Have some helpful links in the description, including more related videos & a link to my new boundaries workshop so that you can be better at setting and sticking to them! ❤
@raywood8187
Жыл бұрын
I don't see the link for the boundaries workshop, Kati.
@SeanSaintLouis
Жыл бұрын
@@raywood8187 Good catch Ray!
@valeriewalkerwhite9525
6 ай бұрын
I believe it’s of being addicted to helping ppl so the codependent person will feel needed, hence valuable..so codependent ppl tend to find drug addicts, mentally impaired or someone who has problems all the time so they can rescue etc
@langoda
4 ай бұрын
I don't know, I don't stuggle with people breaching my boundaries, more like others stuggle to set them with me due to my oversharing and excessive need for emotional connection. I lost people because it seems it drains them, but I still don't understand how is it not like 50 percent of everyones time sharing and connecting and talking with others. Not much else I am interested in
@normamarquez5219
14 күн бұрын
❤Thank you!!! Katie I realized I have been codependent for many years, trying to fix or help people I did not have time for myself. My last relationship ended and I am in my own journey to recovery. God bless you!!!
@rebeccaoprea9917
Жыл бұрын
Codependency is an unhealthy idolization of others and also feeling incomplete without them .
@enamored1
Жыл бұрын
well said
@reflux043
Жыл бұрын
That sounds alot like "favourite person" in borderline personality disorder.
@madameproblemes6548
Жыл бұрын
@@reflux043 That's why these two tend to pair up. I went through a relationship with a BPD person and the thing is that the codependant is attached and stays attached while the BPD partner splits so it is a very painful situation to be in.
@savanahmuses
Жыл бұрын
It's more like, hurting yourself to keep the relationship. And / or using controlling behaviors toward the other person to keep or control the relationship. -- ultimately from fear of losing the other person.
@peepeepoopoo2710
Жыл бұрын
Literally how I am with my bf rn.
@tessah.7641
Жыл бұрын
I'm like an empty, lost puppy when my husband is at work. I've realized instead of combatting this with work I need to work on my emptiness.
@gcombes420
Ай бұрын
You got this try to balance with some friendships exercise find strength in your self and find purpose in your way of life more so then just the relationship you can build an empire with your partner and both be successful make sure your dieting rite and eating protien and express how your feeling to your partner
@wendydaniel1110
Ай бұрын
Codependency is like always setting yourself on fire to keep the other people warm. ❤
@pavschodyko6531
15 күн бұрын
Oh I burnt so many times
@JEEPBABYB
Жыл бұрын
I didn’t realize how badly codependent I truly am 😢.. I feel the need to be in a relationship and I’m clingy I didn’t understand I have always tried to ‘help’ others and I always felt the need to help help help others no matter how it effects me and usually it was overwhelming to me..I didn’t realize that I may be ‘helping’ to make others like or accept me 😢I didn’t realize that … I do notice I am changing myself to be accepted by others
@brittanystipe
Ай бұрын
You are empowered to realize where others have had power over you! I hope since you have posted this that you've been able to make positive changes towards independence and interdependence with others. You can do it and you are worthy and complete on your own, without validation from others. Healing love to you as you find where others end and you begin - self love and respect is the most beautiful thing and such a great model to those around us 💝
@shreyaroymahapatra2719
Жыл бұрын
As someone going through a breakup currently,this is just what I needed. Now I finally see the fallacies and where I went wrong in my relationship, alas a little too late. Thanks Kati for the video.
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
Of course!! I am so glad it was helpful.. and all we can do is learn and try to do it differently next time. xxoo
@Mindsetolympics
Жыл бұрын
❤❤nothing is a mistake its all lessons!
@princesschelsea1558
Жыл бұрын
It seems obvious now, but I never really thought about the OTHER person when it comes to my codependency. What I mean is I thought I was the one who was 100% at fault for everything. Watching this video made me realize that as I lean into my codependency by taking care of my boyfriend, he leans into it too by expecting me to take care of his needs and wants because I took a more mother role than girlfriend role. I need to put up much stronger boundaries, but I also need him to lean on himself (which setting my boundaries will force him to do). I’m realizing that my behaviors have put some behaviors in others into motion. So if I want him to use the laundry basket, I need to stop picking up his clothes as he throws them all around the house 😅 I have a lot of work to do, but I’m motivated now!
@beatselekta
Жыл бұрын
It felt like I wrote this comment. I experienced the same thing with my ex. I burnt myself out because I needed him to pull his weight but by picking up the slack I was enabling his behaviour.
@isa-qg5lp
Жыл бұрын
Around a month ago, me and a codependent friend said we needed a "break" from our friendship. At the beginning of the month, I felt betrayed when she skipped my birthday and made me out as the problem despite her being the one skipping an important day to me. I didn't want to lose her, so I totally gave into her. She ignored me for a week without explanation. After we talked again, at the end of the month, she told me things that hurt me severely, so I told her I needed a break. For a while, I felt free, because I cut someone out of my life who didn't actually like me the entire time; she wanted my attention. She wanted someone she could always talk to and rely on emotionally. She wanted someone who was willing to show her new people, when she'd never show me hers. Today I randomly thought about her and felt a pit in my stomach. I remembered the times our friendship was nothing but fun, bonding, and not having a care in the world or having any problems with each other. When life got stressful, she hurt me. It's gonna take me a while to get better, but I'm going to invest more in the other friendships I have and my boyfriend. Codependent friendships always crash and burn.
@BoloBouncer
10 ай бұрын
Sounds like you were codependent with a narcissist, which is sadly common.
@wareforcoin5780
9 ай бұрын
The only reason I don't think this is actually my ex friend is because this post is 5 months old, and not 2 months. I did hurt her pretty badly, but she came on to my boyfriend and tried to get him to cheat with her. Regrettable that I'd give in to my feelings and lash out, but what realistically did she think was going to happen? This is exactly how she would word things to avoid looking bad. She knew how I was struggling with self esteem and loving myself, and she took advantage of my trust in her to try to get laid. It's hard to not talk to someone all the time, but even though I'm codependent, I'd rather talk to a hippo in the Nile than even look at her ever again. Honestly, maybe it was for the better. She taught me that I can enforce my boundaries and I'll be supported and loved even though I said "no." What a great last gift she gave me.
@mockingmoniker7443
Жыл бұрын
I once met a lovely woman who quickly became totally obsessed with me. I could tell really quickly that she was desperate to make someone love her. She was fine, but I felt hopelessly engulfed in her love. She made a plea to me out of the blue in a near panic. I change the relationship to a friendship. I think she was relieved. I nudged her to get into therapy. She had garbage boundaries and worked to slave away for her mother and others, and totally neglected her needs. It was painful to watch such a young woman throw her entire life away for nothing of value just to feed her mother who can't get a job. She did go to therapy. After paying for her mother and working so hard, she barely had money and time for it, but the therapist was greatly helpful. The therapist referred to her some books and even recited some points I made to her. The problem with being a people pleaser is that it scares people so they push you away. That makes the person double their efforts and blame themselves. Learning to take care of yourself and focus on yourself gives others freedom to like or dislike you. That let's them like you. They feel happy to be around you. She got a lot better.
@SirenaSpades
16 минут бұрын
This sounds like BPD
@AR-zn1uy
8 ай бұрын
I really needed this. Both of us were codependent. Both had addiction issues. I paid all the bills. Gave up my revovery and life just to be closer to her. Then i found out she had a sugar daddy giving her money when i was going into debt taking care of her. Im glad its over and i dodged that bullet. I want to set boundaries and never neglect my own well being again.
@Azzne-
7 ай бұрын
How do you not need others? I can’t seem to figure out how to be independent and have validation/reassurance come from inside me. Idk. It is really lonely but I’m trying to learn how to accept the feeling. It seems like everyone else can manage it so much better than me
@leahmullen705
19 күн бұрын
No honey, you are not alone. If you weren’t taught at a young age true safe love, It’s going to be hard. But sit with that feeling. You get stronger. It’s fucking hard I hate it. But I hope you get a little better
@halliemyers3228
Жыл бұрын
I'm in a complicated just friends/definitely into each other relationship. This is the closest thing to a romantic relationship that I have ever had and I am learning so much about myself. I worry about him constantly, I worry that I am annoying him, I want to make sure he is ok 24/7, I prioritize him over everything. I had no idea that I struggled with codependency until now and I am so thankful that I realized it. I'm excited to get better and I'm hoping that things work out well between us. I'm gonna start by practicing self care and talking to him a little less. I'm going to give God all of my worries and let go.
@asomya87
Жыл бұрын
Hi Hallie! I love the way you put it. I am also currently facing a similar situation. So, your words are healing. I wish you both good luck and I hope the universe guides us well! :)
@angelaOnFiya
Жыл бұрын
I am going through self realize now!
@cassmodious3679
Жыл бұрын
The get to know youself part is really the hardest part for me, i have no idea what i want or like
@Becczor
Жыл бұрын
This hit me, this is me. However, my father who is the source dependant, did not have any abuse, but could be unpredictably angry for random things, and just take the car and leave. My codependency has been to not make him angry. I realize I have suppressed a lot of feelings and wishes during my childhood, and I question pretty much every decision I have ever made. Was it really what I wanted? Now I have transferred this codependency to my boyfriend, even though he is not the same! I make up thoughts in my head that he is going to think or react in the same way as my dad, and that makes me scared. So I compensate for that, even though it is not true. We also have other problems right now in our relationship, so I'm scared all the time that he is going to be mad and leave me. Thank you Kati for what you do, you are a safe ray of sunshine that helps a lot. ❤
@laureng4710
Жыл бұрын
I disagree with one of these things. When we're working on ourselves, we don't have to tell others that we are, and we don't have to make our emerging new selves easier for others to handle. I think that's being too much of a people pleaser to think that we absolutely MUST say this or that to someone. If we're not comfortable answering questions, we don't have to be open to that, either. We are the guardians of our life stories; we share what we're comfortable with and nothing more.
@invisiblespirit5476
Жыл бұрын
When you care about and love people, you’re clear and open with them. Suddenly changing yourself or your behavior can be seen very differently from the other side unless they know what’s going on. Plus, you’re likely to get a “Good for you! How can I support you?” type of response.
@forgesoulfire1320
11 ай бұрын
I understand some people can accept they don't have a great eye or mind for seeing unhealthy or dangerous friendships or relationships we may be in and so we do not feel safe entirely in sharing such details. Then might you say it's enough to explain we are building boundaries, and may seem a bit different in that process and ask them to be understanding with that?
@Geventure
6 ай бұрын
If you’re in a relationship and you are going to spend more time alone to relax into solitude you let them know the changes you are going to make.. that’s what she’s saying
@AfghanNomad-s4f
Ай бұрын
I am codependent to my family... I was the golden son who did everything right... gave all my paycheck to my father... every single penny. I made me feel great about myself and my father would sometimes say "you will give me all your earnings to me until I die." He would add, "if you need money for something just ask me". I was stupid enough to buy that shit happily for 4 years until I left the country. And when I got to the new country, I used to send him 1000 dollars every month for another 7 years until he passed away. My relationship with the rest of the family continued. My mother is a narcissist and has the support of all my siblings this has impacted me significantly mentally and professionally in my career. I tried to explain, no one lessons so I had to cut contact with my mother and all siblings... I am not sure if this will have any negative long term impacts on my health.
@Claiire-vn5rh
23 күн бұрын
You freed yourself and you were right. It's staying long term in abuse that causes health issues. Now you're "free" and maybe lonely but you can heal at least and meet respectful ppl 😊 Take good care of yourself
@sashanikultseva2880
Жыл бұрын
Kati, you are amazing! 💚 This video goes up the morning after me and my boyfriend had a deep conversation (I struggle with codependency as a part of my bpd) and this is exactly the support I needed! Thank you so much for what you do! You’ve made my life significantly better! P.S: one of my favorite ways to self care is cooking something really good for just myself!☺️
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
I am so glad this came at such a great time!! And I love that self care tip!! xoxo
@philcollins932
Жыл бұрын
after spending so much time watching your videos, I unfortunately have no medical insurance & you've become my hopefully temporary form of "outpatient therapy" lol!. I have realized so much about myself & people whom I've surrounded myself with. it has helped me out a lot. I've also ran out of both my anti-anxiety meds & an anti-depressant due to lack of insurance. I also suffer from PTSD. undiagnosed but once it was explained to me, made perfect sense. basically I'm a mess lol! a mess whom has 2 beautiful children under the age of 5. that's another story all by itself. basically, i'm a retired 50 year old, by no fault of my own. it's been truly hard these last couple of years & am hoping that light I do see at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming freight train. anyway, thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me try to figure myself out
@gin.k
11 ай бұрын
I'm for sure struggling with codependency after being raised by a narcissist mother. I have built a life structure of codependency even if I'm now in a relationship with a mentally healthy & stable person. I find it hard to branch out and meet new people/ make friends and achieve my goals. But I'm working on it though.
@JennyGaston
Жыл бұрын
Kati, this came right on time for me as I was exploring whether or not I was placing healthy boundaries on a friendship. Even as mental health professionals, is key for us to be mindful of these principles so that we do not become stretched too thinly.
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
Omg totally!!! I have always struggled with people pleasing, and codependency can feed off of that :/ We do need to keep an eye on our own boundaries so that we don't get burned out or overwhelmed. xoxo
@JennyGaston
Жыл бұрын
@@Katimorton thanks for your transparency.
@Cam-ik3kf
14 күн бұрын
I had no idea I was codependent. Today starts the change. Thank you for this video.
@haileykauweloa4704
Жыл бұрын
I'm from a very emotionally immature family, I've watched your video on how to heal from this but I want to get more in depth with it and I want to be able to be more open to people sooner. I just can't seem to get myself to do it. I want to scream and yell without caring what people are going to say about me but I can't bring myself to not care.
@westex13
Жыл бұрын
I believe in you, you can do it step by step.💖
@davidcassese707
Жыл бұрын
Ok. If you picture people talking s words... It shifts the person ( enmeshment) symbiosis into your attention 2 their words ... And off you being dependent your interpretation of your idea of what they think of you
@davidcassese707
Жыл бұрын
And your interest in their pictured ( cc) words outa da mout. Your anxiety on your pleasing or not pleasing dem... Your conscious on picturing their words ... And of what. You think they think of you .. go try um... See da words like one movie subtitles... But just keep tryn... Practice makes more likely
@davidcassese707
Жыл бұрын
Your awareness is on the interaction.... Not your own self consciousness..
@primetime6542
Жыл бұрын
Love watching your videos. I am in therapy classes and I’m doing the hard work on fixing myself to better my life in a positive direction for life moving forward and also trying to fix my badly broken marriage of 20 years. I find your videos helpful and look forward to the new ones every week. Thanks 🙏 ❤
@never4saken165
Жыл бұрын
Hope all is going well now that you’re in therapy. Hang in there, stay determined and communicate, communicate, communicate with your husband, I’m sure the marriage is worth fighting for
@ryana8246
Жыл бұрын
Im studying addiction counseling and love watching your videos. Very informative and interesting!
@mackenziebeasley2896
Жыл бұрын
That's so cool! Are there other videos/books you're reading while pursuing that?
@never4saken165
Жыл бұрын
I’m sure you’ll make a great therapist . Good luck with future endeavors
@rebeccaoprea9917
Жыл бұрын
We can’t get mad at people for overstepping boundaries when we didn’t put up or honor them to begin with . It all starts with us.
@estheradao
Жыл бұрын
Exactly
@creature_skin
Жыл бұрын
Honestly I am so grateful we have free healthcare in the uk, but also my nhs therapist literally just discharged me the minute I started realising how much I struggle with codependency :') I've done sooo much work on boundaries since then and it is definitely getting easier but I'm constantly floored by the amount of suffering caused to so many by the lack of mental health support access here. I can't imagine how hard it is for all the completely untreated people in the states but I hope lots of you out there are healing anyway 🥺
@loriwhite4621
Жыл бұрын
It's not free. It's paid by the working people having taxes taken out of our wages. And with the nurses striking, those taxes are going to go up.
@Mindsetolympics
Жыл бұрын
Well we do have medicaid which pays for low income people. We do have programs in place if its not affordable. Really not as bad just many people need encouraging to go to therapy and be willing to find the right fit thats where there’s many people that decide to go untreated because they dont WANT the help instead of it not being available to them.
@RyanS32
Жыл бұрын
TIL that I have all the classic signs of codependency, and I was just crying while reading it all. I've always thought of myself as a good person who wants to help others, but I never equated it with being detrimental to who I am. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, and I turn 40 this year. My fiancee uses the term on a somewhat regular basis (not in describing our relationship), but I'd never really considered what it meant until tonight. For some reason, tonight was the night I finally decided to look into it, and I was horrified to feel like, as I read the words it literally felt like my inner monologue was the song "Killing Me Softly With His Song". Thank you for this video, as now I at least have a starting point to aim for to begin repairing myself.
@RainRemnant
Жыл бұрын
Got BPD and recognize myself in this, but only ended up losing my husband this weekend. Feel I gave him my all, no more friends, needed therapy but didn't ("no baby no therapy dont share secrets, i will fix you I'm your doctor" but after 5 years still doesn't remember the word Borderline), feel so hurt by so much betrayal throughout the marriage. Was gaslit so much... so now ended up with nothing, every prevention or support video is about turning to friends or family, I have no one anymore... at 44 feel like a little child crying for her mother (lost her 3 years ago), but really lost in this world now
@d.k3.em.z.o.y.m.n.r.t.b.s.467
Жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry your going through this!!!! I’m also bpd and anxious attachment style and have struggled badly and have been getting help from therapy and reading books and can be an ear for you and send you some good books and therapists if you’d like as well as showing you some support groups you can join for free!!
@swankshire6939
Жыл бұрын
I know it's hard, I wasn't married but was with someone for many years. I also had lost all my friends but 1 that I can't turn to for much, and don't have any family to turn to. It does get better, I'm the happiest I've been in over a decade. Take this time to really figure out what actually makes you happy. I've gotten really into gardening and making bread, 2 things that I've never had any interest in but when I'm doing them I forget about everything. I'd recommend you try and find something that gives you your escape from your thoughts.
@Peawee669
Жыл бұрын
Start small. The smallest. Just write and if that’s too much in the moment just get up and walk around your house. Not because you have to but because you WANT to. Find friends online with Facebook group chats and things like that. Watch videos of different hobbies on KZitem and find something that interests you enough to try. Don’t think about the future just go day by day. Put yourself out there and you’ll find people. There’s meaning to life. Just go out and find it. Even if you don’t, everyone’s purpose is to just live life and enjoy it. Even if it’s alone. Because it really is up to YOU to make it enjoyable. I know it’s so hard to get out of this mindset that we are in. I’m going through something so similar except I don’t have a child just my one pet. It feels like my world ended and now I don’t have a purpose. I want to enjoy life and I convinced myself I couldn’t without my husband but I can and so can you. I think it just takes time. It’s only been four days for me but I’ve been to the hospital and got prescribed stuff to lower my blood pressure because I have been stressing nonstop for days.
@TheOtherSlipper
Жыл бұрын
i’ll be your friend please reach out to me
@ovoye
Жыл бұрын
My goodness this video is so timely. And it's just what I need right now. So many right things in this video.
@trinaq
Жыл бұрын
Thanks so much for this video, Kati, I try to work at establishing boundaries for myself, and not always abiding by what other people want.
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
Of course!! And yes!! Love it :)
@andhereiam
Жыл бұрын
Hi Kati, thank you so much for this video and especially for treating codependency as a human experience whereas in the past I would do research online and would feel shame for the way codependent relationships were described as "narcissistic". It is also hard to feel ok as a person when people point out my "enabling" habits. I've been working on this issue for years. Since I was 18 years old, I took myself to therapy without my family's permission and now I'm almost 29 years old and realize how the legacy of complex trauma shows up in my life through codependent relationships, enmeshment, boundary issues etc. One thing I learned from one of your videos is that friends are supposed to support each other to grow. It is often a good telltale sign that something isn't right when you try to communicate that you're working on yourself and the other person is unhappy. I've had that recently and recognized that pattern to negotiate my boundaries whenever I would get a push back or criticism so this time I stuck to my boundaries so hard and it weathered the storm and now I'm sort of on the other side of the storm with this person except she no longer is interested in a friendship. I feel discarded and broken. But at the same time believe I did my best with being compassion while at the same time setting boundaries. i believe i did the right thing and communicated in the way from my Wise Core Susan Self (I named my Wise Mind lol) but she didn't like it and was hurt. I then acknowledged that she was feeling hurt and sad and I sent compassion to her hurting inner child who feels rejected. We had a long phone call and she would rapidly shift from "hot" anger and blaming me/guilting me to sadness to saying "I hear you but why cant we compromise" to which I had replied because compromise is not something that fits being applied to boundaries. To which she argued "why do you get your needs met and i dont?" It was chaotic and intense but I remained within my window of tolerance the best i could for the duration of the phonecall and I collected data about what friendship means to her and how it is so different from my own definition and that is a big factor about why she was so disappointed in me for the changes I was making. I was proud of myself for the courage I had exercised. However after that call, I struggled to care for myself and to cope with different areas of my life and especially now that i have one less "addiction source". The call sort of ended with me telling her "it is getting late and i dont want to keep up, especially since you have covid and can probably use rest" and I sort of suggested we take it slow in a "starting over" kind of way. This was a few weeks ago. We barely spoke to each other. In fact she had expressed several times in the phonecall that if i cant let her vent to me as often as she needs, she isnt interested in really having a friendship at all and feels too hurt to even "start over" but then other times she said she would try starting over . I still ruminate on it and this is just one of my codependent relationships currently. I find it hard to heal especially when I know that even though I usually play the caretaker role that I also have several mental illness diagnosis and there are times when the other person and I switch roles and takes care of me. It makes things even more complex. It is almost like even though I'm primarily the caretaker, when I burn out, the other person temporarily becomes caretaker until I can go back to caretaking again. And this time I was aware of that potential route as well so I made sure I wasn't putting my burnout stress onto her as much as I was putting boundaries about her habits of dumping onto me. What is hard is her denial and that I apologized well and she sort of said "sorry you felt like I ignored you but I really didn't. I was just feeling very hurt" Yes you were feeling hurt but that doesn't negate the fact that you gave me silent treatment for 3 weeks and would not engage in any messages that were not related to your venting habits. I start to feel cheated and angry when I ruminate
@annawalentynkowicz1022
Жыл бұрын
Thank you Kati for the quality content, it is a wholesome addition to my therapy and meds. Mental health is crazy hard if you are dealt a bad hand (or head), it is easier with you. Codependency is a big chunk of my problems, but slowly getting to know myself better, which helps. 1,5 years of therapy have been both excruciating and wonderful, wanted to quit it a hundred times, but my current (3rd) therapist is a really lovely human being (with some relatable flaws and a thirst for understanding), to whom I already grew too attached - but it keeps me there and makes for a good discussion topic ;)
@PS-xb9hc
8 ай бұрын
I really liked the video. Codependency is hard but it is possible if we keep up the good work and consistency
@EnFyr
6 ай бұрын
Thank you! I'm going through a breakup with my ex for 15 years, who happens to be borderline. And this fits my personality to a tee. Know i now what i need to work on.
@TRENKROM
8 ай бұрын
Im definitely the "addicted" one the dynamic and its been hard, but helpful, to admit to myself. Not necessarily to just drugs (just weed), but to my hobbies and impulses in general. My boyfriend is always my best supporter but I lean on him too much and he's definitely lost himself a bit because of it. Im hoping I can start leaning on myself more and give him the space to explore his own interests and goals going forward.
@rotomwash0355
Жыл бұрын
Katie, take as much time off as you need here and there. Do whatever balancing you have to. Just keep doing what you do. You make a difference I know this feels off topic for this one subject but I've seen three "I need some time off KZitem" videos in the last year. It's ok buddy. You're allowed to be healthy and take care of yourself. Thank you Katie.
@madgepickles
3 сағат бұрын
this was super valuable and helpful for me
@skyej51
Жыл бұрын
Wow! Thank you so much! I am on my healing journey and I found this. This helped so much.
@neiljohnson9686
7 күн бұрын
So here is an interesting thought… I do feel emotionally needy at times. However, I am happiest when I am taking care of someone… When they need me, I struggle with addictive behavior… But my significant other doesn’t like when I’m needy. She is also quite independent? I’m not sure if that’s the right word but she does not like taking care of me when I am needy. I remember one time she hurt herself pretty bad, fracturing her ankle. She was crying, which is so rare for her and she asked me to hold her. My reaction was. “Awwwwww! “ I teared up as much from the fact that she was in so much pain, but also because she actually needed me… And told me… She asked me… When I feel needy and that I want to cuddle, she’s not into that at all😅 of course it doesn’t take much for me to be needy lol no broken bones… So I don’t know where that leaves me. Just thinking of the word codependent I thought it’s sort of fit because I need to be needed if that makes sense. But maybe that’s not the definition.
@NikkiBNice
Жыл бұрын
Great video. Easy to follow and hit all the points that resonate for me.
@sandrakrahn6163
Жыл бұрын
Thanks so much, I need to STOP pleasing to feel ok.
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
xoxo
@enamored1
Жыл бұрын
love this
@nicholastracy4915
Жыл бұрын
I developed this after experiencing a significant trauma (or at least traits that are toxic and very similar to this). So, am choosing to remove myself from this which Is a monumental task but doable. Appreciate your content, thank you.
@egrace3738
Жыл бұрын
I love the logical way you explain these concepts. I'd enjoy taking university courses from you.
@Lifeofficially-24
5 ай бұрын
I don't know how to explain it... But i am sad I really want someone to talk.. I feel very every anxious if i don't talk to anyone...i feel like they need to say good things to me... And after that i will feel a little to very little less anxious.. I am totally co dependant on my friends and patner.. And today my boyfriend of 9 years said me Tackle some things on your own.. I felt betrayed i dont know how to feel now. I feel sick to be overly dependent on someone to make me feel better..it hurts a lott..when people don't care..agter few days ..
@LiaaaaaaaaAAAAAHH
26 күн бұрын
Im crying my eyes out realizing just how deep in I am and so are they.. I just don’t want to loose them either. I don’t know if I have a stable enough support network to survive distancing myself.
@Nikkijay7
22 күн бұрын
I feel you so much.. Currently trying to not go back because he's a narcissist and I know i depend on him. Also I have no support either, it feels so lonely and such a big hill to climb. I don't know who I am on my own. Thinking of you
@jessbartscher1843
8 ай бұрын
I practice yoga in the morning. I am raising a toddler. Just us two. I have found when I do not commit to my morning practice I have much less patience for myself and others throughout the day. 5 to 30 minutes. Sometimes after my son wakes, which in that case I'm a downward dog jungle gym.
@daeclipse03
Жыл бұрын
Im someone who has been codependent most of my adult life and just left a narcassistic relationship 😢
@SS-in1ts
Жыл бұрын
How can we learn to feel bonded and supportive while not being codependent? I have adhd and struggle making decisions and get very enthusiastic and excited to spend time with my friends and family, and get overzealous when dating. It’s frustrating! I have a solid happy life alone, but I look forward to new adventures with others. Is that unhealthy?
@lilubirb3211
Жыл бұрын
i really appreciate all the videos you put out. thank you for all that you do!
@JoyLady-1966
6 ай бұрын
I’m starting to notice the patterns and trying new boundaries 👍🏾
@mjm5081
3 ай бұрын
Kati, thank you for sharing your wisdom, experience, and expertise! ✌❤🌎
@zzc8505
Жыл бұрын
I don't know why this channel keeps popping up in my suggestions. But this woman (Kati?) reminds me of Nicole Sullivan's character in Scrubs. There is even something in the way she speaks that reminds me of that character.
@2degucitas
Жыл бұрын
Yes. She looks like her!
@zzc8505
Жыл бұрын
@@2degucitas esp. in vids from about 6 years ago (popped up in my feed) -- with a hair style very similar to that of Nicole Sullivan in Scrubs. :)
@jacknjill3000
2 ай бұрын
Codependency is tricky for me to understand. I love being close to a partner or friends and I’ve time it down bc many I find don’t like it or understand it. So now I mostly run single and sometimes lonely, but I managed to deal. I’m certainly not a push over and thought why I choose to be single so I don’t have to compromise too much of myself.
@jacknjill3000
2 ай бұрын
I do see ppl. that are clingy with their partners and that makes feel uneasy bc to me that’s not love and someone setting themselves up for being taken for granted. I learned this from being that way when I was younger. I just had a thought, what if you and your partner are both codependent? Would that work? I also wondered about 2 ppl. that were mentally challenged and making it work and married to one another. To me that’s like double the issues, but that’s my thinking.
@hconf
Жыл бұрын
I definitely struggle with codependency, and yet the definition you gave doesn't resonate very well for me.
@mariarossi6719
9 ай бұрын
I find there are so many definitions of codependency out there that I’m still not entirely sure what it means in its most basic terms. That’s what I’d really like to know.
@kimberlytooma9145
Жыл бұрын
I take a hot bath every night and I set time aside during my sons nap time to meditate and if I fall asleep even better!
@snowps1
20 күн бұрын
I've been this way all my life. I've been codependent on my sister's family for years. When her kids aren't here playing with my kids I feel sad. I hate it. I'm desperate to find a way to stop feeling that way.
@SharonKBM
Жыл бұрын
I appreciate the fact that you said a person should let the other person know a change in the relationship is coming and to be upfront about it, no matter how hard that may be. That would have been very helpful to me, being on the receiving end of a significant change in a relationship with someone very close to me without any upfront warning or conversation. It's very hard to deal with and understand.
@guitargirl313
3 ай бұрын
I have watched some codependent/fixer/giver/rescuer videos, but it is rarely mentioned that it is not easy to be on the other end either, when you are not asking for help, or advice, and you dont want others to fix your life and they still keep crossing that boundary again and again, and when you say no, then they ignore it or there is argument, and you are being ungrateful to them, or they start crying and feel that you hate them when the only thing you said is that i dont need advice, help, service from that person.
@lori5946
21 күн бұрын
#3 Is a problem for me. I keep working on it. I definitely practice more kindness. I am in a DBT group to have more tools. #2 check the facts is so important. If I am in am emotional mind I don't make good desisions. #1 I did therapy. I did EMDR. Currently in DBT. I go to 12 step meetings and havw a co sponsor
@shinydenz2721
Жыл бұрын
I'm suffering this and I've hurt a lot of my friendships in life and im sick of it controlling me
@annawilkins8820
Жыл бұрын
Alanon should be mentioned here. Like CA, it is a program of recovery that addresses codependency.
@AdrianColley
Жыл бұрын
About 20 hours ago, I opened your "Are u ok?" book, exactly for the purpose of looking up "codependency", and within 24 hours I see this new video. What is Google telling you about what I'm reading? :)
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
hahah!! Sometimes it can feel like google is watching everything we do.. lol! xoxo
@2degucitas
Жыл бұрын
@@Katimorton Google is listening and watching. It's not paranoia, even your devices mic is used to hear keywords.
@never4saken165
Жыл бұрын
It isn’t Google, it’s artificial intelligence. I know scary huh 🤬. I always thought the same as you but recently found out it AI
@kirbster7905
3 ай бұрын
i totally agree! love this video ❤
@khairinaf.n3669
Жыл бұрын
Coincidence??? i don't think so. BUT I REALLY NEED THIS. THANKYOU KATI 💕
@Garrus0982
4 ай бұрын
Nothing worse than becoming co dependent on a narcissist. It's torture. Other people I've been co dependent on, it's manageable. Just stay way clear of narcissists, it'll ruin your life.
@IreneL
Жыл бұрын
Very informative video. Loved it! I am going more deep with this type of work. I think we need to work on ourselves first. I understood myself and others better when I learned about codependency, emotions and, boundaries on a whole new level from Andrew Kenneth Fretwell's book, Emotional Alchemy: The Love & Freedom Hidden In Painful Feelings Here is a quote that stayed with me: "Do you ever find yourself saying "yes" to things you don't really want to do, or feeling guilty about saying "no" to others? This can be a sign of an Earth imbalance within you. The Earth Phase also has a lot to do with our sense of boundaries - our ability to confidently say "no" and "yes" in a balanced way. When we can calmly decline things that don't serve us, or embrace things that do, we're embodying the qualities of a strong Earth. When boundaries are not clear it is easy to experience disappointment and manipulation." Blessings.
@shivanikapur7243
Жыл бұрын
Helpful video. Thank you 🙏🏻
@AnatoliaElle
Жыл бұрын
What if you're codependant with everyone from family, romantic relationships and also including your work environment?
@roselynewanjikuofficial5491
Жыл бұрын
The way to break that cycle is the same
@supracurious
8 ай бұрын
Really great overview, I was really really annoyed when I read codependent no more. Do you have any other great resources?
@heyhlm
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for your wonderful content. Would it be possible to do a video discussing strategies to navigate executive dysfunction, especially when it comes to cleaning? The paralysis is real 😅
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
I actually just talked about this in an upcoming AKA.. someone was struggling with their symptoms of ADHD and PTSD. I will look into it more for sure!! xoxo
@larag1764
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for another great video. I always learn something from your videos 💙💚💛🧡❤
@officialkhelae7684
Жыл бұрын
I need help with this but it’s really hard…
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
It is really hard.. and it can be like we are trying to break an old pattern. I hope some of the tips I offered are helpful. xoxo
@TRYtoHELPyou
Жыл бұрын
Tks for being awesome!
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for the kind words.
@chaseh.9422
Жыл бұрын
Hey Kati! I have a friend that has OSDD. We are becoming more romantic and looking towards a relationship, and this is all new to me! If you’re looking for video ideas, I’d love to learn more about it so I can be as supportive as possible! ❤️✨
@Fred-ff6bv
Жыл бұрын
i think i’m codependent with myself.
@humblejoy3564
Жыл бұрын
be careful about calling everything an addiction, too. sometimes a bad habit needs change and it's not parallel to a heroine addiction where they literally could die without it.
@jasonjones4036
7 ай бұрын
Ppl don't die without heroin
@Katusa22k
11 ай бұрын
It's a great video. Thank you for it :)
@donflo3
Жыл бұрын
Discovered your videos this month, very helpful. Can you make a video w an actual psychologist about what the first visit is like?
@slottime7521
Жыл бұрын
I need help, my friend had many , many sings of mental illness he had over 15 panic attacks in a whole year , mood swings , sleeping problems and extreme worry about even the slightest things , its clear he needs psychological help but he is very young only 14 years old and if he asked his parents for theraphy , but they would just ask why and he doesnt know what to respond i want to help him and many other of his friends want to help him even tho we are just online friends , can anyone tell me what i should do with this situation what do i do for him to get proffesional help which i know he needs , what do i do?
@allysiren
Жыл бұрын
wow ok... i need to do these things.
@geena-g-777
5 ай бұрын
This was brilliant
@paganmom2022
9 ай бұрын
This is how my mom has always been with partners, and I have had to be her caretaker while they treat her badly
@Jagcycle
Жыл бұрын
The good old oxygen analogy; Put your mask on first, then you can help others. Much love!💙
@rosangelaalbuquerque6889
Жыл бұрын
What is the best therapy approach to treat codependency ?
@aavyakeanekavtaarravidhapa3779
Жыл бұрын
Informative ❤
@jonathangale9476
Жыл бұрын
How do you step away? Can you give examples? Thankyou. I just discovered that im hugely codependent
@Bill_Cipher1995
2 ай бұрын
As the guy you all seem to think is the bad guy, I don't need you to save me. I don't want to change. It's as simple as that. *You* came on to *me.* I clearly told you I am not romantically interested in you, but it goes deeper than that. She must be addicted to the pain of being let down, failing to care for someone--who knows. I just wish you could see that I would be much happier if you had your own life and goals. I don't like to see you suffering, and I clearly stated that I wanted a roommate who is "somewhere between a business partner and a friend... or maybe an amicable acquaintance." I think *I'm* the victim here, because I am fine with how I am. I have my own goals and aspirations, but I'm so emotionally drained from walking on eggshells that I can't move forward with my career, and it's p***ing me off royally. *Leave your brutally honest criticisms and advice in the replies please.*
@pandorasmagicbox
3 ай бұрын
I always took on the role of caregiver. My parents needed me and now I'm in a relationship where I put my partner's needs before mine. I'm not happy. I ask for very little but I still don't get It. Yet, I can't leave him. We broke up once and It was really hard. A year later, I feel like breaking up but I can't. I need help and I feel lonely. I wish I could find a more balanced relationship, I really do. This can't be It.
@kamerong-k7e
Ай бұрын
First time commenting on KZitem. So anyways story time. I’m 19 yrs old living with my parents and I have no financial independence, no job and no drivers license. I feel like I can’t show my feelings around my parents and on top of that I’m really am trying my best to take care of my grandmother. I am in college but it feels like I’m trapped mentally. The only thing I know how to do is pretty much is clean. I was never taught how to cook or do other basic(like doing my hair) things or learn about getting a job, an apartment etc. I really want to get back to getting both physically and mentally well again as well as going back to martial arts as well as hanging out with my friends. Is this a sign of codependency from my parents or is this life? If this is codependency, what should I do to gain independence and not remain feeling like I am living in a box?
@minhtu5059
Жыл бұрын
I've been thinking a lot of how to raise a child. I didn't have a peaceful childhood which leads to many dramas in my life, so I just wonder if I have a child and I take care of him/her well, both physically and mentally, within limits, would they have a better life? Would they have a lot less drama, less toxic/narcissistic/self-centered people entering their life? I doubt it because how they could avoid/not meet these types of people throughout their life and they would end up somehow like me. This is part of the reasons I don't want to create any humans
@Bill_Cipher1995
2 ай бұрын
On the other side of the equation, how do I get a codependent person to change and stop copying me and disrupting my professional progress?
@jezahlie
Жыл бұрын
I've had no idea where or who to ask, how to search on Google, etc... and of course I think of Kati. Maybe someone in the comments would know. I'm curious if there is a term for someone who would rather do something they know you don't like and apologize for it afterwards rather than just not do the thing you don't like? They'd rather eat your food and apologize for it afterwards because then they get the food, they'd rather buy something expensive without asking and apologize for it afterwards because then they get the thing they wanted... they're not worried about someone getting upset with them and would rather apologize if it means they get what they want. I'm just trying to learn effective ways to work with this feeling but I don't even know where to begin. Thank you in advance, if someone knows how to point me in the right direction. 💕
@a.h.4837
Жыл бұрын
Passive aggressive, maybe? Egocentric, narcissistic, or manipulative? Emotionally immature? Maybe those terms could help you research
@raywood8187
Жыл бұрын
I maybe off in left field somewhere but it's something that occurred to me - sometimes I feel codependent with myself, if that's possible. One part of me just trying to placate the other part of me that wants to be reckless with mental health and that just wants to stay the same because change is too hard! Even though that could mean sacrificing a better life by giving in to that temptation. I'm not sure how to set borders that I can commit to keeping, when all I have is myself to make sure they're kept, and I'm not the most disciplined of persons.
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
Hey Ray :) What this sounds like is a need for internal boundaries (meaning boundaries with yourself) we have these and can struggle with them. It can feel like an internal battle of the selves.. but if we truly make a promise to ourselves (to take care of our mental health for example) then the boundary is us working to keep that up. Does that make sense??? xoxo
@raywood8187
Жыл бұрын
@@Katimorton Thank you Kati, it does make sense. And I do try to hold to taking care of myself but depression is the enemy I have battled for so long and it doesn't respect boundaries. But no one ever said it would be easy.
@jennifervan75
Жыл бұрын
Is codependency with your younger brother because you both grew up in an abusive household, a thing?
@Katimorton
Жыл бұрын
Codependency can exist in any type of relationship in life.
@dreworatory1927
Жыл бұрын
Yup
@amayahk7
Жыл бұрын
Are u able to do therapy sessions on zoom ? I’m trying to find a therapists I can’t find any in my area or for my trauma .
@misslinda772
11 ай бұрын
I go to activities that are for both men and women. (Not just being around women.)
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