50yr old who just learned I am autistic. So much ego got in the way of figuring that out for years. I remember begging for help as a youngster in elementary school, but gave up after being told I was just shy for years, and no one cared to check if it was something else . I remember the day I realised I was gonna have to be a full time actor just to appear normal. The pandemic gave me a real mask to wear so the actor skills went away and I'm kinda lost now. You are so brave putting yourself out there. Thank you!
@navigatingthespectrum
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for your kind words! I hope things get better for you soon. Unmasking is not easy, I’m trying to figure it out as well. Best of luck on your journey❤️
@autisticexpressiongenx
Жыл бұрын
47
@onerandomguy4832
7 ай бұрын
The "people know something is off about me but can't point what is", is so relatable.
@NFSMAN50
Жыл бұрын
Im also Neurodivergent too, and being on a higher functioning side was a major challenge growing up, you feel like an alien in society, the odd one out, and everyone has a script, and you don't, you are looking at it from the outside and people wonder what is wrong with you. I've overcame lots of obstacles even though it wasn't easy.
@navigatingthespectrum
Жыл бұрын
That’s exactly how I’ve felt too, thank you for sharing❤️
@jliller
Жыл бұрын
I think it was Paul over at Autism From The Inside who used the term Alien Syndrome. If you've ever sincerely thought you might be from another planet because humans seem like a different species then you're almost certainly autistic.
@colleend80
Жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh, me too. I always felt like I am either an alien or a foreigner from a different country. It is also interesting that you mentioned a script which everyone had but you. Because it is one of my recurring dreams where in my dream I am acting in a TV show but everyone but me have a script. I am the only one who had to improvise 🤔
@steveneardley7541
Жыл бұрын
I wasn't diagnosed, but experienced myself so much as an alien that I had Klaatu as my vanity plate (after the alien in The Day the Earth Stood Still). I also had a jacket with a picture of UFOs attacking the earth. My best friend in high school, who was probably also neurodivergent had a dream once where a UFO landed, and the aliens came out, walked up to him, and said, "It's time to go home." We were both into absurdist drama and Dadaism.
@WilliamAlanPhoto
Жыл бұрын
You are lucky. I didn't figure it out until I was 60. Don't get too caught up in the popular notion that Autism is different for girls. I've watched many videos claiming this, and I resonated with nearly all the reasons people are saying this. Yes, there is a different cultural expectation, but the disorder itself is not different. The main reason you were able to mask, is your obviously high intellect. You are able to identify what is happening around you and adapt yourself (in an attempt to fit in). This is a great skill that our "lower functioning" brethren don't have available to them. There is still a lot of misinformation, and old ideas around what Autism is, and who is Autistic. I've been met with a lot of friction by people, and even health care, and mental health care "professionals" who think I present as a "normal" person, since I don't look and act like Rainman. I just found you, and I'm enjoying your well done videos. Thank you for posting.
@pariahmouse7794
Жыл бұрын
I am in the same boat, professionals think I am bipolar because my mother was diagnosed with that (I don't know now if THAT was accurate, hers was more rooted in crazy deep CPTSD and substance abuse to escape that, I think she may have been on the spectrum as well... We'll never know now, she took that with her...) Masking is a part of me that I am only just starting to separate and unravel, but autism/ADHD explains EVERYTHING, all the "quirks" mental issues didn't explain, all of it- and I was very withdrawn in school, but I was smart enough to fake my way through, thanks mostly to my reading ability and comprehension, and now I can't manage to hold a job without unraveling or descending back into the alcoholism that carried me through my 20's and very early 30's- I WON'T, and CAN'T physically do that again, so I am up against a wall, lucky enough that my boyfriend supports me, and I can do my horse chores to earn money for my lessons, but if i ever had to support myself I would end up homeless, it's so scary not having my mom and grandma alive anymore, they kept me afloat, and understood when no one else did, diagnosis without them will be hard, but I need to KNOW, I mean I am almost certain, but I need support that only an official diagnosis can bring... It's a point of pride , though, my masking, and it's so hard to not do it- I need to go into the diagnosis super tired and stressed out, then it'll show no matter how hard I try to hide it, haha...
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
I got diagnosed with Autism a month ago at age 48. I was angry at the school not because of Autism (only people with higher support needs were diagnosed then) but because they kept telling me I was a good student who didn't need help with mental health issues. This was proven wrong when I was sent to long term treatment in a psychiatric hospital. Unfortunately the schools fail a lot of people for various reasons.
@artemisXsidecross
Жыл бұрын
Hello, it is good to read your comments here 👍
@navigatingthespectrum
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing! Yes, unfortunately that’s true. I hope you’re doing much better now❤️
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
@@navigatingthespectrum Yes, I am doing better. It is a long journey.
@puppyprism
Жыл бұрын
that frustration of being failed by the school and the system is so real. i've seen lots of mental health professionals over the years for various things, and have been told things like "if you really were autistic then one of your teachers would've noticed" and "if you've seen so many doctors/ therapists in your life why did none of them pick up on it?" and that really hurt because it seems they believe those experiences say more about who i am rather than my own words and struggles, if that makes sense. it's just been such a difficult process all around. thank you for sharing your experiences
@RedSntDK
Жыл бұрын
It's probably an overlooked paradox tbh, like "A neurotypical child would've figured out they themself were neurodivergent", and "why wouldn't the child have stated that these experiences seemed out of the ordinary so we could've known?"
@jliller
Жыл бұрын
I asked a doctor for a referral to get tested for autism. "You can make eye contact with me so I don't think you're autistic." Autism advocates in the last decade or two have been so busy raising awareness of children with low-functioning autism they massively dropped the ball on making the public aware of high-functioning autism.
@Tilly850
Жыл бұрын
@@RedSntDK It's so simple because we thought everyone else thought like we did...and couldn't see the difference, just that we didn't "fit". Oh, and nobody was asking or listening to us...that played a part. You do well in school and you must be "fine". I'm autistic as all get out and got straight A for the most part. Paradox for sure!!! I only now, at age 65 see the answer to the question. Does a fish see the water they swim in? I will not ask for a diagnosis. I know that it won't matter anyhow, and my doctor will pooh-pooh me for even asking. I will simply TELL her I am autistic and she may want to take that into consideration when I am under stress or given medications. It still won't matter though.
@TheWillHadcroft
Жыл бұрын
I self-diagnosed as having Asperger syndrome at age 33 after reading an article in "Doctor Who Magazine" (from the BBC sci-fi series "Doctor Who") and listening to synth-rock musician Gary Numan talking about his own self-diagnosis. It explained so much about my secondary school life, my obsessive behaviour, and my intense social phobia when starting my first jobs. I was formally diagnosed when I was 38. I identify with your frustration expressed here. Once you have autism confirmed, you will feel like a weight has lifted off you.
@iakolysh
Жыл бұрын
I'm 25 and a self-diagnosed autistic man currently seeking formal diagnosis too but in Russia. I live in Saint Petersburg which is a huge city that has plenty of medical professionals around but it has been hard to find a psychiatrist who deals with adult autism. Unfortunately, most of them(there is still hope) don't seem to care about autism unless you are visibly disabled and seeking emergency help or I guess disabled status for benefits. It is very fortunate that you dodged a bullet by moving to a country where people actually care about mental health or individual human life in general.
@user-hi8rg7bl2s
Жыл бұрын
May God give you wisdom and direction and truly helpful human along your path
@edwinwinkler5090
Жыл бұрын
I'm 41 and think I finally found out why I've been different then everyone else... I've done a good job at masking enough for it to go unnoticed but it's getting harder! I just can't do life like everyone I watch doing life!
@m0thdm
Жыл бұрын
So much of this makes sense. I hope your channel blows up because this is really important! Please keep us posted also with your career choices and stuff like that.
@navigatingthespectrum
Жыл бұрын
You’re so kind, thank you so much!❤️
@sheaballard3022
Жыл бұрын
I don’t know about your Finnish, but your English is excellent. Except for the slight accent, you sound like a native speaker. I, too, had a really great mom who would speak for me when I couldn’t. Sadly, she passed away when I was 23. Not being able to ask her about what I was like as a kid has made it difficult trying to get my own autism diagnosis.
@niamhira
Жыл бұрын
I was undiagnosed for 30 years. I just recently realised that I mask my anxiety all the time, unless it's an unbearable panic attack, then I run around and cry 😢 It's so draining, and I think I have chronic muscle pain because of masking. I always had so many vocal stims, but people just shamed me, and no one knew it could be a sign of autism. I'm proud of you speaking openly about your struggles on your channel.
@marilynpeppers1356
Жыл бұрын
I’m 70+ years old and suspect that I have some form of autism. I find some comfort in knowing that there was/is an explanation for things in my life that lessened my self-confidence. I pray you find success in the process and that God gives you a thousand little joys every day.💜 Thank you for sharing!
@maiyapercy
9 ай бұрын
Hi Angelina, thank you for your video. I got diagnosed last year with 47 years. I also asked myself why nobody noticed for 47 years. But can’t ask anyone because my parents don’t live anymore. I am very happy I found out because I understand myself so much better now and still learning a lot.
@Tilly850
Жыл бұрын
65 years...yes, late self-diagnosed. Nobody knew about autism back when I was younger. I'm glad for you. It may sound odd, and I do not want to diminish or make it little for you, but you have so many years ahead where can make the adaptations and adjustments having this knowledge. I spent all my life struggling and not knowing why everything was so hard for me, why I didn't fit in, why I was bullied and rejected. My Mother did more harm than good and has recently rejected and abandoned me. I'm glad you have your Mom's support. I wish you the best of everything. I love to watch your videos.
@SailorYuki
Жыл бұрын
I'm 44 and in final stages of my autism assessment. I was bullied in school and had high grades. I loved school. Or rather, I loved learning and it was my special interest. Apparently having high grades means you don't have Autism, this is what my psychiatrist said during the assessment (big pile of BS if you ask me. Giftedness is more a trait of Autism than not). Eventually she realised that I am in fact, very much autistic. I just have a couple of formalities left before I get my official diagnosis. I can only say that autism diagnosis is difficult to get due to the lack of knowlage and biases. Female autistic traits havent been studied before, the few studies in female autistic traits came around 2015. Which would explain why we don't get diagnosed. That and blatant ignorance. If you don't fit the stereotype you're not neurodivergent. And even if you do, you might still not get diagnosed because you don't act like RainMan or Sheldon Cooper or any of the other stereotyped "autistic" people out there. Neither RainMan nor Sheldon are autistic, yet that's what we're compared to. I don't know how things are in Finland when it comes to diagnosing autism, I'm gussing it's the same as here in Sweden. You just need to be persistant. Up untill mid 90's it was believed that you can't be both autistic and have adhd and that only boys can be either. Today more people are getting diagnosed with both for a reason. When you do your assessment, I'm guessing you get to fill in RAADS which is a common assessment tool. This is not the best tool to assess autism since some of us take these questions literally ( I did many times), and if you get a low score you don't get assessed. I had a friend explain and discuss the questions with me and once I understood what they ment, I got a really high score. So do keep that in mind and ask for help answering any questionaires. Most of them are available online so you can check them out in advance. Both my brothers are AuDHD and I have many cousins with AuDHD or just Autism on various levels on the spectrum. Yet, I am suppoused to be the odd one out? I have had mental health issues all my life for a reason. Socially ostracized and bullied. When it comes to bullying and kids being alone, that's not neccessarily a reason to suspect autism. Bullying has many reasons, all of the bad. I was bullied because I was the new kid in class or a nerd, or had a weird name. There are many obvious autistic traits that, if known by more people, would cause the school to suspect some form of neurodivergency. But we all know that's not going to happen any day soon. Boys get assessed for ADHD more ofthen than girls simply because of sexism. Fun fact: Girls have a much higher risk of developing ADHD than boys since the gene associated with ADHD is predominatly passed from mother to daughter. Yet boys get diagnosed 4:1. Same principle applies to Autism. Not only are our traits different, we mask more and are able to handle our issues much better than boys. Perhaps we should just stop masking. That's what I did. And now I'm about to get my official diagnosis at 44.
@eleanorwillow9671
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing! I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult with children of my own-- and having my teenage son assessed. There are aspects of the story that are very similar to mine, primarily regarding school and being female. I, too, am looking back on my past and seeing it in a different light.
@user-hi8rg7bl2s
Жыл бұрын
You are very articulate. And you said so much in less than six minutes. Phew that was great. Keep doing this because you’ve got something to offer. No, make that a lot to offer!
@kellyschroeder7437
Жыл бұрын
58 just dx F. It’s a wowser for me. Since being dx and listening to many sites here on YT as some flashes of memory and moments in time can see it in me - so so much struggling, masking, executive dysfunction, shutdowns, more etc…. I’ve been kinda processing the loss of opportunity ….. My folks who have already passed on would have had no clue ever as they were so needy themselves and lacking insight and able to be educated - had so many wounds of their own. Thank God I know now though it’s a rough road esp dealing w other health issues. Thank you for sharing 💞👊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞💙👊
@colleend80
Жыл бұрын
FIRST, THANK YOU FOR THIS VALIDATING VIDEO❣️ I CAN TRULY RELATE. I AM 42 YEARS OLD AND ALSO SELF-DIAGNOSED. I WAS NEVER OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSED. I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING MY WHOLE LIFE WITH DEPRESSION NEXT CAME THE SOCIAL ANXIETY DIAGNOSIS FOLLOWED BY AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER 🤦🏻♀️
@Yuffie13
Жыл бұрын
My parents always knew I was different, but it was the 90s so it was categorized as "sensory processing disorder + Asperger's". (I was convinced by media and my mother that Asperger's was a completely different thing for so long!) I was only in school for junior and senior kindergarten (ages 4-5), so I didn't have a lot of time in public school for teachers to notice anything, but my junior kindergarten teacher decided that I didn't talk enough and badgered my mom to book me in for a follow-up with the speech therapist who'd visited the school, even though the therapist said I was totally fine. I even remembering having an ASD "meltdown" (I think I was seriously overwhelmed by stimuli) and the teaching assistant took me outside until I'd calmed down. But because it was the 90s, and I wasn't totally non-speaking, my teacher just assumed I was misbehaving.
@jliller
Жыл бұрын
Sounds like a similiar situation for me, though I'm an American male and never changed countries. Also, the bullying started much earlier (2nd grade). I attribute the missed diagnosis to chronically low autism awareness by everyone around me. Plus I was in Gifted classes so I bet people just assumed that high-IQ kids are simply shy and a little odd. The high IQ may have also allowed me to mask really well. Many years later I talked to a classmate from elementary school who admitted that they and the rest of the class "didn't know how to deal with you." That conversation took place a decade after high school, and even by then neither of us had the autism awareness for that statement to signify anything. I'm in my 40s and nobody has ever told me they thought I might be autistic. I stumbled into self-diagnosis, but once I started learning about it everything made sense.
@steveneardley7541
Жыл бұрын
I have a very poor idea of what other people think about me, and what you're friend said "Not knowing how to deal with you" is probably the core of the problem. I'm different enough that people sort of avoid me. I'm an uncomfortable quantity.
@stuartstark9298
Жыл бұрын
insightful, loved it!!
@navigatingthespectrum
Жыл бұрын
Thank you Stuart!☺️
@gwenhwyfarsdottir
Жыл бұрын
"It never really worked, because people could still tell that there's something off--" Oh, I felt that. For me, masking goes like this: I try to blend in, but there's always something that bleeds through and gives it away, some small glitch in my behavior that makes people react to me in a different way than they react to others. It's like I'm an alien in disguise, trying to imitate a normal human being, and I'm always SO CLOSE to passing as one, but it's off by just enough that people will have an adverse reaction.
@louise2091
Жыл бұрын
My daughter was 28 before she got a diagnosis, despite many different psychologists working with her and me. She self diagnosed and went to an autism specialist to get properly assessed.
@elizabethmartineau-marshal341
Жыл бұрын
I can totally relate - I found out at 60.
@sofiiawithtwoeyes
Жыл бұрын
I thought your point about moving countries was so interesting - the fact that your “weird” traits were attributed to cultural differences rather than autism by those around you. I (a self-diagnosed 23y.o.) actually noticed the same thing when I moved from Ukraine to the UK after high school: in a way, it made me feel better about myself, because now my social awkwardness was pretty much exclusively seen as a cultural thing. And, weirdly enough, I felt like I adjusted to my new life a lot better than most neurotypical international students thanks to all those years of masking practice! Thanks to my overactive mirroring I quickly picked up a very convincing northern American accent from my acquaintances to the point where people would assume I’m from the US. Since you mentioned that you learned Finnish so quickly, did you perhaps have a similar experience? Very curious to hear your thoughts. Instant subscribe 🤍
@navigatingthespectrum
Жыл бұрын
Your story is so interesting, thank you for sharing! Although I learned Finnish quickly and well enough to attend a typical Finnish school with my age group, it took me a long time to adjust. I was only ten, after all, and my masking skills and social skills weren’t as good as they are now (still not perfect, of course). My Finnish was very formal at first and I got picked on for that. In middle school I developed a pretty bad social anxiety and barely spoke with anyone. That’s why my spoken Finnish didn’t really get to develop until much later. Eventually I learned to speak like a native and now get surprised reactions when people find out that Finnish is not my first language. Not that I speak to people much now either😅 I’m glad that it was easier for you to adjust to the new country. I’m assuming you still live in the UK? Thanks for subscribing❤️
@sofiiawithtwoeyes
Жыл бұрын
@@navigatingthespectrum Ah I’m sorry to hear that your experience has been difficult. Moving at a younger age sounds hard and, quite frankly, terrifying - you don’t get the advantage of having enough life experience to help you “fake it till you make it”… Not to mention that Finnish must be among the most difficult languages out there, so kudos to you for mastering it in the end! And yes I’m currently still in the UK, approaching the end of my Master’s degree and dreading the upcoming job search hehe 👀 I have a hunch I’ll be a frequent guest here on your channel - it’s exactly what I need in the midst of all this uncertainty. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Much love from Scotland xx
@IggiePuff
Жыл бұрын
I've always been different and pretty much always knew I was and didn't fit in. Always felt like I didn't belong here, felt like I was from a different world. I'm an adult and last I heard not one place in my town will diagnose adults for it, kids only. Was told closes place was around a 2 hour drive.
@anjachan
Жыл бұрын
me maybe because Im already physicaly disabled and they thought Im just very shy. But I never thought thats all. There is something else going on.
@navigatingthespectrum
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing❤️
@anjachan
Жыл бұрын
@@navigatingthespectrum you are welcome 😁
@SmallSpoonBrigade
Жыл бұрын
Same here. I'm working on finally getting a formal diagnosis now. I was evaluated in my late 20s, but at that time, it wasn't really possible to do ADHD and what is now ASD, and having already been diagnosed with OCD and schizoaffective disorder as well, the woman doing my evaluation was more or less, there isn't enough evidence to ignore those other conditions to diagnose autism, but you're autistic. Or at least that's how I now understand it, at the time it was more or less, you're "not" autistic, wink, wink. And in true autistic fashion I took that at face value that I just had pronounced traits and that she couldn't tell for sure. If I had known just how psychologically damaging all the masking was, I would have pushed for a re-evaluation to get to the bottom of it so that I could work on healing myself.
@BipolarCourage
Жыл бұрын
Kids bully those who seem different so makes sense the context that you got bullied after moving country. I had mutism as a child & sometimes as an adult. It's not from "shyness". What help & support would you have received? Would receive if diagnosed?
@ryansuttree8054
Жыл бұрын
Спасибо за видео! Очень хорошо!
@SmallSpoonBrigade
Жыл бұрын
Getting evaluated might have helped, or it might have ended up like when I was dragged off to a psychologist because my parents thought I wasn't happy. I wound up using the sessions to try and set the high score for being just completely out of my mind nuts, and somehow it didn't occur to the psychologist that I was screwing with him. The guy should have known better as he was close to retirement age and I can't possibly have been the first client that was drug in not wanting to go that was using him like that. Knowing that I'm autistic,all of that makes far more sense now than it did then as many of the questions he was asking and the things he was suggesting made absolutely no sense to me.
@mikealalee2889
Жыл бұрын
People always blamed my problems on my mother's death. Always some excuse for why the problem was just my attitude lol
@karens8633
Жыл бұрын
Even if your Mother looked for help, she wouldn’t have been able to find the right kind. You would have likely been Misdiagnosed. The only treatments for Autism was ABA and that is traumatizing for Autistic People. 😢 I’m an Autistic Adult, 52.
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