You know, a person can be both grateful and grieving at the same time. And grief doesn't have a timeline. You can be grateful for your wonderful living children and still find grief on the anniversary of your child's death. It's ok. That's the meaning of the word " bittersweet". It's ok.
@stevengtv
Жыл бұрын
It might be wrong to think this but at least he has a wife and kid. I’m 32 and don’t even have a girlfriend. I don’t know if kids will be in my future. I am happy and content tho as I know others have life harder etc. perspective can help with a lot.
@lav7161
Жыл бұрын
It works both ways
@Alex-qx4qw
Жыл бұрын
It’s also not always better on the other side. Would way rather be single than stuck in a marriage with someone who is a jerk and raising kids with them. Seen that miserable story play out too often. Enjoy your freedom.
@janelleg597
Жыл бұрын
@@Ivy285 at a certain point it's a choice. Wish you the best ❤️
@rosemarykriegel3226
Жыл бұрын
Our forty year old son is in your situation. At least he hasn't ruined anyone else's life with a divorce.
@rosemarykriegel3226
Жыл бұрын
@@Ivy285Where are you located?
@wijcik
Жыл бұрын
Thank you! God didn't need another angel. My babies died. Bad theology is not a comfort.
@carynmason3421
Жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry! Bad theology hurts people
@ComfortingGrace
Жыл бұрын
One of the best things that helps me through disappointment and grief is practicing gratitude. Focusing on all the positives of my life the way it is, rather than focusing on the things I wish I had but don't.
@Jmea8244
Жыл бұрын
I really believed that to be true until a recent devastating disappointment and when I think about being grateful for other things makes me want to puke . It’s easier said than done . And now seems like a total cop out and apathetic idea .
@maryperrysmith5815
Жыл бұрын
Tim he’s right so many needed to hear this too as we all have huge disappointments in our lives guess it’s part of living ❤
@Whiskey_Jane
Жыл бұрын
Definitely asked myself these questions a time or two. Also got some answers today. Thanks Dr. John. 💙✌
@ultrahighgain412
Жыл бұрын
I’m almost 51 and I have no children. I very much wanted children and a big family. I wanted to give my sons and daughters that will never be the opportunity to have the experiences I didn’t have. I wanted to share so much with them. But I was never quite good enough for a woman even though I have a successful career as an electrical engineer, I’m tall and athletic, and I am not unattractive. I’m probably on the spectrum. My wife suspects this. I didn’t get married until I was 40. When I die all of my books, guitars, firearms including my great-grandfathers rifle , and house will go to the state. My family name will die with me. The pictures and books handed down by my family for four generations will be taken to landfill. Please consider yourself fortunate and blessed with the son you have.
@emilyk.5664
Жыл бұрын
I don't know if you have ever considered fostering children? It would come with its own set of difficulties, but you could make a positive impact on many young children...although I know it's not the same as having your own. I am 30 and have no children (one pregnancy loss 10 years ago). I hope to have multiple children, but I also don't know if it will be in the cards for me either and it is so painful. Especially when I think about how I could have tried over the past several years, but didn't. Now it feels like I wasted so much time. I'm really sorry...your comment really struck me because I understand your disappointment and sadness. That's the reason I bring up fostering because it's something I've been considering myself.
@AN-jw2oe
Жыл бұрын
You still can have the opportunity to provide mentoring to kids in other capacities! I think you would find it very rewarding. ❤
@rosemarykriegel3226
Жыл бұрын
We were fortunate that when we miscarried my husband's job sent us flowers and gave him funeral leave. They respected our loss. We grieved by taking our three children to the beach for the weekend to have them all close. They were only 4.5, 3, and 14 months.
@lilibethvilella
Жыл бұрын
John we love you soooooooo much!!! 🙏🏽❤️
@goldenoreo6699
Жыл бұрын
This was a sad watch. This man really went through a devastating loss, and he sounds to be trying to out think grief. There’s no out thinking it, or controlling it. This man is going to have to do something excruciating; feel it. I think of my dad who died a few years ago and I still feel it, and honestly always will. I am at peace with that. If I tried to overcome it, or outrun like I had before I would’ve been dragged down
@DKilgallen
Жыл бұрын
They should consider adoption. Or fostering. This could be an opportunity and NOT something necessarily to grieve. I’ve lost two and am blessed with two. I always grieve the two I lost, alone, but am always thankful for what I have. The grieving never stops. You just plow through it and it lessens over time. Good luck to you
@janelleg597
Жыл бұрын
Why are you grieving alone? 🙁
@DKilgallen
Жыл бұрын
@@janelleg597 Because the first one I lost was before I was married to my husband. He doesn’t want to hear me discuss my pregnancy with someone else. Or grieving the loss of another man’s baby. The second one I lost was between my first and second daughter and my husband was unsympathetic then so I never mention it. He knows it bothers me. Especially Mother’s Day which was when I lost my fist one. Mother’s Day 1998. My daughters don’t want to hear it. So I mourn alone. And I think I always will.
@misa5941
Жыл бұрын
Grieving their loss would be independent of adopting/fostering
@Eng_Simoes
4 ай бұрын
Unrelated topics. Adoption won't help with grief. Is like telling a grieving widow that she should get a boyfriend. Also, be careful when prescribing medicine you haven't taken yourself.
@AN-jw2oe
Жыл бұрын
John, I think you may have missed the point of his question-he wasn’t asking how to be “successful” in order to compare and compete, I believe he was asking how does he know that he is actually “grieving” instead of thinking that he is, but is not really doing so.
@Monroemanordogs
Жыл бұрын
I wished I could have kids.
@vanmamawannabe6360
Жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry 😢💔
@Monroemanordogs
Жыл бұрын
@@vanmamawannabe6360 me too, I grieve for a life I never got to have, while I watch women murder babies everyday all day.
@DNA350ppm
Жыл бұрын
Additions, after reading other comments: we don't know why people feel sorrow and disappointment, where we ourselves could easily carry on, as we don't all have the same baggage, burdens, and dreams. We don't know what these mean to an other. I feel, that if we want to be helpful, we delay our judgement and try to get a little more information, perhaps as Dr John does, open a little more about our own struggles, and see if it gives resonance. Many of you have done that, and I myself tried to follow my own advice. To all of you reading, listening, I hope you will find your ways to cope with life's challenges, and the hurts you have suffered - they can in the long run truly be a source of understanding and help for others. Thank you for offering your comfort and advice - I often feel this is a great world wide community!
@misa5941
Жыл бұрын
👏
@DNA350ppm
Жыл бұрын
@@misa5941 Thank you for the nice response! 🧡
@teabrown02
Жыл бұрын
This was an AWESOME call. ❤ Lots of gems 💎dropped. Thanks Dr. John and Tim
@RG-hf4et
Жыл бұрын
Be grateful for your heathy child. Some people can't have any. Consider adoption or surragacy if you need to pursue having a larger family.
@orphansparrow2
Жыл бұрын
I couldn’t have any. It took me a few years to get over it. I’m mostly okay now.
@RG-hf4et
Жыл бұрын
@@orphansparrow2 People forget some people physically can't have children and others missed out having children due to lack of a relationship & they didn't have a choice.
@hideyable
Жыл бұрын
@R G - minimising Tim's loss is probably the reason he's unable to grieve his dream future. He'll be aware that he's fortunate
@RG-hf4et
Жыл бұрын
@Heidi Too many people "over grieve", imho. I know you can't put a timetable on it but it is part of life. And life isn't fair. Some people are lucky, others are not. Instead of "over focusing" on what didn't happen or what went wrong, grievers need to remember to be thankful for what they do have. Getting stuck while grieving is depression. It's not true grieving anymore. I know because I have been there several times in my life.
@Eng_Simoes
4 ай бұрын
I believe the content of this video went entirely over your head.
@tomnohmy1273
Жыл бұрын
On a serious note, good advice
@richardle7469
10 ай бұрын
Army taught us, drink water and drive on. Lol, what ever you think is hard/obstacle.. you are not the 1st person to feel/happen to. Mission always comes 1st, i will never surrender, i will never quit, i will never leave a fallen comrade ,
@Eng_Simoes
4 ай бұрын
Well, I hate to have to break it to you, but the army never cared about you. If you get head shot, you're not the first too.
@RealEstateDudeDrew
Жыл бұрын
Thank you for this. It was a huge help.
@indianaprepper2832
Жыл бұрын
He better get all of the drywall out of the house is he’s named his kid Kyle 😂
@seaurchin4451
Жыл бұрын
Lol!! I laughed when he said Kyle. No hate just a funny name to choose a kid you waited years for.
@jessicaknittingsworth7359
Жыл бұрын
Adoption 😊
@Eng_Simoes
4 ай бұрын
Incorrect.
@DNA350ppm
Жыл бұрын
One-grieving is not much helped by people telling him/her how to dismiss the grief and pain, it only weighs more on the grieving heart. I have had many diasappointments and sorrows accompanied with blaming myself and preaching to me about what I should and shouldn't - that is not helpful. I'll share just one process, which has clear story-line (that's not always so, then I had to try to ferret that out, as best I could) - that is the story of the divorce from my kids father and who was the man I promised to share the rest of my life with, whom I gave up my career for, whose first children I thried to be the best step-mother ever for (and bonded deeply with, I knew they loved me in return, still do, as I them), I uprooted from my native country for, because I had the language-skills to do it and his children needed him. I did it gladly, out of genuine love and decency, no regrets there. 14 years of life together, and I knew that he would never ever in no instance put the children's needs before his own, that it would always be my duty to keep the children unharmed from this selfischness, that they then would be harmed by such a miserable example of fatherhood and they had already started to see through him, and showed signs of problems manhood that I couldn't wipe away. I had to show them that he was not a yoke we all had to live under. A freer and more independent life was possible for us all. But boy, was it hard, both practically, financially, and psychologically. I felt I lost it all, my job, my home, my husband, and family and friends and contact with my native country, I had already earlier sacrificed for the sake of calm in the home... My go to sentences to calm me down were; this will also pass; I can handle this; and "I'm going to stick to doing the decent choices". Many everyday situations were possible to handle in that spirit. I lived with nightmares and crying in my pillow at nights. I tried to tell of my sorrow to some relatives and friends, but they just wanted to gloss over my pain with rapid phrases: be glad you've got rid of him at last, and the like. In my heart of hearts I felt so miserable for having failed to make my dream of a happy family come true, it had cost me and loved ones so much, for failing to understand what my ex needed to be the man and father we needed, so I could have guided him to be that, and for him to feel success instead of failure, etc. For this deeper existential anguish I could only come up with one solace for me, an atheist, that was: I went to church each Sunday, thinking of the 2000 years of my ancestors, who also had turned to the same church in deep distress, and I prayed with the congregation, anonymously but aloud, in my mothertongue: ... and forgive me for my failing, as I forgive those who have done wrong to me... (this is in my translation, originally The Lord's Prayer). A year of this and many diligently sticking many other good practices, and then with great resolve and compassion my current husband stepped in and up, showing me and mine the truth of how decent men love, support, and stand for higher principles, being vulnerable and steadfast and open. I tell thislike this at length to illustrate my experience, that there are no quick fixes, no patent methods, no wishful thinking, no way to please people with your invisible readiness to carry on wihout spreading trouble and sorrow, nothing that can conjure away with the pain that has come your way, through it. Somehow one has to find ways to truthfully confront one's burden, truthfully to stay yourself, an honest and decent human being, who is not here to please others, but to live life to the fullest, and hold out, doing one's best. We can, by and by, forgive ourselves, and others, and the path that became ours to walk, with head held up high again, after we've crawled in the mud. This can happen more than once. We are only human. No more, no less. May you find what you seek. Keep the search up!
@laurietrantina1994
3 ай бұрын
Adoption!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
@user-kd8vu8tt4d
Жыл бұрын
Dr John could be a Colin Farrel look-a-like. Would be nice to have him help me unpack some of my stuff :)
@zacknelson8918
Жыл бұрын
You could go adopt a child who the motger cant keep or take care of due to a situation, and its a new born, since you guys have some med problems, go that route
@ceebee3581
Жыл бұрын
Did this call seem scripted to anyone else?
@Eng_Simoes
4 ай бұрын
100%. Useful nonetheless
@tomnohmy1273
Жыл бұрын
I'm disappointed that I didn't decide to shave my head earlier in life.
@lav7161
Жыл бұрын
How does it look now?
@tomnohmy1273
Жыл бұрын
@@lav7161 good, thx
@michaelallen1154
Жыл бұрын
This guy needs to take his wife to a Wholistic Methylation practitioner.
@izzie999
Жыл бұрын
Second comment 😅
@ace2live957
Жыл бұрын
Damn it third
@lav7161
Жыл бұрын
Tomorrow's another day
@neisci
Жыл бұрын
So after they struggled so much to become parents, and they were finally blessed with a child, he's still here i don't if this is the right word, but complaining, not satisfied? Some people really cannot count their blessings.
@dabd8175
Жыл бұрын
Your a King Tim. You do need to grieve the fact you picked a female that can't provide what you want. Take notes ppl.
@colmwhateveryoulike3240
Жыл бұрын
Cringe....
@dabd8175
Жыл бұрын
@@colmwhateveryoulike3240 Hey no need for negativity towards Tim calling him cringe. Hopefully things get better for you.
@colmwhateveryoulike3240
Жыл бұрын
@@dabd8175 Yeah your reading comprehension level checks out too. I guess expecting you to question yourself was a lost cause.
@zenlife321
Жыл бұрын
Off the charts cringe comment
@dabd8175
Жыл бұрын
@@colmwhateveryoulike3240 I'll leave the "questioning yourself" part to you bozo.
@TheSunshinefee
Жыл бұрын
you stayed too long with the wrong woman.
@Cheekybanana
Жыл бұрын
What makes her the wrong woman?
@albs1448
Жыл бұрын
Seriously, you even have 1 so be absolutely grateful that you were blessed with 1 and if you cant adopt then get a surrogate. Nowadays things are much more easier when it comes to children....adoption or surrogacy both works great. This is not a huge deal at all. The only thing will cost you its an arm and leg if you cant accept 1 child don't just struggle, find a way and you will get to where you want to be.
@yesterdayseyes
Жыл бұрын
Surrogacy is horrible for women and children, please don't suggest it like it's a good option. He can just deal.
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