The "clean girl" "it girl" "that girl" "female manipulator" "femcelcore" etc. It never ends so many boxes
@mariyamsaeed8279
2 жыл бұрын
Oh my god yes. We can't exist as women, just women, anymore lol
@briar2603
2 жыл бұрын
@daisyk trans people exist, cry about it
@dia.96
2 жыл бұрын
@daisyk boo tomato tomato. You people are too comfortable posting bigotry in the internet. Trans women are always welcomed, terfs are not.
@soph3378
2 жыл бұрын
@@mariyamsaeed8279 What does existing as women, just women, look like to you?
@mariyamsaeed8279
2 жыл бұрын
@daisyk yea no transphobia pls.
@meganwatkins6798
2 жыл бұрын
i hate when they use 'sylvia plath core' as if she wasn't a real lady who had real troubles that caused her to really unfortunately take her own life. as if she doesn't have real children who are probably traumatised from her death considering the context. i hate that they use her tragedy as their cute tortured girl aesthetic. it also perpetuates the 'tortured artist' norm where people who are struggling are encouraged to suffer in silence for the art rather than seek real help
@forrestc8466
2 жыл бұрын
and she was incredibly racist but no one talks about it 🥰
@meganwatkins6798
2 жыл бұрын
@@forrestc8466 i'm sorry, i didn't know that. the femcel trend feels very exclusive towards the 'pretty' type of mentally ill and the very specific type of person in general which is perpetuated by the types of people they idolise - white, middle/upper class, skinny, cis etc. i suppose we haven't escaped or evolved from the 2014 sad girl tumblr after all
@chalaedit
2 жыл бұрын
@@forrestc8466 right …
@gabrielleporter553
2 жыл бұрын
@@forrestc8466 i remember reading the bell jar earlier this year and there’s scenes where black workers are described by her and it’s so obvious that Plath is racist- that’s how you can tell these people probably don’t even crack open the books they post in their aesthetic spreads since no ones talks about that aspect of the novel
@adeleaslan8182
2 жыл бұрын
@@forrestc8466 I loved her book but her look on POC was questionable at best. For her time I guess it wasn’t too bad but looking at it with a better eye really ruins her work for me
@elsiemae9270
2 жыл бұрын
It’s a never ending cycle. The “not like other girls” fascination was a response to female stereotypes, and toxic femininity is a response to that, and soon there will be another quirky girl phase in response to this. It just keeps going and going and going.
@michaelsperson4856
2 жыл бұрын
Next it'll be "I wear make-up and wear pink, I'm not like other girls?)
@ormishen
2 жыл бұрын
If "not like other girls" is sort of equivalent to being one of the boys and then would mean that to a degree apopting male anesthetics or at least ideals and personality traits, it makes sense for some women to adopt the male toxic incel (alt-right) culture.
@Ash-vv5ei
2 жыл бұрын
Yep. Every ten years, it seems, unfortunately.
@BC-np8cb
2 жыл бұрын
Yup. But whatever phase, it's essential to be cute/hot/pretty or whatever. That remains constant.
@zoechavez9515
2 жыл бұрын
Came here to say this but you put it much better than I could have. “Uniqueness” is very marketable, but when these trends become popular and overused, they are no longer “unique” and therefore they must be rebelled against by the newest wave of “not like other girls”. As women we all fall into this trap at some point because society tells us there is a “right” and a “wrong” way to be a woman, and IMO these trends subconsciously exploit that view. But of course there are infinite ways to be a woman and we shouldn’t feel the need to commodify and package ourselves into neat little boxes just to feel like we matter. It’s a tough mindset to break, especially when even the concept of “authenticity” can fall into this trap.
@claireheffernan6774
Жыл бұрын
i feel like the "sad girl" aesthetic and all of its predecessors made me want to never get better. i felt terrible all the time and i was so afraid every time i started feeling better that i wouldn't be cool anymore
@mothwood7055
Жыл бұрын
this is exactly why i say these sad girl, fleabag era, femcel core things aren't sustainable. eventually you have to stop it and try to get better or die trying
@earthycancer
Жыл бұрын
how were you able to move past that fear? I'm in the same situation, I feel as if I'll lose my personality & quirk that makes me "cool"
@Charlie_Wolfe
Жыл бұрын
Omg do I relate to this
@NA-qt1sr
11 ай бұрын
I relate to this so much
@L0veIyLamb
9 ай бұрын
I relate to this so much. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety and anorexia for years and because everyone romanticizes it I don’t WANT to get better. I want to be sad and depressed. It sucks
@zg5672
2 жыл бұрын
I love how all aesthetics can basically be simplified to the same white skinny girl fashionista model style, yet the name changes each time
@layadaya
Жыл бұрын
REAL
@zg5672
Жыл бұрын
@@auraeliis zuul what a cool name I might have to steal that from u
@itsvinilol
Жыл бұрын
for real
@nouhoes7040
Жыл бұрын
ur pfp 😭
@m1sniper
Жыл бұрын
Girl you are so dumb why tf y’all listen to Mina and her fake wokeness🤦🏻♀️
@marianleon6324
2 жыл бұрын
Also let's remember how all the aesthetics and movements are okay and cool if you are a physically attractive girl and it becomes "sick"and "disgusting"when you are not.
@ghostgirl1940
2 жыл бұрын
exactly!! its like this aesthetic and every other is only acceptable if youre a pretty skinny white girl. this is why i could never truly relate to it, it feels like a club youre cant be part of
@theunitydev5418
2 жыл бұрын
Im gonna tell you a secret we think they are better people and treat them nicer Dunno exactly the reason behind it but it is something we do without realizing it and not a conscious choice
@jeans8593
2 жыл бұрын
@@ghostgirl1940 fully agreed! it's as if key parts of some aesthetics revolve around the body you have and physical attributes about yourself that you can't change in under 5 minutes (for example, your waist size, your height, your body shape/the structure of your body, some of your facial features), which then feels as though in order to appreciate an aesthetic or surround yourself in it, if you don't already look a certain chosen way, you can't do it.
@ghostgirl1940
2 жыл бұрын
@@jeans8593 yesss exactly and it’s so frustrating because you never feel pretty enough for it
@mariahsisneros7572
2 жыл бұрын
True and that's one of the reasons I hate these dumbass aesthetics trends!!
@adeleaslan8182
2 жыл бұрын
Can nothing be painful in a woman's tragedy? Does self-harm have to come with pretty filters? Why does the water we drown in have to be filled with lilies like a fancy bath and not just be the water someone drowned in? Why does everything about a girl have to be soft and lovely? I’m surprised they haven’t tired to turn our blood pink to look prettier when it spills
@user-lp7fc4iq3u
2 жыл бұрын
underrated comment
@yutisima
2 жыл бұрын
what a comment. whay a fucking comment. I'll be forever mad i didn't wrote this comment
@user-lp7fc4iq3u
2 жыл бұрын
@@yutisima u said it better than I could
@hannahm5513
2 жыл бұрын
so true
@adeleaslan8182
2 жыл бұрын
@@yutisima that’s so sweet thank you
@Peenith123
Жыл бұрын
As someone with (professionally diagnosed) bipolar and someone who has struggled with eds, I can say that this ‘trend’ or ‘aesthetic’ is so harmful. The people who willingly romanticise life-ruining stuff (such as drugs, abuse, mental illness, eds, etc) are so far from understanding what it’s actually like
@Souls-at-zer0
Жыл бұрын
And as a young person your wold is so tied into it that when you start to heal and get better it’s like you don’t even know who you are anymore or where you fit in when your world and those around you are just so into the drinking the drugs the aesthetic of suicidal ideation and the aesthetic of depression and suffering ….
@Phoenix888Taylor-yr3jc
11 ай бұрын
As someone who is " 'professionally' diagnosed bipolar", I can say that this trend and washing by mainstream medicine and mass diagnosing for bandwidth effect. That. Is harmful.
@evanwiechert3168
7 ай бұрын
I have struggled with PTSD and chronic drug abuse since my late teens, so preach. Fucking preach
@hannahstriker
6 ай бұрын
But "Femcels" are not glorifying or romanticizing substance abuse. Now, obviously it is such a toxic and deeply damaging trend, but I have never once personally encountered glorification of substance abuse in said communities.
@redwoodrebelgirl3010
4 ай бұрын
Truth.
@NannaLaurie
2 жыл бұрын
I never understood how Marina was sadgirl. I thought she was just like, theatrical, cool and kind of empowering.
@wargodest
2 жыл бұрын
Agreed
@simsloverchick9270
2 жыл бұрын
Her song, teen idle, was definitely very angsty and sad girl. Still love her though
@layadaya
Жыл бұрын
it was. Even today most people don’t know that Electra Heart was just a character
@joce3347
Жыл бұрын
Yeah if you listen to her other stuff it’s very different.
@sallynewman7320
Жыл бұрын
Most of her songs are about being mentally ill, lonely, dangerous and/or manipulative. Heartbreaker, primadonna, Lonely Hearts Club, homewrecker, power and control -manipulative, (and one mentions an ED) Teen Idol -mentally Ill , lonely lies, obsessions -lonely starring role - lonely, manipulative hermit the frog - mentally ill, dangerous numb -lonely guilty -dangerous, lonely rootless -lonely
@ec6651
2 жыл бұрын
it’s interesting seeing singers/artists dragged into it. i watched one of mitski’s recent interviews where she basically just reacted to memes about her since she isn’t on social media and one meme was about someone entering her ‘sad girl/depressed’ era bc mitski’s new album was coming out, to which mitski basically said ‘hey guys, let’s ditch this whole sad girl thing, it’s not good for our mental health’ - which i think is really interesting. her music is inherently sad, like heartbreakingly so. and while it’s okay to lean into that sadness when you need to, it shouldn’t become people’s whole personalities. mitski’s goal was never to create a cult of sad girls and unfortunately that’s sort of what happened.
@sunmi2539
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah lol
@Kaastengels
2 жыл бұрын
Also the response to that was "hey guys mitski told us to stop being depressed" which totally misread her entire message
@OfficialROZWBRAZEL
2 жыл бұрын
@@Kaastengels if they misread her albums as cue to become sad girl aesthetic, odds are they’d misinterpret literally anything else she said or did the worst way, too.
@journey7701
2 жыл бұрын
@@OfficialROZWBRAZEL I feel like even just labeling mitski as “sad girl music” undersells the complexity of her music and her talent as an artist. If after listening to her music “sad” is the only adjective you can think of, you don’t get mitski lol
@supersucks
2 жыл бұрын
It makes me feel sad for Mitski too. She uses her music as an art form and a way for her to express her feelings yet people exaggerate it, sometimes glamorizes it, and making it their whole personality. I get loving your artists, but not to the extent that it makes them feel more alienated by their own audience. This generation, MY generation, have this way of romanticism. May it be nostalgia, sadness, or cynicism. My generation gets a topic they like and runs with it, ironically or not. They relish and revel in being so extreme. To the point that it actually becomes disturbing.
@gail1606
2 жыл бұрын
"Being sad was considered cool and so a lot of teenage girls who probably weren't actually battling with serious mental illnesses kind of induced traits of those mental illnesses within themselves as an attempt to fit in." Well worded. 👏 Having clinical depression and anxiety is NOT easy to live with nor should it be glamorised in any way.
@tiff921
2 жыл бұрын
It really shouldn't be glamorized but talked about enough that those are suffering from mental illness have more accessible help. As an adult I'm more upset that doctors just throw birth control and anti depressants at young girls before trying to figure out what else is wrong. I think there's a lot of issues that go into this sad girl movement.
@GottEddy
2 жыл бұрын
@@tiff921 The system is designed to keep you down. They profit from ignorance and illness in form of money and control. Healthy and in form ed people don't consume trash and are not easy to be controlled. The nightmare of the tyrannical abuser.
@makeawishtheresastar5
Жыл бұрын
Exactly, having mental illness is really hard I sometimes can't think of anything other than doing basic human activities
@golfwang8084
Жыл бұрын
What’s really interesting is that I was a kid around that whole tumble sad girl era. However I wanted to be anything but mentally ill, and actually masked my mental issues until I reached a breaking point sophomore year of high school. I was triple diagnosed with ocd, adhd and panic disorder after a 4 hour long psychiatric evaluation. I was absolutely devastated and embarrassed. Two years later, I’ve started college and come to terms with myself and my issues. I’m no longer ashamed of it but still hesitant to tell people irl. It’s crazy to see people using mental health as a trend, and “cool”. From the perspective of someone who actually has to take meds for this stuff, it’s crazy to me that anyone would WANT this.
@pootube2024
Жыл бұрын
@@golfwang8084 I bet they wouldn't want schizophrenia,split personality, dementia or bipolar.🙄
@Eyeball44
Жыл бұрын
It is so hard to just exist as a woman.
@wrathengel82
Жыл бұрын
fr it's an full time torture to just exist as a woman
@Wuehewnqnejejwebdbd
Жыл бұрын
All I'm gonna say is that grass isn't always greener on the other side.........
@marvin2678
Жыл бұрын
cry me a river...
@SenorPenor1337
Жыл бұрын
Gotta be satire
@velocitor3792
Жыл бұрын
Life is hard for everyone. If you want to be a powerful girlboss, then deal with it.
@neonglobe1382
2 жыл бұрын
I think a lot of this “aesthetic culture” can be linked to insecurity and identity crisis. The need to feel special, unique, or wanted. When I was in middle school and at the height of my insecurities I felt the need to categorize myself and put all of these different labels on myself. Tik tok didn’t exist when I was in middle school (thank God) but tumblr and twitter did. I was the ugly, awkward, shy girl and felt like I didn’t fit in. I felt like no one liked me and the only close friend I had at the time bullied me. I wanted to feel special and unique so I turned to aesthetics and music. If I couldn’t be the popular pretty girl then I would be the soft sad girl. I felt like I needed to categorize myself, because just being myself wasn’t good enough. Since then I have matured a bit but when I see all this aesthetic stuff online it makes me wonder how many of these girls feel the same way that I did. I’m not saying aesthetics are bad I just think that we shouldn’t be using them to cope with insecurity and identity issues.
@natn.5022
2 жыл бұрын
The way I relate to this so much…I definitely think that these aesthetics can be linked to a need for belonging or acceptance, as well as a need to feel special and unique. And a lot of these feelings are created because of the desire to be “set apart from other girls” or the dreaded “not like other girls” phenomenon, which all links back to misogynistic societal views and ideals. You hit the nail on the head!
@ritaevergreen7234
2 жыл бұрын
I feel this. In my early twenties when social media started using more marketing and lifestyle content it made me obsessed with imagining my made up world through these different aesthetics presented. A lot of it looking back was únrealisitc and just escapism and emotional avoidance of everything I was avoiding which was the acceptance of my journey with identity during the time. I still enjoy the little things but it’s not the center of my focus as it was before.
@Oqhixiism
2 жыл бұрын
I was the same way!! I feel like I was an outcast and decided to look into aesthetics and maybe people will like me more and I would feel better about myself. I didn't feel better at all... I got called a try hard, which made me even worse than before. Eventually I stopped worrying about aesthetics and now I feel better.
@ninafigueiredo2450
2 жыл бұрын
so true
@spokenme08
2 жыл бұрын
Myspace launched when I was in 8th grade, and while I never used it, I had friends who went hard into the scene queen and related subcultures.One of the key differences I think talking to (pre) teen relatives is being a prep or emo or scene queen was a way to categorize yourself but they usually had IRL communities with them. I've had young cousins tell me that there is an overwhelming amount of options and that it is tiring to sort through. Sites like KZitem,Twitter and Tumblr started when I was in high school but weren't super popular yet. My sister had a similar experience to you.
@steve-wm4hf
2 жыл бұрын
This is peak « chronically online », all of this is so disconnected from reality and so romanticized but unfortunately has a real effect on mental health. And I just try to picture myself trying to explain all of that to my parents… and that just makes me want to put my phone down and go for a walk honestly.
@izzy3018
Жыл бұрын
lmaoo this comment
@astridkickass9977
Жыл бұрын
so real
@Chloe-lf2bv
Жыл бұрын
Truest comment in the thread like wtf people actually care about this in real life? Isn't all this just for some online fun?
@cinnamoroll_kinnie
Жыл бұрын
You're actually privileged if you can just go on a walk 😠/jkjkjk
@lotte1521
Жыл бұрын
@@cinnamoroll_kinnie what??
@mcokayiguess3879
2 жыл бұрын
Aesthetics are empty, they do not define you, they only put you in a frame, limit you even. Be who you are, wear what you want, drink and eat what you like, life isn't a movie and that's not a bad thing!
@dontevenstart
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly!! Why don’t more ppl realise this 🙄🙄
@piroshk1968
2 жыл бұрын
100% !!!!
@_eIIa_
2 жыл бұрын
@oh wow whats that got to do with placing yourself within an aesthetic...
@etherevine
2 жыл бұрын
nah aesthetics definitely limit you
@WHOTHAFUCK
2 жыл бұрын
The "life isn't a movie" hits so hard into millennials (and gen z). I swear to god, if there is one thing i hate about my own generation the most, its the media-induced narcissism where everyone sees themselves as some kind of "main role" in the movie that is their life. Its so cringy and yet many many people have these patterns of viewing themselves and their life. The good thing: most people get humbled by life, aging and an imperfect reality that crushes their grandiose selfcenteredness over time.
@dogdonut3
Жыл бұрын
My 3 year old daughter once spent an entire day asking me, "What kind of girl am I?" I gave her every answer I could think of; a good girl, a smart girl, a girl I love, a funny girl... After each one she'd get angrier, stomp her foot and ask again, "No! What kind of girl am I?!" After a frustrating day of this, her dad came home from work. I told him how our daughter was driving me crazy and I didn't know what to tell her. Then she ran up to him and asked the inevitable, "What kind of girl am I?!" "You're a Norwegian girl!" He happily replied. She smiled from ear to ear and was finally satisfied. 😳 What had just happened. Her dad explained that he'd talked to her about ancestors and told her where hers came from. She really liked identifying with being Norwegian (we're from the US). I had to laugh...and wish I'd known that hours earlier! I think we all like that feeling of knowing what kind of girl/person we are. I guess it can also be frustrating when others don't see us as we want them to.
@ashengrotto
Жыл бұрын
this was really insightful, in a silly and simple sort of way that only kids can provide! thanks for sharing, how cute :)
@norahamre4179
Жыл бұрын
I'm norwegian too!! :)
@dogdonut3
Жыл бұрын
@@norahamre4179 :-)
@dogdonut3
10 ай бұрын
@@lapelusa993 😆Her father's family is from Norway.
@justbreathe_
4 ай бұрын
That’s very cute and the answers you gave were great
@doveko2007
Жыл бұрын
To the girls watching this, listening to Lana, Mitski and other trendy or underrated artists and liking some sort of fashion aesthetic/core doesn't make you a femcel :) don't be ashamed of liking it
@MindlikeConstellations
Жыл бұрын
Thank you! I find it annoying that people immediately assume that if I like Lana Del Ray, I'm a coquette whisper girl, and if I like Billie eilish then I'm depressed.
@golfwang8084
Жыл бұрын
REAL
@firstnamelastname9219
Жыл бұрын
@@MindlikeConstellations Billie Eilish is a sexist child to be fair
@silverfl0ret
Жыл бұрын
Thank you! Especially when you landed on their art AFTER your life had - for other reasons that are obviously not related to the internet era - a breakdown. To the ones who know the mess it is to deal with thraumas... sending love and joy to all the warriors out there that sleeped a bit well since they've crossed such artists. ♡ you're so strong, you survived 'till now. You are full of light inside of you
@extrzq
Жыл бұрын
thank you! i’m a huge lana fan but i am not super depressed,abused,or into older men. i just love her music and it is great escapism for me.
@Lenci_the_Nugget
2 жыл бұрын
The fact that the emotions of women either get demonized or turned into an "aesthetic" is a great example of the misogyny in our culture. Just let women feel what they feel. It doesn't have to be labelled as "evil" or "beautiful".
@riverAmazonNZ
2 жыл бұрын
yeah, it’s a reflection of the way women are not seen as whole people with complex emotions
@Chloeatrandom
2 жыл бұрын
exactly
@erenkasa7882
2 жыл бұрын
Women are the one doing it to their selves , stop blaming other people , hold yourselves accountable for things .
@Lenci_the_Nugget
2 жыл бұрын
@@erenkasa7882 Misogyny can be internalized.
@Silver-Sunshine
2 жыл бұрын
@@Lenci_the_Nugget These days, l don't think a man would DARE to criticize women as he would just get canceled. It's women who hate on women the most. But to call it 'internalized misogyny' is highly simplistic and, quite frankly, a cop out. It is time to stop blaming men for your shortcomings. Sometimes women just hate other women the way men hate other men and it's got nothing to do with the big, bad wolf, also known as 'the patriarchy'. Instead, it's human nature; people want other people to fail so they can feel good about themselves. Women are no different.
@sophiaisabelle01
2 жыл бұрын
Mina Le is undeniably great at constructive criticism of every single topic she covers. She’s well-spoken, well-read, and she isn’t the type to miss out on necessary details. Whatever she has in store, it’ll always surprise us, no matter where we may be or what else we could be doing as of this very moment.
@youknow7856
2 жыл бұрын
No offense but this video was terribly researched
@crystalcastlesII
2 жыл бұрын
@@youknow7856 Would you mind explaining why you think so?
@abrielle13
2 жыл бұрын
@@youknow7856 If you're going to make a statement like that, at least be able to back it up 🙄
@Zihree
2 жыл бұрын
if only she didn't get mad over aesthetics
@Key_kiwi
2 жыл бұрын
@@Zihree we’ll have you seen the toxicity that comes with it ….
@nEmette28
Жыл бұрын
My conclusion: fuck aesthetics or “types” or caricatures. And just doing the opposite of what you feel you’re “supposed” to do isn’t true rebellion, it’s reactionary not a revolution, I like what I like regardless of what symbols exist or expectations. Life is complicated and you’ll never find the answers in a neat definition or passing fad.
@gudinesangelicau
Жыл бұрын
up because aesthetic does bot define you, you define aesthetic-
@Sarah-re7cg
Жыл бұрын
Great comment 👏🏻 👏🏻 i need a sign with a quote capsuling the sentiment of reactionary vs revolutionary
@feena9241
Жыл бұрын
Realizing this is growing up, and that's the true answere here: the reason why all these discussions happen almost exclusively among young people is that teens and young people are at a stage of self discovery in their life and trying to figure out where they fit in but as you get older a lot of this just doesn't matter anymore and you typically get less insecure. That's why a lot of people (including myself) were passionatly identifying with a specific group like emo or any other scene as teens and "grow out of it" because you don't feel the need to attach that specific label to yourself anymore even if you still like the style. But with social media and shit like Tik Tok it seem to get a litte out of hand.
@gudinesangelicau
Жыл бұрын
@@feena9241 yes👏👏👏 and it doesnt help that even I at one point really felt that attacking or not liking my niche automatically means you hate me-😅 when interests does not define you but you define ur interests-
@thefruitman3200
Жыл бұрын
Amen
@blueberrytarts2330
2 жыл бұрын
Tbh my biggest problem with the term “femcel” is that it’s grouping interests that tend to be female dominated with ACTUAL male incels, one of the most notoriously misogynistic groups on the internet, only beaten by the alpha male-Andrew Tate types. It’s really weird to group an AESTHETIC to people who actively harm women :/
@saajalon
2 жыл бұрын
^^ this!
@teas.9566
2 жыл бұрын
to be fair some femcels actively harm men, have you seen the subreddit female dating advice?
@SQUELCH-zj7il
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah this vid was a very uncommon L
@LaneMaxfield
2 жыл бұрын
I like this... I also think sometimes the infantilization of women leads us to take harm done by women less seriously. Like, the majority of male incels are not going to shoot up a building either, they're just going to be emotionally abusive and justify their emotional abuse with the aesthetics of the community. And so many femcels do stigmatize mental health recover, encourage eating disorders, emotionally manipulate and backstab other women, etc. I don't know how to separate the difference in harm from our tendency to see women as being less harmful, and the inherent sexism of that perspective.
@hannahiseithertiredorwired6265
2 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately there are some fringe-case femcels who are at the level or worse then incels (and I'm talking actual crimes and s*xual v*olence against both men and women that some of these *lovely* ladies have done), granted I'm sure there is very little overlap between these femcels and people who partake in 'femcel-core' but still certain mindsets are probably shared to a certain extent. (I know of a couple of cases, one more heinous than the other [that one had a laundry list of trigger warnings] but they both ruin your day lol)
@Princess_Weekes
2 жыл бұрын
This is so interesting. I feel like as a WOC my "aesthetic" has always been defined by Rihanna and her effortless cool high fashion alt. When she went into her Good Girls Gone Bad era it just felt like yess, this can be me. Because I was goth on the inside, but being Black in the 2000s, it felt a little weird to be Goth and Black on the outside.
@basicallyacrow
2 жыл бұрын
This is more recent but her anti album had all that angsty sadness and I loved it! Must Be Love on the Brain and Desperado! Also, hi Princess!
@tulipsalinger1410
2 жыл бұрын
you can be as goth as you wanna be don't let anyone tell you different! also, weird is good when it comes to being goth!
@Adronitis
2 жыл бұрын
Nerdy WOC here. Still waiting for my black girl/Hispanic girl nerdcore icons.
@tayrussell
2 жыл бұрын
SOOO TRUE
@lucianoe.m.918
2 жыл бұрын
please i beg you to live your life, forget about celebrities and the internet
@Jaaaannnneeee
2 жыл бұрын
As someone currently going through a bit of a mental health Time, I do sympathize with the femcelcore and girlblogging movement. It’s soooo much easier to just throw up my hands and go “ugh, the inherent trauma of womanhood, what can you do?”. And there is some dry humour in putting together a hyper feminine outfit even though I feel like I’m crumbling apart, but like??? Who does my ongoing pain serve? Who does aestheticizing feminine suffering benefit? Certainly not other women. Certainly not me. It’s much more empowering and feminist to strive for health and joy despite it all, and to uplift other women.
@biggusdickus7390
2 жыл бұрын
Yes! I appreciate the “sadgirl” movement for creating a space for girls and women to express their sadness to one another and like you said, feel some sort of dark humor about it all. But the sadgirl movement doesn’t really provide anywhere to go after that. It just leaves me feeling like “Ok, we’re all sad, now what?”
@hannahm5513
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah I get you, I find my outfits are a big thing for me. Like if I’m wearing this outfit people aren’t going to know that I’m struggling with ptsd, depression, anxiety etc. And to be honest I’m embarrassed to admit that because I always tell people to express how they feel but I don’t do that often enough (mainly do it in therapy but I still hold back a lot). I think the shame around mental illness is still present and people feel silenced and alone due to the toxic positivity trend. (Along with other things obviously but it’s definitely a contributing factor)
@morganburt2565
2 жыл бұрын
it’d be cool to see a highly feminine coded healing community. like this might be too much to ask cuz i can imagine ppl being weird and judgy about other ppls healing journey, but it’d be cool. i have bpd and something inside me that won’t let me wallow in my misery, so i’d love a ‘genuinely trying my best’ community
@Jaaaannnneeee
2 жыл бұрын
@@hannahm5513 yeah, it seems like we’re given a choice between toxic positivity (nothing’s wrong with you that a little sunshine and manifestation journaling can’t fix!) or wallowing in our misery (find a way to make your pain sexy, a commodity, something that can be sold to an audience). Neither leave room for real healing
@hannahm5513
2 жыл бұрын
@@morganburt2565 yeah that’d be nice to reframe it hopefully there will be one soon
@stonedrat24
Жыл бұрын
I'm too poor to have an aesthetic.
@y2ksurvivor
Жыл бұрын
omg that's so like, thrift store anesthetic tho like fr Kidding haha. It seems anything can be turned into an "aesthetic" because it's all so shallow to begin with.
@vivwest
Жыл бұрын
real
@damnitwho
11 ай бұрын
sjdkdhfkfjf same 🥲💀
@offline3700
8 ай бұрын
real
@whatthefvksk
5 ай бұрын
literally
@ashleymarshall3786
2 жыл бұрын
As a black woman at 30 I'm just interested in being me not trying to fit an aesthetic. Everyone is so fixated on a aesthetic and all these cores,I literally just wear and listen to what I want. It's upsetting women feel the pressure to label themselves and put there value in their looks. Wish we all could just empower each other to just embrace ourselves as we are.
@casy6203
2 жыл бұрын
I feel the same way but I do think it's because we're now adult women and our emotions aren't so raw. It's hard being young and I definitely don't miss it.
@lavacaqueri5454
2 жыл бұрын
These are teenagers maam. Why are you comparing yourself to teens trying to cope with their trauma?
@sveltekittiemelts
2 жыл бұрын
I found that certain aesthetics align with me and who I am already. I was the way I am without being fixated on an aesthetic, I just discovered some and realized *they* fit *me.* And I've never been one to conform or try to fit into a box. I feel it can go both ways.
@maybemablemaples2144
2 жыл бұрын
@@lavacaqueri5454 cause it's not *just* teens. It's people like the Kardashians, that adults also watch and follow, that are also doing it too. Some teens who started the movement are now adults still promoting the same toxic behaviors. We adults still need to be aware that we too can fall back into these harmful mindsets that can then be reinforced in to society.
@hannahwatkins7992
2 жыл бұрын
@@lavacaqueri5454 Because they aren't all teens? There are adults doing this too. Also, by providing her age, it explains her wisdom on the matter.
@inkyami7719
2 жыл бұрын
God, I am beginning to hate "-core" and "aesthetic" with a burning passion. The need to define and summarize your being with a 3-4 brands/bands/concepts (obviously, without ever diving in too deep into any of the micro-labels you choose to stick on your chest). The smallest possible box to fit your personality in. No one is truly that empty.
@writteninstars
2 жыл бұрын
this has always been an issue though. "emos", "goths", "nerds", "preps", "stoners". it's the same thing but packaged for this generation.
@BC-np8cb
2 жыл бұрын
Agree. I feel like it is also very rooted in capitalism too, in defining who you are by what you purchase, brand loyalty, certain products or visuals meant to represent way too much about a person's social position, character, etc.
@thatgirlstephanie6023
2 жыл бұрын
Well, for me, we shouldn't really hate on something because it's related to a problem. I like "-cores" and "aesthetics" cuz they're interesting to see and look at. But the problem are that these girls use these to create a sort of persona in it, because they see themselves as a character stereotype rather than a human being. However, that doesn't mean it, "-cores" and "aesthetics", is inherently bad at all. Do not hate the tool, hate the user.
@h.b2774
2 жыл бұрын
I've always thought those suffixes as redundant. A lot of the styles have been mashed together with OG movements---which isn't a problem because thats what fashion is---but the styles have become so watered down and lacking in character. It's sad. I hope more people realise they don't have to stick to an aesthetic
@tcrijwanachoudhury
2 жыл бұрын
@@BC-np8cb this!!! Its all just consumerism and like sheep people just eat it up.
@hannahebrown320
Жыл бұрын
I think it’s so complicated because on the one hand, women’s mental illnesses and suffering has been romanticized, sexualized, objectified, and aestheticized to hell and back by men since the beginning of time. But I also think that when women find a sense of inspiration in their suffering and choose for themselves to put it into art like lana del ray for example, it’s feels like a reclaiming of that pain. I say let women have their rage, let them have their suffering, let them decide how they want to portray it in their art, express it in their writing. Women have constantly had their narrative written for them by men, so when a woman decides to take control of it, it should be allowed to exist in any form. Even if it’s sad or romanticized or realistic or beautiful or ugly. Which I know is a hot take, but I feel like a woman’s perspective in the world of art and media is something we need more of regardless, simply because it’s been saturated by the male gaze for so long. There’s something ironic and empowering in Lana del ray-esque feminine art. To me it reads as a woman who is aware of the way her image and pain and art will be sexualized by men. She knows exactly how it will all happen, how it will all play out, the effect it will have. It’s meta and it’s a feminine perspective and in my opinion it has value because of that
@MS-ij8ud
Жыл бұрын
While I do agree with all of your points and I definitely learn more towards that perspective… I will point out… women have been criticized and called “hysterical” ( a word literally invented to degrade women) over NOTHING since the beginning of time. A woman is slightly angry? she’s a crazy b!tch. A woman cries? she’s overly emotional and irrational. I think the emotions of women have been blown out of proportion by men in an attempt to discredit them and infantilize them for SO long. Sure on the one hand, you can say that women are reclaiming that by calling themselves “toxic” or whatever, but on the other hand I also think it is more productive to acknowledge that there is nothing “crazy” about feeling depressed, feeling hurt, feeling whatever. I also think it is a dangerous path, as mentioned in the video, because it quickly glamorizes mental illness when we should be normalizing treatment, improvement and putting our energy towards loving ourself and other women. EDIT: I also do not like the idea that everything a woman does has to be “aesthetic” or “beautiful” which is exactly what these aesthetics attempt to push, it is the heart of them- desirability and image. Mental illness is not beautiful, I think we should allow women to be fully human and the only way to do that is to admit that there are many things that are ugly.
@captainpiggz6391
Жыл бұрын
Imagine having your entire life define by your hatred of men. Fucking relax
@ilikevines
Жыл бұрын
How do men romanticise female mental illness? I do not want women to suffer mental illness.
@whatismyadjectiveiconfused
Жыл бұрын
Um...no?
@miimamwez
Жыл бұрын
@@ilikevines I guess because of the stereotype that men like the crazy, exciting, thrilling women archetype (not all men though). That is normal hints to real mental disorders.
@sam_i_am4529
2 жыл бұрын
On the internet, all these “sad girls” are also pretty girls. Beautiful girls. It made me feel like my sadness and mental health issues weren’t valid because I was average and awkward-looking as a teen. Only the pretty girls could have problems. Pretty white girls.
@Tazadegatoproducciones
2 жыл бұрын
Same. I still feel this way and I hate it
@mariadeiana5703
2 жыл бұрын
People should give way less importance to beauty. Calling everyone beautiful in fear they'll think of themselves as ugly is so incredibly useless. People should be ok with being ugly. It shouldn't be a deal breaker.
@carlapplegate3553
2 жыл бұрын
That's crazy to me that anyone would think that. In my opinion I always saw the pretty girls complaining as just a bunch of overdramatic liars who aren't really depressed, and know they can also use that for attention in addition to their looks. Because everyone gives a shit when it's a pretty girl who is sad, especially the guys. Are you sure you are not confusing it with this feeling? I am surprised someone can feel their feelings aren't valid to THEMSELVES because they feel they are not "pretty". I can understand thinking only OTHERS care about your sadness when you are pretty. You cannot let these people on the internet shape your reality, it's just sad that you would invalidate your own feelings. You matter, put yourself first, who cares about these other people, create your own reality outside of this internet you will be much happier.
@eduardochavacano
2 жыл бұрын
in poor countries, lots of girls claim to be Depress because that means they own a laptop and has internet connection. It also means they may have been getting therapy which is more expensive the college education of girls from poor families.
@vengeful_souls6809
2 жыл бұрын
THIS COMMENT IS EVERYTHING LIKE 😭😭
@casper7319
2 жыл бұрын
My least favorite thing about this aesthetic is how they hold up girls like Lily Rose Depp, Zoe Kravitz, and Lily Collins as #thinspo #waifspo #body goals etc. When these women have been very vocal about their struggles with eating disorders. Every other post under the Lily Rose Depp tag is also tagged with #proana or #promia. I can't imagine suffering from and ED and then having the majority of your fan base encourage it.
@mindlessb1380108
2 жыл бұрын
This!!! I cant imagine how Celebs feel seeing their bodies used for ED inspiration
@fryingpandryingpan
2 жыл бұрын
Lily rose depp used to have an ED, I can't imagine the stress she goes through when she sees those things
@valleyofthedolls
2 жыл бұрын
what kind of "girlblogger" account have you been interacting 💀💀💀
@pabloescobarschanclas
2 жыл бұрын
@@valleyofthedolls the majority of them on tumblr…..
@transitdogsays6886
2 жыл бұрын
Lily Rose Depp, Zoe Kravitz, and Lily Collins are Nepo-babies. Perhaps there is a connection between having famous parents and having an eating disorder. Working class girls subconsciously glamorize a mental illness that is more common in high socioeconomic segments of society.
@sara-ng4mz
2 жыл бұрын
i think that what rubs me the wrong way about this is that young women cannot have interests without being categorised in some archetype. and it just doesn't make sense at all to me because even if my tumblr blog is just about reblogging mitski lyrics aesthetics that's just. not who i am as a person. my online presence is not a reflection of all i am, i specifically use tumblr to blog about my interests and share my thoughts about them and find more people with the same interests as me to connect with them. it's not "making it my whole personality" i just don't feel the need to share any more bits of myself on a place that's specifically dedicated to my hobbies and passions, i don't owe that to anyone especially not on the internet. doesn't mean that there's nothing else to my person
@lancewalker2595
2 жыл бұрын
Why you think that tendency is unique to women is beyond me.
@sara-ng4mz
2 жыл бұрын
@@lancewalker2595 well as a woman i can speak on the behalf of women's experiences only, and this video in particular was focused on young girls so it was what was topical. i never said it was a unique experience to women because as a woman i frankly have no clue if men have some equivalent experiences or not. it was not my intention to exclude men from the conversation at all i just didn't speak on their behalf in the context of this video about femininity but you're welcome to weigh in at any point
@lancewalker2595
2 жыл бұрын
@@sara-ng4mz My bad. I assumed you were as political, presumptuous and myopic as has become common these days. I'm sorry.
@mayalynch7901
2 жыл бұрын
i’m so glad to see someone talking about this. i hate how i’m expected to put myself in a box and be defined by what i wear, consume etc i just want to wear what i want and listen to what i want without being assigned an aesthetic lol
@msunje9862
2 жыл бұрын
@@lancewalker2595 another guy that wants to make every convo about males. What makes you think she can not talk about women only
@florencia1386
Жыл бұрын
Skins glamourised depression so much that I think it may have caused my clinical depression to emerge.
@KausarAli-em4jn
Жыл бұрын
Oh I can’t describe how badly I wanted to be effy started dressing like her to the whole makeup look and everything😭😭
@annajamal781
Жыл бұрын
samee i really regret watching it in like year 7
@rosegardenmadisonsquare
Жыл бұрын
yes. I watched it WAY too young and the way it romanticized mental illness was so harmful to my (and so many others’) tween years
@Hellakiddie
Жыл бұрын
Definitely made mine worse I watched it everyday for months especially the Cassie confused episodes
@dontevenstart
Жыл бұрын
yeah the sex in it was so overdone too when they’re just like high schoolers??
@aliaimam111
2 жыл бұрын
I'm not fully on board with the "femcelcore" ,"cool girl", "Lana del rey-lolita-reading-cottagecore-soft-girl" aesthetic, but I do also see the appeal in simply just complaining about things, fully conveying the constant grievances women deal with on a regular basis and finding a sense of community in relating to what we have to endure as women. Sometimes women can simply be flawed and want to express it openly! We're so quick to be told to "smile more", or to lose 10 pounds, or to get lip filler, and to also get every inch of your body waxed, or to have a "no-makeup-makeup-look". There's this clear stance placed on women in society that we need to attain a certain level of perfectionism or else we've failed in life. Sometimes I understand the comfort and joy that can come from simply bitching about shitty ex-boyfriends, or partaking in the same behaviors that make men "flawed", but are viewed as bitchy or selfish in women.
@ivy-gi9gg
2 жыл бұрын
!!!!
@ryanmonaghan436
2 жыл бұрын
agreed. i'm not really in the coquette lana del rey community, because i don't love the style or the romanticization of eating disorders, but i really understand the desire to categorize oneself as a 'crazy girl' or an 'angry girl'. women and teenage girls especially are criticized so much for being angry or unreasonable or anything that doesn't fit the male gaze, so it's a large comfort especially to neurodivergent (like me) and mentally ill girls to take pride in being angry, crazy, and anything that men don't want.
@naocreio1
2 жыл бұрын
exactly
@davelucas7997
2 жыл бұрын
This could be said for everyone in society
@sweetbunny6198
2 жыл бұрын
Imagine having a 5 years shorter life expectancy due to making up 93% of work place fatalities, 98% of deaths due to war, 76% of suicides and homicides, 55% of DV victims, 26% victims of r ape and SA at the hands of a woman accompanied by no social aid or legal due process, getting 10-63% more prison time and having a higher incarceration rate to begin with for the same crimes, 79% of homelessness, significantly less illness funding, 40% less chances to be adopted and so on
@randomuser3442
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like the obsession with LOOKING AS IF you like certain things and not ACTUALLY liking them is like Oscar Wilde’s aesthetic theory on cocaine, oversimplified and exaggerated.
@ariellashulman9669
2 жыл бұрын
I have to laugh this is so spot on
@playagamelp2441
2 жыл бұрын
Can you explain?
@clairewillow6475
2 жыл бұрын
Do you mean opium in Dorian Grey
@imageez
2 жыл бұрын
While we are on the subject, can you guys tell me outside the Western perspective, why Oscar Wilde is considered influential? It seems like he and his gang are just middle class British blokes who like to dress up.
@u-saw-nothing-i-was-never-here
2 жыл бұрын
@@imageez Oscar Wilde was Irish, not British. I don’t know a lot about his works though so I can’t comment on them
@Alyboba
2 жыл бұрын
I’ll admit, I was definitely a Fleabag era, red scare, cool girl monologue loving, toxic femininity embracing, girl interrupted syndrome type of girl……and then I got on antidepressants. Now I’m not really into that sort of thing anymore. Make of that what you will.
@SieMiezekatze
2 жыл бұрын
Can you please explain what did that era meant to you? (I am not really into social media, so I can't grasp most of the references used on the video, or your comment)
@Callathetreecko
2 жыл бұрын
What red scare are we talking about exactly? Because all that pops into my head, and all that pops up on google, is cold war propaganda. How does this tie in with an ED?
@Alyboba
2 жыл бұрын
@@Callathetreecko Red Scare is a podcast hosted by two girls who definitely emulate the aesthetics of the girls Mina talks about in this video.
@Alyboba
2 жыл бұрын
@@SieMiezekatze For a long time, I was not in a good place and toxic/troubled characters like Fleabag really spoke to me and made me feel *seen*. It was also probably a bit of a coping mechanism. Very hard to put into words honestly!
@tifKh
2 жыл бұрын
@@Alyboba one day you’re going to look back and cringe at how obvious you are. How hard you’re trying. It’s not cool.
@verushka13
Жыл бұрын
for me, i love lana, marina, taylor, mitski, coquette, pinterest, stuff like that. i’ve always been disgusted by toxic whisper girls who bring a bad name to coquette. it’s too bad how such a beautiful style is seen so horribly
@0tocci029
9 ай бұрын
Right? I like all those things and so much more but it’s awful when the wrong people give something a wrong view to others. People really just need to discover the good side of things but also take the bad into account. Distinguish the both if they can
@rmh6119
2 жыл бұрын
i literally witnessed this aesthetic grow. from 2019 to now. what KILLS me is that it started out as a joke made by women in their late 20s on tumblr. it was actually hilarious at first the whole gatekeep girlboss girlblog whatever. then people started actually taking it seriously and it got ruined. why can’t the internet let anything be lighthearted.
@ebmage8793
2 жыл бұрын
Thats exactly what happened to the term 'woke'. It originally started as a joke in real life and on Black Twitter about militant afrocentrists. Now, its this horrible thing weaponized against actual common decency and empathy. The internet ruins everything.
@aviatress5643
2 жыл бұрын
@@ebmage8793 It started out as a joke? wow, i thought it was a sincere term to describe someone who was socially aware (because that’s the context i’ve always seen it in). didn’t know it was rooted in sarcasm but looking back, it was obvious cus of all the broke woke bespoke jokes. anyhow, it’s weird to see that word became b*stardized. the internet really does screw things up
@madisoncontroversial7348
2 жыл бұрын
@@aviatress5643 I mean look at the flat earth theory joke . I know people now who actually believe it now 😂
@morganburt2565
2 жыл бұрын
i think kids/teens found it, too young and sad to see it’s a joke. it’s a shame, those girls deserve help and real love
@Bri-ns5rm
2 жыл бұрын
@@aviatress5643 Black people have been using it since the 1920s. It was used in the 70s and 90s. It even being used as a joke was it being bastardized, but at least was an inside joke between Black people and not used by goofy racists trying to prove a point.
@mariamimi11297
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like we will never get rid of the problem that women can't enjoy ANYTHING without getting judged for it. "Oh you like this music? You're a manipulative pos" "Oh you like gaming? You're a pick me!" "Oh you like make-up? You're so shallow!", etc. etc. Can we please just enjoy stuff without getting labelled?!
@pr7903
2 жыл бұрын
this.
@heylol1149
2 жыл бұрын
this. i like lana del rey and some of the described fashion styles. why can't teenage girls just enjoy things?? 🙁
@MobTheGlitch
2 жыл бұрын
It's not about individual interests. I understand this might have given you minor pause and a moment of "am I like this??". It's like filling in one of those psychiatrists questionnaires. In order to be sufficiently labeled with a mental ilness/disorder, you need to score an X amount of points so to say. If your only trait is that you like having your room very orderly, but none of the other markers, you're not on the spectrum for example. There's also nothing wrong with liking cars and beer, but it just so happens that men known to be typically sexist, oftentimes like these things too.
@zorlockts5744
2 жыл бұрын
Y’all be judging each-other other the most over using terms such as “pick me” , judging each-other based on y’all body types (where skinny / conventionally attractive women get shamed because of y’all own inner jealously link : kzitem.info/news/bejne/xY-JsKeKqGSAn20) , aesthetics , fashion etc . And then y’all deflect on taking any resemblance of accountability of y’all hating on other women by again over using a term this time being “internalized misogyny” instead of just acknowledging that y’all were in the wrong , so the main problem is really within you girl’s own circles where commentary videos mocking certain tropes / aesthetics are always available .
@lexirodriguez8112
2 жыл бұрын
the thing is at some point we as girls have to hold each other accountable for creating these aesthetics or categories to put ourselves into you get me like at this point it’s comes to just women creating new or diff categories to feel special which is sad because we don’t need to be put in boxes like you stated we should simply just be able to enjoy shit without it feeling like a never ending cycle of just being put into boxes
@lav1088
2 жыл бұрын
As someone who's read these "femcelcore" books and enjoys listening to the same music I actually found the aesthetic fun at first. It was clearly ironic. Then it devolved into something despicable. Ive seen a lot of pro-ana posts on these accounts. I've also seen (what I can only describe as) soft neo-nazism. Statements like "pale skin is so angelic" and "my Scandinavian features are so dainty and underrated" are ridiculously common. Just made me feel icky and I had to block all these girlbloggers. Thankfully I've seen a couple of accounts try to be actively inclusive and feature bodies that aren't white or rail thin
@qsm2978
2 жыл бұрын
wish she touched on this more in the video, the “coquette” aesthetic breeds white nationalism and eating disorders.
@lexp6099
2 жыл бұрын
ding ding ding. Maybe it started organically (we've got an issue as a culture glamorizing the tortured genius and "not like other girls" is nothing new) but now it's just another online trend escorting people to the alt-right pipeline.
@espeon871
2 жыл бұрын
@@qsm2978 yep
@kirbysthiccthighs
2 жыл бұрын
NO FR!!! the amount of “pale sick pure white skin like an angel” shit i’ve seen is disgusting
@kirbysthiccthighs
2 жыл бұрын
@@qsm2978 i wouldn’t say ednos per-say,, but yeah, def leads towards ed’s of all sorts. i struggle with one and can def say the amount of this kinda shit i’ve seen because of the “coquette aesthetic” is actually repulsive
@rosyrose2112
2 ай бұрын
"the young-girl is never simply sad, she is also sad that she's sad."
@feedmeastraycat8247
2 жыл бұрын
can women like things without being categorized and forced into labels for once?
@sweetbunny6198
2 жыл бұрын
Well men can't so women shouldn't either
@nour4828
2 жыл бұрын
@@sweetbunny6198 they can and they're doing it all the time😂😂
@marimar.ramirez
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly
@NimrodTheMaidenless
2 жыл бұрын
@rene baebae yeah words like geeks, nerds, jocks, weebs, etc don't mean anything and don't have any repercutions for men at all 👀
@rinasawayama3271
2 жыл бұрын
@@NimrodTheMaidenless they... really don't have any tangible repercussions for most men
@kali_uchis7635
2 жыл бұрын
I saw this girl on tiktok who said that she felt "mass produced" and I've never related to something so much. I feel like I can't just put on low rise jeans or a workout set without having think about how people will perceive me and what box they're going to put me in. like If I wear my hair slicked back and with gold hoops everyone is going to judge my whole being because they think I'm into the aesthetic of "clean girl". I just want to live my life and not be considered "a red flag" for what I'm wearing.
@sophia1073
2 жыл бұрын
i feel the same way. the best thing we can do is stop caring about how others perceive us, but the fact that this happens mainly towards women is really sad
@Chloe2000mm
2 жыл бұрын
I don't think people are paying as much attention to the details of your wardrobe as you fear they are. Thinking this way is probably the result of spending too much time online.
@tylerdur7den
2 жыл бұрын
used to think like that but honestly outside no one cares
@jackyyrag
2 жыл бұрын
What's clean girl aesthetic 😵💫
@labellelace
2 жыл бұрын
I just wear whatever makes me happy, and it changes wildly day to day. My sister has described my style as sexy grandma grunge lol. But I just don’t bother to care what other people think anymore, because you will never be able to please everybody, but you can do what makes you happy. Personally, clothes are one of the things that bring me joy, so making or thrifting a new piece, or wearing an especially cute outfit always boosts my mood, no matter the depression I’m in. In essence, put yourself first, be selfish, fuck everyone else
@MotherGapshin12
2 жыл бұрын
I think we as a society should just strive for self-neutrality, can't we have like neutral femininity where you don't have to be a boss-babe 24/7 or try to be a "one of the boys" all the time...why can't women just exist without being praised or degraded.
@Jaaaannnneeee
2 жыл бұрын
Right?? Like I just want to exist. At the end of the day even the femcel aesthetic centres around men and their opinions of us and how we look. It’s exhausting
@ebmage8793
2 жыл бұрын
You cant sell poorly made clothes and cosmetics that way. It all comes back to capitalism
@bruh-ch3hb
2 жыл бұрын
same. i'm just trying not to kms and exist and work
@beckahcruz7463
2 жыл бұрын
YES! We don't need to be broken down and therefore easily digestible to the masses.
@Belle-fk7lp
2 жыл бұрын
i recommend watching oliSUNvia's video on body neutrality. it brings up interesting points about body neutrality, as well as valid criticisms about it from POCs :)
@AlexHider
Жыл бұрын
Girl this, girl that. Oh my god, can I just be alive and online? Is that okay? Is that cool enough?
@katrinehansen6038
2 жыл бұрын
Jane Eyre is a literary heroine, not a sad girl. She ran when she was disrespected, she didn’t take a cigarette and a selfie where she is crying in black and white photo, with a black bar over her eyes, that has a text that says “i trusted you” or some shit like that. I respect her.
@katrinehansen6038
2 жыл бұрын
@acadehmic Exactly😂
@LOVEBABY138
2 жыл бұрын
So accurate. This jane girl, was from everything she had to go trough, grown into an secured, fierced and tough female.
@northstar2621
2 жыл бұрын
Then she returned to be with the man who lied to her, tried to make her a second wife etc. I still love the story, but I see it in a completely different light since I met a man myself who turned out to have a wife already and tried to make me another one. I can't imagine getting back together with him - even if his wife died and he showed signs of taking a 180 degree turn. Nah. Also, Jane is eighteen, or nineteen when the story progresses. People say she's mature because of her past experiences. Well, yeah, many trauma victims act "too" mature for their age. It's a thing. Sorry, I'm "that person" now. I can still love the story if I don't pay close attention to details and forget Mr. Rochester already has a wife. I'll be damned if he still doesn't - in some ways, definitely not all - represent my ideal for a man.
@LOVEBABY138
2 жыл бұрын
@@northstar2621 But the wife, they tricked him to marry a disabled woman so they can get rid of her. He was in love with the beauty but didn't know she was disabled, thats why he married her and after discovering kept her away.
@katrinehansen6038
2 жыл бұрын
@@northstar2621 No i can definitely see why you feel that way - i however don’t see Mr. Rochester at evil or with evil intention - he is just mostly a little dumb honestly, but i respect that she is able to both stand up for herself and leave, and then forgive a dumb and thoughtless action, because she can feel it in her heart that he is the one, and i think that is her being very honest with her self, and i can admire that.
@Vic-dd2ri
2 жыл бұрын
I think so many of these problems could be solved if we put our phones down
@keylanoslokj1806
2 жыл бұрын
Best comment on this comment section. That's the root of most modern problems
@x0re89
2 жыл бұрын
this exactly.
@ye6023
2 жыл бұрын
@천사 yeah but there’s absolutely no disagreeing with the fact social media has blown these issues up to a almost comical level
@nataliaalfonso2662
2 жыл бұрын
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💯💯💯💯💯
@Sara-zr6wb
2 жыл бұрын
None of these non-real problems would be a thing if we never sat around over analyzing things and just lived our lives.
@quotationmarksedits
2 жыл бұрын
"feel embarrassed or sorry for inconveniencing the people they find attractive" good lord, I relate to that way too much
@puja_228
2 жыл бұрын
Nobody does that, weirdo
@mcchilde2903
2 жыл бұрын
@@puja_228 there are people who feel shame about stuff like this
@joelle4226
2 жыл бұрын
I feel embarrassed for inconveniencing people but really it was just feeling like I wasn't worthy of existing. I'm trying not to be like that anymore
@winter9741
2 жыл бұрын
whqt does that mean ?
@xMisaNyan
2 жыл бұрын
@@puja_228 just because you personally cant relate to sth it doesnt mean noone else can, weirdo
@RiriBoo-b2b
11 ай бұрын
I believe this kind of trends are just making it harder for teenagers and people in general to find their true self and personality
@erandre626
2 жыл бұрын
There’s definitely a twisted irony in rejecting the “that girl” aesthetic only to turn around and embody a different hyper femininity. I think in a way it nullifies argument that femcel-core is rejecting modern expectations of womanhood/femininity, because the aesthetic is still informed by the male gaze.
@MobTheGlitch
2 жыл бұрын
If anything they sort of agressively crawled to the extreme of toxic femininity.
@lucypage3912
2 жыл бұрын
exactly!
@sunmi2539
2 жыл бұрын
Yes
@punkbjork
2 жыл бұрын
femininity is a cage. i hope girls everywhere soon realize that "masculinity" and "femininity" are patriarchal inventions used to keep women subservient, domesticated, submissive, docile, etc and break out of the chains of patriarchy and gender roles.
@miss_chelles1338
2 жыл бұрын
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@horace6851
2 жыл бұрын
"Fleabag" is a masterpiece about grief and it sucks so much that it became just another internet trend for people who need outsiders to tell them who they are.
@maggiedk
2 жыл бұрын
Also, it feels similar to men who idolize characters like Walter White, Rick from Rick & Morty, Patrick Bateman, etc, ignoring that the whole point of the story is that these characters are incredibly flawed and not people you should try to emulate.
@amy1031
5 ай бұрын
@@maggiedk LITERALLY
@nbv6975
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like I can really empathize with the “femcels” and “sad girls.” Romanticizing your mental illness always seems very appealing when it feels like you can’t get out of it. It’s like if you’re trapped in a prison cell, and you think you have a life sentence, why wouldn’t you want to put up decorations and make it pretty and comfortable? You’re stuck there. I also think that has to do with a lot of them being teenagers. Being a teenager can feel extremely suffocating, it can feel like you’ll truly never get out of it, especially since you don’t always have the freedom to choose to change your situation. So I think they often get too harsh a judgment. While I don’t think the aesthetic romanticization of sadness is good or anything like that, I think the trend inherently comes from a feeling of hopelessness and isolation, not of not understanding how bad mental illness is. It’s a very sad place to be, and I hope anyone in it is able to get out.
@erenkasa7882
2 жыл бұрын
Do u sympathise with incels too ? They have their own reasons and suffering too .
@nbv6975
2 жыл бұрын
@@erenkasa7882 I can recognize they have their reasons (some of which are valid and should be addressed, some not so much), but I don’t sympathize with them the same way. Incels are often far more vitriolic, dangerous, bigoted, and potentially drastically violent than femcels. It’s a hate movement, whereas femcels are more of an internally destructive aesthetic and not so much an outwardly dangerous one. It’s a leap of logic to think sympathizing with one means sympathizing with the other.
@erenkasa7882
2 жыл бұрын
@@nbv6975 then what should we call the females with an outwardly destructive attitude ? Cause a lot of people talk about incels but I have seen far more women with that mindest then men .
@kapilakhare2936
2 жыл бұрын
@@erenkasa7882 you are trying so hard to turn this conversatio into something it isn't. get a life, it's clear you're not asking these questions because you genuinely care how people answer- you're pushing an agenda
@pinksunset3668
2 жыл бұрын
Let's not forget the constant ableism in society. Lack of community as well. I'm really disappointed that the creator thinks seeking help is end all to mental illness or mental health issues. Seeking help is a privilege in my country and there is still a lot of prejudice in the society. How are people supposed to be feel less isolated when most societies are telling you you're being yourself wrong?
@lolalala982
Жыл бұрын
I’m so tired of women having to label ourselves under different types and boxes.
@Samanthaforestttt
Жыл бұрын
Literally. Like do we have to label every ‘style’ and people on tiktok just go around saying things like “the difference between this and that is not that difficult” and then it will be the exact sam thing 😭
@cindyneetocheeto3954
6 ай бұрын
We don’t have to! 💪🏻
@livmacmillan415
2 жыл бұрын
god this trend is so infuriating to me. there comes a point where they genuinely judge people for being happy, sober, and refusing to perform an identity that is not who they are. it’s pathetic to believe you are superior to other women when all you do is replicate and regurgitate each other.
@katfujioka212
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly!! It's just yet another thing that contributes to toxicity and women turning away from one another, rather than creating a safe, secure and welcoming community :( These people call themselves feminists, yet they insult and ridicule women who don't conform to a specific framework. It's so frustrating!!
@sunmi2539
2 жыл бұрын
!!
@xDidonax
2 жыл бұрын
@@katfujioka212 but it's the outcome of a patriarchal system. Let's not forget that !
@lavender4322
2 жыл бұрын
I think a lot of them are very sad/depressed about the fact that men tend to lean more towards stable/bubbly women, so this jealousy comes off as harsh judgment.
@AelitaUndomiel
2 жыл бұрын
let’s not generalize girlbloggers, there are plenty of them who are open-minded and supportive
@reihino6347
2 жыл бұрын
One thing i just find interesting is that being an incel means that a man would need to be violently misogynistic and many of them believe in women being nothing but property whereas to be a “femcel” all you need to do is listen to lana del rey or marina (at least in some people’s eyes). It’s definitely a word people should be careful to give a whole aesthetic to imo. Also great video as always, you never miss
@emilyroseellis
2 жыл бұрын
Convenient downtoning of the word incel. It took SO long for women to be able to put a name and a "face" to the incel culture for SAFETY purposes.. and as soon as out culture got comfortable calling it out for what it is, the name gets neutralized.
@TheLily97232
2 жыл бұрын
It's more than that if you listened to the video ; but yeah, the place of women as people who should be submissive and apologize for their existence makes "femcels" less violent. Because they do not feel like they deserve love, contrary to those dipsh\t incels 🙃
@randombrokeperson
2 жыл бұрын
There’s a quote about how men typically tend to explode while women implode - instead of blaming or taking things out on themselves (which I’m not advocating) a lot of guys like male incels tend to make their woes other people’s problems, blame others (usually women, POC, LGBTs, any group they view as less than in the case of [White] radicalized incels), and become violent/abusive offline at the truly worst form, whereas femcels (from my experience) will do like you said and try to delve into self improvement (which may be self destructive), become obsessed with aesthetics, and stuff. There are also Femcels who also hate women, but I have yet to hear about them going on killing sprees. You don’t really hear about femcels becoming radicalized, either as much or at all, and becoming violent with other women but most especially men they covet. I can’t find the specific quote or anything right now, but it was an interesting one and definitely points to yet another defect in our society (how we usually raise boys to be entitled and lack introspection and girls to be pretty acquiescing or accommodating.) 8/9/22 ☀️ 1047
@drnkndmn
2 жыл бұрын
exactly. femcel core more likely lashing out because of the society AND negative experiences with men and letting go of trying to keep it together core
@babyfaceweeb8937
2 жыл бұрын
The term incel was created by a woman and she used it to describe herself because she had trouble forming genuine romantic relationships and it was used as kind support group for everyone, then it was take over by men and turned toxic.
@sloaney_baloney
5 ай бұрын
I hate how mental illness is so romanticized and easily joked about. It shouldn't be uncool to want to be happy and find help. Also society should stop treating bodies like fast fashion like wtf. Greatvideo essay thank you
@daniel_is_messy
2 жыл бұрын
As someone who has suffered from severe depression, i can say there is nothing glamorous about not showering for weeks and eating just cheese cause making food is too unbearable. Wanting to die is not an aesthetic but a sign that help is needed.
@berni1011
2 жыл бұрын
The thing that most people that haven't had depression don't get is just how boring depression actuelly is, it's like a really long uneventful day ; you don't even remember what you had for breakfast, your work feels like a chore, your mind too focused on nothing in particular for days and months. Before too long you become complacent to this new normal and now all tasks are slow and tedious. Showering takes immense mental fortitude, it's the shitties slowest day but all days you loosely remember are that, slow, shitty, uneventful, forgetable.
@8LyJu8
2 жыл бұрын
@@berni1011 as someone with both severe depression and an autoimmune illness (depression first, BTW) I find them comparable: both attack something, and it is painful until I normalize it, and when I adapt to a new normal it attacks something else. Depression attacks everything external through my mind, the AI my body. Both function to take piece by piece of my life until I die, but in a slow way down where there is nothing "eventful"
@OzmaOfOzz
2 жыл бұрын
Can't agree more with this comment.. I have an autoimmune disease causing me depression, I'm very aware of it and it's not different from "regular" depression.. I do my best to shower though.. eat (I order in, or don't eat for days, then binge on sweets or salty junk food), cry a lot, self isolate.. How the hell is this glamorous in any way.. I wonder what people are thinking. Hold on y'all, we re strong and we can get through this. 🥺❤
@Maracujakeks
2 жыл бұрын
Fleabag was never meant to be a "role model" of any sorts. She's the epiphany of the chaos and mess we all carry inside of us, hence the name. Being "cool" and shutting herself off from others could have been her ruin. However, the ending indicated that Fleabag developed as a character. Whoever puts the series at the same level with sad Tumblr girl posts needs a serious brain wash...
@hotasurban
2 жыл бұрын
Seriously. God this is kind of a piss off tbh.
@beetljam792
2 жыл бұрын
i hate how internet aesthetics like these and dark academia make liking literature and art that you should like because it's meaningful and interesting to you into a stupid style. why does everything have to be "-core", why can't you just serously like and appreciate things. people into these aesthetics often think they're so self-aware of their over-online-ness but if you forget to enjoy your life for the genuine emotions and experiences you have and focus most of your energy on having a pretty feed, does it really matter how self-aware you are? if my immortal was right about anything, it was fuck posers.
@dia.96
2 жыл бұрын
I like the cores because it makes it easier to find clothing inspo in the styles I want haha. But yeah some people over do it.
@toxoplasmagondi
2 жыл бұрын
that last sentence>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
@threatofjoy
2 жыл бұрын
Yes @ all of these terms being coined, like instead of just actually engaging with the material or liking shit without categorizing it, people just want to go for the 'look' of it it's so grating. Stop looking for the idea of how something looks and just enjoy it for what it is.
@AW-xc1xc
2 жыл бұрын
I was going to write something to agree with what you said, but then I read the last line ✨impeccable✨
@beetljam792
2 жыл бұрын
@@dia.96 ah, i do understand this as well. labels are helpful for finding more of what you like and defining it like genres in music or fiction.
@marthac8529
11 ай бұрын
Everytime I deep dive into topics like this I am reaffirmed in my belief that social media is not worth the trouble
@sweetchocolatesecret
2 жыл бұрын
Do you know what? I feel no need to adhere to the skinny trend coming down the pipeline. And I won't. I'm a curvy Black woman with broad shoulders and an ass. I'm not going to fit in and I think that's okay. The mainstream culture isn't made for me and that's okay.
@TheWeen344
2 жыл бұрын
Respect it, be yourself no matter what
@brittneybrisbin744
2 жыл бұрын
That's a great way of thinking; it's honestly really sad to see women's actual bodies and body types treated as "trends" or "aesthetics".
@jadam4036
Жыл бұрын
I wholeheartedly agree. I’m a curvy bw, my waist to hip/ass ratio is insane lmao. Ive finally given up on my calorie deficit, the goals of being super thin. I’m never gonna fit in the tall thin petite box anyway so why try lmaoo
@squirmtastic
Жыл бұрын
I'm skinny and I have been my whole life, just genetics is what it is, and with the curvy > skinny toxic thing that has come over people (I'm not talking about body positivity - that's great) I've never felt attractive or to anyone's standards, including other women. By the time I was in middle and high school, this was the major trend and guys never found me attractive and other girls ragged on my appearance. Crazy how we just go around and around with this stuff, one day curvy girls are treated badly and the next it's someone else. Just awful.
@lunareclipse-
Жыл бұрын
Ok bitch nobody tells you to fit into it.
@retiredwinxfairy9976
2 жыл бұрын
"Femcel" and "toxic femininity" are terms that were popularized and are being widely used by the MRA crowd as a response to feminist terms ("incel" and "toxic masculinity"). Men's rights activists not only considered the existence of the term "toxic masculinity" and lack of its female form a case of a double standard, but also thought that the existence of the term itself was an abusive feminist rhetoric aimed to oppress men. It would oftenly be used against feminists and as a comeback argument against media using the term "toxic masculinity" (f.e. "This male celebrity beating up women is toxic masculinity - then this female celebrity abusing a man is toxic femininity"). Before watching this video, I haven't suspected that "femcel" could be an aesthetic. For me it was just another term MRAs used to bitch about feminism.
@augustaseptemberova5664
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks .. I was looking for a comment that sets this straight.
@alice45-fgd-456drt
2 жыл бұрын
Very important addition, thank you!!
@Aaron-fb6mb
2 жыл бұрын
I think this whole trend/ aesthetic fits the word "man-eater" or female manipulator more than "femcel" but idrk about all this stuff that much it's just interesting hearing her talk about styles
@ambre8472
2 жыл бұрын
thank you for this !!! much needed, masculinists words spreads everywhere
@Flatcetera
2 жыл бұрын
It’s interesting how we as women will internalize man-made rhetoric and put our own spin on it.
@virys.m.
2 жыл бұрын
What I've learned is that girls can't be girls without being labled and that sucks. And most of these labels pin women against each other... Also as a women of color, if I don't put effort in everything I do I'm lazy. If I have a breakdown due to stress... just another crazy toxic latina. It's not cute or aesthetic. And the aesthic associated as being a "toxica" (toxic female in the latin community) is very degrading to me personally and not empowering.
@3seren
2 жыл бұрын
It's sad cause it's not even only about color, whenever I do these things (not putting effort, breakdown) etc, just because I'm GREEK and my country is considered lazy and all the bad things European countries in power think of us, then everyone is also targeted. I know in America everyone is critised regarding their color but in Europe you're critised cause of your country origin
@desertmoonlee6631
2 жыл бұрын
That’s why you should stop using also the word women of color. It doesn’t sound good. Everyone has color just some darker and some lighter. Some use those terms to attack others or play victims it’s also labelling each others.
@subulali4950
2 жыл бұрын
Feel so bad u gotta read these victim ass yt ppls replies😭
@Willowtree82
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah but we do the same thing to men all the time. Around the metoo Era we saw a lot of women can't lie, believe all women shyte and I know for a fact as a women that women lie and do manipulate and the hell hath no fury like a women scorned is a real thing. I always thought that was wrong, no you don't believe all women automatically over a man because she is a women. You produce the evidence and facts and go from there. So ma many women literally lied to get attention during that time, money, more fame and some were already activists. Literally the real victims came out in the beginning which in Hollywood including men and children but suddenly a bunch of manipulators and attention seekers decided to capitalize on it
@amorelockster1023
2 жыл бұрын
I thought toxica means girlfriend and toxico means boyfriend in Spanish
@zipties8442
2 жыл бұрын
As a lifetime Marina fan, it is also telling that most people when they mention Marina, they are mentioning the Electra Heart album. The album where Marina stated was a) her least favorite album and b) the only album she didn’t produce. Each album has a completely different aesthetic, and Electra Heart was a persona of consumerism, Americana and depression. And is the outlier of her work. It was produced by Doctor Luke and doesn’t match the tone of the rest of her work. Four years later she made Froot. It is a disco album about artistic growth and inspiration. The blonde wig is gone, and the pink aesthetic is replaced with rainbows. It’s a celebration of life. The albums sound nothing alike. This is not shitting on those who only like the Electra Heart album. This is to point out that when each album is so wildly tone different. Rolling Stones made a whole bunch of country songs but at the end of the day are considered a classic rock band. (Honky Tonk, Roses on your grave etc.) Nothing wrong, nothing bad. Just interesting. I love Marina. I like all her albums equally. I like Electra Heart, but Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land is a techno acid-trip ballads of your impact in the spiritual sense of community. Froot has a disco ballad of self-love and art. A lot of her music is no longer this aesthetic.
@catsrus1409
2 жыл бұрын
I’m also a fan of Marina too and I remember her annoying fans getting so pissed off when she released love + fear. They kept saying “this is so bad” “we want Electra heart back” “this new sound is so boring” “why is she making happy music we want sad girl music again” they don’t realise that Marina has changed since tfj and Electra heart. She’s growing as a person and wants to move on from that identity her fans boxed her into. Yes the family jewels and Electra heart where both amazing albums but they need to move on and except marina has changed. People change and that’s not always a bad thing.
@isalovi1771
2 жыл бұрын
As a fellow Marina fan (for ten years now, wow time flies by...) it's been so interesting to see what she and her music has been associated with through the years. Her blowing up again through Tiktok has also been so cool and well deserved, and I think it's quite natural that Electra Heart (and maybe TFJ? I'm not on Tiktok so I'm not sure) is the album that has gained traction. It's so so conceptually strong, its selling points are the same as in 2012. The sound of it is now reminiscent of the past, but in a way that can be made "trendy" and be nostalgic. There's also a new wave of young fans who weren't around for its release that is now experiencing her work for the first time, so their reaction to it will of course be different than us long time fans- and that's okay! But it does get frustrating when her music gets boiled down to a surface-level observation of it, lacking nuance and critical thinking skills of what the album is actually talking about and the context it's placed in. Because every Marina album is so different, it would be unreasonable to expect people to love them all, or demand new fans to check out and find interest in everything. But I hope those fans would show the same kind of understanding back towards Marina as a person and artist, not just a "trend" or "aesthetic"- and I hope that hasn't been an issue as of recent.
@kaylasworldddd8141
2 жыл бұрын
And the crazy thing is I never thought that the Electra heart album seemed like ‘sad girl’ music I would listen to those songs when I was relaxed and happy
@zipties8442
2 жыл бұрын
@Trinity M forgive me, that was never my intention to gate keep or bash the women who like the album. As I stated, I love Electra Heart. I just sometimes get sad when an artist’s work is boiled down to one significant piece. A piece they personally hate. Even then, these statements were based when she was making Love and Fear when people were telling her to make a second Electra Heart and she somewhat stated firmly she had no intentions. Some production horror stories were told and wanted to move forward. But this Before people appreciated her work on TikTok and the new release of Electra Platinum. So for all I know, her position has softened over the years since the album has connected to so many people. There is no hatred or gate keeping of the work or why people connect to it. Electra Heart is an amazing album. I’m happy people are finding her. Just hope that those girls know there is so much more out there by the same artist begging them to be happy.
@j.j.ranvier8256
2 жыл бұрын
Ooooo I had no idea Froot was disco and I now must go listen to it immediately
@MyPokergirl
2 жыл бұрын
Being a girl who’s never been in a relationship and attributing it to the way I look even tho I’ve seen girls around me who resemble me in a lot ways get into multiple relationships I think I fit this trope. I think when the logical explanations to “what is wrong with me” don’t answer the question you then start thinking there has to be something fundamentally wrong with you to keep others away from you. I think it’s hard to understand if your not on this side of the fence. I think this aesthetic was created as a coping mechanism for women like me to imagine that somewhere in our own fiction we matter and we have the upper hand. It’s a form of escapism.
@Shade-Spark
2 жыл бұрын
Did you consider autism, or autism+ADHD mix-up? "I'm like everyone else but for some reason nothing works for me like for them and turns out I'm actually not like them but I don't know why and what" is typical autism. Autism is underdiagnosed in adults, expecially in women who express it very differently then men, mixed up with more social masking and female-specific traumas and conjnditions like eating disorders; and ADHD works as a counter to the autistic centralization, so it puts you even further than the cliché of the little genius virgin nerd with hyper strict routines that's always alone in the playground, and it adds to this dysphoric sensation of "being like them, but actually not and I don't know why". Oldschool 2014 - 2018 femcels were female versions of incels with undiagnosed autism, closer to the male cliché, they went radfem, misandrist and separatists instead of fascist, and mgtow and even had their own equivalents of 4chan. Now in their twenties or early thirties for millenials, with the cringelord-teen-phase beyond, during the Trump era, there can still be a link between these "old" femcels and this femcelcore and toxic femininity stuff just as being a bit more mature and girly but expressing the same fundamental social and relational inadequacies from neurodivergence, and some unchecked queerness?
@canalretornodesaturno0594
2 жыл бұрын
I'm 28 now, but in my teen years I related to this a lot. Tumblr were my only scape, the only place where I could see other girls like me. I really identified with what you mentioned about seeing girls like me having relacionships and I'm not. Was like that The Smiths lyric ''And people who are uglier than you and I,They take what they need, and just leave,Oh, but don't mention love,I'd hate the pain of the strain all over again''. But with the years passing, the adulthood obligations made me stay away from tumblr and other social media comunities and it was like a detox to me. Now at 28 i'm in my first relationship. But sometimes I still look on the ''sad girl '' posts just for the nostalgia. But is different today cause even I'm still identifie with somethings, I feel old for everything, imagine an almost 30 years old woman with this aesthetic.But I still think is a part of me, even my life is different now in some aspects, I still relate a lot, I still listen to Lana del Rey and Lolita are my favorite book. In the end, was not ''a phase'' but aging did me very good. Being more in the real world than in the virtual one, made me see that this was not the only world I could live in, but at the time, it was an important refuge for me, but aging made me see the bad part of being stuck in it. Sorry for my english, it's not my native language. I just wanted to share my story because I identified with you. Reading your words saw exactly what I felt when I was young. Kisses girl, I wish you the best 😊
@ancalyme
2 жыл бұрын
I've hung around femcel communities a bit, since they were the only places discussing lookism and pretty privilege at one time. Mostly those women are very aware of their flaws, not just the physical ones, and they're very realistic about it all. One thing that got brought up sometimes that it's okay to have a shitty personality if you're hot, and having a perfect personality can sometimes compensate for lack of hotness, but if you're both ugly and not a great person it's RIP for you in terms of chances at a relationship. Edit: Not the type of communities this video is about, apparently, now that I watched more of it.
@kcarter0265
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve never been around this kind of community, but I’ve dug in and researched incels. The average ones (not extreme thinkers) sound a lot like you here. A community and such that forms an escapism from their harsh introspective.
@canalretornodesaturno0594
2 жыл бұрын
I Still think of How Crazy is that Men accept and even praise the most horrible personalities If It comes from a hot woman. And also they find "boring" a woman who treats then kindly and don't always cause drama. But I've seen a Lot of women that not have perfect or even average looks, have a Very arrogant personality and Still have a Lot of Men at their foot, or Just one Man that do everything she order him to do. I think this is one of the Things this femcels can't deal with. I'm not saying that is right to get angry at this, I'm Just saying that maybe It is one of the Things that made this community grow. But it's also Very dangerous to keep thinking about this, cause this girls can turn into extremists Just like happened with the boys/Men in the incel community
@MELLMAO
2 жыл бұрын
I think it's popular because it allows young women to feel unhappy. It says it's ok to not be ok, it's ok not to smile all the time, it's ok to feel sad and angry and frustrated without feeling like you are a social pariah. Also, it says that it's ok to take care of your looks, be hyper-feminine and somewhat "vain" without feeling shame about it and feeling like you should be "above it all". I was a teen during 2014 tumblr and I'm in my early twenties for this era. There is something so comforting in allowing yourself to acknowledge bad parts of your personality and reclaiming bad days without feeling shame and like a failure
@alice45-fgd-456drt
2 жыл бұрын
This is a very good point, I hadn't really thought about this because the music scene was somewhat different when I was a teenager (I'm 30+) so I mostly listened to rock bands and what would probably be classed as "emo punk" or something, most of them being bands mostly/entirely consisting of guys. The girls who made that kind of music were often quite boyish, wearing stereotypically guy's clothes and such because obviously girly stuff is bad and not cool enough, or whatever. I think there's something very positive in women reclaiming typically female things, interests, fashion etc and owning it.
@razvanradoiu
2 жыл бұрын
The thing is there is a difference between acknowledging bad parts of your personality and encouraging them, which I feel like this trend does more than anything. Also who tells women that it's not ok to take care of your looks and be feminine? Men constantly make fun of women that aren't feminine enough and basically tell women that the most important thing about them is their looks, so who does it actually help to push this idea even more and act like the way you look is the most important thing? I just don't understand how we went from "people shouldn't put in boxes and can look or act however they want" back to "these are male interests and these are female interests" like why does everything need to be gendered? Why can't people just be themselves instead of constantly having to perform all these gender roles
@brynn1302
2 жыл бұрын
That is very true. The thing is, this community crosses the line between the "I am not okay, and that's okay" and the "I am not okay and therefore I will have a manipulative behavior with everyone because of that reason". It lets young girls to feel heard about their mental illnesses but doesn't encourage them to seek help or get better, like a loop of infinite sadness that has become their whole personality.
@Chloeatrandom
2 жыл бұрын
there is a huge issue with glamorizing your negative traits though. if you know what’s wrong with you and decide to glamorize it instead of make steps towards improving it’s really strange and says a lot about someone as a person 😭
@graceelizabethlw
2 жыл бұрын
Thing is, this has never been about fitting in or trying to have an aesthetic for me, I’ve always been hyper feminine since I was young and loved it, I have also struggled with my mental health and this is just who I am, if anything I tried hard to fit in with other aesthetics growing up and trying to be more “normal” whereas now I’m just embracing who I am, the take me as I am mentality and being more genuine/transparent. Social media makes us feel like we have to be perfect and never show our weaknesses whereas now I feel people are more comfortable opening up about their struggles, idk I’m bad at explaining things so I hope I make sense
@EmilyFoligni
2 ай бұрын
I genuinely feel like the growth of social media has wholly negated the need for a “personality”. Women today can so easily attach themselves to a niche subgroup or label, that the need to define your own interests and the basis of your personality becomes meaningless in favour of strategically choosing a way to appear online. This is one of my favourite topics, I find the growth of these problems SO interesting. Loved the video Mina 💕
@jemungerhicks4983
2 жыл бұрын
This whole “femcel/fleabag era” aesthetic also feels like a lot of young women desperately wishing they could be like fleabag or Amy dunne or Lisa rowe and be visibly unstable and not okay when in reality they’re suffering in silence as many women are conditioned to do, it’s like a cry for help dressed up in a cool outfit
@dead70
2 жыл бұрын
This is one of the only comments on this topic that makes any sense. I think making it "cool" adds a feeling of power to it... with Fleabag her whole thing is that being smug and sarcastic is a way for her to gain control and power over the pain shes obviously feeling. I think people wish they had an audience they could get validation from for their pain, the way they feel they validate characters by laughing at their antics
@meh_im_a_sheep6018
2 жыл бұрын
@@princepark1013 definitely. I think mental problems in general are just stigmatized. BUT, this video is about women and their problems. That's why no one is talking about men or non binary people.
@TexasToast221
2 жыл бұрын
The tiktokification of tumblr aesthetics is so fascinating. Leaning into your mental health struggles to the point where it’s an aesthetic is such an unhealthy coping mechanism, it kept me in a dark place for way longer than I needed to be when I was on tumblr in the early 2010s. Romanticizing being a mess all the time put me in such a bad headspace. But I do feel like my outfits peaked when I was wearing circle skirts and denim jackets 🫠
@ambatuBUHSURK
2 жыл бұрын
i have lived long enough to hear "tiktokification"
@kiwiquent
2 жыл бұрын
Feel the same about my black nylons+ shorts & spiked boots :')
@adorabledeathwish
2 жыл бұрын
As girl with borderline personality disorder caused by childhood trauma (in the process of healing), it hurts that the sad girl media I was able to relate to is now being labeled “femcel” and further stigmatized
@MobTheGlitch
2 жыл бұрын
It's most likely not that by itself, but more a specific combination of several specific things. Just how it's not the dr martens that do it per se, but combine it with some crazy hair color, glittery armpit pubes, cultural appropriating shallow paganism, obsession with star signs, and a tendency to talk like a lobotomized valley girl and uhh... Yikes
@verymew
2 жыл бұрын
Poor you 😭😭😭😭😭 I'm crying
@goodvibesandhealing
2 жыл бұрын
@@verymew this is exactly what we’re talking about. I’m not even an incel im just being called one because of the things I related to and my mental health. Why are you attacking us when it was clearly a cry for help?
@Psyche14047
2 жыл бұрын
@@goodvibesandhealing it also makes it worse for those who are not diagnosed with a document, because frankly my friends in the medical psychological field have said to me that its a big chance i have bpd by what i explained (aka everything) and i am mad that they are stigmatizing even more by artifying the mental illnesses through obsessions etc etc.
@goodvibesandhealing
2 жыл бұрын
@@Psyche14047 yes omg thank you!
@Jenns228
Жыл бұрын
"loss of tumblr" I literally have it open in the other tab..?
@sam-the-moomin
2 жыл бұрын
Tiktok is literally just Tumblr 2.0 and we’re having to go through all the same discourse and problems again… like I thought we all came to the conclusion that romanticizing mental illness, EDs, and SH was a BAD thing but we’re just right back where we started I guess
@alisonodette
2 жыл бұрын
its actually worse because on tiktok you can’t really control what you see
@neptunianheart
2 жыл бұрын
We never left
@pinkbrando
2 жыл бұрын
Its soooooo much worse than tumblr ever was though. Theres like, thousands more people on there than tumblr had on its prime, its forcing stuff on you whereas on tumblr you had to actually look for stuff. And plus on tiktok you have your whole face there almost every time. It's so worse
@thisisntahandle
2 жыл бұрын
Also Twitter
@notshardain
2 жыл бұрын
at least on tumblr you could (and still can!) curate your experience pretty well and it's typically hard to find the Bad Stuff unless you go looking for them. Partly because the search function is still so laughably bad, and partly because there's no algorithm pushing certain popular content onto your dash/timeline. But if it means I can't find things that will deal psychic damage to me... I'll take it over a better functioning search w/an algorithm.
@t4kyon592
Жыл бұрын
Girl I’m 25 years old and was in the height of the tumblr era and all these new tiktok titles and eras give me brain damage for real, I’m ready to leave internet culture
@racheltyler4155
Жыл бұрын
Same 😂 I’m 27 and used tumblr all through HS in 2010-2014 and even into college a bit and the brain damage seeing all this is REAL 😂😂😂 get me outta here I’m too old for this to happen again I stg 😂
@vickyshinoa1270
9 ай бұрын
I’m 25 as well and I just figured this whole thing out, it’s crazy!
@marvin2678
7 ай бұрын
Why ? It wasnt better in the past
@breannasanchez5362
3 ай бұрын
Same I was 16 in 2014 and it’s crazy how younger girls are feeling nostalgic about that era lol
@ladyfaye
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like it’s natural to want to label yourself or categorize yourself into a box because being human is so complex and difficult… identifying with “aesthetics” is an attempt at simplifying into something more easily understandable
@p_quruta1726
2 жыл бұрын
You can do that, but don't blame the downsides of that on other people
@lorenzomeulli750
2 жыл бұрын
And since when the "Easy way out" is the best solution? For crying out loud.
@ladyfaye
2 жыл бұрын
@Cincoat yes, exactly! There’s nothing inherently wrong w loosely identifying with a category if it’s not harmful to anyone else
@lorenzomeulli750
2 жыл бұрын
@Cincoat No? Maybe SOME people like it. I can't think of anything less interesting
@darkskinpink7921
2 жыл бұрын
@@lorenzomeulli750 human beings are multifaceted but we are not widely different individuals that all bring someone new to the table. You yourself are also a stereotype. The 'i reject labels, i'm so individual' stereotype, and you are also doing everything in your power to maintain that identity. Get off your sad high horse and accept, whilst you are important, there are at least 100000 people exactly like you
@elizabayroff7106
2 жыл бұрын
15:36 It's funny that Jane Eyre is considered a sad girl, because one of the most remarkable things about her is that she DOESN'T let the tragedies and obstacles in her life bring her down. She is sensitive and thoughtful, yes, but not sad.
@munchiekins
2 жыл бұрын
I loved Jane Eyres fighting spirit, and her moral integrity she is a great character. She was also described as fairly plain
@basicradical3581
2 жыл бұрын
@@munchiekins fr, Jane Eyre was a basic, optimistic woman who overcame her tragic circumstances with thoughtfulness and empathy. She is nothing like this female manipulator aesthetic, she forgave her abusive aunt and she was considered rather average in comparison to other women
@KrisztinaH.
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you! Jane Eyre, while she feels sadness, doesn't let the emotion or other emotions consume her. She carries on with her life, has incredible moral and emotional strength. And whatever life threw at her, she always committed to doing things with a clear conscience and doing the best she can with what she had.
@munchiekins
2 жыл бұрын
@@KrisztinaH. She has lead me through some morally questionable situations just by her example. Makes me wanna read it again LOL 😆
@munchiekins
2 жыл бұрын
@@basicradical3581 Especially as a child it seemed the prime characteristic her aunt and others focused on was her looks. Her cousin was a total brat but looked like an angel and was treated as such 😮💨
@elizabethrhodes4275
2 жыл бұрын
This early idea of being a “hipster” ABSOLUTELY CONSUMED my class in middle school. I remember people sticking to their trends. You were a hipster, a prep, or an athlete. Then I remember people getting made fun of for buying their clothes at Walmart. Consumerism can be… cruel and evil.
@jessicayoung3656
2 жыл бұрын
To be fair, Walmart clothes are the worst. I'd rather get thrift clothes.
@sparkleytxt4041
2 жыл бұрын
@@jessicayoung3656 idk about that because Walmart clothes are cute and a great quality than thrift stores
@NK-snob
2 жыл бұрын
@@jessicayoung3656 let people shop where they want. Not all people can wear second-hand clothing.
@gillianmcgregor1206
9 ай бұрын
Men are called incels for harassing women while women are called incels for liking Lana Del Ray...
@thisguyrocks6131
7 ай бұрын
Sure but Men are also called incels for liking Weezer and The smiths
@darris1939
7 ай бұрын
Women are called femcels for being misandrist. Never saw a woman that was called a femcel in a non joking way for liking Lana del Rey… stop making excuses like these
@caciliawilhelm245
7 ай бұрын
real
@kaesalovestmnt
7 ай бұрын
@@thisguyrocks6131 no not really
@darris1939
7 ай бұрын
@@kaesalovestmnt yes really lol. also, women usually aren't called incels for liking lana del rey, they're called incels for hating men...
@lykayorac
2 жыл бұрын
as a sad girl on tumblr in 2014 and now deteriorating in my bedroom, i'm so here for this essay !!
@lykayorac
2 жыл бұрын
@@maybe8985 deteriorating in my room because i'm part of the lower middle class rn in the philippines but not because i'm still romanticizing the sad girl aesthetic. you're right though, we need to move past it. i just needed this video essay because it's such a niche experience :)
@thepagecollective
2 жыл бұрын
AND absolutely KILLING that look. Just nailed it.
@maybe8985
2 жыл бұрын
@@lykayorac oh sorry wrong comment ☹️
@lykayorac
2 жыл бұрын
@@maybe8985 no, it's completely fine. your message was well-intentioned and necessary
@hwlsgrl
2 жыл бұрын
@@lykayorac FELT THIS AS A FELLOW GIRL ROTTING IN HER ROOM, ALSO FROM THE LOWER MIDDLE CLASS IN THE PHILIPPINES😍😍
@RoxasLov3r4Ev3r
2 жыл бұрын
"Mourning the loss of Tumblr" bro IT'S STILL THERE??? Tumblr is actually that one scene in Brother Bear where the wife is like "this year I lost my dear husband Edgar" and Edgar is like "QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I'M DEAD" 💀💀💀💀
@writteninstars
2 жыл бұрын
Tumblr is the new LiveJournal
@bananarice5331
2 жыл бұрын
As Ursula K Le Guin once wrote, “The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.” This trend of commodifying inner turmoil and flaws, is something that i believe to be uniquely feminine. Women cannot be allowed to simply live the way they want to. We’re simply pushed from extreme to extreme, and deviance from the norm will be punished unless it is profitable. This new sad girl era really brings female objectification into plain sight. The aesthetic categories really are just another means with which we can be more easily be categorized as something or other, only now they seem to idealize wallowing in being mentally ill, manipulative, and cynical. I really hate how being ‘socially other’ is in, and that there is seemingly comfort in being sad. I believe that there is substantial harm in idealizing mental illness, and for those trying to get better from it, finding comfort in it only let’s you fall back into a downward spiral. Please be happy, for your own sake. Being sad as a protest to the terrible things happening is not only exhausting, but also useless. Sorry if this sounds confusing I am very tired it is the wee hours here. Good night
@Hannah-ologist
2 жыл бұрын
"being pushed from extreme to extreme" is such an apt term for what is happening. That Le Guin quote is also really choice. I lived through the 2010s "sad girl" tumblr era but was lucky enough to not get too deep into social media and had communities irl and online that were about being realistic about happiness and being unironically into the things that make you happy.
@appelsinpiken
2 жыл бұрын
God, it seems now that just experiencing a variety of emotions is an act of rebellion. And still somehow "just living" is not en vogue.
@AndreaDiaz-rc3iy
2 жыл бұрын
THISSS, I was having a conservasation about this with some friends and I is something that I see in artist like if they write songs about how they are deppresed is a masterpice but if the artist wrote a more positive song ppl would be like:" it was better when they were depressed"
@worrywirt
2 жыл бұрын
she’s my favourite author, everything she says is so well-phrased and true
@sareneve1626
2 жыл бұрын
this commentttttt. you put it in words, thank you. also nice quote, i'm stealing that
@cindyneetocheeto3954
6 ай бұрын
Yeah a commodification/fetishization of “BPD girls” has been trending for awhile. 🤮
@annikaluvsu
2 жыл бұрын
I think oftentimes aesthetics like these become appealing because they feel like some sort of "answer" to those who struggle with mental illness or sadness. Instead of making it seem like you should ignore negativity (like the THAT girl trend), and try to pursue happiness and productivity (which can feel impossible when you're in a dark place) it embraces it and creates a community where it gets romanticized. The unhappiness becomes a safe place, making it feel much easier to live with. edit: I also think there's a sense of exclusivity among this aesthetic, because many whispers use phrases like "hot girls ____" or "in my manipulating men era" with conventionally attractive people or aesthetic images in the background. I feel like this makes it seem like it's a "cool girl" thing to think this way.
@danielacovarrubias4961
2 жыл бұрын
It’s so weird how American (maybe european and canadian too?) women live and participate in feminism, as a mexican young woman rather than thinking if feminism fits my aesthetic or not it’s a life or death situation
@user-ji4fe7zq6m
2 жыл бұрын
totally agree that making a political movement about womens emancipation into an aesthetic robs it of any meaning… using the word ‘feminism’ in this ironic, unserious context is so sinister
@danielacovarrubias4961
2 жыл бұрын
@@user-ji4fe7zq6m exactly
@ariadnaisdead
2 жыл бұрын
Ikr? As a south american girl it would be so nice to see feminism goals succed, cause my safety in my country depends on it, my freedom depends on it, and its so disconcerting to see white caucasian women in a first world country portrait feminism as an aesthetic or something comsummable, something targetable when it comes to reaching audience and followers.
@danielacovarrubias4961
2 жыл бұрын
@@ariadnaisdead oh my god EXACTLY!!! 👏🏻
@gr4410
2 жыл бұрын
everytime I see this kind of video I think: "here comes these first-world people with their made-up first-world problems"
@Rerlio
2 жыл бұрын
I have had tiktok deleted for over a year now and i think that helps avoid toxic spaces/trends. We know how much it influences us and yet we don’t take it as seriously as we should. If you’re not a content creator making your living off social media, I promise if you delete tiktok your self esteem will improve and you won’t miss it lol
@kayegalon
2 жыл бұрын
Yo that's exactly the same as what I did and realized since last year 😂 back when I was on tiktok 24/7 i also felt so sad about myself, comparing my own life to others, then drowning on self pity every single day. But now that I deleted it and reduced the time I spent on other social media, I felt more positive and more confident about myself and even more satisfied about my life lmao
@jifij89
2 жыл бұрын
YES!!! downloading tiktok ruined my attention span and made my psychotic episodes 100x worse, since i’ve deleted it again, it’s been easier to cope!
@alice45-fgd-456drt
2 жыл бұрын
I've never been on TikTok and I hear only bad things about it, literally don't understand why anyone's on there to begin with 😐 Taking care to clean up your own space, including online space, is such an important thing though. I removed both Facebook and Twitter for this reason, I was only engaging in toxic shit and I needed out. So I left. Haven't missed either really.
@nanaosa
2 жыл бұрын
My boyfriend and I deleted our instagrams together (social media can cause relationship problems as well.) It’s so easy to hide things, so easy to be exposed to people that are basically naked and make your partner feel like they aren’t enough.
@kayegalon
2 жыл бұрын
@@alice45-fgd-456drt ngl tiktok was fun during the early pandemic days but now it's just full of bullshit. And yeah same i haven't missed it either.
@boofreakingyahkiddy
2 жыл бұрын
“Are you still mourning the loss of tumblr?” Tumblr off screen: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE IM DEAD
@justintime3656
2 жыл бұрын
Somtimes I still hear it
@shortinsomniac76
2 жыл бұрын
Tumblr is mostly: DONT LET THEM FIND OUT WE ARE ALIVE
@Visplight
2 жыл бұрын
@@shortinsomniac76 IKR? The only people "mourning the loss of tumblr" are the porn blogs that can no longer advertise their OnlyFans. Everyone else is damn happy in their cozy little sewer.
@IndiePoppedhearts
2 жыл бұрын
@@Visplight not a porn blog and still mourning the loss of pure expression, which while contains nsfw imagery is not pornographic.
@shortinsomniac76
2 жыл бұрын
@@Visplight i disagree with the corn ban but im glad it made some of the worst people move to tweeter
@Linabluwi
Жыл бұрын
I think we should let women experience their emotions and be who they are without getting criticised for doing the minimum and get called toxic for it. Let women vent i didn’t see that much criticism coming upon the whole “sigma male” thing
@CrystalPepsiDog
Жыл бұрын
"Sigma male" is more of a meme and any guy unironically calling himself sigma is simply retarded. Basically alpha, beta sigma male terms are like astrology for men.
@glowfussy
Жыл бұрын
Exactly.
@utaukappasensei2
Жыл бұрын
Literally nobody supported that other than a couple of losers, it's gross and childish to want to excuse being toxic with that "but they did it too!" bs, not the flex you think it is bestie
@Fuckthisworld-kk5cc
Жыл бұрын
Who the fuck takes sigma thing seriously? Are you kidding me 🤣
@miimamwez
Жыл бұрын
Have you spent a day on the internet?
@nicholamarshall9927
2 жыл бұрын
all of these aesthetics seem like an attempt to cope with trauma (often sexual abuse). i hate the assumption that the women and girls partaking are doing it to be trendy. i think many many many girls are trying to find outlets for deep trauma. instead of mocking those girls for “commodifying mental illness”, we should be asking WHY so many girls are relating to such upsetting messages and focus on how we can support each other! incredible vid as always mina ❤️
@mariyamsaeed8279
2 жыл бұрын
!!
@stuffinsthegreat
2 жыл бұрын
seriously, as someone who reblogged a LOT of this apparently "sad girl" content on tumblr back in its heyday--I was actually really going through things I needed serious, medical help for. The problems that I had then are still with me now (probably for the rest of my life), and just because I don't relish in that sort of content anymore doesn't mean I don't still feel the words and imagery of that content. At the time, I thought reblogging it was helpful to me, because I didn't see any way out of the hole I was in. I learned that it was making those problems worse and not better, so I stopped, but it was never some trendy or purely aesthetic habit for me Also, it did eventually evolve into people who were going through these problems trying to give each other actually helpful advice. Or at least that's what my dash turned into eventually. Because honestly, that advice has much more authority when it's given by someone who actually understands what you're going through
@xxyz6217
2 жыл бұрын
yes, but not all coping mechanisms are healthy and these aesthetics are one example of unhealthy coping. And from what I've seen, I think there is a good percentage of women who really are doing this to be trendy and not to cope.
@lvely4126
2 жыл бұрын
@@xxyz6217 I agree. We should not be encouraging unhealthy coping mechanisms like these. Putting yourself AND others down is not the way to go
@sophers1O1
2 жыл бұрын
yep!!! thank u
@katiebatten5794
2 жыл бұрын
I feel like the part of being a “femcel” that’s overlooked comes from dating apps. Most boys don’t understand or appreciate why you feel so lost in femininity or why you don’t wanna be a cool girl for them. In fact, they’ll dump you as soon as you seem too caring. You meet so many people who want you to be their casual fun when what you actually want is the drama and devotion you see in your favorite art, so you start acting more feral to scare off those people from the start. Right before I met my long-term bf I purposely made my profile as weird as possible bc I couldn’t stand another person saying “lol ok 😅” at something I said. It makes sense to me that young women want to rage against the easygoing, unserious, unthoughtful men you meet a lot when you’re young and dating
@parbhk2889
2 жыл бұрын
That last sentence you wrote I felt it in my heart
@Abhishekxsahu
2 жыл бұрын
I will probably never understand or experience what women go through but i totally understand and deeply feel whatever u said about dating men ✊🏼❤️
@ametistazz
2 жыл бұрын
The last sentence tho.......... i know it's super unhealthy but it's true
@sunmi2539
2 жыл бұрын
Lol ok
@BC-np8cb
2 жыл бұрын
"In fact, they’ll dump you as soon as you seem too caring." This has happened to me. One guy I dated for a few months was telling me after a few dates about his previous girlfriends and said something like: "They start out at first having their own opinions and standing their ground if you disagree or like different things, but then eventually they start to just like what I like or want to agree with me and do what I do." Of course it's not good to just go along with a guy/S.O. and always disregard your views for them, but I found it off-putting that this was what made him want to dump a gal. He was not trying to understand or be sympathetic to why this was a pattern with women he'd been with; that this might be the result of a woman forming a genuine attachment and being afraid to lose the guy and expressing it in a way that, while flawed, tends to result from social conditioning. In other words, these girls started to care "too much" about being with or relating to this guy, so instead of trying to be reassuring and have a productive discussion about why they started to go along with him more, he just lost interest and dumped them. It's like damned if you do and damned if you don't. Either men want this doe-eyed deference from women or some fantasy about a feisty firecracker who entertains them with playful sparing and cavalier resistance.
@megorly792
Жыл бұрын
I almost cried when Melanie was put between them. Some of us just had a rough upbringing 😭😭😭
@lauraigla6319
Жыл бұрын
Same! I was like... some of us have a favorite Lisbon girl because some of us grew up with a lot of sisters who were also suicidal 😅
@만시-p6e
Жыл бұрын
Same here growing up in a ab*sive family with domestic v**lence and getting bullied and ostricized through most part of my school life (expect 2 years) really did messed up with my brain and nervous system but I do want to get better. It's just I don't know the way and I can't afford therapy. Now things are seemingly normal with my family for few years and I'm not in school anymore it's kind of feels weird to act like nothing wrong everything is normal but I feel embarrassed to be who I am after all of that 'cuz I don't want to be toxic. I swear I try my best but sometimes my true traumatised self slip of a little bit it always come of as "not like other girls" or "pick me" I try soo hard not to that's why I talk less, I always try to filter my thoughts which is kinda draining. I'm just soo scared at this point to even make friends or talk to people 'cuz now everything is seemingly normal in my life so there no valid reason for how I feel so it always come of as act of attention seeking.
@megorly792
Жыл бұрын
@@만시-p6e there will always be a valid reason with abuse. Abuse follows it's victims on for seemingly forever. Just because you're not being abused doesn't mean you weren't abused. The aftermath of abuse never really leaves, we just need to find a way around it. It's okay, you're valid
@nave_3030
Жыл бұрын
Exactly and some of us just like the incredibly catchy songs of Melanie and Marina 😭😭
@corrienotcorey
2 жыл бұрын
As someone who spent their formidable years on Tumblr from 2009-2016, this is just sad girl Tumblr. The romanticization of eating disorders to the "pretty when you cry" hashtag, this is 2012 Tumblr repackaged.
@tmaxwell6033
2 жыл бұрын
Seriously. I remember my cringe ass Tumblr. "Porcelain pain" LMAO
@corrienotcorey
2 жыл бұрын
@@tmaxwell6033 LMAO
@jifij89
2 жыл бұрын
yup, it’s really sad seeing it happen over and over again. more and more young girls turning into adult women with destroyed lives. it’s soul destroying seeing so many go down the path i stumbled down
@chickenfoot2423
2 жыл бұрын
i mean this in a genuinely helpful way not as a dig, but i think you might mean ‘formative’
@jifij89
2 жыл бұрын
i’ve seen comments on tiktok saying ‘i ruined my day by smiling, i was trying to be dark and mysterious’, and sooo many teenagers agreed. it makes me so so sad that teens are still trying to be someone theyre not. we need to give teens the space to find out who they are, away from arbitrary aesthetics
@sarahferenc5440
2 жыл бұрын
I think part of the reason the Kardashians are dissolving their BBLs is because they have become too mainstream and accessible. Once the “poor” masses are able to access the body type they became famous for, they no longer stand out. It’s played out, it’s finished.
@oa8463
Жыл бұрын
You cant dissolve a bbl.
@brunakarolina8950
Жыл бұрын
@@oa8463 but you can lose weight, if you loose a considerate amount of fat it'll make your bum smaller
@4shlynl
3 ай бұрын
yeah this put all my thoughts into words lol. I used to think my depth as a human being was fully defined by how much I 'suffered' combined with a dark and manipulative aesthetic thing. I don't understand why we feel like adhering to an aesthetic is what gives us worth and personality or even uniqueness, it is literally adhering to a stereotype
@kitty7901
2 жыл бұрын
what i find really interesting right now online is the divide that we're making between men and women, even though we're claiming to be progressing on from that. with 'female manipulators' and 'alpha males' all these little groups are doing is pitting men and women against each other, both showing the other as inanimate and totally removed from each other. good old fashioned ideas about gender just repackaged with reasoning that suits us today.
@helenvane
2 жыл бұрын
twitter slang "just a joke :/" version of gender stereotypes.
@Liz-abeth
2 жыл бұрын
I think what bugs me the most is that the people who do these things call themselves "feminists" when is reality they're going against what feminism means. It affects the community badly because then people assume all feminists are like that when all we want is basic equality for everyone.
@oliviaparks3133
2 жыл бұрын
this is fundamentally different from gender roles, this is an analysis of behavior not an encouragement of certain actions based on gender. it would be disingenuous and futile to attempt to analyze people in a society where they have been socialized based on gender and are therefore acting in large part based on the gender assigned at birth and the socialization and treatment they received because of that. It’s useless from a sociological perspective to pretend as if we live in a post gender society when we don’t and it influences everything from how people talk, who they talk to, how much they talk, what algorithms and products are aimed at them, how much childcare their take on, major life decisions like career, and small ones like what clothes and shoes they wear, etc.
@pixi3d3ath47
2 жыл бұрын
honestly the female manipulator thing is a satirical joke on tumblr based on similar interests. there’s a small subset of girls, clearly young, who act out this mean persona they don’t get to act out IRL. but none of these self described female manipulators actually consider themselves that, it’s purely for aesthetics to feel included in an internet subculture. like scene kids-i’m sure they don’t speak in numbers in between letters and emoticons. it’s not the same as men who genuinely think they’re “alpha males.”
@Aaron-fb6mb
2 жыл бұрын
It's horrible because we're both (moreso men though) caught up in these little echo chambers seeking negative confirmation bias about the opposite sex. Big social media pages know this, so they post controversial/toxic man vs woman content to get more comments/ fights. And social media algorithms will show you the same type of content you interact most with, so it's very easy to slip into the "ugh, women are so bad" hole after being shown so much of that content and sitting in an echo chamber repeating it.
@writteninstars
2 жыл бұрын
I don't want to be cynical but I honestly think that every generation will have their phases like the ones that we see in the video. the experiences (depression, anxiety, loneliness) that all of these movements are based on will never go away. we see it with the jocks vs nerds and the emos vs the preps, two tropes that's been with us for decades since teenagehood turned into a commercialized thing. this f*mcelcore movement will die down, people will make critical think pieces about it in a few years, followers will cringe at their past behavior, and then the next movement will rise to replace it. we have learned nothing from the sad girl movement, and maybe because it's nothing to be learned until we address the core reasons why these movements happen.
@TheJollyJokerDancer
2 жыл бұрын
Indeed. Thing is, the core reason is the natural, chemical, emotional instability of a brain in development, aka, a teenager. The brain stops developing at around age 25. The sense of self as separated from your family and the need to find "who you are" starts somewhere from 12 to 15. It's never gonna go away because it's basic biology. For more information: developmental psychology.
@luizapacheco3946
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, thats also what I think, making the girls that are in these phases feel ashamed of themselfs will not solve the problem, it will probably just push them into finding another or proving their point or going to another "artists" with the same vibe. They are going to probably grow out of it but they need to express their feeling in some way, to maybe, after, being critic about it
@sixsixsixsixsixsix
2 жыл бұрын
Emo is resurfacing
@starryeyes999
2 жыл бұрын
its ok u can say femcel its not tiktok
@gamma00crucis
Жыл бұрын
main problem is the smear of shit it leaves on the cultural conscience of ppl growing up in this era. same way emo/prep dichotomy sticks with the millennials who grew up in that era (through interests, aesthetics, etc), incel/femcel bs is GOING to stick with the kids latching onto these identities. and that's just :) a recipe for perfectly well-adapted and functional adults, surely :)
@high5times10
2 жыл бұрын
So glad that you mentioned glorifying mental illness. I remember having to block certain blogs and tags on tumblr because it triggered my eating disorder and depression... people were taking aesthetic photos of themselves looking like skeletons and praising themselves for not eating. That made me realise that I can choose to wallow in my sorrows or try to be happier, and it saved me
@saritaswetman5680
Жыл бұрын
I feel like it's such a destructive part of social media culture to glorify mental illness to "fit in with others". I'm not saying people should pretend to be happy all the time, but no one should be pretending to be sad all the time.
@GeorgieR-zx2ic
2 ай бұрын
It makes me so sad that Fiona apple was dragged into this strange femcel community, when you mentioned her at the start in the article I went NOOOOO cause I love her so much
@sulaimana.5433
2 ай бұрын
Same
@JesseRosy
2 жыл бұрын
I think a lot of the criticisms of the "sad girl" come from a place of trying to control women rather than help them. I mean...yeah. A lot of teen girls are sad. There's a lot to be sad about when you're a teen girl. Do we expect them to hide it instead? Of course they won't always express their sadness in the most productive/healthy way, but that's because they're teenagers. We're just making the issue worse by demeaning girls who are expressing their emotions.
@kuromi8384
Жыл бұрын
Yes!!! 100%
@465marko
Жыл бұрын
Is that what it's about though? Or is it criticising an "aesthetic" or an image that actually kind of commodifies or fetishises that sadness? ("fetishise", for want of a much better word). Cause I think I get where you're coming from; lots of teenage girls will have intense emotional feelings, growing pains, traumatic events or psychological issues - they shouldn't be dismissed or ridiculed for that at all. And of course those girls/women will relate to certain cultural figures or media that resonate with how they feel. And they shouldn't be shamed for that either. But if those cultural elements are creating this overall aesthetic that becomes romanticised or aspirational, that can't be good. And even if the image isn't something anyone aspires to, if it creates a sort of self-justifying feedback loop within online communities where people are less focused on actually helping each other and more interested in appearing a certain way, that's not good either. I don't know if any of that is really fair to say, though. If it's just about genuine self-expression, then you're totally right. But if there's an element of people being inspired to play into or romanticise a stereotype that's really unhealthy, then yaknow... I think it's fair to criticise that. Not criticise the person, but the image or the trope or aesthetic or whatever it is.
@bantuforever
Жыл бұрын
Yess! That's what I thought. First of all assuming that people who consume this content are mentally ill or need help is very presumptive. And second, if they are atleast they are expressing in some way and other few are relating to it. Also there need not be anything wrong with having a consistent healthy lifestyle, it doesn't indicate any eating disorder/ocd. So doesn't dressing a particular style
@maria199736
Жыл бұрын
I think parents just should be more aware of their kids interests and feelings and provide them the nesessary mental health because if you like the sad girl aesthetic you probably have depression. It's totally ok to express it. It's criminaly not ok for people around you to assume it's just a phase and ridicule you or just let you be
@flawtee4150
Жыл бұрын
They are just same of sadboi manipulative, they just need to help themselves just like sadboi, people who with sadboi or sadgirl deserve other people or deserve to be separated to any sadboi or sadgirl.
@risika
2 жыл бұрын
“How to lose weight versus why lose weight” Ive been thinking about this a lot and you just put it into words!! Ive had too completely overhaul the way I approach exercise. My whole childhood, I was obsessed with wanting a flat stomach. I would stare at other girls in such jealousy it makes me so sad for my younger self. Now I try really hard to work out because its medicine for my depression and try to remember its not about pushing myself to oblivion every time I get on the mat. I began posting my workouts on my channel, so I'd have a visual to SEE with my own eyes, that I'm getting stronger, and better at yoga/pilates and exercise isnt just about trying to be small.
@annabukh3503
2 жыл бұрын
I thought we're done with this "mental illness is cool" shit. As a person with depression, it seems like a slap in a face. If those people knew what it's really like to have clinical depression, they would never pretend they have one and glamorize it. Being mentally healthy is actually the best thing in the world.
@boysounds9705
2 жыл бұрын
ooooh, this shitis still going on but depression is already “last season”, now everyone has adhd and ocd
@yanavav
2 жыл бұрын
Ppl who glamorize mental illness are the reason why mental health is stigmatized and why ppl would rather wallow in their trauma (like myself) and/or afraid to find help because being mentally ill and not receiving help is acceptable. Obvi sum ppl can't afford meds or therapy but if Ppl understand how incapacitating mental illnesses can be theyd stfu. It's so frustrating seeing ppl make fun of/, stigmatize those with bipolar, schizophrenia, depression etc.
@thedork9754
2 жыл бұрын
@@yanavav for real. No one wants to talk about how you can't wake up in the morning with depression. Or how your senses intensify to the point a trip to the grocery store is an absolute nightmare with anxiety. That's not cool. How struggles can be ever cool?
@reese7460
2 жыл бұрын
this. I have been diagnosed and medicated with depression, ADHD and BPD since i was a kid and have been in and out of hospitals because of episodes. The same people that glamorize it and fake having it are the same people that shame and criticize people that actually have it and call them ‘crazy’
@yanavav
2 жыл бұрын
@@reese7460 it truly makes me feel as though I should be proud of my mental illnesses and other ppl should be as well. It builds this unsafe community among society and that ppl can't or shouldn't have to deal with those suffering from mental illnesses. Nobody chooses to have depression or anxiety but that doesn't mean u should post ur sadgrlcore vids on tiktok for views. It's so insensitive and part or the reason why i deleted tiktok. That aside, I hope you hang on and will find healing some day. You are deserving of happiness and security and im proud that your fighting through it.
@rinversea
Жыл бұрын
Genuinely, putting some things aside it just shows how chronically online today people are. All for the sake of fitting in, the second u disagree with their self destructive movements u get called out and told “u don’t get the vision” like please, it’s like a never ending cycle.
@valentinadallarosa1859
2 жыл бұрын
i found that the most upsetting thing abt this trend to me particularly was the fact it takes so many great feminist works, like american psycho and the virgin suicides, and completely flips them around to be compliant with this culture that basically gives into exactly what those works are criticizing. i deleted tik tok months ago when i started seeing fiona apple dragged into this. when i was growing up her music was a comforting refuge for me; her anger made me feel important and validated whenever i felt belittled and taken advantage of as a girl. i felt hopeful and empowered. seeing her being perceived as part of this trend that so heavily encourages and sides with eating disorders, being seen as “pure” and “holy”, and romanticizes the suffering of being a woman to make it something desirable; it made me so so sad.
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