"The version of yourself that you are within the relationship that you're afraid of committing to" That's it!!
@aron4408
Жыл бұрын
I think my biggest fear is losing my moments of alone time that I absolutely need. Pure, unguilted, leave me alone, ALONE TIME. I need to be clear about this boundary I think, but I feel like it's not an acceptable one :/ Saying that, I'm actually fairly confident my new partner would actually accept it and has said she would.
@trudojo
Жыл бұрын
I stopped consuming this kind of content a while ago because I felt like I was circling the drain and growing more resentful. It felt like getting preached at and a religion forming more than anything, and I knew the tenants. You have a unique way of encouraging the viewer to make the connections themselves while you educate them thoroughly about concepts. It's brilliant.
@minahlee6381
3 ай бұрын
Right! Same here!!
@Brinaweenahwoo
Жыл бұрын
Heidi, you truly have a gift and a talent for explaining complex attachment ideas to the masses in a way that is easily digestible, supportive, direct, entertaining, and inspiring. There are thousands of people in the world who feel like you "get" them on a level that no other human does. Thank you immensely for what you do. You are making the world a better place by helping so many of us heal. ❤😊
@kalilaa.4062
Жыл бұрын
You are like the bigger sister I never had but desperately needed.
@antoniaabraham1346
4 күн бұрын
This perspective explains a lot tbh. It shines a light on what I refer to as the fear of commitment. It is the fear of being the parent, the fear of showing up as someone who is vulnerable forever
@dariennechouinard8369
Жыл бұрын
Dayuuuummm... what an interesting perspective on fear of commitment! Epiphany. I have shamed myself for feeling like a failure in my last serious relationship, for not responding perfectly to my partner when he was super vulnerable. I would push him away, disassociate/not be present, act coldly, etc. in response to feeling uncomfortable with being put in a parent role.
@spianny
Жыл бұрын
This is something I’ve been trying to figure out about myself for the last months. Why do I feel disgust again at someone I’m dating when logically I know they’re beautiful and intelligent and caring. I felt soo bad about that disgust. I realised I was pretending to be someone at times that I am not. I realised my reaction to blame the other is wrong and there must be something I’m doing that is causing this. This video helped me to see what it is exactly. Thanks soo much for this amazing content!! Life saver 😊❤️
@craigdobson8282
11 ай бұрын
For real
@felixtownn
Жыл бұрын
I swear Heidi each of your recent videos are SO helpful for me! "How to stop being needy" and now "how to stop fearing commitment". All the problems I've faced. You're an angel in my life rn. "A healthy relationship is when two individual take care of their own needs and meet the needs of the other person which they have explicitly agreed upon" ❤
@prashanthireddy2333
9 ай бұрын
Yes a true Angel heidi ❤
@leyawh
10 ай бұрын
HOLY SMOKES HEIDI!!! Watching this video with the idea of showing this to my avoidant partner is you guessed it - GIVING ME SKY ROCKETING ANXIETY!!! Talk about my fear of abandonment coming straight up to the surface fearing he'll leave me once he realizes (if he realizes that is) that I'm NOT someone he actually wants to commit to LOL. Using humor to get me through this scariness, but I know this video is something that will ultimately encourage him to show up more as his authentic self, which is something under all my anxiety that I wish for him out of pure genuine love at the end of the day... Thank you for this slap in the face!
@canvea
Жыл бұрын
This explained my fear of commitment so so so well. I recently left my loving partner of 10 years because he proposed. I'm not sure if it was the right decision, but I'm 100% sure that I did not show up as my authentic self in the relationship, and it makes so much sense to me that this would be the source of the fear! He has taken on the role as a parent and I the childlike victim, not a very nice foundation for an adult relationship. I really struggle getting out of the dynamic. There is SO much to unpack here and work on.
@chibilume
Жыл бұрын
it sounds like it'd be helpful to look into the Karpman drama triangle. I was in a similar dynamic as well.
@m2pozad
Жыл бұрын
Jeeze Priebe, I can't believe you put this high caliber material out here for free. The 'disgust response', I forgot all about having that as a kid. Yeah, major commitment issues! Will checkout, 'Radical Honesty'.
@MissyB11968
Жыл бұрын
This video was truly life changing for me! I have been learning about my avoidant attachment for awhile now and even though it has been so enlightening (& finally given me some hope) there were pieces that I was missing but just didn’t connect for me. The way you explain the self-abandoning and the (ICK, Deactivate, Shame, Retreat, Remask & Reengage) cycle just hit every nerve I have about this. I literally took 8 pages of notes and am going to create at least 2 Worksheets (so far) for myself to help with building my discernment, not to mention ask myself all of the questions you proposed. I’ve only listened to this ONE video of yours and am blown away by how much deeper my introspection has gotten (or at least begun to). I have a renewed sense of hope. Thank you for your thorough, detailed and very succinct way of explaining this! ❤❤❤❤
@neant2046
Жыл бұрын
The best indicator of just how spot on this video is - is that my brain was constantly trying to zone out the whole way through it: - C'm on, brain, we need to learn to process our emotions the right way! - No-no-no-no-no, no, no way, nope. We're going to go make some tea and ignore this nasty feeling of the absolute relevance of this video to our predominant emotional responses. I have spoken, and now I take my leave! Had to pause and re-watch, heh... )
@sebastianosuch273
Жыл бұрын
I found you a week ago and listened to most of the videos I was interested in and literally today I realised that the fear of commitment (which I sometimes in my mind turn into pride of independence) is my problem and I was thinking if you will make a video about it. And here you are :) I don’t know if you read the comments on the older videos so I’ll say it again: you’re doing much better job at explaining the complexity of the subject than many certified therapists on KZitem. It is clear that you understand the subject and you can explain really clearly. Thank you.
@naveena4879
Ай бұрын
wow I'm blown by what you said about disgust - i don't feel this in my romantic partnership but with my parental relationship and it explains a lot, thank you!
@inathi1329
Жыл бұрын
This was so good. For a long time all I heard about avoidant attachment was a third-person narrative about what was going on in the mind of an avoidant, which made it difficult for me to understand what was going on with avoidant people. But listening to your perspective as someone coming out of avoidant attachment, so many lightbulbs are going off for me. Thank you for this beautiful piece of much needed work❤
@MichaelDodson3210
10 ай бұрын
Excellent approach, Heidi! The smoothie analogy with a yucky ingredient was a good one. It is great that rather than demonizing folks on the avoidant spectrum, you help them to be introspective and to do the work to improve their lives and their relationships. You also make excellent points about being assertive rather than sucking it up, and having resentment! Life is short, and it's important that we take the time to study ourselves, and our relationships, and to do what is best, based on what we've learned.
@SS-in1ts
Жыл бұрын
Your videos are getting deeper and deeper and helping me heal. Thank you!❤
@daydreamer7586
Жыл бұрын
This video has blown my mind!!! I'm dismissive avoidant. I can't seem to go past the third date without ending things abruptly because I feel trapped at the idea of a relationship. Based on these points, should I work on moving towards a secure attachment through therapy etc before I look at dating again? Also I don't like the idea of having kids either because I assume I will have to give up my whole life for them and I wouldn't feel free!
@Peruvian_Sky
Жыл бұрын
Wow! Things are clicking! I find myself very anxious in some relationships, avoidant in others, and both in select relationships. I didn't understand the dusgust I had for a partner I've never lived more than anyone but it makes sense now that it was because he was showing childishness and I was resentful for often having to take care of him
@Dd94949
Жыл бұрын
Heidi is back with a vengeance
@LauraHernandezUCL
Жыл бұрын
And we're here for it
@Brinaweenahwoo
Жыл бұрын
Yes we are! ❤
@talvez6845
Жыл бұрын
Wooohooooo🎉❤
@Mindsetolympics
Жыл бұрын
Ikr
@laurenparnell2483
Жыл бұрын
I’m so glad she’s back!!!
@kathychrzaszcz2352
11 ай бұрын
I have never had so many truth bombs and aha moment a in such a short amount of time. THANK YOU!!!! Subscribed 🧡🧡
@notanhle
Жыл бұрын
This is the best insight into the mind of someone with an avoidant attachment!
@jamesmackey1238
Жыл бұрын
Ugh. Just found your videos and they are helping me realize (as a pretty severe avoidant) how so many things trigger me. Next small task…trying to figure out how I’ve spent an entire life lying to myself and playing a role for others….
@tessallations378
Жыл бұрын
hi heidi! ❤ thank you for this one, it’s like you are speaking for all my parts that are gasping for breath. i feel fear but also i realize it’s the only way forward, which is to be authentic.
@R0CK0Nbaby
Жыл бұрын
Hi Heidi, you are the greatest gift I have ever come across. The amount of Aha moments and answers I received watching this video to help me out of staying stuck in my ways has been immense. You are literally changing so many lives and helping humanity heal and evolve. Thank you so so so much, all my love and gratitude to you! May you always be safe and succeed in every way possible!
@joannamilano3542
Жыл бұрын
I feel the same as you: @ROCKONbaby ; SO Very Very Helpful , every video For every relationship
@omegaaddict4106
5 ай бұрын
She always offers sooooo much more than the title implies! I love you Heidi! So grateful.🤩
@amalmohamednoor7261
8 ай бұрын
Wow this is so impressive to know these different responses that one can have as an avoidant person. I really appreciate your work
@DoubleDragonTarot
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for providing so much content on attachment styles. I feel like everyone should be watching these videos, regardless of their relationship status… I’ve watched a lot of your videos and have had so many lightbulb moments… you’ve described things I’ve experienced and kind of already knew but couldn’t articulate or understand at the time. Thanks again!
@sillygirl1139
Жыл бұрын
I need to watch more of your videos Heidi. Thank you for creating them for us!!
@claragamiz5176
Жыл бұрын
this video was so so so damn amazing! Now I just need to find out how to deal with that massive fear of rejection that stops me from choosing the people I could actually feel alligned with to have a healthy relationship...
@AmberExista
9 ай бұрын
You're amazing! It's hard to find on youtube someone so articulate, helpful, and conveying so much information in such a small space as you. I wish I had a friend like you :3
@MyEyesOnly-cd5tf
2 ай бұрын
How did I get so lucky to find your channel! Thank you for everything you do!
@porteauloin
Ай бұрын
Thank you so much. I was beating myself up for disliking nice things my partner was doing. I felt so shameful and keep trying to push back that feeling very hard. But your analyse really help me rethinking it. I will work on it
@larrychoiceman
Жыл бұрын
Another absolute BANGER of a video, seriously.
@rdbjohnsonvtboyden9570
Жыл бұрын
I stumbled upon your channel a couple hrs ago and there seems to be endless interesting topics that u explain with such a clear, concise train of thought that i never dare to expect. Every word contributes to understanding and i can now define myself as a 10/10 on the avoidant attachment spectrum. All 10 criteria resonated like a ten mile high bell struck with a sledge hammer but i was really in search of logical reasons why I should feel like its a problem to be this way. I will let all the info simmer for awhile. Thank u for your refreshing style of explanation! This is only my second comment ever on any platform come to think of it. This is the highest appreciation I'm capable of. Ha ha
@peterwilliams6361
Жыл бұрын
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
@peterwilliams6361
Жыл бұрын
@Dailami Puang Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
@peterwilliams6361
Жыл бұрын
@Dailami Puang Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@itsLoomi_
11 ай бұрын
Look up ‘limerence’
@supermamacita3
Жыл бұрын
My God! This is the realest video I have ever seen. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Heidi!!!! I don't have the words to express how all of these truths just resonated with me. Thank you for giving me hope and resources to work on my avoidant attachment issues and for validating and explaining these nauseating emotions. Thank you!!!
@mariselareyes6393
5 ай бұрын
Heidi you are amazing! You have no idea how much you’ve helped me heal ❤
@heatherwhited3152
Жыл бұрын
excellent education !! i connected deeply to the aspects of a secure relationship: have to decide to be there & have to decide you are willing to do 100% of the hard work it's going to take to maintain a secure dynamic. I feel that is what is lacking today. People don't want to do that - they want to walk away whenever they want - whenever it gets hard. They don't want to do the work. They don't want to be more vulnerable and take other people's needs and wants seriously or have the meaningful compromises like you said. That is what i'm seeing - when i realize that they are a wonderful person - but it isn't wise to be in a long term relationship with them. Excellent quote - "fear gives you good information." So i will keep on working on my authentic self expression. It may be too much for some ..... but it will be just right for the one that wants to work on this together :) Thank you Heidi !!
@Mrpancake-lol124
Жыл бұрын
This was so helpful. Could you make this type of video but for a single person? 🙏
@learnchemistry4203
9 ай бұрын
You don't know, how much you have helped me.
@oliverrojas3185
Жыл бұрын
There's a lot usable information to extract from the presentation of ideas and concepts in this video. Appreciate the enlighing explanation of how to acknowledge the real time contrast between the inner state and outer state being projected to a partner and how it may differ from the state of contrast between the inner state of the mind and body. Thanks
@colorfullyme
Ай бұрын
I have not watched the video, but a major pet peeve of mine is when people say that someone who refuses to commit has "commitment issues". I often see the pattern of women saying it to men, but of course anyone can be in any role. Basically, I am bothered by the idea that those who avoid commitment are the only ones who have issues with it. The title for the video of the flipside would be "Anxious Attachment: How To Work With The ‘Compulsive Need For Commitment’". I think that could be interesting! A kind of overeagerness or urgency to commit is very much also a "commitment issue". Commitment is a big deal. Avoidant people know this and do not want to commit if they may go back on it. This is actually a healthy approach compared to committing without properly vetting a person. Of course many people have a pervasive difficulty committing to anyone, but maybe they just have not met the right person yet and so not committing is reasonable and healthy. For info I am an anxious leaning fearful avoidant. I do struggle with commitment, and it was helpful for me to stop pathologizing myself. I am looking forward to the video :)
@janep1347
2 ай бұрын
A big part of this fear for me is the fear of loosing my independence. Us avoidants a tend to attract axious people or trigger anxious behaviors in others because of our detatchment. Because we take time to open up, these folks take this as a hint to pursue us harder, and as a result, trigger this fear of loosing independence even more, even thought we may have liked the person. Sometimes all we need is some time to breathe and sit with out thoughts to process what we feel and then proceeed. And we don’t get that chance offten. Both parties end up hurt and disapointed.
@Xhayl
11 ай бұрын
I do not want to fully commit to my husband and a theory I had was that a part of myself may not be happy / communicating / being my authentic self. I really appreciate this video. I will follow your guidance. Thank you
@DashanotSasha
7 ай бұрын
Wow I just started watching the video and my mind is already blown by your smoothie analogy 🤯 It hit soooo close to home I LOVE your videos ❤
@User-uw7uw
Жыл бұрын
Heidi your ideas are so unique and on point! We have the same personality type and i have never thought of it in this way before. I definitely struggle to show up for myself consistently and always feel like i must take care of everyone.
@jessicamorales2555
5 ай бұрын
awesome video, clear and straight to the point.❤
@triciastaste_test5500
10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much! I finally understand what was going through my brain all those months. I hope I can use this information as a teenager to heal my attachment style before I become an adult.
@FuturesMogul
8 ай бұрын
This was so helpful thank you! I realized so much about myself and how I've been thinking in my relationships and why I keep choosing the same type of partners. Look forward to watching more of your videos!
@terriwhalen3618
Жыл бұрын
Wow! This is so good! I have found myself not liking commitment period! Not do much in a long term relationship. Mine got worse when I experienced long haul covid-19 and never knew if I could go through with plans due to my illness. Is this similar? However, you have a point about looking within to see what roles we have been playing. I never thought of this insight. I have always bern hard to pin down. A lot of people have gotten angry or hurt and I never meant for that to happen. I never understood this about myself because I like being a woman of my words and other people to be same. Thank you!
@annan4866
Жыл бұрын
As usual 🤯 I really appreciate the perspective you bring- thank you for sharing ❤️
@givelove6400
3 ай бұрын
I took so many notes. Thank youuuuu I appreciate it greatly.
@VersatileKing13
Жыл бұрын
I’m new to this channel but it’s already clear to me that most, if not all the info you provide is accurate and useful. However, given the quantity of content you and others produce and the complexity and difficulty of forming and maintaining successful relationships, a question comes to mind: is a relationship truly worth the hassle? Even when considering an ideal scenario, I can’t escape the feeling that it’s just too much damn work relative to what I stand to gain.
@jass151080
11 ай бұрын
absolutely, if you wish to explore the more fulfilling side of things with another person, other than yourself.. There's lots of work, but at the same time, promoting self-growth, and learning how to recognize patterns and sequencing, i'd see more pros than cons :) good luck!
@SeelenTaucher
Жыл бұрын
🌟My system still says: I feel drained by Most peoples Behaviors, thats why I enjoy my own company, Solitude. IT feels way more energetic, Bit If I was with people, Most of time felt drained. Empaths might understand. So since my sensitivity for Energies rised, I felt more drained or angry, If I met shallow Places, surfaced people. Any infj, infp, Enfj, enfp, Feelers Out there Feeling the Same way? Deep Talks are so energetic and Soul serving, while shallow smalltalks drains my system.🌎💚
@milenasworld
Жыл бұрын
Amazing work on self and perfect description ...much Love
@michellethompson5545
5 ай бұрын
Secure attachment people don’t have shame. They fit in to society with their lifestyle and careers.
@TylerScheff
Жыл бұрын
Heidi, there's got to be a way that I can say "thank you" for these videos. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection of my life and past relationships, and you've given me a lot to think about. Do you have a Patreon or some sort of way I can give a "thank you" to you? Amazon wish list? lol
@ieatpaintchips72
Жыл бұрын
Thx. Super interesting video.
@kristallyzation
26 күн бұрын
Of course this video came up the day my relationship ended
@kathwalters90DayBook
8 ай бұрын
Brilliant. So fascinating
@jonber9411
Жыл бұрын
You spoke somewhere of bad thoughts being a sign that some boundary of yours have been crossed. This was very helpful to me, as it also helped me identify my hypersensitive and faulty boundaries with strangers, where i claimed right to public space and then my mind attacked them, for being intrusive on my claim (lol). Never really put those two together. Very cool. What would you have to say about judgmental, and aggressive self talk, self criticism. I would say i gravitate towards fearful avoidant, and have had, and sometimes still have, very harsh rational thoughts of my self and others. Is this involuntary and intrusive self talk, in anyways a part of guarding and regulating your distorted self worth, like being harsh on yourself for not doing enough chores, exercising or other ? I suspect people that have lived with a very bad view of themselves for most of their life tie their self worth to deeds and rational evaluation of acts and behaviours, instead of just being. Is this attachment theory related? Also when i have quarrels i can relive the argument in my mind involuntary, like six thousand times. It's like a dream, where i correct the situation or live out acts that i wished i had made, or things i wish i said. It's a self talk as well, and not very pleasant one. Thank you!
@freedomtownn
4 ай бұрын
Incredible video! ❤
@trishawallingsford4146
Жыл бұрын
This is amazing thanks
@RomanticSlob36
Жыл бұрын
"...start developing the skills you would need to be in a relationship with the type of person you would actually like to be with." - Me to me, about to delete Hinge
@Chaxbs
Жыл бұрын
Heidi, could you please release an overview and source video on what tools you have used to become more secure? PLEASE. Thank you so much!
@heidipriebe1
Жыл бұрын
Yes actually, I have this in the works :)
@cristinalupu-music
Жыл бұрын
@@heidipriebe1 😬 yey.
@Chaxbs
Жыл бұрын
@@heidipriebe1 THANK YOUUU... this is incredible. Makes me so happy and hopeful!
@montserratcastro7438
3 ай бұрын
You just unblocked my brain
@linettechu1106
Жыл бұрын
Golden content!
@DavidVladu-j1x
Жыл бұрын
I've been watching your videos, thank you for posting these. They are wonderful. I am a DA and just got out of a long term relationship. We fell into that anxious avoidant trap and didn't recover. My question is I feel like I've learned skills to communicate effectively now, but not being in a relationship I don't know if what I've learned will translate in a new relationship. I worry I have this in theory. Can you actually say I'm better now if you haven't put it in practice?
@aurinkobay7118
Жыл бұрын
Interesting! It makes sense. I am the extreme version of avoidant. I am fed up wearing pants in a relationship (the rescuer) "Hey help me with this and that..." WHEN I need something the other is not there. Recently same shit happened, literally 2 days ago. I am over it, and I am not even in a relaitonship (this is just a friend). 2 weeks ago I ghosted put the end to 5 year relationship same shit (I asked for an advice, it took that person 2 weeks to get back to me when I already had the answer. I should mention there is something specific that drives me nuts I have said it it pisses me off when people do that, he acknowledged it yet did it. it is a minor thing but its a big deal to me. So I just blocked and ghosted him. uhgh
@CrowMagnum
9 ай бұрын
I fear the reaction to my honesty and boundary setting, but do it anyway because it is perfectly reasonable. Sadly, I often then feel I must explain why it is reasonable.
@tortiedove
Жыл бұрын
This was what I needed to hear... But now I'm terrified about what it means for the relationship I'm in... 😭
@mia-minx
4 ай бұрын
are you still together
@tobiaswolf6630
Ай бұрын
What if I don´t have any kind of problem with my partner but I don´t want to give up things outside the relationship for my partner?
@kadirramazn
Жыл бұрын
1:40 that is exatcly my problem even before any relationship but just a maybe simple small talk. I feel aversion right before i engage a talk with someone that i like and i decide not to go for that talk...
@jimmysroom5132
8 ай бұрын
Masterful
@musiletta1998
6 ай бұрын
I still don't know exactly what it is😢
@deborah1295
Жыл бұрын
Gosh this is a good video
@SS-in1ts
Жыл бұрын
I feel disgust a few months in to my relationships but I know that it’s a me problem so I fake it until I make it. It lasts about a month. If someone isn’t a good fit then I leave the relationship. Im generally secure and then depending on my partner I am the opposite.
@AlessiaGrajales
9 ай бұрын
My bf had lots of bad experiences in relationship and has been neglected from the family ...he is so scared about commitment especially after his 1 marriage because he was in love with the woman he marry and he suffered a lot when she leaved him...he loves me now and i have not dought but after our engagment he did like crazy " i m scared i m scared" and than for days he runs away but than he comes back ...When i get pregnant of him he has been happy in the beginning" I love u to carry my child " but than disappeared for one month and than come back...( unfortunately the pregnancy ended :(... I really love him what i have to do to stop this fear he has?
@lonelyflower7360
Жыл бұрын
What if I feel hurt when my partner doesn't try to look good when he sees me? He dresses ugly.😢Did I choose the wrong partner?
@pragmaticpoet
Жыл бұрын
👏👏👏👏👏
@kirstinstrand6292
Жыл бұрын
Fear of committing to me comes from the fact that my entire parental family (including myself as a child) was murdered (in a dream). I knew instantly the meaning of the symbolism. Please tell me what type of attachment Disorder I have.
@kirstinstrand6292
Жыл бұрын
My parental family consisted of two parents, two sisters, my brother, and myself, who were the second family of older parents. Sadly, I consider the lives of three nephews and one niece to be following the fate of their parents. Only one nephew will be excluded from the family curse. Relationships only thrive with open and honest communication. I have yet been unable to meet anyone capable of such extreme dialogue. Until I do, my life is on hold.
@NFTeve
Жыл бұрын
OMgosh, I wish I learrned this in the first grade!!!!!!! Everyone should learn this information. Both of the words Relationship & Commitement are so triggering. I am happy I watched it. I didnt want to! xoxox Actually, I clicked so I could unsubscibe to a channel talking about something irrelevent. 😜😂 I cant say no, except in a bitchy dismissive way, without a ton of stress. I never thought about it until now
@stevensawyer5924
Жыл бұрын
Fearful-anxious attachment here. Dealing with c-ptsd, bpd. Just found you. Have been bing watching all your videos. Infinite Love and Gratitude. 🙏✌️❤️🌞🐶 PS, whats your view on dr. Bessel van der Kolk, if any?
@HannahFitts
8 ай бұрын
How have I gone to anxious to avoidant attachment
@kristinernstsen7841
8 ай бұрын
yes!
@vanessaceruti_oficial
Жыл бұрын
♥️🙏✨
@catalystcomet
Жыл бұрын
Well fuck.
@brianhut71
Жыл бұрын
The entire premise of this theory is that feelings from a dysfunctional attachment style aren’t themselves irrational. It ends up being just self justification. Anyone healthy or secure enough is going to just leave the situation in due time as the ridiculously immature feelings keep causing chaos and detachment. If your systemic responses are anxiety ridden and avoidant due to trauma then the downstream ‘feelings’ are going to be destructive and dysfunctional as well.
@dvpress4854
Жыл бұрын
@brianhut71 I would call it self-understanding, not self-justification. One of the pitfalls of insecure attachment is that you aren't conscious of the dysfunctional ways you behave (because the behavior was imprinted subconsciously as a child, when it was necessary and served as a survival mechanism). No one with insecure attachment style wants to be that way or purposely inflicts their behavior on others. But that behavior needs to be seen and understood by your own conscious mind before you can do anything about it. That's what Heidi's attachment videos are about and, frankly, she nails it. She's helping a lot of people here.
@DogOneIsOpen
Жыл бұрын
Videos like this are an essential part of ending the gender wars.
@rey8102
Ай бұрын
Act your age❤ not you shoe size😅.
@MJRF646
Жыл бұрын
Just an opinion but I think that the amount of adds is excessive.
@derghiarrinde
Жыл бұрын
You're doing a "creaky voice" at the end of each sentence. As a presenter and a psychologist you should not do this, it's very noticeable. Please look into the problem. I am sorry, I cannot watch your channel.
@NFTeve
Жыл бұрын
I tweeted this video! I only tweet about art and crypto (2 things you can do alone ! )beacause its so great from @nftladyeve
@EsseQuamVideriSe7en
Жыл бұрын
If I hadn't been introduced to Attachment Theory a few months ago, and watched about 50 of your videos, my head would have literally exploded watching this video. My not knowing why I love my wife so strongly yet finding myself doing things to pull away from her was so confusing and I definitely felt the shame you describe in this video. Carl Jung says "Until you bring the unconscious into the conscious, it will rule your life, and you will call it fate." is so true. You do a great job helping me learn about myself in a very helpful way!
@seymur7422
Жыл бұрын
Same here its super helpful, even if it's confusing lol
@coachmr.ice717
Жыл бұрын
FACTS
@leinad1618
9 ай бұрын
what ? i hear this first time. you avoidants are able to love someone ? i am anxious and i love avoidant girl wich is constantly pushing me away... so she likes me ? or even love ?
@EsseQuamVideriSe7en
9 ай бұрын
@@leinad1618 Very likely. She just doesn't know how to show it in a way that you can decipher. She puts herself and her needs first because she believes she has to look after her needs first or no one else will.
@leinad1618
9 ай бұрын
@@EsseQuamVideriSe7en hmm very interesting, it makes sense. but can i show her affection ? that will make her push me away no ? i really love her like no other but i dont know if i can be open and straight in our conversations to her because she is so confusing, dont talk much and those mixed signals are killing me. i am litteraly broken heart every other day.
@jonber9411
Жыл бұрын
Your description of the doughy eyes partner made me make a face of disgust, before you finished the description. But honestly that is a great insight, that it might not be the fear of commitment to the partner, but it might also be a true hint of a person that is craving to be nurtured like a small and helpless child, in a way that you are not comfortable with on all occasions. And on the subject of how we internalizse our view of certain relations. I just recently realized, that the way i think about relations is: Do i need one or can i manage without? Disregarding or minimizing the fact that i actually always long for relationships, whether i feel unassailable and independent or have an episode of confusion about me being around others. But the longing is not to have a relationship in itself, the longing is to explore the uniqueness of another character that is my equal, and to challenge the fears that may arise. Also there is a longing to express the person one has become, an finally see it being received as authentic, and not an worn mask. And i knew this, but still my internalized view was dominant, and there it was reduced to 'management'. A convenience. A friend surprised me once by stating that if it was allowed he would visit gladiatorial games, and see people slaughter each other for amusement. We had a life long relationship. When i said that that was horrible and deeply unethical, he said, 'your always the prude one'. With rolling eyes. Imagine being around someone since childhood and have the insight, that he views you as prudent, for not lusting for strangers blood. Sometimes the separation of our relationships, when we speak up, is long overdue.
@sebastianosuch273
Жыл бұрын
As an avoidant, I deeply believe that in order to get into a relationship I need to hold my emotions - because how would I be accepted and loved being angry at times or having boundaries? That’s why I’m single for the last two years and working on my self because I don’t want to neglect me fears. My latest success is not getting into a relationship with a new met woman even though she’s seems okay and she wanted that. We stayed friends and I am so happy with that.
@mequable
Жыл бұрын
Can you please expand someday on ego defenses, and generally the concepts around ego? You have the gift of explaining these complex concepts in a really easy to understand manner. As a side note - the part about fear of commitment being actually fear of what you become when you are with another person really hit home for me. I have noticed for a while that I sort of change personalities when I'm in an intimate situation. However, as a fearful-avoidant, I don't become the parent-like figure, but my anxious, child-like self. So much so, that in the past I would regress into demanding attention and certain behavior. My thinking changes along with my overall perspective of life. I don't know if I'm imagining this, but I can somewhat look at myself from another angle and notice being a slightly different personality. I have also caught myself listening to older music from my teen/adolescent years, which I normally won't do and I have noticed in the past as a sign of something going weird in my brain. Overall all this I think is related to these ego states that I don't understand at all, also because I lack the education about it.
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