Society: just be yourself Also society: no not like that
@parrotshootist3004
4 жыл бұрын
Its a more common experience than you might realise. In fact we made institutions to make sure every one has that as a moment. Some just conform better to the middle point of that. archive.org/details/addressestogerma00fich/page/18
@Mirandorl
4 жыл бұрын
P247 :D haha omg so true
@LogoFreak93
4 жыл бұрын
Yeah it's like "be yourself" means "be generically relatable" which means "act like the median personality of different neurotypical personality traits, be a little bit of everything all at once".
@truthspace5525
4 жыл бұрын
Society: Freedom of Speech is important! Also society: How can we stop these people who say things we don't like.
@brendalg4
4 жыл бұрын
@@truthspace5525 reminds me of what comedian Tommy Smothers said... We have freedom of speech here in America. And you better say what you're supposed to say.
@peterrabbit378
4 жыл бұрын
People dont want you to be yourself unless "yourself" is their version of "normal".
@dillbill7152
3 жыл бұрын
People don't know what they want
@jessstuart7495
3 жыл бұрын
Many people don't want to see you succeed either, and will deliberately undermine you as a way to validate their own self-worth.
@laurentbastings6790
3 жыл бұрын
@@jessstuart7495 How often was it, that we were the focal point of bullying, (serious) abuse, misuse in many ways, teasing, and other misery, by NTs NeuroTypicals?
@m.e.b9
3 жыл бұрын
Their version of what they want from you
@Isochest
3 жыл бұрын
@@laurentbastings6790 Sadism is more common amongst the Sheeple.
@hyperstimmed
3 жыл бұрын
"be yourself" "wow you're so weird" "why are you so guarded and unsocial?"
@mgd6087
3 жыл бұрын
One response to "so weird" would be "no, I'm original".
@edwhatshisname3562
3 жыл бұрын
Right in the feels with this one..
@alib1255
3 жыл бұрын
When I’m content and quiet at work, I’m labeled as being grumpy. When I ask why they label me, I’m accused of being defensive. I can’t unmask at work.
@danieldaniels7571
3 жыл бұрын
@@alib1255 I’m always accused of being rude or condescending at work, when all I do is try to provide direct and honest answers. I just lost another job because of it.
@AR-24
3 жыл бұрын
@@danieldaniels7571 everyone has a mind of a female, even the guys. Starting stupid shit cause someone decides to be reserved. Maybe if they were actually doing their jobs they wouldn’t be playing these stupid childish games
@publicserviceannouncement4777
4 жыл бұрын
Care too much= anxiety Don't care enough= depression
@mikuenjoyerXD
4 жыл бұрын
There are aspects of both in each
@TheRealXXDarknezz
4 жыл бұрын
For me it's rather: Don't have the energy to card anymore=depression
@publicserviceannouncement4777
4 жыл бұрын
@@TheRealXXDarknezz I alternate back and forth between the 2 or have both at the same time.
@JesusIstheNameTakenInVain
4 жыл бұрын
Yep I will second that
@frog985-2
4 жыл бұрын
where’s the third option? i’d like the hat trick
@ArtSickChic
4 жыл бұрын
Do you ever feel resentful that you've had to work so hard to gain emotional intelligence & a deeper understanding of how the mind works socially just to counterbalance the lack of effort by others to do the same?
@joabillama5776
4 жыл бұрын
Funny story: I once had two coworkers fighting with one saying I don't care enough about what other people think and the other saying I care too much. They were bullying me but they couldn't agree on what they were bullying me for 🤷
@shannonsmith924
4 жыл бұрын
Wow..yup. I believe we all get frustrated or resentful of that aspect. We care too much about loving others and being ourselves as we are, beautiful and unique. And others just have a lack of it.
@katrinakollmann5265
4 жыл бұрын
I'm resentful of the time spent and the opportunities I missed.
@ak5659
3 жыл бұрын
@@katrinakollmann5265 ... Yes! Looking back I realize that while masking is an important skill to employ, it has its limits. The payback is worth it to a point, but then you hit diminishing returns on investment (energy spent masking) and those returns quickly drop to zero. Now, in my 50's, I'm pretty good at assessing a situation and determining how much acceptance masking will get me then I decide if it's worth it or not. Maybe masking will only get me half-way accepted, but half-way is all that's needed... so I do it and there's a good outcome. But it took nearly 30 years to figure this out. I couldn't begin to calculatehow much time & energy I wasted or how many opportunities I missed because I'd been brainwashed into believing that if I just masked enough that'd solve all my problems.
@katrinakollmann5265
3 жыл бұрын
Im 31... I only figured out I was autistic last summer and I still keep burning myself out because I'm higher needs now than I was back when I was a masking ninja... I made the mistake of telling my MIL literally today and she was not ready... ugh. Are the lessons painful and hard forever???
@meriadocbrandybuck9833
2 жыл бұрын
I had a therapist say this to me recently & I was like: “uh yeah but the last time I went full mask off I got fired.”
@SummerOf1987
2 ай бұрын
This is so true. Now with the awakening/ realization process I lost many pieces of my mask. They are finally irreplacable lost and behaving „adjusted“ is almost phyisically impossible for me now. After 5 years in this company for the first time I expirience negative feedback. In the last month I „suddenly“ get taken to the side and told that my behavior is not ok. I work as a flight attendant. I am so done with ppl’s bllsht. Its crazy!
@desnicar
5 жыл бұрын
*JUST BE YOURSELF* _physical discomfort intensifying_
@gagrin1565
4 жыл бұрын
I don't even know how to do this anymore, let alone trust the result to be safe.
@captainswan3079
4 жыл бұрын
I laughed because I can definitely relate.
@TheFpskiller
3 жыл бұрын
@@gw437 lucky you
@SummerOf1987
2 ай бұрын
*freeze* fake smile I cannot control
@ThreePieceSuit2274
Ай бұрын
It's strange because if I absolutely drop the mask and be me 100%, I am so deeply afraid of being myself that I can't speak or I may yell or moan. But if I am 100% completely masked, I am the man, the myth, and the legend, and people see right through my fake persona.
@laserliftproductions6544
4 жыл бұрын
The “take the mask off” campaign wouldn’t sound so good in 2020 😂
@Blueravenclaw13
3 жыл бұрын
Yeah no kidding
@tiffy_loves
3 жыл бұрын
😂😂
@selectiveoutrage6617
3 жыл бұрын
I thought this video was about Covid
@calebsessions37
3 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂😂😂😂
@nullinvoid1415
3 жыл бұрын
I agree with BOTH!
@An_Ian
5 жыл бұрын
My childhood Me: I want freinds Adults:Be yourself Me: Ok Adults: Act Normal Me Which one is it
@Diego-lu5ud
5 жыл бұрын
IM Which*
@l21n18
5 жыл бұрын
The problem I think is that too many people assume that others are like them and therefore what applies to them will apply to you.
@theforeigner6988
5 жыл бұрын
Wow. I thought only I am this way. What an eye-opener.
@gamesake999
5 жыл бұрын
l21n1 Correct. For dating advice, everyone says meet thru a similar interest. That's how I can find friends and a girlfriend. My interests are Pokemon VGC, Speedrunning, and Psychology (mainly speedrunning).
@mysteryguy793
5 жыл бұрын
Ι would never tell a child to be themselves. Especially when I know their parents have such high expectations that they would beat them up if they didn't follow them to the letter. No. Survival comes first. Mask yourself if you have to.
@Leathurkatt
4 жыл бұрын
All my life I have been dealing with a lot of people just turning on me out of nowhere, and when I ask them why, all I get is "You know what you did!" and I sit there going "If I knew, I wouldn't be asking!" UGH!
@analindow4973
Жыл бұрын
Yes.
@fiercearmadillo6850
Жыл бұрын
Same.
@Mircea0106
5 ай бұрын
Same! (tho i dont have any diagnosis)
@eleonorelee267
4 ай бұрын
Oh lordy, I feel that! I have lost a few friends that way. I mean, if they refuse to help me out, I can just leave. I am also quite happy to be alone. Prefer pets, or trees. People are weird, at least the neurotypical ones, hehehe
@carolineobrien3692
Ай бұрын
Oh yes
@sharonthomas8807
5 жыл бұрын
I feel like my life was screwed up by this insistance that having friends is healthy and not having friends is sad. I'm happiest when I'm just left alone with my partner and animals. Friends have always just been a pain and I don't need social interaction other than with one special person. I think it's important that if people don't want to socialise that they aren't made to feel like it's another layer of not normal, or that they have given up. If I had been given the permission to be alone earlier my life would have been much more tranquil. Before I knew I was autistic I thought I was bitter but now I know it's just my natural state and I'm happy.
@TheFpskiller
5 жыл бұрын
same here
@ksfishchannel
5 жыл бұрын
Idk if I have autism but I have adhd and I'm the same way. I cant handle a lot of people it's very overwhelming and draining. I love being by myself. I like going to dinner alone, walking alone, etc. Gives me time to think. I also enjoy being with my partner and hang out with a friend here and there but I dont NEED interaction with people to the level most people do. People need to understand that everyone has different social needs. I dont know why it's always this one size fits all mentality
@ginacheselka6086
5 жыл бұрын
K.S. I agree
@bonnieaprillollipoptrigger6516
5 жыл бұрын
@@ksfishchannel 💕💕💕Same here
@christopheuhlin7309
5 жыл бұрын
Same here. Social situations always drained me and so did the rare little lasting(generally) friendships I had. I prefered my own company but felt compulsed to fit in. Now at 50 I do not actively seek friendships nor a romantic relationship but am not completely closed to the idea either. I don't feel I have given up but feel much happier when alone and pursuing my interests. Always keen to befriend animals though because what you see is what you get😀
@max010113
4 жыл бұрын
theres a photo of me with all the nursery classes when I was 3 and everyone is looking to the left but i'm the only one looking to the right
@remon563
4 жыл бұрын
@翁慈玲 interesting! I have a diagnosis of pdd-nos and years later I got a mercury/aluminium poisoning report. It turns out almost all autist have an abundance of those 2 metals in their brain which could explain allot of symptoms. Many people claim autism is purely caused by this poisoning (foods, air, vaccine, mother to child, dentistry) but I believe its mainly due to a genetic defecit to chelate these metals. I later learned and got tested for a condition called "kryptopuloria" which is extremely common among autists. It basically means your body does not hold on to vit b6/zinc, crucial for metal chelation, which could be one of the missing puzzle pieces that explains our symptoms.
@remon563
3 жыл бұрын
@Murtaza Arif Hi Arif, underactive thyroid is very common with mercury poisoning as the thryroid is in tandem with the adrenals (which take the biggest hit from metals as they produce cortisol your body needs in order to keep inflammation down from this poisoning). Fatigue/weight issues/sleep problems/massive anxiety/depression can be caused by this so it might be worth it to A. do a hair mineral analysis, to see what minerals you lack and if you have metal poisoning and B. check your thyroid levels to see if something is happening there.
@delicrux
3 жыл бұрын
@@remon563 your post are making me think i need to join a group of aspies incase there is more info like this i wasnt aware of.
@MrAlec78uk
3 жыл бұрын
There was probly something more intreasting to the right than a boring camera and your the only person who saw it the others were so bizy trying to "fit in" they missed half of what you saw.
@someonerandom256
3 жыл бұрын
There's one of me at a dance recital, doing something completely different with my body than everyone else. I have a really hard time following choreography or learning exercise moves. There's just a disconnect there.
@NickCombs
3 жыл бұрын
When someone says "be yourself" their only touchstone for "yourself" is themselves. And of course, it's hard to recognize your own flaws unless they're readily apparent. So they're really saying "be who I think I am (or wish I could be)."
@humanperson8418
Жыл бұрын
Ooo, that's good masking advice.
@joannemckann7948
4 жыл бұрын
When I was in high school, I also got rejected for masking too much. Telling me to “just be myself” was the most worthless advice I ever received! I didn’t know how and feel like only recently, I am learning to do that.
@p.m.5141
4 жыл бұрын
Looking at the videos and the comments, it is clear that aspies more or less struggle with the same issues. I also had to find out what kind of norms exist and then - which was the most tricky part - decide what norms I could agree on. Even today, there are things I wouldn't do (like shake hands, as I don't like physical contact) or things I tend to forget (like say hello). And I never explained myself. It might be clear that I don't have too many friends, but I rather have very few good friends than a whole bunch which are in fact just acquaintances. And I don't need to fit into a group as too many people make me feel very uncomfortable. It is hard to find out what is appropriate for oneself, but it is possible to adjust a little and yet stay true to yourself. Wish you all the best.
@nuclearcatbaby1131
4 жыл бұрын
I got accused of shoplifting at Big Lots even though I didn’t. I think it was because I acted like myself too much and they saw me as an easy discrimination target.
@maxbensen8783
4 жыл бұрын
I know, I'man NT who mentors aspie teen girls. Telling them to "just be themselves" is horrible advice. They are fantastic kids, but socially totally lost. Knowing how to be yourself in a social environment is a specific skill that they need to learn. We NTs absorb it automatically, ASDs need to be shown and have it step-by-step explained.
@keithwellerlounge74
2 жыл бұрын
@@maxbensen8783 Yeh this is like me with women. Like I want to date women and people say I should just be myself, but I have no idea what that means. I need to know exactly what to say to a woman I like, otherwise it’s like rocket science.
@raven4090
2 жыл бұрын
That was the most worthless advice I got for making friends too. And job interviews! ((Cringe))
@nitefox4411
4 жыл бұрын
Tony Atwood said "We need aspies who are psychologists for aspies." You Paul are one of those people. I hope you are getting a psychology degree. You explain it very well and God knows aspies need more experts who have autism.
@sarahvanburen7819
Жыл бұрын
Yes, please! I know "autistic social worker" feels like an oxymoron, but no one understands an autistic person like a fellow autistic person.
@maxk880
Жыл бұрын
He doesn't have to be a psychologist to help
@TheEyez187
Жыл бұрын
@@maxk880 He doesn't, but it could help, we communicate differently. In a "chinese whispers" sort of study a neurotypical group relayed a message from A to B fine, an AS group did the same and was fine, but the message in the mixed grouping got all messed up! It's like for a time I was going to be a drug counsellor, been there, done that. A none drug user could become a counsellor but there's always going to be a disconnect with personal experiences; in both cases there's going to be an understanding which can make things easier. They might have the knowledge, but not the wisdom gained through experience!
@jamesedmonds7519
Жыл бұрын
@MKraay When I first became aware that I was likely to be on the spectrum, I spent hours trying to confirm it for myself, reading studies etc. And it just left me confused and unsure if my self diagnosis was even remotely correct. Having these youtubers explain this stuff in a way that fits reality and is a first hand account if autism and not a load of nonsense written by a doctor who isn't on spectrum is immensely valuable. Having clinical professionals who have first hand knowledge of autism would be equally valuable.
@mattstephens8108
Жыл бұрын
Amen. God has gifted him with this ability to explain things in such an understandable way.
@mapla731
4 жыл бұрын
Except, the "socially acceptable" me was still never enough for anyone because they didn't want me to be me at any measure, people want others to be like them. Otherwise they bully you, ignore you, or they feel implicitly judged by you and make your life miserable. Being a student i was nothing but a decent kid that did her work and tried to be nice to people and all i got was people making up horrible gossip about me. My whole life i went to their parties and out with friends and did all the girly things they wanted to do and it was still not enough because i was left out of birthday party invitations and trips and "big deal" stuff, and school or work projects and promotions. Any kind of fitting in is exhausting; even if you are not trying to run around naked, people will be able to tell it is not genuine. And why would i want to keep doing the "socially acceptable" me if it never took me anywhere and i hated 90% of all the chores it required? So, yes, at 44 i have given up, i refuse to keep any kind of mask, and i do not give two hoots about what people think of me, and i at least live more peacefully.
@jobalak9761
3 жыл бұрын
Yes, I agree, I tried to copy the behaviour of others and be sociable, do what is considered acceptable but I always ended up being rejected, so I've given up pleasing people it hurts too much.
@MoonHuntressMetaphysics
3 жыл бұрын
46 and I feel this in my soul
@KARENboomboomROXX
3 жыл бұрын
@@MoonHuntressMetaphysics 54 me too
@Touay.
2 жыл бұрын
I am 48, I gave up long ago and was, 'til recently, fine with it. Life is just better when I am on my own. I have met someone who is really expressive and I would like to get to know her, but I have no idea how to do it .... I thought the part of me that needed companionship was long dead ... I am struggling now because I am around someone who is expressive enough that I can somethings read her expressions, but she is totally unavailable, and even if she were, I would have no f'ing clue.
@Kaiyats
2 жыл бұрын
Wait so you mean me trying to do things with other people I have no interest in actually is me masking so like when they were doing the girly stuff they actually liked it and you didn’t for instance
@cellgame100
6 жыл бұрын
I have Aspergers and I am 37 and have had many friends in my life, but of those that have been close, good friends I can count on one hand. For me a close friend is like a rare gem, hard to find, greatly desired, and possessing great value. My wife is my single greatest friend.
@graysthenewblonde177
6 жыл бұрын
SAW antz I can relate!
@RSid-o5e
5 жыл бұрын
you are a pure soul. and believe me 100% people in this world have same problem.no one in this world is trustworthy until they dont have deeds. world is beautiful because we have beautiful people like u. my 4 year old daughter not officially declared autistic but she exibits all symptoms and she is lovely.i love her and like her autism.😍😍😍😍
@zoesdada8923
5 жыл бұрын
If you have a lot of friends and you socialize easily you probably arent an aspie.
@nickmagrick7702
5 жыл бұрын
pfft, you have a wife your set man. Assuming the marriage is good. Friends are just a nice extra after that.
@xTwilightWolvesx
5 жыл бұрын
SAW antz Same here, man. That’s why it hurts so much if they leave. People just don’t understand how hard it is to make friends in the first place, and misinterpret it as being “clingy.”
@kittyfantastic7681
5 жыл бұрын
I would rather take off the mask and have fewer high quality friends then to wear it and die twenty years earlier from the stress. I have found now, I have multiple friends also on the spectrum. Perhaps socializing with other non neuro normative people is an option we need to take more seriously.
@user-zr6pl6nb6z
Жыл бұрын
I wear a mask in limited ways. I deal very sparingly with people and spend much time alone.
@Fawndelight
Жыл бұрын
I totally agree with finding your tribe, other aspies. Also meyers briggs personality types like yours which is wonderful wonderful! You can actually have deep intelligent conversations and friendships with your tribe, in fact that's how you find them. Look for people who share your interest and personality type and aspie diagnosis.
@taski1
4 жыл бұрын
as a person who didn't know I was on the spectrum until recently; Be genuinely helpful. there are those that will take advantage of you, and then there are those who will remember who you are and say thank you and say your name. It's the ones who remember you and appreciate you that are the good ones. *Those* are the people you want to be friends with.
@edwhatshisname3562
3 жыл бұрын
It's unfortunate that there aren't a lot of good ones out there though.
@davidhill5684
4 жыл бұрын
I felt as if I'd "missed the memo" - everyone else seemed to know what was expected.
@koloblicin
4 жыл бұрын
i thought theres a secret my parents will tell me about when i reach a certain age ;D
@jclyntoledo
Жыл бұрын
Not on the spectrum but have social anxiety and adhd and omgosh this is how I've always felt but more so when I was younger 😂😭😭.
@zoesdada8923
5 жыл бұрын
Ive given up on pleasing people, making friends, dating and keeping a "normal" job. I work offshore. Away from others. I come home and wander through the city like a ghost. All i can do is warn people that i WILL offend them and that i cant help what i say or do.
@kubasniak
4 жыл бұрын
Yupper. I gave up on pleasing people. I don't know if I'm on spectrum. Love my peace and solitude.
@nitefox4411
4 жыл бұрын
Yep 52 and fired for the first time in 26 years when I couldn't keep up with new changes in corporate world. I measured my productivity for 26 years and it wasn't going to magically get faster just because corporate raised the bar again. Productivity was the only reason I was fired. I am done with people. I will be homeless soon. I don't have the survival skills to make it on the street as a prey animal...but since I'm so old, I was never screened in school. I did manage to work for 33 years... Depression, anxiety, OCD control issues, ADD, GI problems may not be enough for social security but an ASD diagnosis would have helped. A doctor in my case said "There is no way you could have accomplished what you have with ASD." I wonder just how stupid she believes people with ASD are? I would go back to school and finish that psychology degree to be an aspie who specializes in aspies...but that medical doctor gave me an Axis II...I was a gender patient who was screened specifically for an Axis II by 3 psychologists and it was ruled out. I have no regrets for my transition. The pope claims those with ASD are not capable of making decisions like a transition. I am finished with NT's. They are idiots. Star trek anyone? Peace.
@Xtalllll
4 жыл бұрын
Right now I'm just so fucking tired. I may go back trying to find "friends" or "like-minded people", but I feel I'll need to recharge before that. For a couple of years, maybe. Meanwhile, some Star Trek sounds good...
@jasonclarke7422
3 жыл бұрын
@@Xtalllll beam me up 👍
@imaginefaraway
3 жыл бұрын
@@nitefox4411 in my 40s nonbinary, diagnosed at 35, gave up work 3y ago cause of my physical health declining, cant get state support where I am, am all alone and will be homeless soon as well, life is pile of cr** :( star trek would be nice
@jdmc1v1c60
3 жыл бұрын
I am 40yrs old and just finally connecting that I'm autistic. I couldn't stop smiling hearing this video knowing, I am not alone!! To anyone who watches this, I love you as a person ✌💪♥️
@AwedByOdd
6 жыл бұрын
Wearing a mask is exhausting. Going through all my stored data of nested "if-then" statements for every sentence exchanged is a lot of work. Add on top of it, most of it is guess-work because I can't really "read" the other person unless they give me overtly verbal feedback, and even then, sometimes people don't say what they mean. Very anxiety-inducing which just adds to the exhaustion. It's also depressing for a variety of reasons. How do you know just how much to "mask"? I don't know how else to phrase it. I feel like it's an "all-or-nothing" thing for me. Following your analogy, it's like I'm either covered in full, steel armour that weighs as much as I do, or I'm stark naked. Calculating just how much to "wear" sounds difficult.
@zoesdada8923
5 жыл бұрын
Nothing wears me out like socializing.
@sunnabluhm9790
5 жыл бұрын
how about dividing your mask in separate stages that you can set up yourself. that's how i started to do it and it feels like it works. i have 4 stages which i currently work with: 1) full mask= for contact with people i don't consider friends/at work/noisy places with a lot of people. 2)full mask with little breaks= if i'm close to a meltdown or simply too exhausted i have a set of made up excuses (for work/people i don't like/strangers) or roughly explain the situation (friends/people i kinda or might like) and take an actual break. i leave the situation, do some stimming, take a deep breath and then go back. 3)in this stage i divide my mask in 3 sections and use them accordingly to my conversational partner. i focus only on those 3 masks. i try to drop everything else, like forced bodylanguage, facial expressions, don't hide it when i'm stressed, etc. i use them for friends (or family) who are not very empathic, dominant and can only communicate between the lines (i don't know the proper term for this in english. i hope you get what i mean.) 3.1) verbal mask= for all people i listed above in 3) but especially for those who only read between the lines). i carefully form sentences that can't be misinterpreted or describe the meaning in detail to prevent misunderstandings. 3.2) special interest mask= for all people listed above in 3). i never talk about my special interest in detail. (about 10 sentences max. per person) i try to find similarities in their interests an focus on that. (i like art and storywriting. so when my conversational partner tells me that he/she likes trainmodels or videogames -i ask about paintingtechniques for these models, his/her favourite character design, level designs, the story of that game etc.). 3.3) social rank mask= this is mainly for dominant friends (or family). i try to be very composed, tell passive aggressive jokes, pretend to get angry or pretend to bear grudges to keep my social rank. as a female that doesn't talk very much and can't concentrate very well in stressful situations, i often get misinterpreted as shy or someone you can't respect. even if they don't mean any harm, dominant people tend to take you less serious if you don't stand your ground. 4) feel good mask/no mask= for very empathic friends (or family). i actually don't think i need a mask for my very empathic friends but i realised that some aspects of that mask make me feel good about myself. i try to ignore stressful things to a certain point, pretend that i'm not bothered by it or engage a deeper conversation with someone to focus on that instead of that stressor. it helps me to convince my brain that i don't have to freak out all the time. with that i'm a lot calmer and less nervous all the time. i also pretend to confidently talk about certain things (my memory is a MESS). but pretending alone increases my self-esteem. ("see, this time you didn't mess this up. you were right!"). i'm constantly working on that system but so far i'm quite satisfied with it. i'm slowly dropping everything from my mask that doesn't work for me anymore or isn't really needed (still trying to figure out which part of this big chaos is actually me and which is the mask.) this got longer than i expected but i hope that it might be of use to someone.
@andrewboylan130
5 жыл бұрын
@@sunnabluhm9790 this is awesome, thanks for sharing
@bonnieaprillollipoptrigger6516
5 жыл бұрын
@@sunnabluhm9790 💕💕💕💋
@Invisible-Rhino
4 жыл бұрын
you need to learn the C programming construct "switch: case".,,..
@Petertwohig1948
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks. I used to think (I am autistic and 72) that people loved me for who I was. Now I have been forced to conclude that the only the only person who truly loved me for who I am wos my mother. I don't think this breadth of discovery is available to neurotypicals, who seem to live in fantasyland.
@WesLott3rd
Жыл бұрын
Wearing a mask = Fitting into neurotypical people's version of normal. I found a trick that works for me every time. Look at what they’re doing or looking at. Walk up and talk about that. Be kind, positive, and constructive in everything you say. Ask questions, remember the answers, later refer back to the answers to show you’re listening, keep your comments short, and say very little about yourself. Be the mystery. You get lots of friends like this, but they like the character you’re playing (not really you). You rarely get to talk about things you like to talk about, and making everything all about them takes a lot of energy. After you get this person to like you, you can start acting a little more like yourself, but you need to change very slowly. I call it the Bill Clinton trick. Hell, it worked for him, so I thought I’d try it. Needless to say, I got phenomenally great resalts. It's, by far, the best mask I’ve found.
@countblackula4401
2 жыл бұрын
This is strange... I actually really DON'T care anymore what people think. No matter what I've done to "change"/mask, it was never good enough for other people. So, I gave up on that behavior. I am not at 100% all the time, and I know when to be "whatever the situation dictates at that time". Most NT people can be horrible, so I mainly have ND friends at this point in my life. I'm 45, and I just figured out I'm autistic a few months ago... everything about my life as I knew it was challenged. especially my relationships. Those whom would not be inclusive, or chose to disbelieve me after telling them I'm Autistic are no longer central in my life. Sad as it may be, I'm REALLY used to people not accepting me or including me. I only speak to one actual blood relative at this point. Everyone else seems to have become ancillary at best. I really, REALLY, am at a point in my life where I'm fed up with meeting the expectations of others and continuously falling short. I actually suspected from a very early age that the rest of the world and the people in it, and around me (most of all) were very alien to me and wondered what everyone else's problem was. Walking on eggshells around people because "I'm different"... For me, working from the standpoint of "not caring what others think" is a weeding out process. Based on the way someone treats me, I can tell what kind of person they are, and what they may or may not bring to the table. Been burned too many times with the "fitting in routine". Did that for most of my life. Done with not being accepting for being spicy all the time. If you don't like spice, have a piece of bread instead.
@seiretzym
10 ай бұрын
I also always regarded everybody else (NTs) as the ones with the problem, I'm glad I'm not the only one
@jaenmartens5697
6 жыл бұрын
It is especially difficult to be an artistic, empathic, fair minded aspie in our currently dysfunctional warring, and deceitful society. I just have to shut up and “be an artist” haha-that early label gave me some “artistic license to “be myself”. It is very lonely at times.
@jennyhughes4474
4 жыл бұрын
Well said! I hate lies and deceit, victimisation and bullying, it's made me ill. I've got a brain injury and we suffer from a lot of the same stuff as aspies but people know even less about us sadly, we're invisible.
@Leathurkatt
4 жыл бұрын
Same here. Third generation artist and bibliophile here, many just think I'm wierd or eccentric because "all artists are that way".
@Leathurkatt
4 жыл бұрын
@@jennyhughes4474 My soul brother is a high functioning savant due to head trauma rewiring his brain when he was a young child. I have seen the struggles he goes through.
@jennyhughes4474
4 жыл бұрын
@@Leathurkatt I'm an artist too, I used to read lots but since my accident can't nearly so much nor anything complicated (I can't understand it) or small text, sad, I miss it but art can mostly take its place; also lost my maths skills. Wow - sounds like it's good you found each other, great that you understand him - and he you! All the best to you/both of you.
@jpt5579
4 жыл бұрын
Speaking to my soul
@tiffanydalejansky1400
5 жыл бұрын
You explained this very well. I understand walking that tightrope. If you do “try” people say you are fake and if you don’t “try” then you are offending someone. So it’s usually much less exhausting to be alone or only with family.
@user-zr6pl6nb6z
Жыл бұрын
If you have a family that cares.
@imbassplayingrandomly4014
5 жыл бұрын
Hi, I'm and aspie, and in my experience, "be yourself and don't care what anyone thinks" is best applied as a method of attraction rather than a method of connection. Basically, it's all a matter of exposure, and if you meet enough people, someone is bound to like you. When I dont mask, which is 99% of the time, most people think I'm insane (something one of my friends has pointed out to me, not his opinion but other people's) yet i still have close friends. The whole point is interacting with enough people and seeing who likes you. The other meaning of "just be yourself and dont care what anyone thinks" is that you are naturally a universally likable person, or that your confidence will win the other person over, and this is a pretty dumb idea. I agree with the idea that you should be the socially appropriate self, and to me I just try to comply and be as normal as is mentally healthy for me, and not change my behaviour for people who dont like me.
@kendalliv8566
3 жыл бұрын
I act so different in school than at home with my family. You would literally think I’m a different person. But it’s just so hard to be myself cause people will prob not be able to handle me. In school I’m the nice soft girl so says weird shit to my friends. But without me my lunch table gets way less quite cause Im always being innocent and weird that makes everyone have a good time. I left my lunch table to sit somewhere else and they all said why did I leave and it’s so boring without me. But when I get home i can just be myself and be loud and cuss and say weird weird shit and just let it out.
@Dr_Wrong
2 жыл бұрын
This is a good point. Some people will like you. Aspies prefer to get high scores on tests.. if making friends is a challenge, then it's like a test.. one we'll get depressed about if we score only 50% .. rather than 99-100%
@emilymoran9152
Жыл бұрын
One thing I've really come to appreciate about my parents' approach to raising an admittedly pretty weird kid was the balance of direct instruction when it came to things likely to hurt other people or violate really basic social protocols, with just letting me be myself when you could honestly say "eh, only small-minded people would be bothered by that". For instance, I might get "If you let your gaze wander too much or get twitchy when other people are talking, they're going to think you don't care about what they're saying, and therefore don't care about THEM." Solid advice! But then when they found me reading behind the couch: "Are you crying back there? No? OK, have fun then." Granted, the "act thoughtful to other people where it matters and follow baseline social rules (eg. appropriate dress)...and just don't worry about the other stuff; anyone who can't see you'd be an amazing person to be friends with is an idiot" still did NOT work out on the playground - in part bc my parents were just too far removed to be able to explain the social protocol of 6 year olds, and acting like a polite 30 year old just made me seem more like an alien. But it DID work as I got older and hit the kind of social situations they'd been preparing me for at college, in the workplace, etc.
@sandramartin-my6gi
Жыл бұрын
Yes, both this video and your comment are spot on. Everybody (not just aspies) needs to learn how to behave in certain situations to just be appropriate and not hurtful. This basic socialisation is necessary for society to function. A level of this is not masking, merely manners. However beyond that, people are entitled to expect that others will accept their differences, and some will embrace them as they are and become friends.
@captainfatfoot2176
6 жыл бұрын
I was the kid who'd pick apart movies while i watched them.
@devilbuster20xx37
5 жыл бұрын
Saying it loud? If then,welcome to the club,pal.
@xxsideouz8953
4 жыл бұрын
I was the kid who always reenacted them, lol.
@synappticuser5669
4 жыл бұрын
I could check war movies for authentic weaponry outloud. Not a good move if dating! Eddie
@Ky-xh8zq
4 жыл бұрын
Me but as an adult, films are one of my special interests:) I can’t remember picking them apart as a child but I most likely did
@kubasniak
4 жыл бұрын
I do it after the movie. I turn in my ultra turbo analisys mode on and spew out the conclusions, intricacies in interactions, reasons for all of it etc. Some people absolutely love my passion for it and others can't say much or don't and I'm good at spotting when that happens. I don't think it has anything to do with Aspergers though...
@user-zr6pl6nb6z
Жыл бұрын
They dislike you for the way you are, then criticize you when you try to change.
@razielvingrimm
2 жыл бұрын
It is no form of good health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society. Well spoken Brother. It took me a long time to find myself. Its ok not to care what others think. As long as those actions are based on Love, as long as its not self centered. Im comfortable laughing at my own jokes and being myself in all regards but never at another s expense.
@7th-dimension233
4 жыл бұрын
I am 58 I have been a "Chameleon" since 1st grade and have a trail of life that's a reflection of it. It all ended the same... Now I am getting to "Tired" to try The world has no idea what They have lost
@MarkShepard
4 жыл бұрын
not sure if you'll ever read this Hanke, but I'm 58 too and finally figured out that THIS is what's been going on. I appreciate your comment and I feel the same way. I wish I'd known this sooner... or maybe it's perfect. best of everything to you.
@7th-dimension233
4 жыл бұрын
I appreciate your comments I feel for you really on empaths level, I generally don't get reply so this is rare. (maybe I am out of sh4dow b@nned hell)
@heide-raquelfuss5580
3 жыл бұрын
The truth is, people do not loose anything. We are only a raindrop in the sky among 1000.000.000 of raindrops. People move on. The world is not important. Only you and someone you love dearly and are in love with you too, is important. That special person is important. Of course it has to be both ways. Unfortunately, some times, you find a human, who is in love and cares much about you, even to the point of wanting to marry you. But you blew it up, for stupid reasons. And you end allone, broken and disgusted, because you where just inmature. People meet only at best 1 time in their life such a person. Even if there are women and men everywhere. It is an illusion to think you have plenty of choices. You just do not. A bitter pill. Maybe what i write is not relevant or out of topic. But yes... To fit in is exhausting. Life is struggle. There has to be a ballance...Otherwise you inplode. Bless you sir.
@mgd6087
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I don't feel so alone reading that. My version is "people have no idea what their missing." Conclusion: There must be more of us, so the world has not experienced it's full potential yet.
@blairadventure7460
3 жыл бұрын
💯💯💯 when I actually cared I beat myself up for any tiny mistake and developed a severe ED , now I’m older I just don’t care and accepted the no friends thing 🤷♀️ the middle looks like walking on eggshells to me and constant endless work as if life isn’t tough enough
@MajorKlanga
4 жыл бұрын
This was interesting and pertinent because I recently just gave up on life and I'm 55. The effort and the rejection have become too much. I also have or more realistically had a friend who has all the autistic traits and he recently went into full, turbocharged masking where he suddenly acquired an interest in football, binge drinking and various other mainstream interests and seems to have made new nuerotypical friends as a result. I'm happy for him in that respect although he has started to avoid me even though I was there to help him through various crises in the past. It reminds me of school when you were either with the cool kids or the nerds and there was no overlap.
@Cool_Papa_Funk
4 жыл бұрын
Right there with you!
@LordZero666
4 жыл бұрын
That's so sad. I would feel betrayed and alone. I'm 35. Since I have exactly 0 social skills I'm guessing I'll be just like you in a couple of years more.
@cnightingale9
Жыл бұрын
I have had this happen to me to. Haven’t given up though. I’m too stubborn. 😂
@user-zr6pl6nb6z
Жыл бұрын
I'm also in middle age and I've struggled with this nonsense all my life. I've retreated into doing my own thing now. I find people are hypocritical and shallow and I cannot handle them for too long.
@mirjam3553
6 жыл бұрын
Seven-ish years ago I came to a similar conclusion. It's like everyone and every group that I interact with, shines a light (desk lamp, not flashlight) at me; makes a silhouette. But since everybody has "their" light from a slightly different angle, they see different faces of this 'me-shape'; it makes all sorts of minutely different silhouettes. All are me, none more than another. Then I took it further: what am I like if there's no light being shone at me? Alone, at home or in nature or... Because I don't know myself entirely, nobody can know themself through and through... What am I actually like then? (just some pondering opportunities)
@verdakorako4599
6 жыл бұрын
Mirjam Proos This fits with the analogy I came up with that we are like gemstones Multifaceted with many sides and angles but others can usually only see one side at a time but rarely does anyone ever see the inside.
@autismfromtheInside
6 жыл бұрын
Great ponderings! :)
@mirjam3553
6 жыл бұрын
I originally also thought of gemstones - but not the cut into shape and polished ones, more like these shimmering faceted rocks like this: originstones.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/amethyst-origin-stones-featured.jpg (The way they're sometimes only shimmery inside and look unassuming outside makes for some good analogies too!)
@ladydrone2345
5 жыл бұрын
l agree with you completely on this, but l don't like the "mask" reference. l belong to an online Aspie group where the majority of the members seem to feel a sense of pride in rejecting NTs, and state that they will be "themselves" at all costs. l tell them that it is impossible to be someone else - however you present yourself, you are still you! l prefer to think of myself as multi-faceted rather than "masked". l can take a minor or dormant facet of myself and polish it up to become a more dominant facet in order to present myself well. l think of this as learning by observing others whose presentation l admire, rather than masking. l am learning to hone parts of MYSELF, and how to configure which facets of MYSELF to display more prominently in different situations. l find it exciting to be able to do this, rather than feeling in any way threatened or restricted in having to do it in order to be accepted.
@ginapfeiffer5395
6 жыл бұрын
I am on the Autism Spectrum too. Was finally diagnosed with it months ago. Originally as I was growing up I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. I've always struggled with fitting in and socializing. I even remember in preschool that I would play by myself and not even interact with the other kids. Through out my entire school life was very difficult, especially in junior high and high school. I was bullied a lot. Didn't have many "true friends." I've been hurt a lot by people and now I have a very hard time trusting people. Even though I want to be accepted, people are just too ignorant..... because of all of this I can see why a psychologist said I have Avoidant Personality Disorder traits. Years ago a different psychologist diagnosed me with Schizoid Personality Disorder, but I did my research and I disagree with that diagnosis, I and my parents believe I have more of the Avoidant Personality Disorder. Anyways, passing as at Neurotypical cause me exhausting for me. Doctors have always said I am immature and childlike, but I can't help it that I act more like a child most of the times. I am starting to wonder if I have the mental capacity of a child or if it's just the way my brain works cause of the autism? I can be serious too. My mom sometimes will tell me to act my age and I just think to myself "How? I don't know how a normal 28 year old should act. My brain doesn't think like them." >_< This makes me angry. Btw, great videos you have. :)
@melissad8824
5 жыл бұрын
In a room with twenty kids and twenty adults, odds are the kids will find a way to have an awesome time if allowed to, and the adults will stand around miserably trying to make boring small talk while looking for the exit to escape through. Acting like an adult is overrated, lol. And that is coming from someone who was told throughout my entire childhood that I was "such an old soul and very mature for my age." I was MISERABLE! Only when I actually became an adult and got my freedom to decide who I wanted to be--and how immature I want to act in private--did I finally learn how to really breathe and enjoy being alive. Now I regularly see adults and even elderly people getting drunk and crazy on cruise ships or living it up at Disney World and Disneyland, getting tattoos and motorcycles, growing their hair out long, coloring their hair in wild colors, etc. You know, all those "immature" and "irresponsible" behaviors their generations were judging everyone else for a few decades ago! There are times and situations where it's a good idea to be more restrained so you don't distract others (I imagine hooting and hollering at a funeral, tennis match, or golf tournament would be extremely frowned upon, lol). Certainly I put on my "adult face" while at my kids' school events. But check out how adults act at football games, soccer matches, and hockey games! And how many vloggers on KZitem now focus on collecting kids' toys and action figures, dress up in furry costumes just for comfort, etc.?
@elisatolle4931
5 жыл бұрын
I still find this difficult. I still do what I call "scripting" for work and social interactions but the minute that gets flipped my real self comes out and it's scary to some because I don't care about what they care about. It still feels incredibly isolating.
@Fromhershoulders
4 жыл бұрын
Your comment is so validating! Thanks for sharing. I’m 50 and just realizing that I may be on the spectrum.
@kendalliv8566
3 жыл бұрын
Same
@KristenFoshay
6 жыл бұрын
This is true. I agree: don't care too much about passing as NT and don't care too little about it either. Do what you can. Some of us will find it easier to pass as NT than others. Even for some of us who pass successfully most of the time, we will have periods of time where it is impossible. Being happy starts with being happy with who you are without the approval from others. If you don't like yourself other people will sense it. And also it's easier to find your path in life if you are true to yourself but it doesn't help to think others should accept you always no matter what. Great video!
@fredworthmn
5 жыл бұрын
Your video really hit home. As a child I did just do what I wanted because I did not understand other people. I ended up hurting other people and I also hurt myself. I was too full of terror to understand what was really happening. Terror leads to manic behavior which is also destructive. I lived behind a mask when I learned that if I did not, if I ran through the mall naked so to speak, I would get attacked, shunned and even fired. When I served in Viet Nam I avoided the infantry because I figured I would be shot by my own people. Later in life I came across a mask which was much more socially acceptable and have used that since. But the mask only serves to keep people away from me, like you said. All that is behind that mask is terror and the bad memories of "mall streaking" and hurting. There is no one behind the mask. My biggest fear is that my mask will allow someone to like me and, since there is nothing behind the mask, they are aghast at the emptiness there. I would die of shame.
@corsicanlulu
4 жыл бұрын
i have been shunned and fired for being an aspie, i can understand how u feel. u are not alone
@AustinRoberts88
Жыл бұрын
I feel this, I don't really know who I am. Like I've spent my whole life trying to be acceptable and now I don't even know who I am or what I want. And there's a guy I really like, and I know he likes me... But I'm scared I'm going to be "too much" because I've been told that my whole life... Ugh
@delightfullydotty7130
4 жыл бұрын
I can remember standing in the playground at age 5 wondering why everyone was shouting and waving at a plane flying overhead (this was in the 70s). I’m sure at that age I thought my classmates were stupid but as i got older I kind of lost that confidence and felt uncomfortable with being the only one acting differently.
@deborahb.1148
Жыл бұрын
It's astounding to me that some individuals aee themselves as so knowledgeable and special that they assume someone with autism is automatically weird and not knowledgeable or irrelevant. How many time have a finally opened my mouth and said what i thought of a situation and been ridiculed only for the situation to play out how i warned someone or said. It's because we are advanced and above their level that they cannot even recognize it and assume it's ignorance. It's sad to me. This world is the mask.
@anxiousmindmusic
3 жыл бұрын
NT 'be yourself' actually means 'be one of these socially accepted stereotypes'
@Dr_Wrong
2 жыл бұрын
.. "Be somebody I like."
@Dr_Wrong
2 жыл бұрын
@@doremirse9950 _"you act like it's so hard to act like a decent human being"_ Wrong, we must act in a manner NTs can *_interpret_* as "a decent human being." It's not our fault that NTs suk at perceiving and understanding _everything._ Nevertheless, we pay for NTs' unthinking judgement and condemnation.
@AmberyTear
2 жыл бұрын
"Just treat others the way you'd like to be treated and talk to them based on the same rule." Me: nearly impossible to offend, doesn't take anything personally, doesn't interpret other people's words through a thick filter of emotions, honest, values facts over comfort. Yea, it's been a disaster my whole life.
@jclyntoledo
Жыл бұрын
Yeah that advice is also so bad. I just remember that most ppl aren't like me and end up asking a lot of questions if I really don't know.
@patsabol8699
3 жыл бұрын
I have found that by keeping the focus on the other person, I can get through most encounters without too many problems. Just affirming their statements is enough to keep them going. This may sound calculating, but it works for me.
@mariai.g.r.2786
6 жыл бұрын
You make so much sense! Besides all of us mask NTs and Aspies according to the situation. Some people call it "wearing different hats". There is an appropriate way to behave and there is the not so appropriate way that will only bring you to the wrong place of isolation. It's like visiting a country like Japan or China or other countries where you should behave according to their culture. If you want to have a pleasant visit you need to learn their costumes and fit in whenever possible without losing your identity.
@Dr_Wrong
2 жыл бұрын
Adults are busy, friendship gets harder
@RB-hd8gh
5 жыл бұрын
Not everyone is wired the same--get with folks who accept others as they are; don't waste your time on those who don't.
@Dr_Wrong
2 жыл бұрын
Nobody does this.
@jakke1975
Жыл бұрын
So you're 100% in control of who you deal with in life? Sweet.
@LogoFreak93
4 жыл бұрын
I've always wondered why "be yourself" is common advice because it seems like nobody is really interested in the real Robin, but it's not like I can mask either, my best efforts to mask are able to get me to be "the weird girl" where I'm outside of the social bubble but at least not in another galaxy. But even that level of masking is exhausting. I dunno, it always seemed like "be yourself" means "be generically relateable", people only accept a dull and choreographed kind of awkwardness, but walking up to people in the store or other places and striking up a random conversation (and admittedly less of a conversation and more me sharing facts that I find interesting). I realize though people like people who fit in for some reason. I don't know. The idea of fitting in just always seemed so weird to me, like circular logic. "You have to do these things that others are doing because other people are doing them, you have to like what other people like, and other people like it because you're supposed to like it". Yet neurotypicals claim to value individualism, yet individualism seems to mean conform to _their_ group, not the other groups. I dunno, I think I'm just rambling. Sorry if my comment kinda went nowhere. It's just the only appeal that attempting to mask has is the fact that people are more likely to like me, but they don't really like me, they like the girl I'm pretending to be, which is really just a poor imitation of them. But I like talking to people. Is it weird that I have introvert tendencies of wanting alone time and no strong desire to hang out often yet extrovert tendencies to be outgoing and strike up random conversations and spend time talking to people?
@MrDardev
4 жыл бұрын
Robin Brown Damn Reading this is like Reading my own mind. I can relate so much which just everything you just said!
@kendalliv8566
3 жыл бұрын
Described me to a T
@Wiz.37083
2 жыл бұрын
For self protection, I learned a long time ago to stop trying to fit in...I had a few friends, but mostly avoided others, I loved being alone... there was always new things to explore, new things to learn... thanks Paul for your words of encouragement...
@Lgrace
5 жыл бұрын
funny as an ASD person growing up i always thought copying one's behavior was considered rude and annoying
@anAngelisHard2find
4 жыл бұрын
i work with students across the school and detected a pattern each time I ran a dance session....my AS students never willingly participated or actually joined in at all. They would linger to the back and stay there....I noted this pattern and it is very real and very very accurate in noting which students struggle with social patterns as you mentioned. Well done Paul. You are spot on.
@paulnurmi7631
4 жыл бұрын
I used to be so open and then when I learned about Asperger's I realized I had problems with non verbal communication which others just sort of knew. So when I feel really overwhelmed it is tempting to be too open. Now I know that certain things can make others feel uncomfortable which I did not know when I was younger. Have to intellectually process things in order to deal with unfamiliar social situations.
@valerieferro4886
3 жыл бұрын
Literally just had another convo with a NT who doesn’t get me at all and it’s exhausted 5 hours of my day today. I feel like I’m not on the board at all. I don’t want to be around people any more. I’m over it. But I’m not in the “I don’t care” spectrum cuz it’s not like I want to be myself around people and just not care... I just don’t want to be around people anymore. Period. 😢
@minibus9
6 жыл бұрын
would it be fair to say that, the best way to both fit in and be yourself would be to choose carefully what communities you become a part of?
@autismfromtheInside
6 жыл бұрын
It's fair to say that an actively inclusive community does make it much easier (and safer) to be yourself. They are not always possible to find though, so in the real world I have to find a way to interact with people even when they are not so understanding.
@eboneyhall2706
5 жыл бұрын
I am so glad I took off the mask, feel way happier being myself, than trying to please people that need everyone to be the same. Had more anxiety wearing a mask. Would rather be happy than feel unwell, pretending to be someone I'm not. I will be myself and not care what others think. Tried the opposite earlier made things way worse. What others think and feel about me, is not my concern. From valueing, accepting and loving myself then I feel more relaxed around others.
@Lbf5677
5 жыл бұрын
your name is ebony but you're white
@theyrekrnations8990
4 жыл бұрын
I agree . drop the facade . we should care but not too much . but that doesnt mean be rude or disgusting or disrespectful
@BEEBEE159
4 жыл бұрын
@@Lbf5677 Wrong, we're all black. Some people are just defective, in that they lack melatonin. :)
@safyafarooq2878
6 жыл бұрын
I wonder if the NTs are not doing the same thing. Acting. Playing roles. Change their personality in different inviroments, to different ppl. Maybe the difference is, that for Aspies it's difficult, because they have a deep feeling and love for the truth, and justis. Maybe the Aspies are bodered more about the masking and acting, because it's against their nature to be deceptive. Are there any studies in this direction that u know of?
@life-curious
6 жыл бұрын
That's an interesting one. I'm sure there are lots that do this. For me, mimicking can get socially and emotionally taxing overtime because it's not me- sometimes it can lead to depression for some folks. I know that some Narcissists are very good actors and chameleons. They do it with malevolent intentions that serve them only, they feel nothing as long as they can gain something from their targets.
@gulfgiggleanimations4472
6 жыл бұрын
That’s what I thought ... then again I’ve had to realize “Wait ... so you’re saying that isn’t normal?” For too many things, so I’m not exactly the most reliable person to answer this. Any NT’s in the audience that would like to answer the question?
@MrLeeFergusson
6 жыл бұрын
They do of course do this all the time, if your in any doubt read some Jungian Philosiphy or better yet play the Persona Series :D
@AwedByOdd
6 жыл бұрын
Sure NT's do this. I think there are some key differences, though - I don't think they tend to do it to the extent and intensity that some autistic people do, and without the resulting amount of energy depletion, as well. You may hear them describe it as wearing a different hat for different occasions (which goes along with his clothing analogy), whilst for many autistic folks, it's more like wearing full body armour. An NT is often still themselves, just slightly dressed-up or dressed-down, depending on the occasion. They also might more naturally be able to take the hat off once the situation that calls for it is over. This is part of socialization which is a natural process for most NT's. For those on the spectrum, this tends not to be very, if at all natural and can be difficult to comprehend. It's also very difficult to know what to do for each situation so we might be more likely to try to wear all the "hats" all the time. But we may also learn that hats aren't the only things that we need to change to fit in a given situation, so we start adding more and more pieces of "clothing". It can go to the extent that you can't see the person underneath at all at any point. All that extra clothing can become like a shield and once you find that kind of protection, being exposed again to the "elements" can be terrifying, especially since our "bodies" are not suited for this environment the way NT's are. Unfortunately, it can also be extremely draining to be constantly trying to move since it's so heavy, thick and stuffy, and we also have to constantly manage and monitor it, making sure nothing falls off or if something needs to be shifted. It eventually gets to the point where cons outnumber the pros by a significant amount. Now, it's so draining to socialize, that I avoid it. So I'm still lonely AND I'm burned out and exhausted... I'm well on my way to pursuing a hermetic style of life. So, there is a point in wearing some clothing, but not so much that it's out of control. The question becomes, *how*? Some autistic people struggle to wear any clothing while others struggle with wearing too much.
@safyafarooq2878
6 жыл бұрын
@@AwedByOdd I love ur analogy with the cloth. Thank u for ur very interesting thoughts. It was kind a eye-opener.
@Gooberpatrol66
4 жыл бұрын
The solution to this "be yourself - don't be yourself" dilemma is to think like a psychopath. Think about the people you NEED to approve of you (the people who have power over you), and then think about what they demand of you, and think of what behaviors will meet those demands.
@frowniebrown86
Жыл бұрын
I vividly remember the day I realized I was different. A group of girls were gathered around a girl who was upset because her boyfriend just dumped her. We were only 10 or 11 years old. I just said, matter of factly, “wow that’s weird to cry about. We are just kids.“ and all their necks turned and looked at me with such a glare…another girl out our her hand and said “god that was really mean!!” And I thought I was showing I cared. I started to accept the images people projected onto me. Took years to tell my own story. Still working on it.
@Eiraart
5 жыл бұрын
When you are in constant pain and your mind is on fire from analyzing everything and everyone around you 24/7 and you can’t find reason in the reason so many simple things bring happiness to those around you, you’re left to the conclusion that something is broken within you - if this is all you know from day to day it becomes easier to deal with life when you no longer try to care about what others are thinking. Being yourself is what we tell those we love when we recognize they aren’t able to please those people they care about that surround them - watching loved ones live in a world where happiness is as simple as another’s greeting smile or a “how do you do “ and your lost in the “what does that even mean” - “how you doing?” Do they really care, are they about to help me in some way, or are they just being polite and why is polite the good part of the engagement- surrendering to oneself by being yourself and understanding that to you the “hello” is meaningless dialogue, meant only for the moment, a dishonest moment, a polite moment where the “how are you” grants you the social points of the “normal” - so when confronted by someone who says “I don’t get it, they say ‘how goes’ but then smile and leave before the real answer is given - conclusion, they don’t really care so maybe it’s best if you learn not to care too - is this really wrong if not caring removes the pain of feeling that “no one” really cares, they just need to conform to the point collection - maybe enough social point work for others but I think for an Autistic person they feel better knowing they don’t keep score, and because of this they loose the job, friends etc but what they don’t loose is the sense of honesty they hold as one other their most cherished character traits.
@mrmeekcreices
3 жыл бұрын
@A S reading your comment made me pause. So many different ways of experiencing the world. His advice may work for some, but its never a one size fits all solution to the complexity of human emotions. also pain isnt always something to run away from, it can teach you and make you stronger. trying to be happy all the time is for people who are fake and cant handle reality. And just know there are people out there who actually mean and care to listen after saying " how are you". Its just not the majority, and it takes some time to get there with people. The more time you spend with people, the more they care about you and become invested/interested in your life.
@dakotanorth1640
5 жыл бұрын
I can't mimic others. I tried. I tried emulating movements, and word patterns. Doesn't work. I am still encouraged to be a clone and follow unwritten rules. I now try to be myself. Easy. But I'm still ignored. A no win situation. I am undiagnosed, yet I see similarities with autism, particularly Asperger's. I talk to the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully it can lead to something. I'm lonely. I'm ugly. I'm friendless. I'm discouraged.
@Dr_Wrong
2 жыл бұрын
Booze. Idk
@cyohe8643
Жыл бұрын
*hugs*
@davescruton2829
6 жыл бұрын
The not copying others is so tricky. When is it o.k. I still never get it at 44. I probably will never fit in.
@terrakengo
5 жыл бұрын
Fitting in is overrated.
@zoesdada8923
5 жыл бұрын
I used to take on the behavior and personality of others like a human chameleon. I still do sometimes.
@nickmagrick7702
5 жыл бұрын
just copy others, entirely. 100% what they do, but not so much that it seems like your mimicking. Once you figure out what people respond to, slowly dial it down to the point where you can express yourself genuinely without upsetting others.
@barraman.
5 жыл бұрын
@@nickmagrick7702 That advice seems harmful because you are admitting that you must first mask yourself. I've passed a bad time disociating, but I am still young and I have rime to live and build relationships. Still, I think that no matter the age, it's never late to start to be yourself. Personal case: I wqs taught with fear and shame not to be myself, I really feared and obeyed that person. The thing I started to do was stopping doing things because 'I had to do them' and begin to question whether or not I want to do them, ane why I want to do them (no arguments based on other people's opinions/expectations are valid). I know this process may be painful the first time, specially for those who suffer from Alexithimya (wrote it wrong?) for many years, but it is worth it. It may also seem that your answer to a really important question is 'I don't know', in that case, try to make you feel as much emotional intensity as you can based on the question, it can help. Anyway, I still have to go to un-make my life a mess. I wiss you all good luck. Remember, "attitude is important" I see you in the next conference of CEO's? P.D.A.: Don't avoid conflict, even if you fear the net result will be 0, it's totally nworth it to try.
@nickmagrick7702
5 жыл бұрын
@@barraman. sad fact, you do have to mask yourself. Regardless of popular opinions, people are not excepting of those who are different even in civilized societies. Its one of the things I hate about society and culture. Is it harmful? Possibly, but its better than the alternative and to be frank, theres no other way. The guy who posted this video is basically saying the same thing. Practice mimicking, then dial it back so you know which parts of your personality are appropriate to bring into social situations. Take it from someone who has gone through the growing pains, and tried stubbornly for most his life not kneeling down and submitting to others. I hate the idea, and to an extent, I think its downright immoral. But necessary, none the less, and life aint fair and its no ones fault. It just is what it is. P.S. I totally agree about not avoiding conflict, that that isnt a rule you can ALWAYS follow. When it comes to something important, you should absolutely stand up for what you believe in even if that means getting hurt or being an outcast. Too many people slink away at confrontation and abandon their morals to fit in and not be shamed. Even while advocating for mimicking others, I still say not to do that.
@jannertfol
3 жыл бұрын
I am a 'neurotypical' who has been watching your videos and learning from each one. Thank you for putting them on KZitem! I have recently become acquainted with a couple of people who are on the spectrum (who have been diagnosed) and it has been very interesting learning how to interact with them so we can become (and remain) friends. My initial puzzlement as to why their behavior seemed 'off' vanished completely when they said, 'I'm on the autistic spectrum.' Bingo! It was easy from then on, to engage with them and attempt to see things from their perspective, rather than making the wrong assumptions about them. There is the possibility of misunderstanding on both sides. From the neurotypical side, it's possible to misunderstand because we assume things we shouldn't, based on the spectrum person's behaviour. Especially if we don't know this person is on the spectrum. We may think a person is just plain rude, for example, because they don't employ social niceties to soften a negative statement. However, the person on the spectrum is worried that they MIGHT be misunderstood, because they don't know how their speech is going to be received. Or are taken aback by the reaction they get to what is well-meant and honest. Just as a first step, I think honesty and clarity are important for both sides. It's important for the person on the spectrum to be able to say out loud 'I'm on the spectrum,' and maybe explain what that is like for them ...as you have done so well in these videos. The neurotypical should also learn to be honest, and to express themselves clearly in words. Don't waste time giving hints. Instead, say clearly how you feel, what your reactions are, and what you expect. Both people can give feedback to each other as to how things are progressing from their end. When either isn't sure about something, they should feel safe enough within the relationship to just ask. One problem I've had with one of my new friends is his tendency to assume diplomacy is dishonesty. In a technical sense it is, of course. Saying, 'No, that's okay,' when something is not, IS technically dishonest. However, it's not 'bad' dishonest, like telling a lie to get yourself out of trouble. It's a social nicety, meant to keep the other person from feeling bad over something that is minor in the present, or happened in the past and no longer matters. We neurotypicals understand this unspoken code. But a person on the spectrum might struggle. 'Is it REALLY okay?' So much better if the neurotypical says, 'Yes, you did hurt my feelings a little, but I'm not angry or upset. Don't worry. We're fine. You were just being honest with me, and I appreciate that.'
@bobbobbing4381
2 жыл бұрын
This dude has been a massive help to me given my late diagnosis at 44. I used to hit myself and cause myself harm for not being able to make friends and fit in. I would always blame myself and couldn't understand why.
@buoydix
3 жыл бұрын
"How many friends am I gonna make if I run through a shopping mall naked?" At least a couple.
@agsilverradio2225
3 жыл бұрын
In a professional situation, I mask out of nesessity. ... When trying to make friends, I don't, becuase if they can't acept that they arn't true friends.
@JJR93
5 жыл бұрын
Often works that way, doesn't it? NT People: Just be Yourself Aspie [acts as themselves] NT People: Not like THAT!
@SimonPhillipsPhoto
6 жыл бұрын
Nice explanation :) I'm a aspie as well and was diagnosed last year at the age of 27. Over the years I became this person I didn't want to be and acted in a way that wasn't me it felt as if I was putting on a mask each time I went out, then when I'm told to just be myself those who said it say why do you look depressed then I say I'm fine. I like to be quite and listen because when I'm in a social situation I can't really connect with people unless its talking about something I'm interested in heavily. Now I'm working on trying to be more myself and seeing how far I want to push myself before I don't loose myself as that can make me get depressed even more. Right now as well I'm trying to work out what to do for work as I feel pretty useless but others see the side I don't, Since I got my diagnosis I've been studying autism and seeing how society deals with us and its not great, So I want to work towards improving this and to do this I'll need to work with an association who deals with autism. Also I used to have a heap of 'friends' but since I stopped taking photos at the track of them as I used to be a photographer I don't hear from them anymore which is depressing and goes to show they where only interested in being my friend to see my photos of themselves. Keep up the great work with your channel, I've been watching a few of your videos recently and also subscribed the other day as well :)
@tamarajessup1398
4 жыл бұрын
It can be a balancing act, especially because I've struggled to accept myself and reacted to the stress of interaction by "fawning", letting my desire to please others override who I am.
@kevinwillard1033
4 жыл бұрын
I can sure relate Tamera. I sometimes can be to agreeable just to grease the social wheels which I sometimes really regret because I might give someone an impression that I like something I really don't like. Later on ,I'm like very regretful and wish I hadn't given the wrong impression. I do this because I feel uncomfortable with the two extremes of either a blank staring non reaction to their excitement or concerns or, on the other hand an immediate strong negative reaction. I'm often saying "I see" or "Really" without knowing what they are talking about. 😬
@lindaburke5697
3 жыл бұрын
It is possible to meet people who genuinely care. Thank you Paul.
@Retrograde_cat
4 жыл бұрын
There is such a thing as complete, incapacitating burn out. Over the course of my life, I've had, and lost, more than twenty jobs. I started visibly shaking in 2000. Every year it got a little worse. At first, a break would get rid of it. Over time it progressed to the point that I was shaking so badly at work, feeling dizzy, and my heart pounding, that it made it hard to function at all. I'm on SSI, and the mask is off permanently. I'm on a beta blocker for anxiety, and a sedative for sleep. The stress of trying to cope with people in a work environment *broke* me. So use it sparingly. The well is not bottomless.
@drbarney1000
6 жыл бұрын
I admit that running naked in the context you describe is a form of bullying because to do such a thing requires the knowledge that the public will be traumatized by the threat of the sexual harassment implied thereby. However, because a convention against public nudity that is carried to the extreme of making a law about it appears a pathology, we should not have to condescend by joining society in its phobia about it. There are many cultures and communities where nudity is accepted and these communities are less plagued by sexual harassment than the rest of society. What is more, certain demands to "fit in" require a violation of conscience and a renunciation of one's cultural standards; for instance, supporting football complete with its concussion problems and promotions of unhealthy lifestyle or the fraud of commercial pop culture pretending to be an advanced serious art form. People deserve to be allowed to discriminate by choosing cultures created by people who presume the utmost dignity of their audiences rather than regarding their target audience as an uneducated unintelligent mob from whom to program to conform to something easy to harvest the maximum wealth and fame from.
@evanurena8868
4 жыл бұрын
Two words: thought control.
@ak5659
3 жыл бұрын
I've found that people who are 'artistic types' (even if they're not artists) tend to be a lot more accepting of difference/oddity/weirdness as long as you're clued in regarding the topic at hand. Example. If I'm a sand painting enthusiast at a sand painting meeting I only need to be on point about sand painting. If I go overboard an apology like, "Sorry, I so rarely meet other people with these interests; I tend to get worked up." is usually more than sufficient. So you have to do less masking. But mainstream society? Hopeless. I only mask enough for people to be civil. Most of the time I neither know nor care if the accept me. And honestly, most NT's make me think that most of the world's accomplishments have been made by ND people.
@johnries5593
3 жыл бұрын
My experience was that not only did I not get the "do what I'm doing" part until long after my peers did, but when I did get it, I rebelled against it, seeing it as totally irrational (to an extent, I still do; though I intellectually understand the need for convention and shared culture; and I've always made a distinction between rules/law, convention, and morality). And when I understood that the popular children were the very ones who were my worst persecutors, I wanted nothing more to do with "fitting in". It wasn't that I rejected people out of hand, but I was no longer willing to make any effort; people either accepted me as I was or didn't and I wasn't going to make any effort to reconcile the latter. And because of my social phobia, I mostly kept to myself. The interesting part was that once I stopped trying, I fit in better (probably, I became less belligerent); though even as an adult, I usually feel like an outsider, which is both bad and good (there is a certain objectivity one gets from looking at the situation from the outside).
@jbr84tx
3 жыл бұрын
So true. Both extremes are difficult and sad. Everyone wears a mask to some degree. It takes time to get comfortable enough with another person to show them what you really think and feel. And it's always a risk. As has been noted, people on the autism spectrum have very different interests than most people. This means there will be few people with whom we can establish an intimate connection. But there's a huge difference between few and none.
@annedodgshun7191
4 жыл бұрын
At 58 and after becoming aware of my ASD last year, I hadn’t realised I was masking. A really helpful video. Thanks so much for the advice and clarification. 😌
@guylamullins3602
4 жыл бұрын
I had a 3.8 GPA in high school but wasn’t allowed in the honor society because I couldn’t communicate.
@jeanlittle405
6 жыл бұрын
Wow, amazing video! This "balancing act" can be very difficult sometimes, especially when you're just trying to make it thru each day. Thanks for this.
@cheneypeacock
5 жыл бұрын
Masking gets really hard sometimes. Whenever I’m under pressure I kinda just say random things hoping that it works out. I don’t really know who I am or what I’d like to do when I’m older either and it scares me.
@Dr_Wrong
2 жыл бұрын
You're you. Knowing who you are would mean you're a stereotype, a caricature, an NPC, what writers call the cardboard character. Life is doubt. Doubt means learning. Learning means adventure. Adventure means fun, or death. You can choose 'fun'.. or pretend to choose it means 'fun,' because what are the options? Besides, you can only be certain that it means death.. If you've died.. So fkk it, your definitions about life, adventure, or fun are *_as Valid as any other creature in the universe_* If they don't like it, let 'em sue ya, the busybody fkkrs tryin' to tell ya what to do all the time like they've lived so many life times they got the bugs all figured out?? You'll get older all too soon. Carpe the deim.. or carpe tomorrow.. Ride the horse and explore where it bucks you off.. TL:DR, idk
@cheneypeacock
2 жыл бұрын
@@Dr_Wrong thanks for replying, I wrote my original comment three years ago so it's nice to see it again... kind of baffles me how I still resonate with it. ALTHOUGH I am not masking as much around my friends which is cool :) nice response, thanks!!
@7th-dimension233
4 жыл бұрын
This has inspired me to perhaps start a "High Functioning Autistic Nude Beach" so that we can let our hair down and run about... Metaphorically of course...
@IvanMartinez-hm9pn
4 жыл бұрын
As someone who's on the spectrum and growing their hair out, I agree in the literary sense
@7th-dimension233
4 жыл бұрын
Of course literally you can start the vlog and I will follow, I am sh4dow B@nned, no one will ever see the "Beach"
@hoinksmoinks4544
4 жыл бұрын
This is actually a pretty cool idea.
@littlebirdlife2389
4 жыл бұрын
I'd go tp that beach. It's not like any of us would look directly at anyone else's naked butt.
@ak5659
4 жыл бұрын
Actually, a lot of people go to nude beaches to chill. Believe it or not, at the nude beach I go to the gay male section is the mellowest area of the whole beach.
@jenniperkins4260
4 жыл бұрын
You’re all gifted brilliant and empathetic - all you need are the right ppl to love you and be patient. Bc I’m uneducated about autism - I don’t understand it but it sounds a lil like BPD which is caused by childhood trauma - far from what ppl may think - it’s not NPD.
@carolholm164
6 жыл бұрын
You are very articulate & you're are hitting a lot of relevant areas for me. My husband & myself are in the process of trying to get him diagnosed with Asperger's. Not so easy at the age of 58!
@synappticuser5669
4 жыл бұрын
Where I live there is no clinical pathway to an ASC diagnosis. I took the screening test of our local Autism Society and found no doubt in all tests that I am an Aspie, indeed on 2 of the tests I was rather extreme. Its not a clinical diagnosis but it is good enough for me and explained the problems I've had in life. I learned by telling close relatives that there is no guarrantee of understanding or compassion. I am content to be the outsider, the observer, people leave me alone and I like that. I am now 68. My worst/best reading? Empathy - very little - yet I have been a Medic for 40 years. It is a gift - see it that way. Eddie
@12dot12
4 жыл бұрын
We Aspies will always be perceived as 'weirdos'. Sad but true. I have sooooo big experience of rejection, being laughed at, misunderstandings, then rebelling and fighting for respect, then boldly trying to be on top, a leader for other people, with a great success and later a great breakdown, because it was so exhausting to maintain and to live like that... like a thief who's not meant to be at this place, because of being weird, unhideably weird - after some time this weirdness always came out no matter how hard I tried to be 'normal'. Now in the time of total social isolation and even some misanthropy I tend to think 'screw it, let others think what they want, I'll find people who love me and respect me as I am. No more masks, here I am, weird, excentric, take me as I am or freak off'. It feels like being a teenager again ;) somewhat refreshing after years of trying to be a people-pleaser to win friends and be fully accepted by my family and society. Nonetheless, your advice may be good and I'm gonna listen to your vid some more, because maybe you're right.
@injunsun
4 жыл бұрын
So relatable. During music, in elementary school, I could produce sound from any instrument handed to me. I used to immediately learn songs, and as that was boring, I'd harmonise, which the teacher could hear, to entertain myself. "Marching to Victoria," honey, I popped up an octave or two on the last syllable of Victoria. So fun. My teacher kinda knew why I was doing it, and since I wasn't being disruptive, and she could see my sheer enjoyment, she let me. I was her "Georgia Peach," with a thick Southern drawl. Gifted. Yay. But man, she was probably the best teacher I ever had as a kid.
@habituscraeftig
2 жыл бұрын
I used to think of my full self as being "too much" in most cases for most people. I conceptualized my social self as a kind of spirit medium that was channeling big powerful full-person me through the tiny mortal body that everyone interacted with. That was the mental model that helped me cultuvate how I expressed myself, but it actually had a delightful unexpected side effect, in that while curating my image, I made a lot of decisions about what was important to me and ended up focusing in a lot more in my weekly routine on what really matters to me. In a sense, then, l ended up *more* myself than I had been, running around, free-range. But I also became more legible and even admirable in the eyes of others.
@mellowed9655
4 жыл бұрын
I find it hard to be myself at work, when I am in my room my intrest shopping and research goes crazy, sometimes I just focus on one thing other time I link things. I like music (Roon is a great music player) I like media. Sometimes I have days where I can't focus, zoned out to the point where I need to stare at a corner of a room and think everything. I feel like I might try and talk more to people, I like talking to people at work, I just run out of things to say, I need to put in effort, I just feel like I go to do it, then I am like nahh, don't want it to be awkward
@bubblegumnova
Жыл бұрын
I was only diagnosed a week ago with ASD, I'm 30 and have spent at least the last 15 years very socially isolated. I think this video will help me a lot in trying to step out into the world again, thank you
@clarekuehn4372
5 жыл бұрын
This makes sense, but "take the mask off", is to help autists to feel more relaxed, not no mask at all (all humans have masks). It's not all or nothing. Sometimes a person needs to fit in and sometimes to rebel or be authentically different. You get to this only at about 6 minutes in. I'm glad you get to it. :)
@e.j.thomas9994
3 ай бұрын
I'm a female who's going to be 54 at the end of August, and I'm about to get an official autism diagnosis. You are the first person who understands the world through my eyes. What you said in this video made a lot of sense to me. I have had these problems too, but I didn't know why until now. It's such a relief to find someone at last, who gets my world.
@rhian2033
4 жыл бұрын
I was rejected a long time ago and stopped caring. I'm in a full time job that is very mundane but pays the bills, I get to do mostly what I want to regarding my interests. I have my 2 young children and 2 dogs as some form of social release/connection. It's kind of lonely and not very efficient.
@2marth
4 жыл бұрын
I wish contentment to you. Best wishes
@thewhite8782
4 жыл бұрын
I out of nowhere started crying watching this video. I can't even remember what my true self is anymore. Given up on society I stopped connecting to others and only meet up with maybe 2 friends once a week or so. My best friend and my family are so far away that I have almost no social interaction anymore. But at the same time it's so draining to be with my parents or among people that I need this distance to not suffer mental breakdown. I always identified as a fighter, but what I am fighting against is smth I can't win against. I don't know if I am an Aspi, although reflecting on my past and having taken an online questionare strongly suggest that I am. At least I am definitly not "normal". I know this is an older video, but still... thank you for sharing all this. For the first time in my life I feel like I could connect to someone.
@johnward9292
4 жыл бұрын
Makes sense, wish I had this knowledge growing up. I made alot of mistakes that I am very sorry for but even when I say I don't care I still am polite to people when approached. I was badly influenced by a horrible person growing up and didn't want me to be happy. My father didn't bring me to be checked out of autism because he taught I was "slow" so he made me believe that everyone was like me and I have biboler disorder but it's manageable because I am person who always tries to better myself.
@conlon4332
Жыл бұрын
I don't care what people think when they're people I don't know and will likely never know, or even meet again. Which honestly, is most people in a large open setting away from the town where I live. Like on city streets, like on planes, trains, buses, et cetera, like at hotels and places far from home, like so many people. It really doesn't matter what those people think of me, as I'm likely never going to see them again anyway. Let them go home and tell their families how weird I am, I don't know them either, so who cares? By contrast, if I meet people I know I likely will be around more and will get to know, I am often shy and cautious at first, and then relax and open up more once I know them. It's a stark contrast how I am with strangers, depending on whether I might be likely to meet them again or not. I'm more relaxed with complete strangers than I am with all but the people very most close to me, because I have no reason to care what they think of me.
@Jacques80120
4 жыл бұрын
It's like learning to juggle; getting the whole thing right of not trying too little or too hard ...
@coziekun
Жыл бұрын
“Just be yourself and not care what anybody thinks… Thats actually a really sad place to end up” “Nope, that’s it. I’m not gonna try anymore. I can’t try anymore. I’m just going to accept the rejection of society. I’m not going to try and connect. I’m not going to try and make friends. I’ve given up on making friends. I’ve given up on trying to find meaningful relationships. That is not a fun place to be.” No it is not. “Don’t give up.” 6:38 I won’t. Thank you for this message.
@pacman4853
4 жыл бұрын
I'd allways say: Be "close" to yourself instead of: Be yourself.. everyone has their own perspective on life, so it wouldn't make sense for me to expect people to behave in a way that I'm used to. ps: being yourself is a code language for act the way thats percieved and accepted by society.. which is a joke since most standards are set and by (mostly) moronic people who dont know what the hell their doing..
@TSPH1992
4 жыл бұрын
You have a point
@BeeWhistler
5 жыл бұрын
You’re absolutely right about not telling us to be ourselves. But I just don’t have the energy to try anymore most of the time, at least not enough to craft a persona that shows who I really am without showing too much. I’ve tried in the past to start with that kind of thing, but the moment I start to get settled I slip and get a little too open and by the time I realize I’ve misconstrued the situation it’s too late. Their weirdness sensors have been triggered and I add to it until I finally discover I’ve missed the mark the day I notice they have started heading a different direction when they see me coming, or worse, the day they lose it and tear into me. So I could apologize every time this happens but it would basically mean spending my whole life trying to salvage friendships by apologizing for being me. And by then you’re classified in the “being nice to her out of pity” section, not the “different but likable” section. I’m the kind of person they enjoy seeing on tv, not knowing in person. I can see the “oh, no, it’s her” look when I enter a room. Trying didn’t fix it. And I’m so, so tired. I prefer my own company most of the time. At least I know where I’m coming from.
@mariabyrne7222
5 жыл бұрын
It is interesting what you say, as a neruo typical, you know more about how I funtion than I do myself. I always thought I did not care to be like anyone else, but when I was growing up, I was interested in the same magazines, we wore simliar choes to each, other, we had our own preferences too. We enjoyed the same activities, I even went to try dancing because my friends were doing it and though I enjoyed it I did it because it was socail thing and I got my friends to do some of the things I liked doing in the same way. Your very wise to know how people are. and what they do and why they do. I, if I want to know how autistic people work I have to ask them or watch their videos. I am not wise enough to understand how people with autism funtion, without being told.
@ThreePieceSuit2274
Ай бұрын
Hello. I am autistic also. I prefer when people are completely upfront, and I respect and appreciate that greatly in you. I won't make this comment too long, as I often feel afraid by big scary messages. I just wanted to say I am amazed by how well put together this is, and I appreciate your insight and comfort you brought to me. 👍
@salemthorup9536
5 жыл бұрын
You explain this very well. Thank you for creating this content.
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