So far in my experience, what I usually feel at first with people I meet or date is moreso infatuation mixed with passion. But I find that the emotion of love can't really blossom in a healthy way if there aren't proper conditions in place. These conditions sometimes don't have anything to do with the emotional love. For instance a condition could be that the person is self-aware, or that they're dedicated. I found that I can safely love once I feel like we're in good hands with each other. At the end of the day feelings are fleeting and fluid. But I think that they can be more consistent if we feel emotionally safe enough to allow them to be.
@Summer-tk8yk
Жыл бұрын
Love makes me feel free and safe at the same time.
@michaelshannon9169
2 жыл бұрын
I remember once a friend asked him mother "Why did you marry dad?" in a kind of puzzled way, as in why would you marry such a piece of shit, she responded "Because I love your dad", and I can assure you it was anything at all but love. I look at relationships, particularly my own, my families and friends and come to the conclusion that love is just an idea that we mould to suit our own circumstances. I never loved my ex's, I tried, I admired some traits of theirs, but it was never love. I look at my friends and often its more akin to hate than love, you see the drudge, the weariness of both ppl together, the underlying tension and the passive aggressiveness, etc, its a horror. I think its a case of: Most ppl are average therefor settle for their equivalent which is average. Their opposite is a constant reflection of this fact. No one wants an average person, everyone wants deep connection, to be inspired, amazing love life etc. But when Regular Joe meets Plain Jane they have to make it into something more so they have to call it love, if not it will end as the truth of what it is they are, as a couple, cant be hidden anymore. I think as children we learn soon that we must lie to survive, we must act a certain way to cater to society. This behaviour extent to work, to friends, to relationships. I remember asking myself if I could read my partners mind for a month would we still be together or visa versa, or anyones relationship, would it last. The answer is 99.99% no. So whats happening? We are marketting ourselves to the other. We are promoting and branding ourselves in order to gain what we want. This is not love.
@Valentinfj
2 жыл бұрын
"A man said: If you want to see better days, be the change you want to see in the world." Andrei Ropcea
@Oyzatt
2 жыл бұрын
If only that is enough, it wouldn't so problematic to many peoples
@theresefournier3269
2 жыл бұрын
@@Oyzatt oh but it is. Since words won't cut it, only by example can anyone truly see and learn from another... 🔥❤️
@Ella-qg4bq
2 жыл бұрын
I don’t agree to this. We don’t need to be the change. It’s very vague and meaningless. Just be truthful to yourself and everything comes in place when considering the fact every individuals have own personalities and live under social condition where humans are programmed. Only handful people are wise and intelligent enough to go beyond. I love what Zachary denmam says on this video kzitem.info/news/bejne/p5BpyoyegGSIaoI This is a true solution! IN types seem to navigate their inner self within the mind, soul and heart. Other types go along with their social conditions or culture or whatever no matter what.
@Ella-qg4bq
2 жыл бұрын
What is consciousness? From realistic level to universal level. It’s a very good idea to see from all angles and different layers for better perspectives. Most humans ( more than 99%) only stay on the surface and no interest in going deeper but only care about the physical reality for survival ticket!
@Oyzatt
2 жыл бұрын
@@theresefournier3269 The guarantee of boom is not a guarantee for personal success. What one is doing in a specific giving situation matters a lot, not assuming others have succeed so it will be the same for you
@janehicks2266
2 жыл бұрын
This is such a great subject, I think love means different things to different people. I havent been in a relationship in a few years now but have been working on myself and dont think any other person can truly make you happy only you can, when I get into another relationship I would not rely on the other to fulfil my needs but would just want to be with someone that i can enjoy their company with shared values and goals and obviously a physical attraction.
@FaeoreNeko
Жыл бұрын
I don't think I fantasize about if my partner dies for freedom. But more so I can mentally prime my brain for the steps I'd need to take if it did happen. Like finding a way to pay full rent and survive.
@Oyzatt
2 жыл бұрын
Been a human is to be constantly aware of all that's wrong
@Theqwert202
2 жыл бұрын
The deepest love I've found is Unselfish/Unconditional Love. An energy that connects everything in the Cosmos. Oneness
@MissyEllen
Жыл бұрын
I appreciate you speaking your thoughts on love and relationships. 🙌 I’ve done a lot of self work and have found so much peace in solitude. Wasn’t until I was dating someone who was very well suited that I realized, even then, when I felt like it had possibility, I still felt stifled when we were expected to climb the “relationship escalator”.
@sarahofer4368
2 жыл бұрын
Hello all you commenters: religion is a choice, not a career or a marriage or a business contract.
@sm6839
Жыл бұрын
Tgis is something i am exploring. I have tried having open relationships, but for me INFJ they feel insecure. I eas married a long yime in a " business' marriage which mostly worked fot raising kids and creating a home. Once kids were gone we ended. As a therapist i see this a lot with all of the types and think this is a cultural/ social issue. I gave beliefs around this but too much to share here. People often come to therapy wanting to be " happy" fix a marriage, etc. Defining what this means to them is very helpful. Love can mean many different things at different points in our lives. I am 62 and had a long marriage. Children and assets seem to be the sticky places( or some of them). If people are without these issues(me) , them it might seem reasonable to have healthy monogamous ( possibly serial) relationships. Have you watched ot studied Esther Perele( spelling?). She had interesting views. ❤
@bonjour4016
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Clay. I am an INFJ in a relationship with a narcissist. I am hoping you can create a video on how to walk away in a relationship in such situation? I remember you mentioned it happened to you in the past, so you must know how hard it is. Thank you and more power to your channel.
@sm6839
Жыл бұрын
Door slam
@gregorystinette8271
Жыл бұрын
It's not considered "duty" if you are in love.
@Tuulikone6
2 жыл бұрын
I think love is about accepting another completely as she or he is. Nothing else.
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
I agree that is part of it. There must be more to it than that though? You could fully accept an abuser as abusive, cut them out of your life and never see them again. While doing this, you could also be fully accepting who they are, while recognizing that they’re is not good for you. If I had to put a word on that, it would be more like forgiveness. But I would say loving somebody is something else.
@BlackPearlMinistries
2 жыл бұрын
Yes the rules. So many rules to get married, even more to get divorced. Yes, my husbands statement exactly. He feels since we were married it mush last forever and forcing it to work. I literally just said this without seeing this before. Marriage doesn't fix what is already broken. It only makes it worse.
@jendrikschmidt
2 жыл бұрын
Equal validation that can only exist if both have there own way of life which is hard for most
@dag-nabbit
Жыл бұрын
I think as INFJ people are always checking in and self reflecting while constantly trying to grow and become wiser and more "polished" that we will never truly be the same person for long periods of time and while we search in "love" for stability and safety that becomes overtime no longer safe and energizing if our partners do not grow WITH us. Also our "fettish" if you will is in figuring out the puzzle of a new person and I feel that most people do not free up the inside pieces of the puzzle without a relationship. Basically our safety is in the fact the growth exists and the brain is infinitely expandable targeted to answer our "WHY's" and "HOW'S" and therefore our love will be everchaing, adaptable, or seasonal. Now that I've typed my theory it seems rather pessimistic, but who wants to be the same person they were in 10th grade their entire life?
@Cruelidea69
2 жыл бұрын
I think the problem is relationships are about an individual and although we may have been brought up as an individual it varies very much. Such that certain things I may like such as inclusivity, is not as much of a priority in someone else’s life. You can’t put it in the band wagon because just like security maybe something a women might look more for it varies on the women. Interesting take though Clay! I would say society gives you the blueprint and that’s the purpose, if you follow said blueprint is up to you, the blueprint was learned in culture and throughout time what makes relationships and I think although freedom of choice is good, it’s a double edged sword. You can cut your path but it may come back to ruin you. That’s the way I like to look at it. I agree though agape love for example would probably be an INFJs prime example of a goal for one. Issue is a lot of other people cannot or will not try to love in this manner you will give 95% and it’s unreasonable to expect that from the other person etc. insightful as always, happy thanksgiving everyone! Farewell:)
@adrienneneal5323
Жыл бұрын
I think it is beyond decision or logic Around New Year’s I told myself that I would be practical about dating this year, but I could never say or apply that to love
@Nickolaslewis
2 жыл бұрын
I think and feel, it more often than not turns into an obligation until you consciously acknowledge you feel obligated to be with this person. I think emotional intimacy is paramount for any relationship. As for love having to have a romantic component, I would choose to look at it from the perspective of we now have a choice to choose our relationships based on wether or not the partner in question is capable of what we're speaking of. I don't think love has to be explained, especially if we were to take the subjective lense if we are asking the question. Everyone is going to have a different definition, with slight variance in between. I really think, and feel that love most often in terms of a generalized definition is what is convenient and doesn't comprise an individual's values as they see it. Happy thanks giving, if that's your thing. I honestly never thought about answering these questions for myself. Thank you. At the very least, be honest with yourself and feel those feelings. If no action is taken towards the person, you've atleast honored your feelings as the individual which is paramount. In short, people need to be honest with themselves for the sole sake of it. Otherwise they will foster a sense of resentment within themselves for not actually giving their own feelings validation as an individual. Phenomenal questions. As for the final question, it depends on the level of understanding and emotional honesty you have with your partner. If you have a partner, and you're asking the question from that perspective I'd assume part of you is tied to the person in question. Otherwise you wouldn't have to ask permission to be "free"
@sonofhibbs4425
Жыл бұрын
The only thing I know about love is that it is when one wills the greater good for the other. That’s the simplest explanation. Now with romantic love, sexual desire, passion, that all becomes a royal mess, and those couples that make it seemingly have just the right pinch of lust tempered exactly by the right size of balanced love. How one keeps that all going seems to be a bit like juggling hot balls of fire with your bare hands for eternity. I’m bound to think something or someone else who has that skill does it for the couple, because I sure can’t do that. Nor do I know anyone able. I still wish for it though.
@rachelstone7072
2 жыл бұрын
♥️⚘TRUTH ABOUT LOVE⚘♥️♥️ INFJ Decoding Relationships.... 1. Trust 2. Freedom vs. Control 3. Love like a Business Relationship 4. Life: when Solo has alot of Rules, Responsibilities (things required, even if you don't want to do them. Free Choice???) 5. Emotions are FICKLE...they are constantly changing...Millions of thoughts...Thousands & Thousands of Emotions Mind Computer ON (Monkey Mind?????, The Mind that Watches & Guides the Mind. Trains the Mind). Goldie Hahn & Oprah do not Marry. Lifes questions can tie one up in a ball of yarn.
@radhikachaturvedi2480
2 жыл бұрын
Is there anyone, who never felt this love feeling for anyone around them... 🥺🥺
@Dzanarika1
2 жыл бұрын
I have never had real love for anyone around me, but many times lustful feeling when I was younger. I think, real love comes with the right person, which is super rare.
@vasekhromada8714
Жыл бұрын
@@Dzanarika1I think one must grow and mature into the state of being prepared for it, that'll change their "aura/energy" and then it somehow effortlessly manifests through universal forces of resonance and synchronicity. I think that's the mechanism, thought I haven't experienced it myself yet
@matilda4406
Жыл бұрын
I feel the same way with films. The inauthentic acting is a put off
@rachelmazyck8838
2 жыл бұрын
Is it possible to know you love someone right when you meet them?
@muma6559
8 ай бұрын
there's a certain time in this video where you started to literally shine... and glow. Clearly thinking about someone you love. Two years on, is she still your love ?
@victoriousjoy9338
2 жыл бұрын
I'm enfp and gave my ex husband more freedom than anyone I know. I loved him unconditionally and for years tried to make his life better. He repaid me by not working, being highly controlling of me, being unfaithful and repeatedly trying to kill me. He was lying about everything and I found he was living a double life. I believe he's a sociopath and I wasted over 2 decades trying to make it work and still losing so much. I wonder, maybe if I didn't give him so much freedom, maybe I would have been wise to his tricks much earlier! Just a thought thrown in here. Any thoughts from you?
@Dzanarika1
2 жыл бұрын
It is life.
@Entheo_Wolf
2 жыл бұрын
Is limerence common for INFJs?
@anneh851
2 жыл бұрын
Thinking about their partner's death....I have a different take. It could mean they are nagged by the fact they have not made out their wills. Or selected a POA. Or decided between assisted living or aging-in-place. Is money set aside for funeral or cremation? Can the remaining partner survive on just their own retirement and keep their home?? Since INTJs are future-oriented list makers, this comes up all the time in the over-50 crowd's relationships.
@khalidalzayani7072
2 жыл бұрын
Clay... I am a an engineer---I am sort of with you.... my estimates of a relationship (Genuine in a life time) is 4 as average....with Std of 4... so an average of 4 + 2 time std--- is 12 years--- I bet very little marriages work ok with more than 12 years ... Humans are not Loyal to their spouse ... rules religion ...etc... are just made ideals --- that never work.... 1 to 1 of a life time never works... you see that all the time
@maymayrays
2 жыл бұрын
I started watching this video expecting… I don’t know what 😂 But I agree with you on a lot of topics here. I consider myself very in love with my husband of 14 years, and I believe he is very in love with me (measured by his words and actions - one can never be sure of another’s feelings, right?). But you are so right: when we observe the marriages and relationships of our friends and family, they seem wildly off track by our standards. And yet I think, culturally speaking, there is nothing inherently wrong with their relationships. So, my husband and I talk quite a bit about this disconnect. Because it’s nothing that we’re doing, specifically, that makes our marriage “better” than anyone else’s. I’m convinced it’s luck of the draw - we met young, were wildly attracted to one another, grew slowly to trust each other completely, and married after 8 long years of really getting to know each other and being secure in our decision. Then we waited another 5 years before making a child. We had time on our side, and therefore the chance to allow our bond to mature and develop before throwing life at it. I think that might be part of it. But the rest? Love may be a verb, but being _in love_ makes the choice to love much, much easier. And having unwavering trust with another person makes being in love with them easier. And time allows trust to develop. It’s all a relatively unlikely series of coincidences, happening in just the right order, that have led to what I have with my husband. When you compare this to the cultural checklist you reference: date for a year, be engaged for a year, marry, buy a house make kids after a year all while developing a career and maybe an investment portfolio… all the other relationships we know of really never had a chance 😕
@theresefournier3269
2 жыл бұрын
YAHsome🔥❤️
@ruthlessfairy
2 жыл бұрын
"Do you trust this person with your emotional state?" - The most important question that I should ask myself more often.
@BirkeClara
2 жыл бұрын
I think friendships is something that is highly undervalued in terms of romantic love. I think in order to have a lifelong relationship with someone, you first of all have to be good friends. In my view a lot of couples just aren't good friends. So you fall in love, but never develop a friendship. I find that highly problematic. I also remember someone say, what happens after the marriage? Like does your life styles actually match for example? A lot of women marry because they want stability, but in the end they become more unstable because they lose themselves. Anyway, this one always does it for me It's Kahlil Gibran, the Prophet. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
@jfridayhealth
2 жыл бұрын
That poem shouts freedom. I think giving someone that is the greatest sign of unconditional love tbh And I think you're absolutely right about friendships being undervalued. I can tell you from personal experience that it absolutely sucks to be partnered up with someone who was never a friend to you!
@rosegear2191
2 жыл бұрын
You can’t choose to love someone, but you can choose loving action.
@ThreadBareHope1234
Жыл бұрын
Well put
@sr_wgu7900
2 жыл бұрын
You have so eloquently stated what has been in my mind for months now, thank you. Can you discuss more in depth: the projection of what we, as infjs, expect to see in our romantic partner vs what they actually bring to the table? More specifically, infjs have a tendency to see the potential of a partner vs what is actually there, and this relationship can grow for years - at the same time a resentment based on disappointment also builds for the infj bc the partner fails time and again to live up to infj’s expectations of them. Have you experienced this? When the infj awakens to their own projection of their expectations on the other person, do they stay because it’s a good business relationship? Or do they leave to give themselves the freedom to find the unfulfilled expectations within a more idealized romantic partner?
@cassandralurign6049
Жыл бұрын
❤I’m surprised no one commented on your comment. I think this is a really important and valid aspect of the INFJ and INTJ. I hope he sees your comment and dose some digging and analyze some data on this aspect.
@veranthros
2 жыл бұрын
First off. I follow you and really enjoy what you speak of. Especially as an INFJ male as well. But with this video I feel your all over the place and somewhat missing some strong points as far as what defines rules and safeguarding the beauty of true romanticsm between two. Sadly, if two want "true romantic love" (how you phrased it in beginning), I feel there are universal rules that should naturally be in place (fall in place even), if that relationship is to flourish and not be tainted. And while they might be defined as rules or setting limits to certain freedoms, they are righteous in that they are mainting the sanctity of that container of love. So an example of one of those Universal Rules would be, "We as two honoring our container" vow to not sleep with other people in our freedom away from one another (because of what bringing such energy into it would ultimately lead to) Sure, they can keep this freedom and sleep with other people, but the probability of that relationship thriving in romanticism is very very slim. So yes, there are many rules such as this that need better language than, stripping of one's freedom.
@robertc801
2 жыл бұрын
I think I define “in love” as, if you’re not only ok and comfortable with the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone, but excited at that idea. Content. Satisfied. Fulfilled. It’s like, you can look at other girls your attracted to, acknowledge the beauty, and know that you have one that your attracted to and happy to have. And that all just compounds and creates the in love feeling, like a positive feedback loop. The one thing I don’t know is, does that feeling fade over time. And then does it become your business relationship. Idk man. I think people have been wondering this for all of existence. There may not be an answer.
@SimoneAkkari
2 жыл бұрын
thank you for another excellent discussion, I enjoy your videos about relationships the most! Would also love to hear more from you about coping with ADHD, if you've found strategies that work.
@theresefournier3269
2 жыл бұрын
Even animals rarely mate... in captivity!
@Tarantula_Fangs
Жыл бұрын
As an INFJ male, I struggle immensely with finding a relationship, I find it very difficult finding a woman who shares the same values as I do. I don't consider my standards high, just very wise and thought out, however I am not a physically attractive man and have been told that I have a very domineering appearance---which is farther away from my personality---so it makes finding someone who can appreciate me for who I am extremely difficult, I might as well be Frankenstein, lol! 👹But when I do fall in love, I fall pretty hard and typically love that person for the rest of my life.
@gracelion
Жыл бұрын
Interesting Talk. Romantic love is in m'y sense a limited aspect of Love. Real genuine Love is unconditionnel, wich is rare...romantic love for me is embeded with needs and expectations...thats why a lot of hurt is involved.
@matilda4406
Жыл бұрын
I do believe love is giving full freedom for the OTHER to choose. Since God says he gave us freewill, this would make sense. He gets to say what the consequences are due to Him being the Source. But we get to choose, that's full freedom. That's what love is.
@jen9745
Жыл бұрын
can you make a video on your perception of best friend relationships and are they more valueble than romantic ones
@matilda4406
Жыл бұрын
Let me tell you, if someone wants freedom when in a r/s, they are not in love, not building together
@elmehdisaniss2731
2 жыл бұрын
My request is about get rid of my technical work. You were a software games developer. And I was a system administrator and moved to systems and Cloud development. You have me the idea of starting working on a side project that will after some couple of years will be my incom and than I can quit my job. The mindset I have now is that my job is a job, it provides me a place to create good things, have some challenge, some fun, keeps learning and get better in thinking and problem solving and be a better person and finaly money to live. But it is not fullfilling. I decided start learning different subjects about how the world function but seems I don't have so much time to learn a lot and have great satisfaction. Work really takes time and energy from you.
@KatelynDawn
2 жыл бұрын
I think that if I was chasing the thing I think of as “romantic love”, I would always be chasing a new relationship. When your brain is literally on drugs from the hormones of being infatuated and obsessed with the newness of someone. I was definitely in a rush to get married. I thought I wouldn’t be like everyone else who doesn’t have “movie level love”. But I’ve found realistically, I don’t think that exists. Half of marriages fail, but are the other half happy? No. How many are actually happy? I have no idea. I find my own relationship goes through ebbs and flows and sometimes we are great. Other times life is stressful and gets in the way. It’s not perfect but I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. No matter what’s going on we seem to always be able to have open and stimulating conversations. I can be myself and I trust him completely with my emotional state. He is also a damn good man and I honestly don’t think I could find anyone “better”. If I could do it all over agin I would still choose him. I know my brain will never produce the same hormone “on drugs” response to him because he is not and will never be new stimuli, but I’m cool with that. Just blabbing…
@freiagalacar5786
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like watching your videos is like a brain exercise that stretches my mind.
@theetravelhippie
2 жыл бұрын
I adored this entire video. I would like to hear more on this topic and the topic of self improvement and self love
@cygnelle1232
2 жыл бұрын
Very incisive video as always! You've highlighted a relatively scary thing for me here. As you were talking about how love might not really be love if it's not given in the context of total freedom, I was nodding and mm-hmming like crazy in agreement. It's such an important aspect that's lost in so many relationships. But I also realised that, with the attachment style I have, stability is a crucial psychological need for me, most especially in a romantic relationship. I mean, I know the kind of true stability I want can't be manufactured, and I actively guard against even unintentional manipulation. It's important to me that my need for trust and stability not create a climate of expectation and duty for my partner... but I can't ignore that I have that need. So, the hope is that stability will be an organic result of us both continuously choosing each other, genuinely, freely. And of course, even within that, people change. And I would muuuuch rather my partner be upfront about it and live his life accordingly, than stay with me out of a sense of duty. On Downton Abbey there was this character, Lavinia, who said to her fiance when she sensed his heart straying, "Please don't let me be a nuisance." And I felt that.
@abdulrahmanrashad7225
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like love exist in all shapes and forms but there must be boundaries to maintain some relationships that's why I think marriage is not a form of love more of like another life experience, but that doesn't mean love can't happen in marriage It just can be found between any one but marriage isn't really centered around it like not because you are married that means you have found your other half that person that truly knows you
@silentgrove7670
2 жыл бұрын
I am glad you made this video. Most of your ideas echo my experiences. Have you looked into the rather pervasive "Wound of Unworthiness" that permeates Western culture and its relationship to the topic of love ?"
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
I have never heard of that actually.
@sonofhibbs4425
Жыл бұрын
Silent Grove, that would be such a great topic!
@loreley3126
2 жыл бұрын
Another point of view to this topic: everywhere in nature you can see that high developed animal raise their kids as a family. Mother, father, children. And in this children can grow up in a healthy comfy way. They also learn how to behave in a partnership and take care of eachother. - that is what is what is marriage for. To have a family … at least as long until the kids are adults. / if someone feels uncomfortable to begin such a commitment, he/ she should never marry nor have children.
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
Where in nature do you see this everywhere? I just don’t think this is true. In nature, it’s very rare for two animals to raise offspring together. Quite often it is the mother raising the offspring alone. Or In many animals, it’s more of a pack dynamic, where the young grow up in a tight tribe. For example a group of chimps or wolves. Very rarely, or even never would you see two animals pair off, get a dwelling together and then live together quite isolated from other members of their tribe like humans live today. Other female primates will even purposely have sex with as many males as possible so as to guarantee that many different males will treat the young as their own possible offspring.
@theresefournier3269
2 жыл бұрын
@@ClayArnall With my birds? After a week or two, the mother might even get tough on her baby that begs for food from her or from the father. I've seen one, being fed by the father alone, for an extra week. It appears nature wants them to fend for themselves, from a very young age, and yes, others stay with females, such as elephant tribes, where the kids are raised by all the sisters, aunts, grandma's, etc., where, it takes a whole village to raise a child... 🔥❤️🐦🌳
@cazbee6126
2 жыл бұрын
... and there's no shortage of animals that will eat their own offspring 🍽 👶
@theresefournier3269
2 жыл бұрын
@@cazbee6126 Even Jews, according to the Scriptures, also when starving, did just that. According to history, so did many others, including poor desperate Russian peasants and not so long ago. True...
@boldnbrave5
2 жыл бұрын
The issue also is being able to separate love from lust
@sonofhibbs4425
Жыл бұрын
🎯
@nametaken2538
2 жыл бұрын
5:53 was a mind blow for me, holy crap...
@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142
Жыл бұрын
Thad is pure indoctrination, and control , in my opinion Thad is not ❤️ A Bisnesspartnership ? Thad is not Love ! Off cause the ideal would be to combine both ! 14:57
@marshclem2255
Жыл бұрын
This gave me a lot to think about. When I really think about it, yeah the ideal relationship for me in our current society would be the feeling of romantic love + the practicality and stability. I feel like there are advantages to having a life "business" partner and a passionate lover who accepts me completely in the same person. I also know this is incredibly rare, or at least hard to sustain both long term. When you brought up poly, that was one solution that works for some people. I'm not really sure it's for me, because when I have that "in love" feeling, I'm just not interested in other romantic connections. One thing that crossed my mind was that if financial/practical needs were not so hard for people to meet, would romantic relationships look a lot different? This modern neoliberal capitalist society we live in has changed a lot in regards to how humans relate to each other and support each other's existence. The nuclear family kind of sprung out in the last couple of centuries. I'm wondering if communal living with shared resources would make it easier to pursue true romantic partnership rather than seeking out a partner who we could cohabitate well with or who could provide the resources or lifestyle stability we are looking for. Or if it were more financially possible for all people to be completely self sufficient (although based on the history of our species this seems like a less likely option based on our needs). Idk, this just kind of popped into my brain as I was listening to this
@Justsomegirlieonline
Жыл бұрын
This video is so interesting. Thank you so much! It would also be interesting to hear your thoughts about love but between family members, for example, my father was abusive to me a lot in my childhood but later he became more caring and loving and I feel like I want to love him, but as you said love should have trust and I don't trust my father and don't feel emotionaly vulnarble, even though I do want to be like that around him..Does that mean that I can't love him? Or should I even love him in the first place? I'm also an Infj btw, haha
@anak5183
2 жыл бұрын
I have considered the question of love for a long time...It is my opinion that love is a commitment to another person's best in life even if it costs you something. If both partners are looking out for each others best in life, that is a winner. This is true love.
@sonialafferty9539
2 жыл бұрын
I couldn't of said this better my self. Exactly my thought. Free will, free spirited. Free choice. Not out of duty but true love because your energy draws u naturally without force.
@helenhart4368
2 жыл бұрын
Your thoughtfulness is much appreciated
@sadasivan6159
Жыл бұрын
love can feel differently with different relationships, Love is a genuine connection. I believe love is being with someone who likes us for our authenticity, its like accepting us for who we are without wanting to change or control us, and someone who is comfortable to help us if we want to grow or change, but all these should not be like an agreement or responsibility, it should come from genuine interest. We know how we want to be loved, the same way we should love other person.
@mountainhermit1414
2 жыл бұрын
i'm not too sure if you're interested in the topic but it would be great to see you produce a video about your thoughts on social hierarchy -- in particular the behavioural patterns of people who are perceived as higher up on the hierarchical ladder. thank you :)
@Dzanarika1
2 жыл бұрын
That would be a very intresting topic.
@matilda4406
Жыл бұрын
so did you get married? What personality type was your first wife? Yes, love is a choice, but it should be after a lot of thinking and pondering.
@charliegriffin4908
2 жыл бұрын
I really like what Alan Watts says and have listened to many of his youtube videos. The only negative I felt was how the audience laughter used to always rankle with me and get on my nerves as it seemed fake and over the top. But, I am aware that says a lot about me, rather than the audience, who seemingly were having a good time.
@sabrinalrose
2 жыл бұрын
What about the 7 types of love defined by the Greeks?
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
I guess the two that would apply to romantic relationships are Eros (romantic physical sexual), and pragma (honor, respect, committed, cherish each other). It’s nice that the Greeks try to create different definitions. While I find these useful, it still doesn’t capture something else that I’m trying to define.
@ThienTruong-iy5ix
Жыл бұрын
HAHA, it's awesome that I'm not the only who is not interested in the movie anymore once it's not realistic.
@asibangoura8067
2 жыл бұрын
Beautiful insights 🌺🌼🌸
@robertc801
2 жыл бұрын
I really enjoyed this video thanks for putting it up. I wonder if that feeling of love that you’re trying to capture is actually a feeling of trying to grasp what is unattainable. For instance, when I look back at my biggest loves in my life, they were always just slightly out of reach, or after the fact, or I couldn’t get enough of. It’s almost like a very strong desire that is insatiable. I sometimes think that that kind of condition is what’s responsible for what we think “in love” is. Let’s face is, there’s a ton of people we can be strongly physically attracted to. There’s a ton of people that we mesh well with. There’s both. But when does it create that in love feeling? When it’s just ever so slightly out of reach. I don’t know, that’s just one little theory I have. Does it resonate at all? Also I liked the guardian, the four categories with the grid discussion. That was new to me. Can that be expanded upon?
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
Which part do you think needs expanding?
@robertc801
2 жыл бұрын
@@ClayArnall Lol I will have to re-watch it and get back to you. I’m sure it was very thoroughly covered but I remember how well it resonated with me in my work situation and how it was new to me. Let me watch it again and give some thoughts.
@robertc801
2 жыл бұрын
@@ClayArnall OK rewatched at an accelerated pace. No man, this video hit so good. It was actually life changing. I’m in a new job now shortly after watching this video. I’m out from a guardian type of environment and into an idealist one and I couldn’t be happier. The last environment reminds me of why I wanted out of the military so badly. It’s the opposite of fostering new ideas. I can’t think of a way to expand, sorry. But if u do, I’ll definitely watch lol. But thanks because the video actually did help open my eyes to the crappy situation I was in and then my new work opportunity came right at the same time.
@maymayrays
2 жыл бұрын
I cannot believe your government requires specific wording to be married 😳🤦🏻♀️ I’ve officiated over two weddings in the US, and that is insane to me.
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
Oh interesting.
@theoseros1252
2 жыл бұрын
Have you studied Esther Parel’s work at all?
@alibertylover
2 жыл бұрын
Marriage is based upon a biblical construct & man has circumvented this concept with statutory law.
@BarbaraMerryGeng
2 жыл бұрын
- Yes , I guess it’s true . Although, to be even more true , one could say, “ marriage is a cultural concept”… >Bc marriage exists across many nations - that don’t ascribe to the Holy Bible. Just saying….
@madamedessert9608
2 жыл бұрын
Excellent! From an infp.
@flowerpower4944
2 жыл бұрын
Loved this topic, inspiring 👍👍
@wildforest6851
2 жыл бұрын
Really interesting!
@valeriezaitzieff1462
Жыл бұрын
What is love? 🙂
@isishathor1238
2 жыл бұрын
Aromanticism is quite common, but little spoken about. We are all different.
@alexsauerbach105
2 жыл бұрын
As well as asexuality.
@isishathor1238
2 жыл бұрын
@@alexsauerbach105 Right, because are both rarely talked about or even erased as a valid experience.
@alexsauerbach105
2 жыл бұрын
@@isishathor1238 Yes, there are so many different types of attraction. Yet when it comes to relationships, people don't differentiate at all. It can be frustrating. Greetings from Germany! 🙂
@loreley3126
2 жыл бұрын
Whenever I was deeply in love, I never wanted to be free … and I wasn’t even thinking about other men. It just felt like paradise to be with him. - maybe you never loved somebody, if you have to Analyse Love and relationship so much…
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
I think this is a manipulative statement and I reject your conclusion.
@sonofhibbs4425
Жыл бұрын
@@ClayArnall I think you should reconsider if your feel hurt by it. No offense. As a third party I don’t see the reasoning of calling that comment ‘’manipulative’’. There was a time I thought I knew what I felt, but later realized I was incorrect. And not for any fault of my own, but by what I call the ‘’3 billy goat’s gruff’’ analogy…. Like in that story there is a succession of goats, the first being the smallest, the second, greater and the third one largest of all. If all one knew was that goats are the size of the first one, they wouldn’t have any concept of the greatest one that was to come. They’d think all goats were that size like the first , and nothing more than that. We are all very much prisoners to our experiences (and lack thereof) and whatever so-called knowledge we picked up along the way. Our own desires can cloud our thinking. When it really comes down to it, does ANYONE really know ANYTHING!? Great discussion and topic, btw!!
@rebeccajones6269
2 жыл бұрын
I think love..starts with ourselves....to truly love another to accept...and understand someone...else...I think we first need to understand and accept ourselves... I think once we can learn to be kind to ourselves...compassionate....our capacity to truely love someone else...happens organically.... Hehe...maybe this is a little idealistic.....but when I think of it conceptually....it makes sense....
@robertholloway6612
2 жыл бұрын
I have mixed opinions about love because there are so many levels or types of love out there. The love you speak of is the delusional romantic type of mundane love. AKA marriage. And marriage is a religiously inforced, politically "justification" of a mediocre tradition of legalized slavery. And as a religiously inforced tradition, marriage is between heterosexuals. Therefore marriage has nothing to do with God-all-mighty because God-all-mighty is about UNconditional Love, the truist type or kind of Love... something that marriage lacks, if it only supports heterosexuality and monogamy. Divine Love which comes from some deity of great power is unconditional. Which means it has no rules or expectations. Now marriage had no link to love but rather to trade, slavery, property, and/or rank in the far past. Somehow we transform the meaning of marriage or redefine it to be about "Love" (and business), I can only hope, with the legalization of homosexuals, that we can re-redifine marriage to symbolize UNconditional love that it was meant to be in the eyes of our Creator.
@Gloria-xz7yk
2 жыл бұрын
As always Clay I really appreciate your video as you genuinely speak my truth..Thanks..I too was intrigued with the series about the plane that was lost in time..
@nanas707
2 жыл бұрын
Please Do a vidéo about how to change from aviodant attachement style to secure attachement style
@zirrom_4
2 жыл бұрын
I think I just found the best INFJ channel. Very detailed explanation that makes me shift my perspective. Especially on the part where "love is a choice". I firmly believed that. But I guess you have a point when you said they're sort of just like comforting words to the relationship because as an INFJ myself, we see things that are probable to make the relationship NOT work out. and i guess i've said that love is a choice to comfort myself that no matter what, i have the duty and obligation to love this person. which i guess is not genuine love anymore, it's now a responsibility
@Miquinee
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Clay, sounds like you are looking for topic suggestions so I'll take my chances (I also posted other comment responding to this video's topic) - I love your video about Perfectionism (Do INFJs Struggle with Perfectionism?) I do find myself having perfectionism paralysis, I realized that I have this thing where I don't want people to see my bad side. This need to only be good and look good in other people's eyes, which is just a disguise of insecurities. It's funny how I take forever to start but once I finished I'm still picking on it and won't be happy about my work unless I hear positive feedback from other people. So I found that I also had a hard time taking negative feedback once it is exposed to the eyes of other people. Does that mean I just can't take criticism? Am I just full of myself? I'm learning to let it go, telling myself that it's my progress it's who I am, and I must be OK of where I'm at right now. I would love to hear more about Exposure Theraphy, and yes I don't show my face on social media anymore, funny that you also mentioned it. Hella called out. Anyways, love your videos as always Clay
@tossed_about
2 жыл бұрын
I'm sure you would make sense of things better if you separate 'love' and intimacy (such as what makes for a close relationship). I have come to regard falling in love as a pretty random event, set in train by luck and circumstance. You can fall for someone who is totally hopeless at intimacy unfortunately, and if it doesn't work out, better luck next time. When I first started relationship counseling, I had many unfathomable failures. To short circuit the process I started asking each individual in the couple at the first session, in a very serious voice, if they loved the other person. When each person of the couple answered unhesitatingly 'yes', things would work out no matter how difficult the issues. There were some pretty weird responses too - a philosophical 'what is love ?' was a common guy response ! in those that didn't work out. A common thing for women who weren't in love was that they had brought their partner to counseling as a safe place to tell them it was all over, As well, I know you are addicted to personality typing but I really think it just amounts to stereotyping yourself and others and eventually misleads you.
@Miquinee
2 жыл бұрын
This is a really interesting topic, I see so many people talk about marriage that it shouldn't have the government involed. Marriage should instead have a renewal every let's say 3-5 years like driving license to see if you still like each other XD Really... why stay in it if you are not happy? Why make it permanent if you'll never know if it's going to work out? You buy a car 4-5 years later you may get bored, you buy clothes really how long do you actually wear it for before you buy a new one?
@jodiwest1382
2 жыл бұрын
So They Can Show Their Power & Control Munipulation Tyranny Etc Is What I'm Thinking
@notelspie98
2 жыл бұрын
I would love for you to explore more about finding freedom while in a relationship. Maybe different methods that other couples use that work for them?
@kathleenrivard2881
2 жыл бұрын
Great video! This is my favorite topic. The breathe metaphor! So good!
@renusawant9480
2 жыл бұрын
Batteries why people can be married to whom so ever
@adverteasing
2 жыл бұрын
Remember, love is and always will be conditional.
@jodiwest1382
2 жыл бұрын
Omg😂😂😂
@renusawant9480
2 жыл бұрын
Very true
@samuelpak7966
2 жыл бұрын
I know because of your bad christian upbringing experience you’ve grown to deviate from religion and I understand where you’re coming from. I agree with you in most points of Christianity, yet there is nothing that so accurately defines what love is to me “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
@Dzanarika1
2 жыл бұрын
Your Biblical definition of love is perfect ground for some serious manipulation, control and abuse.
@chadmulleitner2258
2 жыл бұрын
Have you produced a segment discussing the test that resulted with your personality type?
@ClayArnall
2 жыл бұрын
It’s one of the first videos I did a couple years ago - called ‘being an INFJ’
@robertisham5279
2 жыл бұрын
Is having an affair with a concubine audultry?
@Dzanarika1
2 жыл бұрын
Regardless what it is; it is part of this life, and this life is far from perfect.
@mohamed-ri6cz
2 жыл бұрын
Do you think an isfj woman and infj man are compatible!
@mohamed-ri6cz
2 жыл бұрын
@Ni-Ti-Fe-Se thanks for your answer
@ma6542
2 жыл бұрын
I’d say it depends …. Some of my Isfj friends can listen to my thought process for a while but i can tell it exhausts them so you may have to limit intuitive thought discussions but if all else is good and you can find another way of being fulfilled in this department it could work but then again , would that level of closeness be enough for you or would it leave you wanting more , only you can tell. Also while you may want more she may be continuously overwhelmed so also look at things from her side …..
Пікірлер: 143