The best way to deal with a narc is to not engage. That's it. Once you recognize or identify a narc, stay away from them.
@SurvivingNarcissism
Жыл бұрын
Yes, plain and simple.
@gardenjoy5223
2 жыл бұрын
"Narcissists are self-serving bullies". Yes. Indeed. They are. Couldn't have stated it better.
@gardenjoy5223
2 жыл бұрын
Or perhaps add the word 'lying' to it. Narcissist are self-serving lying bullies.
@MarlanWarren
2 жыл бұрын
"Bullies don't make good teachers." Thank you!
@janettemartin4604
2 жыл бұрын
REMEMBER they tell EVERYONE how much you are to BLAME! EVERYONE!
@douaa1934
2 жыл бұрын
-They want you to believe that they are more powerful than you are -They want you to believe that you are the person who fits their script of who you should be -That your main purpose of existence is to serve them
@janicedeeter577
2 жыл бұрын
Nicely said. However it's just a lie. I appreciate your comment. Thank you for sharing.
@arrow9293
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. Now just work on getting away from them.
@annmariekeim9553
2 жыл бұрын
Acting like they are more powerful and can accurately judge you keeps them going when actually they are clueless just about everything
@JNYC212
2 жыл бұрын
Seriously.... its like how many ways can I say, "I can't do it".
@TheMeghajoshi
2 жыл бұрын
💯
@amandahodge3809
2 жыл бұрын
I no longer throw pity parties for myself. This video is everything I needed to hear today! I am stronger than the narcissistic bully and I’m CLAIMING IT! 🙌🏼
@tiffcat1100
2 жыл бұрын
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
@Reneemfenn
2 жыл бұрын
I too feel strong & pity parties have ended bc I’m not a victim but just an observer, now.
@tiffcat1100
2 жыл бұрын
@@Reneemfenn We need to stop being so naive & shocked when they are living their best mean narc lives, not take it personally, just get away fast and realise that, yes, they are being true to the narc that they are 👑
@terrikennish819
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, that was powerful, I needed to hear that 🙏
@lynnekeshavarz756
2 жыл бұрын
Good for you! I hope I can get there!
@sherriolson5033
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for pushing back against the idea that the nark has "ruined" your life. The destruction they cause is enormous, but we're still here! Where there is life, there is hope! We are still here, to fight the good fight, take ourselves back, and try to spread the word to others. This was an excellent presentation. Thank you Dr C.
@tiffcat1100
2 жыл бұрын
Plus we can recognise narcs much more quickly as well as help/encourage/empathise with other veterans in a way not many others can. Nothing is wasted in life 🥰
@sherriolson5033
2 жыл бұрын
That is so true: nothing is wasted on life.
@lindawise5546
2 жыл бұрын
Go Sherri! If you pay attention to yourself, you eventually can't stand yourself. So yeah, when you sense that, time to change direction and reclaim your old self. I got down to age 16-17, and remembered who I was before I met my ex. The draw to be her again is tremendous. I ask my God -self to show me the way out. I love how you worded this. Both are true ; they ruined your life AND you can move ahead and heal. XXOO to you all. I decided yesterday that I am part of a community of people, all of us harmed and trying to heal. Honestly, it made me feel a part of something very big and moving towards healing!
@summertime9963
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly! I’m powerful and have taken my life back. They didn’t ruin my life, they’re not that powerful and great as they think they are! 💪🏻
@keplermission4947
2 жыл бұрын
@@summertime9963 You got lucky, don't believe a word of it, there's a whole different class of them you didn't yet meet.
@davidJohnsonguitarguy
2 жыл бұрын
Well said. " we can move forward with a psychological limp, but we can still move forward".
@michellehill718
2 жыл бұрын
😊
@keplermission4947
2 жыл бұрын
😛
@macmovieman1
2 жыл бұрын
Offering your kind words to those of us who have been abused is so comforting. Feeling understood and their reality is no longer my truth. 🙏🏻
@katherineg9396
2 жыл бұрын
Their reality is no longer my truth--that is so powerful. Love it!
@timheath9842
Жыл бұрын
Nobody should allow anyone to gaslight them nor attack them mentally over things that are personal. I’m happy to have found Dr. Les Carter KZitem channel.
@trottheblackdog
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for these. My mom's mind was filled with chaos and rage and she frequently tried to download that onto me. Even 13 years after her passing, I'm still putting it all together.
@sheilaalawdi591
2 жыл бұрын
You're going to be ok. Keep growing in knowledge and pray for wisdom and understanding
@dominiquelasserre828
2 жыл бұрын
But ..you know my father…I relate so much to your sentence: « a mind filled with chaos and rage they tried to download on you «
@joan7562
Жыл бұрын
my mother passed 30 years ago, I still have nightmares that I will have to see her and hear her hatred spewed at me, wake in a cold sweat,
@NS-wl2vi
Жыл бұрын
@@joan7562 that's aweful
@suzannemaroney4579
Жыл бұрын
Same here, both of my parents had narc characteristics, and I don’t miss them at all!!!!🤷🏼♀️
@WorkingProgress17
Жыл бұрын
They absolutely ruin lives. They are miserable and empty individuals but it's so important to change what makes us fall prey to these people.
@majestic.feminine
2 жыл бұрын
These individuals are not smart. Simple. And this is hard to accept, but it apparently is the ultimate reality. We think they are smarter, but they are not. So that's the source of the problem we experience. They simply do not have the capacity to understand more, and we have to learn this. They will not change. Do not *assume* they are intelligent and capable. It's actually one of the 4 Toltec Agreements: 1/ Be Impeccable With Your Word. 2/ Don't Take Anything Personally. 3/ Don't Make Assumptions. 4/ Always Do Your Best. Thanks for the reminders Dr. C. Give Gus a hug. 💝
@jomoney465
2 жыл бұрын
you are always spot on. I was raised by two narcissists, so I was always attracted to familiar. And those two people created my reality in childhood, and I hooked up with several narcissists throughout my life, always wondering why. Listening to doctors and specialists like you has helped me tremendously to heal, all the way back to that little girl that was helpless and believed the toxic things that her parents, who were supposed to love her, spewed her way. My dignity was a birthright, and I claim it now, and I will overcome. I have overcome so much. Thank you for putting free videos on you tube so someone like me can watch you talk about how I can get out of the pit, stay out of the pit, and do not been enticed to get back into the pit. To wallow with a pig, you just get dirty, and the pig loves it. I must recognize the pig when it shows up in my life, thank you for helping me do that
@dawna4185
2 жыл бұрын
...well said! wishing you much love xo
@annmariekeim9553
2 жыл бұрын
Coming from a maternal family of malignant narcissists my saving grace was that I always considered the source. This helped me see reality clearly. You can't really take people who act like demented, cartoon characters seriously no matter how superior and domineering they are trying to be.
@chayo4537
2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely 💯
@vickioliver1098
2 жыл бұрын
well said
@stephenkarla7113
Жыл бұрын
Narcissistic seem to come from my maternal family. It's a nightmare! I thought I had found one that was a good friend to talk to but nope she's got an agenda as the others on the maternal side of the family.
@lucypalsgrove9210
Жыл бұрын
My husband told me with love in his eyes and said “ I wished I had met you earlier, so I could train you”. I told him that I was not a monkey, and could not be trained. I could not be trained and that made him rage at me! I am older and can only be me, I am not trainable! I only stayed for one year, but it felt like way longer!!
@Hatbox948
Жыл бұрын
Omg, mine says stuff like this all the time. It's so demeaning. It's also what he really wants; a servant.
@SAD-ij8in
2 жыл бұрын
When my mom says, "I will love you unconditionally, " it is pretty clear she means, "You have never done anything to be worthy of my love, but I'm going to keep trying to make you into the person I want you to be."
@TrouvatkiDePercusion
2 жыл бұрын
It really is just absolutely horrible when your own mother is a narcissist. Of all the people on the planet earth who you'd imagine you can turn to in times of distress, she's the first to cut you down. I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. I know it may not mean much coming from a disembodied string of text on the internet, but for what it's worth, I can relate. You're not alone.
@carolinekamya2339
2 жыл бұрын
@@TrouvatkiDePercusion Very true and so sad. The only upside is if you survive you shine brighter than ever before with more wisdom and an ability to generate your own self love - so much you can share it with the world - living in truth and no shame at all...authenticity and love something that the narcissist can never do - anyway we don't care about that - we move forward in strength and love - awesome
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
You're catching on!
@taraarrington2285
2 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry. The person my mom wants me to be would've been dead by now. Hang in there.
@carolinekamya2339
2 жыл бұрын
@@taraarrington2285 yep
@AlwaysStampinVideos
2 жыл бұрын
If the narcissist spoke honestly (at least this has been my experience…) 1. I love you. I shouldn’t have to say it or show it. You should just know it. 2. No one can love you like i do. That’s why you need to stick with me and spend all your time with me. 3. You can trust me. It goes without saying. I don’t have to earn your trust because you can just take my word for it. 4. I would never do anything on purpose to hurt you. Why would i disrespect you on purpose?! 5. I’m the nicest person you could ever meet. Again, why would i intentionally disrespect you?! What kind of person do you think i am?! 5. I don’t need help. I might see a therapist- just so i can convince them that you’re the one with the anger problem. 6. Anger is bad and you shouldn’t feel it. I’m never angry. I yell because i am frustrated. I pout because I’m sad. I huff because I’m annoyed. All of those things are fine for me to feel and do. When you do those things it’s because you have anger issues. 7. I have a good reason for every bad thing i do so my good reason makes the bad things i do, well… good. I’m not making excuses. I’m not sweeping things under a rug. I am entitled to my opinion. My opinion is kinda the same as my good reasons. I am entitled to both. I am a good person so my reasons for doing bad things are good which is why i don’t do bad things. Talk about a circus! Flying monkeys included. (Edited to clarify these are the narcissist’s words if they actually spoke them. I spent years assuming i was loved and with a trustworthy person because the words i heard on a regular basis were… no, you’re wrong, you can’t do that… then the silent treatment took up the rest of our conversations and i had to guess what the narcissist would say.)
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Your brain is very active, Kelly. Love it!
@AlwaysStampinVideos
2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism wrote what i experienced.
@amandaliverpool3374
2 жыл бұрын
😱 Expertly put ❣
@shellissanctuary7522
2 жыл бұрын
This!👌😬🙄
@alastairwest5200
Жыл бұрын
"Narcissist's Alternate Reality" - the Twilight Zone; what a fantastic, simple way to put it. Thanks again Dr. C.!!
@mr.seapig2811
2 жыл бұрын
The narcissists emotional processor is broken.. They have tons of unprocessed garbage (emotions) stuck in their heads from years/decades ago.. It’s like having your home completely filled with garbage bags that haven’t been taken out in years/decades.. What an emotional stink that leads to.
@iamgoddessoflove
2 жыл бұрын
Once you have a narcissist in your life, love doesn’t die a natural death. Narcissistic love is riding on the rollercoaster of disaster filled with a heart full of tears. 💙KZitemr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
@brynnleapierce5600
2 жыл бұрын
Before I went through a pivotal change in my mindset & had a “spiritual awakening” every indicator you listed was my experience. I'm happy to say breaking free from him has created a foundation to work on my codependent issues that made me prey to these type predators. I feel liberated to now concentrate on healing in my quest to keep arming myself with insightful information in building a solid foundation❤️
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Brynnlea. So pleased you're moving into the healing direction.
@dm3144
2 жыл бұрын
🦋 very well said🦋
@mariahewitt9787
2 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism G'day from Australia Dr. Could you please tell me, what kind of dog Gus is? He is adorable, I watch him while I listen to you.
@smithashenoy2742
Жыл бұрын
Left my job.. Left my pride.. Wasted my Tallent.. Just for a family. Feeling broken inside. Now decided to leave this mess and move on. Thank u so much for this insightful messages
@Brewtiful1975
2 жыл бұрын
I dealt with daily bullying for over fifteen years from a narcissist, mostly verbal and emotional, but occasionally physical. I'm free of him now, but I still have mental scars. Every one of your videos, I find myself nodding at what you're saying or outright talking to my screen...saying "Yep!" "Exactly!" "Nailed it!" etc etc. Thank you for these videos, especially for those of us who maybe suffer in silence...those of us who are maybe apprehensive to seek professional help, or maybe unable to seek professional help. These videos, and the community in the comments section, are so helpful and enlightening. Thank you again!
@mdee860
2 жыл бұрын
So nicely expressed! Dr. C. was instrumental in helping me to understand what I was dealing with & how to deal with him in a far better way. I'll be FOREVER grateful to him, and to this incredible community.
@texasrefugee7888
2 жыл бұрын
Also, I learned the really hard way you need to be very careful dating people who talk badly about their mother their father or their EX because they'll be talking about you like that soon! My ex narc would go on about how mean cruel and crazy his mother was well I wound up taking her place. He would go on about his ex and how she was a psycho and then I took her place. It's everybody else's fault not theirs
@henrykujawa4427
2 жыл бұрын
I find myself trying very hard to say or rermember good things about my Dad. He doesn't make it easy, and he's been gone for 21 years! But I do try. Mostly it involves food... if I'm eating something I know he'd have liked, I'll think that, or say it outloud to myself. "Dad would have LOVED this!!!" It allows me to have SOME good memories of him, despite all the bad ones.
@marieldavison5121
2 жыл бұрын
@@henrykujawa4427 Sometimes nothing mitigates the abuse.
@patrickkennedy7165
2 жыл бұрын
Every clip about narcissistic behavior is like listening to someone talking to me personally . I've watched several clips from various people and all relate to me directly . It sometimes feels like being in the Truman show , every one knows how it is except me !! . Why is it so hard to run like f**k away from the narcissist ! Run like your life depends on it , which ultimately it does . It's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make but deep down I know that true happiness is waiting , a peace and contentment I've never experienced . I need the strength from somewhere but where I don't know !!
@wandajemison4166
Жыл бұрын
I agree
@andrewschultz6608
2 жыл бұрын
One assumption I've often made is that I have to work harder for someone's attention than they have to work to get my approval. Now, when I feel this might be the case, I'm much better at backing off. It's been a good jump to make. There's still more ahead, I hope.
@denisesatt7044
2 жыл бұрын
I like this thought/introspection.. Thank you for sharing this.
@Sensei_Sean
2 жыл бұрын
The best way to deflect the narcissist is to interpret their disrespect as a form of praise. They are praising you when they attempt to disrespect you. Once you realize this, they'll actually ironically, have the opposite affect of what they desires or intended to have on you. This will confuse and scare them away because they are afraid of wisdom and especially self esteem.
@chayo4537
2 жыл бұрын
"He hit me and it felt like a kiss" ?...
@Sensei_Sean
Жыл бұрын
Im not encouraging narcissistic relationships, im just saying if you dont want it to bother you than just interpret it to mean the opposite of whatever they say. Bully the Narcissists this way and you will always win. They hate it when i interpret everything they say to mean the opposite because it confuses their teeny tiny little spray tanned brains. 😜🤟☺️🤭🦉
@aliceroberts1980
2 жыл бұрын
It’s so nice that Gus helps Dr.C
@lxraycatmaui2884
2 жыл бұрын
Day to day I never know what to expect. Angry frustrated swearing all day, or nicer and listening to music. It's really exhausting to even be around. I just don't want to deal with it 😕
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
When you find yourself becoming someone you don't like, it's time to seriously reevaluate!
@Hatbox948
Жыл бұрын
My situation exactly.
@goodfortunehand4830
2 жыл бұрын
1. I have to have the narc. cooperation. 2. I must make the narc. understand me. 3. I can't cope. 4. This person has ruined my life. 5. I must be the problem. 6. My dignity has been stripped from me. 7. My past with the narc. determines my future.
@BbBb-xb5xe
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks 😊
@notthatvashti8127
2 жыл бұрын
I love that term "psychological limp." It makes me know that I may be a little bent, but not completely broken to the point of no return. The pain is still there, but it's not debilitating. I can move forward and be better. Thanks Dr. C!
@truthh8597
2 жыл бұрын
7 Dangerous Assumptions Narcissists want you to accept- 1) I need to have the narcissist’s cooperation whenever I engage with them 2) If the narcissist does not understand you, you feel the need to make them understand them 3) I can’t cope (due to the narcissists impossible attitude) 4) This person has ruined my life (Losing quality of life, ruined reputation, lower quality of life) 5) Maybe I’m the problem (because of narcs blameshifting and projection) 6) Your dignity has been stripped from you (that you are a nobody) 7) My past with this person determines my future The narcs rejection of you determines your life I went through all of this
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the notes. Keep growing!!
@justmeandmyrucksack
Жыл бұрын
the narcissist wants conformity for disorder sake; the innocent demanding conformity from the narcissist may be doing so out of attempts to cease abuse of another person/family member by the narcissist? laziness and refusing to investigate deeper is how courtroom workers are fooled by narcissists?
@christinelaford8449
Жыл бұрын
Waste of energy to try to reason with. It's impossible because the illusion they believe is mind-numbing to the victim. I'm an analytical person & this is the worst. It is hard to not know what is happening. But I'm learning to just walk away...& to say no to any unfair demands. I love to see the dejected look on him; Sure beats the smug sickly smile.
@j.reneaudette432
2 жыл бұрын
I just left my wife whom I believe is a narcissist. We were married almost exactly a year ago. (3 days shy of our 1 year anniversary today) We moved into the 2 bdrm apt in her parents' basement about 18 months ago. Her mother hates me with the fires of the 9 hells and is a narcissist herself. I thought I could remain strong enough to ignore the behaviour. My wife then started mirroring and escalating the same behaviours her mother had towards me. Nothing I did was right, everything I did with our children was wrong. I was constantly gaslit, insulted, isolated from my family and made to feel like I was a failure as a husband, father, provider and man. I had a mental breakdown from the constant abuse and was hospitalized for 2 months. During that time my wife took off her wedding rings, ceased changing her name but was just nice enough to fool me into thinking things could change. I did ECT (electro convulsive therapy: 12 weeks) 2 weeks after my last treatment she announced she was leaving with our kids and her parents to go out west to visit her sister. The length of time was ever changing and what started as a 2 week trip become 3 weeks, then 4, then 5, then after 6 they finally came home. When my wife and kids got back the nagging, insulting, disrespect just ramped up. My kids were isolated from me, my wife wouldn't "let me" take them to see my family. I was excluded from our son's 2nd birthday. I had been asking her to move for at least 9 months because I was experiencing death by a thousand cuts between her and her parents but she refused saying that she would not move anywhere unless it was to a house. (The market being what it is this essentially meant that moving was permanently off the table) A week and a half ago I couldn't take anymore and this is where I am now. Some of my belongings in storage and sleeping on a couch at my best friend's house. Things are shitty but the weight that I feel has been lifted by not being in that pressure cooker of negativity and oppression has made my decision totally worth it.
@graveyardghost2603
2 жыл бұрын
It certainly does sound like you have been in the "fires of 9 Hells"--i am sorry and I wish the best for you.
@j.reneaudette432
2 жыл бұрын
A few more tidbits....my M-I-L HATED the name we chose for our youngest and has NEVER called him by that name and instead just started calling him a name she preffered. My wife then just went along with the name change and now exclusively calls our son by the name her mom uses. Also after being isolated from my boys for those six weeks this summer, my 2 year old started referring to her dad as daddy and NO ONE corrects him and instead just have a hearty laugh over it.
@Jens0215
2 жыл бұрын
Omg, please get a lawyer ASAP, and ask for a Guardian ad litem. There is hope. It’s going to be one hell of a road, but your children deserve better.
@blueskies6475
Жыл бұрын
Omg!
@radhasen.animalwelfare.5644
2 жыл бұрын
I have always had one solution for control freaks, people who try to belittle or demean you, sadists and people who use the carrot & stick method.. And people who deliberately are out to harm you emotionally. I don't hang around trying to classify if they are bi polar or a narcissist or waste my time categorising them! I'm very tuned into my feelings and instincts. When I feel the first signs of being uncomfortable, provoked or heckled, I simply severe ties without any explanation and stop all communication or contact and that's that. That's my self-defense mechanism and I simply vanish from the lives of twisted, warped, self serving control freaks. Never keep company with emotional cannibals and serial soul killers! Do know a narcissist is like a giant blood sucking tick on a dog!
@cherobinson6371
Жыл бұрын
Yeah I quickly walk away from anyone at work,in public,neighbors etc now. I used to thin k it was rude of me but now realize it’s not and it’s the best thing to do. Absolutely ignore anyone who gives u a bad vibe.Narcissistic are counting on our nice ways to manipulate us. They know we are capable of tolerating to much and can be 2 nice. They are counting on us to be Too Polite. It is not Rude to Turn the cheek and walk away.
@darbydonaho536
2 жыл бұрын
So wonderful to be able to listen to someone that is so logical in their thinking. So glad I am not married to my brother! LOLHe is really in bad shape… His poor wife… He tried his proverbial shit on me and I didn’t buy into it. I don’t have to divorce him as I can just simply refused to be in his presence. Now that the inheritance lawsuit is over, I don’t think I’ll ever have to be in his presence again. Just want you to know, Dr. Les, your videos helped me through this last year.
@bluestar.8938
Жыл бұрын
And isn't it a strange, contorted world view they demand we get drawn into. Exhausting indeed. Thank you Dr Carter and Gus : )
@williamrochalacerda5688
Жыл бұрын
WHEN HE SPEAKS HE SEEMS TO BE TALKING ABOUT ME. IT IS JUST EXACTLY HOW HE PUTS.
@janettemartin4604
2 жыл бұрын
I met a woman who tells me her "friend" had a narcissistic husband and everything she said I AGREED TO! I felt SO not alone! THANK GOD people are listening accepting and LEARNING about this tragic LIFE! thanks doc
@aaronkwolfe
2 жыл бұрын
#yana is “You are NOT alone.”
@deborahcollins1100
2 жыл бұрын
As a Believer in Christ and Biblical scriptures and listening to Biblical preaching any descriptions of satan actually describes a narcissist. It’s extremely frightening to me especially being married to one and he definitely meets all the descriptions 😢
@texasrefugee7888
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Peck's book People of the LIE describe some people who are so narcissistic they are possessed. This is an incredible book
@lucyt-c8092
2 жыл бұрын
I second “ people of the lie “. also, if you are a faithful christian, as in you BELIEVE in Jesus- say to yourself, silently, when you feel/ see / know the demon is within your husband “ In the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ , I rebuke thee “. I have done it several times and he left the room - for hours - and came back “ normal “ ie: free of demon. It has worked for me .
@joywebster2678
2 жыл бұрын
Deborah, read what you wrote..you said your narcissist is Satan. Well there are thousands of narcissists, I believe it would be more accurate to say they are evil, as they are. It also lessens your distortion that only you were married to Satan. Words and labels matter. God can save sinners and even those that are evil, but not Satan.
@deborahcollins1100
2 жыл бұрын
@@joywebster2678 I certainly did not mean in my comment to imply I believed that I was married to Satan! Sorry if it read that way! No of course I do NOT believe that! I believe people can be be very evil and be possessed at times and I do NOT say this very lightly about my husband or anyone 😢
@NS-wl2vi
Жыл бұрын
@@joywebster2678 Going agaisnt the knowledge of God Is actions of Satan SATAN only goal is to destroy your relationship with GOD THE commentor is correct Describing the behavior of her partner
@Canaday291
2 жыл бұрын
The malignant narcissist I divorced expects and coercively controls others to believe his pathological lies, deranged opinions and viewpoints,deceit, gaslighting ,and detached from reality reframed history ,false narratives , and paranoias. If you have your own autonomy, opinions, beliefs that counter his you become the “defector” from his cult.. his sworn enemy He makes sure to triangulate and smear campaign others against you.
@Datb2
2 жыл бұрын
i had a a covert narc reveal themselves who i used to call my bestfriend(not sure why i did but i did) and now that i know what they are i made them an acquaintance very quickly. this was someone who has called me ditzy to my face because they think less of me
@Jens0215
2 жыл бұрын
There are soooooo many narcissistic women out there. I’ve gone through way too many ‘best friends’ because they’re all terrible women. I always felt sorry for the kids, because lord narcissists make terrible mothers 😔
@Beeytress
2 жыл бұрын
Spot on! Narc imploded because he wanted his way. Caused so much dysregulation that my partner questioned whether or not he was a good person. I said, "You're going to let this person determine your worth? Look how he treats others." Two years of no contact. --except for Narc and enablers hoovering and partner falling for it. Little by little he sees the Narc for who he is--A Bully, manipulator, conformity seeker, who only thinks of himself.
@elanahammer1076
2 жыл бұрын
The one thing I find so baffling about narcissism is how in their distorted lens of reality. There in lies a heart ❤ full of hate and insecurity. Since there are various levels of narcissism, it makes me wonder if the off the charts narcs have nothing but 🖤 black hearts? Not sure but definitely pondering that thought. Thank you 🤔❤🇺🇸🖤
@aaronkwolfe
2 жыл бұрын
Not even guessing. I want to hear it from someone I trust. Experience is one thing, but training/expertise is another entirely.
@amandaliverpool3374
2 жыл бұрын
Agreed 👍
@bredpoetforsociegt
2 жыл бұрын
Personally, I think experience is a must. (I mean first hand experience with dealing with someone narcissistic. Not necessarily because they have had a job for a few years. Lol)
@aaronkwolfe
2 жыл бұрын
@@bredpoetforsociegt I actually go for both. I appreciate the experience that team healthy has, and that’s really all I have to offer. But there are (frequent) times where I really want to hear what a professional has to say. I spent Thursday in DC with my visiting sister, so I’ll be sure to watch on Friday.
@michaelclark4043
2 жыл бұрын
Most narcissists either can't or won't accept some known inferior quality they have within themselves. Instead of working to improve themselves they will often find fault with someone else to make themselves feel better. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. They are to be pitied rather than envyed.
@divaslm1
2 жыл бұрын
You just have to END SUPPLY to these folks. No contact....
@shahadah1451
Жыл бұрын
My daughter would like me to be miserable because she is. But she will never admit this or apologize for her poor treatment of me and her son.
@sage9836
2 жыл бұрын
"Narcissism is a mindset." Wow quote! The reason this seemingly basic clarifies so much is - we all wonder how to classify this strange thing we call narcissism, explanations from religion and science, down to absurd ideas of superstition and psychobabble. A mindset is a concept that makes sense as a classification. Having a classification breaks the spell.
@Minneolaos
2 жыл бұрын
In my opinion it's the easiest way to think of narcissists as parasites, human parasites (or leeches). Whereas antisocials (APD / ASPD) is a strategy that IS obviously at odds with people and society, because they are shameless takers, a narcissist (NPD) is their shameful sibling that blends in to leech off. Thus, a narcissist is pretty similar to an antisocial as they also take, but their strategy is somewhat different. A narcissist can take many forms, they are not all of the grandiose type.
@sage9836
2 жыл бұрын
@@Minneolaos The shy ones are hard to spot. Well hidden parasites!
@trevorhill7468
2 жыл бұрын
Needed this one today. I'm going through a separation with my narcissistic partner that had been going well for weeks (he kept alternating between making jabs and then hoovering, but I didn't respond), but this week he 'changed his mind' about our agreement that I would stay in our apartment and he would leave after a new tenant had already been selected and a lease signing appointment had been made. He's trying one last time to destroy my life, but all I keep thinking is "DRC, DRC, DRC." Only a few more weeks and then I never have to go through this again. Thanks Dr. C!
@dawna4185
2 жыл бұрын
..sending you much strength!!!!
@victoriakeatingmusic2176
Жыл бұрын
Stay strong. You deserve to be happy and well. And you will be! Sending you much love ❤❤
@evelyne7071
2 жыл бұрын
Having been married to a covert narcissist for many years taught me the red flags to be aware of when the next one came along……….no longer a covert narcissist magnet.
@bonniehonchell9963
2 жыл бұрын
I walk proudly with the limp. I'm surrounded by a Narcissistic Board & Management Co., along with many neighbors now! That has helped me make my decision to get "out of Dodge". I personally refuse to live like this. Thank you for putting the puzzle pieces together for those of us who wake up feeling like we've been dropped off on some strange planet. I've noticed how the quality of life has been dipping lower as the quantity of Narcissists grows larger. The people who purposely feed & grow Narcissist behavior, whether it be parent child, love relationships, jobs, & of course Social Media should be getting the same help & a wake up call!? Thank you always for your time & help. Hugs to Gus, & the best to you & yours.💯
@michellehill718
2 жыл бұрын
Indeed!🕊
@lindawise5546
2 жыл бұрын
OMGoodness, so well written! I am beginning to feel the comraderie of the people who commet. Feeling more empowered. We have to lift each others spirits andbtell our stories. Helping each other climb out of a damn well! I am going to embrace my limp too !
@bonniehonchell9963
2 жыл бұрын
@@lindawise5546 🤗, Yes! It's a badge of honor, in a way. Keep shining your beautiful light. No one can diminish that, but yourself. I took my power back. Thank You, & so many good things I wish for you!💖💯
@sloanmagnum5009
2 жыл бұрын
You almost sound like you're looking to be a victim....
@chrisbillings2050
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. C is so skilled in helping a survivor of Narcissist Abuse getting past the damage inflicted upon them by these "Creatures". Thank You Dr. C.
@gertrudewest4535
Жыл бұрын
If Aldon, the famous Berkeley peregrine falcon can “move forward with a limp” and become the hero he was meant for to be, then so can I. Animals have made me a far more better human than 99% of humanity. And wild birds are especially my heroes, as well as Dr. Carter!
@Joanna-np6fx
Жыл бұрын
This is so important!! As a daughter of a covert narcissistic father all my formative childhood years were so warped by hearing his disappointment in me etc. over and over. This video has so helped me to step out of the person I was taught to believe I was and have some perspective on who I really am. The narcissist can’t self-reflect and doesn’t have insight but, thank God, I have the ability to do that and I can listen and learn.
@Rachel-mz8ko
3 ай бұрын
❤ The first time I watched this video I thought I only had one narcissist, my husband (narcissist #2). But this video is really perfect for narcissist #1, my mother. When it’s your parents, (one or both) I don’t see that there’s really any way to avoid the trap. I never really spent a LOT of serious time trying to change her mind. She was very strong-willed (and proud of it). I can see the fatal blow was when both parents made me responsible for her-my father at the point of what he considered final desperation. (It was short-lived. He bounced back, but not before I crashed.) I was struggling, but doing OK up until then. So, this video confirms everything, even why I absorb or attempt to absorb your tone. My conscious and unconscious goal is a new worldview. Sorry, all you fellow Christians out there, I’m deep into theology, but it seems knowledge of God alone is not enough. (Let’s hope I’m not getting struck dead for saying that; but, I suspect He agrees with me.) So, what's the quickest way to get a new worldview? ( have to add that it can get really complicated sorting out two narcissists at the same time. Sometimes I switch mid video between the two.)
@cheri238
2 жыл бұрын
Dignity is my birth right ✅️ Thank you everyday for your expertise. Much love to you and Gus.❤️
@Bianca-sw5id
Жыл бұрын
He set out to devalue me , is the only person who thinks I am less than what other people think
@TheeaMusic
2 жыл бұрын
"the narcissist's demented distortion is not your reality"
@jacquelinelenarz3267
2 жыл бұрын
They don't care !!!!
@Roberts444
2 жыл бұрын
Heh. Yeah, this is why, when I run into someone like this, I walk. Just shut it down. You can say what you want about me, but you're going to say it by yourself. 🧘♀️ Thank you!
@rppope1006
Жыл бұрын
I became a very well respected person in my community. One of the ways was that because my mom had no respect for me. Others knew she was a narc so the more disrepected me the more others respected me
@ritaking8827
2 жыл бұрын
The hardest thing I am going through is letting go of the nonsense that I need his cooperation in order to just live my day to day life. I DO NOT! Ohh he’s done a number on me! And I let him. I’m not going to let him do this to me ever again.
@warriormom5843
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, Dr. C, ☮️ indeed. Blessings and have a wonderful day 😇🙏🏼 Hugs to Gus 🐶💙
@lynnfincham6839
2 жыл бұрын
Mr narc says “ I don’t fancy you?” This has made me feel very sad inside. Intimacy is void in the relationship but I would love to find the courage to know that I could be “fancied” again. I am not really sure of the notion to not be fancied , I felt that I can’t be loved. It’s been a lonely place. I have split from mr narc /toxic relationship but inside feel quite unworthy. I suppose those cruel words are still controlling me 😥
@nylaclancy2655
Жыл бұрын
They had 65 yrs of me because I didn't know what a narcissist was. But not 1 more day will be spent involving my precious moments I have left.
@sheilaalawdi591
2 жыл бұрын
They say: "...You're not a good Christian...blah, blah, blah..." Just because you don't buy into their presumptions
@Bianca-sw5id
Жыл бұрын
They claim everyone else plays mind games with them and all these things that they push onto other people
@tanwohman7578
Жыл бұрын
My brokenness does NOT define me. THIS.
@tmo.48
2 жыл бұрын
Looonng before I found out my husband was a covert narcissist I realized he was playing head games/games with me and I told him what he was doing and that he'd have to play by himself because I wasn't any good at playing games. It really didn't stop him but it was relieving to me that I knew HE knew that there wouldn't be any response from me. Since finding these channels I realized he is covert narc and it's like living as a different person, I can pretty much read them like a book and can spot them at great distance and can realize their next move. I am so much more at peace with myself and those around me. Knowledge won't change THEM but will change you. They obviously think they are perfect and can't understand why they should grow into better people but seriously it's a great thing to feel and do for yourself.
@l.5832
2 жыл бұрын
Over the years I have helped out my sister countless times. In return, she told me that I am not a priority to her. Anything she could think of doing, would be more important to her than me. I no longer interact with her.
@nancysayad9960
2 жыл бұрын
They live as if they were kings or queens in their previous birth and we were their subjects 😆
@msmacmac1000
2 жыл бұрын
🙏🏼Dr C. I don’t know what I’d do without you. ❤️
@liljerseygirl249
2 жыл бұрын
I have felt that my first boy friend as a teenager, who was very narcissistic, ruined my life., and that was exactly what he wanted to do. Yet I set out to make my life better and I have.
@maryglo1
Жыл бұрын
Thank you, thank you, thank you Dr. C. Had bad experiences with several acquaintances of the sociopath. Two grandiose and two covert! Lots of ruin! Running with the pack? Steer clear of the marauding disenfranchised.
@brightpage1020
2 жыл бұрын
If you are married and have children with somebody like this and experience the children picking up the level of disrespect for you that the husband displays… um… Asking for a friend. Thanks.
@bonnystarkey1143
2 жыл бұрын
This video is GREAT! Thank you so much for explaining it. I was caught in a horrible controlling relationship for a very long time. It was very confusing and I lost myself. But I’m thriving now, thanks to videos such as yours.
@nazila686
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks to him I have skin cancer dealing with his drug problem and I have 4/5 months to live. My results came in yesterday and he couldn't even call to ask about my results. The only thing he does is keep texting, torturing, and treading me every day. Thank you so much for your videos
@happydays199
2 жыл бұрын
That's very insensitive of him. My heart goes out to you.
@nancynelson179
2 жыл бұрын
Do you know about Louise Hay’s little book You Can Heal Your Life? Amazon or used book stores might still have it. Look up what she says about “skin”. One creative visualization that might empower you is to take a shower or bath with the conscious intention of washing him out of your hair and his touch off your skin, then get an aloe plant and slice a leaf open and apply the fresh aloe gel to the affected area. It may turn black before it heals, you can keep reapplying the gel as it doesn’t stain. Sometimes I’ve kept the gel on under a bandage until a scab forms. Trusting Nature works for me but your own answers are within you. Another self help strategy is to do trance writing. If you are right handed, write your healing question with your right hand then switch to writing out the answer with your left hand to read your subconscious mind’s answer. It might look like scribbles at first but take what comes and with right hand ask what it means and with left hand keep getting answers that are outside your conscious awareness from the highest part of your being. This little ceremony does none harm and is a self care action. You can, of course, accept, reject, or ignore this or anyone else’s ideas, including that from your non-dominant left hand which corresponds to your more intuitive right brain. The left brain or right hand is more logical but sometimes just going with the flow of automatic trance writing is useful especially for over thinkers like me. I’m a retired master hypnotherapist and we are all human and imperfect but doing the best we can with the behaviors and resources we have considering the individual circumstances we are each in. That does imply hopefulness for best outcome, doesn’t it? May you be free from suffering and May all things be well. God bless you, I feel compassion for you. I want for you that which you want for yourself, health, long life, beautiful skin, happiness and joy.
@Hatbox948
Жыл бұрын
I hope you're ok. Such an ominous, sad post.
@signsfrombeyond4863
2 жыл бұрын
They are sucking out the moisture of a dry sponge, while the rest of us our overflowing with the waters of the fountain of life.
@lorenas8518
2 жыл бұрын
I have listened and watched Dr. C for about a year..I had a 3 year "friend" relationship with a Narcissist, but I got hold of myself and let him go. I am a strong, capable and loving woman. I would never put up with someone trying to control my life. Thank you Dr. for showing me the light. ❤
@maytruthprevail4668
2 жыл бұрын
Doctor you sure speak from your heart. Your videos are great. Thank you for your deep insights into the world of narcissism and it's terrible impact. Your encouragement certainly sets the tone to think broadly and not be hemmed in by the Narcissist's delusional thinking. Once again thank you for all that you and your team does to contain this tyrannical behavior, and spread awareness.
@majarios4280
Жыл бұрын
Gus looks happier than most people lol☺
@teacup1703
2 жыл бұрын
A not so merry Merry-go-round. Nothing changed until a perfect storm of circumstances revealed the truth of narcissistic abuse and NPD Starting over and setting boundaries is releasing me from filtering my life through their way of thinking. ❤️🩹 🐶 🙏
@terrikennish819
2 жыл бұрын
I was writing the awful things you've said in this video and I pray I can find my place for peace , thank you Dr C, you always hit the nail on the head only I was actually writing these things when I got the notification, that's how close God is.
@vickioliver1098
2 жыл бұрын
God is sooooooooo good kzitem.info/news/bejne/x36hrGiPm5GmmX4
@terrikennish819
2 жыл бұрын
I would like to add I'm watching this piticular one over and over, I am still stunned at the timing, Dr. Les Carter you're an angel sent from above and that's etched in stone!
@lucypalsgrove9210
2 жыл бұрын
The best thing to do is forgive yourself, for falling for all the fake crap they threw at us .. I am still working on it. God bless you
@terrikennish819
2 жыл бұрын
@@lucypalsgrove9210 thank you so much for encouragement ❤️I'm 63 and it's been all my life the dad died 2014 we were done years before but this son is a clone 💔 I'm sincerely sick for 15yrs and never be same from surgeries and cancer surgery left me with internal bleeding till I was 2pts from empty so my thinking is slow or I forget, I always forgive and forgave but your pt to forgive myself I don't even know how to love and take care or what it really feels like to be free, but I appreciate your attention to me
@julieswelha3131
2 жыл бұрын
Well, I think this was exactly what I needed right now. Thank you. I was in the middle of a pity party thinking maybe I’ll be happy when I die. Maybe. But then Dr. C popped up, watched it twice and felt pulled back into reality. 43 years had me conditioned, I’ll say. Been out and away 13 months and it meant the world to me to hear all you said. Dignity is my birthright. I’ll be just fine. Thank you so very kindly for setting me straight and helping me understand my situation. I may have a psychological limp. That doesn’t stop me from walking forward.❤
@LaniLanilei
Жыл бұрын
The comments are amazing in all your rooms Dr Carter. So encouraging to see so many benefiting. Your two edge sword is unique. Knowledge and Wisdom is in our hands. We know how to free ourselves from narcissists abuse now. The pursuit of happiness, life, and liberty without a narcissist feels good Thank You Dr Carter for answering to your call.❤
@kylaren6337
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. C., I think the NPD gets a kick out of thinking they have ruined someone else’s life.
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
Sick but true
@LaniLanilei
Жыл бұрын
I watch more than once your videos. My mother said, to me, "Repetition is the Mother of Retention". I listen. 😄
@SurvivingNarcissism
Жыл бұрын
Love that, Rita!
@LaniLanilei
Жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism ty Dr Carter
@yvonnemariehorvatr.h.n.nut3315
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Carter, thank you. You are a constant reminder that I'm a normal person and in fact , I am very very unique!. I decided upon hearing your 7 accurate beliefs that I am going to write them down on a paper, frame it and put it where I can see it every day to remind me of who I am and not who that narrasstic person thinks I am. Today I learned many new words you used that describe the narcissistic person beautifully. You used "impersonality" which I had to look up. Which means not caring about the individual or their feelings. WOW. So true. Also, I am currently trying to heal from a narcissistic mother that did a lot of damage as a child and I cooperated and agreed with what she said not knowing anything better and now that I know I am trying to come to terms with emotional healing from emotional dissonance and disregulation and trying to stop reverting back to defence mechanisms in the presence of narcissistic people. I hold different values but these scars from childhood plague me and affect other relationships I have or start even subconsciously. I have a hard time with bullying and staying quiet. I just sometimes become a lose Canon.😪
@henrykujawa4427
2 жыл бұрын
That's a great idea. I think I'm gonna follow your example, run that part of the video back, and write down the list. I've got my own mantra for dealing with "impossible" people, but it requires a lot of repeating. 1 - smile / 2 - do what needs to be done / 3 - IGNORE THEIR BULLSHIT. #3 is the toughest!
@yvonnemariehorvatr.h.n.nut3315
2 жыл бұрын
@@henrykujawa4427 good for you. it's time for us to create a new blue print for our minds
@barbaraaschwingelswihart572
2 жыл бұрын
I realized after much past occurrences, I realized. If he can do these things to me . He can’t even like me . Love is not even a thought in his world. When I kinda worried if he’s alright. I stopped and say to myself again, go over all the things he’s done and I snap back and smile and feel free and ready to move on
@jong5156
Жыл бұрын
I didn't notice the dog on the couch till the end of the video 🐶😂 what a good doggy
@Zenith510.
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. C lives in my head. 😌
@SurvivingNarcissism
2 жыл бұрын
I hope that is in a good way!!
@vickioliver1098
2 жыл бұрын
I can hear his comforting advice in my head sometimes too.
@shahadah1451
Жыл бұрын
1. "I have to have the narcissist's cooperation. Or, she has to have mine.". N.O. We can differ, and I MUST differ in order to be healthy. They/she WILL NOT receive conformity from me. 2. If she does not understand me, I don't have to persuade her. I won't waste time and effort on her game. 3. I CAN cope even though her attitudes are impossible. I will no longer be collapsed by her. 4. My mother and my daughter HAVE NOT ruined my life! I have been diminished by them, but I am still intact. 5. I am NOT a terrible or stupid person, even if she calls me so. I am not perfect, but I am NOT terrible. 6. My dignity has NOT been stripped. I will not believe that even though she wants me to. 7. My past DOES NOT determine my future, even though they do have an influence. I will not be defined by a demented addict. *****8. I am unique, capable, competent. I get to decide who I am. Her/their rejection is their problem not for me to solve. Dignity exists on my inside, and does not have to be proven. My brokenness, while experienced, is not my final word. Bullies are not good teachers. I won't play her head games. Her reality is not my truth.***** Thank you, Dr. C. ! HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY!
@Nutritionistheanswer
2 жыл бұрын
I think it is important to remember that these beliefs are important to remember for ANY relationship not just for the relationship with the narcissist. As someone who is trying to move past a previous relationship with a narcissist, I think sometimes it is important to make sure that you are grounded in truth in reality and are not letting anyone make presumptions about who you are and what your intentions or beliefs may be.
@cahillali4910
Жыл бұрын
Narcissists desire to argue with other people with fabricated false predicament, in order to deflect your center of attention for their own benefit. And the following are the triggers of this horrid dissension:- (1) He/she will inveigle any matter in question that arouses trepidation to someone else. (2) He/she wilk drive you till you end up to a level of moral culpability. (3) He/she will irritate much of your chagrin. (4) He/she will manifest signs of much dubieity of your aptitude. (5) He/she will impel you to play the second fiddle to any circumstance.
@lasanadora2002
2 жыл бұрын
I am so grateful I found you. You have a unique heartfelt way of clarifying the issues and how to better handle them. It has made a huge difference in my life and perceptions. Thankyou is totally inadequate for how grateful I am.
@michaelfox9750
2 жыл бұрын
Yep, it's so great just to spend a few minutes (or more!) With Dr. C. His videos have helped me and so many others so much
@zeusaegiduchos2981
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for making these videos, they are very helpful in helping understand what happens to us and to help protect ourselves from toxic peoples. This is one of my favourite video. I have passed many years trying to explain myself to family and no mather how calm, polite, precise and specific I am I have been met with being invalidated, ridiculed, cut before I finish a sentence or rage at. It is like no one wants me to open up and reveal my reality expecting that I live a role that have been decided for me. My life situation share similarities with the movie "Dead Poets Society" where I am expected to do a career, adopt a dress code and live a lifestyle that have been chosen for me with no regard to who I am as a person and what lifestyle I wish to live nor aknowledging the pain and suffering that I go thru while being coerced into accepting an alternate worldview and being blamed for the troubles that have been givin me. When I was a kid I had an orthondontic device that would hurt me and I would sometime take it off at night and hide it. One day my father found it and throw his fist in the wall. He made a hole in my bedroom wall. He told me "look what you made me do". It was somehow my fault that he put his fist in the wall. I was 9 years old. I am 45 and although I have not seen him in 21 years I am still angry at him and other family member. Dealing with the aftereffect of narcissistic abuse is very hard, especially when the only viable option to sanity is to distance ourselves completely from our whole biological family without support trying to survive alone with mental, physical and financial stress.
@StormsHurt
Жыл бұрын
I am so close to healed. 6 Months I would have yes to all 7, now only 2.
@jacquelinedriver2084
2 жыл бұрын
This information is so good, I just sent it to my daughter. She is suffering, with a narcissist husband. I’ve seen her shrink.
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