstances. If they cause nonstop emotional clutter-drowning, circumstances need to be tackled. I love it! Sorry for the late answer Shane and thanks for taking the time!
@herbertwalde
Ай бұрын
Thank you! What about thoughts coming up while feeling the package: What to do with them?
@shane.melaugh
Ай бұрын
That's a good question. For me, thoughts and imagery come along with the feelings and I try to just stay present to whatever is unfolding. Thoughts have this captivating quality though, where we can get carried away by them. What I find helpful is to rest my attention mainly in the physical sensations in my body, to avoid getting carried away in thought tangents.
@saulsink
Ай бұрын
How do you process angriness like irritation or so?
@shane.melaugh
Ай бұрын
Two things that work really well for me: 1) Write about it. Write down how you feel and let whatever thoughts come up spill out onto the page. 2) Just feel the anger in your body without responding to it. Which includes noticing when it feels like you need to shout and scream, but not doing that. You're just observing how the thing moves in your body. That's it.
@ildikohaag7606
18 күн бұрын
@@shane.melaugh what works really well for me is to allow myself to imagine 'doing' whatever the anger /frustration wants to do... eg. stomping (through the galaxies), throwing (the planets), screaming, biting, punching, kicking, squeezing, tearing, roaring etc... In the safe space of my imagination I chopped heads off, and allowed any and every kind of taboo ways of dealing with this very powerful emotion... nothing is visible or harmful to others (and/or to me), and the energy has room to be huge and to move and complete its cycle... I have a lot of fun with this, but it was very challenging to 'dare' to do this... I needed courage to give myself permission, but now I'm so used to it and I love holding space to my clients as well... At first, they usually respond with this beautiful, innocent, childlike disbelief, "Really?" "Is this safe?" "Is this okay?" ... but then as I hold the safe space and provide the encouragement, they experience so much genuine relief and freedom state... It seems that it irritates the emotions when they are thwarted and squashed into tight spaces, and are not invited to exist in their true reality, not allowed to move, to be 'who they really are', not seen for their 'heart', their benevolent essence...
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