hey Kerilyn totally agree - we never stop learning and growing
@LisaStrattonStevens
9 ай бұрын
Me too. 53 ATM. Just got the diagnosis
@redhawkredhawk77com
Жыл бұрын
"I have peace for the first time" is an understatement. Armed with the knowledge that I'm Autistic, my inner dialogue no longer screams for an end. Even better, I now find me laughing at myself and the 'tism from time to time rather than imploding. It's much better this way 🙂
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
So much to relate to here
@kdcraft89
Жыл бұрын
I like the idea of laughing at myself rather than imploding. I'll have to try that.
@justlease37
Жыл бұрын
Hey Claire. Late diagnosed here. (For the record, I'm 53.) As a child, I was precocious and thought that I was so different from everyone else because I was "smarter" than those around me. I didn't relate well to my peers and while I generally had a best friend, I didn't have loads of friends. I was 'weird.' I cared about different things than my peers. I felt most comfortable around adults. I always felt this pressure to be perfect and the best at anything I endeavored to do. If I wasn't good at it naturally, I didn't want to do the thing because of perfectionism. I felt constantly judged - and I realize now that it was likely because I was so judgemental, I was projecting and assuming that because I was certainly judging others for not living up to my perfect standards, they were judging me against those standards too. I think I was reluctant to let most people get close to me because you have to be vulnerable to do that - and then people would know for sure that I wasn't perfect. I feel like my diagnosis has allowed me to relax and finally be comfortable with who I am - and recognize that my brain just works differently than most other people. I don't have to hide my flaws and it's ok to struggle and let people see that.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience - you’ve helped me and I know it will help others
@alexadellastella5247
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing! If you may, I just wanted to ask you if you feel that you had a safe upbringing or a judgmental/dysfunctional upbringing? I'm asking cos I'm also late diagnosed autistic and from a hurtful dysfunctional family which I had to take distance from and I'm wondering how the perfectionism part comes from the influence of upbringing and/or autism....I'm confused on that aspect myself... thanks and all the best
@justlease37
Жыл бұрын
@@alexadellastella5247 I definitely did not have a safe upbringing. I grew up in an environment with a volatile/abusive stepfather and learned at an early age to do everything in my power to try to not set him off. I was the oldest of 5, and also felt like I had to keep my siblings from potentially doing anything that might cause him to get upset and smack us all around. Also, I had a very critical father/step-mother (that I did not live with) who influenced me into trying to be more like them (because I preferred their relatively calm life and figured if i modeled myself on their way of thinking I'd be ok). Looking back at all this as an adult, I recognize that this combination likely had just as much of an profound effect on me as did the fact that I'm autistic. I've done a ton of work on myself to give myself and other people grace, and I do recognize when I'm instantly jumping to being judgey - sometimes it takes me some reflection to realize it, but it happens much less automatically and I'm pretty happy to be in this place now.
@sueannevangalen5186
Жыл бұрын
Like many of us, I feel that my autism diagnosis was one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and one of the reasons for that is because I can finally relax and REALLY get to know myself. I've been trying so hard to be like everyone else that I didn't even know the person who's been hiding deep inside all this time. Suddenly, it's okay if that person only wants a few friends, and only wants to talk about grammar and literature and cats, and makes weird but oddly relaxing hand movements, etc. It's like, "Phew! The fight to be normal was exhausting. Now I can be as weird as I want." That's been one of the top positive changes for me 😊
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
yes in a way it sets you free
@srldwg
Жыл бұрын
I couldn't relate to you more! You sound so much like me!😅 Thank you so much for sharing this, it makes me not feel so alone!
@sueannevangalen5186
Жыл бұрын
@@srldwg ❤️
@roxanes43
Жыл бұрын
At 54 newly diagnosed, finding peace through grace with myself. Plus making peace with decades of inauthentic and sometimes inappropriate behaviors pushing myself to fit in. It was exhausting and embarrassing. Like you, autism finally answered so many questions. Thank you for sharing your journey 😊
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing it helps others
@originalvonster
Жыл бұрын
I can relate to a lot of that. Perfectionism and being judgemental in particular. I’m still awaiting a diagnosis but I feel that an autism diagnosis would explain a lot.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
it does explain a lot
@hannahowen1801
Жыл бұрын
I love how open you are. I can very much relate to everything you said here. The high standards and having to be good at everything. No wonder I ended up getting burnt out!
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
yeah dude i was just ashes by the time i was done
@johnzimpelman9018
11 ай бұрын
I was diagnosed with my autism seven years ago but two years earler I had a wonderful physician write the word Asperger's and a couple of titles of books to read. My diagnosis was cathartic, "the dots connected." Despite my attempts in the past I never had successful or healthy friendships or relationships. Since my diagnosis I have had peace of mind for the first time and each day I am learning more about the authentic ME! I realized that I was masking all my life and it was truly exhausting. We are part of a wonderful and special community and no matter what you are never alone. ❤️
@WoodshedTheory
11 ай бұрын
thank you for sharing - i'm happy for you :)
@Mazzy_moon
Жыл бұрын
I was diagnosed at 38 I had a major meltdown in 2020 that led me to find out. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Im 40 now the year after diagnoses i was in complete burnout because I had overworked myself for 15 years. I was nonstop with a mask on. Now im trying to balance myself more, and to get to know myself. I had no idea who i was. I would mirror ppl before. It really has been a blessing to know im autistic, life was an extreme mental struggle before i knew. Now i can say ok this is why i feel this way so I can approach it better. I lost a lot of my friends in the process I felt i had to push them away to find myself. Im honestly just starting fresh and you have helped me more than you know. I actually sent my mom a video of you and your mom talking and thats how I explained to her about autisum it helped a lot!!. Her and I bumped heads for so many years. Now we have a beautiful relationship. Thank you Claire. ❤ Hope you have a beautiful day! 🌸
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Mazzy I can relate to you so much, thank you for sharing your experience.
@Mazzy_moon
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing yours as well. 🤍
@shawnaford5540
Жыл бұрын
At age 61, had no idea and so much makes sense.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Shawna thank you for sharing.
@user-wt9yw9of5g
Жыл бұрын
I'm about 2 months into to self diagnosis, and wow! I'm 55 and my life all makes sense now. I grieved at first, but then everything so quickly settled in. All of the content I have consumed from creators like yourself has made learn a lot and very fast. I am different inside now. In my 30's I was diagnosed Cyclothymic, then BPD then BiPolar but now everything makes sense. I too, thought I was pretty mysterious, I started out new age then found Christianity then dove in headfirst there too! The peace you speak of, I now know too. The search I had been on to find what was wrong with me seems to be at an end. The last piece of the puzzle was when I found out about the PDA profile - talk about WOW - this was dynamite! Like you I did not know that I suffered from anxiety - I had and knew depression, big time, but I had no idea what anxiety was. I know now that I have suffered from terrible anxiety all of my life! Pathological Demand Avoidance answers to my cluster of autistic traits - and it's ALL anxiety driven. I have found other things now - like boundaries & relating to others (my nightmare!) to be subjects I am willing to delve into. I want to do that kind of work. Something I simply was not interested in before. It is a new life with wonderful possibilities. I have started to advocate for my own young daughter who is ultra high needs autistic. I never before understood what autism really was because she was so profoundly affected. I could not see myself in autism, not the autism I knew through her experience. But now I know how dreadful the anxiety is, that she suffers. She cannot even speak so how cruel must have her life have been. No one understood, she presented as so complex. But now we know that PDA could be why. It is transformational! I have become in a few weeks a stronger more confident person. I have been able to give myself a grace as a mother, I can see that I have been through a war almost, in dealing with my own sensory issues, that were so badly affected by her violently loud. chaotic, and unpredictable outbursts. I understand now why I did not cope, why I would just break down, I felt so weak, so hopeless and useless. Others have been amazed at how I deal with it all but I felt like an imposter, I thought if they knew what I really felt, they could never give me those type of accolades. They say that I am such a great advocate for her, but I felt like I was doing nothing for her at all. Now I finally see the strength, resilience, and power my autism has actually given me. I know now, that I have what could be classed as super power that helps me to learn and share information. I believe that I will be able to finally succeed in something where I have always felt less than, and a failure, and a fraud. I love this new place, this new me, it is a wonderful coming home. Thank you for your video and thank you for sharing your life with us. xx JC
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thanks for sharing your experience with us
@tomasvoldrich
Жыл бұрын
OMG, it is so beautiful message. It really touched the heart, I dropped several tears at the end of reading. 👍
@user-wt9yw9of5g
Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much - that is so lovely for you to say. ❤@@tomasvoldrich
@waynepalumbo8917
Жыл бұрын
It seems like there are quite a few people who were originally misdiagnosed Bipolar but then later were rediagnosed as Autistic. I wonder how many people out there are actually autistic but were diagnosed Bipolar.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I have heard this a lot as well @@waynepalumbo8917
@buttercxpdraws8101
Жыл бұрын
I must admit that prior to diagnosis I was a pretty ableist and obnoxious person. I thought that issues I had with other people were due to them being envious of my intelligence. I masked so extensively that I genuinely believed I could morph myself into being anything I wanted to be and that other people were just living in a different (lesser) plane of existence. It’s been a lot to process that I wasn’t some extraordinary being, but actually just autistic. It’s harder, but better now because I am learning to be myself and it turns out I actually really like who I am under the mask. It sounds like we have some things in common with our pre and post diagnosed selves ✌️💕🌻
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I am so glad you are being honest with us - i think it is really important to speak the truth about our experiences even if they dont put us in the best light
@buttercxpdraws8101
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory Yep. That’s why I think this is such an important video on your channel, and I’m incredibly grateful that you made it 💚
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thanks friend @@buttercxpdraws8101
@passaggioalivello
Жыл бұрын
Hi Claire, a late diagnosis will be a real blessing to me, because I will finally be free to "behave like an autistic human", and have access to the help I need.
@SmallSpoonBrigade
Жыл бұрын
Self diagnosis gives you that. But a proper diagnosis gives you a comeback if people take issue with it. I can't remember who said it, but a diagnosis doesn't change who you are, it changes how you see yourself. A diagnosis also brings legal protections and mandated accomodations as well.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
good points
@passaggioalivello
Жыл бұрын
@@SmallSpoonBrigade I know, but without a legal diagnosis, I can't do anything. Unfortunately it's almost impossible to get a proper diagnosis in my country.
@SmallSpoonBrigade
Жыл бұрын
@@passaggioalivello This is true. And hopefully as people push harder for proper recognition that will start to change.
@kdcraft89
Жыл бұрын
Yes, I tried to find someone who did diagnosis with adults. Even the ones who formerly worked with adults only take children now. I'm glad kids are being diagnosed, but what about their parents? Other adults? @@passaggioalivello
@Thought.I.Was.Clever
Жыл бұрын
Hello Claire, great video. I just learned I was autistic when I was 53 I think. I don’t have friends. No social group. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I’m not overly bothered by it. I am going to try out the local atheist community to see how that goes. It’s a topic of interest for me, and has been since I was young.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
If it doesn't bother you and you are happy, then you are probably doing something right :) good luck with the community group
@whitecatgarden373
Жыл бұрын
❤ my experience is very similar to yours. I don't think I've found your level of peace with all of it yet. I don't know if I'll ever get the friend thing figured out
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
it's a process
@Tilly850
11 ай бұрын
We might be the same person. (giggle) except that I'm 65 now. Talk about late, right? Would love a diagnosis, but my psychologist sister says yep, so that's enough for now. It truly is transformative to now know why I struggled with all the crap. So much more at peace now. Still have those days, moments and yes, there's peace now. It was a shock. I am so much kinder to myself now too. Thanks, Claire for sharing. It's brave of you.
@WoodshedTheory
11 ай бұрын
Welcome friend! I would say if it’s something you want, then do it. You know what is best for you.
@jbullets5198
11 ай бұрын
Diagnosed last year at 35, it was such a lightbulb moment when I too, stumbled across a KZitem about female autism and everything clicked in place. That's when I went for my assessment. It'll be a year in November. It's definitely transformative and gives you a sense of self 💯💯
@WoodshedTheory
11 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing
@issofsar
Жыл бұрын
I was diagnosed a few months ago at age 49. I am exactly the same with my aloofness and attitudes. It's so good to have a reason after all these years of having no friends and isolation to stay away from people and situations.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i am glad you resonate with this - i'm glad i shared because now i know i'm not alone
@9crutnacker985
Жыл бұрын
I got to 55 y/o without knowing. Plenty of people have gone much longer. 12.05 onwards, strongly relate to the judgmental & high self view / standards thing & holding others to my standards. I was usually the 'smartest' at school & put peoples dislike of me down to that as well. (I was right - joke). Not proud either. That all sounds just like I was as well as how my self DX has changed me. (I was very good at keeping confidences though & still am.) I so wish I'd found out in my 30's but the interweb wasn't what it is now & I didn't even have a computer then. (I know you remember dial up.) Anxiety. I think this is one of the most misused words in autism & causes so much misconception with NTs. We accept it as a description because it comes from psychologists. What we experience is not anxiety (as an NT would experience it) it's fear. Out, right, fear, if not terror. This is why NTs down play us when we talk about our anxiety. They're view of anxiety would be so mild to us we'd think it a relief. Another great video Claire. You're on a role atm!
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thanks for your encouragement
@schwingle17
Жыл бұрын
So much this. 54, Dx about 2 weeks ago. ✌️
@SilverMoonbeam2
Жыл бұрын
The first Ted talk I saw was with Leah Reinarty and her story was so similar to mine that it made me cry. I am currently self identified but I finally got my partner to understand how much I need this so we’re saving up soon for my official diagnosis 😊
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I am glad you found Leah's video
@SilverMoonbeam2
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory I actually wish I could be an advocate like that. Autism has become a very deeply engrained special interest for me already. But things where I have to be seen and heard…I think it’s just a bit beyond my capabilities. At least at this point of my life so far.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I think we can all be an advocate in our own way, even if it quietly or behind the scenes :) @@SilverMoonbeam2
@buttdumpling1978
Жыл бұрын
I’m about to turn 45, in just under a month from now, and first figured out what my “problem” was , back in June, when there was a recommended video in my KZitem feed. It was a Mom on the Spectrum video about female autism. By the time the video was over, I was crying, because it was like she was describing my life. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, in high school, and put on Zoloft. I ended up staying on it for 19 years! I only weened myself off of it when my doctor retired. I never should have been on it for so long. It helped at first, but I could have been taken off of it after a short time. It just ended up making me feel numb and like I needed 12 hours of sleep every day. My problem in school was obviously sensory and social issues, looking back, anxiety wise. My home life was where my depression stemmed from. I was stuck in a bad situation in a broken family, with a domineering father, who was never satisfied with anything I did. There was physical violence and emotional and mental trauma. I never fit in, in school, until I went to art school, at 18, for 2 years. Even then, I still felt like I was a bit lost. But much more accepted. When I was about 34, I remember telling an aunt that I felt like I had been floating through life, not knowing what I really wanted to do. I couldn’t pick a “career”. So I just had a job. It seems that things have just sort of fallen into place, and I am pretty content with where I am at job wise. I only work 3 days a week, for myself, and since it involves being helpful and feeling useful, I am happy with that. I also don’t have friends in the way that others do. Learning about who I really am, over this summer, has been a homecoming of sorts. It’s been cathartic.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thank you so much for sharing this - i know it will help someone
@boi905
Жыл бұрын
ASD isn't a neurological disorder it's a different neuro type. Tbh I always reach way across to the NT's side when it would be nice if they would finally try to meet us halfway.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thats a good point - i do think we should meet each other halfway
@katieyoung7271
Жыл бұрын
I really relate to so much of this! In my 20’s especially. I was the artist/poet outsider wearing all the quirky clothes and masking so much. I thought highly of myself too. Since my diagnosis, I’ve really changed so much. I’m still creative, but that is separate from my AuDHD. Unmasking is a humbling experience.
@stephen7630
5 ай бұрын
I get this must be so hard to admit, but I really understand what you mean around feeling better than other people. There's part of me that has felt better than other people, and then there's another part of me that loathes myself for being arrogant.
@JaneteB
Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for being honest about the less pretty side before diagnosis, especially the judgmental frustration with others, I really needed to hear this because I feel like I’m just starting to come out of that stage and no one else (that I’ve seen from binging audhd videos) has ever mentioned how it manifests in a nasty way. I’m starting to feel that peaceful feeling of knowing that I have adhd and autism and suddenly getting annoyed with people isn’t as urgent (even though most people should do more introspection with a therapist and learn honesty😂)
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing :) I am glad I said something even though it was scary to me because it seems that many of us have gone through this
@cassielee1114
Жыл бұрын
Self-diagnosed adhd and autism here 👋 Before - I was an anxious mess, life felt far too hard, I genuinely thought I was going crazy and worried I would turn into a horrible, unreasonable person like other women in my family. In general life I had grown to believe i was too rubbish to even go out and socialise , when I did socialise i needed liquid confidence (i couldn’t process what anyone was saying a lo of the time and had a habit of just doing a polite laugh which got some double-takes). People sometimes took issue with me because I seemed aloof or the opposite, too goofy. I’ve done the exact same thing with friendships - never keeping up with people when we split life paths. Really bad at initiating, thinking of things to say, texting, making phone calls, thinking outside my own little world of projects, achieving any goals, etc. After - I feel like I finally accessed my programming and that that’s what I’ve unknowingly been trying to do my whole life. When I make a mistake or feel weird in an unexplainable way, or don’t have the energy to be polite to people, I picture my brain wiring all kind of crossed over rather than a future where I’ve lost my mind and messed up my relationships 😅
@benediktornhjaltason7948
Жыл бұрын
I'm 39 and I made the initial discovery 5 months ago watching an Orion Kelly video. I will be having a formal assessment in little over a month. It's been really hard to wait, but at the same time I count myself lucky for having a relatively short wait and a free assessment. I've been in the spiral since initial discovery and I'm 150% sure. It has also changed a lot for me already. I relate to what you said about chasing something that's not going to happen. I have become much more sensitive to my actual capacities, and become more kind to myself for my past mistakes. Your content has been valuable in my spiral ☺️
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
So happy it has helped you - that's the biggest goal
@TrenaBarnes52
Жыл бұрын
I so relate to how you felt before diagnosis. I always knew I was smart and I assumed that would take me wherever I needed to go in life but after high school I just found myself failing at most things, a trend that continued for years. I couldn't figure out why everything was such a struggle. After a while I just felt like I was somehow broken in a way I couldn't figure out even after pursuing healing and therapy for years. It finally all makes sense now so at 52 I'm figuring out what I really do like and what I really am good at and forgiving myself for all the years I told myself I was a failure. It's taking time and I learn a little more each day. Thank you for sharing with us all. It helps so much.❤
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this really inspires me!
@brianfoster4434
Жыл бұрын
Thank you! That was extremely informative.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thanks Brian for your support
@ecpetty
Жыл бұрын
Your description of your childhood experience with friend groups mirrors mine in VERY similar ways. Same feelings, same thoughts about why I'm like this ("My family is just more religious than everyone else's," "My creativity runs in the family (particularly Dad's side -- where do you think the autism came from???)," etc.). I'm nodding my head along in recognition as I watch! 😆
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i am happy you can relate.
@kellyschroeder7437
Жыл бұрын
Thanks Claire !!! 💞👊 I feel so caught in trap of how not to mask. So hard to find my true authentic self 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Hi Kelly, I get it. Unmasking is a process.
@bassplayinMacFiend
Жыл бұрын
As a recently diagnosed autistic, I greatly appreciate your videos. Really trying to figure myself out now that I finally know what’s made me different all this time.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thanks for your kind words - i appreciate you! how are things going since your discovery?
@bassplayinMacFiend
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory I’ve been reviewing all of those wonderful moments my mind won’t let me ever forget with a new lens and understanding and a bit of forgiveness even. At least now I know why I could never find the right book that would help me understand how to talk to other people.
@MsLisa551
4 ай бұрын
I absolutely understand. I appreciate your honesty, it helps me reflect. It's been a long weary road here at 57. I am ADHD diagnosed. I have a new psychiatrist after 30 years of being misdiagnosed for so long. I will be having an autism assessment. ❤
@jeffreypollan308
Жыл бұрын
It was over a decade ago, in my late 50s, that my therapist consulted with someone and came back with a ‘diagnosis’ of Asperger Syndrome. I never experienced the battery of tests that others go through. I then read David Finch’s ‘The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to Be a Better Husband,’ and could not entirely relate to it, except for the part about always being the last one to show up at work. I became a little sidetracked by reading Susan Cain’s book ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.’ And, I read the book ‘NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity,’ by Steve Silberman. After the DSM-V was issued, the same therapist claimed that I was not on the autism spectrum; that I didn’t meet the criteria. Masking? Perhaps she didn’t see the part where persons with a prior diagnosis were now considered ASD. It is only recently, with the occurrence of late-diagnosed persons starting channels on KZitem, that I fully identify as Autistic, but never quite sure if I’m an imposter.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
yeah i am sorry you had this experience - i think it's normal to feel like an imposter sometimes
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
The first counselor who suggested that I had autism many years later denied it. That was harmful to me. Luckily another mental health professional pushed me to be diagnosed. I hope you find peace with yourself!
@TheCassierra908
Жыл бұрын
I can relate so much. For me I was doing self- therapy for my social anxiety in 2020 and a point came up related to autism. I didn't think much of it at the time. But then I started to delve into it about a year later and... wow! that was where everything came together for me. And I've been on a journey ever since. Also I was like that with clothes too... Thought dressing a certain way to fit it but never quite ever fitting in anywhere. I was basically lost my whole life until I found out I was autistic. That reality changed everything for me for the better.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thank you for sharing - i feel very similarly
@kdcraft89
Жыл бұрын
The clothes thing is interesting. Clothes, for me, have a lot to do with masking. I'm a very visual person, so this makes sense.
@JustMe_OhWell
Жыл бұрын
Sorry someone messed up your live. I was there at the end right before the troll showed up. I gave you a like. Sending you love!! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know you have helped me so much not feel alone. I know I'm not the only one. 🥰 I had a complete shut down mode for a few years and it lead me to find myself. I never knew who I was or even what I liked or anything I was good at. I eventually found out that I'm autistic and everything else finally fell into place. I'm still learning everyday too. It's been a long journey but I'm glad I'm on it. 😁
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Lol the troll - i don't think they messed up the live, i was having a great time
@forrestheise2596
Жыл бұрын
Hi Claire thanks for the live chat last night and this vid i havent been able to explain things but im glad i found your channel and have alot of similarities and yes its definitely hard for me awaiting for my testing oct im sure it will open up more options and i can learn more.... take care Claire
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I know it's hard to wait for the test
@michaelpieper5908
8 ай бұрын
Just subscribed via Orion Kelly. Congrats on 10K. Always known something was different, in relationships, friendships, communication, social etc. In the beginning of 2023 I discovered I have Klinefelter Syndrome (I'm 46yo now) and while that was certainly different, I felt like there were still missing pieces. I felt my ADHD (Diagnosed at about 28yo) was worsening after testosterone replacement (and my anxiety and depression hit hard after getting a Melanoma mid year), and after being on a waitlist for 2 months to get an appoinment with a Psychiatrist (moved country, needed a new diagnosis), my referral was rejected because I questioned Autism and he didn't specialise in it. I am self-diagnosed for now - this is the only thing that resonates 100% with me - ADHD was also off since social and communication difficulties, as well as concentration in special interests was there etc. The more I learn about Autism and the more videos I watch (yours included) the more I am convinced. Thank you for sharing your story.
@WoodshedTheory
8 ай бұрын
Nice to have you thanks for sharing
@taynehenry6924
Ай бұрын
Wow, did this one resonate with me! I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 when I was 36 (realise this might sit a bit out from the other comments) and last year found out from my Psychologist that I'm on the spectrum of ADHD and Autism. I'm 45 now. Discovering all this has in no way been a negative. If anything the Bipolar diagnosis was confronting initially but it completely explained my emotional disregulation that I felt all my life. That I could go from feeling high to low at different levels of intensity at many stages in my life suddenly made so much sense. Some of your points like acting aloof and being judgemental I relate to hugely too. I believe I've lessened these qualities in myself in more recent years which has made me a more content person. I'm way more vulnerable now and it's so much more freeing. I can totally tell people find it more comfortable and even enjoyable to be around me, instead of me being so closed off and in my head. Thanks so much for making this video Claire. I got a lot out of it 😊💛.
@badnewsburt9675
Жыл бұрын
I'm 36 and self diagnosed about a month ago. Initially there was a strong feeling of relief, but lately I've been more worried, because I still need to accomplish a lot to make my life work and accepting that I'm autistic makes finding a career that I'm happy with seem impossible sometimes.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I understands - it's not all good, there are some really hard transitions. make sure to give yourself grace and time
@whitneymason406
Жыл бұрын
I had a very difficult childhood and all the professionals I saw growing up thought my behaviors stemmed from that trauma. Once I had my son who was nonspeaking and diagnosed autistic, I started looking online for support dealing with raising an autistic child with high support needs. Good old "Al" started suggesting videos about how autism can present differently in others and then I clicked and went down that rabbit hole. I got my diagnosis 2 years ago and I think the biggest thing I've gotten out of it is the internal dialog in my head is much more positive. I give myself grace whereas before i would beat myself up. Great topic! ❤
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Yes you become much less hard on yourself
@user-dc2pj8rp2y
Жыл бұрын
Your transparency is beautiful! Thank you for being YOU! 26 yrs. Ago at a conference in Crested Butte, Colorado that was for Doctors, Teachers,Therapist, and parents to learn and share about different Special Needs..... I was attending because of my son with Down Syndrome\with autistic behavior ~~ had also discovered another one of my sons had severe ADHD/Autitory Processing Disorder/SEVERE DYSLEXIA /childhood depression, 2 of my 3 daughters diagnosed ADHD, along with myself...I had mastered Dyslexia in 3rd grade and diagnosed ADHD at age 33~~~ my youngest daughter definitely had her share of Dyslexia, later revealed...and Since being in gymnastics kept my body moving as a child, I put her in gymnastics as she was a natural..... Ughhhhh .....sorry...soooo , back to the conference~~ it HIT ME..... that ADHD/AUTISM/Dyslexia was not a mental illness, rather we all have differing abilities. My blessed late husband's different ability was loving us all as we were intense, and rarely sat still. When I heard you say "mental illness" I know that the Docs call many neurodiverse people mentally ill ~~ I BEG TO DIFFER...... Different abilities are beautiful ~~ and just because we don't fit into a round peg, it's not an illness~~~ rather in most people's lives, IT IS A SUPER POWER , given by the Father of Light in whom there is no shifting or shadows. Young LADY , YOU ROCK~~~ and are helping so many to break out from the shadows into the beautiful light of simply BEING, the human BEING, we have been created to be! 😊 I feel like I met you, sort of 😂.... last night on live feed...I am Beverly... so good to SEE YOU!....
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thanks Beverly, I hope it was clear that when I was talking about mental illness i was referring to OCD and not to Autism :)
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
60 to 7O% of autistic people also have a mental illness. The line between autism and mental illness is not so clear. It is kind of hurtful as someone who has both when it sounds like you are putting mentally ill people down.
@Mountain-Man-3000
9 ай бұрын
Late diagnosed at 35 a few years ago. My life and outlook about myself has changed dramatically. I am still coming to terms with it and figuring out what I am. It's crazy how many of us have the same story.
@WoodshedTheory
9 ай бұрын
it is crazy!
@Naida1977
9 ай бұрын
Not yet diagnosed officially but totally relate to everything you’ve mentioned! Things are going much more smoothly since I understand why I always felt as an alien with others! Still learning to handle interactions through this new lenses that is autism! Finally, life makes sense despite the challenges! Thanks for sharing your deeper thoughts! ❤
@WoodshedTheory
9 ай бұрын
Glad it was helpful
@ginnyjanisse1220
Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! Your journey in life resonates very deeply with me, especially the friendship dynamics. I literally have the same things in my “evidence of autism” list that I’ve been working on. Hopefully someday I can get formal diagnosis, until then I am working out my own social strategies.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
It came be difficult to get a diagnosis so it's totally fine to work on it yourself
@cathybawlf7282
Жыл бұрын
So pleased to hear that your diagnosis has helped you so much. Well done for your insight and self-discovery. It is not always easy. In a future video, I would love to hear more about how you had anxiety, but didn’t recognise it as that. I have a loved one who has just been diagnosed. 💚
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
that is a great video idea
@stalkerlohh
11 ай бұрын
i totally feel you, like everything...no official diagnose but im so glad i found out im autistic at 32...i feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders and i can be more free and understand myself much more... hellou world, hellou autism - life finally feels worth living when you know who you are yourself ...it was such a burden my whole life when i always was inside my head thinking why i am so weird and dont fit in anywhere...sry for bad english, but thanks for making these videos.....stuff makes so much more sense now, its unbelievable !!!
@WoodshedTheory
11 ай бұрын
i am happy you are feeling better :)
@waynepalumbo8917
Жыл бұрын
<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="720">12:00</a> I was VERY judgemental, but didn't realize it. I as well thought highly of myself, but was super self-deprecating so people thought i had low self esteem. I just was always very bad at explaining myself to people (still am). Either too specific, not specific enough, or get frustrated trying to explain my point. Seriously though so much of what you're saying is so familiar and I'm glad it wasn't just me.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Hi Wayne I am so happy it resonates with you as it was hard to talk about
@kdcraft89
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story and for taking the risks. This is the video of yours that touched me the most. I could relate to much of what you said except I'm ADHD, officially diagnosed 25 years ago. But the autism explains so much, more really. About thinking you are better that others, for me that may relate to masking. You watch what others do in order to mask. For me, I was always comparing myself to others in order to "act normal." It also appears to explain why it's hard to make friends, because they don't like this or that about you. And it's true, lots of allistic people are uncomfortable with autism. But not everyone, I think. And also, this helps preserve our ego (ego in the healthy sense of the word). If you are smart/creative with high level special interests, you figure that's why people don't like you (sometimes true when you go into detail about a special interest). I realized this tendency (better than) a while back and decided to take the stance that no one is better than anyone else. That way I don't put myself down if I'm lesser than or inflate myself if I'm better than someone at a particular skill, etc. If someone is truly evil (does heinous crimes, for instance), then yes, I want to be better than that and any normal person would also. Oh, and the oversharing thing is also a challenge that I'm working on. And the one-sided relationships.Very insightful video.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience
@MariaTheBluebird
10 ай бұрын
I can relate so much to your experience. Particularly the challenges with friendships / connecting with people, wearing creative/different clothing, feeling "different." I also grew up thinking highly of myself, as if I was somehow more "aware" and "enlightened" than others, which is also difficult to admit. I have yet to receive an official diagnosis, but I have suspected for several years that I am autistic after researching and hearing other peoples' experiences. Regardless, I think it is so valuable for those of us who grew up as "outsiders" to share our stories; it is a way for those of us who share similar experiences (but have had to try to navigate those experiences on our own for so long) to finally feel understood.
@WoodshedTheory
10 ай бұрын
Thanks for being here, you are very welcome~
@waynepalumbo8917
Жыл бұрын
This is a very familiar story. Thank you for sharing it :)
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thanks for your support wayne
@queenmotherbug
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story, Claire. It sounds like your diagnosis was very freeing for you, and you're much happier and more comfortable in your skin now. It's encouraging to hear how far you've come!
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thanks friend, I do feel like i've come a long way
@zinzimashibini2949
Жыл бұрын
Getting my diagnosis (formal diagnosis at 42) has been life-changing. My life finally makes sense. I realized I was different when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and started masking then. I'm now in the process of unmasking and relieved to finally know why I am the way I am. Doesn't fix everything, but at least I know how to communicate a little bit better.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
right it doesnt fix everything but gosh it sure helps
@katalystversiontwo
11 ай бұрын
Conveniently I'm 31 and just got diagnosed 😊
@WoodshedTheory
11 ай бұрын
Heyoooo
@erynmorgan1717
Жыл бұрын
This was so wonderful to here your experience. I was shocked that I was autistic, I was looking into autism for my husband and daughter and it was only when I started reading and looking at "female" autism traits that I was stunned that I was saying, "But that's me!" and "Isn't that what everyone thinks?" Apparently not! I feel so guilty that my husband and I because we are both autistic hadn't recognised autism behaviours in our children growing up. They are now 18 and 19 and this is the first yr that our whole family is on a journey of self discovery and learning how to communicate better with each other and why we feel the way we do in certain situations. I also struggle with OCD along with autoimmune disease and life threatening allergies which makes living with me hard but listening to you talk about it, I am starting to think may be I might need to get some outside help for the OCD but that thought is still a little too scary! Thank you for your openness, it really makes a difference to hear your experiences, the ups and the downs.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
1. Please don't be too hard on yourself - if you didn't know about autism and you are all autistic you had no frame of reference to know different. 2. I understand that getting help for OCD is HARD - i waited so long because I was terrified to get help, that they wouldn't understand and literally send me away. i'm here to support you when you are ready. may i suggest the book "the ocd workbook" although i borrowed it from a friend at one point and was too scared to open it
@erynmorgan1717
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheorythank you for the support and I will look for the book, just having it in my house will let me pick it up when I am ready to start dealing with it. Again, I am so appreciative to have found you and your honest videos into the ups and the downs of autism and it's co-morbidities. It really, really helps. x
@carlataylor9924
9 ай бұрын
🎉❤ I'm really happy you have mental peace! I can relate to these things alot. I'm self diagnosed at 40. I REALLY RELATE to the part about feeling better than others pre-diagnosis. It's not a pretty quality and it takes a very healthy amount of self worth and love to not only see it, but speak about it. I think it comes from a feeling of insecurity, but the thing about diagnosis, (formal or self diagnosis) is that it allows us to learn about ourselves for the first time in our lives. That other puzzle peice I kept trying to find in other people was actually a part of me that I never got educated about. And once educated, I can start to do life in a way that works and helps me understand other pwople too. It has definitely given me more humility. It has helped me see other people growing in their own ways, living by their own views. It has helped me know and FEEL that it's okay for me to grow and live in my own ways too. Past relationships were a mess! I was very codependent and really needed people to want me in their lives, while I would often be "pretend aloof" and not care if they were or not. Deep inside, inreally wanted to be accepted so bad. When I wasn't pretend aloof, I was people pleasing, saying yes to everything anyone wanted, being so adaptable to everyone that I didnt own any sense of self. If I had one identity back in my 20s, it was that I was a people pleasing workaholic perfectionist. (Oooomph!) What an identity. It wasn't what I wanted to be, it was just my behavior and maladaptive life skills meshed with complete unawareness of autism. Oh, and I can't forget that I overshared everything, with everyone and that left me open to alot of manipulation tactics from others, and i...I had no idea. I just kept giving them everything they needed until I was exhausted and crying, or until the relationship ended badly. Nowadays? I'm learning still. I know I'm not a liar if I choose self dignity by NOT telling someone I just met my whole life story. I choose to honor my healing and growth and let people show me who they are by behavior, not just words. I am forgiving to myself for my prideful attitude of thr past, for I was an insecure girl then who felt abandoned, BUT, I take responsibility for it and choose to set aside any victimized mentality and be 💪 strong in my own awareness, for who hasn't struggled, right?! 🎉
@WoodshedTheory
9 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience with us
@JeremiahKellogg
Жыл бұрын
Holy cow, I completely relate to this. You might be the first autistic person I've heard mention how you thought highly of yourself before the diagnosis, which is something I experienced, too. Even to the point where when I first started looking into my anxiety and anger and mental health issues that I worried I might be a narcissist. Much like you, I encountered a KZitem video where a woman who was undiagnosed until she was an adult talked about her experiences, and everything just made sense. It was a relief at first but all this new information about myself ultimately led to 2 pretty severe mental breakdowns. It was worth all that, though, because now I feel like my anger and anxiety are more of a murmur in my head rather than a screaming howl. I've also stopped holding myself to such a high standard (mostly) and expecting the same high standard from other people. Getting the formal diagnosis helped a lot, too. Everybody struggles with something, I just feel fortunate now that I know what my struggle is rather than trying to blindly fight it.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
sounds like we have had a similar experience thanks for sharing
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
This is new information for me! I have watched 1000+ autism videos. Great Video!
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i LOVE hearing this - it is so hard to think of fresh stuff sometimes
@murtazaarif6507
Жыл бұрын
Seeing things from a different lens is an interesting way of explaining your way of looking at the world. People on the spectrum tend to personalize situations by misinterpreting other people's motives and they feel targeted by them. I was diagnosed on the autistic spectrum at the age of thirty-eight. I am now forty-seven but feel about twenty-five to thirty. I think categorizing people very specifically by age doesn't help and compartmentalizes people into boxes which doesn't reflect their true self or soul. I was also told that I have a trait called obsessional-paranoia because I often feel as though people are after me. My inner exploration feels like a mole sifting through molten pieces of magma rock in my mind. It has been an eye opener. It took a couple of years to sink in or even understand what this was. The neurotypicals do down play it I think because it puts them in the back seat as though their success was build upon our weakness so they refuse to except it.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I think I understand what you are saying. I feel we tend to take things personally because we can't read the situation so we assume the worst.
@fideovilm8448
Жыл бұрын
Claire this is my favourite video of yours. Thank you for sharing, I imagine it must feel very exposing. I've not heard other autistic content creators talk about a sense of superiority prior to diagnosis (most report inferiority,) and from the comments your experience has clearly really resonated with a lot of people. I really respect your honesty x
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Yeah sometimes it is hard to say the embarrassing parts of myself but I try to remember that maybe it will help someone. Cause I haven't heard anyone say it either but I know I can't be the only one.
@CynthiaPattonArtist
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for this video. I really appreciated your thoughtful vulnerability about your life before and after the diagnosis. I heard many themes that I recognized from my own journey. ❤
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i am happy it resonated with you
@cupofteawithpoetry
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for another great video Claire 😊😊
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
just glad to have your support
@benjaminhays6156
Жыл бұрын
Thank you! This is VERY helpful, as always.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thanks Benjamin hope you are well
@elainevictoria2785
Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome!
@SilverMoonbeam2
Жыл бұрын
This is one fact that I’m ashamed of and feel so much guilt even tho I don’t think like this anymore: my exposure to conditions of this nature was extremely limited. Also living in a…. Close minded community. The ppl around me were very blunt about their feelings and I think subconsciously I knew this was a perception I needed to avoid. Honestly I avoided ppl with any special needs because I grouped them all as the “r” word. I’m not gonna type it cuz it makes me uncomfortable now. With this condition my mindset has broadened so much. I already identify as an empath so all this new knowledge is making me even more compassionate and less judgmental than I was.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for being so open and sharing this. I feel similarly. I think the important and brave thing is to admit that you were wrong. that is all we can do.
@SilverMoonbeam2
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory I feel like every aspect of my perspective has changed for the better. It’s been a crazy journey of self improvement and self love. I still struggle with the 2nd part ha ha
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
you arent alone i struggle too @@SilverMoonbeam2
@infernalweasal5670
Жыл бұрын
The before definitely a lot of that is definitely me. Still coming to terms with the self diagnosis. I've been able to make a few small changes so far that have helped. Like accepting my sensitivities
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
It takes a long time to change - i know am still changing and growing.
@ginadelfina5887
Жыл бұрын
I really liked the video; I can also relate to being more judgmental as a younger person than now. God has helped me become a lot less judgmental over the years. Anxiety, and trying to look and really perfect is also very relatable.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thank you for sharing
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
I am mostly more accepting of myself since being diagnosed 6 months ago at age 47. I had already been humbled by being treated in the mental health system since age 14.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
ahh yeah that mental health treatment will humble a person
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory They aren't called headshrinkers for nothing! 😅
@erikavaleries
Жыл бұрын
It’s okay to have a good opinion of yourself for your differences and talents. It would be great if people were more open to meet you halfway. I see what you mean, maybe it was a defense mechanism to feel better when you actually felt left out. That is not mean or narcissistic, you felt lonely and confused why! I relate so much to over sharing and wondering why.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
yes i think more people should meet half way
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
I think it is good to have a high opinion of yourself as long as you aren't putting other people down. It is also good to realize your failings. Being balanced can be hard.
@anjachan
Жыл бұрын
Im already disabled with other things ... still didn´t explain some problems I had. But they didn´t care to really check this out. Maybe lazy or overworked doctors, maybe doctors without a clue about autism.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
yes there seems to be a lot of ignorance around autism in the medical world
@erikavaleries
Жыл бұрын
I was diagnosed ADHD in my 30’s which helped a lot. Then I realized that I have EDS & many autistic traits. I’m not able to find a place to be tested for autism yet, but I’m waitlisted. The only difference is I did not have as hard a time with friendships, but maybe because my family was so difficult, everyone else seemed great by comparison. As an adult I struggle with that due to chronic illness. I relate with making friends who were not reciprocal!! Some were frenemies, and I had no idea.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
thank you for sharing
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
I have autism, ADHD and POTS. A doctor said that I probably have EDS. These things often go together.
@benjaminthomas5625
Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing! I’m going through this right now. Will be assessed in October.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i know waiting is hard so hang in there
@benjaminthomas5625
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory I know…it’s driving me nuts!
@julie_uk_
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for this Claire. I'm trying to set more boundaries with myself and say no to things, BUT, also ADHD and often crave new shiny opportunities... These two parts of me don't often line up. I think my most destructive (ableist?) ways are where I think I need to do what I have previously done, ie full steam ahead, with everything. I don't and can't, but sometimes I want to. I also have a chronic illness, so, that mixture is often a wild ride (not...).
@julie_uk_
Жыл бұрын
*age 49 (50 next month! 😮)
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i get it - i also like new and fresh challenges
@DenkyManner
11 ай бұрын
I relate strongly to being judgemental, aloof and wanting to project a 'mysterious' image. It's all very silly but I understand the context of why I was the way I was. I'm about to start the diagnosis process aged 42. Got off to a bad start when my gp appointment got cancelled with half an hour to go.
@WoodshedTheory
11 ай бұрын
yeah i kind of cringe at myself when i think about it - but i suppose it was just part of my journey
@TheWilliamHoganExperience
Жыл бұрын
I had a jerk tell me "You're an adult. You don't get to say you're autistic" What this middle school teacher was really saying was "You're not a cute autistic child, so no emapthy or accomodation for you!" I'm afraid we have a loooong way to go Claire....
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
we have SO FAR to go. hopefully the work we are doing is helping push things in the right direction.
@strictnonconformist7369
Жыл бұрын
The reason I got diagnosed had absolutely nothing to do with how I related to others and the various difficulties involved. I had dyslexia, and meaningful-enough dyspraxia, combined with (not diagnosed until July 2023) ADHD and resulting fairly severe speech problems that required several years of speech therapy to get me to where I am today, where it's still a regular thing that people can't understand some of my pronunciations, and if I'm lucky, they'll not foolishly pretend they understand if they don't. I failed first grade, partially blamed due to vision issues, but then jumped from third to fourth grade, catching back up with my twin sister. I don't believe I really ever masked growing up. I got various labels from the bullies, they thought I was beneath them for intelligence, and one of the words relates to dyspraxia, made worse when pushed into overload by bullies. Here's the thing I suspect separates my story from most: I know that (except for perhaps one incident I can't remember if there was a case of it being for retaliation, where I was not nice... on the bus with teasing) I was never the one causing problems for others, I wasn't calling them names, I wasn't doing anything to anyone to deserve the abuse. Masking throughout K-12 wouldn't have provided me any cover at all, even had I understood any body language or other perhaps social mishaps I unwittingly was involved in: enough of those I attended kindergarten and elementary with were always in the same junior high and high school, and they never forgot about me and their bully nature. I don't believe I tried to mask, as I attributed why I was a target to the previously mentioned issues, and being in special education classes from 7th-12th grade (I believe all junior high and high school students knew where those classrooms were and what that meant) also made any concept of attempting to mask an exercise in insanity. The (amazing to me, now with the perspectives of a 52 year-old man) fact that I seem to have never had anything resembling a personality disorder, PTSD of any kind, anxiety disorder, depression (outside of perhaps the timeframe I got diagnosed, which would perhaps count as situational depression from over a year of unemployment after layoff combined with severe health issues: no drugs involved with counseling for therapeutic reasons) seems to be a statistical quirk, especially in the context of all the bullying I had to endure, as so many who stick out, especially autistics, suffer through, diagnosed or not. Admittedly, after elementary, I didn't spend much time or effort trying to make friends: elementary showed that to be folly to go up to random kids and attempt to get into friend groups. In most cases, from what I observed, I felt like there'd be no kind of common interest. I also had severe time and logistical constraints due to distance traveled, bussing, etc. which made it much harder. There was one real exception for reaching out to be involved with others: Computer Club. In 5th grade computers entered the special interest category, and it has ended up being how I make a living, in big tech at this time. The reason I ended up in a situation where I got handed an unexpected diagnosis at 31 in 2002 (seems that age is a special one for such things, or very close) was, oddly enough, as a result of recognizing I had the issue of what I described as inertia in my larger patterns of behavior to the psychologist that worked in the church's family services. That's the word I used, not knowing it was (pretty sure) in use for autistic behavior even then. At the time of diagnosis, I'd recognized I was in a dangerous low-energy, low-activity state of inertia, which made no logical sense as it had no emotional component attached: I wanted to do things, but... inertia. It wasn't like I didn't want and need to do things, just wasn't something to happen. I had time to review my past behavior, so in some aspects, that insanely stressful chapter of my life was useful, if a harsh mistress with massive losses in life trajectory due to unemployment. I recognized in my past, there were also times of high-energy, high-activity, where I couldn't seem to readily stop. I'd work over 50 hours a week, do church social activities, watch TV, and do an insane amount of reading, staying up way too late at night, and stumbling off to work, very sleep-deprived. I had an interesting event happen that got my attention, and it scared me. I'd gone too long like that. One day at work, I sat down in my rolling chair at my desk and computer, leaning forward, only my feet touching the floor, and butt in the chair, fingers suspended lightly on home row of the computer keyboard, arms touching nothing. I felt horribly tired, felt some weird sensations, decided "I'll just rest my eyes for a moment." Yeah. It wasn't a moment they were closed. I have no idea how long it was, just a minimum duration. A coworker (can't remember if she was my supervisor at the time) had walked into the office area (separated from the rest of my team by hundreds of feet, industrial setting) and discovered me. She had gone and grabbed other coworkers, which led credibility to my thinking her claims she'd been yelling at me for several minutes (I forget if she said ten) was more likely true than not. When I became aware of my name being called, I was exactly in the pose when I had "momentarily" rested my eyes. I hadn't budged a millimeter, or I might have lost balance, likely leave the computer with a long stream of keypresses. I was perfectly stiff, paralyzed. I couldn't have held that pose like that if I were conscious. It took a number of seconds to get myself un-paralyzed. I'd puzzled over that for decades (this was around 1994) and I've found via asking in the right places and doing research, that was perhaps one of the most visible and spectacular manifestations of an autistic shutdown you'll see, in plain sight, no apparent logical reason. It was fairly short as far as they go, apparently, but no seizure of any known type could explain it, and it doesn't seem to fit with catatonia. It happened without more than a few seconds warning, which I didn't recognize. Regardless of exactly where in the spectrum I was recognized as being at that time, remembering meltdowns as a little kid, that, and very recently, autistic burnout (which I had no idea was something adults had as something to worry about: I remember reading about autistic regression in little kids in near-term post-diagnosis) is far more than enough proof to tell me: yup, I'm autistic, I have ADHD (made impossible to dispute, based on drug results) to add to that. And I hit some hard limits recently, as shown via burnout. Ok, time to buckle down to figure out how to avoid hitting those limits, out of self-preservation: meltdowns (very rare for me, as I'd never allowed anyone to keep me from stimming from when I was young) seem mostly harmless for neurological side-effects. I can't tell if there are people misusing shutdowns when they mean burnout, but it sounds like shutdowns and burnouts can both cause lasting damage in leaving you with losing skills and abilities, possibly permanently. With having different body language, I could largely ignore that and shrug that off as not being disabling, just different. But that burnout (for sure) and possibly shutdowns could cause loss of skills, including some losing speech, possibly permanently, well... I can't logically accept that qualifying as a significant disability, legally and otherwise, and just add it to my other ones to keep them company so they don't feel lonely ;) So, diagnosis has helped by providing names for issues that cause problems, so I can figure out how to work around them, identify what will likely be some quirk I can accept as a difference from what most of the world's neurology does naturally, that may not work for me, or be much harder. Other than that, it hasn't changed how I relate to others: I'm still the same person I've always been, someone most people can't understand naturally. I've come to learn to those that are sufficiently perceptive and have enough understanding, I'm easily recognized almost instantly, or at least in a very short time as being autistic. I only heard that from my climbing partner of 7 years in the last few months. Huh. So much for even thinking of working too hard at masking, clearly I fail hard at lying about my true nature! 😂😂😂 Working with a psych Nurse Practitioner for ADHD meds, I wrote up a document, snd stated I'm neither proud of my audhd neurology or ashamed of it, my objective is simply to figure out how to make the best use of it to greatest advantage. It's not logical to mask (perhaps certain dangerous environments you minimize time in where you have reason to fear becoming a target) as that leads to burnout, and not stimming, masking is logically suicide in slow motion, and I've never been suicidal. To Hell with worrying too much what others think: this is self-preservation, and nobody on earth is worth that, maybe a very short-term masking to get out of danger, but masking to satisfy the sensibilities of others over time, forget about it. If they feel uncomfortable watching me stimming, mostly flat affect, perhaps monotone voice, they can either suffer quietly or they can leave. I'm not a dog they can tell to perform tricks. I've been stuck bending over backwards to the arbitrary expectations of others for too long.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
Hi there, I wanted to make sure to respond to you and let you know that of course your experience is valid. All autistic people are different and our experiences are different as well. It seems like you are going in the right direction for your own journey. thanks for sharing i know it will help someone
@strictnonconformist7369
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory the general pattern I've observed is late-identified autistics seem most likely to have gotten there as a side-effect of a crisis, based on the preponderance of stories I have found. And around 30 seems to be a pivotal time, for various reasons, which I find fascinating. Thanks for responding!
@hollieverafter
Жыл бұрын
Such a good video! Thank you for sharing this. Perfectionism, always pushing myself (partly because I have always been 'successful' in endeavors I put my mind to and partly because of external expectations), not ever really fitting in. I feel all this so deeply. Riddle me this, how did you gain control of your anxiety? Like, just by understanding or by making incremental changes? At what point did you realize the career path/lifestyle you were part of wasn't serving you authentically? Was it hard to transition to the peaceful life you now lead? As you can probably surmise, I'm at the cusp of all this and unsure how to move forward. I'm afraid of acting too quickly and also of continuing with aspects that do not serve me as a whole. I suppose I fear 'ending' something I could learn to work with jsut as much as I am afraid of not recognizing my true limitations for balance.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i would say my anxiety isnt completely gone - not at all - just a major improvement - it came with medication, therapy, self-reflection, understanding, building relationships with other neurodiverse people, and time. yes, it was a hard transition but it was workth it.
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
Claire, I had problems keeping secrets when I was younger as well. It was terrible to hold on to a secret. Now I can keep secrets.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i'm glad i am not alone in this
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory 💚
@jackd.rifter3299
Жыл бұрын
I will be honest and say I didn't watch the whole video yet, but I will say I always knew I was "different" but I didn't know how or why I was different until a couple of years ago when every person in the psychology field asked "have you ever been diagnosed autistic? It's obvious and I don't know why you weren't diagnosed sooner". My family hid it from me because it was an "embarrassment" to them. Yet I was a dictionary and encyclopedia to them. I honestly wasn't treated well and still am not by them so I made the tough choice to break away from blood.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I'm sorry you weren't treated well. I hear stories of people who weren't told by their families and honestly i think it's terrible to keep that from someone just to make yourself feel better
@jackd.rifter3299
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory Honestly, the only kids I got along with in school were the "special ed" class because we seemed to understand each other better than the kids that weren't in those classes. I probably would have more confidence in myself and such if I had the opportunity to be exposed to more people like me.
@SmallSpoonBrigade
Жыл бұрын
Yep, I'm 42+ years and counting. I can get just about every possible misdiagnosis possible, but they don't see the autism. It's the one diagnosis that unites all the diagnoses I've been given. The literal only people that I've ever related to are autistic, the usual autism tests were very high, but somehow I'm not autistic. I'm looking forward to the PTSD and BPD diagnoses and the ability to jump up and declare bingo. Because I've had all the other diagnoses, so those two must be the last ones to fill out my card. They just really need for this to be psychiatric, when it so clearly is not psychiatric. Just the entire way that my brain is structured is different. I'd have a much easier time buying then it's not autism thing if they'd just say, brain damage from an early age that impacted neural development. AKA PDD-NOS, which conveniently enough no longer exists. Sigh, it's really about time that the diagnostic process gets taken away from psychiatrists and psychologists and handed to neurologists that at least have the tools and interest to develop real methods of figuring it out. This is something that impacts just about the entire brain in one fashion or another, it seems reasonable that you'd see it in the actual structure and functioning of the brain itself. Even if it does turn out to have multiple different ways of showing up. Ultimately, I'm not giving up on this until I get an appropriate diagnosis and plan of action to address this stuff. I've already been giving myself a bunch of quality of life improvement, effectively being forever barred from accommodations and whatever future treatment and assistive technology does develop is an issue. We all just need to keep pushing for the medical community to care about all the autistic people, not just the ones that are obviously autistic. And for there to be diagnoses to cover the things that they don't want to include, as just because something "isn't autism" doesn't mean that it's not a big deal and life impacting.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
I think you are right, there needs to be an overhaul in the diagnostic process.
@SmallSpoonBrigade
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory I've got a referral over to neurology, so when I'm there about the sensory integration problems, I'll see if they've got anybody that's more experienced at making this sort of diagnosis. But yeah, the whole thing is a hot mess right now with people getting treatment or not purely based on when the diagnosis was made rather than the severity or type of symptoms. And in my case, I'm at a disadvantage just because of how little I remember of my life and how few records there are of me from early on.
@cassielee1114
Жыл бұрын
I’m holding off on pursuing a diagnosis for a long time. I don’t want to use the NHS (UK), I don’t trust that diagnoses aren’t just best guesses depending on what route you start at, I think the research is coming on fast but I’m really hoping there will be a more definite test (AI?) of neurodiversity that’s accessible to the regular public at some point in my life. Another option is get rich and pay to go through the diagnostic process at multiple centres 😅
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
The neurologists I have been to were useless. I am hoping that as time goes on they will find more and more neurological reasons for autism and mental illnesses. Then neither psychology or neurology can deny the problems.
@Chloe1sylvester1234
Жыл бұрын
I thought it was bad I was diagnosed at 19yr. I had OCD bad before I was diagnosed to.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
yeah it's common to have both
@johnbillings5260
7 ай бұрын
I just tested yesterday. I'm pretty confident that I passed - or is it failed? 😊 It definitely has decreased my stress level when I start to feel overwhelmed by giving my brain a pass. I can only control so much of the stimuli. It also feels like it takes the stress off of trying to relax. You have to love that paradox. I also feel more of a capability of advocating for myself when I know I need or don't need something to feel better and not have to feel like I'm being childish.
@WoodshedTheory
7 ай бұрын
john - i hope the test went ok - i was very nervous for mine
@luciabertinat274
5 ай бұрын
Mmm this is the first video where I can’t relate. I never felt better or special compared to others. I always felt not enough to fit, like something is lacking in me to be at their level, I don’t have the manual to be normal and truly connected, and I always was aware that the issue was with me. Anyone else felt that way too?
@WoodshedTheory
5 ай бұрын
thanks for pointing out how it was different for you. we are all different and that is great! i am sure others will share your experience.
@luciabertinat274
5 ай бұрын
Thanks Claire@@WoodshedTheory
@crystallefay
4 ай бұрын
47 just got diagnosed
@WoodshedTheory
4 ай бұрын
welcome!
@vazzaroth
Жыл бұрын
Life is a process... and here I was thinking life was a boat! (Somehow I think this reference will hit with the autist demographic )
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
i dont get it im sorry :(
@vazzaroth
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheory It's an anime, Bleach, ending and also a really good song! Look it up! :) (Life is like a Boat)
@melissa23347
Жыл бұрын
❤
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
yay!
@FirstmaninRome
Жыл бұрын
aw Claire, had to think on this one a bit... Yeah, I still kinda think I'm doing a little better thought wise than other people, lol. No, I think you have develop defenses as an undiagnosed person. A type of narcissism, but Everyone is like this, so It's an overblown thing in pop psychology circles if you ask me. Me and you had to have kinda a covert narcissism maybe, and people that have Lower theory of mind actually have a much more effective type of Overt narcissism, my dad for instance. But I'm most pissed if I do have covert narcissism, how ineffective it is, seems to just make it worse, If indeed that's what it is. These Overt narcists though, they really do feel great, lol. again, I think everybody has some this going on, it's not very useful.
@WoodshedTheory
Жыл бұрын
hmm i hadn't really viewed it as covert narcissism - i'm not sure about that
@FirstmaninRome
Жыл бұрын
me neither...I been thinking about it too much... "Thinking too much is a disease " Dostoyevsky@@WoodshedTheory
@FirstmaninRome
Жыл бұрын
Claire , I just ran across this kzitem.info/news/bejne/uXt6ypVvbH-QoJw algorithmically, don't really like this narcissism is everywhere lady too much, I would say it's more common than she suggests, via knowing my dad and about elon musk and most the college professors I"ve known
@Catlily5
Жыл бұрын
@@WoodshedTheoryI think autism can come across as narcissism at times but they are not the same thing.
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