Hi Guys!
Thank you for watching. Can you relate to this? I feel like I am living in constant fear of another episode and I don't take good enough care of myself so then I feel guilty. I shouldn't drink so much coffee, I should exercise more, eat regular meals all of these things that are beneficial for those living with bipolar disorder, but I just don't do them like I should all the time. I hate feeling like a bipolar patient all the time, I hate that I pretty much had a psychotic episode after going so long episode free.I have been close to another manic episode but the death of Freddy was so tragic and hard that I had another episode and because I took myself to the hospital, I survived but what if no one was there to see my fall. What if I was alone? It's so freakin hard to live with this on a daily basis. I feel things so deeply and yet it's great to love so deeply you cry all the time but it's not fun also. I am not Bipolar Disorder I'm surviving with Bipolar Disorder. The thought of getting lost again and losing myself so deep inside myself is just terrifying. I feel like most days I just walk around surviving trying to focus on any way possible to turn my pain into beauty with art and kindness towards others. I hope if you have bipolar disorder you don't live in fear like I do. Please be safe guys and TAKE YOUR MEDS!
Here are some other videos you might find helpful and please check out my original music. You can navigate by using the playlist tab where I have everything from unboxings to roller skating but my most important videos are my bipolar manic life vlogs and my original music since a lot of it is inspired by my struggle with Bipolar Disorder and Relationships.
What is Bipolar Mania:
• What Are Typical Sympt...
Bipolar Brain Damage
• Does Bipolar Disorder ...
Making Amends
• Bipolar Disorder Relat...
Bipolar Psychosis--- My STORY
• My First Three Manic E...
Original Music
Look At You
• "Look At You" Live Aco...
The End
• The End
The KZitemr I was talking about was Rawsammi
You can find Paige's art @ditchflowerxo on instagram
my instagram is 1ReveInfini and my other youtube channel is Reve Infini for music only.
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From the Artist:
The piece is called Fugue
It is called Fugue it means something both in music and psychiatry. In music it is used to describe a composition with multiple melodic lines each melody or phrase introduced in one part then developed and interwoven within others. When my mind creates an image of this, it is much to the likeness of that it creates when imagining life diagnosed with bipolar. The whole thing, the performance of life is the song and I the short melody that's introduced as it plays things happen, something, many things happen in each part interweaving notes that play in contrapunt to my nature. Whatever it is that made me sound this way has interwoven with the susceptibility to be taken up by the parts of the song that are madness. Me, the melody arose from an upbringing of constant contradiction a place that felt like way. The sound of chaos is all I've ever known when I can't hear it's tune around me it arises out from where it's woven into me... which leaves me reaching for the touch of something I can't quite name that seems to intersect others so easily.
It's like everyone hears the music from the from the ground their version of the song plays from bars that run along lines drawn from the plants and dirt they've grounded. Their minds observe the bounds of the atmosphere but mine has made a garden that spans something between heaven and earth.
In psychiatry the term is used to describe " as state or period of loss of awareness of one's identity, often coupled with flight from one's usual environment, associated with certain forms of hysteria." Needless to say, mania is definitely a certain form of hysteria, One I wished actual life reflected the image of. I see it when it consumes me, In a state of mental containment I long for the touch of lust to exist I had while manic, but find myself grasping for the life I had before being left in the wake of destruction. That's it, bipolar, two faces, haigh and low. But not really. I'm not bipolar I'm Paige I'm not black or blue. I may be beaten up and bruised but despite where my garden grows I' lush. too. My times of bloom may not easily be predicted, ;but I still experience each season like winter, some are dark. In fact most have been black but looking back I can see the purple peeking through. Purple, the color magic. For as long as I have to.I'll keep reaching, until the notes heard so easily from the ground, carry up into space and I get a touch of what I've been seeing that everyone has and I can't quite name. I just hope it's not light years away.
#bipolardisorder #documentary #mania
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