I blew up on my husband there were multiple things going on:
We traveled and I didn't get much sleep.
Saturday I might have been slightly hypomanic and went shopping at 7:30 am at Walmart.
Sunday I blew up and was what can only be described as b*tchy and mean. I was symptomatic.
It was traumatic being back home. It made me miss my Mom and remember a lot of things. While most of my memories right now are bad ones, good ones are slowly coming back.
I was upset about my brother. I'm so worried about his health right now.
I was in excrushiating pain and exhuasted.
All of these things combined caused me to blow up. I did not deal with the stress properly and when I don't get enough sleep that is when Bipolar symtoms come.
I had a few blow ups not just at my husband but also at the E.R. I have outbursts like this and it usually includes me storming off. This is out of body for me. I know I'm making a poor decision but just like with my anger I cannot stop myself. My emotions are just so overwhelming. I attribute this to being Bipolar. Storming off is not symptom of bipolar but I would say it's probably a common problem with most of us. I am so fortunate to have a patient husband. I should have had him go with me originally he would have told me it would be stupid to go to the Emergency Department but my storming off by myself prevented this.
Being reminded of growing up Bipolar and unmedicated and how hard it was and all the struggles I had with growing up Bipolar made it so hard to go home and always does.
I don't talk to any of my childhood friends and a big reason for that is because I want to forget Bipolar Steph. The person I was back then, the humiliation, the way I thought my friends probably saw me. Living with Bipolar is so challenging on a day to day basis and yes we take medication that helps us manage our symptoms but that does not mean that we don't have symptoms.
I hope any loved ones watching this knows if we lose touch with you it might be because we are embarrassed of who we were when we were friends. We also don't enjoy having such strong emotions it's just the way we were born. Explaining reasons for Bipolar behavior is not making excuses.
It brings up Imposter Syndrome feelings for me when I need adjustments based on my mental health. Sleeping in a little bit and maybe hitting a bit of traffic would have been much better for managing my mental health and Bipolar symptoms when driving 5 hours to see family.
If you are bipolar one big thing you need to do first yourself is constantly check in with your emotions and try not to get overwhelmed. It's hard and it makes it hard for people to love us.
If you are a loved one thanks for sticking around, I hope my videos help. For those of you with your own mental health issues you are not alone.
The Electrawave matress cover for grounding and better sleep is below and be sure to let me know what you think!
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Негізгі бет Travel is Hard - I Just Bolted
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