Funny how at small scale(smaller companies) we called them sociopaths but at larger scale like Apple and Tesla(Jobs and Musk) we call them visionaries even though they behave exactly the same, intimidating people, manipulating, bullying, firing on a whim etc.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Interesting point which I think has validity. Most people don’t see the nasty side of things from a distance, it’s easy to get blinded by the charm and achievement
@Degjoy
11 ай бұрын
Plenty of people think Elon Musk is nuts
@outlander234
11 ай бұрын
@@Degjoy Yes but they havent classified him as what he is yet. I cant say he is sociopath with confidence but I can say he has overt NPD.
@JP-gj6qm
10 ай бұрын
exactly
@Titantr0n
10 ай бұрын
@@Degjoy Because he is, that's normal. At least as many people, probably more, think he is an outstanding enterpreneur and a cultivated innovator.
@a.jlondon9039
11 ай бұрын
I worked at a Canadian hospital on a psychiatric ward. The new manager had charmed her way in with the staff until she was comfortable and then the misery began. She would play mind games such as promoting a nurse and then immediately remove the promotion with some flimsy reason. She was married but had no problem having sex with the hospital CEO and male staff in her office. She treated our gay staff terribly by changing their schedules and saying inappropriate nonsense. She was frequently going into our lockdown unit, wearing a mini-skirt and flirting with extremely dangerous male patients thus rousing these men into a frenzy. She constantly violated our union contracts and then assume a victim role. Gaslighting the nurses seemed to be her favourite hobby. She finally left the ward for another job probably because the union grievances against her were costing the hospital a fortune. We discovered that she had been asked to leave several prior positions. These snakes can inflict a lot of psychologic, physical and spiritual damage.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
That is so crazy that these people can get new positions without problems. Surely her references at least vague referred to these past issues!
@cscs9192
11 ай бұрын
Municipal hospital? You have to thank the incompetent recruiters we have abundantly of. Some screening and reference check would have saved you all this hustle.
@Gooders478
11 ай бұрын
Healthcare is seen as a soft target by psychopaths and the socialist nature of public health means that the money keeps coming in no matter how many sadistic freeloaders they employ.
@nomore2001
11 ай бұрын
Cool it with the misogyny
@Gooders478
11 ай бұрын
@@nomore2001 Women are worse bullies than men. Both males and females prefer male bosses and teachers.
@egrace3738
11 ай бұрын
One thing I learned about working for a sociopathic principal is that they can not change. Management will keep them on as long as 'goals are being met'. HR is there to protect the company. I'm totally with you. You regain your power by saying, "No more." Good on you.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you. And yes if goals are being met it’s difficult to justify management changes
@kellydalstok8900
11 ай бұрын
If only those at the top realised goals are being met DESPITE the sociopath, not because of them.
@mikethespike7579
11 ай бұрын
I had a boss like that once. Not sure what he was, sociopath, psychopath, he was just hell to work with. One thing I learned was that these kind of people are extremely strong willed. I took it for 2 years before giving up. just walked out during a conference, didn't say goodbye or even looked back. All I heard were the gasps from the others and the boss telling me to come back and sit down. It took me a lot of courage to do that, but once I did, it was the most intensive feeling of freedom I've ever experienced. Before I knew it I had packed my personal things and was in the company car park walking over to my car. I sent the company my letter of resignation the next day and never heard from anyone at the firm ever again. I think I should have left far earlier, the minute I realised just how toxic the work environment was. Something like that can damage you for a long time if you don't watch out.
@Stringbean421
11 ай бұрын
But how do you explain all what happened at your next job interview when you have to explain why you left and what about a reference from that company you walked out on? You can’t really say at your interview why you left because the interviewer might think yo7 can’t get along with people. Situations like this can be a double edged sword.
@mikethespike7579
11 ай бұрын
@@Stringbean421 I simply told them at the interview what happened at my last job and that I don't have references. I took it that if the company interviewing me is any good they'll understand the circumstances why I left like I did and respect my reasoning. It worked and I was even commended for my honesty. They said it was refreshing to have a job candidate who for once didn't embellish their last job. I worked there for 10 years until I became self-employed and even got work from them after that. I suppose it could have gone in the other direction, but hey, there are tonnes of jobs out there.
@cscs9192
11 ай бұрын
@@Stringbean421 You make up a happy ending story like all other do?🤷♂
@fredrikdippel3664
10 ай бұрын
@@cscs9192and when they contact your former workplace and find out you're lying? You think that would help you? 😂
@chrichtonsworld1
10 ай бұрын
@@Stringbean421 If the last place you worked is the best reference for your experience, you can hide certain things. And no, that is not lying. You can steer a conversation towards the skills and experience you gained and maybe (when asked) mention you got along fine but that sometimes you would clash somewhat because everybody was very passionate towards the product. Yes, that could be considered lying. I call it being creative.
@arnodobler1096
11 ай бұрын
I once worked for a narcissist, worst experience ever. Over 400 hours a month, after 5 months I had a breakdown
@annieontheroad
11 ай бұрын
THIS is exactly the kind of personality that thrives and rises to the "top" in the modern, capitalist, corporate world. This is what's baked into the cake, so to speak. In generations past it was royals and despots that rose into these positions. Now it's the corporate world, and the financial world of catering to shareholders over employees is reinforcing it. Is there a fix? Not anytime soon. The best we can do is be aware of damaged people like this and try and protect ourselves on an individual basis. Thank you for your story so that we can all learn from it. And this is why stories are so powerful for humans -- we can learn lessons from others without having to go through it firsthand. (p.s. I love your voice!)
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you very much for sharing. That was my hope as I do not wish this experience on anyone and saw first hand that if your personal circumstances are different (kids, mortgage etc) it makes changing the environment a lot scarier!
@Tech-Corner2023
11 ай бұрын
Exactly!!
@Samgurney88
11 ай бұрын
I’m not sure capitalism is to blame. Sociopaths will always exist, and they will always have an advantage climbing social hiérarchies ("socialist" states have more than their fair share of sociopaths at the top). It’s horrible, but I think it’s part of life.
@borregoayudando1481
11 ай бұрын
@@Samgurney88 ensure people can't get physically overpowered with the perpetrator being unscathed physicially, if everyone is afraid of seriously doing eachother wrong because everyone is assumed to be armed around the world because small arms become so cheap and plentiful is a world I want to live in. Everyone having zero outlet to go "I'm having a bad day, I think this guy looks soft and weak, I am going to take advantage of him and push him around and mess with him." My least favorite setting is a town that is anti gun and as a result people think they can yell at people till they are red in the face as if people cant touch them. Like New York City, or London. "Try that shit in a small town", except world wide. I wonder where those assholes will stick their energy? Or maybe that kind of energy will go extinct when generations upon generations watch people try to impose themselves on other people and get ventilated when they take it too far physically.
@SirHargreeves
10 ай бұрын
@@Samgurney88Exactly, the Soviet Union wasn’t exactly ran by nice people.
@fuerchtenichts
11 ай бұрын
Thx for your open words. Due to my personal lessons learned the moment you become aware of such a situation it is the best to leave. Never count on HR!!!
@davidlynch9049
11 ай бұрын
Agreed, HR works for the management, and not the worker bees.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Yes. It's easier said than done but I will definitely act quicker next time
@HelmutQ
11 ай бұрын
@@britingermany HR often hires psychologists who use their (pseudo)science to destroy people rather than help them as they were told. The right address for such concerns is rather the union, but generally they refuse to act against certain genders. While you do speak a great German, sociological fights are very hard to win unless your fully natively in the culture. Don't try to fight against the wind mills
@pfefferle74
11 ай бұрын
The R in HR should give anyone a clue how they really care about you.
@outoforbit-
11 ай бұрын
I worked for small orgs and big ones. I came to the conclusion that HR is in the way if you want to sort issue with a colleague, for the simple reason the details are sived through and everything has to fit into an abstract process. When issues are directly dealt with its much more fruitful.
@marcoprolo1488
11 ай бұрын
I worked under a sociopath once. A very stupid lady in an administration in Canada. Very sad. I'm glad she suffered a divorce right after. I wish her more misadventures in life.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Oh dear. That sounds bad
@beetleything1864
11 ай бұрын
que sera 🤣 Karma will bite her on the ass
@moremiaj4786
11 ай бұрын
LOL
@luciaconn6788
10 ай бұрын
Same w/ me. Better to be patient, never retaliate in kind, unless your life is in immediate danger. Twice people have tried to take me down and faced ruin by their own stupidity, one is ashes the other undergoing a ton of litigation, they stepped on bigger toes than mine. I'm dealing w/ a psycho now, waiting them out. If creeps feel you're better, more moral, have supplies of love and no malice and power they want to steal, be on guard and wait.
@30yearsoldiam1
10 ай бұрын
Glad she suffered a divorce after huh? You are just as sad as this KZitemr. You people just diagnosing others as a sociopath is absurd.
@pufpufpuffin
11 ай бұрын
I grew up with a parent like this and there is no winning. You couldn’t have done anything differently. There is only leaving or having more of the same.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
I feel for you. Growing up with that is such a much more extreme situation. I hope you’ve been able to move on
@mlr1658
10 ай бұрын
I also grew up with a parent with narcissistic personality disorder and anti social personality disorder - it was hell, I’ve cut him off but still lasting effects.
@thatwhit1
11 ай бұрын
It took me 18 months to convince the board that one director has anti social personality disorder combined with paranoia - we issue the notice of 28 days to pass an board resolution to remove him tomorrow - it’s been truly exhausting.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Oh god! I can only imagine!
@moremiaj4786
11 ай бұрын
Those menaces, are trully disturbing. They fly under the radar and they are very productive, but they destroy everyone around them and cause them to be ill. Its like they are literal radioactive toxic. Everyone arounds them suffers. I hope this person is gone by now.
@AfroGaz71
10 ай бұрын
I'm sorry, but unless you're a clinical psychologist then I just don't believe that story. In fact, I would go so far to say that if you were to give an armchair psychoanalysis of one board member to the others then it would probably be you who ended up out on their ear. The fact that you spent 18 months trying to get someone sacked with said armchair psychology, suggests this might be a you problem.
@SaurianSavior
10 ай бұрын
@@AfroGaz71 I think the people they brought that up to 18 months ago had the same response as you. In fact, can you imagine some person trying to convince you that one of your more trusted business partners is a liability? I get your concern, but your protestations are mild in comparison to what I imagine @thatwhit1 has already confronted. That, of course, does not mean that I necessarily believe the story, but I do find it plausible.
@illegalsmirf
10 ай бұрын
Do you regularly get people removed from their jobs?
@conniebruckner8190
11 ай бұрын
At least more and more people are now more aware that such sociopaths exist, ( and are successful in business and politics, ) thanks in part to videos like this one, which I am sure was not an easy decision for you to make. So sorry you had to go through this. In my early 20s, I too had good advice from a dear uncle who, when I told him what was happening, told me: "get out! put in your resignation this Monday! There is no need for you to put yourself in such a situation, and you are just enabling the boss to continue." Uncle helped me write the letter too. I found out a decade later that he also had written a letter to the company owner to let them know they had a bad apple.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
very lucky indeed 😉
@GrahamMack
11 ай бұрын
Hey, I worked in commercial and BBC radio for 29 years. Most bosses I had were narcissists and sociopaths!
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
that sounds like hell. How did you stick it out for so long?
@GrahamMack
7 ай бұрын
@@britingermany Money.
@roboldx9171
11 ай бұрын
Exactly why I refuse to work in the 9 to 5 corporate environment. Self-employment is a step in the right direction. Grow the channel.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you. I’m trying to 😉
@ceciliahayward2239
11 ай бұрын
I agree about being self employed, it changes your mindset and it also changes how you are treated by these type of people. Whilst it can draw fire initially, ultimately the ability to walk away when you want, finances being a bit of a game changer though, means you can have a degree of detatchment which makes a huge difference. I have experienced toxic workplaces many times, walk away with dignity.
@skywalker7778
11 ай бұрын
Your soft-spoken sincerity and laying your Soul bare here are some of the most beautiful features on your channel. Thank you for sharing your insights and wisdoms freely ❤
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for your comments and support. I helps a lot 😀
@guitinwidit
11 ай бұрын
Absolutely. He has a measured calmness that is reassuring. The kind of insidious duplicity and gaslighting that his boss displayed is far too common in the world today; I'm dealing with it at a familial level - with my own mother - it has taken years if not decades off my life.
@beeheart6324
11 ай бұрын
And yes, they are often completely incompetent! Well done for leaving!!
@beeheart6324
11 ай бұрын
It's very important to talk about, if you can, but it's most important get out there fast!!
@indrinita
11 ай бұрын
So sorry you got caught up in such an abusive, gaslighting situation! I myself got out of a toxic work environment earlier this year and have just started a new job in Berlin as of Friday. Crossing my fingers that it works out this time. But I needed to take a three month break in between just to recover from my previous employment misadventures. Wishing you all the best in your channel and other career pursuits! I appreciate you speaking out about this. So often, the business world is full of all sorts of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths in high positions.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Congratulations and fingers crossed for you with the new job. Very interesting to hear that you also took a break. Sometimes that is the best thing you can do.
@OmarBaassiri-wd6wc
11 ай бұрын
@@britingermanyI consider myself a sociopath. Most people I know disagree. The sociopath's dilemma isn't consistency. It's consistency in remaining consistent. You eventually find yourself talking to a robot who CAN rationalise if and when he chooses. The much rarer breed are the sociopaths who see evil a mile away but who are conscious enough of the benefits of self-restraint not to engage - and consequently - entertain and become entrained by evil. I appreciate your honesty. 🤲
@chriskerr4961
11 ай бұрын
More people should be made aware of narcissistic abuse in the workplace hopefully this video will help.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
I hope so too as I think it is way too common.
@Clint945
10 ай бұрын
This is true in far more than just the corporate and business world. I worked for a sociopathic couple in a previous academic post. They did everything you described, and I worked for them for 2 years before finally telling them exactly how horrible they were and leaving. I spent most of my time helping the PhD students who were all being bullied, harrassed, overworked, and generally abused. Much like your case the sociopathic couple would pit the students against eachother and gaslight them into believing falsehoods. They didn't have the luxury of leaving like I did. Since then myself and another academic have been smuggling the remaining students out and getting them postings elsewhere as much as we can. I have also been sharing the incriminating emails, meeting records, and personal text messages sent to me and others from the couple with their collaborators. It takes more than just leaving. To root these people out they need to be actively shown as the villains that they are to their contemporaries.
@angelaramsay1778
10 ай бұрын
It is extremely difficult to be as strong as a sociopath/ psychopath because we are restrained by our moral boundaries, whereas they are not. We have some advantages but being around them is incedribly draining on every level. Be well B I G x
@annebraun581
11 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for that heartfelt video. My thoughts on that topic: manipulative people are essentially playing a game, a game YOU CANNOT win basically. Whatever you do you are always on the losing end… the only thing you can do is stop playing „their“ game by stepping away from it. Well done to you for feeling all that and gaining clarity afterwards. Some people are never able to see behind a manipulative behaviour and struggle all their lives. Essentially you are made to feel that YOU are wrong or something is wrong with you and if you believe that feeling then it can really get into a viscous cycle. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal and incredible vulnerable topic! Cheers, Anne
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for your kind words Anne. They are very helpful 🙏
@annebraun581
9 ай бұрын
@@britingermany❤
@gnollio
10 ай бұрын
I learned a long time ago to never take anything business related too seriously. Having a strict work environment is fine, I can even handle emotional people, but if you attempt to intimidate or humiliate me I will laugh and walk away. This is why it’s very important to have 3-4 months of living expenses in savings, lack of financial security is a common reason why people allow others to treat them inappropriately. If you know you can leave and look for other work easily, it provides a great deal of comfort and self-confidence.
@StateoftheMatrix
10 ай бұрын
There's a difference between a sociopath and a psychopath. As far as feeling not strong enough to stand up to them, the problem is asymmetrical warfare and their inherent ability to take it to the next level without compunction, whereas it would literally traumatise the rest of us. In order to stand up to them, you have to be essentially an expert in tactics and strategy with a robust capacity to avoid the traumatic assault on the senses. Barely anyone can do it, and most need to be able to recognise the signs early so that they can extricate themselves ASAP or isolate themselves and reduce contact if at all possible. The only way we can win is to learn as much as we can about their modus operandi, character traits and tactics and strategies and learn how to identify them ASAP like they do their victims, and don't be swayed by normies who will deny it when you tell them who you're all dealing with. You may only be able to save yourself....
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Yes. The hardest thing was that it was no clear cut. Sometimes I got on with her very well and she seemed perfectly rational and empathetic and at other times it was the complete opposite.
@barrybark3995
11 ай бұрын
taking up running was the springboard that gave me the mental strength to leave my sociopath, i lived homeless for a while afterwards but loved the freedom
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
That must have been a very difficult decision. I hope things worked out for you in the end
@milyrouge
10 ай бұрын
I've had this twice in my career with all the classic behaviours (being nice in private but undermining in pubic, changing their mind from one meeting to the next and flatly denying in front of 20 people that they had, mind games playing people off against each other, supporting the yes men but having melt downs with those who even mildly stuck to their guns). It was a horrible experience and one which nobody should live through. You did the right thing: It's not quitting, it's recognising that you're in a no-win, toxic situation where you'd be insane to stay. Now, when I am considering a new role, I'm hyper alert about avoiding this sort of manager. Thanks so much for sharing this!
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for your insights. It will be the number one thing I look out for when entering into new relationships and I will definitely be keeping those kind of people at arms length
@neilfazackerley7758
11 ай бұрын
I had a similarly dreadful manager once who was a total narcissist. It was all about her rather than the team and the work and blamed others for things that went round, rather than looking at her own actions. Totally power crazy and manipulative. Some of the things she did seem to be a bit like the ones your boss did. Best thing to do is get out.
@Stoffmonster467
11 ай бұрын
I had three of them so far. Some are bosses because they're not able to work in a team.
@barbsmart7373
10 ай бұрын
@@Stoffmonster467 Thanks for your comment. I have thought a lot about narcissists in 2 generations in my family. They seem to be the partners of some of us who are very amicable, meek or who like to fit in. We are also compassionate people and aren't great on having strong boundaries. I am only just now thinking about the fact that at work they can't work with others. One doesn't work. One strongly didn't want to have a boss. One was the boss. I heard he treated his workers very badly. Now I will add this trait to list of signs to look out for. The best way to avoid getting caught up with narcs is to be discerning, and to be aware of what to look out for. As everyone here seems to know, caught up with one, can be the most harrowjng, nightmarish ride of life time. Boundaries are crucial from the very outskirt. I can see clearly why many bosses can be narcs.
@dittikke
11 ай бұрын
That inner dialogue you had was correct, IMO. It isn't weak to walk away when there is no other way forward, it's the only sensible and logical thing to do, and it is taking back control of the situation. That boss needed you there, and needed you passive and docile, and you said "Nope, I'm not taking any more of this" and went. She lost. Many get ground down so far in their self-worth that they think they must be thankful just to have this job. So leaving is exactly that, taking back control. Takes a while to get over it, though.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot for your kind words 😀
@nohandlebarmtb
11 ай бұрын
My first employer in Germany was the craziest experience I have ever had. Micromanagement, overwork, high pressure, passive -aggressive emails, fear and even privacy violation are among the things I experienced in this small IT consulting company in Bayern. Employees did not last much unless you subjugated to their stile of work, which did not happen much tbh.After being assigned to a nice client for 7 months, when I had to come back to the office I had a breakdown /burn-out which lasted over 5 months. i felt bad I was like this and on a positive note, I received Krankendgeld. I am glad I have payed that back to society while working not stop after with another employer Working in Germany can be the craziest experience if you have bad luck
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
So sorry to hear that. The main thing is to realise that it's not you. Some whither where others thrive and the best thing is to move on and find the environment where you can thrive 😀
@oliverlondon5246
11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing and sorry you had to experience this. I think your analysis is spot on and you did the right thing
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot Oliver.
@LJinx3
11 ай бұрын
I’ve worked in an abusive environment like that. You try everything but it’s never good enough. You feel constantly stressed/unwell/unbalanced, but you can’t put your finger on it until after you leave, so you never realise you are in a toxic environment. What saved me was covid - wfh meant time away from her clutches (and oh boy did she not like that, but she quickly learnt new ways to upset me) and eventually I got culled in a lay off and I could not be happier. It’s weird, I spoke to an old mutual colleague (who had also left) and told her honestly what happened, but she just couldn’t believe it and I suspect she thought I was just a problem employee. These bullies are really clever like that, they target people, but treat others very well. No one suspects or indeed believes the one lone voice which upends their perceived reality of that person.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Yes o think that is a common outcome as not everyone has the same experience
@mh1066
10 ай бұрын
It is you.
@Marewig
10 ай бұрын
Effective bullies do have an instinct to identify which people with particular vulnerabilities make them the best victims, and which won't. So, yeah, I suspect that's what happened to you. I'm not going to easily say I disbelieve you, because I've seen it happen from the sidelines. Where I thought I simply had a hard/demanding boss, and yet one of my friends/colleagues broke down and cry at one point from them. Now, I'd know better to actively try to interfere/help, but when I was younger, I have no experience with that at all.
@LJinx3
10 ай бұрын
@@Marewig good on you for trying to help! I was bullied when younger so I absolutely do have a weakness and they’re so good at pushing the buttons! Honestly the only way to deal with this kind of thing is to remain silent and leave. It’s the only thing that works. Any other course of action leads to trouble.
@LJinx3
10 ай бұрын
@@britingermany agreed. There is a reason why the bully always remains and the victim leaves.
@phoenix.
10 ай бұрын
Today is my first day of unemployment after 18 years. What you described is 99% what I went through. I fought and managed to win the battle on the one hill I choose to die on,at expense of continuing to work there. I agree that people should look to leave as soon as possible, but I would also encourge them to report all the instances of sociopathic behavior. Take care! ❤
@phoenix.
10 ай бұрын
Btw you earned a new subscriber. Your video showed up in my feed yesterday. Synchronicity! 😊
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
well congratulations are in order then. It is a tremendously difficult step to take and one I would only reccomend after all other options have been exhausted. It sounds like you did that so well done. All the best for you
@fmleverynameistakenx
10 ай бұрын
I worked in a volunteer sex project for a international med school organisation. Once i led the project, me and my team did good work - until one of them got more and more unhinged. We all let her be because of all her sob stories, with which she explained away her character deficiencies ("having cancer" being one of them). Once i resigned, she came fully mask off - but since she had lots of money from her rich family to travel around, she had great international connections and orchestrated lies about me and my coworkers. Against my warnings, she was able assume my position and bleed everyone dry who worked under her, while being able to further network. Noone believed me, and when I tried to advocate for a friend who suffered sexual assualt, harassment, hate speech, bullying and even a SWAT call, i was ignored by the international boards. Those people at the same time will turn arpund and do reports about how the organisation fights against discrimination. These are the types of people who will be our future hospital admins and public health leaders. Fun times.
@benbrown9377
11 ай бұрын
This sounds like a nightmare situation! You definitely did the right thing by leaving.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Didn't feel like it at the time but in retrospect it definitely was the best thing to do
@Stoffmonster467
11 ай бұрын
You can't improve such a situation, this kind of character will never change.
@calgarycanada248
11 ай бұрын
Dude... your story is my story. Walking away, if one can, is THE only answer with a sociopath. Unfortunately, I did have "The Nervous Breakdown" and became ill as a result.... it all ended with the company putting me on long term disability until I turn 65. EVERYTHING you describe is true and is a TYPICAL tale working with a sociopath. It is a confusing work environment and it's difficult for others who haven't dealt with one to fully understand. The insurance company and my employer treated me like a maggot after I just up and walked away from the office on one afternoon when I could not take it anymore. IT is one of THE most physically painful experiences in my life. Ultimately, 'the boss' finally got sacked after two years but that was no condolence to me. When you said " You could write a book.... man, I hear you dude. All I can say is " I GOT OUT ALIVE".
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for commenting that sounds tragic, I think I got out at just the right time, thank god! I hope you are in a better place now🙏
@calgarycanada248
11 ай бұрын
To tell the truth.... I don't know where I'd be without my family's love who got me to ' that better place '. But thank YOU for the honest, well spoken video so well describing these workplaces and their effects on employees. BTW, enjoying your channel with a keen insight on cultural observations.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
@@calgarycanada248 that’s great that you have a loving family to rely on. So important on difficult times
@Crackalacking_Z
11 ай бұрын
Being 100% transparent among coworkers usually takes away the means of control and manipulation. It somewhat helps to regain posture.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Agreed…but those were the side stories and tangents I left out…the coworkers were also not easy
@annaandrea8320
11 ай бұрын
What if your coworkers are a bunch of enablers? What if their only concern is just to survive?
@Born.Toulouse
11 ай бұрын
You did exactly the right thing: In the working world, there is no other option than to quit if you have a boss with a narcissistic or psychopathic personality disorder and want to stay mentally healthy yourself. And please don't tell yourself you're weaker than she is. Personality disorders like the ones you describe are essentially mental disabilities: Such people are unable to assess themselves realistically, unable to recognize the value of others, and unable to perceive anything larger than themselves. They are therefore unable to form truly sustainable interpersonal relationships. Your handling of the situation shows that you can do all of this very well. Which of you is stronger?
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot for your kind words. 🙏
@justanotherpiccplayer3511
11 ай бұрын
I was bullied at uni by my best friend who just like,,, turned almost overnight, and yeah I transferred universities, one of the best decisions Ive ever made. They were very good with words and very manipulative like you were saying with having to sit in on every meeting to help people say tricky things, this person would only talk to me in a Facebook group chat as long as a 3rd person was present so they could spin whatever and there would be "a witness". Honestly felt like being a flies in a spiders web except only I could see the web
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Yes it is horrid, especially if no one else sees it. Great that you could transfer Uni. I guess that was not an easy process. Well done
@justanotherpiccplayer3511
11 ай бұрын
@@britingermanyand same to you leaving your job 💪
@teen-at-heart
11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing! I, too, think to leave such a situation is taking back control, empowering yourself and therefore not “weak”. I hope very much that the other team members left as well or are leaving in the coming years. Maybe an extremely high turnover can make HR and the upper echelons see that she is not a good manager / head of a team and reassign her.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching. Yes I believe things have changed there now
@Hongaars1969
11 ай бұрын
Your soft spoken honesty is one of greatest attractions. I highlight one point from the first minute of your presentation where you said something about “not being sure”. Simply try to never ignore your “gut instinct”. If something feels “wrong”, then it most likely is. Your gut instinct is protective. Look after yourself. I speak from similar experience within the Australian public health hospital system where directors and managers were also sociopathic.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot and I agree. The head often takes over.
@Donna.Walmsley101
11 ай бұрын
I’m in Australia too and had this sort of experience with the managers in the public education system … disgusting.
@erzsebetkovacs2527
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for this. As you say, sociopaths are almost primed to fulfill leadership positions and they are frighteningly good at manipulating the people who would have the power to fire them.
@sooozannah33
10 ай бұрын
Unfortunately, my experience with work place bullying is that when it happens you're usually going to find that you're on your own. Coworkers display cowardice and will often abandon you in case they become a target and 'higher ups' will often just label you a troublemaker. The only sane response is to walk away. workplace cultures like this survive and thrive because they are being supported to do so. Thinking that you can change an entire workplace culture is a fools errand and will only result in getting hurt, frustrated and more deeply entrenched - like an animal caught in a net, thrashing about wildly and only becoming more entangled and exhausted. I think the irony is that when we 'give up' trying and accept the situation for what it is and accept our powerlessness over the situation and others, that we access our true power - to observe our emotions without judgement and be detached from them, to not internalise other peoples behaviour and treatment of us and to remove ourselves from damaging situations. I also don't think its fair to say that this woman was stronger than you, she sounds like she was devoid of empathy and it's amazing how 'strong' someone can be when they're unencumbered with emotions and conscience. You really don't want that type of 'strength'.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Well said. Can totally identify with that 😀
@psychonaut689
27 күн бұрын
My supervisor, who previously had written a glowing testimonial, aligned himself with the bully, and damned me on an internal report. I only know this as the service manager showed me the transcript of this report. He didn't know this and pretended to be still on my side, advising me to look after myself, before he left. Proper snake that one.
@nette4307
11 ай бұрын
As ALWAYS a very good video - thank so much for posting it! Toward the end of the video, you stated that you "weren't strong enough" to deal with your sociopathic boss. Short, sweet and really brutally put: the fool proof personality trait when you have to deal with a sociopath is probably being a sociopath yourself. Which you so obviously are not. Kudos to you for leaving the mindbogglingly toxic situation. You saved yourself from a nervous breakdown, and you chose to share your experience, thoughts and advice out here in the ether. Congratulations on your humanity and courage!
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for your kind words. That means a lot 🙏
@edwardshaw1211
10 ай бұрын
It's frightening how many people like this exist in the workplace, especially in the public sector. And once in a position of authority they become a protected class. I've worked in teams where staff have lodged new complaints about a narcissistic manager every week and HR do nothing despite preaching policies which claim to crack down on such behaviour. I've even heard of union reps rolling over when faced with cases against narcissistic/sociopathic managers for fear of winding up on blacklists themselves. These individuals ultimately destroy every organisation they're a part of yet it continues unabated. As you say, the only way to take back power is to walk away. Nothing wounds a narcissist more than taking their "toys" away
@elfoxy1997
11 ай бұрын
I think that's all you can do really a lot of the time when dealing with people like that, walk away and avoid their games/create space elsewhere for yourself where you don't have to be subject to their abuse, or just silently collect evidence, because they are very good at convincing everyone one little incident didn't happen or they're seeing it wrong, it's a very sad society that allows people like this to thrive but all we can do is stay out of their clutches because they will try to crush anyone who stands against them. I'm currently living with what I feel to be a sociopath and they've only revealed their true colours recently, it's difficult to process and they're very good at making you doubt yourself and your concerns while making themselves out to be friendly, I'd rather just have someone insult me or punch me. I'm just keeping out of drama and avoiding their games until I can move out 😅
@dixieflatline1189
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing. People with personality disorders are apparently 2 in every 100 people. I have met a couple professionally over the years, with a common trait - triangulation is the key to their mind games / control. If I see this in peers or leadership now I use anon feedback tools / group meetings to build consensus + record & change manage everything. Even the most disciplined of lizard brains can’t keep the facade up once drama & bad decisions can be pinned on them. In smaller / hierarchical teams I would recommend getting out asap. Unfortunately, until most normal people have a really bad 1st experience - how could we ever be prepared for the drama / insanity of these fractured fake people. “In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” Oscar Wilde
@JosifovGjorgi
11 ай бұрын
that is why most people want WFH - everything has a trace and most drama queens can't work in such environments
@nonsequitor
11 ай бұрын
Thanks for sharing. The illusion that serious abuse doesn't happen in 'modern' workplaces is wide-spread. So is polarity....thanks for the neutrality. Having seen both "classic" stereotypical male corruption and bullying of female staff, bullying by male union cliques, and also organization wide dysfunction caused by sociopathic very senior females building their own structures of abuse - all at the same time in the same organization - it deeply saddens me that debate over this is so often divisive group based us vs them rhetori😢
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
It really is a tricky subject. Especially as it’s never black and white. Thanks can improve for a time which is just enough to give hope before the manipulation starts again.
@miniki...
11 ай бұрын
Wow, you have my utmost respect!! Greetings from an Austrian, who just wanted to improve her English with your channel and found a genuine great human heart and mind. How you dealt with this situation… Wish I had this courage, such situations can be destroying… Keep it up & thank you!
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you and hopefully you can improve your English at the same time 😀
@beatus7251
11 ай бұрын
Though depending on ones own personality, I think the work environment and especially the social work climate is the single most important thing which qualifies as a do or drop mark for any job. In my opinion at least it is far easier to stay in a job where your wages is not optimal but the boss and co-workers are great and social people, establishing a real team spirit, than having to work in an environment, where you earn a ton of money but you get emotionally and psychologically traumatized (e.g. bullied) day in, day out. Realizing that you are bound to crumble under such circumstances and mustering the strength and courage to leave is no small feat! In the end, what are you working for? Money? Yea, money is nice, but you surely won't like to have nothing from it, because you are mentally broken, right? In the end your job is not your life and your life is what counts. No money in the world is worth it to end up as a well situated (or even filthy rich) but deeply depressed and brolen person. Well done, my friend! It takes a lot of strenght and courage to walk out of a situation where you cannot win!
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
That is exactly the conclusion that I came to. Money was of course a factor that I considered but at the end of the day what you said is exactly right. It's useless if you are too broken to use it.
@AallthewaytoZ2
11 ай бұрын
The description of the person suggests they were a psychopath not a sociopath. Glad you survived and have perspective. Thank you for taking the time to share your insights and wisdom with others.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching 🙏
@loc4725
11 ай бұрын
I've worked with (I suspect) both a sociopath and psychopath. The main difference seems to be that the sociopath actually feels emotion, if weakly. He actually cared about some people even if the relationships end up being transient. The psychopath on the other hand was more like an emotional abyss; nothing really fazed him and it was only his lazyness and visible contempt for others which stopped him from climbing the corporate ladder.
@tancreddehauteville764
11 ай бұрын
@@loc4725 Yes, sociopaths basically dislike people in general, but they will be close to their nearest and dearest. A psychopath, on the other hand, would sell his grandmother if the price was good enough.
@YevOnegin
11 ай бұрын
@@tancreddehauteville764 You're just making stuff up now. Psychology as a practice doesn't even have a diagnosis or definition for "psychopathy", and outside of a few quacks writing pop-culture books on the subject, there is no evidence that it even exists.
@CanwegetSubscriberswithn-cu2it
11 ай бұрын
@@loc4725 That's not true according to current research. Current beliefs are that psychopaths have control over their empathy, that they can switch it on and off as needed.
@EE12CSVT
11 ай бұрын
I had a malignant narc as a CEO in recent years. I made her realise from the start that I had seen through her, and as a result she couldn't manipulate. She departed in a hurry some time later, a "real Jekyll and Hyde" character as others told me. Yes, I could see it from the start.
@mortenovergaard7397
11 ай бұрын
it almost seems like most of the psycho managers in business are women, right? Insane..
@bessyisyourbestieforever3164
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. I think having these conversations more openly and more often can bring about change. You did the absolute right thing by leaving. That is not a quitting, in my opinion it's winning by setting a personal boundary and saying no to being in a toxic environment. There are many great work environments out there and I am sure as you start another endeavour you will look back and think that it was the right thing to do.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for your kind words. I think many of us do find it difficult to set boundaries. Everyone has to do it in their own way
@user-pf6ve1jx6p
10 ай бұрын
You were holding so much in that team, don’t underestimate how much good you did while you were there. Your presence and awareness of reality, of this disconnect in this pathological individual, will have unconsciously created a sense of safety for others. You set the ultimate example of self care when you walked away, knowing you could not give anymore without permanently damaging yourself. This story is so human and compassionate. Your take away from the experience, which it took time to process and land, is on the money too, you were far from weak, you were incredibly strong. Thank you for sharing.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for your kind words. That means a lot🙏
@Steeler-wg5zo
11 ай бұрын
I went through something similar. When your boss 'bathes' in his aftershave every morning, acts out his choleric fits on almost everyone, and the only thing he doesn't have is 'clue' (and an awful lot of it), you really should 'in den Sack hauen' as soon as possible. I also did everything right many years ago.
@hansfranz6989
11 ай бұрын
Wow. Old feelings and fears come back to me. I went through the same hell 15 years ago. I was lucky enough to be able to talk to old colleagues at a Christmas market meeting and get a tip about vacancies in the company that exactly matched my profile. I used a short vacation for a job interview and liked it. Since the works council in the receiving company had to approve this, I asked the new manager to keep quiet until the final decision was made. I had noticed how the psychopathic manager of a colleague used her connections on the board and local works council to thwart his attempt to apply for a job. In the case of the colleague, corporate HR simply withdrew the job advertisement, even though the receiving works council had already approved it. I was lucky that my works council met in the last week of the year and I had the written confirmation of the new employment contract in my hands on the first working day of the new year. My boss literally threw her face backwards when I informed her the next day that I was leaving the next week.
@Dani68ABminus
11 ай бұрын
I'm so sorry you got caught up in this person's sinister games. I grew up in a family system like the one you encountered at work. Knowledge is key to move on. For anyone interested, I have the following book recommendations: Snakes in Suits by Robert Hare, Ph.D. and Paul Babiak, Ph.D., Without Conscience by Robert Hare, Ph.D., and The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, Ph.D.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot for your recommendations. I can only imagine what it must be like to grow up with that. All the best
@eadweard.
11 ай бұрын
Can co-recommend all 3 :)
@EE12CSVT
11 ай бұрын
Sociopathy is embedded in the corporate world in the west, not just in senior management but in consultancy as well.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Unfortunately I think there’s a lot of truth in that
@thespectator1243
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this! I am sorry you had to go through all of this. But as the saying goes: "What does not kill us makes us stronger", I have a feeling you came out of this situation on top. Actually on top of your former boss. I hope some of the other employees can learn from your example. I have no idea if you still are in contact (with the other employees), and you should not disclose this in front of us; especially in case your former boss knows about your KZitem-Channel, in which case another round of gaslighting will be dished out by her, I presume. Again, thanks for sharing your story. I think you are braver then you think you are. :)
@IhsanMujdeci
10 ай бұрын
This is very interesting, I'll be on the lookout for this. These tactics coming from higher ups are very difficult to deal with as they hold the power. I have been using a "tactic" of "you hired me for my expertise, I will be giving you what I think is best without fear". This tends to cut through SOME bs and the person of authority doesn't have complete control and yes men around them. Also I have observed people who are bad at their jobs sometimes resort to these political plays. In one case I observed an individual who ONLY did political plays and that was interesting. So much energy invested into it where if they focussed that effort on their jobs they wouldn't need to be so political.
@user-bj4cu7uu5k
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video, I really needed to hear this tonight. I walked away from a toxic work environment. acouple of weeks ago and have beating myself up abouit it ever since. Essentially, blaming it on me and not being "tough enough". However, given this company's rapid turnover rate of staff I have rationalised that it wasn't just me and I'm just not so good at clocking thes kinds of situations as I thought. Wishing you all the best from Prague with whatever you do next!
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
So glad I reached you and we’ll done for walking away. It feels like failure in the moment but given time it will seem like the best decision you ever made. Good luck with your new start👍🏻
@user-bj4cu7uu5k
11 ай бұрын
Thank you :)@@britingermany
@sandra8991
25 күн бұрын
Thank you for speaking up here about your experience. It opened a place in which people can share their experience and it feels comforting not to be alone with this experience. I changed jobs a lot and had more bad than good experiences. Having a position of power over someone is very delicate and it makes such a huge difference how this is filled. I also took a break lately after a job with a supervisor who was mentally damaging for me.
@rideroftheweek
10 ай бұрын
I had an experience many years ago where a sociopath poisoned everyone in the company against me. It got to the point that I simply sent out a company wide email saying there it had come to my attention that an individual had been talking shit to everyone behind my back and if they had the guts they could come confront me in person. Well this sent the whole company into a tailspin and earned me a visit from the CEO. I explained the situation and he asked what I thought he should do. I suggested a company meeting. Well, at that meeting the individual was called out (not by me) and he absolutely EXPLODED. He went on a tirade accusing me of everything under the sun. We almost came to blows in the end. But after that it became very apparent that he had been doing this to a great number of coworkers. He was never quite the same again. Nothing was ever done to me. I was never reprimanded or punished in any way.
@sinovuyobudaza7167
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for your story. I worked for someone who is every similar to your former employer. I left after enduring a lot abuse and I also struggled with the idea of quitting, it really ate me up. But you're right when you say that you have to rewrite the story. Like you I had to walk away from an abusive work place for my own sake.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Well done! And I wish you all the best for the next step 😀
@philhob4317
10 ай бұрын
Yes, this heavily traumatized and destroyed my trust after working 20 years in the corporate world. And the higher you went up the ladder the worse it got. Pure evil Thank you for reminding me
@xelakram
11 ай бұрын
I am so sorry that you have had to live through this harrowing experience. Thankfully, it is behind you now. Under no circumstances should you beat yourself up about leaving there. You did the right thing. Life is far too short to put up with such intolerable behaviour. Don’t look back; instead, look forward! Look forward to the bright future which awaits you! 👍🏻
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Beautiful words my dear, and my exact sentiment 😀
@xelakram
11 ай бұрын
@@britingermany 🌹
@LouDeVere
27 күн бұрын
Thank you very much for your story. I too am going through difficult times and wonder if I am dealing with a similar situation. Good on you for getting to the bottom of it and doing the right thing by walking away.
@jomancao2341
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience and the lessons you learned. Hope you are in a better place now. I can relate to all you said experiencing now the struggle to overcome the manifold negative repercussions of working in a toxic workplace and with sociopaths for managers. Wishing you all the best in the future.
@em945
11 ай бұрын
Good on you for your efforts and for courage to walk away. I have had to deal with a new grandiose narcissistic neighbour . If I had not seen this pathology in action I would never have believed it. The only blessing is a compassion for all faced with similar difficult situations. They are not on a normal spectrum. There are no winners. Even the disordered ones. Really wishing you well with future endeavours.
@sam12587
11 ай бұрын
People like the gal described I this video are why a small indescreet body cam is on my list of things to incorporate in my wardrobe.
@michaelburggraf2822
11 ай бұрын
Good morning Ben! That's a serious matter and I'm very grateful for that video. I think it's a matter which very often gets shoved aside by a technocratic understanding of professionalism. It seems to me that concepts like business culture or soft skills tend to fail when patterns of behaviour are evolving which are just pathologic.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Morning Michael. Yes building culture is not so easy but I do think it's the most important factor when it comes to job satisfaction. I think this is gaining more attention but there is still a long way to go
@CharlemagneProkopyshyn
11 ай бұрын
Wow, you have just described a few situations I've also found myself in. You're a very receptive person. Very brave of you to speak up and I really hope you find a great team to work with. You didn't do anything wrong in walking away. You know your boundaries and what you are willing to put up with. That is not weak. That takes courage and strength. You can never change these people. They will bring you down so it's best to walk away. That is what I have done. Have a lovely weekend, Ben!
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot Charlie. Same to you 😀
@ambraabate
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience clearly and plainly. I particularly appreciate how you have chosen to walk away, recognize that it takes courage and, more importantly, that you have extended your compassion (in the Buddhist meaning of the word) to yourself. It's one of the most precious lessons that the scorching encounter with a sociopath put one in the position to learn.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks so much for your kind words. It’s definitely an experience which taught me a lot
@barbsmart7373
11 ай бұрын
Thankyou Ben, so very much, for having the honesty, strength and compassion for yourself and others, to share your experience with others. Firstly, I would like to give my very strong view that you will hopefully agree with one day. I think once you understand the workings of narcissists and how they manage to become so incredibly dangerous. I know how reflective and positive you are, and I believe that one day you will see this as a very valuable experience for understanding yourself, others, the kind of society we live in, and how many significant leaders- past and present- managed to get into the powerful positions they have been hoisted in to. I particularly wanted you to become more aware of your own strength and personal power. Your strengths demonstrated in this one situation alone, include -giving something a go, although it wasn't your style - beginning from a place of trust - and of respect, fitting in with expectations, and supporting someone ( a woman) who is senior -being observant but seeing the positive side of the person -looking deeper, while perservering in a challenging position -supporting many colleagues who were victims of agonizing cruelty -being trusted by them - not turning away but looking for the truth - looking after your health & leaving - being brave enough to share your experience with others who may or may not be understanding towards you - having compassion for others regarding something " that might be more common than we think". The most dangerous narcissists are the ones who are in positions of power. They all have their supporters or flying monkeys to keep them in their positions of power. Trump is first equal in my mind right now, but history is full of them. The sneakiest narcisssists are covert ones who are not easy to spot at first. I quickly recognized this woman as a narc becouse of her "lovebombing". This is serious manipulation. I also feel you were chosen for the job partly for your amicability, warmth, goodwill and respect. To me, you are a real English gentleman. Her lack of empathy showed up almost immediately as well. The extraordinary level of distress among human beings that the woman has a duty of care towards is disturbing, and quite typical of a narcissists domain of power & control. Something I have concluded in life is that wherever there is confusion ( like there) there is almost always bullshit. I am staggered by how often this rings true. This woman is NOT a strong woman at all. She is callous, heartless, cruel, powerhungry, manipulative, exploitative, mentally and spiritually very, very unhealthy, is totally dependent on the twisted, entwined support from others. Her typically narcissistic charisma is a tool used for such manipulation. Her false persona is so typically narcissistic, it is unreal. When anyone here discovers a narcissist, which most goodhearted people do, they will discover a controlling, powerhungry, cruel person with a false persona involving attractive qualities. Here is my main point. These people, like her, are the opposite of a truthful, reflective, kindhearted, amicable (strong, integrous) person like yourself. Actually people like us are targetted by narcissists, because we are so understanding and motivated to get on harmoniously with others, to help create the precise kind of unhealthy environment you innocently walked in to. With a bit of research and awareness, but hopefully not too much excruciating experience, people here will understand that narcs are very weak. They are fake- incapable of authenticity and NOTHING like yours, Ben. They need others more than we need them!!!! They have no humility, and would never be capable of looking honestly at themselves. In fact, that is a telling sign that you are likely dealing with a narc. The greatest fear of hers/ theirs is to have their mask pulled off, as their lives revolve around on their false image. The fear that can never be confronted- that is their true selves, is really massive. It's as if their lives depend on it. (Childhood dysfunction). These weak people cannot be honest with themselves, let alone anyone else. No courage, no strength, no ability to be vulnerable or authentic. The twisted bullshit in that workplace is huge. One red flag in my mind would be the money/ profit focus as opposed to the genuine regard for the workers at every level. The advise always given regarding narcs is simple. "RUN". What isn't apparent in this reflection is "narcissistic rage". It is great that you got out Ben, and that you haven't pulled off the woman's mask publicly or even where she operates her web of misery. Narc rage is a real, real thing. And it happens to the truthtellers. You are amazing. And beautiful. And courageous. And caring. And damned strong. I am being honest!! Regarding the future- this kind of person is a serious threat to mental health for family members or partners. You will be more discerning now than the more innocent version of good that you were. Narcs are everywhere. Our society rewards them.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you very much for your kind words. Yes I have come around to your way of thinking and I won’t be falling into that trap again an time soon
@MatW1lson
11 ай бұрын
Just had to comment on the subscriber count is currently at 9.99k…. So, Happy 10k! 🎉
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks so much 😀🎉🎉
@lliamjurdom9505
11 ай бұрын
Wow the fact you came out of that sticky power struggle and are able to reflect on it with confidence and wisdom must be incredibly empowering ... that type of skill is sought after ... good fortune in your continued career.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot Liam
@ciganyweaverandherperiwink6293
10 ай бұрын
What fascinates me (and leaves me in frustration and despair) is how childlike and simple most adults awareness of bullying is. It's very cartoonish where the villains and 'innocents' all present in the way we've been conditioned to recognise, thanks to cartoons, fables, books, TV shows, movies and so on. It's never that simple. TRUE bullying has evolved to a real artform in our current era and it's nowhere near as easy to boldly identify these days. A bully can have a terrific sense of humour, be a master of controlling emotional climate in a workplace etc and know how to charm and entertain. People just become mesmerised and totally taken in by them, but then it's too late and they've got you under their mastery and control and it's hard to untangle oneself and cleanse the environment and greater dynamic, if that makes any sense. I'm tired of the TRUE villains getting away with monstrous behaviour, both online and off whilst presenting as SJWs or other butter-wouldn't-melt type. It's very sophisticated behaviour increasingly supported by a greater social superstructure and I find it all despicable. Big Tech, our cultural intelligentsia and even our legal system here in the West just goes after all the wrong people, all the wrong cultural and social mechanisms and it's infuriating to behold the circus of injustice and nepotism.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Yes I agree that it is never good or bad. It's always so much more complex than that which is why making decisions and coming to conclusions often takes a bit of time...at least for me.
@ciganyweaverandherperiwink6293
10 ай бұрын
@@britingermany I think you've got what's known as a 'winning personality'. You'll be just fine, if what I've read and heard so far is anything to go by. Please keep posting here, I love being open to considering everything you share so generously and candidly. 💖
@TD-rx4sl
8 ай бұрын
Very well said thank you
@davidjrb
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. Very well articulated and framed. For example to understate how it's not possible to understand the situation in the moment. I've never experienced this first hand, but feel like I understand your position. Well done taking care of yourself. Good luck and take care
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for your kind words 🙏
@zfid
10 ай бұрын
Just want to add my voice of support to the many others in this comment section. I ruined my career by helping a borderline sociopath start a company and supported him and the company for years and years. As you have described, being put in impossible situations, manipulated and undermined by a skillful, and subtle individual is something that takes a long time to understand. Like you, I felt a great deal of failure when I left, as if I had let them down! My god! In hindsight, it has taken a long long time to rebuild and come to terms with how damaging some people can be My sincerest best wishes for you in the future
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
It’s a toughie isn’t it. But it sounds like you come out the other side of it in one piece. Well done!
@dianahuang4991
10 ай бұрын
I had one of those and she was awfully abusive and lies like it’s absolutely nothing. After a very very long time she was eventually fired but she even lied then! She had to sign a paper said she has been informed about her dismissal and she said she had to go to the bathroom first then she just ran away without signing. I think it got her more pay or something… it was an awful and insane experience… she also said she had cancer and then said she was suicidal but also said if we said anything she’ll fire us immediately… she kept on getting manager jobs…
@amanda7549
11 ай бұрын
Good morning! Always take care of yourself….Dealing with psycho co-workers is exhausting.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Good morning and thank you Amanda :.)
@gaelleflorack3630
10 ай бұрын
I left my sociopathic boss 3 years ago. Quitting was NOT a failure. My actual failure was that I should have left way earlier...
@TenTenJ
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience. I see so many traits in common with you. I an a sensitive artist working as a designer and I have continually attracted people like this into my work life. I am resolved to listen to pause at any red flags early on. I walked away last week from such a client as you describe here. It will take effort to be on guard, as I am open to help by nature. May you be blessed and may we move on to higher, better horizons. 🙌
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks so much for your kind words 😀
11 ай бұрын
Good decision. Yes, it takes courage. Cudos. And thanks for sharing.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks you for your kind words
@dhruva8106
11 ай бұрын
the slight head-tilt and your voice really make this channel amazing to listen to!
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Glad you enjoy it! Thank you
@DethWench
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you kept your head about you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
@graemethelaw
10 ай бұрын
BEEN THERE. Had a breakdown. Chinned them the next time I saw him. Felt great.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Oh dear! I really do hope you’ve recovered now
@hendeltaweel8436
11 ай бұрын
Moin dear Brit in Germany, and greetings from Cairo again :) It is mind blowing how relatable your experience is... I was on the verge of losing my sanity dealing with one of those (with the exact typical traits: sweet façade on the outside, nasty tactics of praising the team in public, then in one-on-ones divide and conquer, so the entire team hate one another). I do agree that in the end we feel defeated, and we have a sense that we failed since we couldn't withstand in the battlefield to the end, but you know what, my only solace is that I know by heart that these personas are miserable !!!! They lead a life that is so miserable that they hate to see anyone living in peace or functioning in a healthy harmonious entourage. I'm glad you found your way out, because indeed, this work environment could take a serious toll on your entire well-being.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Sorry to hear you had a similar experience but nice to hear I’m not the only one😉.
@manwiththeredface7821
11 ай бұрын
Not sure if sociopath or "just" a narcissist but my then-boss 5-6 years ago wanted me (an experienced employee more or less familiar with my managers' paperworks) to "report" on managers above me and below her if their paperwork wasn't done correctly (this was on her 2nd day with us, so good start...). She could have easily checked these things herself. She brought another employee to us who seemed kind of fake but friendly and all I could think of after her request was "what if this employee is reporting to her about us, or me...". A year later that same new employee was about to be promoted so I might have been on point. My boss would openly berate people for things that weren't their fault. She'd promise things and then later deny she ever made those promises. If she picked on you there was no way of you staying. She picked on one of the managers who was a good guy and asked me questions about him that made me clear: she wants to frame him for something, anything. She'd lie constantly and once people knew her enough they started leaving. ONLY when our lack of employees affected our profits (meaning: we had to close for certain time periods, figuratively leaving money on the table) did the area manager actually demoted her and moved her somewhere else.
@doobiedootwo3517
11 ай бұрын
Great video, we all need to be aware of these people so we can protect ourselves from them. They hide in plain sight and can inflict serious emotional stress and damage on those around them. They are often extremely charming successful people, so for those of us who are insecure or otherwise at a vulnerable stage in our lives it is way too easy to get sucked in and indeed doubt ourselves. Well done for walking away, i feel sorry for her victims in the team.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you and totally agree. That’s why I felt compelled to talk about it
@theHoptimist383
11 ай бұрын
Congratulation, my dear brit, to 10.000 subscribers! Well deserved. 🎉🎉🎉
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thank you so much 😀🙏. I’m thinking of doing a Q&A (very original I know) to celebrate. I’ll write a post later 🎉😀
@nicorae84
10 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. 🙏🏻❤️ What a powerful video.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching
@Christopher-ws5ub
10 ай бұрын
Thanks for the video. I don't think she's stronger than you, as it sounds like you had the trust of the team, she didn't. If someone makes you feel bad or less, doesnt respect boundaries. Has a grandiose attitude and subscribes to a win/loss, they need you to lose for them to win mentality. Best to distance yourself and move away. Biggest thing is if you notive them slowly chipping away at your self esteem, leaving you with negative feelings. This always comes after they get you invested so it is hard for you to leave.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Thank you. It happens in subtle ways gradually over time which is why it’s difficult to catch and make a decision early on
@mr.t993
5 ай бұрын
Very healthy. I have been in the situation. Walking away is no defeat. In fact it takes more courage than staying. Leaving is taking control and realizing that you cannot win a rigged fight and health is more an important than anything. The best way to defeat a toxic opponent is not to fight. Never argue with an idiot, they will drag you to their level and beat you with experience.
@Fifty-sense
11 ай бұрын
You did the best thing possible to quit and walk away. That takes STRENGTH and courage. You need to congratulate yourself.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot. I'm getting there
@_helmi
10 ай бұрын
I’m just angry right now upon hearing your story because this takes me back to that situation where I- ugh Subscribed.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Well thanks for the follow. I did not want to make you angry though
@jedw9983
11 ай бұрын
Brit in Portugal here. Brilliant message and hugely appreciated.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Thanks a lot 🙏
@SoMuchOpinionIsNotKnowLedge
11 ай бұрын
Hi Ben, I came across a statement from a friend a while ago who explained the following in German: "Menschen kommen wegen dem Job, gehen aber wegen dem Management. (People come for the job, but leave for the management.)" That's unfortunately too often the reality.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Yes. We have a similar sentiment in English as well
@rebecculousrk
10 ай бұрын
It’s emotionally exhausting to deal with people like this, and the corporate culture can reward the behavior, promoting the charming manipulators into positions of power. They don’t get better, you can’t communicate the issues away or strategize them away because a personality disorder is a deep deep issue that would require years of therapy, or brutal life lessons, to change. You can only either determine to oust the problem, or walk away. If you’re determined to oust them, you will have to document every single interaction, cross reference every incident with colleagues, get management involved and possibly, be willing to be the target of that person. You have to be strategic, all while also doing your job, and attempting to maintain a healthy work-life balance. For some people, as you witnessed, it’s harder to resist or avoid the mind fuckery. These people are dangerous, glad you got out. Many people will encounter this and have no idea what they’re looking at.❤
@Jaime-eg4eb
11 ай бұрын
Here's my take. This is a world of predators and prey. Creatures eat one another both literally and figuratively. So that being the basic dynamic of the planet it's not surprising that the people who succeed on it are often the ones who are willing to oppress, enslave and generally harm others. It's not an absolute correlation, but in my experience the higher people are on the hierarchies of this world the worst they are morally. Doesn't mean anyone should be like that to succeed (since you are not obligated to follow the ways of this world), you just have to be aware of what kind of planet you find yourself on instead of believing false things you were taught to make you docile.
@yttrium220
10 ай бұрын
Been there, done that, nearly died. Fortunately the end result was that only last year 9 people quit. That’s about 40% of the team. My team was always wonderful and resilient despite inhumane pace and requirements, but enough is enough.
@the_exiled_soul
10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing. I experienced a similar situation and it took me too long to walk away, I finally did but it was at the cost. I needed almost a year to recover abd get my health back. I’m very happy for you that you walked away. I know how hard it is. To everyone there struggling and being stuck in a similar situation at work, sending you hugs and support. It’s not easy but it gets better once you are no longer a part of this toxic environment.
@britingermany
10 ай бұрын
Thanks so much and so glad you’ve recovered from it. The most important thing is what we learn from these experiences. All the best for you 🙏
@MsRedjay
11 ай бұрын
"Initially, I was not crazy about the idea". So important to trust your intuition!
@eadweard.
11 ай бұрын
Not sure how useful this is when our instincts are often wrong.
@MsRedjay
11 ай бұрын
@@eadweard. But I said intuition, not instinct... I think they're quite different? There's an element of insight or wisdom to intuition. Instinct is more reactive, thoughtless. Anyway, I only wrote that because I had a similar experience with a boss, something in me said "no" as soon as I met her, but then the rationalisation process kicked in, very similar to that described in the video. But that doubt was always there. I think sometimes we just know when something isn't right.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
Yes I think you have a point. Looking back it was a disaster from day one. Not just with her but the company in general. But I could only realise that with hindsight. At the time it was just a feeling that I didn't understand. But I'll be looking out for it in the future
@MsRedjay
11 ай бұрын
@@britingermany kinda hard to avoid these types if you're desperate for work, haha. But if you're in the position of being able to choose, then yes, walk away if it feels off. Same goes for all relationships. Although I think we can be a bit perverse, sometimes it feels like a test or challenge that we have to go through! 😂 (p.s. thanks for sharing, really good to shine a light on this. As you can tell from the comments it's far too prevalent in the working world!)
@angelafensom3878
11 ай бұрын
You were not weaker you are just a more empathic nicer person, I think I stayed in this situation as at first I knew I couldn't quite believe how horrible my boss really was they played mind games one minute,, and pitted people against each other to see the infighting and disunity among the team and then changed being so nice , also I have an autoimmune disease so they knew it would be difficult for me to change employment . In the end I opted for sanity, being poorer and having peace in my life , I never regretted it. PS sociopaths love empaths they feed on them I used to feel my boss would enjoy pulling the wings off of butterflies.
@britingermany
11 ай бұрын
That is very nasty! So glad you took that decision, same for me!
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