Now, the game is delightfully simple: you’ve got a conker on a string, and so does your opponent. Your mission? Smash theirs to smithereens before yours meets a similar fate. No high-tech gear, no performance-enhancing conkers - the organisers make sure everyone gets the same nut, so no one’s sneaking in a secret hardening recipe passed down from their gran.
It all kicks off with a coin toss, naturally. The winner of this epic showdown of luck gets to decide whether they want to strike first or sit back and watch. But here’s where things get technical: you’ve got to keep at least 8 inches - about 20 centimetres, if you prefer - of lace between your knuckles and your nut. And if there’s any doubt, there’s even a gauge to measure it, because obviously, accuracy is key in this world of conker combat.
Each player gets three chances to wallop the other’s conker, taking turns. But beware, because if you manage to knot the laces - a so-called ‘snag’ - it’s not just embarrassing; three of those and you’re out, disqualified, and probably mocked for life. And that’s conkers. Silly? Yes. But then, what British sport isn’t?
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