The Department of Homeland Security realizes they have an epidemic on their hands.
"Pandemic" S12
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INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - MEETING ROOM -- DAY
It looks like a standard, government homeland security presentation room. There's a podium in front of the large screen instead of off to the side, and the audience is a mix of people in suits and military personnel.
Michael Chertoff
Ladies and gentlemen, our nation and our world is facing an economic and ecological crisis of disastrous proportions. I'm talking of course, about Peruvian Flute Bands.
Music sting and the audience members all murmur to one another.
AUDIENCE
(murmurs)
Chertoff uses a remote control A large world map appears behind him, with red dots mostly in the big cities.
Michael Chertoff
The red dots indicate where the highest concentrations of Peruvian Flute Bands are. All over the world, wherever there are tourists or shoppers, there are now on average, sixty-five Peruvian Flute bands per square kilometer. General?
A new general we've never seen before, a black guy, walks up with his hands behind his back.
GENERAL
France, Japan and the northeastern United States are currently the hardest hit. Make no mistake - This is a Pan Flute EPIDEMIC.
MAN IN THE AUDIENCE
(standing up)
A PANDEMIC?
He sits back down.
Michael Chertoff
Three countries in Asia, and seven in Europe have already asked for our help in getting rid of their Peruvian Flute Bands. We will need every resource available to see this through.
MAN IN SUIT
Excuse me- but aid other countries?
Michael Chertoff
Senator?
MAN IN SUIT
With all due respect, we need to be dealing with our OWN Pan Flute Bands, let other countries fend for themselves.
The general steps forward with a scathing look.
Michael Chertoff
You heartless bastard.
Cut back to the suited guy staring at him.
Michael Chertoff
This COUNTRY was founded on beliefs in FREEDOM and INTEGRITY. And we WILL NOT sit back and do nothing while less fortunate countries are ravaged by Peruvian Flute Bands. Is that clear!
The guy in the suit sits down and starts crying.
MAN IN SUIT
(crying)
Michael Chertoff
As director of Homeland Security I am taking control of the military until the crisis is contained.
Негізгі бет Комедия There is a Pan Flute Epidemic - SOUTH PARK
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