If your ex hurt you, I highly advise not responding. If perhaps he or she feels bad and know they made a mistake or simply want to apologize...they need to say it, not be vauge with messages like "hey, how are you". That doesn't cut it and the last thing you want to do is set yourself up for a disappointing conversation
@darkoshmarko
6 жыл бұрын
kristin lee, that is literally what my ex texted me after I went no contact for a few months. I didn’t respond and he never tried to reach out to me again. I’m certain I made the right choice and saved myself a lot of pain and frustration.
@theshield1613
5 жыл бұрын
my wife that left me decided to separate me sometimes she texts me saying hi how are you I'll say I'm doing very good How are you after that she doesn't say how is she what does that mean
@stjepanpalinic4507
5 жыл бұрын
The Shield stop responding to her
@Annamelese
5 жыл бұрын
@@theshield1613 she didn't want to hear that ur doing good!she want to hear something negative.
@moderngod1
5 жыл бұрын
The Shield she’s dangling your leash my guy. Confuse them with your silence yet shock them with your results. Go skydiving
@havegrace9111
6 жыл бұрын
They do this to keep you as a back up option. Lol.
@beefield1765
6 жыл бұрын
Three lovely blessings yes the fallback
@killfeed5134
5 жыл бұрын
Absolutely
@jamesshedd752
5 жыл бұрын
# Infinitely blessed 3 yes this is true
@Ldykittydee142
5 жыл бұрын
Exactly !
@sandram7941
5 жыл бұрын
Mhm. Absolutely.
@KM-690
5 жыл бұрын
"a mans rejection is gods protection"
@nalinihurry8249
4 жыл бұрын
Amen...
@troycarpenter3675
4 жыл бұрын
@Dick N. Uranus no kidding! The old adage "women are fickle" is often times true.
@certaindeed
4 жыл бұрын
@@troycarpenter3675 very true and doing a tremendous amount of damage to society based on empowerment falicy and no fault divorce.
@RosesOfPeace1
4 жыл бұрын
Love this
@amanit.3122
3 жыл бұрын
Mmhm, I truly believe this.
@mitchell8697
6 жыл бұрын
I am a man and I was dumped from a 2 1/2 year relationship. The first time she reached out after 4 months of silence she said, "I miss you. I can't stop thinking about you. Is there anyway we can talk?" I fell for that and went to her and two days later she said she was conflicted and still wanted to date other men. I told her to never contact me again. Ten months later she contact me again, very recently. "Just wondering how you are?" I never responded. We are not friends, we are not even acquaintances at this point like Gotye said, "Now your just somebody that I used to know."
@princhipessa1969
5 жыл бұрын
Mitchell same!! That song speaks volumes!
@mitchell8697
5 жыл бұрын
@@princhipessa1969 Thank you. I hope you and your heart are well. :)
@kirbythomas2497
5 жыл бұрын
Mitchell The same EXACT thing happened to me I was in a 2 yr relationship with my ex. She dumped me on Memorial Day. May 24th of this year. It was devastating. I thought we were soulmates. We were engaged to be married next summer. I moved out on my own. She blocked me from calling or texting her. She said she was going to start dating others. 4 months go by and in September I got a text from her out of the blue “I MISS YOU”. Obviously my heart melted and I felt so overwhelmed with happiness. We decided to talk that weekend and I got the “same” treatment you experienced. I miss you but I’m not wanting to get back together I want to continue to date others. Wtf. Why even bother texting me in the first place. All it did was temporarily fill my mind with false hope and crush me into more fragments. Im still not over her. But I’ve no choice but to move on. I’m glad I found Susan’s page. I was becoming hopelessly depressed and really falling into a dark and lonely existence. Hell even weekly counseling wasn’t working for me. Advice from friends, shrink, whatever no help. But finding Susan’s KZitem page has pulled me up this last week. Im finding faith now in hearing her videos and to read stories of others like you to give me the sense of not feeling alone in my pain. Thanks. God Bless.
@mitchell8697
5 жыл бұрын
@@kirbythomas2497 Thank you for sharing. We are living parallel existences. I too was convinced over two years that we were meant to be together. Planning our future together was something we talked about often. Where we would live and retire eventually. Then the break up and then being used for an ego boost. Good Lord! The experience has truly thrown me through a loop and I seem to be stuck there. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to fall in love or get even remotely close to anyone for fear of being wrong and hurt again. I understand break ups, they hurt, but this nonsense is cruel and unforgivable. I will be alone this year for the holidays and I will live through this pain to better myself and come out on the other side of this hurt a better person. God bless you as well my friend.
@princhipessa1969
5 жыл бұрын
Mitchell @kirbythomas the feeling is the same for me. I’ve had breakups but nothing like this one. We.were.soulmates. I still believe this. Calls, texts & meetups lead me to believe we were moving toward reconciliation again but it didn’t. Last text was last month & I still question why it was sent. Therapy, attempts to move on aren’t helping ... videos kind of do ... I know what we had was real and I just wish she’d wake up and remember us. Hope we all get a happy ending somehow ❤️
@adamjarvis7888
6 жыл бұрын
The best communication is having no contact at all. They are making sure you are never getting over them so they can keep you as an option it is called hoovering a technique used by narcissist and anyone must be very strong to break this toxic cycle. Thank you so much for your informative videos Ms Susan.
@empiricwisdom7902
6 жыл бұрын
Precisely.
@lastofthefamous2542
5 жыл бұрын
Well said Sir
@trey-frey3963
5 жыл бұрын
This is EXACTLY what is going on at some level and Narcissistic tendencies are at the root of it.
@carolloraine223
5 жыл бұрын
Absolutely. Their boredom triggers thoughts in our direction for their gain. No more cycles of gloom and doom! It never lasts for the good...in fact, things only get worse. No Contact for me!! Much happier being single! Thanks!
@lordsith952
4 жыл бұрын
Adam Jarvis but he stoped loving me🤔 after 7 years. Now 4 months later hes living eith his co worker with her kid but some times he contacts me🤔 idk im confused
@sweatslaysparkle7869
6 жыл бұрын
Do not keep in touch with an ex. Take it from me! lol
@kemaratkins1275
2 жыл бұрын
Unless you got kids together
@jimsmith9981
4 жыл бұрын
One of the thing you can learn from a break up that if they left the relationship is they’ve proven to you they’re not marriage material because they lack loyalty and commitment...
@wanderertatiana2498
3 жыл бұрын
I love this!!
@7thlion1
2 жыл бұрын
Powerful!
@knrz2562
Жыл бұрын
:^
@willnewcomer2125
Жыл бұрын
Lol no
@thomasgrabowski2202
Жыл бұрын
lol...
@gerr2035
6 жыл бұрын
When a relationship is over, it's over in my eyes. That person is just another chapter in my life. Ignore any contact. Sometimes they are just lonely and can't find someone new. How insulting is that? If I get to the point of GOODBYE, it's over, the door never reopens.
@k.w.1459
6 жыл бұрын
Just this morning I had an epiphany about mix messages and game players, “my sanity is more important than your ego. Goodbye.”
@lv5310
4 жыл бұрын
That's a solid one
@guillermom8536
4 жыл бұрын
Excellent epiphany!
@wanderertatiana2498
3 жыл бұрын
Love this!
@Aliyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
8 ай бұрын
Exactly
@5339kimhall
6 жыл бұрын
If an ex comes back I must focus on two things. 1.) I'm the most important person in the conversation 2.) Why do I really want you back?
@thomasgrabowski2202
Жыл бұрын
well said!!! :) !!!
@John-lc1uq
4 жыл бұрын
When my wife just up and split she asked about "being friends".my response was I have plenty of friends I would like a wife. Not interested. My friend is very blunt told me an ex who wants to hang around is looking for an "Emotional tampon ". Words to the wise.
@caffinatedirl8466
4 жыл бұрын
I had a similar experience in reverse...when an ex wants to be friends still there is almost always an alterior motive.
@whatrtheodds
3 жыл бұрын
Oof thats harsh but also wise to consider.
@Kari_Michele
3 жыл бұрын
Yes that is so true. My exes love trying to make me their emotional tampon esp when I was the one who left them!
@carleighrousseau4226
3 жыл бұрын
Both of your takes on this is SPOT ON
@pippakennedy2041
2 жыл бұрын
My ex partner trying to stay in touch with me,. Not entirely happy with it. He dumped me so suspicious of his intentions. I will be careful can't be used again. Thanks for the wise words
@techibabe
6 жыл бұрын
I don't care to find out..door slammed shut..making room for what I deserve
@tishavee7001
4 жыл бұрын
techibabe 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@four-x-trading5606
4 жыл бұрын
That’s the way I feel
@weareuniqueforareason7503
4 жыл бұрын
Doing this now
@certaindeed
4 жыл бұрын
This is the most selfish answer you are giving and why most women file for divorce. It's not all about you. After my divorce I stayed in contact and helped het even when she got sick...and I did not take alimony Even after I helped her get promoted in het career that made her wealthy because I still considered her my BFF..I am an only child and have a small family. She treated me with disrespect resentfulness once she found another guy that follows her around and supports her just to get her money. If you as a woman won't talk with your ex just because of"how you feel" you are probably the one who caused part of the marriage to fail. Want equal rights, jobs, and opportunity...you gotta take the blame with it, dear.
@KC-dx5pf
4 жыл бұрын
Relationships sooner or later go through tough times, even break ups. Sometimes this is a learning experience for what maybe a beautiful and life long relationship. Your approach is what’s wrong with modern relationships. You will never ever find your life long soul mate with that mindset. I can guarantee you that. Get educated on living with your soulmate. It’s so complex you need to learn to communicate or you will always loose.... even a wonderful partner!
@howardcunniffe8738
4 жыл бұрын
What sucks about an ex wanting to be friends is this. You find somebody new and the present starts to believe they are in a sharing relationship. The present wants you to themself while the ex never leaves you alone.
@dirtycee6887
4 жыл бұрын
They need you as a back up plan. When their new flame bombs out, here you are to save the day. Never be the backup!
@Aliyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
8 ай бұрын
💯
@neomonk5668
5 жыл бұрын
People are ex’s for a reason .... go your separate ways and heal. No mixed messages, no entangled emotions.
@LyliJ
2 жыл бұрын
« Ex for a reason » this is just a narrative. It’s a story people tell themselves. Each situation is unique and a breakup can be a part of a beautiful story between two people that just need some time apart to work on themselves.
@neomonk5668
2 жыл бұрын
@@LyliJ Her drinking and bad behavior was not a narrative.
@LyliJ
2 жыл бұрын
@@neomonk5668 sure, but the narrative is to say to yourself "this is just how things are". many people break their own hearts by trying to forget and move on when their heart still loves a certain person, and that's not what the heart wants.
@beecat9951
2 жыл бұрын
@@LyliJ "just a narrative", you could say this about literally anything but really you're just gaslighting yourself. You're spinning your own narrative about breakups being somehow beautiful and pretending that people can only grow alone rather than as part of a mutually supportive couple. Now THAT is some story! You need to get real girl! Otherwise you will be the one to end up hurting yourself. We must accept breakups and not project our own fantasies onto them from a place of denial.
@LyliJ
2 жыл бұрын
@@beecat9951 wow, where did all of that come from? I missed a step.
@ritagomes9186
6 жыл бұрын
Most of the time its simply he/she wants to see how well your doing without them its all ego
@VegetabIeMan
5 жыл бұрын
Rita Gomes this happened 4 days after my ex leaving me. She was wondering of being friends and texted me to see “willing to still talk to her”. These people will never find happiness.
@memento5113
5 жыл бұрын
@@VegetabIeMan happends to me right now. She and i were lovers for a year, She has a boyfriend all this time, and still do. Now she said to me, she wants to commit to her relationship. It hurts for me but you know, i guess all i have to do is move on with my life. But now she texts me once a day, this moment she asked me if she can call and talk to me. I have no idea what she wants or how our conversation are going to be like without getting down to it. Most of all i have no idea what she wants, she already have her soulmate in her boyfriend?
@emaambition9378
5 жыл бұрын
Memento Hey wsup dude. If you still want to be with her. She is not happy with her soulmate. That’s why she is keeping in touch with you.Girls like unattended man. Wen ever she text you. Text her back after 2 weeks. Also don’t write long text short and sweet.Tell her you’ve been busy . Don’t give her details. If you feel like to tell her. Make sure it has to be mysteries. Keep her on her toes. Stop looking at her text or contact number and wen ever she comes to your mind. Make your self busy doing exercise etc what ever works for you. Good luck man.
@LuxMeow
5 жыл бұрын
@@VegetabIeMan Why do you believe that is?
@emaambition9378
5 жыл бұрын
Lux Meow good question. Well you have to be strong person and be patient. Time will tell. Wen someone doesn’t want be with you. You are in love with the Chemical or illusions.that just life. You have to protect your feelings.
@michellezareas8276
6 жыл бұрын
So, right awwwn! That is always my first thought, “What does he want?”. You’re like the world’s best mom! 💕
@amadeus5403
6 жыл бұрын
Lol I dont talk to any of my ex girlfriends the past is over.
@teedee6176
6 жыл бұрын
Only a dog returns to its vomit. Chinese saying.
@Alex-mu6ow
5 жыл бұрын
Mine is always a resource benefit . Help with child care , money & looking after our dog ( although that's null & void now because she had her put to sleep & didn't tell me until afterwards)
@nisha9160Sac
5 жыл бұрын
@@teedee6176 They got that from the bible. Proverbs 26:11 "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly."
@vampireslayer1989
4 жыл бұрын
It took me a long time to understand that this is codependent behavior. I was taught as a kid to always be nice to everyone, send kind notes, etc., be a rescuer and good guy. It made me clingy. I sensed that it was strange, but did not know why. Today I understand that my narcissistic mother trained me well. It is not my job to save anyone outside of my immediate family.
@bjewel3751
6 жыл бұрын
My ex messaged me just yesterday.. and now I see Susan Winter video came up on my KZitem feed! Whenever I think of something to do with men/dating... Susan seems to appear!! It’s crazy!
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
Isn't that a trip?? I love this.
@rickyharvey4835
5 жыл бұрын
That's what just happened to me my x sends me a friend request and the next day i had susan winters all over my u- tube !! What's that connection
@gregvangaasbeek813
4 жыл бұрын
They're spying on what you do. It's a algorithm.
@chempanda6388
6 жыл бұрын
Plot twist, he’s talking to multiple girls at the same time which may include you ;__;
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
Good point. Thanks
@chempanda6388
6 жыл бұрын
Susan Winter the sad part is im afraid that may be what i may possibly be going through at the moment.
@PupeNaty
6 жыл бұрын
chempanda lol
@TheSlimmshadyy
6 жыл бұрын
Lol thats not even a twist thats what usually happens.
@anaharris1214
5 жыл бұрын
chempanda
@gazyasaslam7045
4 жыл бұрын
People just stay strong and have very strong boundaries. No one can hurt you- not even your ex.
@pauldharmer
4 жыл бұрын
Ex s make contact because of hurt ego, or guilty feelings
@SaturnDancer10
4 жыл бұрын
Jealousy from friends can also ruin someone’s relationship or marriage
@artm5583
4 жыл бұрын
Hulk-Mad10 10 this x100
@certaindeed
4 жыл бұрын
Her friends ruined my marriage because she listened to and respected them more than me. Typical in ruined marriages.
@Biggs3313
2 жыл бұрын
Friends and family
@greentea-dg7ht
2 жыл бұрын
Friend and family
@sacredangels3746
5 жыл бұрын
I wish I had ended sooner but I was dumb, naive and didn’t know how to get out of a very toxic relationship. I totally agree with this video. Most ex’s just want something that’s why they still try to keep in contact with you. I got really tire of my toxic and abusive relationship so at the end, I finally end the relationship. We didn’t keep in contact for about a week and a half and he thought I would come back crawling like usual but this time I didn’t. He couldn’t get a hold of me so one day he called my house phone and finally got a hold of me. He called to asked if I still love him. I admit, I was rude to him. I just hung up on him because I wanted to cut ties with him completely. My cousin told me that I was mean for hanging up on the ex lol. I’m glad I did what I did because now I’m so much happier without him. I don’t care what anyone says, but I truly believe that no matter who you are.. no one ever deserves to be in a toxic or abusive relationship. If you’re in one, don’t go back and do NOT stay. Know your worth!
@wallaby4
4 жыл бұрын
In this situation at the moment. She pushed me away a few months ago, and now she messages me, asking how I am etc. She may well simply want to know how I am, but it's difficult not wonder if there is more to it. I miss her terribly, which makes it that much harder to keep my distance. It's a weird place to be, and I wish I wasn't here. Common sense tells me to get over her, so it's a battle between head and heart. This is a good video, which doesn't sugar coat this situation. Take my hands off the wheel, and let the universe take control.
@MayaNature113
5 жыл бұрын
Exactly, if they never valued you , which led to break up, why do we think they suddenly found some value in us? Yes, it is like before for the sex or for the money! Low but that how most people are...
@sierria64
4 жыл бұрын
Okay let me break it down to you ..I am a nurse and I had an affair with the doctor who was living with someone else I decided that this relationship was no longer healthy for me so instead of me being a typical woman and cussing him out I broke it off very nicely and told him that I wanted to move on and that I wasn't getting any younger and I had to be realistic about everything I told him I hope that he found someone that can treat him the way he need to be treated ,I told him I hope you find someone that can make him happy..I know he only treated me like a booty call I didn't feel the need when I decide to move on to make that into an argument and tell him everything he wasn't doing for me because I understood he knew damn well what he wasn't doing for me. I realize it was my fault . because I liked him and allowed the situation. I just decided to break away and move on.this man started calling my home he decided one day to call me at 7 at night and started asking me about my new man my life he asked me did I love the new guy and how was he different from him. I told him at the moment he's (the new guy) is very nice guy he told me can I consider him if it doesn't work out this man was living with somebody else and I was nothing but his booty call so he was having an affair me and treated me taking me for granted. he had the audacity to tell me if it didn't work out could I consider him I just listen to I shook my head on the phone.. he kept calling me asking me can I take you out to dinner he kept calling over and over and over and over again I told him I wanted to concentrate on this new relationship and I felt that it was unhealthy to continue interacting with him.he started telling me that he cared for me more than what he realized and he didn't want me to go he said he loved me and he did not realize it until I left.. seems getting in the other relationship made him want to hold on..he told me to please just hold on...I will spend more time with you..etc.. he was a general surgeon I believe his ego was bruise that I walked away. and after I made it clear that I no longer wanted to be with him or interact with him he called me again one night and told me very sincerely nobody's ever told me the way I told him he said nobody's ever did told him so stern and yet so consideritly...i guess he knew he was taking me for granted..I guess I made him feel very small I guess I made him feel very guilty because I was very nice about it I was very humble about it when I walked away I felt there was no need to tell him what he was not doing when he already knew what he was not doing there was no need to tell him about this relationship is not anything cuz he knew he didn't value me in the relationship so when I walked away the only thing was he was expecting that that's what made him feel guilty .he knew he deserved to be cusssed out I did not
@emshe7224
5 жыл бұрын
Ok, this is exactly what I needed to watch. This has definitely given me clarity to how I handled my ex. Ultimately decided to cut him off completely because it wasn't healthy for me to be in contact and I no longer care about his motives. You're exactly right Susan. Thankyou!
@markjohnson5276
4 жыл бұрын
When I was young, I was taught that the best revenge was to go forward and live a good life no matter what your detractors say. My ex considers me her best friend today. i MADE THAT SO. I invite her up to my remote island. To sit by the waterfall that's next to my house and watch the fireflies flit across the lawn in June. I own my house, my rare exotic car. No debts. It looks like the good life to me. You don't have to die to go to hell, ask anyone with a habit or abusive relationship. Your typical American today. The relationship being with the government. The addiction being consumption. You don't have to die to go to heaven either. Where the mind leads the reality will follow.
@dulguunbayarsaikhan4174
3 жыл бұрын
Well said!
@ThePossumone
2 жыл бұрын
?????
@PaigeKKelly
3 жыл бұрын
I love this. Thank you for saying it’s not about what they want. Ask yourself what you want! Instead of me spending time trying to figure out what they want, it’s way better to spend my time deciding what we want and make it happen.
@Kiwiwanderer
4 жыл бұрын
1. Sex 2. They are fishing. Just in case you will let them use them a bit more or as a security blanket, ego boast or a bit lonely until he finds his new victim and then won’t require you again.
@mphat5641
5 жыл бұрын
This helps me a lot ,I finally decided to cut him off completely I don’t need to get hurt more
@physique_universite4637
4 жыл бұрын
Jellyna Tang hi. I'm here!
@sundayesisio6280
4 жыл бұрын
M Phat wow.. it’s okay, but sometimes guys make mistakes, later discover and wanna go back
@jupitersorbit
5 жыл бұрын
The synchronicity is CRAZY! TODAY! Literally today he’s casually commenting on something on IG. Thanks, Susan. Keep up the good work!
@PrettyVacantsWay
4 жыл бұрын
omg this is the best video on this situation. I have checked other, more popular videos, and ended up rolling my eyes when I heard them say something among the lines "stay tuned and find out how to use this to your advantage and getting them back". Thanks Susan, you have helped me before and you're helping me again today :)
@barbarajohnson6026
4 жыл бұрын
What I learn able myself, is not to make the same mistake again. Thank you.
@medusa301
4 жыл бұрын
This helped me a lot, thank you. I do occasionally miss my ex (who left me after 6 years). But one shouldn’t look at the past through colored glass.
@tghamilton1079
6 жыл бұрын
I have directed a few friends to your channel, but you give the best advice. In recent months, I have had several exes (even one from college) reach out. I could tell that they were trying to test my temperature because nothing of substance was communicated. I ignored them all. You're a ex for a reason. I have moved on.
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
Titra, THANK YOU!!!!
@michellelohde8683
2 жыл бұрын
@@SusanWinter my ex girlfriend is engaged to her girlfriend i help her planning her wedding and she arsk me be be part of wedding I have girlfriend but I realises i might still in love with me ex what do ?????????.
@justinrobinson9583
4 жыл бұрын
I enjoy your thoroughness. "2nd Question: Why do you care? Do you want to have contact? Benefit/cost?" ~ This is what I'll search in my heart.
@luulips
6 жыл бұрын
Awesome, awesome, awesome message!!! What I’ve learned to do in recent months is ask myself how I feel and what I want. Thanks for reinforcing what I’m thinking is the best direction to go. Make it about me and my wants and needs. Love it!
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
Hi LuuLips. Thank you for your awesome (and ongoing) support!
@ronaldwhite4671
5 жыл бұрын
Let me see how do I feel pissed off in a loan and it doesn't really matter how I feel anyway cuz no one really cares
@valb553
4 жыл бұрын
Heal before you date again!!
@JJ-ym8bu
5 жыл бұрын
I had one ex-gf who was driving me nuts and in the end "we had to have that talk". Of course I knew she wanted to break up with me, something I should have done myself. Anyhow I made sure that we broke up in the best way possible, no animosity, no guilt, even brought over her birthday present which was about 2 weeks early because I sensed what was going to happen. I wanted her to make sure there were no excuses or reasons for her to be mad at me and that this was all her doing. Of course she calls me a few days later seeing if we can talk and try to get back together. I said No of course and that her decision to break up with me was a good one. One of the most satisfying and smug conversations I think I've had. I wasn't going through more craziness the second time around. I only give one chance.
@tetehl4731
6 жыл бұрын
Thanks for this video. My ex contacted me after 4 months of BU and NC. I answered short not too friendly nor cold. I don't answer every messages. I'm busy and happier without him and there is no benefit to me in keeping contact with him whatsoever. I'm happier now spending my time with myself. 😊
@Aztral1337
3 жыл бұрын
an ex contacted me years after to ask for a recepy for cheesecake o.O
@redlotusqueen
3 жыл бұрын
Lol
@rebeccajones8628
3 жыл бұрын
Tell him the wrong quantities. Then when the new womsm eats it she will think he is a crappy cook.🤣🤣
@santiagopasha1459
3 жыл бұрын
@@rebeccajones8628 XFACTOR
@frosty.berlin
3 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂
@Aztral1337
3 жыл бұрын
@@rebeccajones8628 I told her she was cheesy, and that didnt know and gl with it
@laroseblanche9435
6 жыл бұрын
Woohooo when they reach out but doesnt mean we have to respond? I like it! Whats the benefits for us? What we want! Top guide susan thanks!
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
THIS IS a great point. Larose, I'm trying to teach this to one of my clients. Thanks for bringing this up.
@sierria64
4 жыл бұрын
Okay let me break it down to you ..I am a nurse and I had an affair with the doctor who was living with someone else I decided that this relationship was no longer healthy for me so instead of me being a typical woman and cussing him out I broke it off very nicely and told him that I wanted to move on and that I wasn't getting any younger and I had to be realistic about everything I told him I hope that he found someone that can treat him the way he need to be treated ,I told him I hope you find someone that can make him happy..I know he only treated me like a booty call I didn't feel the need when I decide to move on to make that into an argument and tell him everything he wasn't doing for me because I understood he knew damn well what he wasn't doing for me. I realize it was my fault . because I liked him and allowed the situation. I just decided to break away and move on.this man started calling my home he decided one day to call me at 7 at night and started asking me about my new man my life he asked me did I love the new guy and how was he different from him. I told him at the moment he's (the new guy) is very nice guy he told me can I consider him if it doesn't work out this man was living with somebody else and I was nothing but his booty call so he was having an affair me and treated me taking me for granted. he had the audacity to tell me if it didn't work out could I consider him I just listen to I shook my head on the phone.. he kept calling me asking me can I take you out to dinner he kept calling over and over and over and over again I told him I wanted to concentrate on this new relationship and I felt that it was unhealthy to continue interacting with him.he started telling me that he cared for me more than what he realized and he didn't want me to go he said he loved me and he did not realize it until I left.. seems getting in the other relationship made him want to hold on..he told me to please just hold on...I will spend more time with you..etc.. he was a general surgeon I believe his ego was bruise that I walked away. and after I made it clear that I no longer wanted to be with him or interact with him he called me again one night and told me very sincerely nobody's ever told me the way I told him he said nobody's ever did told him so stern and yet so consideritly...i guess he knew he was taking me for granted..I guess I made him feel very small I guess I made him feel very guilty because I was very nice about it I was very humble about it when I walked away I felt there was no need to tell him what he was not doing when he already knew what he was not doing there was no need to tell him about this relationship is not anything cuz he knew he didn't value me in the relationship so when I walked away the only thing was he was expecting that that's what made him feel guilty .he knew he deserved to be cusssed out I did not
@barbarariley3488
6 жыл бұрын
Show.him the door.
@crsantin
3 жыл бұрын
Excellent advice. I suggest to never go back. Never look back. Move forward. It’s very tempting and appeasing to our egos, but the 2nd time around is never better.
@thursday9915
4 жыл бұрын
Every time I have given someone a second chance it went very wrong. Good rule no second chances.
@bradp5157
4 жыл бұрын
First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me!
@gerrimiller3491
4 жыл бұрын
My ex called and said let's go to the market and pick out stuff together. Ok, like a fool he came to pick me up and we went strolls down the Aisles in the market. I felt so miserable and not hungry for anything since he was next to me shopping. Let's say I didnt have groceries in that cart only he had stuff. He dropped me off and didn't even walk me to my door. I will never fall for mind games again. Love you Susan💖🧸💖
@rustyhedge-yamura2269
5 жыл бұрын
This was literally posted on my birthday ! The synchronicity is here ! It lines up with my situation currently
@gisele2926
5 жыл бұрын
Are you in my brain??? I literally just thought the question and clicked on KZitem and your video appeared as a "recommended". Glorious synchronicity! Thank you, Susan, for answering my question before it was spoken.
@robinhood5467
5 жыл бұрын
As a guy if he loves you it's for the feelings. But if he doesn't really care it's just about the booty calls..
@chukwuebukalawrence6954
5 жыл бұрын
I dated a lady for six months, suddenly her feelings changed. I was dumped though hard but I moved on. She kept contact but it was irritating and I told her, after 8 months, she started writing to meet and so on. We met and she said no man ever cared for her the way I did, we continued a new chapter. Suddenly again, life turned around and she doesn't feel like being in a relationship again but wants to keep contact and we still keep each others keys. After a week,I called her to take back her and keys, I need mine and please no contacts. Goodbye and wished her the best🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️
@moyonification2
5 жыл бұрын
U r a nice person..I had a proper closure recently after 10 yrs. I know I am a fool.. Gonna move on..
@SK-no2pp
5 жыл бұрын
moyonification2 better late than never. Also the other person can never give you closure. Close the door yourself !
@jeffmiller2682
4 жыл бұрын
Almost the same scenario they don't know what they want and when they change there minds again they want you back like it was before to change there minds again little children!
5 жыл бұрын
I broke up with my ex gf because she had a text conversation her ex. Told her i dint like it then when j saw it again i moved all my stuff from the apartment while she was at work.
@certaindeed
4 жыл бұрын
You are that insecure?
@calgal7828
4 жыл бұрын
Billy Boy You sound like an insecure 12 year old.
@jahphil7692
4 жыл бұрын
@@calgal7828 Billy Boy, you are 100 % correct ! You already told her you don't like it then you saw it again. Good move ! Her choice to keep in touch with him but you do not have to accept it.
@jeffreysheldrake7943
4 жыл бұрын
I would be on the same bus
@Maxumized
4 жыл бұрын
Good move. All the others that think you’re insecure are stupid little boys. I woman should have no need to talk with any ex. Obviously the others who allow this are not interesting enough for their woman...so she has to be validated by other men
@oisinroche4290
2 жыл бұрын
your one of the most mature relationship counsellors i have heard, everything you say in this video hits the mark, thank you for this.
@lynnmarieanderson1744
5 жыл бұрын
Tired of the on and off again theme I've been going through, I'm embarrassed to say, for the past 8 years. Now, it is just no contact AT ALL. Just had to end it.
@sweetpotatoepieeee
5 жыл бұрын
I just love the way you explain things. It's so smooth and it always grabs my full attention. I love your compassion and your honesty mixed together ❤❤❤
@zakhariahk.8720
5 жыл бұрын
The more I m distant from her, the more she s after me and sending me pictures of her and her life. She said many men tried to get to her but no she doesn’t want anyone around her.... I want her to be happy and enjoy her life. She said she wanted me to stay in touch with her but I don t see the purpose of this . I give up on her.Either you are in or you are out.
@phillipbegay2837
4 жыл бұрын
They want to pick up where you left off. To make you suffer forever. They enjoy messing with your head. I thank Susan for holding my hand.
@ritagini1067
4 жыл бұрын
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@zan752000
6 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this, again right on time.
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
Hi Zan. thanks!! Happy to read your note.
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
Thanks Zan
@zan752000
4 жыл бұрын
Hello Susan, it's 2 years later and Mr. X texts a whole manuscript, we talked and he got blocked. Life is better without the X.
@victoriavera6428
3 жыл бұрын
you are a very mature woman. thank you
@allisona9490
4 жыл бұрын
Great video. As much I laughed and had a likeness for my ex, I knew the thing I didn't like about our relationship was that he still had other exes as friends, and so I thought the best thing I could do for my next relationship, would be not to have him lingering around in the shadows. It's tough though.
@lioydwilliams1850
4 жыл бұрын
allisona9490, I hope you are not with a narcissist because you are too pretty!
@cjwilkins6130
4 жыл бұрын
Susan I really needed this episode. Thanks for the Universal Confirmation.
@dpstrial
5 жыл бұрын
I finished (amicably) with my girlfriend of 15 years because I thought the relationship was going nowhere. She insisted we remain good friends; and indeed good friends we remain, seeing each other regularly. A friendship can work, where a relationship does not. It does not have to be mercenary.
@kaylasheppard7746
5 жыл бұрын
Can I ask....how do you feel like you haven't wasted 15 years? I get it, being friends is good and happy memories and all that, but it took 15 years just to realize you were better off as friends? That's rough.
@kaylasheppard7746
5 жыл бұрын
Also, did you end it, or did she? Or did you both mutually agree to?
@garthknoll506
5 жыл бұрын
Why bother?
@lelawilkerson4299
4 жыл бұрын
You didnt marry in 15 yrs? Oh my
@JJuiicceee
4 жыл бұрын
lela wilkerson That’s the real question
@sunflowers2469
5 жыл бұрын
& then there are the poor souls out there who just want an apology for the emotional abuse & want the person back but to be treated better this time
@Princefrancis2
4 жыл бұрын
BIG OL FACTS
@truthhd6345
3 жыл бұрын
Yup. Never going to happened tho...sadly
@cherylduckworth8185
2 жыл бұрын
I tried to play the friendship card for about a year, I wouldn't recommend it. If they go, let them go. I got promised that he would be my best friend for the rest of his life. Then he remarried his wife, glad they're happy but it really crushed me. I wasted a year thinking we were good friends as he never told me he was trying to win her back. it's my experience men are pretty black-and-white. If they want to they want you, if they don't they don't. I will never ask anybody to stick around that doesn't want to ever again. And I'll never go for the "let's be friends" line either if my heart wants more than that, that's one empty cup.
@annafredo2197
2 жыл бұрын
+2348164734900⏯⏯⏯⏯ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.........
@briana14333
2 жыл бұрын
I agree.
@dfamzdsign2495
4 жыл бұрын
Susan, first of all i wanna thank you a zillion for the videos.Ive been thru heartbreak experience which took me longer than i should to recover, up to the point iv been diagnosis with major depression.just right before i was about to take my first Luvox, i came across your videos, like magic, i could feel alive again, stronger,better.Im proud to say im a depression survivor.Not fully recovered, but i know, ill get there soon. ( Pardon my poor english ). Thank you Susan.
@tinavastag944
6 жыл бұрын
You know, I am going through this right now and you couldn’t have put it in better words. Every time I hear from him i question if it’s worth my time to even invest it into someone who may not have the right intention reaching out to me.
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
Thanks for your share, Tina.
@lioydwilliams1850
4 жыл бұрын
Tina Vastag, you look pretty
@xxleben85
5 жыл бұрын
Goddamn your videos always make me feel better. My ex just wished me happy birthday and began a conversation after months of no contact and it felt like i lost progress because now it made me think about her and miss and now i feel horrible, not only that, she has a boyfriend for over a year
@jamiesonscott7577
5 жыл бұрын
I reply "who is this"? That puts her in her place and let's her know exactly how I feel about her without being aggressive. Game over 🤣✌
@billyjean2960
4 жыл бұрын
these were some solid sober observations; well articulated. Thanks. Very helpful!
@darrylsmith3102
5 жыл бұрын
Because they have very few other options.
@Marie-Sigur
2 жыл бұрын
Susan is truly the GOAT of advice 🙌🏽🙌🏽
@timothybarend882
5 жыл бұрын
I had a woman do this for 3.5 years... just block her
@briana14333
2 жыл бұрын
I think the "let's stay friends" bit just sounds nice. I really don't see a point in keeping in touch unless you both want the same things from each other. If both parties are not VERY sure that they want to remain friends or create a path back to being lovers, I see no point in staying hopeful just to continue that painful cycle.
@margaritaramos3393
6 жыл бұрын
I've been watching several of your videos, and found them to be very helpful. Especially, this one. If I had seen this video May 1st, it would've saved me from the heartache that happened.
@ericwilliams8126
4 жыл бұрын
Hello Susan All ex’s don’t want anything in return honestly! Speaking for myself- I have a couple of x’s I am periodically in touch with. I’m just a nice person who still genuinely cares enough about them enough to stay in touch and make sure that there okay without any expectations or wants! Some of us are just real people’s house care!
@badwolfchelsea
5 жыл бұрын
I'm friends with several exes, have been for years, and nothing has ever been weird about it. Not everyone is out to manipulate you. Some people have a hard time letting things go, but not everyone does. I don't think it's right to cut people you care about out of your life unless they've done something completely unforgivable to you.
@BrotherDave80
5 жыл бұрын
real
@grotgrabinski7068
5 жыл бұрын
@chelsea Several exes? It looks like you are trying to find the love your daddy didnt give you
@lawrencelawrence3920
5 жыл бұрын
I agree with you. Yours is a very mature way of dealing with an ex. Unless the ex is toxic there is no reason to eliminate them and that history from your life and become an embittered person.
@permartinlarsson1980
4 жыл бұрын
Had an ex gf. We fought constantly at the end of our relationship. She moved out. After a week or so the dust had settled and we started to talk again. No agressions. We started to hang out again. No sex! We became friends. She's even friend with my current fiancee and was delighted when our kids came. Funny how things turns out.
@rc2487
4 жыл бұрын
You're speaking from a woman's point of view. It's usually the woman that tries to manipulate and control the relationship.
@Mauisurfer485
6 жыл бұрын
Hi Susan, very spot on. I’m a little embarrassed to comment on this cause I’m a guy but I recently got out of a relationship 6 days ago and my ex begged me not to block her on all forms of contact (social media also). I cut all contact with my ex’s so I don’t be given the false hope of getting back with them and my mental and emotional health is more important than making someone happy. Been feeling a little bad for doing it cause when I accidentally run into my ex 2 days ago she told me I’m a terrible person for being able to cut her out of my life so easy.
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
You did what you needed to do for yourself. I'm the tone of your writing you sound like a kind person-because this bothers you. I think she's just mad that you both process the ramifications of a 'breakup" differently.
@SartoriallyBlack
5 жыл бұрын
This LITERALLY just happened to me!!! My ex just contacted me a few days ago trying to get ME to admit that I missed him AFTER 2 YEARS, and mentioned he wanted to hook up. WAIT...here is the twist: he told me AFTER he brought up sex that HE IS NOW MARRIED, and WANTS ME TO BE HIS SIDE CHICK/MISTRESS because he has an open marriage!!! He said he already asked his wife, and she said it was OK. Are you SERIOUS?!?!? I was/and still am LIVID.
@dezyriquez5764
Жыл бұрын
Mine told me this too.....exactly the same thing!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🏃♀️😂😂😂😂😂🏃♀️😂😂😂🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️😂😂🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
@dezyriquez5764
Жыл бұрын
Tbh.....it kinda hurt my feelings but I played it off and said I’m not a ho!!
@cjgros5621
Жыл бұрын
Girl you're super smart very accurate brief to the point I enjoy your videos and you appreciate them and your level of knowledge and their relationship game
@cyndieverity160
5 жыл бұрын
Love your clarity, as always. Thank you Susan
@coccoonz1
4 жыл бұрын
You are amazing! Its not what they want, its what you want!
@athanasiatzr385
6 жыл бұрын
Hello Suzan .Thank you for this video ...I think it is their ego that makes them contact you ...trying to see if you got over them and If you are dating ....dont answer the phone and let them text you only ...If they really need to say sth different and new they will write it ....if they are playing again dont answer and keep the mystery ....hahaha
@tghamilton1079
6 жыл бұрын
I agree. If they have changed for real and want to say something new, then they will type it. I think that not responding drives them nuts. It leaves them wondering.
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
You're both spot on, Titra and Athanasia.
@athanasiatzr385
6 жыл бұрын
Susan Winter Thank you Suzan !! Kisses from Greece !
@sundayesisio6280
4 жыл бұрын
Athanasia TZR Really?
@michellelohde8729
4 жыл бұрын
@@SusanWinter can you get back to me my ex girlfriend left me for another girl now i have new girlfriend and happy but my ex not she jelaous and upset over my new girlfriend my ex and me were friends for 16 years and couple for 2 years why she jelaous and upset ?.
@bahiyyahcarmichael4233
4 жыл бұрын
The way I've been hurt by that special someone in the past is to the point that I wish him all the best. Because I'm E'm moving on with my life to another state without him 😘😘😘😘😘
@TheChrismsanchez1
5 жыл бұрын
This is so interesting. As a male, anytime the break up was initiaed by females in my life they always wanted to "be friends" & remain in touch...except the ones that cheated on me, I never spoke with them once I found out, who knows, maybe they wanted to remain friends too.
@epsilonsaona9062
4 жыл бұрын
Hey wonderful woman!! Separated in 2014, divorced in 2018, my Exfactor has contacted me numerous times since! Off to better pastures!! Thanks for your wisdom
@joymae
4 жыл бұрын
“Don’t do this without professional help” hahahahha
@oscarwilde9581
5 жыл бұрын
So true--I was cordial, polite and all business when mine tried contacting me today, then she got upset that I was being "cold" with her and only wanted to do "breakup negotiations" (sending me some of my things that are at her house). She was so offended that I asked her about that when she was making jokes, telling me something that reminded her of me and wanting to connect. You're so right about them wanting to test the waters with that first conversation.
@petelok9969
5 жыл бұрын
An ex actually tried ringing me several times beginning of last October after we broke up in December 2017. I didn't pick up - I knew absolutely no good would have come from it, as curious as I still am...Peter
@chucko3879
4 жыл бұрын
I have been watching your channel but this one hit home. My ex-wife who is remarried likes to stay in touch with me. We have children together but they are grown. She is re married, I am not. She will out of the blue text me or call me. I once told her she needs to go home to her husband after she said she wanted her old life back. She has seemed to cool it now and is wrapped up with her husband. I left her because of the numerous infidelity issues and I had enough. I will not play that game with her at all, she is a married woman. I really think at times she thinks she's still married to me and her husband. Anyway thanks for your channel, very informative.
@rcd954
4 жыл бұрын
I told a woman I’m dating that her ex is reaching out because he is testing her interest level. She’s acting naive, thinking that he’s a friend. Mentally I shut down from any thought of a relationship.
@nellab5314
5 жыл бұрын
To keep his foot in the door, that’s the conclusion I’ve come to.
@youtoo2233
5 жыл бұрын
So true, I had an ex who was a sex maniac but she liked to cheat so I broke it off. She eventually started dating someone else and started cheating on him trying to get with me, I saw her at a party and she eventually put her hands in my pants and said I see Russell is excited to see me, she got naked quickly and jumped on it and yes it was quite nice because recent sex had really sucked with other women, but I almost regretted it immediately when she started stalking me everyday and her boyfriend coming to my work trying to fight. Eventually ask her why she contact me again after so long and she just came right out and said she missed the way I would screw her. Yes it was a nice compliment but she was nothing but trouble
@thomasgrabowski2202
Жыл бұрын
LOL! What a freak lol.
@regisnyder
6 жыл бұрын
Excellent video! I was just wondering about this subject!
@SusanWinter
6 жыл бұрын
I love it when synchronicity occurs.
@cocozeng7558
6 жыл бұрын
Dear Susan, Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us! Talking about staying friends, I want to share my story. My ex broke up with me two months ago out of blue (right after I quit my job)because he prefers to be alone, he has anxiety problem, he is not happy with himself and he wants to fix himself first. We were coworkers and best friend and We were Very much attracted to each other from the first sight despite he is 14 years younger than me and we are from extremely different background and his family might strongly against this relationship. We were madly in Love for 9 months going through a lot together and in the last month of the relationship I started to feel he was getting cold and after I quit the job he finally pulled away. To me that’s a huge shock! I admit I am the one that’s more emotional and invested more in this relationship but he devoted so much too and all those little things he did for me and all the love letters I can still recite them by heart.I tried very hard to move on and educated myself in the past two months and start to get a little better recently. I don’t know how did I spent the first 6 weeks of mad sadness, lost, confusion and finally a little anger. He stayed friend with and we still chat every day. I wanted to do no contact but I couldn’t. Because in my mind he is like my best friend too I really want to share a lot of things with him and it seems like he has quite a lot to talk to me too, as long as in the friend range. I care a lot about him, I believe he cares about me too. but he does not want to see me anymore. We have been both through a lot in Childhood, today I realized we prob were the couple that’s similar to “ love addict” and “ love avoidance”? I don’t know. I am a mature women that had several serious relationship before but never felt so intensely about someone like this. Dear Susan, can you please give me some advise? Thank you so much!
@CameroneProductions
6 жыл бұрын
Coco Zeng - I'll just say this. Same thing happened to me. I feel your pain. You are not alone...And yes I'm a male ¥
@kingaorlinska6082
5 жыл бұрын
You are deluding yourself and you are probably codependent .
@lynzcandace3978
4 жыл бұрын
When my ex and I broke up, I didn’t hear from him for 5-6 months. He completely ghosted me. He eventually came around and apologized . We met and caught up with each other, talked everything out. I’m very thankful we’re civil with another and are good friends. He’s genuinely a good guy.
@knrz2562
Жыл бұрын
♡
@jamesjackson9997
2 жыл бұрын
Get to hate her. I wouldn't even talk to my ex. I wouldn't even get her out of a car on fire. Sometimes hate is the best way to go.
@MegaWam1
4 жыл бұрын
I like what you say. It all makes sense. I don't want to be used.
@napoleondynamite8564
5 жыл бұрын
I had an affair with my first highschool crush girl. It lasted 6 months. She claimed she was going to leave her bf but never did. Got dump on dec 31. She texted me one month after and I fell for it. She only wanted to stay “friends” and I told her its not good enough for me and left. No that I moved on and found someone new she tried comming back but this time I didn’t let her. These people are egotistical. All they care about is themselves. If someone really do love you, they will act accordingly instead of promising you the world.
@darrenliu2588
3 жыл бұрын
Hi Susan, your videos are amazing, love your work, good common sense advice. Thank you!
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