Narcissists aren't the only ones who get triggered. Victims of Narcissistic abuse have triggers too. A trigger is just a sign that some hot button issue has not been dealt with. The real sign of Narcissism is a lack of Empathy.
@Sarah-with-an-H
Күн бұрын
@@AffectionateSeaOtter narcissists tend to start out as victims. I'm not saying they aren't problematic, but their childhood experiences created it. Compassion can heal people in pain
@AffectionateSeaOtter
Күн бұрын
@@Sarah-with-an-H No it cannot. Compassion alone cannot heal. Healing requires a PERSONAL DECISION to CHANGE and starts with remorse and accountability i.e. acknowledging your own responsibility, something Narcissists are incapable of doing or understanding. They lack Empathy so they feel no Remorse either. And there is no such thing as personal accountability in their books because they set their own rules in life and make and break them as they please without regard for the consequences or impact on OTHERS.. And Narcissists don't START out as victims any more than the abused do and yet, NOT all abused individuals turn into Narcissists later in Life. You are trying very hard to find excuses for their behaviour. NO excuses will change them unfortunately.
@Sarah-with-an-H
Күн бұрын
@@AffectionateSeaOtter compassion heals compassion for yourself and people around you and the wisdom of knowing you can't change anyone but yourself if you want to. Understanding how an individual got that way can make a world of difference in perception because simply seeing somebody as evil isn't it I'm actually surprised people forget this. Because back in the 80's every kids movie had messages that even the most evil character had something very human flawed and even redeeming about them. Because nobody is pure evil or pure good. We're all just trying to survive. and even the most good characters had negative things about them. When did we forget and become so black and white? Avoidance of the darkest parts don't make them go away it makes the darkness the focal point
@AffectionateSeaOtter
7 сағат бұрын
@@Sarah-with-an-H It must be the 80s movies then that has caused people to have the wrong perceptions. The line of reasoning in these messages, that we should put up with a Narcissists' abusive behaviors because 'no one is perfect or 100% evil or good, is pretty dangerous because they are making us completely ignore the fact that what we call Evil in thus world starts somewhere small where it is brushed aside as being 'not that bad' or 'not as bad as the next bad thing up the assembly line of mental and spiritual pathology'. If you have truly dealt with a Narcissist, both closely and ling term, you would know enough not to be making these frivolous statements and assumptions. There are countless families, and families that I know personally, including the one I was born in, where the entire family was subjected to Narcissistic abuse (because the quiet truth is behind every abuse there is a Narcissist) ....but not all individuals subjected to the SAME abuse in the SAME family (environment) ended up becoming a Narcissist later on Life. Why didn't and why don't they to the present day? Does that question not deserve merit? It's a very legit qs. and it gives insights into the workings of the human mind (and soul) and offers an explanation for why some people follow one direction in life and some (even frim the same Family of origin) the other exact opposite path. The answer is Free Will, it is a conscious CHOICE they make. As such their choice determines their outcome for which they are themselves responsible. They can blame their abusive families for the pain and trauma just like the other siblings can but their choice to toss Empathy out of their lives is theirs alone because the other siblings in the SAME Family had the same choice but they chose not to (toss Empathy out) . The same can be observed in Twin studies. If every child who was abused ended up becoming a Narcissist then your argument would carry a lot of weight. Both human observation and social experiments show us repeatedly that's not the case. The outcome is NOT just determined by the good or bad circumstances we are born and raised in but also (and more so) by the choices we make in life and we have to take accountability for that. Sadly, accountability is the very thing that Narcissists run away from because it correctly puts the responsibility back where it belongs i e. with the person making the choice
@Sarah-with-an-H
6 сағат бұрын
@@AffectionateSeaOtter who said your supposed to put up with someone treating you badly. I never suggested that. You're giving your abusers power though
@JohnSmith-nc6ul
Ай бұрын
This is bang on, say no to them and stand back, the level of manipulation, rage, guilt tripping, is shocking. It is all transactional !
@shirleyguinyard8183
Ай бұрын
You described my Narcissist husband to a tee.
@tmking7483
Ай бұрын
When Narkies got all the resources _ they don't get triggered _ they trigger u _ it's their addiction _ it's the only thing that gives them ego. I know wealthy barky barks _ they must destroy others for fun _ so their ego stays intact _a glass house that never cracks until _ or right before they die and realize they can't buy their way into heaven_ glass house cracks about 6 hours before they die _ when it's a Grandy Pandy.
@JohnSmith-nc6ul
27 күн бұрын
@@shirleyguinyard8183 I’m so sorry, I hope you are healing. It’s taking me time to get back on my feet.
@shirleyguinyard8183
Ай бұрын
When they get mad at you they love to remind you of what they did for you and call you ungrateful 👿.
@almondmilksoda
Ай бұрын
Growing up, my family of origin was like this. Things were fine until something happened. Caused me to walk on eggshells. Constantly in fear and insecure. And of course, I grew up to become the same. I was fine until something triggered me. Then I would completely melt down. In the past few years, I've done a lot of healing. Now I'm more conscious and aware of these triggers, and know how to better control myself (and my emotional reactions) when they happen. I'm proud of myself. I avoided the world and relationships because I was afraid I'd hurt others. I did that anyway, especially in my avoidance. The only way out is through. Big love to anyone reading this, or anyone else out there doing this work. It's hard, but it's worth it. 💛
@HisHiddenTreasure777
Ай бұрын
@almondmilksoda .... "I avoided the world and relationships because I was afraid I'd hurt others" is a powerful statement and I did that too! My unfruitful life at age 50 is proof (never married, never birthed children, scared of anything and everything including living and dying....I feel like Ive made progress in many ways too however listening to Tim always makes me think that have I actually made progress or am I still just hiding my pain and self hate by trying to do good deeds and say good things which then makes me a narcissist according to his teachings and that thought makes me feel so so very sad.....Im just trying to understand all of this. Lord please heal my heart and soul as I truly dont want to to keep living this way...x
@Lyrielonwind
Ай бұрын
Except for avoiding to get pregnant, I'm avoiding the world but not because I think I'm dangerous, it's because I'm not mature enough to deal with with more crappy relationships... Burned out and in freeze mode, unfortunately.
@airviper6
Ай бұрын
@@almondmilksoda I’m right in the middle right now, I think… thank you for sharing and expressing
@airviper6
Ай бұрын
@@HisHiddenTreasure777 Hey, I know you weren’t initially talking to me about anything but I read your comment and I just want to say, I know EXACTLY how you feel:( trying to find the line between doing what I feel is right for me and what I feel is right for others is… hard, because I don’t want to DO ANYTHING that might hurt someone again but then again… while I don’t know for certain, I want to believe that there isn’t anything wrong with *reciprocity*. It’s that give-n-take, and as long as you feel you’re being fair AND the people you’re reciprocating your life with feel the same, then WE are at *peace*.
@minkamariseiter1793
Ай бұрын
Love and hugs to you🙏💜♥❣✌
@maddyG7414
Ай бұрын
People with high narcissism traits are happy to bring up everything you do wrong or the things they disagree with, but if you mention anything you question in them, suddenly you’re attacking them and obviously just sensitive.
@brandibates8694
Ай бұрын
Sometimes they are getting everything they’ve asked for, then they are bored. They can go sideways just because they are bored. They can also go sideways at home when they are triggered at work or on the road driving home.
@Ellajaie
Ай бұрын
!!
@user-kk8vc9ck3t
Ай бұрын
I'm not a narcissist. I am trying to survive, and I'm happy to be alone.
@fuzzjenkins
Ай бұрын
I've been told I have narcissistic traits. There are things that I have done over the years that I did not realize I was doing. My wife was the one who told me that I have the traits, but doesn't think I am a narcissist. I am 48 and far more aware of my behaviors now than ever before. I self medicated with marijuana for more than 30 years and quit about a year and a 1/2 ago. My father was definitely a narcissist, and he got that from his dad. It was behavior that only we in the house saw, not the outside world... I know where I got it from. Watching Tim helps me and it also hurts me at the same time, if that makes sense. I'm getting better though sometimes it feels like three steps forward two steps back. I will not give up.
@Yarrg
Ай бұрын
You knew EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING. - INGVAR K. FUKNARK 🎸 🔥
@armetta99
20 күн бұрын
Honestly, hats off to you for recognizing this and wanting to be better on your own accord and for those you love
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
You may not be a narc if you are able to self reflect. Do you have empathy for others? You are not necessarily one if it was in your family.
@paulfesler7052
Ай бұрын
I'm 62 years old never even heard the term narcissist until about 3 years ago. Ever since covid hit it seemed like it's everywhere now.
@GodsChosenMekAmoR
Ай бұрын
THIS COMMENT!
@vanessarenae5169
Ай бұрын
Yes! Everyone is a Narc now.
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
@@vanessarenae5169 Like you?
@sarahgleeson1111
Ай бұрын
And what you don’t see is that the covert narcissist is playing the victim when they don’t get what they want, planting lies as they do, and then come back and try and emotionally blackmail you to get what you have already said no to. It’s the behind the scenes stuff that is the mind mess that takes ages to unravel.
@tracyannaleclair9320
Ай бұрын
Yes, they want an apology for your refusing to put up with their emotional and psychological warfare. It is so subtle. Start recording your arguments with them and documenting the context. It will be revealing. You also notice things about yourself that you need to change
@JohnSmith-nc6ul
Ай бұрын
I have zero sympathy for these types, they know what they are doing, they siphon the victim off and abuse them when no one else is around. They wear a mask in front of others.
@nathanmorgan3647
Ай бұрын
Yep. They are among the most evil people out there.
@slimshany4602
Ай бұрын
I find reading "zero empathy for ... " an unsettling line. You dont have to love anyone, just try to understand the grey bits, the nuances, how something or someone is built. They were an innocent child once too and were not the one to choose how they were going to grow. ✌🏽🌼
@lucyt-c8092
27 күн бұрын
@@slimshany4602maybe they weren’t an innocent child .. I know one so entitled and badly behaved IN KINDERGARTEN … that his own cousin moved away so he didn’t have to be in the same school with him ! Appalling behavior as a 5 year old - no parent was able to tame him- no other kids in class could learn because he was literally bouncing off the walls.. in kindergarten ! Grew up to be a junky / alcoholic wife beating narcissist - did a lot of jail time ( assault, drugs, theft $… interestingly, a model prisoner.. no misbehaving in jail where the other prisoners will beat you up … out of jail, slapping his wife around and on drugs … very occasionally worked doing landscaping… .. I empathize with all his victims ( from toddler hood on )…
@slimshany4602
25 күн бұрын
@@lucyt-c8092 I get what your saying, ofcourse such can be the case. But ut is its parents responsibility to take proper care of their child, and doesnt seem to be the case. But nevertheless is bringing up children and pets difficult and weird in a way that people are not being informed and going on obligatory courses to know how to care and guide to shape them in a good way.
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
@@slimshany4602 They were evil while still in the womb...
@Pheonix1111
Ай бұрын
Wow. Thank you Tim. I never understood why my narcissistic mother would batter me daily when I was a child. I was terrified of speaking or doing anything, because I thought she was beating me due to something I said or did. So I would hide to avoid her and remain completely silent. I had no idea she was beating me, because she actually wanted my attention. 🤷♀️ I had no idea she was JEALOUS of other people having my attention. She would always try to get rid of all my friends. I knew she craved attention, but my fear of her pushed me away from her. She was a toxic narcissist.
@GodIsLove1John416
Ай бұрын
This is why I struggle with trusting peoples intentions
@Courgette65
Ай бұрын
Grew up with 2 narcissistic parents and a narcissistic sister. Married one and one of my kid is. I am EXHAUSTED
@jarrod210478
Ай бұрын
I’m sorry the curse got to your child. That must hurt. 😔
@Courgette65
Ай бұрын
@@jarrod210478 it is. Thank you for saying. Feels like my life has been just one long punishment. :(
@paulfesler7052
Ай бұрын
Dang
@slimshany4602
Ай бұрын
@@jarrod210478 Well, didnt he marry its mom/dad ...?
@penyarol83
25 күн бұрын
@@Courgette65 it always rubs me a bit the wrong way when people describe their child as a narcissist (or any other mental health term). Because... You played a big role in causing that... I feel like it just sends the wrong message
@artluvr6170
Ай бұрын
Tim is absolutely right. Been there.
@sb7278
Ай бұрын
Yep, yep, yep!!!😉
@neosho3953
Ай бұрын
Powerful stuff man. My step dad has some characteristics like this. He only takes an interest in you when he wants something and gets you to open up only to use it against you later.
@caroleroy742
Ай бұрын
Very sad... 😔
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
Yep, try "grey rocking" until you can permanently leave him. Good luck, buddy.
@sherrysarpu5647
Ай бұрын
How about sneaky
@shirleyguinyard8183
Ай бұрын
Oh yes they are very sneaky and are pathological liars.
@stacey4013
Ай бұрын
Not only Trauma. So wrong on that. Also entitlement, spoiling and enabling creates them.
@libelleafremov4410
Ай бұрын
You are so right!
@DivoGo
Ай бұрын
Covert Narcissist for a good chunk of my life. Last 11 years has been rough but Im grateful. ❤
@slimshany4602
Ай бұрын
Yes, so emotional neglect and more trauma can also be the case when a child grows up in wealth. Lots of emptyness and inner scarring, too little socialisation skills. Its never a happy disorder..! ✌🏽💛
@GodHelpMe369
Ай бұрын
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6: 32-33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” Matthew 16: 24-25
@amyhenningsgard8618
Ай бұрын
His will be done.
@jenniferbrooks87
Ай бұрын
@@amyhenningsgard8618 I have been wondering what that looks like. I'm a middle aged scapecoat of 2 narcissistic parents. I am a Christian, they " claim" to be. My mother is sadistic and doesn't care that she's ruined my health ( textbook). She twists scripture when triggered, then a couple months later, love bombs & the cycle continues. I've prayed, gotten pastors involved etc. Unsure how God's will is being done in this situation. She's bad mouthed me and yes I've prayed for them from a far.
@vickijoy3701
Ай бұрын
If you have grown up being groomed, you learn to survive in the environment - you cross lines to "fit in" and start people pleasing and put on masks to cover the truth. Its never your ideal situation but the rationale is you settle for something is better than nothing.
@jenndel4
Ай бұрын
It's amazing how every work u say is so true!!! OMG my ex and mother!! Ugh I'm healing.
@michaelgarrow3239
Ай бұрын
I think a defining trait of narcissists is the intentional damage they do to other people. Or, is that more psychopathic?
@lawrencedavis5459
Ай бұрын
I think it's all on a spectrum, narcissistic -sociopathy etc, not just clear cut black and white
@Lyrielonwind
Ай бұрын
Both, they know what they are doing. It falls into a spectrum but both have sadistic traits and won't be able and won't care for intro inspection because they don't care and they won't do it. Intro inspection is "craziness for them"...a blasphemy.
@inthedetails5467
Ай бұрын
Psychopathy/sociopathy is the highest degree of narcissism. All sociopaths/psychopaths (antisocial personality disorder) are narcissists but not all narcissists are antisocial.
@ArchAngel435
Ай бұрын
Exactly describes my ex husband. He never did ask me about myself when we first met, but used information that he had gleaned from other sources. Walked on eggshells for 25 yrs
@kellybrown5312
Ай бұрын
I’ve just had a huge blow up with a friend but have come to the very sad conclusion that she’s a narcissist and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to influence change. Because all is rosy until I say something she doesn’t like. Saddest part of all, is she’s so fond of “holding up a mirror” for others to see their flaws 😢
@Ellajaie
Ай бұрын
Omgggg literally! This is also the friend that pretends like everything in their life is perfect just perfect! A facade is what it is. Can’t own up to anything they’ve done to you either. Then turn it around on you when it’s too much to take accountability for. Like how do you just make it about you ?
@jaypeterson1324
Ай бұрын
I still can’t tell if im a narcissist or not after 23 years… I hate more than anything the idea that all the positive things I’ve done have been for personal satisfaction and not because I wanted to for the good of it. I just want to be able to work on becoming a person and not an angry mess that hides behind hating others because I hate myself the most
@HisHiddenTreasure777
Ай бұрын
Your a brave person to say such a statement and I relate to what you are saying for myself too...Lord heal our hearts and minds Amen
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
Same.
@A10011
Ай бұрын
Everyone does things for a complicated combination of personal satisfaction and altruism. I really have a problem with labelling people in this manner. No one fits exactly into a box.
@ArchAngel435
Ай бұрын
@@A10011true, labelling doesn't help except to know when you're dealing with a pathological narc and there's no hope for change, ever. Better to let them go and start healing. More importantly, practice grey rocking, while in the relationship and no contact while out of it. Understanding narcissism helps with putting this into practice and healing
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
@@ArchAngel435healing takes compassion for yourself and people around you. I believe it's possible to heal. I'm practicing stepping back before acting out. Oftentimes I'm not even aware of how I feel and why. So checking in on myself first helps me recognize triggers before becoming reactionary.
@tracyannaleclair9320
Ай бұрын
Accountability
@ex-secular1963
Ай бұрын
💯 true
@MarcellaB3ll4
Ай бұрын
Hmmm, sounds like a child, like a person is stuck in childhood.
@caroleminke6116
Ай бұрын
Lack of separation from mother by age 3 for any reason causes a lack of object constancy or whole object relations because they didn’t utilize a transitional object like a pet or a blanket or stuffed animal to soothe their separation anxiety❤️🩹 shame, abandonment anxiety & CPTSD create these extreme codependent behaviors
@Lyrielonwind
Ай бұрын
@@caroleminke6116 That's the other side of childhood trauma. Complex PTSD is not the same than NPD or antisocial personality disorders.
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
@@Lyrielonwind Tim has even said if you have C-PTSD you have narcissistic traits. Sadly the pop psychology rhetoric is full of gaslighting misconceptions and lies. That fact that pop psychology gets so much wrong keeps the cycle going so nobody heals and grows because if they do heal there goes the $$$$$ too
@mday3821
Ай бұрын
They are children in adult bodies. They are stuck between the ages of 7 to 15 yrs old according to some experts, while others say they are stuck between 3 to 9 yrs old. But nevertheless they are children.
@slimshany4602
Ай бұрын
@@GIwillo yes, and loads of neglect and condemnation
@riyareny
Ай бұрын
My ex was all this AND also provided reel proof that suggested I might just be the narcissist in the relationship. I lost who I was. I dint know if he was hurt and genuinely communicating or pulling the strings on me and making me guilt love him. Anyways, it was the most chaotic and stressful thing that happened to me. Thank God for healing gurus like Tim.
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
Narcs main operative (MO) is lying / gaslighting. I'm guessing it is all lies... If you are capable of empathy for others, you are fine.
@fidelmashelton9491
Ай бұрын
100% correct playing mind games the whole time.
@debtalan6255
Ай бұрын
I would say “great 99% of the time” is an unlikely percentage. Their sensitivity to being “victimized” is so high. Lot of this is clear and helpful to hear, though. 🙏🏻Thank you.
@caroleminke6116
Ай бұрын
Worsen with age & can no longer control their inner turmoil in public
@t.tenney3470
Ай бұрын
@@caroleminke6116yes.....they worsen. 😕
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
Agreed
@CTHD13
Ай бұрын
I’ve seen this remarked on this guy’s videos before, but- Codependency, cPTSD, and Narcissism are not the same things. Codependents also try to pour love into someone to try to get the same love back, and can also have meltdowns. The difference, I suppose, is that the codependent knows when they’ve done something wrong.
@t.tenney3470
Ай бұрын
Codependents have been molded by the Narcissist to be submissive and servile.... different children react to parental abuse differently. The Narcissist usually picks a golden child to mold into a mini-me...
@kittylemew
Ай бұрын
I've done intense and deep research on this topic he's close, but in many ways, the information is incomplete and inaccurate.
@badaspunkbtch
Ай бұрын
He isn't blurring those lines. The thing with narcissism is that anyone can have these traits. Including the codependent,
@penyarol83
25 күн бұрын
@@CTHD13 or, the codependent imagines they've done something wrong even when they haven't, even when it's others who've wronged them.
@tracyannaleclair9320
Ай бұрын
Recording conversations helped me to see just how manipulative he was. You forget a lot without evidence. I started documenting arguments and what was happening during that time...saw trends And recorded arguments. If it wasn't for doing that I believe I would have continued to gaslight myself for life or to my death bed from the emotional turmoil
@marykennedysherin3330
Ай бұрын
Spot on!
@DJPeachyful
27 күн бұрын
Omg! Thankyou 🙏 That was the exact last reason why I walked after 2 years on & off... I dared say no to something trivial for the first time..he's ghosted me. That's the moment I knew categorically he is a covert narc! Done 😉
@KowboySantos
Ай бұрын
this describes both my parents
@zamyrabyrd
Ай бұрын
Narcissists are often caused by spoiling making the kid think she is extra special (as is said about Meghan Markle) but also poisonous sibling rivalry. This was definitely the case with my mother, the baby of the family, apple of her father's eye but hated by her two sisters on account of it. I also believe, given her sexual acting out, she hated my grandmother as a rival for her father's affectioniving her histrionic traits. There was also the intimation of incest, real or imagined, with a slightly older brother.
@t.tenney3470
Ай бұрын
The " golden child" who is molded into the image of the narcissistic parent. Other children are forced into other roles....
@sunnybein1
Ай бұрын
Sorry nonsense..Narcs are emotionally invalidated psychologically (and often physically) abused children.The golden child is but one of the many roles..spoiling a child is abuse..you deny them coping mechanisms to deal with the real world.
@ArchAngel435
Ай бұрын
You describe here a narc family so it's not the spoiling per se but strong narcissistic traits. My ex husband came from such a family, his grandfather was grandiose ( never met his parents) and two of his siblings have strong narc traits but he is a pathological narc. I had to let him go after 25 yrs of marriage as his toxicity was getting me down.
@zamyrabyrd
Ай бұрын
@@ArchAngel435 My maternal grandmother and grandfather were not narcissistic. The interaction between the rotten sisters was a breeding ground for grandiosity, with each competing with the other. My youngest brother fulfilled the role of golden boy, because an insufferable, religious, self-righteous narcisisst
@nobutterinhell
Ай бұрын
they are like a snake waiting to devour you once they are big enough to swallow you whole
@GodHelpMe369
Ай бұрын
I plead the blood of Yeshua over you, right here right now, wherever you are. God, send your Holy Spirit on the one who writes this, and on the ones who read this... Give them peace and joy and bliss and health and wealth and love. Repent and allow Abba to hold you in His arms. Cry to Him about your pain, He loves you. He won't mind. He'll show you a way out. God bless you. NO WEAPONS FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER NO WEAPONS FORMED AGAINST MY FAMILY SHALL PROSPER I AM RIGHT HERE EXACTLY WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE
@ireneramirez3691
Ай бұрын
Love this!!! Thank you ❤
@jacquelinepaton9143
Ай бұрын
Amen . Praise the Lord for his grace and mercy. Who heals us and brings us through all of this .
@thisisme1981
Ай бұрын
I claim this in the name of Yehusha ❤️🙏
@newbeginnings5610
8 күн бұрын
So much more powerful than a praying hands emoji. 🤍
@edwarddoyle4401
Ай бұрын
These videos are interesting, but not necessarily the complete picture of narcissism and I believe (from experience) that narcissists can "emerge" from perfectly normal & good homes, families, parents etc..
@Lyrielonwind
Ай бұрын
Were you expecting a short version of Macbeth?
@sunnybein1
Ай бұрын
Normal families don’t psychologically and emotionally invalidated their children and not meet many of their needs.Your beliefs are unfortunately not facts.
@ArchAngel435
Ай бұрын
The people you have experienced have narcissistic traits which is far different from pathological narcissism. I know, I was married to one for 25 yrs, came from a narc family. Understood from Prof Sam Vaknin what I was really dealing with. Had to let him go as his toxicity was getting me and the children down
@Sunrise4-pk7hp
Ай бұрын
I came across a 40 y/o man acquaintance whose parents: 1 an attorney and one a doctor. To myself I thought, their son should be set in life priorities. Nope, he was a womanizer, has 2 rental cabins. If a woman asks to rent, he 'requires 5 x a day sex'. And easily screams.😮
@TruthIsVegan-ye8ji
Ай бұрын
Telling people if they get angry, 1% of the time, or jealous, that this is their true colours showing through, is really quite a dark and damaging perspective. Just because someone might get angry or jealous 1% of the time certainly doesn’t make them a narcissist. I love Tim Fletchers work and recommend him so often, but I think his understanding of narcissism needs some work. 😀
@kshaw9179
Ай бұрын
Evil people! Thank goodness I'm free from this now that I've gone no contact!
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
Not evil, human. No single person is pure evil. Compassion from a safe distance heals.
@Lyrielonwind
Ай бұрын
It's cool to be out of the mine-fields. Being able to leave your guard down... but even then, nightmares 😢
@Lyrielonwind
Ай бұрын
@@Sarah-with-an-H Allow him/her to get some distance. Forgiveness comes with healing, nothing you can or should impose on others.
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
@@Lyrielonwind I'm saying compassion can help heal the narcissist, but also compassion helps a person to not become a narcissist
@lawrencedavis5459
Ай бұрын
@@Sarah-with-an-Hnothing can change a narcissist
@KristineStewart-tb3fm
Күн бұрын
My mother was a narcissist. I dealt with it for 46 years until She died. The verbal, emotional, and physical abuse finally went away. Then my husband took her spot. He’s been cheating on me and making me feel like it’s all my fault why he is cheating then he says he loves me but he’s sexually attracted to skinny pretty women. I am so torn down.
@nicoleneal4329
23 күн бұрын
Not all narcissists art developed from extreme environments. Many are developed by the exact opposite where the parents baby them and give them a sense of entitlement.
@mrsjamessmom9044
17 күн бұрын
This is my sister in law to a tee. She was always a fad chaser and spending money on the latest thing even when she didn't have the money. But she has become an attention seeking black hole. A succubus hell bent on draining you until you are an empty meat sack puddled on the floor. Their mom died and I knew she was going to lose her mind but it's been epic, to point of collapse. I tried to warn the other sibling about the incoming storm but they were slow to take heed. Just try going through probate and settling an estate with one on these defective people. It's long story up to this moment but somehow I knew I'd have to either sue her for defamation or get a restraining order on her and her family. Yes it has gone to that level. Oh it turns out my MIL was a covert type of narcissist who helped create this monster while screwing up her other kids. The other sibling aren't narcs, but are extremely intelligent and suffer with crippling anxiety, followed by self medicating with alcohol. That woman did a number on all of them. Such a horrible personality disorder that destroys families. I just have PTSD from soaking in this crazy BS. It's almost over and I can't wait to go no contact.
@feelthepeace
Ай бұрын
Grant it, these are very simple, brief explanations - for any one, particularly an empath who is highly responsible (as in coming from a childhood of having to grow up beyond their years having resulted from caregivers that were emotionally immature, or psychologically unwell; addiction, mental health issues, etc.) and thinks they may have /have had relationships with this personality structure; the vulnerable (covert) narcissist, I encourage you to watch 'Covert Narcissism playlist' by Vital Mind Coaching (he's Australian - you'll know by the accent 😉). Understanding and educating yourself is key to your own healing. As Tim explains here, this personality structure was created by a caregiver who 'installed all the right buttons'; abuse, neglect; trauma. Due to intense identification of self as the ego - individuals with these personality structures will not accept the help they need (it's a forever loop, cycling) and they can only take you down with them. By the time you see through the mask, the facade - you're YEARS into it - it's the 'how do you boil a frog' scenario ... you don't know wtf hit you or why you feel like something is so wrong with you when they're 'so wonderful' - and would never hurt a fly. It's said the vulnerable/covert narcissist is more destructive than their overtly grandiose counterparts. From my experience - I would agree. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. 🕊 🫶 💪 🪷
@kuibeiguahua
Ай бұрын
Getting close to a narcissist is the most efficient way to find your own undiscovered trauma, because boy do they jam fingers in your brain!!! You can outsmart them though, they are very predictable and ALWAYS grandiose
@DouglasMosley759
Ай бұрын
Is alcohol abuse common in narcissists? I know someone who acts that way when they’re very drunk.
@CynthiaSchoenbauer
Ай бұрын
t love this video! It puts everything I am finally deeply understanding in a NUTSHELL. Thank you kindly.
@lexmcgregor9299
Ай бұрын
Sheesh this is just sweeping with too broad a brush for me. The idea that “giving to get” is inherently narcissistic is confusing. I think it’s a fundamental reality that relationships are transactional to a great degree and theres a potential danger in not addressing a lack of mutual transaction. I don’t think you’re a narcissist for expecting some level of the effort you give reflected from the people that would claim to love/care for you.
@spocksdaughter9641
Ай бұрын
Highly recomended.
@TruthIsVegan-ye8ji
Ай бұрын
I can be verbally abusive, I’m just seeing that now. It does come from a fear of abandonment. I’ve learnt that from your abandonment video. But somebody acting out 1% of the time if they’re in an intimate relationship… Usually with a narcissist who triggers them. Does not make them a narcissist. I love your videos Tim I’ve learnt so much from them and continue to do so, and recommend them all the time to people. But you are not clear in your understanding of what a narcissist. You seem to see everyone is a narcissist if they react out of an emotionally wounded place at all, ever. For clarity on what a narcissist is, here is a brilliant video… m.kzitem.info/news/bejne/wpdtm62kn6dlin4&pp=ygUnbWVsYW5pZSB0b25pYSBldmFucyBhbSBpIHRoZSBuYXJjaXNzaXN0
@eileenwalsh6048
4 күн бұрын
The birthplace of narcissism is also being over indulged as a child and doing no wrong…..You didn’t mention that but this is what happened to my narc ex husband.
@Mimi61249
29 күн бұрын
I don’t think the only reason is trauma we were not abusive parents and grew up in a loving family there has to be a neurological component as well
@Muck-qy2oo
Күн бұрын
I believe that I have narcisstic traits. I feel like the biggest trigger are other narcissists.
@deborahlincoln-strange622
Ай бұрын
It's a lot like cPTSD
@jackworthington5205
Ай бұрын
Trauma is usually the cause of all the bullshit. They don't want to take responsibility
@GirdsHerStrength
Ай бұрын
Narcissism probably comes as a result of CPTSD, when there’s a genetic propensity for it.
@tjmartens1
Ай бұрын
Please share how to get out of the narcasistic mindset if you are one
@karenpierce4909
22 күн бұрын
What do you call people then, who accuse someone as a narcissist, yet these people in their life go on really normal etc..but then they too can have an experience where they have it all their own way, yet they had an upbringing where they were over protected, that all through their own marriage still had their provisions met by their family, yet didn't earn enough to see to their own needs, or their wife and 4 children. Yet they are nice, polite and doing for more outside their own family. Looking good in others eyes, yet family suffers.
@bounce5541
9 күн бұрын
Yes thats true. Omg.
@nikao7751
Ай бұрын
Seems it may be that it takes one to know one, and by this assessment everyone just might be a narcissist, God help us 🙏
@Annonymous28
Ай бұрын
It’s dangerous for people to consider that trauma creates narcissist because they won’t change
@evaseifert5671
Ай бұрын
I just found out I am the narcissist😢 At least partly.....
@Kyojinsei
Ай бұрын
Out of curiosity, is Narcissistic traits stemed from traumatic experiences? I understand that as we get older some behaviors are cemented as long term behaviors. Also, my understanding is Narcissists are a clinical diagnosis, not something thats "Triggered behavior" (DSM-V) traits are constant not always a on and off switch. Doesn't sound like Narcissism if its a trigger. As a student, peer to peer critique is valued in my profession.
@DobermanDanK9
Ай бұрын
Good question because I dated an avoidant last year, and the tellings signs within the attachment community is that question: Are they an avoidant or a narcissist? We all relate to experiencing some form of narcissistic trait... Would that mean they're on the spectrum? Picked up behaviours due to past experiences? It's interesting
@Kyojinsei
Ай бұрын
@@DobermanDanK9 I wouldn't classify it or give it names like that people have all kinds of behaviors for all kinds of reasons do you ever ask them why they do that behavior or what does it you can do to help facilitate or lubricate the process so that behavior doesn't have to be as dominant communication man it's not dead we just need to practice it better
@Kyojinsei
Ай бұрын
@@DobermanDanK9 avoidance is a behavioral challenge, and should be wrestled with, not accepted for being something that's uncontrollable. But too much control signals other behaviors. Psychology is one of the hardest fields to work in and study. If it was so simple and easy... oh, oh no... yeah I guess a lot of people pseudo Psychology others because they read Friedrich Nietzsche, or Carl Jung. Not knowing Jung based most of his research on Fredian ideals and principles. That I learned from an other Psychology student who has lived in Germany her whole life. And studies Freudian psychology like I do
@triplejmom7826
Ай бұрын
The main difference is a narcissist has no emotional empathy & see nothing wrong with how they treat people, where a person with narcissistic traits have these triggers due to abuse but they do have enough empathy to care about how they’re treating people when it’s brought to their attention& thus will work towards changing it.Over time & with work the empathy can increase so they’ll learn to treat people better because they care enough to change. Does that help? I hope I explained it well. 🙏🏼❤️🩹
@Kyojinsei
Ай бұрын
@@triplejmom7826 I have to hard disagree, what separates the real from pseudo is the frequency and consistency. In cases of severe trauma someone can lose their sense of empathy or compassion for another person because they're dealing with their own emotions. Once that trial period is done if they don't return to baseline and they haven't sought out treatment there may be underlying issues whereas with a real narcissist it's not something they turn off or on its constant and it doesn't apply to 1 person over another it applies to everybody
@sun_buddy
Ай бұрын
by this logic, aren't most people narcissists? most people have needs they want met. are they only narcissists if they get angry and say mean things when they don't get what they want? because a lot of people get like that when their needs are denied
@crystalmckinneycoaches
Ай бұрын
Not conscience. Never apologize. Say it never happened. Blame you for their actions. Tell you it was all your fault. This makes them a narcissist. We all have things that we want fulfilled from others. Maybe once or twice we might say something mean to someone being immature. After we think about it we would probably apologize or feel shame. We would expect the person we yelled at not to talk to us or to be upset with our behavior. We wouldn’t tell them it was all their fault or insist that we never yelled or called them nasty things. First version is a narcissist.
@sunnybein1
Ай бұрын
most people express their need/s..narcissists MANIPULATE you into meeting their needs because they dont trust anyone to meet them...and a Narc will never meet your emotional needs because they are incapable of doing so-devoid of empathy and they will also BLAME YOU for them not accepting nor validating nor meeting your needs.So no MOST PEOPLE ARE NARCISSISTS
@kittylemew
Ай бұрын
What is not expressed in this short presentation is that having narcissistic tendencies is different from having Narcissistic Personality *Disorder*
@TruthIsVegan-ye8ji
Ай бұрын
I wrote a similar comment myself. Tim is absolutely brilliant and spot on in so many ways, but his understanding of what a narcissist is. I think I need some clarity. And I think that he just victim blamed perhaps unconsciously, but he just basically said anyone who gets angry or jealous ever, that’s who they really are. Not a good person who relates healthy 99% of the time. I would be like saying to your child, who is a good child who is well-behaved and does everything they can to be a good kid, the moment they get angry or jealous…thats their true colours coming through. Awful thing to say. And just because you get angry or jealous, does not make you a narcissist. It usually means you’re in a relationship with one
@terridillon3053
16 күн бұрын
Then why didn’t I become a narcissist. I suffered extreme abuse and toxic shame and neglect.
@dadnash3157
Ай бұрын
Is Tim trying to say here that a covert narissist/co-narissist is a co-dependent?
@Ang-iz5hv
Ай бұрын
Yes.
@TruthIsVegan-ye8ji
Ай бұрын
I think you need to be a bit clearer, because the way you’re describing it is anyone who snaps and gets angry or jealous…is a narcissist. So by this definition an honest, authentic accountable person who gets involved with a narcissist and then that narcissist uses their wounds to trigger them into jealousy and anger, is themselves a narcissist? So everyone on the planet is a narcissist, then according to this. Unless they are absolutely perfect and never get angry or jealous.
@gerryw2camaro
Ай бұрын
Although I’m a narcissist, I’m also very empathetic. The question really becomes what does the other person wish to bring out? If I were with someone, who had no desire to ease my troubles, it’s only a matter of time before I choose the same for their fortunes. Basically, what I’m hearing is you don’t care what trauma the other person has been through. You’re not willing to help find a path of trust. You see no desire for their comfort. You prefer to abolish the mentality they use with truth and gaslighting them into seeing the narcissist traits they use. Are you trying to tell me, this is proper abuse? Because I hear fighting an emotional mess of a person with more abuse. That’s no way to help someone you love cope through. Give a little sympathy for what another person has been through. Chances are, you are the person who put them in this narcissistic state of being. You refuse to allow them comfort. They have to find it through pain. I’m sorry Tim, but I disagree with your philosophical analogy of narcissistic values. And I’m a narcissist. Aren’t you?
@t.tenney3470
Ай бұрын
I would say you are Narcissistic. Tim is talking about true Narcissists. People with Narcissistic personality disorder cannot feel empathy. Their world is "alliances" and " transactions".
@sunnybein1
Ай бұрын
Full blown NPDdoesnt want your empathy it wants your compliance to control.You clearly have never been in a relationship with a real Narc…you can’t ‘love’ them well or healthy.They are a lost cause.
@Myopiniononly
Ай бұрын
So you’re describing a as well, I would like to know are any of these victims benefiting from living with these people like the narcissist buying them a car buying them a home taking them on vacation working while they stay at home that’s what I like to know, I hear all the negativity, but I don’t hear the positives that the victims are getting If a person is a victim, then leave the relationship don’t start saying oh no it’s too hard you can leave the relationship anytime you want unless they are physically abusive and your fear for your life but 90% is not so get some self-esteem get a backbone and leave, but without the benefits that you have encountered throughout the relationship
@Star-dj1kw
Ай бұрын
✅ good video
@TruthIsVegan-ye8ji
Ай бұрын
I mean take that for instance. The pain and rage I feel watching helplessly, caring for the other species as if they are my children. As God does. And it’s so obvious it’s wrong. A 3 year old could understand it. The animals get nutrients from the soil plants and water. We can go directly to those sources too, and our bodies were designed to do so. Everybody knows one detail about what happens to just one of those animals, that is so horrific, it’s too evil to comprehend. And yet people capable of complex thinking and healing their human relationships. People who are capable of all the human ingenuity, technologically, creatively. And you can’t understand what a three-year-old could understand? You feel nothing as you torture in such diabolical. There are no words for how evil. Ways. You make pleasant family rituals out of it. Use it as the highlight of your day. Of your year. You live to eat and at the end of the day, which is coming pretty soon, you will have destroyed all life on Earth just for pure greed, in the cruellest way imaginable. And I’m the narcissist? Every day I meditate to release the pain, the injustice, the helplessness I feel. And I even am getting back to being able to put all that aside, connect to God and help people again. But that I felt so angry I could only see people the way I’ve just described, and said what you would consider the ‘most terrible things’. The truth is, you should all be feeling the way I feel about what is the most obvious wrong that has ever been. And until you do, I’m carrying all of that, me and the few others who are not speciesist and utterly heartless, on this planet. The truth does hurt sometimes. But your feelings are not what should be being focused on. There are animals being tortured right now they’re the ones whose feelings you should care about.
@dumdumyumyum1888
21 күн бұрын
They made my dad go to sleep early because i ate some beef... at 2000 08.14.24
@Annonymous28
Ай бұрын
My mother is a narcissist I cut her off but then six years later after wasting six whole years in therapy I learned on my own after my therapist moved out of the country, that my sister is also a narcissist and my stepmother and honestly my father too! My mother is a covert narcissist with histrionic personality disorder, my sister is an overt one always bragging about herself it’s very bad very jealous, Stepmother is a passive aggressive covert narcissist and honestly she’s the most toxic one because almost no one notices it and it’s so obvious just looking at her face😂 I’m pretty sure they’re screwing up my little brother because all he does is over eat and play video games to cope I feel terrible for him because he’s starting to realize something is wrong with my stepmother a.k.a. his mother she said herself that he called her crying and said you don’t care about my personal life you just care about my accomplishments in school
@lindamckenzie4543
Ай бұрын
This is a 100% description of Trump. The malignant narcissist.😊
@DJPeachyful
27 күн бұрын
That's what the bs msm want us to believe.. I thought the same as you for years. Then I did my own research on him from when he was a young man.. on KZitem. A leopard never changes it's spots.. These Narcs in power can't have a good soul on board. Coz they will do good for us the masses then they will lose their power, control & money. All good presidents are assinated... It makes sence 🙏
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
Remember for a lot of narcists its unconscious
@spocksdaughter9641
Ай бұрын
I agree many are totally unconscious or aware. Their self was est before the age 6-7. What was left is permant totally self involved. Victumhood blaming miserable INNOCENT UNHELPABLE
@TimFletcher
Ай бұрын
That is very true. Many narcissists coming out of complex trauma have no idea that this is what they are doing - they've adapted based on their experiences. As a result, many people come to realize later in life that they have narcissistic traits. Recognizing it and acting in kindness to yourself and others while addressing this behaviour is a big first step.
@caroleminke6116
Ай бұрын
The shame may be subconscious but they are very aware of their abusive tactics & don’t try to change but simply hide them from public view so that you live with cognitive dissonance as well as no support or understanding from others who can’t even see the problems
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
@@TimFletcher I believe I'm a narcissist I don't like that I recognize it, but I also know the only way out is with honesty and acknowledging the reality. I tend to keep to myself because I don't want to hurt anyone as hurting others always causes me an incredible amount of pain and grief. I also recognize how dysfunctional my entire family is, but I'm the only one that's remotely aware of that. Any time I hurt someone it's completely unconscious though. I'm shy, introverted, and cynical. I'm pretty sure I'm a covert narcissist. If I do hurt someone it's because I was protecting myself from abuse. It's truly complicated
@Sarah-with-an-H
Ай бұрын
@@caroleminke6116 don't assume I'm not aware of being abusive when I'm triggered. By the time I'm triggered it's too late. I try my hardest to be calm and take a step back to explore my emotions, because often times I don't even know how I feel I'm just reacting. But when I successfully practice that stepping back and checking in with myself I can avoid that reactionary knee jerk response. Reality is being abusive hurts me as much or more because I realize it's me expressing that I'm a piece of garbage and unworthy of anything good. Narcissists usually really hate themselves. Any show of loving themselves is an act it's essentially fake it till you make it, but making it never comes.
@Ellajaie
Ай бұрын
“ fuck you you never spend time with me !!! I haaaaate you ( 31 year old husband/lawyer) “ - “ I’m just trying to plan our wedding .. you’re not helping. At all ? “
@Ellajaie
Ай бұрын
“You have no idea how much it hurt me when we were walking around and you were looking at other men ! ( says the serial cheater- serial eye wanderer - escort user abuser, - porn and sex addict - also this never happened i was more loyal than anything ) - sir what ?!? Making up lies out of no where just to try to get something on me
@tmking7483
Ай бұрын
Your analysis is self referential?
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
WRONG! Narcissists were NOT created from other "severe narcissists" through trauma, they were a narcissist at birth. I'm tired of all the sympathy and excuses for narcissists! I was raised by two extreme narcissists who invoked physical, sexual, and mental abuses upon me, however I still CHOSE to be a good, loving, empathic human being! Very good description otherwise. Thanks for educating the masses.
@penyarol83
Күн бұрын
@@ZiptiesAndButterflies ah, I see. You believe people are born bad because your own parents had very bad behaviors and you haven't yet learned about intergenerational trauma and you think you are a "better" person who just "chose" to do better than others choose to. But you know, what you're saying has a contradiction. If people are BORN a certain way, say narcissistic, then they can't just CHOOSE to be better. So if *you're* NOT an abusive person (although the way you talk about children makes me doubt that), then you couldn't have CHOSEN that, that's just the way you were born. So what your'e saying doesn't make sense. You didn't choose anything, you were just born that way, according to your line of reasoning.
@ZiptiesAndButterflies
Күн бұрын
@@penyarol83 Good point. You are exactly right. I am an empath because I was born one. And I thought I was usually good at noticing inconsistencies. The older I get the more I realize I am so far away from the person I wish I was. Do I think I'm better. Honestly, most of the time, I do. But, then sometimes I wonder if it is just how the universe creates opposites to drive the whole system as flesh/matter. I wonder if there was ever a start to it all if it is not by choice (ones soul I mean), and if so there certainly wouldn't be any merit for assigning one to "good" and "bad". I currently believe that we carry the same soul from life time to life time, but maybe that's just me wanting some accountability. The only time I feel compassion for narcissists anymore is when I wonder if our souls all eventually experience both sides in different lifetimes. Then I think, oh I should be loving, cause I just happen to be on this side now. Although I think this side is much worse based on my life thus far, I still rather be an empath, but maybe that's just my ego. I have no clue in reality... I guess to your point it feels mostly like it is not a choice, but that state can be slightly changed over a lifetime. Can those slight changes add up to how a soul starts? Maybe we have no freewill at all. Your guess is as good as mine.
@user-nj2mh1qs7n
Ай бұрын
This is my husband
@johanna006
Ай бұрын
Isn't a covert narcissist a people pleaser then?
@DivoGo
Ай бұрын
Speaking as covert in therapy, the answer is YES!! Also when Tim talks about the “moon effect”, that’s the covert trying to build some sort of self esteem which fails, because it’s built on other people (codependency) and not on the covert learning to stand on their own two feet. Thank God I didn’t have children!!!❤
@Myopiniononly
Ай бұрын
This guy is describing a narcissist all the negatives in the relationship but are the victims benifiting with t to his er
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