I read this book “Dangerous personalities” where an FBI profiler broke down signs of dangerous people. Because of my CPTSD I had no clue what the signs were for dangerous people. I think many of us never learned these signs, maybe Bc we grew up with dangerous people 😔 I would highly recommend the book to anyone who is looking for clarity on this topic. It’s really changed my life- the book also says don’t ignore your instincts- even if you can’t explain it rationally- they are usually right ❤️
@kat9587
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻 i just checked out the book and bought it on merit!
@limitedtime5471
2 жыл бұрын
I'm buying this immediately, thanks for the tip
@KandyKoatedKrafts
2 жыл бұрын
The Gift of fear is another wonderful book! 😀
@katherinec4474
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you😊
@rsamuels6969
2 жыл бұрын
@@KandyKoatedKrafts I’ve heard this one is great! Thanks for reminding me- I will order it!
@TheNunududu
2 жыл бұрын
Call my boss so he can tell you I'm a good guy??? If a guy volunteers to provide references to prove their character... RED FLAG.
@refiloendlovu6518
2 жыл бұрын
Oh wow
@TeamCat1128
2 жыл бұрын
Yes! Not something a normal person does.
@Analysis_Paralysis
6 ай бұрын
Especially since, he violated her sexually. It doesn't matter what the boss thinks of him, the boss wasn't violated sexually, she was! He simply gaslighted her, even though she was right about him and his behavior.
@marigam
2 жыл бұрын
The logic is so wrong because he wasn’t treating her badly because she wasn’t good ENOUGH he was treating her like that because she was TOO GOOD for him. You can clearly see the pattern: she wins a game, he calls her a c*nt and overpowers and demeans her in bed, she improves academically/professionally and it happens again. I bet the sulking also happened whenever he felt less capable than her, something she wouldn’t notice as a big deal but he’d see it makes her look better than him. It doesn’t make sense the other way. Good luck, Jennie!
@latishaharris31
2 жыл бұрын
Sounds just like the relationship I left. Man she is me. I’m not the only one. So thankful for this letter
@karlippo
2 жыл бұрын
Same here 😰🙏🏻
@jb-ze1yh
2 жыл бұрын
I’ve just figured out that I have betrayal trauma from my last relationship. It’s something many therapist don’t talk about, but finding the right person or support group will be so helpful! Good for Jenny!
@hermionegreen333
2 жыл бұрын
You're so helpful. Thank you sincerely for your work.
@amber40494
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Anna, there's so much validation here
@chrissyhammond9089
Жыл бұрын
"Do not call that man" is my daily mantra thank you so much! I just love your channel and i appreciate very much. Sex, then its like a death to lose them, it feels like that yes, its miserable. I dont recommend either, do not have sex with them right away. Im hooked hard like heroin.
@whosthtgirl
2 жыл бұрын
I hope "Billy" is watching this and taking notes.
@thetea3424
Жыл бұрын
Psychopaths
@Drferdaoussord2404
2 жыл бұрын
Oh no darling he didn’t do what he did because you aren’t good enough or smart enough.. it’s totally the opposite it was him who was feeling this way and he was deflecting it on you and it was triggering you.. maybe you grew up trying to excel to get the approval from a volatile dismissive or critical parent.. you have been asked to continually do better no matter what and it’s also very common when you grow up with a codependent anxious preoccupied mom (you see her sacrificing herself by permanently trying to please your dad to get his attention by being « the best » cooker, mother, wife, woman just to make him love her and get some approval.. and very often she is (professionally or physically or financially) better than him but she can’t see it🌀 You need to see your worth and recognize your value so you don’t feel attracted anymore to those who can’t see your worth because guess what sweetheart? As soon as you change your beliefs and perceptions about yourself/ love/ life/ a real man/ couple etc those who can’t treat you and see you as you henceforth think you deserve to be treated and seen will disappear from your reality/ circle/world🪞 You are more than what you think just Recognize your potential and make good use of it and welcome only those who can support your growth and ambitions to come in.. one day you will remember this story and it will very hard for you almost impossible to remember how the old version of you was seeing the world through her blurred glasses when she was speaking/ feeling/ thinking/ behaving/ reacting the way she was and you will forgive yourself because you realize that you couldn’t do any better at this time the way you were and it’s okey this is how all the traumatized people learn.. your greatest power is behind your traumas your biggest wounds have messages for you (some boundaries to set/ some needs to consider/ some value to embody/ some preferences to take into consideration/ some skills and qualities to honor…) Let the golden age started queen🌅🥂🤘🏻🎇 You are more than good trust me ❤️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Beautiful message to the writer, thank you! -Cara@TeamFairy
@gpparis2023
2 жыл бұрын
Just because a person dosen't have the ability to love you dosen't make you unworthy of it.
@junkyupedia7348
Жыл бұрын
Doesn't* ♥️
@Piqued5
2 жыл бұрын
I'm glad she left. This is the type of guy who would have killed her. The sexual abuse is outrageous.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Agreed! -Cara@TeamFairy
@karlippo
2 жыл бұрын
😳 I had no idea my situation was so dangerous until I listened to this story. He actually said the same stuff to me.. I blamed it on the substances he used that night and his bad mood. But it felt revengeful. And the other thing is, he is always using some kind of subtance... But now I get chills hearing this story. Makes me feel I might be in danger. His behaviour is as she described: sweet for weeks months, monstrous 2,3 incidents. He says some unbelievable hurtful things and smirks. It gives me the creeps. It doesn’t happen often and i always doubt myself like ah no you’re overreacting or its because he had a rough week or he meant it jokingly (he alsways says ah it was a joke) But now I get scared… I will re listen this episode… and order the book thanks 🙏🏻😨
@Synkotic90
2 жыл бұрын
@@karlippo If you had a daughter you loved more than anyone else in this world. Would you be okay with your current partner treating her the way he does you? Would you be okay with her dealing with...yeah? We both know what it is. Inconsistency is the fuel of manipulation. If you find yourself constantly doubting yourself. There's a reason for that. Basically your subconscious is warning you, and he wants to stop that. The kindness is also what gets you hooked. Ever met someone who was mean to you all the time? The kindness is also a red flag. A healthy person who sees you for you will probably not be as kind to you. Why? They don't objectify you. They won't show you the cruelty because it's not in their nature, but they also won't act like your Gods gift to mankind. Another question I like to ask. How would he feel if you did that to him? Do you think he would be fine with it? Do you think he would consider it "kinky"? It sounds like you have a lack of boundaries and ideally you need to get out and work on yourself for a bit.
@krisdiane
2 жыл бұрын
@@karlippo ❤️ I hope you get safe. This is truly a life threatening relationship. No exaggeration.
@ShintogaDeathAngel
Жыл бұрын
@@karlippo I’ve noticed a lot of people say they were joking when they clearly meant it. I make a mental note to be vigilant around them; they also tend to think your reaction to their red flags is the real problem. No accountability.
@theseacat5266
2 жыл бұрын
It is so hard not to blame ourselves, when abuser was blaming us in everything that went wrong.
@rsamuels6969
2 жыл бұрын
This!!!
@TV-fu1ec
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah
@gorunsko31
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for your comment. I hear you. Yes, indeed is hard to let go of self blame after years of being blamed for the narcissist's behavior. He violated my boundaries while I was in deep sleep 4 weeks after delivering baby, it was still my fault! It is "mind fu***y" as Anne says. After being abused and blamed for it, there is nowhere really to go...there is temptation to escape into insanity, especially if you have a baby, a toddler and his family nearby falling for his smear campaign. This happened years ago, yet it is hard to shake it off. I started dedicating couple hours every day to educating myself about gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. It is helpful. Narcissist is a vampire and a parasite, especially the hidden narcissist. The one who is Mr. Nice to everyone, but behind closed door he needs a pouching pillow to dump his shame. Anyone dating, beware! peace and love to all.
@yoshi4691
2 жыл бұрын
Being in a relationship with a rapist really does your head in. It has been 9 months since I left and he still lives Rent free in my head. Thank you for covering this topic.
@rockstarofredondo
2 жыл бұрын
I wonder how many others Billy has raped.
@sage5530
Жыл бұрын
just left today. i hope i can stay away as long as you guys!! 💕
@Jasmine-gw1uw
Жыл бұрын
The wording of that Lmao
@nancyfahey7518
Жыл бұрын
That's exactly what I was thinking. He had to be abusive to get "it" to work. I'd go talk to a cop friend and have a conversation with her. She would be on the look out.
@christineherrmann205
2 жыл бұрын
Oh, Jenny, the hoovering is _real._ My ex (Dx antisocial) also told me off for being right/smarter than him/winning at games, etc. It's a bad, bad sign and I'm so sorry that he got physically violent with you. As others have mentioned, it's good you got a new therapist; that the other one heard you talk about the abuse and didn't tell you to run floors me. I'm relieved you're safe. I found out after the fact that mine brought a gun into our apartment (he was ex military). He only ever threatened to use it on himself... but I look back now and think how dumb I was to believe that. You're out and safe. Please don't ever go back.
@kimberlydonaldson4904
2 жыл бұрын
Spidey senses don't lie!
@brittneyempath3702
2 жыл бұрын
I’m going through this now. I have to remind myself that it’s not really about them it’s about me. It’s about regaining my self-dignity. It’s about knowing how to trust myself again. I keep wanting to apologize and tell my person how much I’ve learned since our separation but I remember I owe this to myself. I have to take back my power. I stay focused whenever I am self-aware of my action and I remember what I truly desire. Thank you, for your work. I Have listened to a lot of coaches but you explain it to where I can understand. Understanding is just as important as listening.
@deladrin2.0
Жыл бұрын
Girl.....I'm in the SAME place!?!?!?! I DEEP into being "Trauma Bonded" !!! I tried to leave MANY times.
@thenewyorkcitizen
Жыл бұрын
Any male person who insists on making "I'm a nice guy" a talking point most certainly isn't. Run.
@yuk498
2 жыл бұрын
Anna's advice is absolutely right - I have been there too. Its okay, have the feelings, just don't call him, just dont respond to his attempts to connect, just don't connect if he doesn't try to connect. For now - just cut all contact. Feelings will die down eventually, it may take one year, it may take five years. Doesn't matter, your self esteem will return... self respect will return....
@rachelb4235
2 жыл бұрын
It also helps to make a list of all the crap the person did to you. In those moments of weakness, go look at the list and remind yourself why you left. I agree with Bumblebee...eventually the feelings will go.
@mariahhinderager1827
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this!
@franceshaggitt3104
Жыл бұрын
@@rachelb4235 good advice. I'm in week three... Trauma bond. Had abuse before
@franceshaggitt3104
Жыл бұрын
Good advice . They get worse said domestic violence worker ... Mine did. I know he's bad news . Yet we miss breadcrumbs. The familiar . I had abuse before him too
@franceshaggitt3104
Жыл бұрын
@@rachelb4235 I'm four weeks out of the hell
@anniecole6923
2 жыл бұрын
While I was still at a DV shelter, one of the staff told me to write down everything that he had done to me or my girls, things he said, threatened, and how it made me feel. Every time I thought about going back or picking up a phone, I reread my letter. I left January of 1995. If I could say anything that mattered to someone going through abuse, it would be to write that letter to yourself, keep yourself and your children alive. It only gets worse.
@katiekane5247
2 жыл бұрын
Pretty close to my story. I figured out nothing could be as bad as staying with him. If I ended up with nothing, at least I had some control. Once was enough, I never went back. September 95 Bless you sister, we survived!
@anniecole6923
2 жыл бұрын
@@katiekane5247 Yes! We did, and that is something to celebrate! My kids are grown and safe and other than some ptsd, we're all good! I'm always so happy to hear when someone got out from under someones abuse. Blessings to you!
@evonne315
2 жыл бұрын
Thats a great idea. 👍
@msr1116
Жыл бұрын
I got to know a young woman in DV group counseling who helped me see the light more than she'll ever know. She once stated that if I didn't get rid of my husband, he would eventually wind up driving me into a mental institution. Those were the magical words to finally wake me up and get moving on my divorce. I lost contact with her after she hooked up with a burglary ex con who saddled her with a child then cheated on her. She had too many bad breaks in life to wind up with yet another bad guy. I felt sad for her.
@anniecole6923
Жыл бұрын
@@msr1116 It seems to be the way of it. Someone gives just the right words to send us into the actual reality of what we are living in. I am just glad you made it out safe. We are the lucky ones, there are far too many who never make it out.
@SiriusBMermaid
2 жыл бұрын
He sounds dangerous. I pray for the next woman who runs into him and can escape from him. He will hurt the next one worse.
@Analysis_Paralysis
6 ай бұрын
Yes, that's usually how it builds up. They become more aggressive and resentful with time.
@andreaanonymous5474
2 жыл бұрын
To whomever wrote the letter in this video, The truth is, Billy is not a good person. He treated you badly because that's who he really is. The mask finally came off. When someone treats you badly, it's them that's the problem, not you. It sounds like Billy may be a narcissist or a sadist at the very least. Someone like Billy would treat any woman badly if they stayed with him that's what toxic people do. Narcissists and toxic people are very good at presenting to be nice, caring and normal in the beginning of the relationship. The secret is, you have to become comfortable being by yourself first. Then before you date someone the next time, make sure that they are a good person. Watch how they treat other people, not just you. If they are treating you well but are jerks to everyone else, that's a huge red flag to run. They will eventually treat you like they do everyone else. Ask yourself do they really care about others? Are they concerned about you and your feelings? How about the people around them? Are they indifferent to everyone? The person you pick to bring into your life should treat you and others like you would. You only get burned in relationships when you let the bad people in. Raise your standards, look for the tiny red flags. If you wouldn't treat someone the way they are treating you or others, walk away. That's why I said you have to be comfortable being alone, it may take time to find someone worthy of you. DON'T SETTLE. If you settle you'll be hurt again. That's all that toxic people are good at. It's easy when we grew up around toxic people to assume that all people have these toxic traits, we are more accepting of others issues. Not all people have these toxic traits, you have to find the ones that don't. You have to find someone like you.
@franceshaggitt3104
Жыл бұрын
Great stuff...ty...I'm four weeks out now of hell. He was demonic and sicker when back....... Saw the words wicked web when reading to a child after I asked God who he was..it was
@eitim9533
2 жыл бұрын
When I heard the words "reading into things and being negative" I froze. I've heard those words over and over and over. Didn't make much of it till now - it's being dismissive of the person who is experiencing the feeling.
@abstract3213
2 жыл бұрын
@@redleeks6253 gaslighting
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
She just needs to work on herself and stay away from relationships.... Find a hobby and people with common interests...
@caffinatedirl8466
2 жыл бұрын
Honestly this man sounds evil. Im sooo glad Jenny left him! Pleeeease dont go back! Sexual abuse is a crime. Its so sad that the system does not take it seriously enough for women to be able to come forward and feel protected when they work up the courage to do so...I hope Jenny continues to work on her own self care and gets the support she needs to move forward into safer and more nuturing realtionships with potential partners in the future once she has healed from this awful experience. Stay safe jenny! Thank you Fairy!
@ceallly
2 жыл бұрын
There is nothing wrong with you. This guy is a monster.
@eminayiden
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for continuously pointing out her good instincts and intuition. It is so difficult to trust our gut feeling when you have cptsd and then later shame ourselves for not knowing better when in truth we did know we just did not trust ourselves enough. Having a daily yoga practice and just generally doing body work and somatic experiencing is helping me learn anew how to listen to my body and listen to myself. I am glad the reader escaped. He sounded like he resented her for the things he also admired in her, and like he punished her for his own insecurities. It’s a very dangerous recipe.
@ritadoran5039
2 жыл бұрын
Great advice 3 months to me is now a minimum requirement of time to try and learn anothers personality I have in the past got physical before 3 months Disaster always thank you so much you are brilliant advice Pretty blouse on you btw 😊
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
That is a great boundary! -Cara@TeamFairy
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
What is helping me is that I've found a hobby that increases my self esteem.. it works wonders too!!
@rachelb4235
2 жыл бұрын
The comments about being prettier, more easy going, etc. really hurt to hear because those are thoughts she's having about herself which to her, feel like they're based on truth, but in reality, are truths she believes about herself and then uses external experiences to validate. I just want to say to the writer that you are not unworthy. You are beautiful and I'm sure you have moments of being easy going. But you don't have to be perfect to be treated with respect and love. You are perfect the way you are. I hope that with continued therapy, those internal voices will go away and you'll start to see yourself for who you really are.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Beautifully said! Thank you for showing support to our letter writer. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@a.k.3110
2 жыл бұрын
Biggest learning: if i recognize thoughts that don't serve me, i fill up my senses with sensory positive input. Btw, that is why I feel a lot better when going barefoot. Grounding sensory input + have to watch for things that can hurt my feet = less capacity for intrusive thoughts... 💡
@hgfw9295
2 жыл бұрын
Yes. When I turned to little circus training to get my focus on a very basic skill of my body and shift the attention away from the negative addictive emotions. Learnt to juggle, learnt to keep on the rolo bolo and other good stuff....then I started learning the piano....again something to bring back the focus to positive act instead of sticking to toxic spirals. And yes. Going barefoot is one of those which help put all the heart into something so basic as watching our own body working things thru.
@Iquey
2 жыл бұрын
I also notice forcing my mind to focus on something else weirdly it re-regulates me. I have been using Duolingo and doing a practice lesson and a new lesson , it's like it forces my left brain to activate and pull me out of the right-brain nightmare cascade.
@nanaman
2 жыл бұрын
Earthing is one of my favorite things as well. I love your “Biggest learning” quote as well.
@lovearttherapyalways
2 жыл бұрын
Whoa!!! giving a chance to a guy that is physically violent!!!..this breaks my heart because I realize many abused women continue to tolerate more abuse! Run from those creeps! Run Forrest run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@godzillamanstreb524
Жыл бұрын
It’s so easy …..fear, children, no money, cptsd, severe abandonment trauma…..it’s a rough road when your leaving threatens your life
@lisacurtis8162
2 жыл бұрын
Everything in that relationship told her she was unlovable. When she was growing up, forming her image of herself, her parents lack of love(mirroring) told her she was unlovable. Everything after that proved it. As much as we might know better it's hard to shake. That's where I am and I'm still waiting for someone to come along and save me so that I know I'm worthy of love. No one came to save me and I'm struggling with knowing in my head that my parents were wrong and I am valuable but not feeling it in my heart. So I really don't believe with any depth that I'm valuable and loveable. And whenever I say anything about it to people I think I can trust they say"stop feeling sorry for yourself". That leaves me feeling alone and frustrated because I feel like they don't understand or care. I know that no one is going to come along and save me but what do I do now? It really helps to know that I'm not alone, that's why this channel is so important to me. Ty Fairy for starting this even when others said "what are you doing? Who do you think you are?" I watch every one of these I come across. ❤️
@dougcoleman8972
2 жыл бұрын
I am working on feeling loveable myself. My dad was alcoholic growing up and my mother was anxious. I struggle with feeling worthy as I still have issues with parents as adults. I'm not mad at them be it I can empathize with situation by thinking they went through similar stuff as me. It's confusing for me. Thanks for sharing
@lisacurtis8162
2 жыл бұрын
@@dougcoleman8972 it's amazing that you care about how they(your parents) feel. You're a caring person. The abuse you suffered seems to have made you more sympathetic and caring of others. You can love others, that's everything. I don't know if you have a higher power or not, but God will heal us. God bless you and keep you. ♥️
@mare2723
Жыл бұрын
Someone might come along to save you. Someone came along to save me and I’m still not sure what happened but he was the most affectionate nurturing and passionate guy ever but he would do subtle insidious things that drove me crazy and I had no energy when we were together and I saw a rage come out of me that I never thought it was in me. He had proposed marriage so when he did things that I knew I couldn’t marry it would cause a rage and a despair that I still shake my head at.
@lisacurtis8162
Жыл бұрын
@@mare2723 I want someone to save me that is 100% trustworthy. I hope that you find a 100% safe. That guy had a hole in his soul. I'm glad you didn't marry him.
@rubygrape98
2 жыл бұрын
This is exactly what happened to me, only eventually the aggression did turn physical. These people take you completely outside of yourself and you’re left feeling robbed of your identity, stuck blaming yourself, and unable to make sense of anything that just happened. Thank you Anna for putting such a confusing situation into words and taking the time to help survivors. It really does help to hear it even be described and put back into perspective by someone else.
@tbd5082
2 жыл бұрын
Yes
@Crgb777
2 жыл бұрын
😓😓💔
@DelightedSAfrican
2 жыл бұрын
If I may endorse what you are saying here, "Don't go back," speaking from personal experience, I fully agree. Quick background: Narcissic mother. Met my first boyfriend then husband at 15 when she forced me out of my room to meet him. She thought he was great. He thought she was great too. Married at 19. 3 children later, his ongoing violence, manipulation and suicide threats, as well as his self-absorbtion and self-gratification, totally excluding me, drove me to divorce him. Every effort to save the marriage ended in more violence including him attempting to abort our third child. My mother blamed me and took his part. I was primed for the next husband. He was far worse. The first was narcisstic. The second was a narcisstic psychopath. I had no idea. Took 20 years to finally understand. Married him after just 2 weeks! Divorced after 9 months of hell glued together by the occasional mind-blowing missing element in the first marriage. The strong desire to be loved repeatedly drove me back to him. I was taken in by his lies. Sadly, as pathetic as it sounds, a lifetime of not being loved for who I was made me so vulnerable. He was only there for what I owned. Parasitically, narcissits take everything they can from every relationship, discarding you once you are sucked dry. Blinded by his words, I re-married him! Disaster! A beautiful son was born, but with his pycopathic genes. Also adopted his son from his first marriage, (of his 7 marriages that I know about to date). He showed all the same psychopathic tendencies, even trying to sleep with me! I broke all contact with him. Our child sadly developed every psychopathic trait on criminal lists. Divorced a second time from the second husband. A psychologist called it self-sabotaging because every time I managed to escape, I went back to him. Repeated broken promises to my children cost me the trust of my first 3 children, which was totally agonising. Our beautiful but impossibly damaged and genetically harmed son committed suicide. My second husband bankrupted me. I suppose he thinks he has won, but I would not want to face God one day, if I were in his shoes. Going back cost me everything of value to me. No matter what, do not do it! Do NOT go back. Respect your reasons for leaving the first time. No matter what lies he tells, no matter how good the reclaim sex is, no matter the vows he makes, he is only there to get what he wants. Once he has his hands on your possessions, your money or business or children, he will discard you, treating you with violence and contempt. Leave as soon as you recognise what is happening to you. If you cannot break whatever hold he seems to have on you, as I could not, consider asking Jesus to cut the soul-tie between you. In my case it took a week of very serious prayer before a very dramatic end to our sick relationship. I have never wanted him, not even for one split second since then, but before praying, he controlled me completely for 10 years!
@dianacueto1992
2 жыл бұрын
Praise The Lord !!
@DelightedSAfrican
2 жыл бұрын
Amen!!!!!
@audreyandrea460
2 жыл бұрын
Keep up the praying, and study the faith as well. Peace be with you.
@KayciazWorld
2 жыл бұрын
I'm so glad the Lord intervened and broke those chains. God spoke to me about my ex as well. I stayed away from him and saw him for who he truly was. I thank God for his grace on your life and he'll send the right man for you. God bless!
@DelightedSAfrican
2 жыл бұрын
@@audreyandrea460 Thank you so much! I pray that you are set free, in Jesus' name.
@debrag.3900
2 жыл бұрын
The "C" word. That's the END.
@JulietCrowson
6 ай бұрын
I dumped him during lockdown then blocked him before he could call me that word, a word he uses to insult women who challenge him in any way.... 🦉🫂🙏🕊️🦋☮️✝️
@rociomartinez8666
5 ай бұрын
I would’ve cried on spot 😅
@yourconnection9303
2 жыл бұрын
The guy has the signs of a sociopath. And yes, as Anna mentioned - dangerous. Consider yourself lucky if you never run into him again. And if you do happen to cross paths, keep walking - fast. Period. As of now and this point on, forgive yourself for wasting your valuable self with with someone of this caliber, and thank your guardian angel for looking out for you.
@CJ-uk1rt
2 жыл бұрын
Omg, Jenny. You're so strong for focusing on yourself, pursuing your goals and dreams. He is an abusive person. Please don't blame yourself for the relationship ending. Please avoid people like him. Please continue being the beautiful, strong person that you are. Sending you so much of love❤
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
Good thing he finally left her alone so she can heal ...
@whoarewe7647
2 жыл бұрын
It sounds like this guy needs a therapist and some alone time for self-help too.
@whoarewe7647
2 жыл бұрын
Good luck to Jenny/jenni!
@im19ice3
2 жыл бұрын
i actually felt quite motivates and inspired by the story she shared, i personally am so often prone to let my feelings make my choices, and the willingness to just sit in it, as awful a feeling as it might be, soaking until it passes like a raincloud, was such a hard step, i cant help but respect taking that pain day in and day out with the fragile reminder that at least its old pain, that its better than choosing new pain to wake up with.
@CaliDreaming01
2 жыл бұрын
Way to go Jenny for the strength she showed in leaving Billy! She is so hard on herself, but I am so impressed and inspired by how she was able to break off the relationship cleanly in a relatively short time. This is so hard to do when you have abandonment wounds. Up to now it has taken me years to be able to do this. The lingering negative feelings will take a while to dissipate, but she is well on her way to healing. This was such an inspirational session.
@lowkeylibra
2 жыл бұрын
I feel for her and can relate. On another note, beautifully written letter. Love how clear she was about exactly what she felt and I loved her word choice.
@clancyk8497
2 жыл бұрын
I've had the hardest week. Faced two problems that I was so anxious about facing, losing my boyfriend of a year and a half and thinking I was at deaths door with covid. I'm feeling much better now! My ex came into my life when I was at my most vulnerable and controlled me from the start. I'm realising now as we've had days apart that I was in a toxic relationship. Why didn't I see it before? After a terrible scapegoated childhood my whole adult life has been trying to find love from a man. I spent years of celibacy also, getting over failed relationships. I thought with him being the first Christian I've dated that this is the one. How wrong was I. At 57 and being alone for the first time in years, I was a single mum for 20 years I had one relationship in that time. It's now time to stop trying to find the love I never had as a child and start loving myself! People from abusive childhoods I think will always have a gaping hole in their hearts. It's learning to live with it. I am a christian and I believe God has a plan but people who are needy because of childhood neglect turn to others for affirmations of being loved. I've decided to now look up and within for the love that I need.
@annebos4634
2 жыл бұрын
This sounds like an amazingly intelligent and intuitive person who just fell into the hands of a very manipulative and complete narc. I had a bf like that. I left a letter in which I broke up with him, otherwise he would have held me back. Just don't open yourself up too early yet until you really know someone next time. Everything will be fine.
@ebbyc1817
2 жыл бұрын
We never just fall into the hands of... The minute he called her the c word, she should have left. She didn't listen to her intuition. I think we need to be honest with ourselves.
@greendreem9684
2 жыл бұрын
@@ebbyc1817 I agree, we need to be more firm and strong in maintaining our boundaries. Leaving at the first sign of danger saves us a lot of unnecessary pain.
@TeamCat1128
2 жыл бұрын
Be strong Jenny. YOU’RE WORTH IT!
@MM-qg5xh
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for what you do! You are helping so many people, thank you very much!
@kimlec3592
2 жыл бұрын
it is not irrational to want to go back. humans need other humans. even if they're crap. we're all only human.
@pizzakrydder2515
2 жыл бұрын
Oohhh I've been there! You'll get sooo much better
@azcactusflower1
2 жыл бұрын
Good for you! Know your worth! The right person will honor your heart
@susancosgrove5010
Жыл бұрын
"Nice isn't necessarily good" a quote from a book by Gavin De Becker - 'The Gift Of Fear'.
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe Billy is a gangster who knows?
@anneboulton8717
2 жыл бұрын
He's totally a gangster ;)
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe she should shop around for a different therapist or for a 12 step group??
@kg2096
2 жыл бұрын
As always, your videos are so well timed. Currently trying to hold my ground against the flood of guilt I feel for walking away from a friendship with a person who has become deadly toxic over the last few years. It's confusing when someone you thought you knew suddenly shows who they really are and in order to save yourself you have to leave, but the whole time you're questioning if it's the right thing to do. Thank you for your insights and for reminding us how strong we actually are.
@refiloendlovu6518
2 жыл бұрын
Yeah and sometimes getting amnesia about their bad side..
@ebbyc1817
2 жыл бұрын
CT not only triggers feelings of loneliness or sadness post relationship, it triggers feelings of guilt, self-doubt (did I do it? am I the narcissist?),.. That's why the key is always to focus on yourself (myself), or you become your own trauma... Sometimes it isn't as simple deciding to go back, it could be how to handle the next text, the next call, the next time you see them, if you aren't able to cut them out of your life.
@CorpusKristieTN
2 жыл бұрын
GOOD FOR YOU JENNY!!! I NEEDED THIS!!!
@taghazoutmoon5031
2 жыл бұрын
abused or alone? not sure what is worse. i feel more depressed alone than when i was in an abusive relationship. makes me believe it's better to go back and stay in an abusive relationship
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Begin the work of healing your trauma and new doors will open :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@helenwarren5217
2 жыл бұрын
I had to learn to be friends with myself doing covid. I have my dog so we could go to the park at least 3 times a week,to get in touch with nature.I needed to feel the sun,wind ,grass which always make me feel better.
@catginger3984
Жыл бұрын
This is my problem
@TigerLilyNo13
2 жыл бұрын
Narcissistic behavior
@mintyhippo8125
2 жыл бұрын
I have felt this. I’m in a healthy relationship (I think? Well, healthier than all my previous ones by miles lol) but my mind still wanders back to the past people who were awful to me. I don’t want to go back to them; I understand that I would never want to go back to that abuse/they didn’t love me or respect me, but I think I just spent so much of my time in those situations that I get kind of nostalgic for it…? The situations were exciting for me… but only because I feared for my safety. I think I just feel incredibly bored and unfulfilled so I’m using those memories to escape to something that had a clear solution. (I.e., I know they are bad for me, and I should leave.) plus, I’ve never been in a healthy relationship so it’s so new, confusing, and foreign … It’s tough though because I worry that I think about them too much and it might worry my current partner. … I am conflicted because I know that I don’t want to go back to them even though I still think about them. … it’s tough because I don’t want to think about them anymore (logically), but I do emotionally. … That’s something I have to work on.
@amethystfire3076
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for saying that nice person one minute then mean the next, that that's how serial killers are. I will keep this in mind when I deal with this problem. Rather this all bull I am telling myself.
@jamirohertje
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you letter writer en your answer Anna. I needed to hear this! I am healing
@Freefolkcreate
Жыл бұрын
Yep you start thinking of the handful of great experiences you had and then you think maybe you got it wrong. That's when you have to remind yourself of the maybe years of 🐎 💩 you left behind.
@sobradodelobo
2 жыл бұрын
56 secs and I’m crying, the fairy delivers
@sobradodelobo
2 жыл бұрын
End of video, I am happy, proud of Jenny and me!
@jennifersilva7286
2 жыл бұрын
This is a really great video, Anna. Thank you for sharing this one for free.
@marygolden6192
Жыл бұрын
He is a monster. Danger, stay away! You are loved and must be treated better than he will ever offer. I don't believe he was being graceful by saying that he would be the bad guy or whatever, I think it was his last jab at trying to be the one in control and causing the hurt while acting like that's not what it is.
@Trenchant468
2 жыл бұрын
Video request: Based on your direct and outspoken feedback here, I’m interested in what role you believe therapists should take in speaking up to or assisting patients who are stuck in abusive relationships, especially emotionally abusive, which is perhaps less compelling from an outsiders pov vs. physical safety being at risk.
@kimlec3592
2 жыл бұрын
in Australia there is much financial support to leave. in America - not. it may be you need to stay to have somewhere to live, something to eat. i know it is not easy. i gave my life & time to my primary abuser - my mother. yes it has cost me psychologically. but the reality is most people are damaged just from living in an adversarial society. the thing is - these are attachment relationships - which when you have none - you feel it. no easy answer. we all only human. my mum was bad - but the stuff she went through made her the way she was.
@michekids
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I have someone who won't take no for an answer and is a protected criminal. As a recovered codependent, this narcissist was a perfect compliment. I am standing my ground and making progress moving my life forward by taking ownership of my shortcomings which gives me strength. The affirmation I receive by hearing the stories of others and your support gives me hope. Many thanks
@audfosutv2500
2 жыл бұрын
You are so empathetic Anna, and you share observations, truths and lessons with such compassion. Great video❣🙏
@elvansavkl7972
2 жыл бұрын
he was sick .
@candywilkins386
2 жыл бұрын
I was married to a covert- narrisst for 31 years! The damage is horrible that they do to their wives and children. Me and both of our kids almost died so many times. Fast foward - I'm divorced now since Sept 4th 2019 he is still manipulating our kids against me. I am totally no contact with him but still talk with our kids. They dont sse the manipulation from him,our kids are 28 and 24. Now ex husband is manipulating our daughter into thinking that I'm verbally abusive thru texting her. Anything that I say is turned around into me abusing her. I havent spoke to her since Easter. Me and my kids had an awesome time and he probably heard about it and he is very very jealous of me and my family especially my brother because he is a millionaire and he gave my kids little gifts etc. My brother was being thoughtful but I'm sure my ex hated it. I'm praying everyday that God will break the trauma bond. Ex husband commited perjury in court and insurance fraud several times and that last time involved our son and me. My son doesn't remember but i got my memory back in 2019 when God broke the trauma bond. Any suggestions about my situation would be soo helpful.- btw- son lives with him now but daughter and her boyfriend does not.
@funeralpoetry9541
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, Anna. You have helped me so much with your videos. Learning these things has changed my life. I finally have hope that I too can have a healthy, supportive, loving relationship. I finally have hope that I can be ready for that, be capable of that too. Thank you.
@blackthornsloe8049
2 жыл бұрын
Oh my God ! So sorry for the letter writer ! This man sounds like a maniac ! Truly dangerous ! Please don't go back
@lorenacazares5850
2 жыл бұрын
Omg !!!!!!!was feeling deeply depressed and very lonely ,going through the pain
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
We're with you :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@mlebrooks
2 жыл бұрын
As far as the letter. I think it's very clear cut rationally she made the right choice. I have no idea how to bring her feelings in line with what everyone agrees is a bad partner for her.
@kendrariedelrealestateprof2932
2 жыл бұрын
OMGI you're not kidding. I thought leaving would be the hardest... but staying away is making me stronger 💪
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly! We're cheering for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@suzesinger6762
2 жыл бұрын
My Narc. ...haaaated it when I told him things like, 'You DUPED ME ' !?!?! Guess that was kind of...'wacking him with ...the BIGGEST RED FLAG' - for his trouBLE. !?!? ;))))
@Getov3r1ttt
2 жыл бұрын
The timing of your content anna is insanely accurate. This is just the video i needed now. Thank you so much for all the work you are doing. Youve been able to help me so much more than any therapist has been thus far and ive only been a subscriber for a month.
@NKRAIEM
7 ай бұрын
Clarifying and Helpful ! I went thru this when I broke off from a GF. I felt so traumatized, abandonment and loneliness trauma that I went back to her 4 mos later. And somehow she was already in a 6 mos relationship with a new partner 😂😮. She was already dating someone while we were together...
@walter274
6 ай бұрын
You need to be told that your partner doesn't want to be physically suffocated? Like wanting to be suffocated is most women's default position.
@CorpusKristieTN
2 жыл бұрын
🙏🙏🙏 mine is 3 years of this death relationship.. ive been prisoner..😭🙏
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
It can change, we're rooting for you! -Cara@TeamFairy
@CorpusKristieTN
2 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 🙏🙏🙏🥰🥰🥰
@blueflower8656
2 жыл бұрын
This reminds me of my own story, so similar! So glad she got free.
@LavenderXRush
Жыл бұрын
There were so many good things shared and addressed here. Listening to her instincts being a very important recollection. The obsession about the blocking she feels.... I believe this man is absolutely dangerous in how he treated her more than once. The red flags are screaming, she should be blocking him. Healing happens at our own pace. But as I firmly believe now, women should put safety above all other things. A man who doesn't keep you safe in his presence should have a zero chance. No second chances. Ever.
@katautumn4474
10 ай бұрын
I keep blaming myself I can’t stop crying but I don’t want to beg for him back
@RoadRunnergarage8570
2 жыл бұрын
Or for me the great feeling I get when I finish one of my model cars I build....
@otismeotisme7987
2 жыл бұрын
Good for you Thomas, you just inspired me to put together a AMT 1963 Studebaker Avanti that has been sitting around for years, puttin together them is so relaxing
@helenwarren5217
2 жыл бұрын
My experience was pretty much the same.,with all my relationships..My family system was the same. I left him him and went no contact for more than a year and got my divorce..Last year for reasons i can't explain i reached out to him and he called severval times. I spoke to him M
@pecan_bun
5 ай бұрын
Billy sounds like a serial killer and con man. Controlling, all kinds of things. Stay single is my advice
@JohnnyWrongo-b9l
Жыл бұрын
I agree. Once you escape the clutches of a narcissist, Never go back or let him/her come back.
@jessecology
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Fairy- Love your work. XO, thanks much. *Uhm you may consider putting some kind of "trigger" warning on videos like this one. Devastating to hear some of that stuff. 🤍
@prarthanadurgam8646
2 жыл бұрын
This is such a great topic ..thank you
@bridgettetraveler658
2 жыл бұрын
Let them talk as long as we have peace of mind! Love yourself because u are worth loving & respecting! Get what u want & don't accept for what u can get! U can get anything! Just don't settle for anything less than what u want! Be BLESSED Precious Sister!!!
@金映孜
Жыл бұрын
This video is LIFE-CHANGING to me. In my last relationship, I fell for an NPD. He treated me the way my mom did, undermining me whenever I felt great about myself and wrapping this behavior with the excuse of love. At that time I was not aware of that and had no idea what NPD was. I just felt uncomfortable with him and unhappy all the time, plus I also felt he was cheating on me with his coworker. So I chose to leave. That left did not bring me relief. And After I see his coworker, I got a panic attack. She was so stunning, beautiful as heaven. I could not manage to breathe the whole afternoon even though I knew I have nothing to do with these two people and no matter how beautiful I or she is, he will keep on cheating to realize his false self-esteem. But I just could not figure out why I cannot breathe. Then I bumped into this video, everything became clear to me. I watched it at least 3 times. It made me realize that I wanted his acknowledgment so badly that I started to value myself with his judgment. And because she is gorgeous, I subconsciously know I cannot get that for my entire life. But this video made me realize it does not matter. I just fell for the same trap of self-approvement and repeat myself to experience the same trauma my childhood had left me. For my own good, I should leave. So I did. One month later, he wanted me back by calling me nonstop, texting me, accusing me, and after that, begging me to go back. I refused, stone cold. Little did he know I have already reached the core of my own issue. I do not need his approval now. But he will be in the whirl of his miserable life forever. Maybe that is the karma of manipulating me and I do not care anymore. Living my own life is my priority. Thank you so much for saving me.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Жыл бұрын
Oh my goodness. I know how much courage that took to change as you have. I am so glad you described what happened. It helps everyone here to see it really is possible.
@jenny_azoth
2 жыл бұрын
i was going to come here and leave a comment but it looks like a different Jenny beat me to it lmao thank you so much for this channel, it is truly an impossibly wonderful resource and has helped me clear up some really incredible mental fog with each passing video watched
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching! -Cara@TeamFairy
@sharonphilpott2971
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you 🙏
@Freefolkcreate
Жыл бұрын
I did the same thing. Got together a week before lockdown. Ugh, it's so hard.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Жыл бұрын
SO hard and we can change! -Cara@TeamFairy
@ashleykathryn9038
2 жыл бұрын
I've made a lot of progress in healing, now that I've relaxed back into my body the nightmares have started. It's always about going back and being re-traumatized. Him acting like he loves me to get me back then treating me like trash. All in one dream. I hope they stop soon
@Andwhataboutithuh
2 жыл бұрын
I’m scared. I’m trying to leave not only an abusive family, but an abusive boyfriend which means i will have absolutely nobody. How am i supposed to navigate moving away as a single 20 something y.o black woman? I feel like it’s only gonna get scarier. I’m also very worried I’m turning into the abuser now. I’m trying to quit drugs cold turkey, I think everyone is out to get me now and my guard is up 24/7 even with those who don’t deserve it. I have no identity except for the ones my abusers have given me. I grew up a straight A student, never violent or “bad” always had my head in the books and it just turned when i started feeling imposter syndrome in college and then immediate after my first abuser/rapist.
@theresacane971
2 жыл бұрын
My therapist told me to get a pet when I was able to separate from abusers. It’ll give you some connection, even if it isn’t human. It’s something to love/nurture that will love you back!
@talktaboo2me169
2 жыл бұрын
KB, I want to talk with you. I’m a black 24 year old woman and moved 14 hours away from toxicity ( family & all the bad relationships)I LITERALLY LEFT EVERYONE cause I knew if I didn’t I would completely lose myself…. ALL OF EM WAS OUT TO GET ME it was like I would attract these same evil spirits but in DIFFERENT BODIES. Im 9 months no contact but could’ve been 1 1/2 year no contact…. Smh BUT NEVER AGAIN. U aren’t alone K AT ALL ‼️‼️u just have to find those who identify w u… please don’t stay trapped nor keep making excuses… never be afraid to be alone. Let me know if you wanna talk I could surely use someone too… U got this ‼️‼️. God Bless you Queen 🦋❤️
@silviedragisic735
Жыл бұрын
I wish I had listened to this last year. This is exactly what I did and I’m paying for it now.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Жыл бұрын
I'm so glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@jeanette-and-ernie-atthe-a3271
2 жыл бұрын
Your Videos are exceptional.
@an-qo6by
2 жыл бұрын
Hello Crappy Childhood Fairy! I am a new viewer, and I am not sure if you already covered this topic, but I was wondering if you could talk about growing up in an emotionally abusive household. I have loving parents, who are good people- but who also happen to yell a lot when they are mad. I have noticed now, at the age of 23, that I have trouble with conflict, I am a huge people pleaser, my chest starts to hurt when someone raises their voice, and overall I can see how this is a huge problem. I have never been in a relationship, and I can see myself putting things under the rug out of avoiding arguments, disagreements, and speaking my mind. I freak out when someone disagrees with me, I get upset easily and I don't know why, I have low self-esteem, and when someone is upset with me I can't handle it and want to fix it immediately. It is all so tiring and I don't know how to fix these issues. I am not sure that is even possible, right?
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