hi this is a beautiful video. i can't imagine how challenging it must have been to share your personal story but you did an incredible job-- it will definitely help other people in this position feel less alone
@goodolemeli
Жыл бұрын
I resonate so strongly with these stories. I'm quitting my PhD program this term after 2.5 years in the program. When I made this decision I thought I'd at least "master out", but now I'm leaving without finishing/defending my master's thesis. Do what's best for you, and don't let other's opinions sway you from doing so. I'm still grieving for the person I thought I was going to be, but this video and hearing other's experiences in the comments really helped solidify this decision for myself. I'm not okay now, in fact I'm still struggling, but I feel deep down that I will be okay moving forward. Thank you for this video.
@morgansweeney731
3 жыл бұрын
"no one wants to be strong through trauma"-- SAY IT AGAIN
@alliet7780
2 жыл бұрын
I'm 4 weeks into the Spring semester of my senior year of grad school. It's a DNP program (Doctor of Nursing Practice). It's been 5 years since I began. I'm a single mom, so it made me very emotional to watch the other single mom talk about her struggles. I can relate to some of these stories. I think I am going to drop out. I am just mentally and physically exhausted. I feel like it has pretty much sucked out all the joy from enjoying the little things in life. I am always so stressed and sleep deprived. My health has really taken a hit the last couple of years. I took medical leave, which had to be approved by the graduate school so could come back within a year. I think I only took 2 semesters off because I wanted to graduate next year. I was initially supposed to graduate this spring. Anyway, I woke up this evening after only sleeping for 2 hrs and decided to "get ahead" with my homework. I just started crying when I saw the amount of work I needed to get done and their due dates. I was just so overwhelmed and defeated. I typed up an email to my faculty mentor letting her know how I am feeling and just sent it. I honestly don't want to think about school or homework right now. I just want that feeling of not having to worry about due dates and presentations. I know its been over a year, but thank you for posting this. I needed to hear these stories. It was conforting. I'm very sorry about your mom having cancer. I'm an oncology nurse. She sounds like a fighter.
@drzonlyjonas323
3 жыл бұрын
This was so helpful. I've been struggling with this decision for a while. I still don't know if I'm quitting but at least I know I'll be okay if I do
@teresaambrosio3711
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks Niba for putting together this video. Moving out from a toxic situation is a sign of strength not failure. The most important thing of your life is your mental health, the rest is not important!
@chelsea7229
2 жыл бұрын
1:50 PLEASE don’t use the word “just” when talking about obtaining a grad school degree. My master’s is damn near breaking me and one of the hardest things is that there doesn’t seem to be any respect for just how difficult it can be, so I tend to keep my moth shut about how horribly I’m doing because I fear that those of you say it’s “just a masters” won’t understand that it can also be brutal process for exactly the same reasons phd students deal with.
@sebfox2194
2 жыл бұрын
Just before I submitted my master's thesis, my academic supervisor told me that it could form the bulk of a PhD. And that if I worked for an extra 1.5 years and added those results to the 2 years of work that I had already done, then I could get a PhD. So in some cases, the only difference between a PhD and a master's can be the amount of time spent on it. The level and quality of the work for the first 2 years can be identical, regardless of whether it is going to be a PhD or a master's degree in the end. Moreover, the master's was also more brutal than if I had directly signed up for a PhD programme, because the PhD would have been fully funded for years, whereas my master's was only funded for 1 year. So I had to work multiple jobs to fund my 2nd year, despite still working more than full time hours on my master's. I worked all day virtually every day, 7 days a week, that year, and I remember leaving the university at 11pm one day and genuinely thinking, "wow, I'm leaving early today," before realising how ridiculous that thought was. In any case, I hope things worked out ok for you, and that you managed to overcome the difficulties that you were facing with your master's degree.
@padmini4007
3 жыл бұрын
this is such a raw and beautiful video - thank YOU niba for putting this together. it's going to help SO many people - like you really are the first person i've seen actively speak out about this (which is both incredible & depressing). so much intention and work put into it, it is so obvious!
@taymaynard3636
2 жыл бұрын
I can’t thank you enough for sharing your personal story, and for compiling others’ stories! This is all too relatable. My mother was just diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer right after I moved halfway across the US for graduate school and I have hardly been able to get through the last couple months away from her. The worst part is that she wants more than anything for me to stay put, finish this MA program, and continue on to the doctoral program. No pressure, right? I guess I’ll keep talking to my therapist and seeking out folks like you who have been SO strong through such difficult decisions and situations. Sending my best to you and your mother. 💖
@morgansweeney731
3 жыл бұрын
"there's no right way to handle this situation except for surviving it"
@rezzy8590
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for making this video. I felt worn down nearing the end of my bachelor's and I'm glad I didn't continue in academia. Damn, I really hope this situation changes, sooner rather than later. Toxic almost seems like an understatement.
@erikanatarajan6998
3 жыл бұрын
All my life l believed it was my fault, for not being smarter ir speaking better English..thanks for teaching me that there is nothing wrong with me.
@niharikanaik8815
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for making this video and displaying the reality behind tha camera. May your beautiful soul blossom even more ✨. "NO ONE WANTS TO BE STRONG THROUGH TRAUMA" We should hear such things more often
@brittluck6172
9 ай бұрын
Hey there. The year that I started graduate school, my mother was diagnosed with dementia. It's been more than fifteen years since I left grad school post master's degree but without finishing my dissertation. Thank you for making this video. It was, like many people have said in the video, very brave of you. By having the courage to be this vulnerable on camera in front of so many viewers, you will help other people who really need to leave graduate school to do what's more important for their own mental health and for their loved ones. No matter what you believe, this life is so short. I'm glad I made the choice I did, and I have no regrets. I want anyone who needs to leave graduate school because of their own mental health or to be with a loved one or just to live a better life to know that you can do it! I really don't believe you'll regret your choice.
@clarissawright5373
5 ай бұрын
This is amazing, thanks for putting all this together. It's so real and needs to be heard. I am sure it will help many people in academia wondering if it isn't right for them.
@meghanayerabati5827
5 ай бұрын
Thanks, niba! After hearing your story, i must say that it is very brave and compassionate of you to make this video for others despite it being such a challenging thing to talk about. I don't think any degree teaches you that!!
@janhaviphadkar9948
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for making this video and compiling experiences of other students who encountered a similar toxic situation as me. I am representative of the 50% doctoral student population: Bipoc, minority, international student with super toxic mentor and department. This video has made me realize I wasn't alone nor I was the dumbest of my cohort. Covid really helped me find an amazing program with a kind supportive mentor but the period in between was beyond bleak and hopeless. I knew I wanted to get the degree, there wasn't an option of going back to my native country and I knew from my other PhD friends that it was a toxic gaslighting environment. Other universities that I shared my experience were not receptive so it's a whole cycle but my goal is to get the degree and opt for alternative careers utilizing my PhD.
@yaeren19
3 жыл бұрын
Im half way through this video and realized most of the people in it are women, who left their graduate program
@missd5103
Жыл бұрын
Words can not express how much I thank you for making this video.
@lifeandtabroad
Жыл бұрын
Hey Niba, This was a very helpful video. Thank you to all your friends who contributed and to you as well for opening up about the stuff most people are scared or ashamed of talking about. You are very courageous and I commend you for that your way of seeing the positive in all of this is very inspiring. I am glad things are going relatively okay. And I wanted you to know you have made a huge impact in my life and my perception of my career and self through this vid. Thanks again.
@morgansweeney731
3 жыл бұрын
so moving!! incredible to see all the different perspectives and different experiences
@mariahclaw8458
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing this video. I just decided to take a leave of absence from my PhD program and then my advisor told me they’re leaving the institution. I was devastated because I would not have stayed if it hadn’t been for the support from my advisor. Your story (and the others) resonates a lot with me and I just want to say thank you. Be well
@Aragorn450
3 жыл бұрын
I'm wondering where the backlash and shame from leaving a PhD program is coming from. Is it friends, family, fellow students? I flunked out of school (Cal Poly SLO) my first year and I've always been sad about that and wish I'd done the work I needed to succeed. However, I've never had anybody from outside attack me for it. There's companies I can't work for because they require a degree but that's just the way it goes. I've always worked for smaller companies and I've been able to just fine because of my skills and eventually experience.
@NotesByNiba
3 жыл бұрын
excellent question! from these interviews and sample size, it seems largely to come from academics but I'm sure it varies. as for your experience, was that in having to leave a PhD program?
@Aragorn450
3 жыл бұрын
@@NotesByNiba And for yourself? Honestly, I'm of the opinion that anybody that is shaming someone for making a big life choice like this, especially in cases like yours, should be removed from the life of the other person. Until you walk in the same shoes, just be supportive and leave it at that. As for myself, no, I was undergrad. I just didn't study. I had senioritis my freshman year of HS. Never had to study throughout HS and that didn't cut it once I got to college. Plus, like you, I went out of state and so had no support like I had the rest of my life. My own fault and I wish I had done it differently. Really, my parents wish they had held me back a year for starting school originally because I was a July birthday and always matured a little slower. So the extra year might have helped. But they didn't, and I didn't work harder and so things are different than they might have been. But worse or better? No way of knowing. Anyway, I am truly sorry for your experiences and the experiences of the people you interviewed. Life can be very difficult and it is so much worse when people cut you down when you need support the most. Thankfully it sounds like you did have some support from close friends and family which allowed you to survive and keep going. Thank you for sharing your story and letting others hear a "success" during those terrible times. They are not over, but you clearly will get through them stronger.
@morgansweeney731
3 жыл бұрын
almost 50% leave???? that's a shockingly high number
@NotesByNiba
3 жыл бұрын
oof right! It's specific to doctoral students (i.e. not masters, med school, etc)
@krishnakumarkanagalanantha4104
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Niba! Thank you so much for sharing this video. One advice which really stands out to me was minimizing the regrets. Beautiful and Thank you again for sharing your story. Best wishes.
@showtelll
2 жыл бұрын
this video is perfect all around thank you for being vulnerable!
@divyaanantsri9817
2 жыл бұрын
Hey thank you so much for sharing your story. Sending you love and strength
@clarissawright5373
5 ай бұрын
This deserves a million views!
@shireensultana3578
3 жыл бұрын
You will survive through it all. I am rooting for you❤️
@melissacastillo4004
Жыл бұрын
I freaking hate grad school so much, considering walking away with 1.5 classes left. I would not recommend it to anyone. It’s built to destroy your voice, your mental and physical health and possibly your sanity.
@chrisalterado8651
Жыл бұрын
This is what im currently experiencing. Feeling like my identity is wrapped around getting my grad degree despite the mental stress, anxiety and struggle that it comes with and also wanting to be in the academia for the rest of my life. I'm only 1 semester down in my program and im contemplating whether or not to continue with it. Im struggling with financial support and personal support. I feel like if I quit, I am a failure but if I don't quit, I know i'll be miserable.
@morgansweeney731
3 жыл бұрын
“im a very california person avocado runs through my veins” - accurate
@Cocoanutty0
Жыл бұрын
I’m currently trying to quit my grad program basically for all the reasons listed in chapter 2. I’m not sure how to tell them that there’s no support for autistic people or people who think differently than traditional academics. They failed me and are now telling me I am throwing away 3 years of work. No, it was already wasted by them not supporting me. I’m simply acknowledging that it was already wasted.
@nathanmigdal7960
Жыл бұрын
Egos are often involved in academic program struggles. I imagine many people working in academia develop insecurities over time because of "knowledge bullying", often perpetuated by those who are themselves emotionally insecure. It's unfortunate but highly intelligent people often form an unstable pecking order based on who is perceived as the smartest. As students, we are sometimes recipients of misdirected anger and frustration from professors who have been kicked to the bottom of their group's pecking order or shunned for something they said or published. Race/ethnicity can certainly play a role as well. If you are occasionally mistreated by a professor during your graduate career, try not to take it personally. Easier said than done.
@stevehobbs390
2 жыл бұрын
I enjoyed the video. Thank you for sharing.
@jarrodsio
2 жыл бұрын
in all honesty, you need not feel guilty at all. I think most people can agree that you left the program due to unforeseen external forces. It says nothing about your intellect or your level of commitment towards the PhD at all. Forgive yourself and if possible, consider signing up for a PhD program, this time, in Cali.
@morgansweeney731
3 жыл бұрын
"if it weren't for all this bullshit life would be pretty ok"
@bdomps
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for this video. I'd like to hear from international students whose status depends on their admission status
@jacobsimanek1333
2 жыл бұрын
In Canada they allow international students to take leave of absences just the same as domestic students
@Neorient
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks from a Pakistani nano grad.
@Dannytheman444
3 жыл бұрын
20:45 me right now
@SectionHikingTheAT
2 жыл бұрын
10:45 exactly.
@grigorioss3936
3 жыл бұрын
What about men who quit? I think the shame in guys might be even bigger so that they don't come out to say it on cam? Or is it a coincidence that there's none in here?
@NotesByNiba
3 жыл бұрын
There were a few men who left that I spoke to, but I decided to focus the video on US-only and PhD-only. There were definitely fewer men who responded to my request for stories leaving grad school, but whether thats because fewer men leave or men don’t want to discuss why they left publicly, I can’t say for sure.
@nadiabednarczuk9516
3 жыл бұрын
I love this video, I would SO interested in a similar video but from someone that identifies as a male and their perspective? Does it even exist? Is this a she/they problem of today in architecture?
@FaV1
2 жыл бұрын
I'm male and going through this. I think men maybe less likely to open up about these things because of toxic masculinity expectations that "men just have to be tough and shouldn't be vulnerable". But it's certainly happening to all of us, although in different ways.
@nadiabednarczuk9516
2 жыл бұрын
@@FaV1 that's a really wonderful perspective you have given me. Thank you.
@sebfox2194
2 жыл бұрын
@@nadiabednarczuk9516 I don't think that sex/gender is that much of a factor in terms of experiencing general difficulties during a PhD. The only exceptions are likely to be specific gender related issues, such as gender based discrimination, or sexual harassment. I am male, and personally I experienced quite a few problems during my PhD. So much so, that I wanted to quit most days for the 7 years that I spent working on it. Like Fabio says, men also experience many of the same problems that women do, but are often less likely to talk about them. I know a number of guys who either quit or failed their PhD programmes, and a number of others who completed their PhDs but had a really tough time. A quick summary of a few of the problems that I faced during my Masters and PhD are as follows: 1) Working from morning till night most days, including most weekends, but still experiencing little to no useful progress for years, and then slow progress for the following years because I was essentially stumbling around in the dark and having to find my own way most of the time. 2) Extreme stress, trouble sleeping, isolation, lack of social interaction, degradation of personal relationships, self doubt, and a general feeling of depression, due to working too hard but still not feeling like I was making sufficient progress. 3) Long delays in receiving essential materials, and significant wait times to access specific equipment. Including having to work nights for long periods of time in order to use equipment that was heavily booked during the daytime. Plus a number of instances of equipment failure that wasted many months of work. 4) Feeling like I was being judged as a failure for years, due to the aforementioned lack of progress. This was partially alleviated when I achieved the highest grades in the department on my first few PhD level courses/exams, but it never fully went away. 5) Multiple sports injuries, including a bad knee injury from football, where I could hardly walk for 6 months. Plus an operation. 6) An allergic reaction to antibiotics and anaphylactic shock, that caused 3-4 months of headaches and illness that required many different hospital visits. 7) Both parents being diagnosed with cancer. Although at this point, all of my problems were nothing compared to theirs. 8) Losing most of my life savings of over $100k in a financial market crash. 9) Having to work on my PhD, unpaid, pretty much full time for 3 more years after my funding ran out. 10) Having to choose between quitting my PhD or selling all of my remaining financial investments for the future at relatively low prices in order to pay my living expenses for the final 3 years required to finish it. 11) Watching said financial assets massively increase in value after I had sold them, such that the value of the assets sacrificed to complete my PhD grew into the multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars shortly after my graduation. I had wanted to reinvest at this time, but I had no money left. So I could only watch from the sidelines with my PhD certificate, as everything that I had previously owned rocketed up in value into the hundreds of thousands of dollars without me. There were also a number of other issues and problems that I'm not going to go in to here, but those are the brief highlights.
@BarriosGroupie
2 жыл бұрын
I find it very noticeable that everyone here is female
@tomy4453
2 жыл бұрын
Based on the testimonies, these are people who can't handle a PhD or did not do their due diligence before applying into a PhD program. Also, poor title - it should be "to leave grad school".
@juliegoulet7577
3 жыл бұрын
well abandoning your phd usually mean that you are not done for that and i am tired always critic their boss for it, Getting a phd is not for everybody and it is hard a success rate of 50% is normal there is really few people who have what it need for a successful scientific career. It needs special intellectual and personal quality to focus on a project and make it going foward. That also includes social hability to do not get in trouble with your advisor. You are the junior you have to adapt.
@sebfox2194
2 жыл бұрын
Getting a PhD isn't only dependent on the personal qualities of the individual PhD student either though. It is also highly dependant on the particular advisor or project. The same student who completes one specific PhD, may not have completed a different one, and vice-versa. PhDs are very variable, and some are much harder than others. For example, I know some people who quit one PhD programme and then went on to complete a different one. So abandoning a specific PhD doesn't necessarily mean that the individual isn't cut out for a PhD in general.
@THEREALZENFORCE
3 жыл бұрын
"financial burden" aka an excuse for "as a socialist i do not know and understand how to handle money, i refuse to repay student debt and i want everything paid by taxpayers money and i wonder why nobody wants to pay me a lot of money for my gender studies degree, so i label everything racist and unjust because other people from every ethnicity have a better life than me because they made better choices" Little tip, life is more than some being salty about some failed dreams and trying to live to yours and other people's expectations because like Rocky Balboa it is not important how many times you fall but how many times you get up and continue on life's journey. life experience over time > most things in life
@sebfox2194
2 жыл бұрын
That's not always true in every case, as the difficulty of a PhD, and the financial burden faced, often depends on the specific project, rather than whether the individual is good with money or whether they are good at their work. For example, I know some people who were far better than average at their PhDs who just happened to have a tougher project or examiner, and were therefore forced to work for an extra year or more without pay in order to to complete their PhD, as they exceeded their funding period through no fault of their own. And then I also know some pretty average students who had easier projects and had no problem completing their PhD within time and budget. Sometimes it's down to the individual, but other times it can heavily depend on external circumstances that are out of the individual's control. The best student in my lab produced a complete engineering research project on high temperature materials for jet engines, on time and on budget. Their academic advisors were happy with their work, and a major blue chip jet engine company also started using the models that they developed to improve their manufacturing processes. However, that student encountered a particularly awkward examiner who wouldn't accept their results, because of the software programme that they used, despite that software being pretty well accepted generally, and their models and software already being accepted by their advisors, and also being used by a major company. So the student then had to work for an extra year without pay to repeat all of their calculations and simulations using different software to satisfy this examiner and get their PhD. And when they completed this work, the results turned out almost exactly the same as before. So that individual faced a far more difficult obstacle and financial burden than most other PhD students through no particular fault of their own. I also know of a few others who went over their funding period for various reasons, and simply had to quit and get jobs. Some of them are still highly qualified professional engineers right now, so it's not like they have issues fitting into society or anything. They just happened to experience more financial difficulties than others at critical times during their PhDs, so they had to leave to find work.
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