I really needed this video, at this point in time. I've been isolating myself, regularly- in order to appear "well", when I do interact with others... All, while feeling more alone and empty, than ever.
@carlasullivan3637
6 жыл бұрын
Jennifer Close I'm doing this too. For the last 2 1/2 years I only leave my house for food and see my Dr. once a month. I don't have any friends or family anymore. My son is my only motivation to live. And he's going to move out soon. He's a great person but I know I'm driving him crazy unintentionally of course. I don't know what to do.
@GypsyTarot
5 жыл бұрын
I'm the same as you. I prefer to isolate myself so I don't have to try and deal with things that may come up quickly.
@bethanyrose8956
5 жыл бұрын
Yes I did this for years!!! Do I still do it?! Probably a bit
@sarahs413
4 жыл бұрын
@@carlasullivan3637 I'm seeing that you posted this a year ago, so I'm wondering how you're doing at this point, and if anyone answered you when this was a search for someone to help as I read the "I don't know what to do." I'm looking in the comments and maybe I'm just missing the lack of one in here, so I'm wondering if ANYONE helped you with the "I don't know what to do." There are some times that when I tell people "I don't know how" or "I don't know what to do," and I just get no response or support when that's a statement, at least for me, looking for SOMEONE to help give me some support or direction. Usually, in a healthy environment, someone gives me at least SOME kind of help with what to do. It's like, "Am I on a game o Jeopardy where I have to form everything as a question?" -- Which I just noticed I just made that question in the form of a question (a sie giggle t myself, which I have done for years and am now wondering if that's just a defense mechanism or a coping mechanism -- hell if I know). I got off topic -- sorry about that -- Back to noticing that statement of "I don't know what to do" really "hit home" with me and wondering how this (obvious to me) search for a response SOME kind of tips or tools was ever provided for you and seriously wondering how it is right now -- a year after you made your comment. Take care!
@NS-uq9st
4 жыл бұрын
@@GypsyTarot same here
@suterfire
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you for showing so much compassion
@sarahs413
4 жыл бұрын
I feel the same way! (I'm almost wondering if I'm getting annoying with all the responses I've been making.' Recently diagnosed with full BPD and ALL the knowledge and someone FINALLY a relief from Dr. Fox with insight and NOT taking things personally, it's AMAZING.
@kazijamisima
3 жыл бұрын
It comes with a price though.🧐😅
@suterfire
3 жыл бұрын
@@kazijamisima so true!
@Sayurichyan
4 жыл бұрын
Every time I try to avoid an argument, my mother would "pin" me in place emotionally, forcing me to have to fight, which ends up in shouting and crying.
@tessjones5987
6 жыл бұрын
I am very triggered by one family member. When it gets overwhelming I say "Please Forgive me I need to take a walk" I than get away from the situation and I get out my audio recorder and say what I am feeling. When I listen back to it I can see it is the same trigger over and over but I would not have seen the trigger if I had not done this process. I used to have no embodiement I was a servant and always in the other persons body trying to anticipate their needs. I am so much better. But this process has helped me not always be in sabotaging rage and loosing relationships.
@1985bjaycat
5 жыл бұрын
Hey that's a really intetesting idea. Maybe I will try that. Thanks for sharing that
@joanofarc1470
3 жыл бұрын
Very helpful
@spereira2894
3 жыл бұрын
I love this idea!! Gives you ample time to calm down AND reflect! And also hear your tone and how much you were effected by it etc. Soo much GOLD here!
@miamiamodemachine1260
6 жыл бұрын
Your videos are the most helpful I have ever watched. Thank you so much for your good work. Keep it up please!
@Seekyourtruth777
5 жыл бұрын
Very grateful I found your channel . My mother was diagnosed Bi polar and Borderline it’s very challenging and I’m at the point I cant have a relationship with her any longer . It’s truly sad :-( and painful for us all .
@lesleydye9621
4 жыл бұрын
I can't imagine how hard it must be for you I luckily have got bpd not both but please try and get help and stick to the relationship because you only have one mum and one day hopefully when she's old she won't be there when my mum died it was like half of me was gone you can never get her back I will never be like I was when I had mum this is what brought my bpd to a head I know it must be very very hard but she will always be your mum at the end of the day lots of love
@jennylynnculbertson9086
Жыл бұрын
Please know she'd do anything to be different and that its not anything you did ever. I hate myself for being a bpd mother I always knew something was wrong but only jyst got diagnosed All the meds and all didn't work because I wasn't being treated for bpd. But everything else. I know I'm so hard And it hurts me so so so much to try to keep a distance from my daughter now that she's in college because I know one of my stupid moves could derail her I know she is better off with me at arms length. It's horrible knowing she probably feels I just am not interested but I know I'd end up to dependant on her if too close And I've lashed out at her tooooo many times Being understood is the only thing that helps. Understanding doesn't take the damage done away, I know. We'd not be here If we knew it wouldn't hurt our babies. It's a very torturing life. I'm so sorry you grew up this way. My mom was too..so I know both sides of it. Wich makes it 100x worse. Pls know she'd trade her brain any day if it meant not hurting anyone again.
@estherpennington7826
4 жыл бұрын
I've found that many times when I'm over reacting, I am actually hungry. That's a big one
@DrDanielFox
4 жыл бұрын
Good insight!!
@baconology3065
4 жыл бұрын
I just posted a comment that you have to recognize HANGRY, good call.
@raylaughlan5324
3 жыл бұрын
It’s funny because people with bpd are usually childlike, and that’s such a baby-like thing to do haha start screaming/crying because they want food but don’t know a better way to express it 😂😂
@MachinaGirlRobots
3 жыл бұрын
@@raylaughlan5324 We are childlike???
@annerittwage1401
2 жыл бұрын
That's crazy.. Last time I was at a party I was hangry, had coffee earlier that day (can't handle caffeine), didn't sleep well the night before and just took a brisk walk before doing drugs with friends of which one of them I have a complicated relationship with. Of course I am going to be completely outrageous, paranoid, hypomanic and nuts.
@tobiahtoviyahgoodnessof349
4 жыл бұрын
I'm crying like a baby learning all of this Knowledge awareness and help Has finally surfaced in my life. Thank You beyond any words. Love and kindest of regards
@zoltancsepreghy1
4 жыл бұрын
I always emphasize in family therapies, that alcohol abuse is not the cause of the problem, but the CONSEQUENCE! Nobody becomes an alcoholic out of fun.
@benjones1452
3 жыл бұрын
This resource is so important/accessible for those of us who are embarking on a "new" way to handle our issues. The practical aspect is also very usefully explained - trigger -> calming image.
@mrmoveandspeak558
3 жыл бұрын
Assertive avoidance is my new favorite term. Thank you Dr fox for your informative videos
@DrKMac02
6 жыл бұрын
what if a person selectively removes herself from your life, for reasons you stated or because you’ve hurt them acting out, but it’s someone you love deeply, like a sister?? Pain level is enormous. Guilt, regret, shame, grief. definitely doesnt help fix the Borderlinne issues you’re already fighting every day.
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
Work on those issues, get yourself to a place you can appreciate and love yourself, then engage in repairing those relationships. Start with you first. I am impressed with your insight. Stay strong!
@bethanyrose8956
5 жыл бұрын
I needed to hear daniels answer to this, thanks for this question Karen!
@duderanch18237
4 жыл бұрын
Had to do that with my ex girlfriend. She has BPD... I tried everything I could do to emotionally support her for a couple months after we broke up. She went out of her way to make me jealous / hurt me by talking about people she was dating / sleeping with. She would throw me random bones so I could validate her on a bad day or be an emotional crutch. And then she started to ask for money. All the while dating someone else. Broke my heart when I finally cut her off. I know and she knows I was always trying to help with her BPD and be understanding. And she used and used and used me (for what I think was to keep me around, after she dumped me she even stated that I was the best thing to ever happen to her and that she couldn't live without me). But, she had to dump me because she didn't want to hurt me; she continued to do so after the breakup as tried to be some form of stability for her (people with BPD desperately need stability). I loved her and still do. It breaks my heart too because it must've hurt her enormously. It sucks that it had to come to "enough is enough." She just didn't get it. I wonder if she ever still thinks about me. I had to go no contact 4 weeks ago.
@kimsherlock8969
3 жыл бұрын
I have removed myself from the judgement Falsehoods of my siblings. The crunch came with mental deterioration of 90 plus Mother. 2 of her 3 children in document can decide for her, at this stage of her dementia I was pushed aside , lied to and cruelly treated. I am now powerless to think for mother kindly.
@llhpark
6 жыл бұрын
Refreshingly clinical. IQ friendly for those who might feel the challenge of having to demonstrate their own capacity of self reflection in contrast to comprehension. Speaking to topics with the assumed expectation that everyone who might sit at the table possesses a minimum of tools to make use of the information says far less about your assumptions here that it does about an implied criteria for which the balls can get rolling. Well done.
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you very much!! :)
@curiousfiend1169
6 жыл бұрын
I've begun asking myself, when noticing anxiety triggered, "can I breath?", while focusing on doing so.
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
Great, keep it up!!
@elishasburke2349
3 жыл бұрын
@@DrDanielFox great videos helped me to understand what has been going wrong with life and keep making the same mistakes over
@jacquelinejorgensen6914
5 жыл бұрын
This is just brilliant! Dr. D you are a sweetheart for sharing this freely. I realise how I have intuitively done much of this in my family system. It gives me a winderful sense of having inner resources. God bless
@bretmaples
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much Dr. Fox, you have no idea how much I appreciate the information I'm getting from you.
@LifeAfterNarc
5 жыл бұрын
Very interesting, as the scapegoat child, I only see my Dad about once a year now due to distance and since my divorce from my narcissist ex-husband I have lost 45 lbs. My Dad always finds something to criticize me for and it had been my weight during the most recent years but since he couldn't pick on that he had to remark on the coke I was drinking, how bad it was for me etc. I'm 60 years old lol....But seriously, I think he is the reason I didn't realize for 14 years that my ex-husband was abusive. I was just conditioned from birth to ignore or turn a blind ear to it.
@realhealing7802
3 жыл бұрын
Me too. My dad's criticism drove me crazy. I could never do anything right
@victoriasage7
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah Dr. Ramani says if your dad was Narcissistic, you’re going to have at least one Narcissistic relationship as an adult, and if you’re lucky, you don’t marry them…
@kristenfisher926
6 жыл бұрын
So glad I found your channel. I have bpd and can’t find anyone who understands it. Or a dr that will understand medication DOES NOT work . So now I watch your video for tips.
@neilthornely9713
2 жыл бұрын
I'm coming off mirtazipine after being on various meds for about ten years, couldn't agree with this more. Nothing touches the sides because the core is broken.
@JonEricGurian
5 жыл бұрын
thank you for helping me understand me
@miguelhernandez9598
5 жыл бұрын
Dr. Fox...you have got to be the leading expert on NPD and BPD in the world. Your knowledge and insight into this difficult complex conditions is amazing and your treatment suggestions are so helpful and important that I truly believe I can overcome something that I was not even familiar with before I started watching your videos. God bless you doctor and please please keep it coming.
@nobodynowhere5213
5 жыл бұрын
I always get the Mr Mackey mmkay vibe from him :) As he constantly pauses and says okay.
@watcherwlc53
4 жыл бұрын
they both remind me of various patient male teachers I've known over the years.
@bananafanafoferry6970
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for posting these very helpful and informative videos. I was just recently diagnosed with BPD and your channel reminds me that what I’m living with is very real and not something I can deal with on my own. ♥️
@claudinebraga7105
4 жыл бұрын
This was very helpful. I was searching for this very content and was surprised by how relevant this talk was for me. My difficulty is that while dealing with the isolation of Covid-19, I am reverting to thoughts of abandonment and rejection and this is triggering depression. Please do post your worksheets and thanks.
@maryelizabeth8397
3 жыл бұрын
I just discovered your channel last week, and I’m so thankful I did. You have a gift and thank you so much for sharing it with us. Keep up the great work!
@GypsyTarot
5 жыл бұрын
I'm a quiet BL and " The Avoider " and " the Enabler " as a child. I always tried very hard to keep the peace what ever it took. I've learned very well how to shut off instantly there is any conflicts.... I can't handle arguments in any environment. I can even go to my safe place in my bed if I'm able to.
@dawngartner1185
4 жыл бұрын
I love the way you can identify and verbalize all of this! You are very understandable and make the fixes applicable.
@OzarksOracle
2 жыл бұрын
Thank u so much Dr. Fox! I understand now why I never feel supported when I try to implement changes.
@DrDanielFox
2 жыл бұрын
You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.
@Bard420
4 жыл бұрын
At the begginning, I often find myself switching between the first three. On one hand, I'm the crucible. On the other, I'm the one keeping things ok. And when I act out, I'm the rebel. Like wtf. I'm trying to become my own person though. And Dr. D, I would like to share a coping skill I think would help people with BPD that are struggling in finding a sense of self. I think it's important to stress the fact that loving yourself and putting yourself first is important. Because when you're doing what everyone else wants you too, even if you don't want too, you're hurting yourself in the process. But there's a coping skill I've come across that has helped me find an identity in my own life. I pretended like I was writing a character for a book, and I applied myself to the pages. I wrote down all the traits I want to have, all the traits I would love to have, and started to apply them to real life. It's very difficult to integrate, but I've found it's helped me a ton with learning to trust and love myself.
@doreenplischke7645
5 жыл бұрын
Continuously as I watch your clips I am being flash backed and taken back into my past, family of origin and than marriage. Omg
@curiousfiend1169
6 жыл бұрын
Very helpful information, thank you. I'm really keen to try your worksheets, that is, once you've got it sorted. I read your comment about issues with uploading.
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
Ruinous Fiend thanks for understanding
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
The worksheet is posted at: www.drdfox.com/worksheets thanks for your patience.
@silka9187
3 жыл бұрын
@@DrDanielFox Lol you changed Corious Fiend to Rurious Fiend. Lol thanks for posting.
@lolaklloyd3053
5 жыл бұрын
My family don't speak to me. They pray for me. I am not what they hoped, wanted or they don't know how to handle what I've become. So no one talks to me. If I call or reach out, it's very superficial If I changed (became like them) I would be in their inner circle. My brother was angry and cynical AND depressed.When he lost his girlfriend he committed suicide. No one in my family cared- at all. What am I supposed to do with that?
@1985bjaycat
5 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry you're going through so much.
@MrUtube2005
5 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much Dr! This content helped me become a lot more self aware and comfortable in what I believe to be my own role! Extremely wise advice here.
@DrDanielFox
5 жыл бұрын
+MrUtube2005 thank you!
@melissachinnici
5 жыл бұрын
Wow this one was intense. How family members or whoever anticipate your role, and want to enable or antagonize you for wanting to do better and being non reactive to certain stimuli. I encounter this a lot. But I every time I do, I make it a point to prove them wrong. In the long run, your strength to not react negatively in any stressful situation pays off and the ones who really matter and know you are not your mental illness will see that and respect your efforts to change. But this journey is hard and definitely can't happen overnight.
@doreenplischke7645
5 жыл бұрын
Wow. Me in my family of origin and during my marriage. 😔 But glad you bring it to light for me. Scapegoated. But now free of the dynamics. I got out. No longer the enabler.
@DrDanielFox
5 жыл бұрын
You sounds very strong. That's great to break out if a hard thing to do.
@bethanyfury1209
5 жыл бұрын
This was fantastic. Thank you.
@tendresexton4957
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and not being like dr. Romney
@evamcinnis7992
4 жыл бұрын
Blessings!! For helping folks! Stay safe and stay well..!
@PhoenixtheII
3 жыл бұрын
The system i'm in, is called society at whole.
@jakeroe1327
6 жыл бұрын
I'm still awake Dr.Fox, you and your videos are such a great comfort and company when I am having troubles like I am now. It seems we got some thing in common because I love blueberry muffins as well, I wish you lived near me and I'd tell you to bring yourself on over to where I work and I'd give you a fresh baked blueberry muffin on me. My roomie that is getting under my skin should be praising your name because you and your videos is that thing that has stopped me from going full throttle on him with my anger.
@JustApable
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, Dr. Daniel Fox! Not idealising you - but you have really helped me.
@TheCherrytree123
5 жыл бұрын
great insight. I need to write a list this also apply to anxiety situations as well. the 'push oneself out comfort zone' does not work in some situations. It make me stress. and hurt my health. I am become healthy and only include healthy people/situations in inner circle. I learned to push unhealthy people/situation to outer circle slow and gentle. this do not need to hurt . you can do this nicely.
@Raziel1818
3 жыл бұрын
My instinctual trigger for relaxation under pressure is that I imagine the stress factor as being decimated, or I just imagine a general non-personal decimation field of dead bodies looking like funny meat puppets dropped there furiously. I understand this is problematic, and I realize I developed this trigger (sometimes it happens involuntarily under stress) only in the last like 5 years. And the reason, I think is that, I developed new/extended pre-existing very maladaptive narcissistic coping mechanisms for dealing with my "perceived" problems. At a core level I really don't like who I am, and I'm trying to be less narcissistic. For me assertive avoidance works best, honestly, I just need to apply it more often, which is very hard.
@susanwebb1666
6 жыл бұрын
Do you know what I really find your videos interesting n you sound genuine
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you very much!
@mamseyc4025
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. It was really helpful. I fall into the hero category but didnt really thought about it... But weirdly I feel I am the one putting myself into these situations !? I ll try the worksheets, maybe i'll be able to understand how I function better.
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
The worksheet is posted at: www.drdfox.com/worksheets thanks for your patience.
@forgetmenot7102
3 жыл бұрын
can we talk about the fact that his calm image is a blueberry muffin? that’s adorable i love it
@soleildemidi
6 жыл бұрын
Really lovely resources here Daniel. Thank you!
@Laura-nn6fl
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, thank you! I'll be back and I'll do the homework! :-) 😀
@ninagathergood4644
6 жыл бұрын
What if one has pushed everyone away. I have. So what other way can I do this?
@boudicca7181
2 жыл бұрын
Amazing video. Thank you.
@DrDanielFox
Жыл бұрын
Glad you liked it!
@thereisnoninadria
4 жыл бұрын
Would you ever consider doing a video that looks at these roles where the BPD/NPD family member is the one pressuring other family members back into their unhealthy roles (enabler, hero, runner, etc)? My mom has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. As you were describing these roles, I noticed that they apply to myself and my siblings.
@kuntogdi3580
4 жыл бұрын
My narcissist father, my mother, my uncle and his wife and my cousins tried to sabotage my weightloss so many times. my father tries to make me so nerveus when i'm studying my exams, he wants me to fail in almost everything.. they did so much things to put me in to the role they want me to be in. this makes me dislike them, and want to leave them some day..
@vanessasouthern1792
4 жыл бұрын
I dont know what age you are but leave and never look back. Rebuild your self esteem and life. Trust me. And trust your gut instinct.... you are right. Leave. Get free. That is purely toxic.
@kuntogdi3580
4 жыл бұрын
vanessa southern Thank you! that is my goal, best wishes to you 🤍
@nicolekoenig10
4 жыл бұрын
Another great & informative video! Thank you!
@caitlinevans8706
3 жыл бұрын
Love your videos!
@LaGrossePaulik
3 жыл бұрын
I'm diagnosed with bpd, but only recently put the word narcissistic to my mother. I never heard about it, it makes so much sense now. She's highly manipulative to the point she kicked out one of my (half) brothers (she considered scapegoat because he wasn't her biological son), among other terrible things. I think having BPD sucks indeed, but having a narcissist parent with all that is even more difficult. The fear of abandonment, the terror of judgment and rejection makes it hell.
@lauram.6144
5 жыл бұрын
Hi Dr. Fox were you able to make the video about letting go your best friend? Thank you.
@claudinebraga7105
4 жыл бұрын
I would really benefit from this too.
@tiffanynelson2350
5 жыл бұрын
Great stuff!
@sandie683
2 жыл бұрын
Thank U for your gift and education, Dr Fox! My bf lives in NY and has very high issues of Borderline Splits. Very painful. Can you help or suggest a good therapist for him? He is highly gifted. A musician. 🙏🙏
@anitabubic6094
2 жыл бұрын
Good as ever!
@DrDanielFox
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. I wish you well.
@styrpak1
6 жыл бұрын
Dr. Fox, thank you for this useful information. I'm interested in learning more about how to make changes in behavior within the context of friends and family. Also, please speak about how best to support someone who's been a chronic liar and is now attempting to change. This person is trying to be transparent and integrate his life, but so far he's only able to tell bits and pieces of the truth--to get at the whole truth is like pulling teeth, and I don't enjoy interrogating him. In your experience, is it possible for someone who's been lying for years to change? If so, what's the best way for a friend to support authentic behavior. I've been working on keeping my boundaries, also staying neutral as much as possible (sometimes difficult when revelations really hurt), and that seems to help. I'm glad I found you.
@missheather4487
5 жыл бұрын
Wonderful..so helpful. Youv enabled me to view my family of origin difficulties with nrw understanding that has saved me a lot of pain and tears..which in turn leaved me peacefully to work on me.. Heartfelt thanks 💜
@Xaxtarr_Neonraven
2 жыл бұрын
But if blame is shifted onto others for your own behavior, doesn't this just reenforce the maladaptive ego defense? We are ultimately responsible for our own behavior. While true that role awareness is important, the healthy acceptance of responsibility regardless of interpersonal pressures is the ultimate goal. It can be a difficult journey and interpersonal systems help one to evaluate and respond, rather than react.
@LR-yu3mx
4 жыл бұрын
Fortunately some families members all go their own way and look back at the toxic system they were part of
@ggwoman
5 жыл бұрын
I would very much like to learn more about accepting allowing people to self select out of our lives. Tres difficile pour moi. How to deal with the emptiness and sense of abandonment if done by others leaving, and the guilt when it is done by me. I feel like I'm fighting for my life, my future....I don't fit into that old dusty box anymore, but the pressured antagonizing by others is so hard to deal with. Mostly i feel guilty leaving them behind to stew, feel hurt etc. just as i have felt for decades. 😯
@DrDanielFox
5 жыл бұрын
Build you sense of self, and I understand it's hard. A mental health provider may be able to help you with this.
@ggwoman
5 жыл бұрын
@@DrDanielFox Thank you Dr. Fox. You have a rare gift for understanding people. So glad i found your channel. This has been a lonely and sometimes scary journey. Your insight and support is helpful!
@duderanch18237
4 жыл бұрын
Had to kind of self select but not because I was toxic... at least I don't think I was. Had to go no contact with my ex girlfriend. She has BPD... I tried everything I could do to emotionally support her for a couple months after we broke up. She went out of her way to make me jealous / hurt me by talking about people she was dating / sleeping with. She would throw me random bones so I could validate her on a bad day or be an emotional crutch. And then she started to ask for money. All the while dating someone else. Broke my heart when I finally cut her off. I know and she knows I was always trying to help with her BPD and be understanding. And she used and used and used me (for what I think was to keep me around, after she dumped me she even stated that I was the best thing to ever happen to her and that she couldn't live without me). But, she had to dump me because she didn't want to hurt me; she continued to do so after the breakup as I tried to be some form of stability for her (people with BPD desperately need stability). I loved her and still do. It breaks my heart too because it must've hurt her enormously. It sucks that it had to come to "enough is enough." She just didn't get it. I wonder if she ever still thinks about me. I had to go no contact 4 weeks ago.
@carlasullivan3637
6 жыл бұрын
I wish he was my Dr., my Dr. is in his 70' s and I don't feel like he believes in this disorder. I have BPPD, PTSD and depression. Its a struggle every day.
@WhateverNullPointer
3 жыл бұрын
that sucks bro! How are you doing nowadays?
@monpaul2170
6 жыл бұрын
Hi loved your vid - just wondering how to access the worksheets you mentioned thanks!
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry, my website is not allowing me to upload it and that's where the link is supposed to be. I'm working on it and sorry for the inconvenience.
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
The worksheet is posted at: www.drdfox.com/worksheets thanks for your patience.
@softpretzel8330
5 жыл бұрын
I wonder, would it be a good idea to show a therapist these videos as a way to explain my feelings? Sometimes I just don’t have the words but many of these videos speak to me on a deep level
@DrDanielFox
5 жыл бұрын
I think it depends upon the therapist, some may be receptive, others not. Always a good idea to be open and honest and ask him/her. I wish you the best.
@sarahheld3761
2 жыл бұрын
Is this an example? I have worked real hard not to lie anymore , because I used to about any and everything. My husband constantly finds something and says I'm lying about it. It's not like I can go anywhere, I have MS, so it's stuff like you're eating all the bread. Mind you our 20 year old daughter lives with us.
@jaafarwiss3036
6 жыл бұрын
I know someone who has all the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. I live in a country where going to a psychologist is not an option. Can I help him ?
@vanessamorey3812
2 жыл бұрын
Wow, same, I actively give myself days when I do not interact with any other humans other than maybe going to a drive thru or listening to podcasts...... I do this more ever since my hubby had a stroke and I know his relatives don't like or have any interest in getting to know ow me on a personal level. They are all shallow, superficial for the most part and Id rather be alone than act just as fake. I am comfortable driving around, drawing, listening to music or watching shows via wifi elsewhere. About one day a week I just hang out with me. Go to parks and wander the trails...... focusing on psychology and learning why humans are so irritatingly irrational and spiteful. I dislike most humans anyway, so it makes perfect sense. I've been with my man over 12 years and he knows I'm not the clingy attention whore type. So our relationship is pretty much the same as it always has been. We are together, we know eachothers minds and that's all that matters. Fuck relatives. I don't feel obligated to give a damn about useless, money-worshipping, compulsive-eating dumbasses. I'm just thankful he's NOT at all like the rest of the idiots....
@DrDanielFox
2 жыл бұрын
Interpersonal systems are complex. Thanks for your comment.
@19MadMatt72
4 жыл бұрын
Don’t wanna lose “my buddy”..... If it weren’t for the meds, I should be bawling my eyes out. I feel nothing. But wow! I have never felt my feelings put into two words like that. Which identity do I get to keep?
@danielestaub9445
2 жыл бұрын
Watching ads to help channel. 👍
@DrDanielFox
2 жыл бұрын
Much appreciated
@alliespeaks3561
5 жыл бұрын
@Dr. Daniel Fox, thank you so much for your videos. I have been diagnosed with BPD for several months now and my sister (who is getting her LCSW with an emphasis in abnormal behavior) would say incredibly hurtful things at family gatherings which in turn I found the only normal reaction was to cry, scream, and run away. This happened again with my mom at a family party. That same day even the national suicide hotline had to hang up on me because I was so verbally abusive. How do I get through the holidays without a behavioral outburst? I promised a former therapist to not drink for 6 months (as that along with cutting, and my benzodiazepine are my favorite near death ways to try). This of course is falling into Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, and not that I drink enough to care but valentines day. Is it weird for me to care about keeping this promise to my former therapist? He terminated services with me because of my "need of higher level of care for my particular mental illness". DESPITE this center having a person who specializes in BPD, who I could've just transferred to.
@silka9187
3 жыл бұрын
AllieSpeaks, hey how a re you doing today? Best wishes to you!
@jjody
2 жыл бұрын
wish u the best n hope your journey has been well!!
@michaelsmith3629
4 жыл бұрын
This also goes on in AA
@1985bjaycat
5 жыл бұрын
Ha ha "the Crucible" that's me.
@1985bjaycat
5 жыл бұрын
But I also did the hero to exaustion.
@DrDanielFox
5 жыл бұрын
It's difficult to wear so many hats. I understand.
@yourenough3
6 жыл бұрын
@hipmoma
2 жыл бұрын
My mother is a narc. Gave me BPD.
@mariakarayan9997
3 жыл бұрын
Hi and thanks. My fav dessert is blueberry muffin and custard, try it. My ex gets over emotional over images he views, he idolizes women, placing them on pedestals, he idolizes his sister, who is a narc. He comes from a family of narcs and the main thing is they are the self idolators. They over value and devalue with poor judgments of the idols they love bomb so as to gain attention and admiration for themselves from their temporary idol, whom they compete with secretly, its always about what you can do for them. The whole family are narcs, he is adhd, borderlne and extremely sensitive to criticism , suicidal attempts are made when he is rejected or criticised. He controls the house, whilst he is a drunk without any control..i suggested he has therapy as he takes risks and drugs also. I am the avoider now, i used to protect him fearing he may kill himself, i still think he will but i cannot stop him i realised., i cannot as he is so unstable, it will be an accident, his dad killed himself drunk driving.. i know it will the same for him, but im past caring, so i cut him off again.
@sierralong8723
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you for the video..I have a small request for a possible video topic. The BPD struggle with self image/identity....I struggle to understand a specific role without knowing who I am or want to be. Thank you.
@DrDanielFox
6 жыл бұрын
Thanks, great idea. I added it to my list. Keep an eye out for it in the coming weeks.
@pvt.rickert4002
4 жыл бұрын
Sierra Long no one struggles with who they want to be🌻 seasons change .. so can we!.. depends how we feel.. key elements .. respect kindness ..harmless .. should be a essential 🌞
@8no1likeme-infinitestar65
3 жыл бұрын
QUESTION DR. FOX... WHAT IS UR TAKE ON THE BORDERLINE AND NARCISSIST TOGETHER IN MARRIAGE? DO THEY BETTER UNDERSTAND OR TOLLORATE EACHOTHER AS WELL AS EXEPT DIFFERENT BEHAVIORS..MAINLY BC ONE MIGHT SAY, HE PUTS UP WITH ME AND ALL MY CRAZINESS AND DOESN'T ASK ME TO CHANGE & VISE VERSA...SO ME BEING BORDERLINE SAY TO MYSELF THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD PUT UP WITH ME OR EXEPT ME AS I AM, SO I STAY, ALSO BC I FEEL HE FEELS THE SAME SO WOULDN'T WANT TO HURT HIM BY LEAVING FOR FEAR OF HIM BEING ALONE FOREVER BC NO ONE ELSE IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO PUT UP WITH WHAT I ACT UNBOTHERED BY & EXEPT.... Married 14years now( separated for 2) ......So, whats ur take on this relationship dynamic? Him being very Covert Narc and me C-ptsd, BPD, Childhood trama,continued trama throughout my life, narcissisticly abused by a psycho for the 2 years separated which helped me to recognize my husbands ways due to major triggers ,anxiety, & lessening self worth....now a big part of me feels the need to get away, get out, & live on my own, alone, to focus solely on myself without any outside influences and constant shenanigans to defer me from my path....THOUGHTS???
@luisguzman8218
3 жыл бұрын
Hello may I ask you what a unspecified personality disorder is? I was just told this, the psychiatrist told me I display borderline traits antisocial traits and narcissistic traits. Really don’t get it but I’m happy I really wasn’t diagnosed with one specifically. Anyways it’s weird.
@susanauger3758
Жыл бұрын
What happens if someone is Forced to change. ??
@DragonriderF
6 жыл бұрын
Please make the video you were suggesting about the "best friend"
@siryoucantdothat9743
5 жыл бұрын
About the homeostasis and the drinking metaphor I believe if my family/ friends did the opposite of putting me into my “ place “ I I’ll get the feeling of devaluing them because they being suddenly nice to me anyone felt that way ?
@susannahaapanen1673
3 жыл бұрын
Can you please make video about this "letting go of your friend"
@aoifearies1977
5 жыл бұрын
ty Dr Fox
@user-hp6vb9bq3x
3 жыл бұрын
is exactly what i am i have all the types apparently... .
@johnstewart662
4 жыл бұрын
48yo Borderline. Extended childhood sexual abuse. Only child. Terribly split home, father remarried had another son. Socio economy between F&M vast. Both parents now dead 2 years. I find myself trying to grasp the family Role, how prevalent is it that from the angle of the BL I am all those roles? Except mascot my half brother can have that one.
@user-ob9rh5qr3q
3 жыл бұрын
Can you have both disorders at the same time? Or is it impossible ?
@DrDanielFox
3 жыл бұрын
Yea
@keithleeuwen877
3 жыл бұрын
Sling em !
@KimberlyHoffman-ok1we
Жыл бұрын
❤😂🙋♀️ thank u
@mc2332
4 жыл бұрын
This might seem like a silly question because I guess it's just healthier reactions to any situation but can you adapt these into your life if you maybe suffer from the other cluster types, like the cluster c type personalities or are these the most effective for people in the cluster b personality types and the cluster c types need different coping skills?
@Zarathustran
3 жыл бұрын
The system is the crucible. Scapegoat already has his role. Not that it invalidates the advice but one should be aware the perspective of someone making KZitem videos with his ego wall in the background is likely that of a narcissist-especially if he makes this video not long after I comment about “emerging from the crucible of narcissistic abuse” on one of his others only to poach and misuse terminology while supply-farming with this one. A person who makes videos castigating narcissists can’t POSSIBLY be a narcissist🙄
@m.s.biteth1164
5 жыл бұрын
At 13:03 you mention people near you. What if everyone left you? I have a roommate and two friends whom I see rarely. I interact with people on the third circle out. I have no one that influences me. I am no one anyway. I ordered your workbook on ebay.
@fluxpistol3608
5 жыл бұрын
What about a scapegoat+hero? Can they be combinations?
@DrDanielFox
5 жыл бұрын
Absolutely, not uncommon.
@lolaklloyd3053
5 жыл бұрын
"My demons are not remotely tackled, they're just mildly concussed." Sharp Objects
@victoria8362
4 жыл бұрын
I was the mascot growing up
@daphne1065
2 жыл бұрын
How are you this empathic...?
@DrDanielFox
2 жыл бұрын
Time and patience. Thanks 😊
@bethanyrose8956
5 жыл бұрын
Thanks again again again, I feel like I’m spamming you haha sorry #peoplepleaserapology I recently reached out to my cousin (due to my mother’s actions affecting my 13 year old sister of whom is suicidal) who used to be a psychologist but decided to quit because she found herself laughing at a suicide note from a very unwell person on illicit substances. She told me that borderline is bullshit and that it’s just an excuse and that it’s more likely to be schitzo affective disorder if someone is actually ill. I was so offended by this and I believe perhaps she is so in denial of this illness because she has traits herself as she expresses a lot of intense anger and I guess she becomes offended very easily like my mother does. And the fact that I have never had a schizophrenic episode made me feel shunned like she was telling me what symptoms I could identify with was wrong and the fact that my own psychologist diagnosed me! My mother has also told me she doesn’t think I have BPD, she is a nurse and told me she thinks I’m just very passionate and sensitive etc etc and once again she has traits and when I look back and hear about scenarios with her mother I see traits too! So I believe these people are perhaps subconsciously trying to prevent me from healing from this. So I need to keep these people in my outer circle (love the diagram I did one myself!) and set a lot of boundaries but I find that in the past I have run back to my mother as a source of comfort as she’s my mother and she can give decent comfort now (could not in the past) but we do not get along in any other ways. Including her substance abuse and lack of psychological help and her mothering to my sisters. Should I completely stop returning to her for comfort?
@gerardagrapendaal837
4 жыл бұрын
Can itbe that you get borderline because you had a relation with a narsissist?
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