Even telling a new partner about past narcissistic abuse can bite you in the ass later. You never know what someone will do with the information you tell them. Be discerning or be screwed over.
@sonja7halcyon
Жыл бұрын
Yup! I made that mistake. The traditional love-bombing suddenly disappeared at the start after I discussed narcissism briefly in passing. I didn't put 2 + 2 together until well after it ended. And then after doing more research realised he had actually switched to the vulnerable narcissists' method of love-bombing which is the victim and trauma stories to get you to feel sorry for them and extend compassion very early on.
@SagittariusBabe87
Жыл бұрын
Good advice👍 I'll rmr this going forward with the next to person I meet, and be careful what I say.
@agatamakulska4442
8 ай бұрын
This is what I was thinking, just share very little. I talk too much and I am quite open so I am learning to share less personal stuff.
@julieb3432
2 жыл бұрын
"None of us are immune. The danger comes when we think we are." So true!! It happened to me, too. When I started learning about narcissistic abuse, I got cocky. I let my guard down and got manipulated by another narcissist. Now, I'm more careful.
@lisakeppel6977
2 жыл бұрын
You either have the hooks or you don't
@brimstone33
2 жыл бұрын
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
@Richard-vq7ud
2 жыл бұрын
@@brimstone33 fool me 10 times...what the hell?!!
@Richard-vq7ud
2 жыл бұрын
Exactly, if we have learned anything at all, it is that anyone can be targeted and destroyed by these creatures, and that includes us who have recovered over and over. I was victim of soulmates, best friend, workplace, and now family. It really does not end.
@michignamymichigan
2 жыл бұрын
They are everywhere, beware. 🧡
@minnesoso
2 жыл бұрын
"if anyone rushes us, or denies our reality, we can cut bait." this. thank you.
@Ellie_100
2 жыл бұрын
1. Be Alert 2. Be mindful 3. Be okay in setting your boundaries early 4. Take a step back when things don’t feel okay 5. Self awareness Thank you Dr Ramani for your reminders! 💕
@greylizard1040
2 жыл бұрын
YES. They are like mosquitos. You think you've covered yourself in enough bug spray or clothing, narcissists are everywhere and will find the smallest unprotected area to suck a little bit of your life out from. It's not your fault, and you can't go through life extremely paranoid of everyone, it's just kind of inevitable.
@SybilKibble
2 жыл бұрын
so much this, just swarming around looking for their next supply. a number is all we are to them
@Richard-vq7ud
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, there is only so much bug spay we can use. It really is inevitable. I have been fighting soulmates, best friend, workplace, and now family. It never ends.
@lisarodriguez6966
2 жыл бұрын
This is an excellent way of putting it. The hardest thing for me was acknowledging my part in letting my boundaries get challenged and systematically broken.
@jamiestumps6146
2 жыл бұрын
Amen, Thank you Dr. Rameni, Good Word!
@greylizard1040
2 жыл бұрын
@@lisarodriguez6966 Yeah, they move so fast sometimes, that it's undetectable because you don't even have time to assess what's happening. Especially if you have something they want and they can tell you are catching onto them. It's very mosquito-like. They are really good at sensing other people's empathy and will play on that very quickly, then they have what they want and are gone before you even know what hit you.
@Bpdbryan
2 жыл бұрын
i think we need to remember that it’s not just romantic relationships in our lives. we still may end up getting in abusive relationships if we aren’t careful, relationships that are friends, work colleagues or even new family members.
@Molly-eq1ix
2 жыл бұрын
SO very true!!! Narcs lurk in so many of our paths.
@bitchenboutique6953
2 жыл бұрын
Yup. Mine was a dear friend who was perfectly wonderful for over a decade and then BOOM. Nothing has ever hurt as much as that relationship. But it helped me identify the other N relationships in my life.
@sassa-fras2892
2 жыл бұрын
Yes. Especially family members!!
@BlinkinFirefly
2 жыл бұрын
So true. Sad but true. I'm not dating now. I'm talking to people, and being very cautious, but no dating. I realize that I gotta find people who completely resonate with me and only bring me joy. Some of my clients are narcs, and it has me so wary of them lol.
@Richard-vq7ud
2 жыл бұрын
@@sassa-fras2892 everytime i read about family members i never thought i had that problem, but as it turns out i do.
@kzf8978
2 жыл бұрын
My sister in law and I were married to brothers, both narcissists. My died 10 months ago and she divorced hers. We've made a pact to watch out for each other dealing with this going forward.
@cmsbeth
2 жыл бұрын
Good grief! I can totally relate. I swore off relationships while healing and found the "perfect job". I literally begged for the job and, although my qualifications were more than adequate, I accepted a lower pay rate due to location. Boss DID exhibit red flags; but, I was focused on narcissism in personal relationships. It's just a job, right? 10 hours is not the whole day, right? Augh! Now that I "see dead people"...they are everywhere.
@nancyzehr3679
2 жыл бұрын
Me too!! I quit via an Irish goodbye. Eyes wide open now.
@Molly-eq1ix
2 жыл бұрын
We must have had the same boss...I had him a while back so he probably used me for training. I too didn't negotiate salary...I had a degree and earned much less than my coworkers who had none. I was in a narc marriage, raised by narc parents. I so didn't know better. I think I had a bullseye on my back. I can say I know better now but THIS GIRL isn't going to be cocky!!!!
@nancyzehr3679
2 жыл бұрын
@@Molly-eq1ix haha! Mine was a she. Fancy attorney. I started as a fill in, then she just moved me around where the office needed help. After 3 months I was her assistant, exclusively. 3 months later I was actually hired (?) with no discussion of pay. 6 months later she made my peers cry in fear and shame over something she claimed we did. When,in correcting the issue, I realized it was she, I left. Gave my vacation time as notice. No way could I sit with her there knowing I had quit.
@Molly-eq1ix
2 жыл бұрын
@@nancyzehr3679 Hey...you were much stronger than I was! I only got out because I lost my voice and had to take disability because I was on the phone 10 hours a day. Even then, the boss and HR dept questioned my issues saying they were used to dealing with people "who had REAL disabilities."
@nancyzehr3679
2 жыл бұрын
@@Molly-eq1ix Thats awful! I was scared to miss. we were capped at 40 hr, but we all worked 50+. I was ok w most everything, but when she made people cry (not me, tho she tried), that was it. I cannot support a bad guy.
@BrownGirlFromBoston
2 жыл бұрын
Despite doing the inner work and being part of the healing group, I had let my guard down recently but got out the situation quicker than my marriage. I realize that cockiness will get you back into the vicious cycle of narc abuse. I'm constantly alert for red flags, placing boundaries, and dismissing narcs from my life.
@kimthomas781
2 жыл бұрын
So glad you scooted out of another bad choice. Sounds like serious progress to me.
@DawnFrankoDays
Жыл бұрын
I’m just free from a Narcissist. After nearly 3 years of (Mind F….) your channel has provided a welcome friend x
@Zer0rchestra
2 жыл бұрын
When Dr. Ramani alluded to her still getting fooled despite her obvious knowledge on narcissism, it reminded me of a quote from Socrates, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing”.
@meena6070
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Ramani, I just started listening to you. I am super grateful for you. I am 56 yrs old, I could not understand why I couldn’t make my mother happy and why she hates me. I felt hole in my heart, I missed parental love . Then I got married to someone who was emotionally, physically abusive. After listening to you so many of my doubts cleared out. Thank you for your efforts to heal our community. If you are taking new patients, please let me know. Meena
@aliceroberts1980
2 жыл бұрын
Same here it still hurts my mother is a narcissist
@sll110
2 жыл бұрын
@@aliceroberts1980 me too
@Jae-by3hf
2 жыл бұрын
Same Meena, my mother was so cruel to me! I’m so glad that you have found Dr Ramani! Good luck on your journey, I wish you so much peace 💞🫂
@elinor6525
2 жыл бұрын
Check out Dr Ramini's other workshops and forums for more in depth counsel. This youtube channel is not her only outlet online
@geraldfriend256
2 жыл бұрын
She has been lifesaving, check out Dr Les Carter too.Also Mental Healness is excellent for a non- doctor. I am 59 myself, better late than never to learn why we made the life choices we did.Good luck going forward Meena!
@Veronica-xu4id
2 жыл бұрын
My narcissist was once my therapist. He looked like a god to me. Since he had saved me in therapy - I really thought so - I believed he would never hurt me like others did before. But as we started dating the whole world slowly started to crumble. I was living in a nightmare. It took me one year to realise who I was dealing with and now, after months of silence, I still feel completely lost. Like I’ll never be able to love again.
@80islandia
2 жыл бұрын
Oh god! That sounds awful. Any therapist who would build trust and then violate boundaries through dating former clients sounds like a sinister piece of work looking to mess with people’s minds. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
@learningenglishthroughtran8540
2 жыл бұрын
I once believed that Christians love you because of God. But now I think people who are on a holy mission are horrible. I run away from people who want to include you as their good deeds. These people are very negative and abusive.
@katehere9783
2 жыл бұрын
@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 Not me. A good deed is a good deed. I don't care what religion, colour, or whatever they are. Some Christians are "holy-rollers" because they're trying to save people. So their motive is good. Can't say they all do it in love however. But that can apply to anyone, not just Christians IMHO
@sunflower7532
2 жыл бұрын
Fell for a therapist and a ‘religious’ person. Flying Monkeys swallowed it whole too. But he was exposed after I escaped using a woman’s refuge. It’s disappointing. But labels, titles, education etc are no substitute for due diligence and our own awareness.
@alexatkins9515
2 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry this happened to you! I try my best when I meet people to look at things objectively and the fact your therapist would pursue you I would perceive as a red flag. I had an incident similar where it was a therapist that tried to befriend me I got so caught up in her being a therapist thinking no way she could be unhealthy or toxic. I learned really quickly someone having a degree doesn’t always mean they are emotionally mature.
@janeloraine6231
2 жыл бұрын
I have significant trust issues following lots of N abuse. Now, it sounds like it's time to refrain that as wisdom. Thanks Dr. Ramani!🧡
@survivor2530
2 жыл бұрын
Same here.Im so much more aware now, thanks to Dr Ramani but really dont trust myself to not get hooked in by another Narc. Id rather be on my own than end up with another Narc
@janeloraine6231
2 жыл бұрын
Oops, I meant REFRAME.
@violad7979
2 жыл бұрын
After being through it, then diagnosed with PTSD.. i feel more fearful than hopeful. All I want is to be able to tell and stand in my truth but it is unsafe to even do that. I'm more careful and cautious than I've ever been in my life, taking baby steps..
@nicoleestella7967
2 жыл бұрын
You can do this. Healing hurts and is hard, but you have this. Hugs
@annajacewicz224
2 жыл бұрын
I can relate! I feel unsafe all the time… for me is so energy draining… it’s so hard to live in this state of fear and constant alert though. Does anyone have thoughts or advise?
@sll110
2 жыл бұрын
@@annajacewicz224 me too
@sll110
2 жыл бұрын
@@annajacewicz224 I think just careful, so It's totally ok
@learningenglishthroughtran8540
2 жыл бұрын
Do not have your path cross those who are not supposed to be in your schedule. Do not associate people who are not relevant to you. If you have a job, limit your relationships to your job, and work with the rules. Do not play with relationships. Do not get from relationships. Have a normal life. You need happiness and fun, but not addiction and bondage. Have a sense of freedom inside you. You have passion for life and work. That would be enough. Do not seek what you should not. Rule out people who should not be in your life. Have a sense of boundary.
@Bornintoclusterb
2 жыл бұрын
Slow and steady. What great advice. It’s easy to get cocky, especially when you’ve learned so much. Thank you Dr Ramani. Tell me, what would we do without you?✨✨
@tylervile2578
2 жыл бұрын
That's right! Another reason to not get cocky is that survivors can also perpetrate abuse, whether they're narcissists or not. You don't need an NPD diagnosis to act your trauma out on someone else. My most recent ex and I are both survivors multiple times over, and for a while, it was loving, supportive, and communicative. We were long distance, and during our first visit, they had a big existential crisis about whether or not they could be in a romantic relationship. Mind you, this came out of nowhere. After that, everything I did reminded them of an abusive ex, so they started picking fights and stonewalling. I eventually had to end it, that was a couple months ago. Was this person a narcissist? I don't think so. Were they abusive? Hell yes! So, yes, we're all vulnerable and we're all capable of abuse. It doesn't mean no one is safe, it means stay aware and accountable.
@BlinkinFirefly
2 жыл бұрын
Ugh, so sorry that happened :L Some people think they're ready to go back into a relationship when they didn't fully heal. Sounds like your ex was either that kind of person, or a narc lol. But good thing it ended quickly rather than got dragged out. We gotta heal ourselves completely first! And on top of healing, we must learn healthy communication and conflict resolution skills. I agree, Tyler, stay aware and accountable
@elizaveta2407
2 жыл бұрын
hmm, sounds like covert narcissism to me. If narcissism is on a spectrum, this person might not be a full blown narc, but still be a narc imo.
@angelapierce7934
Жыл бұрын
Wow thanks for this reminder
@011silbermond
Жыл бұрын
I became more aware that I have so much to learn. Avoided so much and always ducked my head that I became super isolated, I didn´t even see how I did that to myself, just retraumatizing myself because my abuse was never validated by my mother and brother (they live in their happy emotional incest bond without me while I stumble around alone). So it makes perfect sense that I would sabotage things without an understanding what my part in this is. Somehow I´m glad that by accident got the feedback about an ex that he really was or is a vulnerable narc, that he started to whine about sth I allegedly did to him. He was the only man I ever met in a bar and who drank (at all) even until he started to be ugly, but I rarely went with him. These are the things where I now think, okay, keep that in mind, maybe sth similar happens later in life. 😬😬
@Jae-by3hf
2 жыл бұрын
I was softly reminded of this when I met a guy recently and I almost fell for it! He was very charming and appeared to be a “great” dad, but he uses his children to make him look good and I can already see him doing the golden child and scapegoat routine too! I’m a Spiritual person and I felt like it was a message from Spirit to remind me to not be too cocky, despite having my MA in childhood narcissistic abuse! I’m still human, we are all human and it’s not always obvious as well! Take it steady and don’t rush, what is for us will never pass us and if someone is for us, we can take things slowly and get to know one other in a consistent and healthy way!
@Sezfluffy
2 жыл бұрын
My Dad is a narc and always knows how to stick the golden knife in. I have just finished an incredible teaching placement and done well, so he rang me to insinuate I was gay. I am at 42 making the final cut as it's very scary growing up with such a person. You always have to do your due diligence at work too because there are many colleagues acting out childhood trauma, and as an empath I now no longer tell anyone my life or stories and do my work quietly. A private life is a great life .
@sallyhu9170
Жыл бұрын
Yes totally agree
@mjgreenidge
2 жыл бұрын
Yes! Mindfulness and self- awareness is key. The behavior shows up in not just romantic relationships but workplace family, etc. So the key is to take your time and get to know people.
@nikkinorton8310
2 жыл бұрын
It's not an addiction. It's not unwilling to have boundaries or unable to see red flags. It's like sexual Assault. The perp has the shame, blame and should have the consequences. It's like the domestic violence cases. Why didn't she leave, should not be the question. The question should be why and how do these people get by with abuse? You can't say that you will never be sexually assaulted again, just because you won't wear shorts or dresses, because that was the blame that was put on you the first time. Rapist are about control, not sex drive. It's the same thing with this sort of abuse. It's about their control. Not about anything you do or don't do.
@helenduffy6642
2 жыл бұрын
Yes it is all about control and you don't see the red if you do you sort if dismiss it as you don't understand what's going on. Their so convincing everything your fault. I have had years of abuse but it's only since lockdown they are talking about domestic violence. These talks are very good Dr Ramani. It's only ppl in these relationships that know how painful it us.
@nikkinorton8310
2 жыл бұрын
@@helenduffy6642 I definitely believe in education on narcissistic behaviors. When I was in high school we knew nothing about date rape or stalking, and nothing about coersive control and it was happening all around us. Now that we know better, we need to stop the abuse. The only way that I have seen effective stopping of narcissistic behaviors is through education of many, and bystanders becoming upstanders.
@kit2564
2 жыл бұрын
@@nikkinorton8310 I CANT IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE IN LOCK DOWN WITH A NARCISSIST....SPEAKING OF NARCISISSTS, KIM DUMPED PETE WHO IS NOW IN THERAPY....
@nikkinorton8310
2 жыл бұрын
@@kit2564 I can't imagine what it would be like In lockdown with a narcissist either. I'm certainly glad I didn't have to do that. Me, myself and I was hard enough. I don't know Kim or Pete.
@LoveAuntAshley
2 жыл бұрын
That's why I don't do the "right thing" and "forgive and forget." Because I know with me it leaves me wide open to start trying to justify peoples toxic behavior and the cycle will repeat. And I'm trying to break the cycle so forgiving, forgetting, enabling and justifying just ain't gonna work for this gal.
@suzanneflowers2230
2 жыл бұрын
We will always have vulnerabilities because our histories are so ingrained in us. We have to know ourselves and what presses our buttons. So important.
@estelle9414
2 жыл бұрын
Your sobriety example is exactly the equivalent that came to mind for me immediately! We need to be vigilant. We need to be aware of our vulnerabilities, be humble enough to know that the same things can happen again, even in a different flavor or form. Use your toolbox you've filled. Be happy in your recovery. Never forget the past because it is bound to repeat itself if you do. You are right on, as usual. Much love!! Great, Dr. Ramani!
@AJ-wt4ux
2 жыл бұрын
Some of the things that get us caught again are so deep-seated that I don’t think we are conscious of them. It’s the ocean swim we can handle - until we hit that powerful, hidden riptide.
@jannlewandowski5540
2 жыл бұрын
Hi Dr Ramani. It took me a couple years just to realize I no longer love or miss him. I kept myself busy, I read self help books and I started feeling stronger both mentally & physically. This was 11 years ago. In the past 11 years, I have met narcissistic men and women at work and on the outside. I AVOID them, and I never attend a night out with them, even though I'm asked to join them. I have NORMAL friends now, and I have an INVISIBLE SHIELD around me. Dr Ramani, I can tell just by speaking to these people. Listen to WHAT they are saying, and WATCH how they act. It works for me. GREAT TOPIC!
@tammyfitzgerald5336
Жыл бұрын
These men craxy 😂
@jinxkrug7000
2 жыл бұрын
The montra " Never say never again " is so very, very true. Hubris is our downfall. Confidence is different. But what attracted us once can happen again. After a lifetime of narcissism with parents, friends and a spouse of 45 years by the time the horrific divorce was done, I realized that I could easily be fooled again. Let's face it, in the beginning it is exciting. And who doesn't want that? But it will end and we will be entangled again. I don't trust myself enough to try again. Plus I really don't want to end up taking care of an old Narcissist. They are worse,more demanding and grumpier than the young ones. Comfortable is great, but can become boring if we let it. Then the trap is set again. The comparison of the addict is great Dr. Ramani. One drink, one cigarette is all it takes. Then hooked again. Just can't bear it again. When you have survived once, think about what that was truly like and vow to not get trapped again and pay attention to what it was in you that attracted you to this in the first place, and be ever vigilant. Having gone through a lifetime of this ,the worst time of my life, I don't think that I could or would survive it again! 🤔🙄😥❤
@leegorringe5580
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Ramani Thank you for this video. Makes me think of a loving mother who is about to cross a busy cityatreet with her child. She would urge the child to check left and right very carefully Take a few steps onto the busy street and continue to watch for oncoming traffic And then still carefully keeping an eye on traffic the child crossed the street. So much wisdom So much warmth So much consideration and generosity Thank you Dr Ramani From Stockholm
@AK-us5rw
2 жыл бұрын
Yes! I’ve said to myself before “they’re like viruses that mutate” 😂 it’s so true! After you leave one narc and think you’ve got it another narcissist comes along and the traits present differently. That’s why you have to take your time to observe behavior.
@jm2307
2 жыл бұрын
So much of privileged cultures is a belief that you are above it all. It’s evident in race, class, gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc etc. A holier than thou mindset is absolutely dangerous but people find a lot of comfort in it. It’s also the primary way that abuse thrives. Keep those unaffected by something in a placated state so the rest can play a game of cat and mouse. The levels of manipulation in this world & the number of ways to fall prey to them are absolutely wild.
@mostlyends
2 жыл бұрын
I am cocky. I threw a lawsuit at my father last month so I could get back my property: photo albums, yearbooks, dog cremains, keepsakes, sentimental stuff. Stuff I specifically saved forever but left in his warehouse for safe keeping when I thought he had changed. He hired an attorney. We argued. In a few hours, I'm driving 800 miles to get my stuff tomorrow at 5pm. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and boy have I been a naughty wheel the past three years. But I want my PTSD to calm down. I want to sleep without night sweats, kicking, and screaming. I believe once I get this last connection to my family separated and have no reason to think about them then I will finally be heading towards freedom again. I tried to forget about my stuff for years and was constantly reminded of it. Had it been destroyed then at least I could mourn and move on but this is like having a child held hostage.
@geraldfriend256
2 жыл бұрын
Luv it. Git yo shtt and split You know the score.Don’t take no shtt or more importantly, don’t take the bait.Whooo!
@kimthomas781
2 жыл бұрын
@@geraldfriend256 yes. What Gerald said. Get and split. 🎯🎯🎯
@GullerudGallery
2 жыл бұрын
It's hard when you think you're with one of your final good friends and that person puts you down to such a degree you have to walk away .. 💔 yet again! I let my guard down because I didn't expect the disrespect. You're right. You have to be diligent every day. It's sad but that is reality.
@naomiecooper2358
2 жыл бұрын
Please take care of yourself, I love your videos and I pray you are feeling well. 💕
@vibezmissi
Жыл бұрын
"The danger comes when we think we are immune" - real real talk
@T-ct1223
2 жыл бұрын
After 25 years of difficult times and now healing. I’m sailing racing again. But found a caption who is narcissistic. Doing the front deck with a new team member and one novice and no wind he called me after the race saying it was his worst race of his life and it’s all my fault! He called me that evening and for an hour screamed it is my fault we lost. Thank God for having been part of your healing sessions. I did DEEP. Then the next race he kept say what a good job I’m doing. It’s like a guy punching you in the face then bring you flowers. What is interesting is I kept wanting to fall back and blame me and believe his accusations. It was a constant talking to myself to not believe me that I know that was just attack to try control me. I have a long way to go because for days afterwards I had a knot in my stomach. Thank you for helping so many of us.
@jonhoi2591
2 жыл бұрын
I certainly needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏🏽
@dianajane6185
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani. Every sentence is meaningful on its own. You know, “catfishing” comes to mind. In any event, we must give the flash of any red flag 🚩 our informed attention. Those little signs are what we have to go on and must be included in our awareness. ❤️
@Eighties-Jadie
2 жыл бұрын
Today's video about healing reminded me of one of my favourite quotes, "The wound is the place where the light enters you," by Rumi. I absolutely love this quote but I also realise that fresh wounds are still vulnerable and in need of tender loving care in order to not get infected. Don't let any narcissists back into your life or put up with toxic behaviour from anyone especially when healing where we need to grow strong in order to move on. Don't let them back in to infect your life with their toxicity and drama. Keep those wounds clean and your mind clear from further manipulation attempts in the form of hoovering and love bombs. Stay safe Dr Ramani and everyone and have a beautiful day ☀️
@shiloh7344
2 жыл бұрын
Aloha🌺 This quote from Rumi has been a powerful concept in my life for years. Due to my current situation, personal history and intergenerational family history, I often say that I heal with an open wound. There is too much damage to repair and more may come, so I seek to let both pain and loss move through me while welcoming the 'light that enters,' as well. I integrate all I learn into my philosophy of love, pain, purpose, evil and other aspects of life. I both rest in stillness and seek higher ground, where the light goes deeper. I highly recommend the work of Khalil Gibran, Viktor Frankl and Kazimierz Dabrowski.🦋
@Eighties-Jadie
2 жыл бұрын
@@shiloh7344 Your comment is very beautifully written ❤️ I've always loved life quotes and especially the Rumi one ✨ I also love some of Khalil Gibran quotes but haven't heard of the other two you mentioned so will check those out too. Thanks again so much 🦋
@JaneNewAuthor
2 жыл бұрын
Yes! I'm recovering, but I made a new friend recently. Realised she was a bit too keen. She'd drop in with a coffee, which was nice, but one day I didn't hear her knock and she walked in through the unlocked back door! And she gossips about mutual acquaintances, and tells me how she has to "teach her daughter a lesson". Her daughter is a married woman with her own children. Not adding up to a person I want to be with in any way.
@Eighties-Jadie
2 жыл бұрын
@@JaneNewAuthor I'm very wary of people who constantly gossip about others because I'm sure they're also gossiping about me to other people behind my back too. Never share any secrets with gossipy people unless you want it broadcast everywhere. Listen to your gut instincts because if she's making you feel uncomfortable there's a reason. What she said about teaching her daughter a lesson is disturbing and I feel bad for what her daughter's childhood must have been like living with someone like that if she's still trying to control a fully grown adult woman with her own children. People like that are dangerous and to be avoided completely
@JaneNewAuthor
2 жыл бұрын
@Jadie, I totally agree. She has another daughter who won't speak to her at all, a definite red flag in this case.
@BigH_4
Жыл бұрын
I love the fact that Dr. Ramani doesn’t even bother to fix her hair one bit I seriously love this woman with a passion Dr. Ramani you must be like the least narcissistic person in the world you are the absolute best thank you for saving all of our lives ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@desouzarm
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr Ramani. "Dont get cocky" is another of saying "Be humble" Very wise advice. God bless you
@gloriacoleman7012
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you aunty Ramani, that is a term of endearment, you got to remember narcs are really crafty.
@sarahfretwell557
2 жыл бұрын
I never post comments but thank you Dr Ramani. I am 54, the only child of a covert/vulnerable narcissistic mother, an enabling father (possibly also a grandiose narcissist ) and I have been battling confusion (and everything in between that you explain with such extraordinary and reassuring clarity) for years. Thank you for helping me regain my life. My (adult) children thank you too. (Even though they might not know it yet.) You have literally saved us.
@helenduffy6642
2 жыл бұрын
It's nice Sarah you made a comment that's part of healing to. I'm 73yrs and I wish I had known about these things years ago. I thought it was his alcoholism although he hasn't had a drink in 26yrs but his personality never changed. He is just a grump.
@danaspielbusch4610
2 жыл бұрын
I am going through right now,so dysregulatedand a host of health issues,I have no self confidence left ,my reserves are so depleted I often feel confused and can't seem to regulate emotions at all these days. I feel like rebounding through this has created in me alot of negative behaviours...and I have my family ,who really just want me to heal and rid myself of this malignancy,and I am the lucky woman who has met just such a man as you speak of here,and my trauma bonds and defensiveness have me so far away from myself ,I don't know how to accept the good. I will forever have one eye open to make sure I see it coming. That's no way for anybody to have to live,and loved ones shouldn't have to.
@rebeccassofa
Жыл бұрын
I sadly resonate with everything you've said. You're absolutely not alone in what you're going through. The hypervigilence is exhausting 😢
@44kayleemic
Жыл бұрын
The best thing to afford yourself is extensive time to figure someone out and journal about them and if you find yourself skipping over parts and denying awkwardness and not being able to confront them safely then walk away, in fact run!
@kellythompson1318
2 жыл бұрын
Hey doctor! You do so much for us that i want you to take care of yourself and take a vacation. like 10 days off because a week dosent sound like enough to decompress from doing this all the time. You need time to get narcasisim out of your head even for a little while. I know you mentioned in a video that its all you think about and wake up thinking about it. We all really appreciate what you've done for us and want you to be at your happyest because you definitely earnd it! Either way, I want the best for you! Your a shining example and i want you to shine on! Please take take care!
@marieborchardt2910
2 жыл бұрын
I have a very small circle of family and friends now and I like it this way. After experiencing several narcissistic relationships, through work, friends and family, I'm very afraid to encounter more. I'm actually overly cautious meeting new people. I'd rather be alone (with my dogs!) and at peace. Thank you for your part in helping me heal Dr. Ramini. ❤
@simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266
2 жыл бұрын
Absolutely True...Be forever vigilant.it changes you forever. Never become blindly grandiose👌🏾...👍🏾Ty for the reminder & I love love the cult podcast.. You Rock! Dr.🌷💛💛 I appreciate you 💯%
@deletebilderberg
2 жыл бұрын
‘Oh I’ll never fall for another woman like her.. This new one seems very nice..’ (Happens AGAIN) It’s as much about what we attract as the kind of person we are attracted to!
@josievaccaro
2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Ramani just raised a key concept: it's an everyday commitment!
@JessicaJLandi
2 жыл бұрын
Humility is understanding we can all be deceived. Growing in wisdom, insight, and understanding is essential. Gratitude is knowing God will keep revealing truth as we seek Him, and God will work out every thing for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.
@solidstehl9546
2 жыл бұрын
Perfectly stated! Thank you for your articulation on the subject. I loved the ending "let us remember, who wins the race" ...
@thomasj219
2 жыл бұрын
Morning Dr, just wanted to say thanks again for all the information on this. My mother and I have found it invaluable in dealing with our family and the world at large.
@annajacewicz224
2 жыл бұрын
I couldn’t agree more! I love Dr. Ramani’s analogies! They truly are like a mutating virus!!!
@bdilsen
2 жыл бұрын
They're certainly acting more like virus than a bacteria.. Said that, Dr. Ramani's words shock me, too. I've found the ultimate glossary of definitons and phrases for "the" situation I was not able to identify more than a decade. Answers are coming.. During the relationship, after the brekaup... Virus continues to find successful ways creating risks
@tammyfitzgerald5336
Жыл бұрын
Like loving Cancer 🙏🏽
@laurenlowery5799
2 жыл бұрын
I walked away a year ago. I feel saddened that it is toxic for me to be in a relationship with my sister and niece. However, leaving behind the drama, lies, control, jealousy, hatefulness, one-up-manship is an enormous blessing. I had to let go to achieve the peace I so desperately needed. I was always called too sensitive ofcourse. As an empath it is difficult to accept people can so happily work to destroy you. My mom, father and brother were/are also narcs. Mom and dad have passed, my brother lives in another state. I am 14 years younger than my siblings. Perhaps that's why I have turned out differently? It truly hurt my being to be a part of my family. I never fit.
@cheri238
2 жыл бұрын
One day at a time, slow down great words of wisdom. Humor daily helps me to reconnect and recognize who I am. I definitely don't want anymore insanity, I don't mind being alone. Other areas in my life, I write about. Thank you everyday for your in put. Your wisdom is always appreciated. ✨️
@C.Church
2 жыл бұрын
I agree. I never found the love bond while still young to build a life. Well I did but she slipped through my fingers. It is sad Dr Ramani has job security. But I'm glad the world has her.
@sadia3783
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this reminder 🙏🏼🤍
@80islandia
2 жыл бұрын
This is such an important message. One of the flaws of trauma therapy is the idea that any unsettling feelings activated by red flags in the present are attributed to an event in the past. Mental health professionals can send us in the wrong direction, thinking that our signals are scrambled and we are being too “hypervigilant” or “paranoid” about a situation they believe is healthy for us to pursue. Getting over our fear of the past is seen as the #1 goal. One of the things I appreciate about Dr. Ramani’s approach is the tie-in between the past and the present, and the knowledge that narcissistic abuse is a global crisis that persists at relational, societal, and political levels. It is not something that “goes away” after one encounter. As people who have been emotionally wounded by narcissistic abuse, we may subconsciously seek resolution with a past situation by engaging with a present one. This is not our fault, but is something we are vulnerable to and have to be aware of. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your continued work. I am grateful for your daily insights! 💛🌿
@delicate.mascara
2 жыл бұрын
Seriously more wary of people who are super charismatic and outgoing, as well as people who are far too humble-braggy or woe-is-me... but it will forever be something I could easily fall back into because I'm drawn to people who know how to bring me out of my shell.
@debbiesday8270
2 жыл бұрын
Even now, five years after the breakup, I still feel like an addict when speaking with my ex. I constantly remind myself that he is off limits and bad for me. I keep the conversation all business and short even though he tries to impress me and drag me back in with his charms. I make a point of remembering the list of horrific stuff he did to me at the end before we speak, and I remind myself that I was in love with the imaginary person he pretended to be and not the real man. i only speak with him when absolutely necessary. Even with all of this... I still miss him, and that's okay. We shared forty years together in a marriage that did have a lot of good times, but it was so unhealthy and I cannot go back to that. Live and Learn!
@ericavargas9802
2 жыл бұрын
I was out of a narcissistic relationship for 5 years and was recently sucked back in after a period of love bombing and now I’m getting out again ! I wasn’t aware of trauma bonds I thought I was healed but I’m not ! Thank you Dr Ramani for these videos ❤️
@_iam1533
Жыл бұрын
Same here. Are you alright now?
@peachypossum30
2 жыл бұрын
When I was young and met my stbxh covert narc, I remember him (to what I now know is) gaslighting me. I was like “don’t ever try that with me, I grew up with a family of people re writing history and it won’t work on me!” I honestly think I thought he would just never do it again Then one day In April 2021, I discovered that he cheated, lied and stole from/on me the ENTIRE 14 years. I asked him to leave and been dealing w my broken brain and being the solo parent for my 4 littles ever since. I agree DONT GET COCKY!
@bettybodemeh3949
2 жыл бұрын
"Watching people carefully, moving slowly. Absolutely!!! Thanks Dr Ramani.
@bq1424
2 жыл бұрын
A stunning looking smart and “confident” previous friend that I had committed suicide one week ago. I now recognise that she was the target of a narcissistic jealous mother and this pattern then confined with a narcissistic brother who wanted to take her house. A “counsellor” who clearly didn’t understand Narcissistic Abuse told her years ago to keep her family but cut ties with her friends because they weren’t perfect, so she had NO validation system WHATSOEVER aside from doctors & possibly psychiatrists who haven’t a clue about Narcissistic Abuse not it’s effects. It is even possible that she was INAPPROPRIATELY put on tablets by people who HAVEN’T A PROFESSIONAL CLUE about Narcissistic Abuse & those tablets would merely serve to blunt her personality, destroy her REAL & BEAUTIFUL personality, and limit her coping mechanisms EVEN FURTHER, IN ADDITION to ANOTHER INVALIDATING FALSE LABEL. Because tablets DO NOT provide VALIDATION and in fact can be ANOTHER form of INVALIDATION. She needed HER NARCISSISTIC AWARE FRIENDS. We need a Narcissictic Abuse in the Family & Work World Day TO INCREASE AWARENESS OF THIS ABUSE. Had this SMART & STUNNING girl been AWARE of Narcissistic Abuse and HOW it operates, IS IT POSSIBLE THAT SHE WOULD HAVE NOT BEEN REPEATEDLY BAITED- Yes it is possible, she probably would not have been repeatedly baited.
@survivor2530
2 жыл бұрын
So sad & unfortunately probably 1 of many. Manslaughter by Narcissism. Thinking of you x
@lorilarsen9360
2 жыл бұрын
So terribly tragic.
@Starlightndust
2 жыл бұрын
😢
@sherriolson5033
2 жыл бұрын
I think an International Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is an excellent idea.
@geraldfriend256
2 жыл бұрын
So sad. I knew a man driven to selph farm by rich bitch wife.She always claimed none of her therapists could figure her out. Prolly just fired the ones who called her on her narcissism.
@wisdombeyondthesky8453
2 жыл бұрын
Just finished the podcast on cults and then I see this. All day Ramani!🎉🙌
@wisdombeyondthesky8453
2 жыл бұрын
@@free2beme375 "Narcissism in the NXIVM cult". The description has the links.
@drewsibleyloans
2 жыл бұрын
What a blessing to be have your advice Dr. Ramani. Have a great weekend.
@peaceindarkness.darknessis3494
2 жыл бұрын
I want to thank you dr. Ramani, though it has been heartbreaking and is far from over, you have enlightened me more than I know how to show how grateful I am to you
@Eighties-Jadie
2 жыл бұрын
I've been in several relationships with different narcissists and psychopaths over decades that I now know is as a result of coming from a dysfunctional family where I was taught no different. I feel I'm at the stage now where I can't trust anyone even nice people because those narcissists and psychopaths I let into my life were so good at playing nice before their mask slipped and I was retraumatised all over again. I'm completely alone now and feel so much better since cutting contact with all abusive people but ideally I'd love to be able to share my life with someone I could trust because I have a lot of compassion and love to give as well as a lot to positively offer to a relationship but this time I'd only give equally and not be the one constantly giving with nothing back. Regarding any future encounters with possible narcissists this cannot be avoided because they're everywhere but once we heal and are aware of red flags and warning signs we know to leave instead of staying where we don't belong. Where we belong is in sunshine and light, not hidden in the shadows to be bullied and preyed on by narcissists. I feel bad for people who are stuck and can't easily leave such as children because I was one of those children but now I'm free and will never go back 🦋 Thanks Dr Ramani for the video 💖
@lorilarsen9360
2 жыл бұрын
I can do relate. I hope it’s possible to heal and form healthy relationships. But honestly I too am so afraid to trust once again. Thank G-d for Dr Romani. Best of luck to you and fellow survivors who want to try again but are terrified.
@Eighties-Jadie
2 жыл бұрын
@@lorilarsen9360 I feel the same and have gotten to the point of feeling so fed up and tired of trying to be social only to discover I've met another narcissist or psychopath. It's extremely off-putting and easier said than done to put it all in the past because the emotional abuse leaves invisible hypervigilant scars that are harder to recover from and move on letting new people back in. I'm content living alone because I trust myself but sometimes I do wish I had good trustworthy people I could count on. Best wishes to you 💖
@lorilarsen9360
2 жыл бұрын
@@Eighties-Jadie I’m learning to enjoy time on my own. My youngest daughter just left for college and this is the first time in 23 years I’m on my own. Time to heal! I think it’s wonderful that you are taking time to off to be alone. Although my marriage, divorce and recent relationship were with narcissists, (lots of trauma) I’ve been blessed with a great therapist and a couple of dear friends. You will heal and attract healthy people when you’re ready. Life isn’t a race. You take the time you need to heal. It will be okay ❤️
@Eighties-Jadie
2 жыл бұрын
@@lorilarsen9360 thanks Lori for your kind words and yes I agree it's a good thing to be alone in order to heal, grow and feel stronger. I cut contact with my family and am currently going through a divorce that's been dragged out for years. The divorce opened my eyes up to all the other abusive relationships in my life that I also needed to cut contact with for my own good because to stay would be counter productive to my healing. I feel better since but need more alone time to heal. I've always been a loner and need lots of alone time so I'm good at being alone 😅 that's great you have a good therapist and friends around you ❤️ I also agree with what you said about attracting healthy people when ready because cutting contact with negative people makes room for positive people and hobbies etc. I'm happy doing what I want now without feeling I have to check in with someone and planning my routine daily how I wish after being repressed for too long. I'm willing to take that time and not rush it. Thanks again for your support and I wish you all the best ☀️
@RyanOlsen
2 жыл бұрын
I'm so glad I found your channel. You've helped to save me from staying with my narcissistic wife. It's still early on, and my emotions are up and down; but she isn't here to devalue me since she left. The story isn't over, and she will more than likely be in my life forever (because of our kids), but she won't be right here with me to keep knocking me down. My attempts at reconciliation and the response I have received only help to reinforce what you say about narcissists (which I didn't want to believe); they will never change. The radical acceptance piece was hard to hang onto, but now there's no other way. She left, and you bet I'm hanging onto all of the negatives this time. I don't got this, and seeing the old pictures hurts. I have to remember that for all of the fun shown in pictures there is a back story of the abuse that continued to take place throughout the entire relationship; including during when those pictures were taken. I'm working on healing everyday, and some moments are so wonderful that it feels like I have super powers. The things I'm able to do and the joy that can come from within me are invigorating. I just wish the ruminating would stop. It's better, but it won't stop. Until things get settled in court, I'd say it's going to be a while till that can settle down. Anyway, thanks again for your willingness to share your gift, and helping people like me to get educated and get out.
@angelathornbury3750
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much . I treasure these talks so much.
@soulslurper8754
2 жыл бұрын
Doctor Ramani is AMAZING! What I love about her insight is that she allows us to have a field guide of how to not become the narcissist ourselves.
@teacup1703
2 жыл бұрын
Try to remember. What became familiar is what hurt us to begin with. I watch my Self while I watch them! Yes, on alert.
@tuathadesidhe1530
2 жыл бұрын
Holy crap this is my story too - except I am dedicated to remaining single at least until my youngest is grown. It's not that I think all men/people are bad, it's more that I can't trust my own judgment on people, and I don't want my children to suffer further for the excuses I make for people.
@luckypacketlife4726
2 жыл бұрын
Agreed, I have same thoughts for myself and my son
@daddy8518
2 жыл бұрын
I been doing okay for the last weekish. I still like with my narc/ex boyfriend and cant move out for a long time so im trying to make the best out of a bad situation. I have a very much needed therapy appointment coming up in a few days, but I took my phone in to get the port fixed and the guy destroyed my phone. I woke up today to see my ex smiling at his phone, which hes been doing 24:7 since we broke up. And typing up a huge paragraph to someone. I think in the course of our four year relationship ive got one of those a handful of times in the beginning. It triggered me and Im sobbing in bed now. Im poor and disabled and afraid of being homeless again. I shouldve never left my shitty low income apartment to live with him. I just thought we were in love and I was ready to live in a safer place. im trying to make friends but i dont know how to connect with people. I felt better when I remembered i have these videos. And I can still learn.
@izawaniek2568
2 жыл бұрын
This is so true. We must be on alert when it comes to narcisistic people targeting us. We have to keep our guard up. We can never be totally immune to those toxic people. The example with the simmilarity to addictions is spot on! Thank you dr Ramani. Awareness is mindfullness.
@sunflowersoul8461
2 жыл бұрын
I’m so glad you brought this up. I was with a narcissist off and on for 3 years and spent a year single. I thought I had spent enough time to heal, but I ended up meeting someone else who also turned out to be a narc. I got so wrapped up in it and fast and was convinced that I would never end up with a narcissist again. But the problem is, I was so confident I wouldn’t make that mistake, that I ignored all the red flags at the beginning and then the situation just blew up in my face. I felt guilt for months, feeling like I was some narc magnet who couldn’t get away and find a decent guy to be with. But I’ve had to accept the reality, that I do struggle with codependency and have to be extra careful with anyone I allow in my life, because I may still attract narcissist personalities, based on past trauma bonds.
@kimthomas781
2 жыл бұрын
Keep up your boundaries sunflower 🌻. It will feel more and more natural as you flex those new muscles. 🔆🔆🔆🔆🔆🔆🔆
@beingilluminous
2 жыл бұрын
Just like any former addict-it’s easy to miss the red flags that grow…having a partner willing to acknowledge all of the reality of this complex relationship and who doesn’t take the successes *for granted*…is the path does seem to help me stay aware and relaxed at the same time. I take your advice to heart. Hyperviligance isn’t needed, however, vigilance always will be a protective guiding light after healing from this abuse, especially from childhood. Having a supportive and authentic network that is courageous to speak up and hold me accountable to know I deserve better than I’ve accepted, helps me move through those old paths easier. Thank you for all who are working on this. Take nothing for granted. Gratitude for all the good moments and focusing on growing those.
@pateole1951
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. Ramani, slow and steady wins the race. Wish you could’ve met my Pappy the cappy ♑️ 😂. You’re his female counterpart in ways to me , as he had told me to Slow down. There’s a lot of truth in time healing all wounds and always going forward despite life’s hurdles. Thank you 🙏 again, Dr. Ramani for healing so many❣️
@flonaava5408
Жыл бұрын
I Being through it for years without such information makes the situation more vulnerable. Thanks Dr.
@raph3156
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you 😭💖🙌🧿👽🌿 I was raised to ignore the red flags and forgive them and then "help" the narcissist overcome them by way of being extra gracious. I see now that its a deep trauma bond and a fawning response. I have made the decision to finally and permanently leave him for good. I have no intention of rushing into any love situation with anyone either, this has been an 18 year torture chamber of walking on eggshells and by the grace of God and the help of goodly people like yourself I finally feel strong enough to let go and leave. I'm crying lots, but I think thats a purge. I can't wait to see what God has in store for my children and myself next 🙌 💖🧿👽🌿
@dawnluchmee3511
2 жыл бұрын
Stay strong especially when he hoovers and uses the usual narcissistic tactics to disrupted your life and emotional stability. Remember, narcs are not interested in closure and they do not want to see you move on. Go gray rock and don't let anyone bait you into arguments. Stand your ground and keep your emotions in check. You've given enough. It's all a sick game to them. Take care of yourself and your children! Great job! Much love to you as you recover. ♡
@salibacchus7197
2 жыл бұрын
There she is,thanks ❤
@karaynaR1132
2 жыл бұрын
Dr Ramani im a first time comenter ive been learning about narcissism from you for a year now. And Although you dont know me You are so very special to me and im so great full for your work . You have saved my life. 🙂 Just wanted to express how much you are appreciated.
@zeegerman6868
2 жыл бұрын
I realized about 9-10 years ago that my mom was toxic for me. I had a jaw dropping moment 2-1/2 years ago when I realized she had NPD. My father mentioned it to me once. And my brother mentioned she was Borderline. Neither ever expounded. Everything progressed exactly as you describe since then. I can now disengage with almost no emotion. Here is the kicker. Just before I was starting a new relationship was when I realized what my mom was. My new girlfriend had been in a relationship with (I strongly suspect) a malignant Narcissist. Whenever her ex would show up, she would literally shrink into herself and act like a chastised child. A friend mentioned psychological programming and thus began my journey into personality disorders. After about 3 years in my current relationship, which has had constant problems, which, from time to time, I would make notes about IE excorcising the feelings from my mind onto paper, I recently did that again, and found some older notes...about the exact same issues... and as I read the old notes, it hit me like a brick and my jaw dropped... my girlfriend also has NPD. Probably vulnerable NPD. In the very beginning when she once said "I just realized in a flash, thats how I am. I will always hurt you thats why we can't be together". Since she has said "I am the way I am. People don't change" with the insinuation that I have to decide wether I can live with her or not. The thing is, we have known eachother since we were literally almost babies. We've had a thing for each other all our lives. We didnt keep in touch past childhood, though knew a bit about eachother through friends and neighbors over the years. If this was a woman I knew nothing about until a few years ago, I would have no doubts about getting the hell out of Dodge. But I find myself asking, is there a core of true feeling? A core of true emotional attachment to me? Or was that burned out by her constant psychological abuse through her own mother, who I'm quite sure is responsible for her NPD? In other words, it seems to be a lot more complicated than even the usual complicated NPD mess. Or is it?
@kimthomas781
2 жыл бұрын
Good luck to you. I think you’re gonna need it.
@zeegerman6868
2 жыл бұрын
@@kimthomas781 THATS not what you wanna hear! lol
@TorgerVedeler
5 ай бұрын
Very wise. Remember that even as we change, so do the narcissists. Something unrelated to you may happen to trigger them, and make you their latest target even if you weren’t before.
@ParadiseLoading
2 жыл бұрын
Confident: great! Overconfidence: not so much.
@leonablack3516
2 жыл бұрын
I have very few people in my life and that's the way I like it, yes its lonely at times but I cannot tolerate bullys in my life no more.
@nanettejackson566
2 жыл бұрын
I grew up with narcissistic abuse, then stayed married to a narcissistic man for 31 years. Several years after my divorce, a man I went to high school with found me on Facebook. He wove a tale about how much he had changed and what a great guy he was, blah, blah. I eventually started to trust him. He love bombed the crap out of me. He asked me to marry him and we were engaged for a year and a half. He was nothing but a con man. Nothing he told me was true. After getting out of that relationship, I decided that I was so much better off alone. I'm retired and have no problem living alone. Being in a narcissistic relationship taght me that not only could I not trust that man but that I couldn't trust my own judgment. I'm an educated woman that worked with children and teens with severe behaviors. You would think I would have recognized the red flags. This guy was really good. I'm not recommending to give up on finding love, especially if you are young. It's just the path I have chosen. My life is peaceful and full of joy.
@MOONMAZUMDAR
2 жыл бұрын
Your work will help people for generations to come
@kelistowers8126
Жыл бұрын
Everyday I find myself tuning into one of your podcasts. I am learning a little more each day about Narcissim and the traits that entail. Thankyou Dr Romani NZ ❤✌
@Buster-im5so
Жыл бұрын
Yes!!! Yes!!! Yes!!! I got duped again. It's okay though, because I get to learn to 'foresee' myself in their presence, and 'cut bait' as that moment of awareness translates into reality. Thanks for your insight DoctorRamani.
@cherrybacon3319
2 жыл бұрын
It is so very easy after a Narcissistic relationship to fall for someone who shows that niceness, but if you haven't yet resolved or got your own closure (you'll never get it from a Narc) you're never going to be able to see the other person with a clear mindset. It's best to concentrate being on your own and bettering yourself as much as. Then, you'll be on better footing and as your boundaries are set you'll be able to resist Red Flags. 🍒
@TheNynax
2 жыл бұрын
Vigilance is not a lack of confidence, confidence is trust in your ability to be vigilant. Or as they say in financial accounting "trust, but verify."
@lindagithaiga1974
2 жыл бұрын
Don't let your guard down for anyone ever again folks coz you never know who is that new person you are talking to.
@marieborchardt2910
2 жыл бұрын
There are so many out there...
@thedeallit1065
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the reminder!!! Experience and healing are not immunization shots. 🙌🏽
@oldanduncouth
2 жыл бұрын
Watching these videos almost daily is my innoculation: reminder for both why i'm no-contact with my parents, and seeing the tendencies in myself from growing up in "narcissism-is-normal" so i can work on the cause if not just avoiding the tendency. My husband and I both have narcissistic tendencies, and we both feel bad and want to be better when we are aware of what we're doing - not perfect or lucky, but both adaptable and willing.
@kb9167
2 жыл бұрын
That (and my age, 75) are what make me not receptive to another relationship!
@jannlewandowski5540
2 жыл бұрын
Hi KB, you know it's never too late! I'm pretty close to your age myself, and I know I'll NEVER get married , however we can still go on dinner dates if we meet someone nice. One thing..NO WAY WILL I GET INVOLVED AGAIN! Take care of yourself! JANN~
@kb9167
2 жыл бұрын
@@jannlewandowski5540 I just feel so free and at peace now that I do not want to risk letting any possible chaos into my life (after a 50 year marriage)! I feel so blessed to have survived and gotten out 🥰
@cyndigooch1162
2 жыл бұрын
@@jannlewandowski5540 I've noticed that many older survivors, especially women, are content to stay single now, including me, which is totally okay. 🙂
@JP-lw4js
2 жыл бұрын
Uh, the third one sounds too good to be true. 😳 just speaking from experience. I had a similar story. The third one turned out to be highly covert, moralistic and ultimately toxic and I felt totally insane after, because he was so good at it. Looking back the red flags are on fire. At the time he hid them well, I was the only one who got up close and started to feel the heat and felt like the frog in boiling water saying “is it getting warm in here? “. He was still love bombing while the other controlling behaviors and underhanded manipulation began to slowly increase. Someone adored in our community because of their facade. Something felt off, I’ve had to turn to my intuition more and more through this. Staying connected to myself. My instincts which were badly damaged by the first long term malignant narc. I left because of my recovery. Still learning, growing and healing and hope to always be.
@cyndigooch1162
2 жыл бұрын
J P I thought that the third partner seemed way too good to be true as well! Hopefully, it's not the case though and I know that people do go on to have much healthier relationships, especially after doing their healing work. It has been proven by some of the other narcissism counsellors on KZitem etc who have managed to do it, so it can be done, if that's what survivors want, as many are choosing to remain single. 🙂
@kimthomas781
2 жыл бұрын
Good for you JP. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@nataliealice05
2 жыл бұрын
You're so right! I'm not over confident, pretty much the opposite because i see a narcissists in every man i'm meeting
@adacathy3018
2 жыл бұрын
Thinking that you’re immune is like a fixed mindset and doesn’t allow you to see that we can improve ourselves and that we are susceptible to being exploited and making mistakes. It’s also about being realistic, and knowing that we have flaws and need to protect ourselves
@alliemarie2005
2 жыл бұрын
This resonated with me so much! I’m one of the unlucky ones who got out of a long term relationship with a narc. Then I ended up walking away from an important job/position because of a narc boss. I started my education on narcissism then and thought I had learned, healed, and finally got it. Then I met and fell in love with another narc. This time the relationship only lasted about a year before I recognized it and got out. None of us are immune! I honestly don’t think the work is ever done. I hope I find a happy ending like your friend but I’ll never fully let my guard down again.
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