Thank you! I really needed this reminder today. I know that this is a better way to teach my daughter. I was raised by parents that both physically and mentally abused me when I didn’t do something that they liked; like most people my age. It takes a lot of love for my child to stop my natural reactions taught by my parents and redirect myself and my daughter instead. Most days everything goes fine. Every once in a while she wakes up in a bad mood though and I have to breathe and not take it personally. I find that helps a lot for the day. I have to be relaxed, calm, and loving if I want her to be that way.😊
@DoctorJacque
Жыл бұрын
Thank you - this truly means a lot to me, and I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. It can be so tough to try and break some of those patterns, for so many reasons. I think the more we can learn and practice, the better our relationships will be, which is ultimately what we all want.
@AlissaNicholas1991
4 ай бұрын
I 💯% relate to this!! My son says he doesn’t know when I try to figure out the root of the issue. I could literally go through suggestions and he will still “Not know.” I also can relate to the discipline thing on how you were raised and what comes naturally for me as well. It’s definitely a daily choice to have some deep self control.
@rubym3915
11 сағат бұрын
I relate too, in fact I think it’s the hardest part of parenting today. Sooo challenging for us parents to unlearn, practice a new way and keep it all in check real time. Solidarity in our mission to have better parenting skills than our parents had
@thembekadorcaskhumalo866
7 ай бұрын
Growing up the only problem solving technique that was used on me was getting really beaten. Having to raise a child with ADD is extremely hard because you have to tell them the same thing over and over and still get the same results. I feel helpless and clueless at times.
@DoctorJacque
7 ай бұрын
Yes, ideas about punishment and discipline have definitely changed over time. You are absolutely right though, it can feel helpless trying to parent/raise a child with ADHD as it can often feel like nothing’s working or getting better. Finding the right support for you and your family is so important, both for kids with ADHD and for their parents. It’s a journey for sure.
@alyshaviliamu1795
7 ай бұрын
Fully understand, wgat your saying, 👍
@Kay.4892
4 күн бұрын
You're not alone, sis. 🙏🏿
@LeParisien78370
Ай бұрын
Your advice helps me deal with my 71-year-old wife! Thank you so much.
@HeelGuy
3 ай бұрын
When I do ask or guess his need, and I get it wrong it just makes him more upset. So I find it difficult for both of us to understand what we both want. I appreciate your help and insight.
@DoctorJacque
3 ай бұрын
Yeah, that's tough. It sounds like it kind of adds fuel to the fire for him. Sometimes for those moments that get really emotional (for kids or parents or both), it's good to just take a pause and revisit when things have cooled off. When things aren't as emotional, it's easier to come up with more logical solutions.
@Dezzydezz44
4 ай бұрын
Aha moment! Transitions! ❤❤❤❤thank you!
@DoctorJacque
4 ай бұрын
Glad it clicked for you. Hopefully it helps!
@kathryncainmadsen5850
4 ай бұрын
I had ONE elementary teacher who allowed me to work for 2-3 hours on one thing rather than transitioning every 45 minutes like the rest of the kids and my anxiety and moodiness dropped to zero. It NOT just that kids need to learn to blend in. Their differences also deserve our respect.
@Stardust414
28 күн бұрын
Did I completely miss the suggestions here?? I understand conceptually that there is a better way to teach and discipline a neurodivergent child but I need specifics. Vague creative ideas aren’t working in any way, shape or form.
@RKristensen25
9 күн бұрын
Thaaaaaaaank you. I needed to understand this.
@dragonstarm3619
2 ай бұрын
What about when your child takes 3 days to clean their pets bin after being told daily? Repetitively say “hey you didn’t do this yet …” and the response “ok I will” every time?
@marlio2543
19 күн бұрын
Perhaps give them a choice [ie. The bin needs cleaned. Would you rather do it this afternoon after school or this evening before you get washed up/ ready for bed], or having a dedicated day [ie. every Friday, it needs cleaned] so they can consistently mentally prepare to do it, or setting a timer and see if they can beat the time. Those are just some things that work with my kids. Hopefully, they can help you or help you generate other ideas that might work for your child!
@gordonandmaggie6324
18 күн бұрын
I am a grown up with ADD and I can't get myself to do chores if I put them on a to do list. The list is so bossy (even though it is my list of things I want to have done). Reminding me that I haven't done the thing makes me feel shame and LESS likely to do it. Reframing. Let's spend an hour caring for the animals. Let's have a short play, let's check that they're healthy and fed and what else do they need? Now I'm doing it for them, not for my boss, not because I'm "supposed to", not because my list tells me to. I have managed to keep my motivation pure, and now I don't have any trouble getting it done. Yes, I'm a grownup who has to play mind games with themselves. But it does the trick for me.
@Ratmomma99
3 ай бұрын
Even so this method makes their behavior acceptable when it isn't. No one cares if you have ADHD. I've struggled with it my whole life everyone just thought I was crazy and said I had bipolar then found out I didn't. You still have to enforce authority. I'm not my son's friend. I'm his caregiver and teacher. I agree that butt whooping doesn't work. But just letting your kid do what they want because or being wired differently. You might as well tell them they are disabled and have no repercussions to their actions.
@river648
Ай бұрын
Destructive discussion 1-> Describe what happened 2-> Describe why that was not a good idea 3-> Describe what should have happened 4-> Tell them what consequences they earned ROLEPLAY so they can practice the skills for proper behavior
@river648
Ай бұрын
It’s good to remember that when people are in an emotional state they are no longer in the executive state. This means words cannot be properly processed and they won’t be able to learn or properly process ANYTHING until they feel safe and are back in the executive state. Find ways to make them feel safe without using a lot of words. Short phrases only! Some kids need sensory items or a hug. Some respond to jokes or other forms of physical affection (poking, tickling, touching/pulling my ear). Even cold water is very helpful.
@orangeseaglasss
Жыл бұрын
I love this video. Thank you
@DoctorJacque
Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome!
@frankl.1027
Жыл бұрын
Hi Dr. Jacque! First, the information from your videos are priceless and obviously you are passionate and genuinely caring about it. Your human touch is beautiful to see and it's much appreciated: helps me by leaps and bounds to understand in a loving context, to take pause and evaluate to undertake a most appropriate approach on the subject (especially that some brains are wired differently where they see square pegs with round holes implying that there's a need for a different approach, and that such people welcome understanding and support, and brings to light that regardless they are valuable and become successful in their own way). Very eye-opening indeed, thank you big time! If I may, constructively, make a suggestion: could be just me but when I watch the videos I have to close my eyes as there's too much hand movement along with zoom ins and zoom outs... or else, ironically, I find myself distracted and in difficulty of concentrating on the content at time. I know, can't please everyone, lol!! Regardless, I'll keep watching/listening to your valuable videos :)
@frankl.1027
Жыл бұрын
Our 15 year old son, in grade 10, shows no motivation when it comes to school learning and tests and this is substantiated by teachers comments as a non-starter, non-self regulator and that for years now, and the results are showing. Also, I don't think my wife and I ever saw him stay seated at the diner table / restaurant for very long, since ever, though he can watch movies no problems but overall things are not at the extreme (though it's a bit more than noticeable): he's mostly calm yet present, carries conversations, has friends and his heart is at the right place. One day I tried to potentially adapt to his learning style to help him succeed at studying for a history test: although he kept asking me why knowing history was even a thing, what good it's going to do and that it was useless (therefore "that's why I'm not motivated"), a dose of my empathy and reasoning helped. As we began, first thing I did I handed him a 3 foot wood ruler. He looked at me with an intrigued and respectful smile and asked: "What's that for?" I replied: "I don't know (as I shrugged my shoulders and looking puzzled myself). You can do what you want with it." So during my reciting the history content and making the lesson interesting by adding context, he kept walking around (instead of being confined to a seat) while turning and tossing and balancing the ruler here and there almost non-stop in my office and in the next room but, surprisingly enough, he retained everything and aced his test. Everyone was surprised including himself, my wife and the teacher. When they asked him what happened he simply replied: "Dad made it fun. But I still believe that knowing history is useless." So it's a constant uphill battle punctuated with the occasional victories and insights, but you videos make it clear that not only is he valuable in many ways despite this, but so am I to him and that gives me energy to keep going. Thanks again for your invaluable content Dr. Jacque, it's making a difference :))
@DoctorJacque
Жыл бұрын
I genuinely appreciate you and your comment. I’m so happy to hear how you’re putting the ideas into practice and how helpful it is for you. And the constructive feedback is welcome 😊 it’s a tough balance to try to make things engaging and interesting, while also trying to make sure it’s not “too much.” Like many things, hopefully it keeps getting better with practice!
@DoctorJacque
Жыл бұрын
Also, I love this story about how “dad made it fun.” It means so much to hear stories like this. It made me tear up, and it made my day. 💚
@TeacherCaveen_
6 ай бұрын
@@DoctorJacqueThis made me tear up too.
@amaesing21
3 ай бұрын
This is too soft and will only cause them major confusion and trouble in the real world! It happened to me! A.D.D amd A.D.H.D kids need to have the concept of authority, right from wrong, and respect instilled in them!! There are also many protocols that can be placed to minimize the ADD or ADHD symptoms!! The approach to raising healthy productive moral humans is very comperhensive and its not a one size fits all!
@Ratmomma99
3 ай бұрын
Exactly as a mom with combined ADHD and I have 2 ADHD kids and a husband with ADHD. There are consequences to your actions unless you have something extreme. You should never treat it as a disability but a super power. I'm one of the most productive people I know and it's because I have ADHD and OCD. But I got in a lot of trouble when I was younger. And ended up in mental hospitals and juvie. I wasn't diagnosed till 24 because I was determined to find out why I was different. My diagnosis won't clear my record. So no I will not be a friend to my child but a mentor and someone to inspire my child. I prefer the clean up method. Make them clean their mess. Or help someone if they do something wrong.
@gordonandmaggie6324
18 күн бұрын
I was raised like that. For me - I am not saying this is true for everyone and have no intention of judging anyone here, we are all doing our very best! - for me, the lesson I got was shame. I'm not good enough, I need to "smarten up" or "just focus" or just do things I hate all the time out of obligation. I couldn't. So I'm not a good human being and I walk around in deep shame for my failures. I like the analogy of someone being mad at me because I'm not tall enough. I hear "Just get it from the shelf" said with exasperation. But I can't reach, is that my fault? Why is it so wrong that I need a step stool? I understand and respect authority. I am deeply moral. I understand consequences. None of that has anything to do with whether I can reach that shelf.
@BabyT709
15 күн бұрын
@@gordonandmaggie6324exactly, well said!
@Jie85-
10 күн бұрын
Why my ADHD kid likes to play only, running around classroom, sitting between the students, laughing and not following any rules.
@JosephRostkowski
10 ай бұрын
Great advice, if parents have not tried being parents, this advise sounds like what parents already tried and started research and come to this! Dont disapline your child with adhd , just allow them to do what they want while trying to keep it together cause they are in control now !
@DoctorJacque
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for engaging in a discussion. It sounds like you were really looking for a different answer or another way to help. The sentiment here is not to allow a child with ADHD to do whatever they want, but rather consider if a punishment or consequence is the best way to teach them appropriate behaviors for each particular situation.
@NovasYouTubeName
Ай бұрын
Need to understand that you can’t punish a diabetic child into having control of their blood sugar, and you can’t punish a neurodiverse child into behaving properly all the time.
@amyavraam8986
Ай бұрын
My son was at the park yesterday and kept hitting me. He is always hungry and tired and went home and had a nap. I felt overstimulated as an adhd person myself. How do I explain this to his dad, who also has adhd? His reaction now is to scream and yell like he was when he was a child, it makes me angry and anxious about being home. How do I get his dad to stop overreacting to everything? Or is that different since he is an adult?
@NovasYouTubeName
Ай бұрын
Tough situation, I don’t have an answer but wanted to acknowledge you 💕
@amyavraam8986
Ай бұрын
@NovasKZitemName thank you that's all I want. There isn't much answer, really but thank you
@BoswellLeif-d5u
15 күн бұрын
Davis Amy Rodriguez Matthew Taylor Amy
@goldenhelmet403
11 ай бұрын
This approach seems fundamentally lacking. No amount of cooperative problem solving will convince someone that they had a problem in the first place. No amount of safety will convince someone they are, in fact, making mistakes. Only consequences can do that.
@DoctorJacque
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for watching and engaging in this discussion. I appreciate your perspective on the role of consequences in teaching and discipline. While consequences can be useful tools in certain situations, I believe it’s essential to recognize that they’re not the only solution for correcting mistakes or addressing problems. In my view and my experience working with families, a holistic approach is often more effective, especially for children with ADHD. Consequences alone may not provide the necessary guidance on what to do differently or address the underlying reasons for the behavior. For example, when addressing hitting, it’s important to teach children alternative ways to manage their feelings and impulses. To teach them *what to do instead*. For children with ADHD, it’s also crucial to understand the reasons behind their behavior. Many times, their actions are not intentional, and it’s important to approach teaching them with empathy and a focus on intentional guidance. We need to consider the unique challenges they face due to their brain wiring and be sensitive to their needs when providing guidance. I think that relying only on consequences can also sometimes strain the relationship between adults and children. It may even impact how children perceive themselves in the long term. Building nurturing and supportive relationships, alongside appropriate discipline, can lead to better outcomes and healthier self-esteem for children. We can continue this conversation and work together to find effective and compassionate ways to support children with ADHD and their development and behavior.
@JosephRostkowski
10 ай бұрын
The beauty of psychology is no truth but theory, at no point is this a answer but OPION based treatment! Only worded that this is the answer, they never will state IN MY OPION DUE TO RESEARCH!
@kathryncainmadsen5850
4 ай бұрын
My experience is to add this to preventative rewards for good behavior and a daily "report card" so they earn privileges with good behavior. So the consequences of bad behavior is that they didn't earn something. Same effect from a different direction. The review of the report card is the teachable moment when they try to convince you they DID really earn it. 😅 They'll end up being really good lawyers. 😅
@NovasYouTubeName
Ай бұрын
You don’t need to “convince” kids they have a problem. They probably already feel bad for making mistakes they are trying to learn to work on. Consequences can be natural, like, you threw the iPad, it broke, not you done have one anymore. Consequences and discipline (teaching) works, punishment does not long term.
@mommybreakdown
Жыл бұрын
When we start looking at the cause and not the symptom, it helps everyone. Another great video!
@DoctorJacque
Жыл бұрын
Thanks so much for being here and watching! And yeah, figuring out what’s underneath is so important, for us and our kids ❤️
@rayshellray2824
8 ай бұрын
Ive tried this with my 9 year old and its not working cause half the time she dont even known why she doing it
@cmpremlap
8 ай бұрын
Yes, I suspect that is very similar to what we are experiencing. I am planning on meeting with our son’s doctor to discuss medication. I am hopeful it will allow me to be a parent and not the warden at least most of the time.
@rebbeccafryer1317
5 ай бұрын
Executive function deficit and lack of self awareness. Is the cause. And symptom of adhd that leads to this. The trick is finding out how to help despite that.
@violinmaker4271
5 ай бұрын
But YOU “know why she’s doing it” so if you tell her I understand what you felt and why you did that, but how about trying this better option instead. This works with my son.
@mandysteffan2958
5 ай бұрын
She is not suggesting that you ask your child why they are acting out. She is suggesting that you know your child well enough to guess, put it out there, and see if that makes sense. Like, if you feel they have been overstimulated, then asking your child would it make you feel better if we could sit down and read a book together in your room?
@Elianalivinglife
7 күн бұрын
Ask about what was the feeling inside of you, that made you react that way, shall we figure out how I can help you feel better
@AnnieBrinkley-g8d
7 ай бұрын
Do you have advice for teachers who have a student or multiple students with these behaviors?
@DoctorJacque
7 ай бұрын
Great question! This would be a good topic for a future video. Trying to get to know what works best for each student, and what doesn’t, is a great place to start. I’d also say trying to have the mindset that everyone is doing the best they can with the skills they have. That way, we’re not making judgments about why someone is doing something in a certain way or how something should be for someone.
@tammyfitzgerald5336
4 ай бұрын
So sad we not supposed to have to raise them and teach them 😢
@TheLifeofRileyinSpain
2 ай бұрын
I was ADHD kid and ended up as a teacher of preschool for a few years. You are right! I had the same 5 kids with ADD disprupting the class and I sat them by the blackboard with humour until the end of the class and during breaktime I repeated the song we were learning in class. They loved the extra attention. Also add kids love games like dancing to music and stopping like a statue when you stop the music. It gets rid of extra energy.
@Stardust414
28 күн бұрын
I have been ADD diagnosed and treated for a couple of decades now and I have a 10-year-old that is diagnosed ADD and I take issue with the idea of rewarding her disruptive, defiant behavior by showering her with extra attention and activities she enjoys. I am sincerely curious what you meant by sitting the kids by the blackboard with humor 🤔 Forgive me if I’ve missed something I should know!
@tammyanderson2372
16 күн бұрын
Hi! Your post interest me bc you’ve taught preschool. My four year attends preschool and has received negative marks daily for; hitting, not listening, running around…the list goes on and on. I’m not sure what to do we’re only a month into school and the teacher won’t email or call me back. I know he’s difficult but I fear he’s unliked and he can sense it. BUT I have no way of knowing that, it’s just my fear. Anyway any tips for how to address his behavior once he gets home or anything I could suggest to the teacher
@Michalos86
7 ай бұрын
I need to get my 3.5 year old son to preschool. It's a struggle. He used to go with my wife till mid December 2023. First 2 weeks were good, now it's a struggle most of the time. He wants my wife to dress him and does not take no for an answer. I tried timers, rewards after, forcing to dress him. Funny enough when my wife dresses him, he sometimes wants me to do it.
@DoctorJacque
7 ай бұрын
Toddlers and preschoolers can be so tricky sometimes! Staying consistent with what you say and do, especially after a change in the norm can be really important. If things are still persisting and difficult a month into a change, then it might be time to reach out to someone like your pediatrician for more individualized guidance. I have toddler separation anxiety video that might be helpful if you have seen it yet: kzitem.info/news/bejne/k5h-ypeunKBmqY4si=AOaS1S8ht2lREnX-
@NovasYouTubeName
Ай бұрын
Read “playful parenting” if you can! It’s full of genius ways to help get kids to do what we need them to do without the struggles - works particularly well for toddlers and young kids
@lifewithlarsandsusie8315
Ай бұрын
3.5 year old kids are still little. If he’s 6 and can’t dress himself I would worry.
@ashleykindheartministries
20 күн бұрын
You must be such a nice mom!!❤️❤️❤️ I pray I can be kinder and more patient with my children. I don’t think mine have adhd, but all kids have problems with learning obedience I think.
@Kathrynlove
8 ай бұрын
I f-ing HATE parenting 😒 I am tired.
@ajkhan129
8 ай бұрын
Join the club! Parenting is especially hard if we as children did not have good role models 😢
@badrumblyg
5 ай бұрын
you should've known what you were committing to when having children 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Ratmomma99
3 ай бұрын
A lot of people have no clue till it happens. Because we had crappy parents that wouldn't even look at this video.
@WvMnts
10 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing. Very informative. My 4yr flips out when he can’t do something and it goes as far as to hit his face and try and scratch himself and will destroy whatever he’s trying
@DoctorJacque
9 ай бұрын
Thank YOU for sharing and commenting 😊 I’m happy to hear you found it helpful. Sometimes a new perspective (or even a reminder of different ways) can make all the difference.
@maryshashaw2895
2 ай бұрын
I needed this today I could feel myself getting frustrated 😣
Пікірлер: 75