Give the gift of no contact to avoidants who didn't want to make relationship work and expected things to "just be". focus on healing and being best version of yourself 💯
@Fuckogf
3 ай бұрын
I wish I never met him
@TraceySwann-u1v
3 ай бұрын
I put a bow on it too! 😂
@kaykay422
3 ай бұрын
I am so sick of the, “just let it be” phrase !
@walkertranger5746
3 ай бұрын
When you love someone so much and they know they are BPD AND a DA … and you also know they are …. It’s painful to not see them healed and be pushed away . It’s almost as bad as the loss of a loved one who has passed on
@anjijack5392
3 ай бұрын
Oh my gosh, yes!!
@Pancakespls
3 ай бұрын
He didn't lose me, he never had me, he never knew me or wanted to know me.
@alexanderfinlayson3555
3 ай бұрын
You sound like me
@rachg86
3 ай бұрын
Ugh. I feel this. So sorry you went through this
@Jooniper56
3 ай бұрын
Never *wanted* to know me..oof cant tell you how painfully true that is!
@Tangerinedream1984
3 ай бұрын
I feel the same way. But I also feel like I never knew him
@ericamerino7253
2 ай бұрын
Woah…. This resonates….
@frenchie4882
2 ай бұрын
This kind of relationship will make you question your worth. Run! And fast. I should have heeded the red flags at the beginning instead of wasting a decade of my life on someone unwilling to offer basic empathy or support.
@mheartshape6817
2 ай бұрын
they are disturbed to the core and some of them are narcissists like hell without empathy to realise what they do to people.
@williamjlusk7940
2 ай бұрын
But thank God you're out of it. It's painful at first, but all the gaslighting and distancing and non-involvement will be easier to say good-bye to every day that goes by...
@ashshaunts6989
2 ай бұрын
Sounds like my x now he a narrcisit didn't realize till 5 yrs later no mater if I was sick or someone know died alway about him n his own stuff no empathy
@EternalLove.1111
Ай бұрын
I am at 2 yrs no more he aint worth it
@suzy7773
22 күн бұрын
Mine literally said he doesn’t feel empathy Maybe sympathy but never empathy because others peoples problems aren’t his. This was a huge red flag 🚩
@markgillus99
3 ай бұрын
No. Just no. Hold no contact. Find somebody with communication & that’s scared to lose you.
@user-cl6uj5bn2f
2 ай бұрын
💯🎯🙌
@towandastarks8182
2 ай бұрын
Amen!!!
@bobmccarter4135
Ай бұрын
I don’t want someone “scared to lose me”. I want someone eager to keep me. As I would them.
@dlouise64
Ай бұрын
so someone who has anxious attachment 🥴😅
@leestephen4288
12 күн бұрын
💯
@wendydaniel1110
3 ай бұрын
I navigate my relationships with a D.A by avoiding them completely .
@30sandrita1
2 ай бұрын
What is D.A.?
@lotusphoenix8
2 ай бұрын
Best decision
@daggerix445
2 ай бұрын
Good one. And good 👍
@30sandrita1
2 ай бұрын
@@wendydaniel1110 Will somebody answer me? What is D.A.? Please!
@lotusphoenix8
2 ай бұрын
@@30sandrita1 Dismissive Avoidant 😊
@PspTomisi
Ай бұрын
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
@laurawheeler-px6oz
Ай бұрын
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
@PspTomisi
Ай бұрын
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
@laurawheeler-px6oz
Ай бұрын
Her name is shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
@PspTomisi
Ай бұрын
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@auburnwithalake
Ай бұрын
What a simple and wholesome exchange on the internet! ... almost seems TOO simple and wholesome. 🤔🧐
@brownell.landrum
2 ай бұрын
A message to any DA reading this: You want to cut things off? Fine. But you do not need to be an a-hole when you do it. Don't lie or cheat. Be kind. Be honest. Show some freaking compassion.
@juliacopelanddismuke5000
2 ай бұрын
Absolutely 💯
@kingarthur5110
Ай бұрын
Agreed. Problem is they can't. Showing compassion for their partner they just dumped means accessing their feelings for that person, which they absolutely will not do at the 'discarding' stage. I went through this 2.5 months ago when my wife of 14 years abruptly told me she doesn't think she has feeling for me anymore and cut me off. No tears, no discussion, no emotion of any kind.
@brownell.landrum
Ай бұрын
@@kingarthur5110 Then they need to NEVER EVER be in ANY relationship because this behavior - for ANY reason - is cruel and toxic.
@kingarthur5110
Ай бұрын
@@brownell.landrum no argument from me. I still can't get over how uncaring my wife was when she discarded me out of the blue.
@felipefregginrules
Ай бұрын
Not excusing, but as a DA, our flight or fight mode causes us to go completely numb so that we can do whatever is necessary to soothe, cutting ourselves off from the capacity to be empathetic in those moments
@sifublack192
3 ай бұрын
Focusing on your hobbies and interests after a breakup will ALWAYS put things into the proper perspective. Plus, you'll find that the RIGHT people will start coming into your life as you've opened yourself up for them to enter.
@LSGO90
3 ай бұрын
You could also argue this is how a dismissive avoidant would rationalize the breakup in those initial stages. Hobbies and interest = creature comforts
@sifublack192
3 ай бұрын
@@LSGO90 creature comforts suggest unhealthy habits such binge watching television or drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. Focusing on hobbies and interests actually help your mental clarity and keep you in a mindset of abundance. Thais actually talks about it in several videos on this channel.
@jeanlaubenthal698
2 ай бұрын
Working on your health is also amazing as it really keeps you moving and as body gets better one can experience getting better. Imo
@sifublack192
2 ай бұрын
@@jeanlaubenthal698 yes, this is true as well.
@kylereese9462
3 ай бұрын
Don’t believe anyone telling you a DA will ever miss you and want to come back. Once you break up with a Da, the “nothingness” you felt in the situationship with them will instantly turn into a complete void, nothing. DA’s never heal, never change, never come back. Just feel lucky that you woke up from the nightmare of being in a “relationship” with such a flawed person and move on, never look back. Don’t waste any more of your valuable time and emotional capital. Thank me later.
@lalaurlalala
2 ай бұрын
I might end up eating my words, but the da in my life ended up telling me that the distance gave him time to think, and that after thinking about me every day for 5 months he just couldn't deny that he was in love with me anymore.
@MichaelMike
2 ай бұрын
@@lalaurlalala My ex DA checked out late in the relationship and post separation she's fully committed to being alone. Throughout the relationship she struggled to express any true emotion, attachment, appreciation, respect, etc. I had no idea. I'm just seeing all this now.
@JasmineJones-u9c
2 ай бұрын
negative perspective. People are not labels and one size fits all. They are complex and every situation is not black and white. It could be true for some situations but not for all
@dean_cadancex6277
2 ай бұрын
As much as this can be true for some people, being a DA can also be mixed with different reasons as well. Mine broke up with me because he realized we were getting real and he started to think about himself and his traumas, he didn't want to destroy one's genuine soul by staying with them even if he struggles with it as well. He told me he wasn't ready for love yet and that he has to change in all aspects so that he can finally put up with an anxious partner like me (whom used to be a secure but became an anxious due to his avoidance) so we went out separate ways.. sometimes DA's didn't want to be the way they are but it is their pains and unhealed wounds that drives them that way, and often times they just need way more time to evaluate things than an anxious does, so although I love him to the extent of wanting to fight for us still, understanding why he has to leave brought me comfort and peace because he is striving to be a better person for himself and others, as well as protecting someone like me from being hurt by him. . Still don't know if we can still work things out in the future when we're ready, and have fully grown matured to put up with a long-term commitment, as long as we're both happy despite it being with us or someone else.. I'm good. Really just do need to study one's being that causes them from being who they are, not experience one and assume that goes for everyone else. It's all different and we just gotta have to be firm on our own situation than others' perspective about it.
@rileycookart
2 ай бұрын
@@MichaelMike sounds like my ex to a T.
@cc-ny7wi
3 ай бұрын
Love them despite their damage and walk away.
@user-cl6uj5bn2f
2 ай бұрын
🙌🎯💯
@Teriyaki-vj8ny
2 ай бұрын
Doing this ❤
@jessicab331
2 ай бұрын
Key words “and walk away”!!!
@adeshwodan4679
13 күн бұрын
Just keep walking . . . lol ❤😂🎉😂❤
@RobbiJamesVogt
3 ай бұрын
I treated my avoidant like gold. I loved her with all my heart. Unfortunately, she brought each of her past relationships into our relationship. She told me I didn’t let her in. She met all of my friends and family, I’m still waiting to meet her friends (2year relationship). As soon as I brought up marriage, etc, she changed and couldn’t handle the pressure and anxiety of commitment. Vulnerability - forget about it. She was lost. I suggest not dating man avoidant until they heal themselves.
@melim7368
2 ай бұрын
not willing to meet their friends is a huge red flag. after 6 months of an intense relationship he still wouldn't let me meet his friends and family that he was spending more time with me, even little things like going to the beach or dinners or clubbing and his friends would have their girlfriends there. he kept promising things would change and they never did. finally had to end things after being hidden from his friends and family for 6 months and it sucks.
@aryansarvian3045
Ай бұрын
I'm in the exact same situation... everything was healthy. I navigated things well (in terms of attachment styles). Until the end. We hit our first rough patch after 2 years, when i brought up future goals. She blindsided me. The day after my birthday.... (this past weekend). All things considered, handling it well. Just cold way to end things. Do you have IG?
@ninjaneerz8350
Ай бұрын
Going through excact same thing
@JEEPBABYB
3 ай бұрын
It’s a waste of your life wait for a DA 😢 don’t make that mistake u will lose yourself and it’s hard to come back
@chrismaxwell1624
3 ай бұрын
Avoid the other 2 well if you feel that way.
@virginialee5065
2 ай бұрын
@@chrismaxwell1624 true! it's like avoid people completely, it's a lot less work! :D that's exactly how avoidants think in general - "it's a waste of your life to commit to a realtionship" :-) i've had a very close friendship with an avoidant (which ended in pain because.... she's a DA and I'm a FA lol) and it was the closest relationship I've had with anyone. so i would never say that "it's a waste of life" to wait for them. you're either compatible and grow closer or you're simply two people who don't connect at all and try to mold each other into something you're not, which is not a sigh of a healthy relationship...
@preciousdaughterofChrist-g4r
Ай бұрын
I lost myself and it’s so hard for me to come back I am truly heartbroken 😢 I’m also in therapy trying to heal…I miss him so much but I’m in much pain
@jill1305
3 ай бұрын
He jumped right into the next relationship immediately so he didn’t have to be alone. There’s no way he even thinks about the relationship he had with me for 5 years.
@os3688
3 ай бұрын
not possible lol. your mindset toward that is wrong. 5 years is way too long to just forget their ex. that relationship will certainly not last. stay no contact and build your self confidence back up. get mad at the fact he left you for another girl. you will find yourself moving away from even wanting him back. good luck
@hectorolivares5071
3 ай бұрын
Yea rebounds almost never last, something I learned
@zionelelartista7190
3 ай бұрын
@@os3688you nailed this comment good shit please take this advice! & listen to what was said that person is a rebound he’s with and he’s tryna mask his situation but jumping into something without properly healing will crumble
@Tatiana-oz2fn
3 ай бұрын
@@hectorolivares5071no, lots of The time they do lol
@Bloodsport1337
3 ай бұрын
Are you stupid?
@Scruffmcbufff
3 ай бұрын
It’s been 8 months. We were together nearly 6 years. She never came back. I realized she has a history of avoidant attachment and was non confrontational. She compartmentalized all her trauma and always ran at the sense of difficulty. It’s just who she is. It’s who she’ll continue to be unless she gets the help she needs.
@MrMsadley
3 ай бұрын
And that help will not happen given the avoidance. Rinse and repeat
@alfredobermudez6430
3 ай бұрын
Dam I was nearly 4 years with her it has been 1 month I am looking for other it sucks
@hanzolo7719
3 ай бұрын
I was with one of these girls for 8 years. She left and I was absolutely crushed. Wanted her back so badly. But by the time I started to heal and move on, she was constantly trying to come back and get back together. It took a me around 2 years to fully get over it. Long relationships take a while to heal from, and getting back with them feels safe and comfortable, but you gotta just let them go. Trust me I’m so much better off now.
@smokingcrab2290
3 ай бұрын
They avoid everything including responsibility
@tiffanyburke2785
3 ай бұрын
Sorry. I ended my 5.5 year relationship recently. He said maybe down the line I’ll realize you’re the love of my life and I let you get away. So heartbreaking.
@tylerrow2109
2 ай бұрын
I'm an avoidant personality and have found I have to be constantly self aware and always working on myself. I do believe I've ruined relationships in the past and I have created so much shame on myself for them and am now trying to break down my stigma of shame. I am tired and exhausted to the point existing is difficult to a point because I'm constantly trying to be vigilant and this in turn has caused other issues in me. I have found my quickness to turn to shame is the root of most of my issues. It takes patience on myself and equally someone willing to be patient with me. I'm fortunate to have a very understanding and patient partner of 6 years now that is willing to extend me grace. Truly constant open non judgmental communication is the most important.
@mariamccann4024
6 күн бұрын
Thank you for sharing this positive example. Sometimes it is finding the right person who can extend grace, compassion and patience. As well as, good communication to work through issues.
@leticiajackson2237
3 ай бұрын
I just left no need to say anything. Bye!
@djsugarbear6715
2 ай бұрын
I see little difference between avoidant and covert narcissist honestly.
@cynthia-jo1zz
2 ай бұрын
Covert narcissist...😂😂😂😂 Honestly i am laughing at him because he is the one who lost 😊.
@SB-io9iw
2 ай бұрын
The only difference is the empathy narcissistic personality lacks no remorse on discarding . As a dismissive may feel guilty but neither will ever apologize.
@cspace1234nz
2 ай бұрын
....yeah I was starting to think that myself. I also see them as being somewhat sociopathic but I don't actually think they are either in reality, just have strong traits of both. Either way, best stay well away from them, they can be extremely destructive human beings.
@zabooza74
2 ай бұрын
There are pretty much the same but I wouldn't condemn narciscism per se since it can be a strong source of willpower for many people. In my opinion only the petty mostly extroverter narcicists are a huge problem. They are mostly vain women and if they are men they are kinda effete (and mostly gay) and annoying. It's usually more a high on ostrogen than androgen thing. Personally don't think manly men can be narcissistic, overambitious at most. But narcissim per se is a feminine trait since it stems from vanity...
@kath3832
2 ай бұрын
@@zabooza74 what??? Narcissistic personality disorder isn't caused by vanity, and happens in men and women. It's a personality disorder. Research it a bit mate.
@chrislim7976
2 ай бұрын
The lesson to learn is avoidants are wasting your time and they need therapy not relationships.
@rogerr2004
2 ай бұрын
Are you asking: what were my faults in the relationship ? Where did I fall short ? Don’t assume your partner is an avoidant because you didn’t work on the things your “avoidant” partner often talked to you about. If they’re gone.. grief, get back on track with who you are and what you love to do, and the rest will fall into place. 8 billion people in this world
@ceciliamac4283
Ай бұрын
Yes ❤❤❤
@HingleMcCringleberry630
2 ай бұрын
Woo I’m currently in a situation with a DA. I’m the anxious one. We haven’t dated but we have feelings for each other. When he becomes vulnerable it is so beautiful we have so much in common. Then it’s like he realizes he’s becoming vulnerable and closes himself off to me. It hurts. And he’s the one who pursued me and got me to fall for him. I tried to avoid him and be mean. It just made us both miserable. We keep going through this cycle and I’m tired of it. Does not help that we work together. The struggle is real.
@Mila-uw5sz
Ай бұрын
the same 😢
@SuperCanonshooter
2 ай бұрын
Having a “relationship” with an avoidant is an incredible lesson that my value and worth has absolutely nothing to do with her lack of love and care. Her mental issues are not mine. I can still love her regardless and I can be and am still loved dearly every single day…just not by her. Do I deserve to be loved by her? I guess…but we have a precious child together and we are all worth being together everyday even if our avoidant is currently walled up.
@empuwm
26 күн бұрын
Needed to hear that. My avoidant broke up with me and he said « this is the last hug » as he watched me leave. His mental health issues arent mine.
@felonious77-00
3 ай бұрын
The "triggers" that I set off just made his feelings for the relationship negative. And him cold and distant. So everything he was feeling was negative and overshadowed all the beauty of ehat we had and the friendship we had. He told me his feelings for me will never change but the feelings for the relationship and how he feels I treated him will never change. So, throughout our relationship while I was trying to fix the triggers(w/out knowing about attachment styles) it was for nothing. He just pulled back until he was a cold as f&#k stranger to me
@douwe4254
2 ай бұрын
This is the clue for us tho. The more we try and work on something they don't actively want to work on themselves, the more stressed they get and the more likely they will avoid you emotionally till the bond is completely gone. My soon-to-be ex told a lie to her parents in order to see me, because her parents ambushed her with questions and worries like I might be some crazy person there to abduct and kidnap her. Full background check (government level) the whole deal. It was our first date... Worst thing I did was jumping on my bike without my lights on. I slept in a city nearby to be close to her for a weekend. She lied to her parents, and then collapsed the same day because of the weight of it. I was literally at the airport about to board my plane when she tried to cancel our 700 euro weekend trip. After our trip (i still went) she pulled back once again, went from saying "i love you" and "goodmorning/goodnight" to not responding at all the week after our trip. I then wanted to visit again, which gave her stress, I wanted a little more commitment, which gave her stress, I also wanted the lie with her parents to be disassembled so we stood a chance, which basically paralyzed her due to stress. After I got accepted at my new job, and her only reply was "okay." I started to get angry, when she hung up on me later that evening because I wanted to talk about the lie to her parents... I wanted a break. And almost classic, the break is now over, but she needs more time. Her responses are short, cold and distant. It's already over, I'm just respecting her to figure out the same the next 2 weeks. We are not going to be and stay friends. She was my right hand in my community. She's going to lose everything we build together. She lost the friendship, once she had me, and couldn't commit to me. She wanted me, she got me and had no idea what to do with me once she got me. And she couldn't keep me because she herself sabotaged our relationship with the lie. She's great and a sweetheart, but only 2/10 days.
@KnobodieKnight
2 ай бұрын
Personally I’ve been on both sides of this dance. I developed an avoidant style in order to compensate after being hurt too many times and chasing so much. By the time I began to truly realize what I was doing my partner was already tired of waiting and putting in the effort. Now I feel so awake and alive. I’ve been putting in the work and my hunger for growth is bottomless. I barely recognize myself. I just wish I could have figured my shit out sooner. She deserved that and more. I miss her every day. My advice to other avoidant types: trust your partner. Even if you can’t see it, if your partner brings this to your attention, trust them. Get help. Anxious types, set hard boundaries. Going no contact can actually be a good plan B. I recommend doing so before you lose emotional attraction. If it triggers change then reconciliation will be a relief for both of you.
@DenisSawyer
3 ай бұрын
My DA did in fact reach out after 30 days, she's admitted wholeheartedly of her mistake and we are making progress every day. Stay strong NC works, grieve, focus and grow.
@avantikor360
3 ай бұрын
Did this and spiraled right back down
@hanasimackova6831
2 ай бұрын
🙏🙏🌹🌹💕💕
@DenisSawyer
2 ай бұрын
@@avantikor360 This means you need to grow more internally, no contact only wins when you each win for yourself first. Without that nothing you do matters if you want to get back together. IMO
@imranmuhammad8105
2 ай бұрын
Happy for you brother .
@williamhitchens5599
2 ай бұрын
You're so lucky to have this chance again 👍. Good luck 👍👍👍
@thatboyblair
2 ай бұрын
The memories of all the good things you did come back like a tidal wave, and when we see you now with someone else its devastating. I've been working on changing my DAness. You don't realize this is a thing with you until youre the one that didnt walk away.
@crisar12
2 ай бұрын
I feel you.
@davykok8338
Ай бұрын
Finally someone that I can feel with in all these messages! I wish you so much strength and I'm proud ure fighting this!
@alirh1145
3 ай бұрын
Thanks to you MS. Thais I dont review old stories to blame myself anymore because I know I did everything right
@love2love772
Ай бұрын
My relationship of 9yrs ended a year ago and I didn’t know we had broken up ,I’ve never seen love turn to hate so quickly, the healing process in my opinion is is harder when you don’t know and it makes you question was it ever really real.
@allisonbergeron1929
2 ай бұрын
Just happened to me. Its awful. Why date if someone is like this. Its painful. Totally no contact...its hurtful
@priebess
3 ай бұрын
This video is so relevant to my recent relationship. My ex is a dismissive avoidant and she cut off our relationship after 11 months with some very lame excuses. She didn't allow any closure for us. We did have a "too good to be true" relationship for the entire time!
@Twitt123
2 ай бұрын
I’m anxious attachment. It’s so overpowering to feel the more you try the more you push the other person away. Idk I stopped giving my all to someone who does the bare minimum
@MuscleBandit
3 ай бұрын
I'm in a unique situation with a DA whereby I have to see her in passing most days until she or I move house. She's always breadcrumbing during contact and thinks im sulky and butt hurt when I pull away. This is a special kind of purgatory. I wish I could simply switch off my feelings but it's not possible.
@dimitrifert3321
3 ай бұрын
I feel you, had been there... I was lucky she had enough money to retreat on a rented flat for a few months so I didn't have to suffer from this very uncomfortable situation for too long. Needless to say she broke up 4 months later, when the short-term rent was reaching an end. We are selling the house we just bought a few months before (4y+ relationship, starting to fall off just 2 weeks prior to closing the deal). Keep up mate. P.S. : Oh and I think I had something similar to your "sulky and butt hurt" reproach. A friend of hers told me that she felt rejected since the breakup (oh ironic... ) .
@shtfuq
3 ай бұрын
I had to share an apartment with mine and we didn’t see each others faces for an entire month. Avoided seeing her and would go into work 4 hours early to sleep on the floor. I was cooking dinner in my bedroom with a rice cooker and air fryer. I moved out and live in an apartment 3 doors down the hall and I’m working on myself. Turn that energy back on yourself and build back stronger. It’s possible but you have to keep a strong mind. They don’t deserve us.
@MuscleBandit
3 ай бұрын
@dimitrifert3321 ahh that's crap man. Women will pretty much always tell us what we need to know via their behaviour. Their words are merely a metric to compare actions against once they are ascertained as no trust worthy. Hell of a ball this dating, until one day, fingers crossed, it will all work itself out. Until then I want some chocolate and a wank!!!!
@jaffrey1319
3 ай бұрын
How does this "process" feel to the avoidant if I did the breaking up? I really didn't want to, but I DID tell her I felt as if she'd "abandoned" the relationship and that I had ZERO idea of how she felt about us... If I actually died, would she care? ...or was I the greatest thing since sliced bread? I had no clue of her feelings because she could NOT communicate verbally. She never did, but finally it just wore down the relationship to its demise.
@Nika-je6zd
3 ай бұрын
You just mentioned EXACTLY what I could not find words for. "If I died, would he have cared?". Hmmm. Horrible "relationship" to be in. Such experiences are given to us, more so we can appreciate the next partner - where we know we are cared for, supported etc in a healthy way. I choose moving on.
@jaffrey1319
3 ай бұрын
@@Nika-je6zd amen.
@jaffrey1319
3 ай бұрын
@@Nika-je6zd in fact, I even asked her what advice she'd give her own son if HE was dating a woman under the same dynamics as we were experiencing...she stonewalled as she usually did
@jaffrey1319
3 ай бұрын
@kjjx125 Answer: fuq these people. After a while, love (on your part) turns into anger and resentment. They really do NOT deserve a compassionate and loving partner. Truly, FUCK THEM!!!
@andreatorluemke4982
3 ай бұрын
Neglect is abuse as my mother would say
@mahalie23
15 күн бұрын
Avoidant here. I’ve never regretted a break up. Nor have my avoidant friends. She is slinging anecdotes here. Don’t expect people to change who they are. Don’t worry about their attachment style. Focus on yourself, love yourself and know what you want in a relationship and then only date ppl that share your relationship goals. A lot of us avoidants are just fine alone! Maybe that’s ok too.
@mickey099
5 күн бұрын
Your attachment style is not healthy.
@pudzianowi21
2 ай бұрын
All those negative comments about D FA/DA are making me sick. Im one of them, unfortunately got to love AA girl. I was unconcious of my disability, and hurt her so many times. I reassure you we also have feelings, we also love. It's not that i wanted to be like that. I love her still, I started therapy and I would love to give her what she needed. Meanwhile all of you call us souless robots/monsters. Thanks, but again I didn't choose to be like that and i assure you I can love.
@audreyr2647
Ай бұрын
The way I see it, it's the same as the extrovert/introvert "fight". Just because their insecurities show in a more outward way, anxious attachers see themselves as better than avoidants who are more inward. This projection helps them deflect from their own insecurities and from the fact that there is a reason why they were attracted in an avoidant in the first place. Now let's be honest, that doesn't mean avoidants are not difficult to deal with. As an avoidant myself, I would recommend anyone dealing with an avoidant who deflect from the hard conversation to just leave. Avoidance is not a "disability" it's just a category we use to describe certain attitudes that can be changed. Good on you for working on yourself. But for those who don't, there's no reason for the partner to endure such a miserable relationship...
@cindyvandermerwe316
Ай бұрын
I am not an avoidant but I clearly have abandonment issues, and if it helps not everybody would simply throw you away. I am struggling to make sense of issues and I can definitely say that my ex did the same to me as he is also an avoidant, however I didnt help the situation as I have abandonment anxiety. So every time he did his things I would go off the rail totally, which of course triggered him ever more. And you are absolutely correct, we all do things we not even aware of none of us are perfect all we can do is work thru our own issues and work in being the best we can be. Trauma from the past is in every person even the judgemental ones
@christianlanders5216
Ай бұрын
Just wanted to ask, as a person, who really thought it could be worked out with an avoidant. He decided to end things and I accepted it calmly (not because I wanted it, but just because if the person says that he "couldn't give me what I want", then there is no point in bargaining). We are in no contact for about 2 months (unfollowed in each social media), no mutual friends, but he kinda gave the mixed signal (liked the message from the old dialogue). My question would be, if the person comes back and wants the second chance, what would be the signs for you, as an avoidant, that it's genuinely important for them. I have a big fear, that it would just be a vicious circle (as soon as I attach, he'll run).
@pudzianowi21
Ай бұрын
@@audreyr2647 yeah I get what you mean. I see my friends in relationships like that, and they are nowhere close to realise that there is no good ending there, also no point in there. From what I experienced, the only way for avoidant to change is selfrealisation or maybe being suggested by someone not biased, because generally close people say it's just the way you are, which is true but it don't has to be thay way. There is absolutely no point staying in that kind of relationship unless there is a want to change, perfectly on both sides.
@pudzianowi21
Ай бұрын
@@christianlanders5216 I mean, it can only work if he seeks therapy, and knows that his behavior was destructing and want that change in them. Avoidants are hard to mantain even for secure type people not to mention anxious ones. There is an attachment style called Fearful/Deorganised Avoidant which makes that person really wanting for healthy and fulfilling relationship but when things get more intense it triggers their avoidant behaviors. I would say it's sinusoidal, as I mark exactly this type. He definetly thinks about you, I think he even miss you and want your relationship to work. Im like 90% sure, but if he's not willing to see his fault and that his avoidant behaviors are cause of your breakup, then Im also sure you will fall into that circle.
@LadyMarigoldWithers
Ай бұрын
Four years of confusion, hot and cold. Scorched earth was the only way to save myself. I can’t stand what he did to me. Before I was making excuses for his behaviour, now I simply feel repulsed by it. Much happier!
@MeghanDonnellyIPY
2 ай бұрын
I greatly prefer your videos with none, less music or non-intense/stressful music at the beginning. I watch all of your videos and love all of your content. Keep up the good work! Thank you! ❤
@heathdean3807
2 ай бұрын
She didn't actually want me, she wanted to USE me to get over her ex who had just ghosted her. She manipulated me by being highly vulnerable, bonding with me over common traumas, and then went full avoidant about 2-3 weeks in and eventually I realized she used me. I've had people since then tell me "you still hit, a win is a win" and I'm just here like WTF is wrong with y'all? I mean, I get it, dudes are supposed to be the ones without emotion and don't get attached, but I felt a real connection with her and she broke me and everyone is here making jokes about it. I never wanted to be used. If she had been upfront that she just wanted a rebound lay, I'd have played that game and been ok, but she acted and said she was looking for something more serious and wanted to see where things would go with me. She never did. She just wanted to get laid.
@jasondunn8313
20 күн бұрын
Thankyou for this. My partner of 6yrs who suffered with anxiety, depression and childhood trauma called it quits on our relationship 18 months ago. I’m still hurting and trying to work through why she would walk away from something that was loving and supportive. The pain I’m struggling with is the ‘What if …’ , ‘ I should have..’, etc. I’m realizing that there was probably a lot of things I could done to help but if someone pulls away physically and emotionally and stops communicating, how can I. I reached out via text recently just say hi and ask how she is but there was no response. She has just gone.
@MoloSaidu
3 ай бұрын
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
@kanereall
3 ай бұрын
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
@MoloSaidu
3 ай бұрын
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?
@kanereall
3 ай бұрын
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
@MoloSaidu
3 ай бұрын
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@jaycole6824
2 ай бұрын
Coping mechanism. They monkey branch to another person, as a person would cope with a vice under stress. Except their rebound partners are the vices to cope with all of the previous. It's a descending feedback loop of growing traumas if left untreated since they lack vulnerability and communication skills. Which they typically avoid doing until they realize it's too late and they're old and nobody wants them. A miserable existence.
@ileanaprofeanu7626
3 ай бұрын
what is really frustrating with a few ex friends of mine is that I triggered their vulnerability and they pulled away and it wasn't related to being in a potential relationship, I was too open for them (I was FA at the time). It left me hurt, confused, ruminating
@nochannel4757
13 күн бұрын
The best gift was to let go and move on!! No going back
@JC-ip6lh
Ай бұрын
Nothing. They don’t do anything. They stay away, so silent and don’t contact.
@SCnative64
3 ай бұрын
I'm FA and it's like Thais is describing my entire life pattern. I just lost someone I still deeply love. This time I'm getting clean (from addiction), and doing counseling, including books and workbooks regarding more awareness of my trauma. I'm trying to "fix" myself or at the very least understand myself better and regulate my behavior. She went no contact over 30 days ago and I've forgotten what this kind of pain/grief feels like and it sucks.
@andreatorluemke4982
3 ай бұрын
Yeah brother. Welcome to the broken hearts club. You heal you go forward. You appreciate the hell Out of your next partner when that comes kk. Take nothing for granted no happiness no pleasant moments. Those are gifts all of Them diamonds more diamonds for all of us amen
@SCnative64
3 ай бұрын
@@andreatorluemke4982 Amen.
@celeste4098
25 күн бұрын
Did you talked with her again?
@SCnative64
24 күн бұрын
@@celeste4098 Actually yes, we're talking again. I didn't think we would be. I need to stay clean and focus on work, and my fitness, staying clean, doing productive things.
@celeste4098
24 күн бұрын
@@SCnative64 I'm glad you've got a 2nd chance and that you are improving yourself
@oaguirrre1
3 ай бұрын
I walked away from her because she didn’t value my time or me as a person , deleted her from social media etc , yet she’s still watching my stories . She tried once to come back and apologized for how she was acting then did again the next day and I was said nope I’m out ✌🏻
@yolandeolhaus4018
Ай бұрын
I am so grateful I came across your channel. Right now I am going through a break up with my DA partner of 15 years. As a Coach and a secure attachment style, I felt that it was my responsibility to keep 'trying' to help him heal and set himself free. Thank you for the tips on how to start healing from this pain. Intend on watching all your videos, now that I have found you :-)
@MsPangY
2 ай бұрын
I just found out he is the "AVOIDANT PERSON" & it hurts!! I've been with him on / off for 11 yrs., and plus 3 kids and he just left us "JUST LIKE THAT" ... such a emotional wreck!! Idk if he is, why is he with his ex wife for 16 years ...
@beyourself9162
2 ай бұрын
I did learn to avoid avoidant AS people in my therapy. Happy camper now….🎉❤🎉…. repaired my own ATS issues… did heal and still heal, deep wounds from being neglected. You can change but not without grieving your losses from childhood….
@GreenTurtle181
3 ай бұрын
Really good advice. Very clearly put. Makes sense now. Been through so much trying to make sense of what happened.
@ahmedanwar2099
3 ай бұрын
How are they going to miss companionship if they’ve already replaced the person lmao
@jaycole6824
2 ай бұрын
Coping mechanism. They monkey branch to another person, as a person would cope with a vice under stress. Except their rebound partners are the vices to cope with all of the previous. It's a descending feedback loop of growing traumas if left untreated since they lack vulnerability and communication skills. Which they typically avoid doing until they realize it's too late and they're old and nobody wants them. A miserable existence.
@yournewconfidence
Ай бұрын
@@jaycole6824 You’ve hit the nail on the head. I was a rebound from his ex, now he’s broken up with me and moved on after a month to someone else as a rebound from me. He will leave a string of broken women as he springboards from one to the next.
@jaycole6824
Ай бұрын
@@yournewconfidence I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. It's something we learn on our end to now screen for the signs ahead when we verify for a serious relationship. As that's the only way for us and any potential suitors to be broken from those cycles on each end as us being the now responsible rejector, and the rejected learn to become aware as to why we rejected them. One person at a time.
@nic3715
Ай бұрын
They are dam freaks
@Calicokitty2
3 ай бұрын
Your How to Heal from a Breakup course was so helpful. Thank you!
@ColinHarvey78
8 күн бұрын
Forgotten how these videos and Thais is… very insightful, not in others but also myself
@timtuite5855
3 ай бұрын
Thank you so much. Your videos have helped me process something very painful in a way that nothing else has. You are a god send. 🙏🙏🙏
@irenedagostino9203
3 ай бұрын
Emotional abusive people 🎉🎉🎉
@AwesomeAndrew
3 ай бұрын
Too bad for my 2 exes like this, I'm unforgettable 😆, one's tried to come back many times, the other one went into what seems to me is a rebound
@brettwilliams6891
2 ай бұрын
She either monkey branched into another relationship, or jumped into a rebound, and still with him (10 months now) so she’s not feeling anything about me, and probably never has since.
@gonavylife
2 ай бұрын
I equate the DA’s behavior to emotional terrorism.
@moonlight9333
Ай бұрын
🤣
@nic3715
Ай бұрын
Lol my god yes 😂
@zatstone
2 ай бұрын
After experience of DA now I request psychologist certificate of attachment style before involvment.
@Zane-zr7ic
3 ай бұрын
The only way u can do it is by multi dating hold space enjoy ur lifw keep them in rotation and if it deepens into more great and if it doesnt then another connection may. Or just focus on u they alwaya come back when u let go and then they leave again da juat leave people in cycles for yrs. The question is do we all love ourselves enough to walk away At least 80 per cent of guys on dating apps are dismissive avoidant commitment avoidant. Das love dating apps. A lot of ua girls dont have a chance cos they person is unavailable to begin with. I choose myself
@HANZELVANDERLAAY
3 ай бұрын
Haha..80 percent of woman... are that way now as well...a pity
@leticiajackson2237
3 ай бұрын
Great advice! I noticed it was a pattern that the guy I was dating had previously with other good women. Never married or engaged to anyone and the more he told me things about the past is when I realized he was definitely the problem. I said to him I’m not going to let you do the same to me. Gtfoh 😂
@tiffanyburke2785
3 ай бұрын
Mine of 5.5 years never stopped talking to other women. That I was never allowed to know about for the record. Yeah. Guess he needed a rotation
@JustMeAndMyBoy
3 ай бұрын
@@tiffanyburke2785 sorry to hear. You’re a beautiful woman.
@HANZELVANDERLAAY
3 ай бұрын
@@tiffanyburke2785 she is...gluck
@nayaroberttodorova5960
24 күн бұрын
My avoidant ex is SO ashamed to the point of no return 😂 but im good! I will never ever put another human being before me!
@yalvia
3 ай бұрын
Explains why my ex always reaches out around 3 months after "running." Smh!
@sawit_b4u
2 ай бұрын
nothing worse than finding you're on both sides of this attachment coin with your ex! no wonder I'm a train wreck!
@catriddoch5590
2 ай бұрын
I’d really love if you did something with Heidi Priebe! Not enough people discuss attachment styles and would be so lovely to see two people like you guys collaborate on something 🙏
@adeshwodan4679
13 күн бұрын
Rationalizations on why/how YOU couldn’t make it work.
2 ай бұрын
I got ghosted. Turns out she fell in love with her day laborer. I live next door and she vanished from sight. Lights off at night, stopped walking her dog just vanished from my sight. So perplexing, so I had to move in order to keep from going nuts.
@gutsandgrittv5076
3 ай бұрын
We dated 2 1/2 years and when he came back a decade later and said it was a couple of months. 😂 guess he forgot the christmases we had together. Wow. That one hurt.
@baruchrachamim1025
3 ай бұрын
i really appreciate you and your work this information is so helpful and satisfying and fulfilling and life- changing
@gabrielaguilhen6231
3 ай бұрын
But how can you get back together then? If they rarely will come after you ? It has to have a way. If you want to and they clearly want it too
@adeshwodan4679
13 күн бұрын
Too many words ; not enough content. ❤😊❤
@andybiddle9088
3 ай бұрын
If DA's rarely or never reach out. What can I do? I want her back in my life, but as a friend as not to freak her out. We only dated for 3 months, but they were the best 3 months...for both if us! Laughter all the way and no arguments.
@trinidad111
2 ай бұрын
I hate to say it but in three months you are still dealing with their representative and not actually them. Don’t ignore what they show you. Respect yourself
@samus318
2 ай бұрын
Just had my heart broken by a DA. I should have seen it coming but I was in denial and felt like I could change their mind and their ways This has been miserably painful
@AwesomeAndrew
3 ай бұрын
Complete waste of time doing the quiz on your site, won't accept any of my email addresses to send results.
@catmini72
15 күн бұрын
Being in a relationship with an Avoidant isn't actually a relationship at all. It is being anchored to a shallow, self-centered, emotionally empty child with zero empathy and no remorse for their heinous treatment of you.
@tellitlikeitis5028
3 ай бұрын
*narcissists not “Avoidants”
@smokingcrab2290
3 ай бұрын
For real. They are straight up narcissists and their brokenness does nothing but lead to more brokenness
Thank god someone else said it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence I ended up with an “avoidant” right after I got out of a 10 yr relationship with a malignant narc. This avoidant thing feels just like narcissism - maybe this is the covert narcissism. It’s selfish they stand there and rob their partner of communication and connection while they watch their partner break over and over. And they watch the relationship crumble. Then when their partner can’t take it anymore and says I NEED this to change, they leave. And cut their partner off. They point the blame at the other person. It’s like driving a car until the wheels fall off then just leaving it on the side of the highway and hopping in a new car and driving away.
@drhashtagyolo
2 ай бұрын
Speak for yourself my ex was THE furthest thing from narcissist and she was avoidant, she thought the worse of herlself and was the farthest thing from self absorbed
@JustMeAndMyBoy
3 ай бұрын
“I think it’s really important to hold no contact.” Ok. Then what???
@lee1612k2
3 ай бұрын
A.i. i guess 😮💨🥲
@CeeP211
3 ай бұрын
Move on
@castiron2932
3 ай бұрын
More no contact
@OnjelieMarie
3 ай бұрын
Move on they can’t love you because they don’t love themselves
@JustMeAndMyBoy
3 ай бұрын
@@OnjelieMarie nope not ready to do that yet. My heart goes out to him. She did another video today, 3 Secrets the Avoidant Doesn’t Want You To Know.
@gregleo8035
3 ай бұрын
I’m sorry ma’am but when someone “up and leaves you with no explanation in an otherwise normal relationship”… It’s called ABUSE. Passive Aggressive gaslighting. Please stop enabling abuse. Yes they had a bad childhood but abuse and deceit are abuse and deceit
@30sandrita1
2 ай бұрын
That's right!😅 Thank you very much for explaining that to her! 👍🙏
@drhashtagyolo
2 ай бұрын
I’m sorry but it’s not abuse. It’s hurtful, it’s happened to me, it’s not abuse. Not everything that hurts is abuse. It’s never abuse to leave someone just by definition. Maybe it’s an asshole or fucked yo thing to do, but not abuse. They’re ultimately leaving you because they believe they’re broken and you’ll leave them, they’re leaving you because they think that safety your providing them they’re convinced they will ruin it, they’re leaving you because the fear is to overwhelming. Just because it’s in their heads and not reality, just because it hurts you, doesn’t make it abuse. Are you abusive if you love your partner cuz you think ur not good enough? Of course not let’s be mature here
@drhashtagyolo
2 ай бұрын
And how is leaving someone gaslighting??
@drhashtagyolo
2 ай бұрын
I’m not saying ur ex didn’t btw I’m just asking in general towards your statement. I can’t speak on what happens to you with your ex and I don’t want you to take it that way or to make you feel invalid or bad because you may have had that with them. But people like to generalize avoidant ppl after being with them I’ve highly noticed and from being with an avoidant girl who was honestly much sweeter than any of the stories I’ve heard from others, I just know they’re not all the same and it’s unfair to link them all together
@seadragon1456
2 ай бұрын
It is not abuse. That would be a narc. The difference between a narc and an avoidant is INTENT. A narc starts stuff with the intent to overpower and harm you. An avoidant won’t go back and forth with you. They don’t want power. They don’t want to hurt you. They avoid conflict and because they suck at boundaries they pull away which makes you feel neglected. It’s not to harm you it’s to protect themselves from the fear of unknown.
@keda2038
Ай бұрын
It's everyone saying avoidants are the worst when it's a conflict including you affecting them hence the withdrawal. I am an avoidant, when conflicts arise and I am the one hurt/offended. I take an hour or a few days to reflect based on the severity then I will mention what happened and explain how it made me feel. However, most times persons continue to do the same things that I've already said hurt which leaves me no other option than to completely detach as described in this video. Obviously I'm not respected so why should I continue having pointless communication?
@jeanlaubenthal698
2 ай бұрын
I think this type is actually discussed if a person shows vulnerability.
@sangbejeanmarc3510
Ай бұрын
4 years snd every year we go through that
@НинаНеудахина
Ай бұрын
my ex broke up with me last week, 3 days after my mother died. He used to give me mixed signals: propose we try to live together, but than decide to separate, suggest to go visit my mom to support me, and than say he is not ready to meet my parents. Through months he would tell me that I want relationships, but he doesn't. And when it got really serious and I needed him the most, he vanished. I don't think i actually want him back in my life giving the effect that he has on my mental health, but i'm really curious if he'd break his own "no contact" and when
@Dr.NoorMoussawi
2 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for all these amazing videos 🌺🙏🏻 amazing knowledge. And God bless you for sharing all this knowledge
@maineoutdoorsman677
3 ай бұрын
Chandra The highs were the best but the lows are so terrible, If you could just not lie we wouldn't be in this spot , You never realy knew me , It's all on you ,don't want someone that doesn't want me ,simple as that
@Howie_Dewitt.
3 ай бұрын
What if I broke up with her to save myself?
@tiffanyburke2785
3 ай бұрын
I did the same. The relationship was making me sick. Developed an autoimmune. It’s been difficult. So sad. But he couldn’t connect
@JustMeAndMyBoy
3 ай бұрын
@@tiffanyburke2785 😥
@mmmhmm6865
Ай бұрын
DA here, id really appreciate advice or insight, it’s gonna be a long one. I just recently got into relationship with a girl, my first actual relationship. We’re 3 months in, we met at work like 4 months before I asked her out. We’ve gone on a lot of dates and we seem to be pretty similar and i can, at least logically, see her as “endgame”, like she’s the one for me. However, I think she’s an anxious attachment, and she’s said as much to me. Actually she introduced me to the topic, I had no idea of all this before. I assumed I was secure bc her trauma, and attachment seemed way more colorful than mine, and that’s what I told her when she asked. Anyway, as our relationship has gone on, it’s clear to both of us, that she likes me wayyyy more than I like her. Hard to admit this, but she’s seems head over heels for me, whereas I only think she’s a suitable partner, and thinks she’s attractive. We are long distance rn, so we text and call a lot, but she’s usually the one that initiates convos and initiates flirting and stuff. Sometimes i do, but I would say 80% it’s her. When together physically it’s sort of the same way. She’s said so, and I agree. At the beginning when we met she said she immediately trusted me, and that I was a great listener and conversationalist. And she doesn’t usually spill her guts to ppl but with me it felt safe to for whatever reason. These things were true I guess. But as we’ve gotten closer I’ve been less of these and subconsciously pulling away. She’s been patient, understanding of my alone time needs and everything, and has been a very understanding ideal supportive girlfriend. She always tells me of how great of a guy she thinks I am, “incredibly kind, handsome, considerate, really smart, really funny, hardworking, caring, wise, tall, secure, and stress free” and like I said she thinks I’m amazing. She thinks I’m literally flawless, she checks in all of the time, and uses me, as her foundation and safe zone, against the rest of the world. Me, despite her telling me why, can’t help but wonder why she likes me so much, and deep down, am waiting for her to snap out of love for me. I resist emotional intimacy often by shifting a lot of deep convos to platonic humor, romance is one sided until physical connect, I sort of try to skip to that. And sharing personal trauma from me to her feels like she’s pulling teeth. It’s unbelievably difficult for me to be vulnerable with anyone, and I’ve made efforts to try to be with her, and she often says she wants to see me in a different emotional state other than “calm and secure”. But I feel hardwired to be that way, and nothing can really pull me out of that. She’s even offered drugs to pull me out, playfully of course but I interpret this as her thinking I’m closed off, and I am. And whenever I try and fail to change this my efforts seem monumental to me bc of the difficulty but small and insignificant to her, like I’m giving nothing in our relationship, and she’s doing all of the heavy lifting. And I try to show love in other ways, ways I know how by helping her, giving loving advice for stuff, compliments but it feels small to her I guess. Then I pull away even more when she tries to get closer and closer, there’s even been days where I ignore her calls and texts. I don’t even know why, but It just feels like a mental test whenever we speak to each other. Like I have to focus and hit all the right buttons to win a game of intimacy, that Ik shouldn’t feel that way. And then when I think abt how I am failing her causes me Low self-esteem as you can prob tell from reading. I can’t help but think I’m defective and unworthy of her trust and love. I will eventually hurt her in someway she def doesn’t deserve, she’s already cried like twice bc of that, and has shared with me dreams of me abandoning her. And it hurts me to think I’m doing this to her but any change I don’t think I’m brave enough to make successfully, and I have fear of being without her and doomed to be alone. Sorry for all that. I’d really like some insight maybe suggesting any way forward. Ps I’ve said most of this to her before, obv not the ignoring calls stuff, in an effort for vulnerability. (it was terrifying) How can one learn to let their guard down.
@Missbabexox
2 ай бұрын
My ex is a DA and he just finds another girl to sleep with. But still texts me tells me he misses me. 🙄
@trinityp8575
21 күн бұрын
They are children - hungry and thinking of their own needs only as they are stuck in childhood trauma age. They are not fit for a grown relationship. They are very egocentric (children) and only focused on their needs and don’t have the necessary qualities for a relationship. Relationship with them will always be on and off and will cause frustration and anxiety to the most secured person even. It’s like being with a child. They just don’t comprehend normal emotional bond. They long for you as some sort of energy for them just like a child longs for their mum. But they can’t give you anything back. They are empty. The top and bottom of it is they are empty emotionally and hungry so they have nothing to give, only take.
@JustMeAndMyBoy
3 ай бұрын
And what if there was no breakup, just silence from both sides after an argument?
@tiffanyburke2785
3 ай бұрын
This happened to me. I finally caved. He was done. Said he enjoyed his alone time.
@JustMeAndMyBoy
3 ай бұрын
@@tiffanyburke2785 omg. :( We shall see. Had u been spending a little of time together? I hardly see mine anyway. . How long before u reached out pls?
@JustMeAndMyBoy
3 ай бұрын
@@tiffanyburke2785 *a lot of time
@honestpainter
Ай бұрын
I just broke up with a DM and she was with me for four months and she said she’s got feelings for her ex-boyfriend. They were together for 7 1/2 half years the whole time we were together she didn’t say one nice thing about this guy, they saw each other on weekends and they live an hour and a half half away her and I only live 10 minutes away. I gave her all things back very nicely didn’t say one thing bad and blocked and deleted her.
@kimmywadsworth
2 ай бұрын
So if we want our avoidant ex back - is it smart to be their friend and show them through friendship that you can give them more space/less pressure and you can make the changes to make the relationship work? Or, is it best to not be friends with an avoidant ex if you want them back?
@jasemartin9019
2 ай бұрын
2 yr relationship with what I’ve realised is a DA. In that time we broke up twice and finally she ended it 5weeks ago. Gutted as the past 2 days I’ve been reading up on the traits of a DA..
@JustMeAndMyBoy
Ай бұрын
1) U say it’s important to hold no contact, but u also say the DA will rarely reach out. So … how does that make sense ?? 2) How does this apply to FA? Is it true that no contact IS NOT recommended with a FA partner?
@Pyeredere813-il4jw
2 ай бұрын
Maybe I don't understand my experience . In the past I've used the term romantic avoidant but whenever I run across these videos they always seem to paint it in an extreme light. I had no trauma or abuse and my family was wonderful. I did have a fear like 1:31 but once I did find the one guy I became committed to an obsessive extent. I also recognized myself in a few other statements like regarding break ups. There simply will not be a breakup between he and I, I will do whatever it takes to keep us together. Most people never address the past failures and avoidant behavior and only address my current intensity. I do not have limerence. I've been down that road with a therapist and she agreed. So I'll keep looking into different ideas. It is weird to go from not feeling anything romantic to feeling everything all at once just because he walks into the room. I also understand that in the world of therapy if it is not your experience or a catalogued experience then the experience is not real. Adios
@rachg86
3 ай бұрын
Does anyone else see this DA personality as a little selfish? I feel like these people rob their partners of healthy communication. It seems like DA’s would rather satisfy and calm their own irrational fears and starve the relationship of emotional connection or communication. And the DA’s who are completely against therapy or any kind of introspection AND starve the relationship AND mock/talk down on their partners efforts of therapy or trying to have open dialogue or ask about their feelings - they almost seem a little bit narcissistic to me. Honestly it feels almost as bad as narcissistic abuse.
@irenedagostino9203
3 ай бұрын
It is
@lalaurlalala
2 ай бұрын
They're treating you how they treat themselves.
@gabbybernypa
2 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing, married to a DA going to try the courses. My DA recognizes and wants to do inner work. Fear of abandonment and rejection their core wound
@JustMeAndMyBoy
2 ай бұрын
@@lalaurlalala are u DA or FA yourself?
@lalaurlalala
2 ай бұрын
@@JustMeAndMyBoy I'm FA
@-taylor-9980
3 ай бұрын
Many comments from unhealed people whom prefer to live with such insecure attachment styles. Sort yourself out. It's not the fault of the particular person that they're for example an avoidant because of their neglectful upbringing. I will always support my ex even if I never see of speak to her again. its the intent that matters. Authenticity is the highest vibration. ❤
@CeeP211
3 ай бұрын
Good luck ❤
@sarahoshea404
3 ай бұрын
That’s great for you, but understand that a lot of people are going through the acute pain and hurt right now.. a lot of us are still realizing, processing, and reflecting, otherwise we wouldn’t be watching these videos. Of course a lot of us are unhealed, but we’re not “choosing” this, and we are also being authentic in our grief ❤
@MTG9878
3 ай бұрын
Wow, so compassionate to these going through pain with your positive vibe, actually a bit mean. The DAs upbringing may not be their fault, as adults it is now their responsibility to fix it! So they do not keep hurting others if they choose not to then they are narcissistic! Just like those here watching this video and trying to fix themselves they are taking accountability! Take your vibration nonsense elsewhere! You actually want to be the doormat for your DA be my guest! You sound like someone who is hiding from their own issues with all the vibration facade. Seek real therapy! Not a spiritualist!
@nic3715
Ай бұрын
@@MTG9878well said
@allaboardthegravytrain5987
19 күн бұрын
Avoidants seem to be Gods of Time. They have so much of our time to waste but their time is just open for them to do as they please.
@innerglows
3 ай бұрын
How does this look for someone with ASD traits, on the spectrum, and has a dismissive avoidant attachment style? 😢
@SK-no2pp
3 ай бұрын
I hope that you’re in Therapy
@innerglows
3 ай бұрын
@SK-no2pp I've healed tremendously from why I allowed myself to be with this person. I just wanted to get a clearer understanding of exactly what I was dealing with for so long. (Closure)
@chrismaxwell1624
3 ай бұрын
How do you know the attachment style. Online quizzes fail miserably for attachment style when an person on spectrum does them. It would take autism trained psychologist to sort out the difference between ASD and DA attachment style. For me I'm on the spectrum and secure attachment style and got that through a psychologist. Easy to mistake autistic shutdown and burnout might be mistaken for avoidant. Been relationship with my wife 25 years. She's an FA. I think my being on spectrum with a secure attachment helped in that longevity from I learned about FAs on this youtube. I could say what this would look like but really that's turn in long blog.
@BoleiaDaVida
Ай бұрын
My mother had severe problems in her relationship with my father + financial problems. When I was 2 Y.O. she "gave-me" to the guard of my grandmother 😔. Years later, when things improved, I moved back to live with my mother, father and my other 2 brothers. Since teenager I fully understood what happened, never complaint about it etc. I loved my mother A LOT and it was me the son who took care of her to the last day of her life. What I know is that during my life I have been always very skeptical in all my relationships, specially with women. I am 56 YO now and in each and every one of my romantic relationships I am always the one who finishes the relation, often for no concrete reason. Even my first marriage I left with my ex-wife crying and asking "what did I do?" Somehow I have that "farm turkey in early November" feeling that something bad is about to happen. Better run away before this something happens. Really bad. My present wife (28 years married) always complains that I am still kind of one foot in the boat and the other outside. 😳
@christinabalandiuk9849
Ай бұрын
I had a bf who was raised by his granny cause parents had problems just like yours. And he is exactly like you. We broke up with really weird way, no “breaking up” talks, just went silent after me telling him i felt lonely in our relationships. Its really hard, im sorry for your wife, life is hard for her with you 🙈
@BoleiaDaVida
Ай бұрын
@@christinabalandiuk9849 😪
@monicamo3styles313
26 күн бұрын
I literally just woke up from a dream that this just happened. Then I saw this video. The way God works. It’s 10:52 pm on 09/02/2024
@Lanestunes123
Ай бұрын
My DA broke up with me and wants to be friends right away. He is actually reaching out and wanting to do things. I tried to hang as friends but it is so weird cause he has totally shut down like we never dated for a year. HA!. This is his way to see if he can " trust" me again but in no way can he say we will 100 percent get back together. He said yes most likely if he starts to trust me and we get along but what torture would this be!! I am going no contact now. He can reach out but I am not. Will be interesting if he reaches out after I pull back. He will feel safe again I am sure. May be too late. Such a shame, we had such potential.
@1sophisticatediva
2 ай бұрын
What if a person didn't go through this as a child but still act this way
@HansSolo-c3q
2 ай бұрын
After I became a bachelor again, I build a small house trailer for my Ebike. I went on a camping trip with my bike and my dog. BEST TIME OF MY LIFE NO NAGGING FOR STUPIDITIES. She kept blowing up my phone, blocked her #. Ooooo that didn't go well she was waiting at my door when I got back. But I was smart I never let her in the house not even for a glass of water. She cried and whined but I smirked. Now she felt what it felt leaving someone, women 75% of the time they have a roster waiting. So move....
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