I learned that being good at talking to people isn’t the same as making friends. I can talk fine to anyone, but don’t have too many real friends to hang out with or enjoy company. If you don’t share interests or have something to do together , it’s really hard to be called friends.
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
Yeah, that's why it's important to share vulnerabilities and more than just surface level stuff with people, and help each other out
@alman_gg
Жыл бұрын
@darker Thatd be an acquaintance for me
@isidorodaviddoro1920
Жыл бұрын
@darker for me that's a friend because this kind of behaviour shows that you like to be around each other so it's the perfect way for you to be vulnerable and Open yourself
@HanaMontana526
Жыл бұрын
That’s my problem😢 I’m fine at talking but don’t feel deeply connected to the individual.
@dragoscozma8651
Жыл бұрын
@darker Yeah that's why I think that being friends doesn't need the two of you to have common hobbies/interests but instead you need to have common moral values
@Maxhindle
Жыл бұрын
Honestly getting used to being on my own made me realise that I’m a great person and others are lucky to be around me, I addd value to their life and won’t just be friends with anyone
@ItsAryax
Жыл бұрын
real at one time I was a man who was a introvert, awkward & mentally ill guy & now I'm the most social in my life i approach anyone & start a conversation with anyone new & i feel the same way
@themannamedstan7401
Жыл бұрын
What a narcissistic comment. Don't know how you got 50+ likes
@skyler1469
Жыл бұрын
@@themannamedstan7401 i see it same way
@andrewwaldschutz4298
Жыл бұрын
Narcissism is a slim path. Be careful where you step.
@Richie131hun
Жыл бұрын
@@themannamedstan7401 Take the advice given by this video, don't judge without knowing his story. I can relate to the commenter because all my life I've been told I have to make connections and befriend everyone to be 'worthy'. It was harsh when I realised it's not true, there are so many energy vampires and narcissists that want to drain me of my energy because of my authenticity, which most people around me don't have.
@tayzonday
Жыл бұрын
My problem is that I am immediately vulnerable. I am serious as a heart-attack about my mental health journey, fears, confusions, and injustice critiques. I don’t hold back. Most people are more guarded than me. They cosplay confidence/wellness and broadcast a “LinkedIn” or “SEO-sterilized” caricature of their actual selves. Sometimes, they are incapable of introspection because they’ve committed to cosplaying the person who’s the leader. . . who gets promoted . . . who gets laid . . . who never weeps . . . who never needs charity and has never pooped their underwear in adulthood. I have no patience for people who aren’t immediately vulnerable with confidence. It feels like they are ninety percent of the population.
@Devorador_de_sonhos
Жыл бұрын
wow, calm down man, you can't just walk up to a person and expect them to open up and be vulnerable with you out of nowhere, that's crazy, you're still a stranger to them, you need intimacy and even people who are intimate can find it hard to be vulnerable like that. It has nothing to do with the person not being themselves, but with the fact that it takes time to build trust
@ythrip9127
Жыл бұрын
Bro ain't you the chocolate rain guy 😂😂😂
@orrhousecreative
Жыл бұрын
Tay, I don't believe that sounds like a problem that needs to be fixed, rather, a skill to be refined. Vulnerability connects and to ever truly draw others out to be vulnerable, you're absolutely right that you need to show vulnerability first, and with confidence. I can't speak fully for who you are or where you stand in life, what I can say though is that they are people who feel and undergo the same kinds of experience, and so similarly reach that sort of of conclusion in mind. The journey of self-knowledge, introspection, and growth is one that is confusing, and scary-not just to ourselves but to others, especially those who have spent their lives running away from those very things within themselves. Vulnerability does require tact, and it requires emotion. So often, we can become so comfortable of the darknesses and the vulnerabilities within ourselves that we forget the power that they hold, and when we display it to the world for all to see without limit, it can be frightening or overwhelming to many. I agree in your analysis of the corporate and sterilized world that so much of our society believes adulthood and life is. I feel that mindset and those patterns of being are disingenuous to who we are as human beings, disingenuous to the children we all once were , and still are inside. These things exist and they plague much of our society's collective unconscious. The world is changing, however, and the ideals and visions you project into the world shall take root and hold, and they will express themselves through those who have experienced you. The world might seem cold and empty to you now, but by embodying the force of the values you wish to see within the world around you, you serve to create those values for others, to spark that vulnerability and understanding in the people who's loves you touch. Thank you.
@enochjohnson3499
Жыл бұрын
Ngl, it is off putting to have someone tell you all of there personal problems from the jump. Whether we like it or not our actions and words affect how people see us, and that in turn influences whether they want to engage with us. Now you must ask yourself would you rather hang out with someone who exudes confidence and joy or someone who expects you to feel sympathy for them right after their first interaction?
@elaxter
Жыл бұрын
A lot of people are going to misunderstand your comment. I get where you are coming from. A lot of people *do* in fact don a persona when they interact with others. They lack a genuineness that is very distressing and very isolating. I feel as if I'm talking to someone's idea of who they are, instead of actually who they are. I understand why people are guarded and reserved. Not everything about one's personal life needs to be discussed; however, when we're talking about forming friendships and relationships, it's important to set those things to the side and engage with one another in a more open manner. How can I trust you as a friend when you do not open up yourself emotionally to me?
@lcmarina
Жыл бұрын
I use to try to be understanding, put myself in other peoples shoes & try to see the good in everyone but the truth is that most people are either narcissists or NPCs. I can’t keep trying to be purposely naive to that truth. When someone is deep & unique it’s immediately apparent & you don’t have to “try” to see it.
@kcx2678
Жыл бұрын
True!
@walkny5231
Жыл бұрын
Facts
@ragejinraver
Жыл бұрын
You just described me to a T being real and authentic is considered fake now
@Mike-uf6wf
Жыл бұрын
@lcmarinamusic I personally have hard time understanding what you’re comment means like are you saying most people are either boring/sheep that just follow trends and don’t think for themselves or they don’t care about any else and only care about themselves and is self centered (correct me if I’m wrong) The Words NPC and Narcissist have been overly used in today’s society where you see some traits of a person and just label them a NPC or narcissist like that’s there whole personality. If you saw me or talked to me in public you’re first impression of me might be that I’m a narcissist or a NPC (depending on my mood are how I feel that day or how I talk to you) but if you looked closer and learned more about me you would see that I have many unique aspects of myself maybe sometimes you do have to try and put yourself in peoples shoes because they my be just putting on a mask because they don’t know if they can trust you with there true emotions and personality.
@dustin1722
Жыл бұрын
What’s an NPC?
@Dylan-ko2gj
Жыл бұрын
This might sound extreme for some but when I feel anxious I take a second to stop and remember how silly this situation is in the grand scheme of things. The universe is indifferent and life is short so as long as you're being true to yourself there's nothing to worry about. It also helps me with compassion and empathy because I remind myself that this person also deals with the struggles of life; if I had lived their life, I'd likely be who they are in this moment
@Lanesra62905
Жыл бұрын
When I think about the indifference of the universe I get really anxious
@Dylan-ko2gj
Жыл бұрын
@Adam March I used to also and sometimes I still do. I meditate daily and it helps me make peace with it. I can not change it and feeling anxious or depressed just lessens the quality of the time I do have. All the best to you all we can do is try
@zeenoskills5743
Жыл бұрын
Honestly that’s such a beautiful way to look at it.
@Amberkiz
Жыл бұрын
Great perspective 👏
@TheDiscoAngel
Жыл бұрын
I think about that last statement you mentioned a lot. It helps to put yourself in someone's shoes and stop judgment.
@marylynn259
Жыл бұрын
My problem is the opposite, I had usually seen people first as human, I tried to connect with everyone in order to understand them. But I've learned the hard way that them being human isn't really an excuse to be a jerk towards me or anyone... It cost me a lot, a lot! I'd like to see others as vulnerable, but I'd like them to see me as human too. And I know that many people act as "fake" but aren't, but many are just fake. No amount of me understanding them would change, unless they change. We're all in this together, any relationship takes two people or sides.
@zeenoskills5743
Жыл бұрын
Trust me I feel you
@Elven.
Жыл бұрын
Exactly. I would try my hardest to see people inside the meat suits and kept finding nothing. And worst, I almost always get taken advantage of. I hate and resist being cynical but I can't find any alternatives
@las9582
Жыл бұрын
I refuse to deal with people that behave that way anymore. If they don't work to understand and better themselves I won't be around them.
@phosspatharios9680
Жыл бұрын
Yes. It such fascio-capitalistic to imply that there is always something YOU can do about anything in which YOU don't have any say in. Personal responsability can only go so far. Sometimes everywhere you go smells like sh!t because indeed everyone there has soiled their pants, against all statistical odds, because culture has unloaded everyone from the responsability of calling others out for soiling their pants, thus creating a false perception of all problems come individually and exclusively from those who are suffering from those problems. Self-improvement is History's most succesful gaslighting campaign.
@johannesalexandrius5749
Жыл бұрын
you are not alone feeling the same
@nameless.greyceo
Жыл бұрын
Social media has destroyed everything worthwhile about humans
@r.pres.4121
8 ай бұрын
Our over dependence on social media destroyed human interaction not social media itself.
@stefanroche3052
8 ай бұрын
No, HUMANS have destroyed everything worthwhile about humans 😭 I agree though
@thuglifeinventor
6 ай бұрын
Whether it's social media or society or family life sucks so bad because of backstabbers fR
@nameless.greyceo
6 ай бұрын
@@thuglifeinventor fr?
@thuglifeinventor
6 ай бұрын
yup for real@@nameless.greyceo
@ArtofInteractiveEntertainment
Жыл бұрын
The problem is that no one is being authentic for some reason.
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
lol everyone wants to be on top of the hierarchy. Human nature.
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
Though that hierarchy changes. These days it’s the most “morally pure” in some circles. Funny how even trends of being “open and accepting” become a trend about who is most progressive and inclusive and kind lmao
@JazzyJ96771
Жыл бұрын
It actually bothers me a lot that many are not willing to look internally and analyse themselves to a point where they start changing their lives, into ones that they want to live. You're absolutely right when you say few people are willing to look that deeply at others, and even fewer are willing to look that deeply at themselves. Self-analysation, self-assessing, being introspective, whatever you wanna call it, it's always come naturally to me. I grew up in an environment where one day something would upset my parents and the next day, it didn't bother them. Where I had to extremely analyse my tone of voice, my choice of words, think through my actions and constantly look within, because from previous experience the world judged me based on how I did certain things. So being analytical and looking within is something I *had* to do from as young as 6 years old. If I didn't, it meant I'd be shouted at, punished, isolated, socially excluded, hated for the wrong reasons and so on. Not many people are gonna see this, so I'm getting it out in this comments section. The world is fake for sure, everyone's obsessed with impressing everyone *but themselves* . Some people are living in a Black Mirror episode.
@GabrielleTollerson
Жыл бұрын
WELL SAID!
@johnfields428
Жыл бұрын
Couldn’t say better myself, well done
@nightfallkittie
Жыл бұрын
Wow this is so true! I had pretty much the same childhood. Honestly, it's sad to think about the toxic childhood but having to walk on eggshells all my childhood also helped me with developing my inner and outer world observation. I find most people from emotionally healthy families don't have this habit of introspection.
@Kya-Kitsune963
Жыл бұрын
I can actually say that I relate with your statement.
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
Ok mrs wise one. You are just so much more enlightened than everyone else. Please tell me you are a ceo or something impressive? Otherwise this wisdom you feel is purely in your head. Where is the real world succsss it’s led to? Inner peace? Lmao
@PablosPill
Жыл бұрын
This is actually so profound. Getting to know yourself properly is so powerful because it takes your subconscious (norms, beliefs, actions...) and makes them conscious. This is the only way to truly change. If you are unaware of what there is to change, you can't.
@Scoped21
2 ай бұрын
I 100% get this. This is something I’ve been doing for around more than a year now, long before this video. And it’s very nice. You have far more control and understanding over yourself.
@goatlps
Жыл бұрын
7:30 I used to be gregarious and interested in people, but most people are only interested in themselves nowadays, and have no other interests, no get up and go. Humans are extremely egotistical - that's why most people are depressed - because they feel entitled to a better life, whilst doing nothing to deserve it.
@zeenoskills5743
Жыл бұрын
Facts. Sending love my bro ❤
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
Agree man. People are so ego and status driven. And conformist. I find it soooo ugly
@jessicajackson8954
Жыл бұрын
Living in Cali I have an issue making friends due to not smoking or drinking. People fail to realize I can have just as fun sober, but no one who parties give me a chance.
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
I’m sure there’s plenty of sober peeps in cali. Just might take longer to find them
@jessicajackson8954
Жыл бұрын
It's not necessarily finding sober people it's finding people who will accept me with common interests.
@Daveighna
Жыл бұрын
That sucks.. Sadly I'm not from Cali. We would can just walk, talk about something, or don't talk, and just walk😅 but I wish you the best anyway!💙❤️ Hope you will find good people! Good luck! 🍀
@mrfixit8776
Жыл бұрын
Yep from LA and the same way
@MA-gq1rq
Жыл бұрын
Do you look for friends outside of your age range? Personally I have fun talking to older women, and mostly customers from work
@unnderneath
Жыл бұрын
7:35 I like that you mentioned this. How many times have you heard/seen someone say “I’d rather have no friends than friends who make you feel alone” which, sure might be true but not every friendship is like that. There are few and far between but it is possible to have meaningful genuine friends. Too much alone time isn’t healthy.
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
For most people, I'd have to agree
@agustin5650
Жыл бұрын
yeah I agree with your statement
@Delta-Snake
Жыл бұрын
Almost every friend I met had their own insecurity that they projected in me by bullying, betraying, spreading rumors, setting me up etc. I thought the whole world is like this and there was no such things as friends, But I discarded that feeling when I realized, they were just insecure and wanted to feel powerful in some way. I am just born in the wrong place to have actual good friends
@unnderneath
Жыл бұрын
@@ColeHastings btw this is completely unrelated but what are the specs on that lovely PC you have in the background?
I'm 24. My depression has reached such a point of critical mass where I've rubix-cubed my life and my thoughts about everything that's happened so much that I realized my brain cannot and will not just accept and move on from the injustices I've experienced, and my bitterness towards humanity grows day-by-day.
@d.minaru7707
Жыл бұрын
Channel this and become an angel like role model. Save others from the downfalls you've experienced
@slaturwinters1828
Жыл бұрын
Lol welcome to the club kid
@reflectionOfLyf
Жыл бұрын
I can share my story here, I quit social media during Covid. Went through a lot of personal loss at that time. However I got to know who are true and nice people, who really care about me. When we go through darkest of time only a handful of people stand by you. That’s all you need: A very few family and friends.
@haidenmorgan
5 ай бұрын
Big samesies rn
@PrettyPrincess9609
Жыл бұрын
This video came at the RIGHT TIME because this is how I been feeling like for a long time. It seems everyone is fake now especially on social media. It seems like almost everyone is out for themselves and don’t care about anyone else but themselves. It’s simply what they can get from you. This is why I only have a few close people in my life ( my grandma and boyfriend ) because I don’t trust anyone else. I’m also tired of fake one sided friendships.
@LifeGameDesign
Жыл бұрын
I've had a set back in my self improvement journey after diving into too much red pill content, those negative views on people is exactly what I started getting. I need to rehumanize people and the way you talk about those stories for them and even for myself is such a cool way to do it because I love and resonate with the style of writing it out like a novel. Thank you Cole. 💚
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
Good stuff man. Thanks for watching the vids
@roxycocksey
Жыл бұрын
Same! For the past 6ish months I’ve been cutting that content out of my life because it was making me so bitter towards people and angry. I’m much happier now not consuming the red pill rage p0rn every day. I realized how much of a hypocrite I was being and finally actually started thinking about things for myself.
@LifeGameDesign
Жыл бұрын
@@roxycocksey What have you replaced that with in terms of content?
@eckz8659
Жыл бұрын
I am glad you said this. I've had to make a concious effort to get away from this as well. Not that a lot of it isn't true or real, but people aren't that simple or black/white and it ruins your image of people and ability to connect with them totally. I agree 10000%
@doodiewagon
Жыл бұрын
I love looking at the world in this way. It helps me feel humble and stay curious. Sadly many people don’t change because they are unwilling to look beyond their inner emotions, even I at some points. Thanks for sharing this with the world, more people can benefit from this kind of thinking.
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
much love
@pantherman8719
Жыл бұрын
Nah im good. Don't open up unless you ready with the right person. I learned most ppl don't give a shit. Until it's about them.
@RC-ol8qg
Жыл бұрын
Just to add some more nuance, some of these thoughts and beliefs are a reaction to NOT having the skills of being able to see the bad motives in others and being repeatedly abused, taken advantage of, and in one-sided relationships. So it’s not only that people maybe couldn’t see the good in others since they were a child. Some of us are pre-disposed to that and have unfortunately had to learn through experience to adapt to the reality that not everyone will have your best interests in mind.
@nuqjatrh
Жыл бұрын
Much appreciated for this perspective
@ekintoy1662
Жыл бұрын
Deeply relating
@sp123
Жыл бұрын
Yes I am a bad judge of character if they are interesting/novel
@jeannezinman8994
Жыл бұрын
I agree. Learning about agreeable vs disagreeable people from Jordan Peterson has helped me with this immensely.
@Chezzalicious
Жыл бұрын
So true. I’ve come to realise this is me
@Glynson
Жыл бұрын
People don't understand the work that goes into making these videos. Good job, brother.
@youknodavibes9601
Жыл бұрын
fucking beautiful cole. its insane to see the depths that your mindset has gone to over the past few years. this is some profound shit that actually helps people subconsciously and long term rather than the typical "masks" we see in so much self help content. you have a way with words bro.
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
Thank you brother
@traveloasis8389
Жыл бұрын
He does! And a lot of people still missed the boat on this one. But maybe, like you said….subconsciously.
@sevendevs2253
Жыл бұрын
This is the mindset I grew up with, basically just the fact that I feel a gigantic universe deeply inside of me and the knowledge that I am human, others are human, therefore they must at least possess the potential to experience the same depths one can uncover in life. Thats also the mindset that brought me to randomly go up to strangers, talk to them, as i just wanted to explore who they are. Painfully, the build up of certain stereotypes is inevitable if you do it like me and get them confirmed again and again. Today, the average person in their usual state does not wake my interest in them directly. And its okay like that. Everyone has a story. And everyone has the potential to explore a never ending inner world. But I learned to differentiate between who dove into the abyss and those that never took the leap.
@zeenoskills5743
Жыл бұрын
I find you very interesting. I’d like to talk to you - give me your discord
@MatthewRumble
Жыл бұрын
I had a long term friend who i recently became vulnerable with. He stopped talking to me and ended up ghosting me
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
That is the unfortunate truth about being vulnerable. Many people are afraid of that vulnerability, and if they haven't done the work themselves, won't be able to handle yours. What it really means, is that he probably wasnt the best friend anyways.
@Gaze73
Жыл бұрын
He was just an aquaintance then, friends don't do that.
@thelaziestbee
Жыл бұрын
Oh, I'm now here dying to know what did you tell him? I think it happened many times with me, without me even knowing.
@miguelgoncalves1871
Жыл бұрын
I'm 14 and i have extreme social axiety, tanks a lot for your videos, now i'm making progress, never felt so secure socializing!, keep doing what you like to do! and your videos! love your content 😁
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
glad i could help! You should be proud
@miguelgoncalves1871
Жыл бұрын
@@ColeHastings in my daily life for the last few years I have felt a certain depersonalization as if life were not real and I was watching a movie, sometimes during social interactions I lost focus and stopped thinking, now I don't have great friends, and a lot of people looks at me sideways and doesn't like me very much, I don't know if it's because I'm more reserved but my percession is that the people around me, especially at school are rude, the teachers the students the staff, I hope you can read my comment and give your opinion, what should I do about it?
@isidorodaviddoro1920
Жыл бұрын
@@miguelgoncalves1871 well i AM not cole but if you are getting this vibe from them why don't you talk to them to confirm this?perhaps it's just in your head you need to find out
@miguelgoncalves1871
Жыл бұрын
@@isidorodaviddoro1920 tanks, maybe i'll try that 👍
@ragejinraver
Жыл бұрын
I thought this was just me because for years . I've been saying to myself am I doing something wrong do I have weird social issues . And I had to be honest with myself I said these people are nothing but a bunch of fake sheep . Realness and authenticity is considered lame now . That's why it's so hard to find good authentic people because we're so rare
@AxlAX
Жыл бұрын
Very true
@raydiaz2772
4 ай бұрын
A dying breed these days honestly. Everyone else basically sold out or gave in to the rat race.
@kepstein8888
Жыл бұрын
I don't think we are obligated to have compassion or seek better understanding of nasty people. There are plenty of us who have been through a lot, but don't manifest it in mistreating others. Don't waste your energy harboring anger towards your ######## boss, but don't waste your compassion on those who don't deserve it.
@thehuman2861
Жыл бұрын
Not everyone feels like a fake, I'm glad that I can differentiate between real and fake people Thanks to the pain I've been through 🙏
@StoicNature444
7 ай бұрын
It’s funny when you take interest in someone else’s life but on the flip side when you mention interesting aspects about yourself they could easily inquire about they not only don’t validate it or ask you about it. This is when you realize there’s no point interacting with this person.
@Black.box_mc
Жыл бұрын
I'm generally a very open person and I know how to give constructive negative feedback, but I've met people who get into my life without letting them and I think they know what's best for me. I have only met profitable people who use me and who laugh and spy me. I know what I want and want and I'd rather die than deal with such people!
@prestonpaulk3569
Жыл бұрын
It's crazy how every video you make hits me right when I need to hear it. I appreciate your work man, more than you know, been helping me for years now.
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sticking around for all these years. You’re a real one
@zillobeast5257
Жыл бұрын
You can try your best to understand people but if they don’t reciprocate the effort it aint gonna do shit
@FGF-om6nm
19 күн бұрын
I learned that I am an empath half my life ago. Since then, I don't allow myself to get too close to anyone because most people are spiritually draining.
@doomerredemption
Жыл бұрын
There is infinite depth in every living individual (even in that one guy we don't like!) Everyone has a unique, rich story of struggles and triumphs :)
@joshuabuchanan1141
10 ай бұрын
Not true
@bkblindside3884
Жыл бұрын
This is one of the few videos from you that I didn't take away what I thought I would. I just don't see how people's personal stories or unknown variables about others makes them come off as fake. Even the comment section is all over the place with no one discussing the title or even the finer points of the essay itself. This video is more about connecting with people on an interpersonal level. I'm just gonna guess the original title was a wash :) Despite the disconnect between the title and the essay itself it's still great content and a mindset worth adopting.
@actionjackson2721
Жыл бұрын
Seeing people as fake is a result of not seeing them as a human just like yourself. You only see your consciousness and what you’ve gone through so all your actions are internally justified. However, seeing other people’s action you might see them as fake because you don’t see what trauma and experience they’ve gone through to react that way. For example, you talk to a girl at a party and she just seems avoidant and shallow, I’m unable to talk about anything deep. So you think they are an “NPC”. What you don’t see is how they’ve been hurt by people in the past so they behave avoidant in order to not get hurt. Or they think you’re just another dude in college trying to get laid so they filter you out. Fakeness on their part is more of a witness on your inability to see the humanity in them. Doing more is not necessarily always good, in this case step back, forgive and see them as a human.
@shriyasirivolu6352
Жыл бұрын
@@actionjackson2721 damn bro that was insightful. love how you worded that
@kylespevak6781
Жыл бұрын
I would love you to make a video about what it's like to be somebody who thinks like this that has to constantly interact with people who are only on the surface level. It's really compelling to be able to look into other people and not take things they do or say so hard but at the same time when nobody else is doing that for you it kind of makes you feel alone in a way
@canchero724
Жыл бұрын
This is most people. It's a frustrating journey and eventually you get fed up with the same superficial dance with people who are unwilling to dive into real talk after weeks and sometimes months of surface level talk
@ashfaqueibneawal9310
Жыл бұрын
But showing too much vulnerability can get you exploited
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
for sure. its important to know when its appropriate vs inappropriate to be vulnerable
@Justineyedia
Жыл бұрын
People are rarely who they pretend to be. The ego is not the master of his house. People are pretending a lot of the time. People have more than one ego, and each ego has multiple personas. The world is a stage full of actors, performers, and entertainers. Personalities are superficial because most ego's get their personality from the TV, entertainment, Social Media or music industry. Delusional. They are looking for recognition on social media get famous somehow. Unrealistic expectations on life.
@petarslavoroduzasny
Жыл бұрын
There is also a kind of people that are real, but they dont show it to everyone. So if they get asked some personal stuff, they answer with lies, just because they expirienced that telling the truth about themself ended up badly and people laughed at them or tried to change them or to put their thoughts or passions out of them. So there are people that are real and honest, but just to people that deserve the realness and honesty. They usually dont trust all people in general. Only close and longtime friends or people vibing high like them (real recognizes real). They also tend to respect people a lot when respect comes back, even when they are completely different and dont have the same opinions. They also have something like a feeling trough expirience for knowing people just after talking 2-3 senteces with them. They can exactly tell if someone is real or acting a role to use people for his own purposes. The easiest way to spot fake people is their smile. They tend to fake their smile a lot.
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
Agree bro I see the world exactly like you and it’s fake as f. I’d love to have cole’s view but it’s honestly delusional feel good nonsense. Most people are self interested and ego and envy driven and just looking to increase status
@amadeuscrossing7061
Жыл бұрын
I see myself, and I see people who have sold their true selves short. Because they don’t value their true selves in a similar way I do. I feel empathy for them, and it makes me sad they choose to go into the world as dishonest and disconnected character they had to imagine so a generalized and bland collective can accept them
@MeatEatingVegan777
10 ай бұрын
That last part really resonated with me. When i was a kid, i was extremely negative and not happy. Grew into an adult that had absolutely no trust in anyone, no interest in people, and even hated them. At my worst, i absolutely despised people and wanted to arm myself against them. I wanted them far away and I slightly feared them. Funny thing is, my life wasnt horrible and I didnt suffer immensely from anything. I just felt alone, insecure, stupid, incompetent, worthless, frustrated and miserable in my childhood and it carried over. And it was all towards myself. I took it all out on everything else and expressed it elsewhere but i recognize those intense feelings in my adult years were just projection. Im not conpletely better, but i kanage my emotions a little better.....except at work. Having the Lord in my life and a very loving, incredible boyfriend has helped me to trust and see the good in people and life more. The Lord gave me his hand and saved me from the extreme hatred that almost took me. And my boyfriend helped to bring me hope, and remind me that there are good people still. Thank you for the video. May God bless you.❤
@tayzonday
Жыл бұрын
Also - unrelated question: how many titles/thumbnails do you prep and A/B test? I think I’ve counted three so far? Are you using VidIQ and/or TubeBuddy?
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
If a video is doing really poorly, I’ll honestly keep changing title and thumbnail until something works or I give up for a while
@tayzonday
Жыл бұрын
@@ColeHastings I would be worried about how that impacts or destabilizes search ranking. But it might be that maximizing click-through-rate at any cost is the most important metric during the first twenty-four hours- and that when you maximize KZitem’s sample size of people who watch the video . . . It doesn’t rely on thumbnail/title to recommend it to others because it draws from much deeper data for retargeting.
@MRGUSTAVOCHICKENFRING
10 ай бұрын
@@tayzondayi see you everywhere, it's we're 😊into the same sort of stuff 🤣
@Just_a_Lad
Жыл бұрын
Most people are indeed fake NPCs. They might be a bit different if you get to know them, but they're still NPCs in general.
@Arachnidsgripper
Жыл бұрын
"🤓☝🏻"
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
@@Arachnidsgrippercope
@Fran_Away
Жыл бұрын
I normally just listen to KZitem videos. But with your channel I feel like you put so much love in the editing that it'd be an offense not to pay attention to it. Great content!
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
I really appreciate that. I love the visual aspect of it
@AxlAX
Жыл бұрын
@@ColeHastings you're a lovely sight to behold so why not watch instead of just listen. 😁
@gretakovacs
Жыл бұрын
I've read a book of a hungarian psychiatrist on trans generational trauma, and it helped me find the root causes of the issues I have but it also made me aware of how other people might have become who they are and why they act a certain way by taking into account their experiences You have to come to terms with yourself before you can know others
@data-0151
Жыл бұрын
Gabor mate? Who's the autor/book?
@gretakovacs
Жыл бұрын
@@data-0151 Noemi Orvos-Toth her books have gone mainstream lately, but what she writes about still holds up
@jasonwilcox6637
6 ай бұрын
I lost EVERYTHING due to doubling rent, at the end of the day we only have a few true friends, and thats all I need. ❤
@merncat3384
Жыл бұрын
That line didn't just hit young men to their core, it also hit this young lady to her core.. I was in my early twenties and struggling bad when I saw that movie and it definitely had an impact
@PeteS_1994
Жыл бұрын
I followed your advice and just journaled after an incident that made me feel bad. I’m kind of socially awkward, diagnosed autistic, so as a result I avoid social situations and have became a hermit despite not wanting to be. I want to be a healthy, fit person. This situation is like a reinforcement to avoid going out. After journaling it, still have to do more, it reminded me of how much anger and repressed sadness I have. I am afraid of opening up about it as it seems weak and if I did I have to take some accountability. Idk why that feels bad. It feels bad to be wrong despite the fact that we are all imperfect. I haven’t resolved my issue. It’s built on years. But I came to the conclusion that I need someone that would listen to me. I am hesitant because in the past, even therapists, before I was diagnosed autistic would either dismiss what I was saying or see my issues as not a big deal when they were a big deal to me.
@thegroove485
6 ай бұрын
Sometimes people just have different personalities. Sometimes there just isn't common ground. We're not meant to connect with everyone. That would be utter insanity. Seeing someone's common humanity and respect for that alone is enough for me.
@AlbertCamus-r6i
5 ай бұрын
Being fake is what makes the world go 'round. Gotta be fake to make friends and tangible social connections - lest you upset/outrage someone, then they can't stand to be near you.
@whynot1548
9 ай бұрын
Most people around me, in my age group, are either faking everything or are soo closed off that they're more like androids than humans. I often responded to this with a mad inner paradox. Sometimes, I'm outgoing and vulnerable......until I am knocked down by other people's indifference or cruelty. Other times I am as closed off as they are, to the point where they're---understandably put off. And in both cases, I am left alone in constant mourning.
@aggiesart6
14 күн бұрын
I think it is most important to be compassionate with yourself. Then you reacting different to the world. You don't have to have lot's of friend. If you are yourself your best friend. And you have a loved one, 2 friends and some family and a great hobby you are so lucky. I was so long to empathatic to people. Always thinking how it is for them. Now i'm happy to be myself. And so funny, people walked away, never heard again. Some people stayed and some new people are there. Just be happy with yourself and show some compassion for yourself. You are doing great!
@lindamatus4429
Жыл бұрын
I am sick and tired of being open and authentic with people who then start judging me on every little thing. So many people seemed to be threatened by my “isness” and wish to slap shoulds on me and it really pisses me off. If I enjoy sitting on my porch eating pie you can bet there will be judgments about sitting too much, pie being unhealthy, or the best one: having too much time on my hands. Most people are unhappy and insecure with their own choices so they are going to make a pastime of critiquing yours, and then you’re supposed to call them “friend”😕🤷🏻♀️
@EternalKorvo
5 ай бұрын
All my friends completely switched on me years ago, that fueled me and made me the person I am now.
@Purple_skies9633
Жыл бұрын
Hey Cole, I love your content. You're so insightful and well articulated! Do you think you could ever make a video on one-sided friendships or conversational narcissism in friendships and how to overcome it? My struggle with making and keeping friends is reciprocity. I enjoy listening to people, empathizing with them and supporting them but I get easily drained when none of my efforts are returned. Like it depresses me that I can't remember the last time someone who claims to be my close friend simply asked me how I'm doing. We only talk about her life, and whenever I try to talk about myself, she ignores it and goes back to talking about herself. Am I a bad person for struggling to maintain friendships like this?
@mikemyon3570
Жыл бұрын
Geez Elise, how can you be a bad person when you are genuinely interested how your people are doing? The thing is, I know that myself. I'm usually the one asking questions, being interested, active and engaged. And like you, I have a couple friends who barely ask how I am. The thing I understood is, it's nothing personal against me. It's maybe just how they are as a person, being different in their nature and maybe never have been in an environment as a kid, where you frequently ask each other how you are doing. You know, in their family, kindergarten and stuff. Maybe they are not used to this. Anyway they are either not used or so full with their own stuff that they simply don't think about asking or not paying enough attention. So what I can tell you is this: First, you decide if that hits & hurts you or not. You gotta know that you are unique and obviously a caring person, which you should consider valuable and and loving for your surroundings. So in my world that's a positive thing. So in conclusion, if someone either asks or doesn't ask you - It doesn't matter anymore, since YOU know that YOU are great, loving and a cool person. That's your decision you can make yourself, becoming independent from what others do or don't. Second, if you believe they could pay a little more attention to you, you can also let them know. In a friendly and sovereign way. Which is much easier & charming to do if you got the point above covered. What could you do? Let's say you meet your friend and ask how they are. Now they answer. And keep going. And going. Then you can say with a smile "Friendly people now ask me back, how I am." :) And stay silent after that sentence, looking in their eyes. You might see something happening and they might become aware. The other thing obviously is, if I feel somebody just likes dumping his mental crap at me and shows no real interest in what's going on with me, I walk away and reduce contact. It's another conscious decision you can make. Adjust the dosis of contact with that person. And if they put in a little more compassionate effort, then you also open up more. The thing is, the more you give away your time, compassion and love just like that, for free, the less many people give in return. So there is value in rarity, you know? So hope that helps you out. You will learn, adjust and do your part to deal with that, no doubt!
@mikemyon3570
Жыл бұрын
Btw, how are you doing? :)
@megaexidor
Жыл бұрын
Majority of people are, not aware or present & without understanding. AKA emotional immaturity. So Deal with it🎉🎉🎉
@ifyourepeatalieoftenenough8500
Жыл бұрын
Corona is proof😂💔
@saintx5933
Жыл бұрын
i was feeling super down and i was searching for videos on how to make friends and boom this video pops up on my notifications. Tysm! ❤
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
I gotchu
@zeenoskills5743
Жыл бұрын
Sorry Cole, I’ve been a bit absent due to work and needing to address some problems, but what an amazing video. Please keep up with this genuine content people like me are so much in need of. This video was very well put together. You’ve done an admirable job on educating people that your reality is a reflection of the inner world you’ve curated. However, I think we need to bring to light that human relationships in general have degraded drastically. If I’m to summarise it and say my points without expanding them, we’ve become extremely selfish, isolated & individualistic. Due to the insane amount of addiction we’ve normalised in terms of LIVING in the digital world, it’s far easier for people to amuse themselves through technology than to invest time, sacrifice & effort into genuine human relationships. We’ve lost patience altogether with the speed & instant gratification this modern world allows us. I mean theoretically a person can even sexually keep themselves satisfied through technology (porn), that’s how much it has governed our lives. Wanna feel good? Load up some feel good music or some funny videos. Want to be stimulated? Play video games. We can create these emotions digitally without much effort at all, and so we’ve lost a complete sense of human connection as we all are spending so much more time alone. Even those that hate it, they are still spending a lot of time alone, in their own little world of whatever interests them through algorithms. I mean relationships today are a complete mess & nightmare from so much immorality, selfishness, ill intentions and this is supposed to be the PRIMARY source of love & companionship, so what is to be expected of general relations these days? I mean look, I’m not here trying to water down the work you’ve put out here. The truth is, everything you’ve said is true. But the other truth is that FEW people will do the work that is going to get them BURNED. Yes, if you develop, and grow and truly fortify yourself with this understanding & wisdom, you are DEFINITELY going to get hurt because the majority of people ARENT going to. It’s monkey see, monkey do. And these monkeys sadly sit on social media all day consuming filth, and this has created extremely self interested people. From THEIR sexual pleasure, their vibes, their general pleasure, their ultimate benefit. And the slightest annoyance that they may bare with you, which is mostly you simply NOT serving their interest, they dip. They ghost you as if you didn’t even exist because they NEVER look at themselves. They never see what sh*tty selfish, immature & self obsessed individuals that they are. It’s a Me Me Me world, and the sooner you catch onto this trend & direction and ACCEPT it, the less you’re going to suffer. I think it’s just foolish to expect friendship in a world which doesn’t know the value of it. I know this sounds negative, but after many years of having my heart consistently broken by friends as well as lovers, this is where I’ve arrived. The problem also is that even we - the ones that complain - hold a level of selfishness too. You can see it in the comments “I’m choosing ME, screw these other people!” - this pretty much fuels the entire movement even more. Religion, morality & faith United people whether we think it’s true or not. These things are absent in the modern world, and the love of God not being in people has manifested in the form of this dysfunctional, self obsessed, narcissistic & immoral world. Just my 2 cents. I don’t expect anyone to simply accept what I have to say. Feel free to reply & offer any dialogue, im lonely too. I’ve just accepted being alone & concentrate on the good things of being alone. Man you’re better off alone & at peace than to be around people & experience so much pain in your heart due to their dysfunctional and selfish behaviour. It’s illogical to choose company that harms you over being alone, when you can learn to love yourself like nobody else is going to in this new modern world. I know it’s not easy, I know having friends that love you and understand you is a treasure we all could do with, but understanding why everyone has become so dysfunctional & so can’t offer you friendship is important for you to understand so you can accept being alone & enjoy peace anyway. Lord be praised there are so many people out there that are starving everyday in 3rd world countries, they have no food to eat, no home to sleep in, no clothes to wear, simple blessings we all take for granted without even batting an eye lid. These 1st world problems in the grand scheme of things aren’t really that big of a deal. Learn to be grateful for what you have & you won’t care about what you don’t have.
@United_Wings
Жыл бұрын
You've actually helped me with your old videos and now I have friends ❤
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
That's awesome
@OdysseyNaafiri
Жыл бұрын
I'm not going to go around asking people's past like I'm studying them to give sympathy.
@bananaspilt1988
Жыл бұрын
You don’t have to do that my friend. Once you have empathy and compassion for yourself you realize that everyone has struggles and we’re all sharing common goals at the end of the day. We all want to feel accepted and loved. And once you have that perspective you feel more connected to people and have empathy for them as well. Sorry if it sounds like I’m shoving this down your throat lmao I really still don’t understand it my self but I think that’s what he was trying to say.
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
@@bananaspilt1988delusional view. A lot of people are genuinely highly selfish, ego driven and prideful. Stop trying to sell him some fantasy about humans
@bananaspilt1988
Жыл бұрын
@@southpoor5716 I mean that’s just a pessimist mindset if you want to think like that go ahead but there are good people out there not everyone is a piece of shit. But I can understand where your coming from
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
@@bananaspilt1988 certainly not everyone, but I believe more people than not are like this
@jpxart2836
Жыл бұрын
This video hits hard about knowing oneself it helps us define who we are why are we here and the purpose of what we do everyday. People always have their own dreams and ambitions that they want to achieve real soon and I believe that we don’t have to be frustrated bitter about what’s happening but be happy about the people we have that makes us feel positive and happy about ourselves. Yes we can make friends and associates but we have to pay attention and look into them to see if they are helpful and non manipulative and helps us uplift ourselves rather than shame ourselves . It also starts with being empathetic and cordial but not too nice.
@phosspatharios9680
Жыл бұрын
"I don't think they have an objective view of Humanity" What if YOU don't have an objective view because people have hidden their true colours from you by seeing strategical value in not mistreating you? For all you know, you don't know anyone, you just have a good impression of everyone😊
@MA-gq1rq
Жыл бұрын
You sound hurt
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
@@MA-gq1rqwhat’s wrong with his point? It makes total sense. People are fake and act strategically
@LoluEternalCouple
9 ай бұрын
The truth is I'm don't live in a true love and true friendship world Parents, siblings, relatives , teachers, classmates, love friends etc everyone is fake. I just screwed up my life by chasing after the illusion of love and friendship on these fake people who only comes in life for sexual or financial benefit. I live in a material world where people aren't natural but plastic. My only trusted things are me ,self awareness, self improvement, bookworm mentality and telling myself to work even when things go bitter Studying is as bitter as cocoa But it's concept and result are milk chocolate Maturity is when you realize in generation full of fake people, a good book is your friend
@GreyOatmeal
6 ай бұрын
Well said
@Kaien-itis
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for advocating your own flaws and experiences in these videos, it really does show us the human side of things and how even through self improvement perfection is an after thought. It's a goal in the back of your mind just so you keep climbing knowing you won't be stagnant in one place, but with constant up's and down's. All this to say thank you for fixing the young generations mentality on life and self improvement.
@MillennialJo
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for cursing me with the awareness of the neverending ringing in my ears which will continue to haunt my everyday life, slowly driving me towards madness
@Leto85
Жыл бұрын
What an amazing video once again. And yes, this is exactly how I look at people. Everyone indeed has their own story which is only be interesting for you as well if you allow yourself to look at them in the right light. And even more beautiful and intriguing is the fact that their story isn't even over the moment you met them. Just last week I was in the changing room at the gym ready to leave when I got in a chat with another man who trains there. He just let the sauna. We chatted a bit about the sauna, which I don't really remember the details of anymore, but then I noticed his tattoos and started asking questions. I didn't ask questions just for the hack of it or just to hold up a conversation; I was genuanely interested in the those tatoos and their stories behind them. Since we already knew each other he opened up about this, but I've noticed that asking about tatoos, piercings, and jewelry people are wearing awakens some very interesting stories when you're open to it. In his case it turns out that the Chinese letters were his zodiac sign and the three arrows were a reflection of that sign, as well as the three lines that made up the entirety of that tatoo. Stuff like this only works if you are genuinly interested in the other person which is very simple to do by just acknowledging their existense, being respectful and simply just choose to love them. Especially with strangers.
@eyes1168
Жыл бұрын
your videos are genuinely so high quality, it shows how passionate you are about this, you have a bright future on here.
@lanebashford3982
8 ай бұрын
I love to cook big meals, eat, nap a lot in my recliner, and watch Hallmark movies and play loads of computer games. I don't give a damn about hanging out with others, I'm into relaxing and down time. I avoid others and their nonsense and fake lives.
@Crime_Mime
Жыл бұрын
I don't often comment, but part of your video strikes me as similar to some other ideas I've been mulling over recently - both the idea in Eastern spirituality that we should strive to "see ourselves in all people and all people in ourselves" because we're all individual manifestations of the divine Atman/Self/One, and the complimentary Christian idea that we should seek Christ in all people, because we're all made as a reflection of the divine image, or as the fractal faces of a single diamond.
@snowpant.s3023
Жыл бұрын
Mr Rogers always kept this quote in his wallet "There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story." -Mary Lou Kownacki
@tigerscott2966
Жыл бұрын
People are more programmed than ever before... Example: Those that still social network all sound and react the same way.... You have to avoid these people or it will be unpleasant...
@ifyourepeatalieoftenenough8500
Жыл бұрын
Yes, 💯
@berkefeil5646
Жыл бұрын
I see how a more comprehensive and compassionate outlook on other people can be beneficial in this regard, but sometimes people long for a form of connection that cannot just be had by (almost conceptually) trying to ‘get closer’ to a person. Sometimes, the cognitive dissonance becomes so severe that one doesn’t even want to bother having a different outlook; your current feelings may tell you something about yourself and what _you_ feel is lacking in certain social connections. And for that reason I think it can be perfectly fine to say to yourself, from time to time, ‘yeah, people can be quite fake, making things unnecessarily difficult for the ones who try not to be! But that doesn’t stop me from going about it my way!’, you see?
@Cclokeanddagga
Жыл бұрын
The real cause of are modern problems is that we are living in a post enlightenment paradigm..The tabularraza that we are blank slates to be worked on.. This idea is half false, its not true but it can be made to become true. This happens when, through various means, the people are made to take the symbolic representations of reality in place of actual reality and so everything becomes a social construct.. The deeper you fall into it this the more your intire reality is manipulated. This cuts you of from your intuitions, from your human essence.. This is what leave people feeling empty or like there is somthing profoundly wrong with the world We have natural human intuitions why do you like deing hugged? Why do you not like deing hurt? etc... The idea of cause preciding effect, numbers, basic ideas of motion, morality and God are all human intuitions.. You can think of culture as a kind of accumulated knowledge ment to help you quickly adapt to the reality of life. It is ment to be based in human experience. Modern culture is unnatural and constructed from the top dawn, it should be more properly called social engineering.. Knowledge and awareness are whats important. Knowledge you accrue over time but your awareness can be limited or have blind spots which then effect your knowledge. The best exercise to help in all areas of life are exercises that expand awareness. We live in the fabric of society, businesses governments institutions, its all just people, human being just like you. When you expand your awareness you can intuitively gain knowledge of the world because its just knowledge of people, its intrinsic.. These ideas are from the book cultivating power: the art of self development its by khan khattak you can surch for it in amazon if you like for more techniques but hears one that should help you. In the book it say if you want to expand your awareness so you fully percive all the social ques and can speak beautifully when it count not just with people your very familiar with. You need to cume up with 3-4 scenarios where you would naturally feel in danger. Once you picked your 4 scenarios remember them and when your ready visualise them in order dont try to force the feeling aggressively just go through each of the scenarios and then keep switching between them at RANDOM and the emotion running throughout will become amplifyed on its own antil it becomes real. Stick with one scenario and in this intense state imagine trying to talk your way out if the situation. Rest and repeat for 3 set and don't do the exercise again for 2 weeks over a short time it will expand consciousness and bring you new skills..
@Majinken
Жыл бұрын
Hey Cole you should totally do a video about overcoming malignant shame in the context of relationships
@onthepath501
Жыл бұрын
Right in bro !! In my thirties I started being more compassionate the people and understanding different avenues of life from every different walk .. and now I couldn't be happier I understand Life as a game Anheuser the higher force that helps me get through it everyday and im at tottal peace
@DGRK712
7 ай бұрын
Wow this video has opened my eyes I feel like I’ve been so stubborn to people that have told me that the way I act is not normal. I’ve always told myself people are shit and every time would do something bad I would say phrases like people will be people When you straight up described why people are like that it hit Home you described my childhood that made me realize maybe I do need to reevaluate this
@teroyselfhelpjourney3661
Жыл бұрын
Writing a story. Nice. That’s a good way to really sit with and feel the emotion. Because let’s face it, it’s not the story or what happened that drives us crazy, it’s the suppression of the emotion underneath.
@liahknowsbest5092
Жыл бұрын
💡Went off in my head." It's me; It's me, it's me. Oh Lord standing in the need of prayer💯🙌🏽💪🏾🙏🏽
@courtneygillespie1187
3 ай бұрын
Are you happy alone? No..... but what else am I going to do..... people don't care about other people because life is an individual journey.
@noahpotts9599
Жыл бұрын
Not sure about this one. I think you are correct in saying that once you know yourself really well you can begin to start seeing and empathizing more with others. However that does not mean you will see things that you like or that will build strong community / social spaces. The reality is most people do not know themselves, they don’t allow themselves to be expressive or anything out of the materialistic normative culture. I think this is most easily seen in dance club culture. Where very few people dance and just stand around. Dance is the quickest way to tell how well somebody knows themself and is willing to express it.
@MA-gq1rq
Жыл бұрын
I think the community building comes when you share knowledge with those people. If they dont understand themselves, ask them questions to see if you can get them to start thinking about it. Also I dont dance in front of other people but I dont think that should change how people see me, not sure what you meant by that part
@smegmatic308
Жыл бұрын
Perhaps as a crude cruddy stereotype but you can't point a finger at a person standing around and assume they're clueless about themselves because they're not dancing.
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
This shows you to be closed minded as hell. Dancing is the true way to express ourselves? I don’t like dancing, I don’t like watching people dance, and it’s not involved in my life at all. For me, I find fighting and sport a greater display of someone’s true selves. Their grit, determination, skill, emotions, resilience. Especially mma. Despite this, I don’t feel like every human has to compete in mma or sport to express themselves truly. Even if I think consensual fighting is the highest form of human expression and bravery
@ThingsILike12
Жыл бұрын
I like the write a story part. It’s similar to journaling. But I’m not sure seeing fake people is proof that something is missing or I’m not in tune enough with myself. People are incredibly fake. Where I live, people are extremely fake, right down to their body parts. It’s not me not knowing myself. It’s their being fake and self-involved. Too much compassion in these parts gets you exploited and set up. But writing a story about situations where I’d suppress the emotions sometimes is golden. Thanks for the great content.
@angelspawn7734
Жыл бұрын
Love the way you put this. I am of my own path of enlightenment, Ive heard similar things before but the way you put it makes sense to me. Ive had trouble being compassionate, I usually lashed out and called people names and talked about them because of certain things they did or how they acted. Whether towards me or just in general. Even to the point where my relationship has been often in turmoil and it was even in danger of ending which I know we both don't want. I need to switch my mindset and look at the world and people differently. Some big changes are coming and have been happening inside me. Thank you for this video and for helping me see this more clearly.
@Christina2tw69
Жыл бұрын
I’ve always wanted to be seen as who I am a person rather than the roles I participate in. I used to and still tend to overshare, where my emotions on my sleeve, practice transparent reflection in admitting my strengths & faults.. It took awhile to realize the system of “wearing masks” and how people perceive me is not within my control. I learned “the {societal role} are {preconception}” is something that will always be put on me, and whether I choose to be confidently vulnerable or practice using a mask , I still have little to no power to truly change how others perceive others. You touched on a common perception. People will assume I am (and other people in general) are “corporate drones” when maybe they are on autopilot or maybe as a nurse, waitress, dmv clerk, attorney, etc you wouldn’t really last very long or be able to maintain ones own mental health if you got immediately intimate with every client you interacted with with the sheer intent to humanize yourself.. some people dehumanize people into roles and then get frustrated with the impersonalability of others. It’s a bit paradoxical but its a very subconscious process. I agree with you that, a big part of that is “when you don’t know yourself its hard to know others”. When we address people and/or perceive them as the group or role we see them participating in rather than as individuals, it often speaks to our own insecurities or our own internal grabbling of what our roles are or what they mean for us or even our performance of said roles. The answer is not to just request people to “be less robotic” because, as a person who is very open and comfortable being vulnerable, even with that people will still deduce me to the role I participate in. Instead if you want people to seem less masked or robotic, you have to put effort into changing your perspective from “how they exist in your life” to “how they exist in their life”, then reflect upon your automatic assumptions to ascertain the accuracy of your perception and be flexible in your perception.
@coltenkelso5764
Жыл бұрын
It’s good to be somewhat vulnerable. It depends on the situation. What’s the level of the relationship? You’re obviously not gonna tell your coworkers your deepest darkest secrets compared to say a best friend you’ve known most of your life. People definitely put on these “nice” faces. They are just a mask though. People will use stuff against you.
@Scoped21
2 ай бұрын
You know, this is something I believe I might already do subconsciously. And if so, this video explains it very well.
@EmptyHeadspace_123
Жыл бұрын
Have you ever heard of a MBTI (Myers Briggs type indicator)? I am an INTJ INTJ to this sort of behavior kind of comes naturally to me.
@kr3642
Жыл бұрын
A lot of autistic people are INTJ as well.
@EmptyHeadspace_123
Жыл бұрын
@@kr3642 what does this have anything to do with this????
@kr3642
Жыл бұрын
It means either look into it or don't.
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
I’m INTJ too. We are extremely analytical and observant. The guy above is probably jealous, since we are the most successful type
@joejoe77547
Жыл бұрын
Empathy is the highest form of intelligence
@ronbronb
Жыл бұрын
My experience and observation is that people are fake, useless, or, harmful is the reason i see them as such.
@Arachnidsgripper
Жыл бұрын
"🤓☝🏻"
@southpoor5716
Жыл бұрын
@@ArachnidsgripperI mean he isn’t far off the mark. Let’s see a pic of you, cool muscly guy
@adrianherj
Жыл бұрын
This video appear to me exactly in the right time. I used to always complain and only see the bad shit in people. The moment I start treating everyone with the same level of respect and compassion like I would treat my brothers, mom and grandma, they start to show the most beautiful side of them. Like you said, everyone is going through an internal battle. So treat them with respect and be completely understanding about their situation. This will make everything easier. Also like in the book of the four agreements... See everything through the eyes of love.
@soleil2185
Жыл бұрын
omg... I've tried to explain this idea so many times and could not have put it into words as beautifully and as clearly as you did. THANK YOU (I apologize for the LONG comment but this video got me thinking about something I've been trying to articulate and I feel it's somewhat relevant to the discussion) One thing I also feel is that ""nowadays"" using this kind of compassionate detachment is also INCREDIBLY useful to becoming a critical consumer of news/media/information and navigating political arguments in general-- On one hand, if you have enough dignity to recognize that you can be mislead by the info you read, and that you aren't always right (and can acknowledge... the personal reasons you may have been too eager to believe a particular story etc..), it will be much easier to detach from that idea and move on from it -- because you realize being wrong is a PART OF LIFE and that different factors make us vulnerable to misinformation despite our honest effort. It sounds simple, but just think of how many people will REFUSE to believe it when you tell them something they thought was true is incorrect.. and if someone doesn't allow themselves to fully the feeling of being wrong, they never really reconcile with their basic human capacity to be genuinely mislead, or lack oversight. This can apply to people who adopt a "blissful ignorance" outlook on life too, I think-- as it can feel safer to never look into things simply because it feels disappointing to find out they are a lie-- rather than questioning why they felt a strong enough attachment to the story to cause that reaction in the first place. When you have experienced the embarrassing, annoying, cognitive dissonance-filled moment of finding out something you proudly believed in- was wrong (EVEN if it was just some stupid Facebook story or tumblr 'fun-fact'..), in my opinion you are in a MUCH better position to create a space where others will feel unguarded with their opinions and thoughts/ideas, because the stakes don't feel as high. And hopefully both people can develop a more complex understanding of the truth because the critical engagement doesn't end when one person is 'proven wrong'.
@d.k.borelli8267
Жыл бұрын
this is so true, i just discovered this mindset 2 months ago and everything has changed
@grahamiverson3346
Жыл бұрын
And this is why I’m subscribed to you
@kriss939
Жыл бұрын
I just discovered your channel but everything is all making sense to me. The things I often thought about is cleared up with so much logic and reasoning. I’m at peace
@Cclokeanddagga
Жыл бұрын
The real cause of are modern problems is that we are living in a post enlightenment paradigm.The tabularraza that we are blank slates to be worked on. This idea is half false, its not true but it can be made to become true. This happens when, through various means, the people are made to take the symbolic representations of reality in place of actual reality and so everything becomes a social construct. The deeper you fall into it this the more your intire reality is manipulated. This cuts you of from your intuitions, from your human essence. This is what leave people feeling empty or like there is somthing profoundly wrong with the world. We have natural human intuitions why do you like deing hugged? Why do you not like deing hurt? etc... The idea of cause preciding effect, numbers, basic ideas of motion, morality and God are all human intuitions. You can think of culture as a kind of accumulated knowledge ment to help you quickly adapt to the reality of life. It is ment to be based in human experience. Modern culture is unnatural and constructed from the top dawn, it should be more properly called social engineering.. Knowledge and awareness are whats important. Knowledge you accrue over time but your awareness can be limited or have blind spots which then effect your knowledge. The best exercise to help in all areas of life are exercises that expand awareness. We live in the fabric of society, businesses governments institutions, its all just people, human being just like you. When you expand your awareness you can intuitively gain knowledge of the world because its just knowledge of people, its intrinsic These ideas are from the book cultivating power: the art of self development its by khan khattak you can surch for it in amazon if you like for more techniques but hears one that should help you. In the book it say if you want to expand your awareness so you fully percive all the social ques and can speak beautifully when it count not just with people your very familiar with. You need to cume up with 3-4 scenarios where you would naturally feel in danger. Once you picked your 4 scenarios remember them and when your ready visualise them in order dont try to force the feeling aggressively just go through each of the scenarios and then keep switching between them at RANDOM and the emotion running throughout will become amplifyed on its own antil it becomes real. Stick with one scenario and in this intense state imagine trying to talk your way out if the situation. Rest and repeat for 3 set and don't do the exercise again for 2 weeks over a short time it will expand consciousness and bring you new skills.
@trappart9209
Жыл бұрын
Hey, Cole, it is really important and needed content right there. For so long I was trying to learn how to manipulate people into liking me and I was sometimes being nice only because I wanted something nice in return, not because I was sincere, compassionate. Now, as I learn how to take care of myself and change my negative beliefs and habits to ones which serve my wellbeing, I am starting to let go of need to be ideal and trick people. I allow myself to be me and feel and experience whatever it is inside me in a healthy and constructive ways. I allow myself to be the true me, accepting all my feelings and experiences, letting go of the need to achieve particular things which I lack right now, accepting my life as it is instead of running away from reality. Being yourself and accepting your life as it is requires sacrifice. One has to sacrifice their ideal image of happy life and let go of pursuit. Instead it's better to experience life, connect with people and yourself, make things happen
@roberthornack1692
Жыл бұрын
We all need more empathy for one another, which allows us to see our collective humanity, otherwise we can never be successful in overthrowing those sociopathic forces that seek to destroy us.
@joshuabuchanan1141
10 ай бұрын
True
@ComputersAndLife
Жыл бұрын
The way I got to this same place had a lot to do with starting a business that deals with the public. After dealing with several thousand people through almost a decade, you really have a lot of opportunities to delve into other people's stories, hopes, and dreams. At the end of the day, we are basically all the same. We just want to be able to live and die on our own terms.
@Ccb780
Жыл бұрын
Great video, but video aside I find that the more work I do on myself the MORE I feel like people are fake. It can come from me knowing about their struggles, but really I believe it's simply a failure on their part to reciprocate naturally in the situation. Connection isn't always about relating to personhood and can also be about surface level stuff.
@michaelmclain7049
Жыл бұрын
i just discovered you. I can tell you put so much into these videos. I feel really blessed to be able to view them and become inspired to treat myself with more compassion.. one of my biggest dreams is to tell the stories of others, and i do feel like i'm "locked out" of others people's hearts because i'm not allowed in my own :(
@seiteki4672
Жыл бұрын
Ngl this is my favourite channel for mental health help as it really helps me self evaluate myself and see what I can change about me to improve myself :))
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
Glad you’re enjoying it
@rjflores438
Жыл бұрын
I live in Manchester, UK. It is known for being friendlier than London as it is a Northern city with a far smaller population of about 2 million as opposed to the 9 million in London, however when I ride the metro to work I see the same blank stare on people scrolling on their phones, ignoring each others existence. This is especially true of women, even when I have tried to begin a conversation with a woman on the metro the earpods go in halfway through, there is disconnection everywhere in our modern society.
@adamsekanina61
Жыл бұрын
I must say that your videos are pretty awesome Cole. Been watching you for a while (could be two years by now) and I really must admit tat your video creation has improved a lot, of course with your own self and storytelling. Just keep it up, keep the grind, keep the work and effort you put in them, because it pays off, as I see.
@ColeHastings
Жыл бұрын
Extremely grateful you’re still here after two years. Thank you Adam
@Mienarrr
Жыл бұрын
Dude, your content is awesome. I‘m gonna be honest even though it sounds arrogant, I felt like I had seen videos and read books about every possible angle of self improvement, mental work on yourself and general psychology relating to these topics but you bring in a breath of fresh air, which still leaves me being inspired to view things from a different angle. And/Or try more practical approaches to my problems. Thank you :) Glad I found your channel!
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