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@libertarianassfuck7635
2 жыл бұрын
First lol. 😅
@fuadthabet8166
2 жыл бұрын
OK Dear
@fuadthabet8166
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks dear
@sindre9484
2 жыл бұрын
Ty
@fuadthabet8166
2 жыл бұрын
@@sindre9484 good 👍👍
@RealJamieBarclay
2 жыл бұрын
It fascinates me how obsessed we are with soulmates, as a society that otherwise hardly even utter the word "soul".
@palesamphatsoe959
2 жыл бұрын
Right!
@NechamaGluck
2 жыл бұрын
Good observation!
@kathleenkaleookalanismith8724
2 жыл бұрын
Dang that’s actually so trueeeee
@mmsutantowrites
2 жыл бұрын
I think the concept of "soulmate" or "the other half" originated from Plato? So we got him to blame for that :)
@sarab7794
2 жыл бұрын
It’s because of films. Not so shocking to me. People are conditioned through media.
@maynardewm
2 жыл бұрын
Dating apps nowadays makes potential partners feel disposable. Everyone’s looking for better than what they have, and it’s bringing people together who have nothing in common. Some things just don’t need to be “solved” by technology. IMO this is one of them 🤨
@christix6648
2 жыл бұрын
good point there
@xTenshiAi
2 жыл бұрын
agreed! but i believe if it can bring people who have things in common and are emotionally mature, they have a higher chance of success
@TABISH390
2 жыл бұрын
I don't know if it is so for others, but the perception around how relationships need to be plus the knee-jerk dopamine-induced culture of dating apps has rendered so many of us, especially people who go through mental-health issues feeling terrible about themselves because we have come to a point where you are only "attractive" if you fit a certain norm or have some social "brag" value about you. I haven't dated anyone in ages and primarily because it's so hard to manage expectations or look at it in a humanizing way when two people honestly try to know each other.
@streetmoneyski6168
2 жыл бұрын
"You know why I'm here." 😍 If she does ASMR, I'm changing my life LOL
@launchpadmcquack4971
2 жыл бұрын
You love her But she loves him And he loves somebody else You just can't win And so it goes Till the day you die This thing they call love It's gonna make you cry I've had the blues The reds and the pinks One thing for sure Love stinks yeah yeah
@robdog114
2 жыл бұрын
Dating isn't working because most of us have unacknowledged narcissistic tendencies and are looking for a relationship for the sole sake of what we'll get out of it.
@davisomusic
2 жыл бұрын
A relationship is a continuous mutual decision, not a product of destiny.
@palesamphatsoe959
2 жыл бұрын
Very true. It all comes down to choice. We choose to commit to someone and to love them
@snorrevonflake
2 жыл бұрын
No, its like gravity or magnetism, you can't create that.
@chrisjfox8715
2 жыл бұрын
@@snorrevonflake the gravity most definitely pulls you in but you choose how much effort you want to put into making its stability healthy
@gwynedd1
2 жыл бұрын
Don't think I could agree with either of those. A relationship is existential. That is what makes the idea of soul mates so laughable. People that survive together in war or a disaster create bonds. The woman one is with was not special , but when she is the mother of one's children she is unique. So it is neither merely a decision or any kind of fate. The bond exists because they were created.
@mikelisteral7863
2 жыл бұрын
any man that shows any interest in a woman is now considered a "stalker" by todays brainwashed feminists
@TheModernDating
2 жыл бұрын
The biggest secret to successful dating is first, be happy on your own.
@Rage448
2 жыл бұрын
Man say that a million times more alot of people or not happy but broken and insecure
@Rick_Cleland
2 жыл бұрын
@@Rage448 I reasonably happy alone at the moment. I just turned thirty-seven, no kids, no girlfriend and no job. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@tas7997
2 жыл бұрын
Crush the enemies! See them driving before you. Hear the lamentations of their women!
@miaka123ify
2 жыл бұрын
That is the first step. Finally say it
@jericho7852
2 жыл бұрын
That's an even bigger lie.
@martyh8830
2 жыл бұрын
I ended up marrying my highschool sweet heart. Sadly, she is no longer with us, but it was great while it lasted
@Casxa
2 жыл бұрын
Sorry to hear, hope you’re doing okay
@AanchalSharmaa16
2 жыл бұрын
Oh my god. I am sorry. Know that she loves you till the very core♥️and you are gonna make her and yourself proud ✨god bless
@tammy1598
2 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry for your loss
@mikelisteral7863
2 жыл бұрын
any man that shows any interest in a woman is now considered a "stalker" by todays brainwashed feminists
@martyh8830
2 жыл бұрын
@@AanchalSharmaa16 Thank you for your very kind comment. Our marriage vows included the words "forever and all eternity"
@knofi7052
2 жыл бұрын
I think, it's actually quite simple. When you are relatively young and inexperienced, it is very easy to mistake infatuation for love. I think actually we can learn to love other people.
@Tim_G_Bennett
2 жыл бұрын
I'm glad you said that we can learn to love, I feel I could love most people now, within reason.
@palesamphatsoe959
2 жыл бұрын
100%, loving someone is a skill, it's a choice.
@thenopedetective
2 жыл бұрын
Loving can be a choice, but I'd say more accurately it's an action. For most folks, romantic love requires a lot to make loving someone a good choice. Similar values, similar future goals, an underlying draw to them (though this can grow over time), ability to have fun together, no major deal breakers, and (for people who aren't asexual) sexual attraction. There should be a balance between the choice to act and the actual underlying compatibility.
@knofi7052
2 жыл бұрын
@@thenopedetective I think the more we love, the less we expect from the person we love. People who expect something in return have never experienced real love. But of course not every loved one is suitable for a living relationship. That's a different story. :)
@MegaUnwetter
2 жыл бұрын
@@knofi7052 yes true but thats the problem for me. love someone who is in a relationship and give me no love back.
@mattklein7155
2 жыл бұрын
I don’t really believe in love at first sight. I think it’s more along the lines of lust at sight.
@sif_2799
2 жыл бұрын
I agree. It's just hormones at first.
@mattklein7155
2 жыл бұрын
@@sif_2799 Right? I mean, to actually love someone you need to be with them and go through trials. You simply can’t do that when you’ve only met someone for the first time. There needs to be a foundation built upon and worked at.
@sif_2799
2 жыл бұрын
@@mattklein7155 True. However, lust is a part of that kind of love, so before realising this, it is easy to mistake lust for love alltogether. In German we have the word ,,schockverliebt", which is basically the lust at first sight thing, that you're so overwhelmed by the hormones and emotion that it feels like being in love and of course this can actually turn into real love but it can also fade just after moments.
@bodomboy22
2 жыл бұрын
@@sif_2799 German is awesome. There's a simple and intuitive word for everything.
@G0LD.
2 жыл бұрын
The reason you dont believe in love at first side has nothing to do that love at first sight doesnt exist like many people comment and think… love at first sight does exist if you have developed your intuitive side and intuition which should be balanced. Once you have developed it (for some it takes years, for most they will never develop it, other have it naturally) you are able to feel and see someones energy and even mindset and compare that to yours and thats how love at first sight is created, obviously if its mutual. Its the same with friendships, sometimes you just know that you can be very good friends, you meet these people maybe 1 time in a year. So no, its not the hormones, the problem with newer generations or people having a hard time finding true love is because they are not intuitively developed let alone emotionally developed, how can you expect to understand someone else if you cant even understand yourself.
@sarahstudies8149
2 жыл бұрын
Dating sucks. The only success I’ve ever had is by not dating and having a friend become something more. Edit: to the people who don't know what this means. It means when I dated men, they weren't great matches but when I let go of it, and I just hung out with my friends, I developed feelings for one of them and they felt the same. For me, it was better to fall for someone who I got to know first, rather than this shallow way to date - choosing purely on looks and first impressions. I've been with the love of my life for almost 10 years. Hopefully this clarifies things.
@trappart9209
2 жыл бұрын
I think dating is pure gamble. As you said, other alternative is to build friendships and be happy. In addition, one of your friends may become a good romantic partner option for you
@jackdeniston59
2 жыл бұрын
And you are single....
@harrypotter_petronus
2 жыл бұрын
Boys are pretty much over that . 😄 No one wants to be friend-zoned
@marlonmoncrieffe0728
2 жыл бұрын
Have you tried the internet? And you look pretty-just lacking in style and feminity. Dress up and wear make-up and I am sure you'll reel someone in.
@sedansearz5349
2 жыл бұрын
@@marlonmoncrieffe0728 and u lack respect
@gickyvergo4597
2 жыл бұрын
This is such a coincidence but the past few weeks I have been thinking about love and dating and how f'ed up my perception of love is even after having broken up from a serious relationship 4 months now. I thought after I broke up that I had been growing and changing and becoming better, but it hit me at one point that I wasn't. I wasn't because everything that I had learned when I was younger about love is wrong. Since I can remember myself I always had to have someone in my mind. I had to have a prince that would save the day and bring meaning to my life. I look at my life now and even though I do not have any romantic feelings for anyone, I am still sad. And I am sad because other than dating, I never thought about anything. no goals. In my mind, everything had to be about men and love, and now that I don't have that I feel empty. Because when all your life you have the same way of thinking, it is very hard to change that and I am going to try and rewire my brain. No man will bring me actual happiness and the more I don't change, the harder it will be to be truly happy.
@relicojustice2623
2 жыл бұрын
I think a lot more people are like that than they admit. I was quite similar in that I was always focused on women, then when adult life hit & suddenly a relationship didn’t even cross my mind as a fix to the new stress, it was & still is tricky to adjust. You’ll probably end up thinking as much about a hobby, work, friendships etc as you did about relationships, they’re more consistent forms of happiness than the potential ups & downs of relationships. But don’t write love off entirely, it’s an annoyingly overused saying but love will happen when you least expect it.
@palesamphatsoe959
2 жыл бұрын
This resonsated with me so much! Society conditions us into believing that in order to be truly happy we must be in a relationship. That having a significant other is the epitome of true bliss and contentment in life. We then spend our former years romantasizing and deeply craving love, having this false belief it will satiate our purpose and meaning in life, which is utter rubbish. We're so consumed by the pursuit of a boyfriend/girlfriend that we neglect to be present and truly enjoy the phase of singleness we're in. There's nothing wrong with not dating. Don't ever compromise your values, or settle because of societal pressures. I'm 22 and I've never dated in my life. A lot of my friends are currently in relationships, and i used to feel so sad and envy them, because i would think like "is there soemthing wrong with me ?" And i constantly felt like true happiness can only be found once i had a man. But then i took a step back and realised my worth and value is not determined by how many people I've dated, or romantic partners I've had, but rather true bliss is found when one decides to choose to embrace every phase of their lives wholeheartedly. Finding abundance and enjoyment in being single, and realsing there's so much you can explore about yourself and love you can give yourself in that period. So that when the time comes for you to be in a relationship, you are not dependent on that other person to make you happy or validate your existence, but rather they just elevate and enhance your already existing happiness and love for life. It's that whole narrative of, " I'll be happy whe." Why can't you be happy while, while in that waiting period chose to be happy and find abundance in your life. Explore yourself, try new things, make new friends, take risks, fall in love with life.
@Richie131hun
2 жыл бұрын
Well done for observing this! Now that you are aware it is hard to change your thinking, paradoxically, it is going to get easier! This is what I experienced.
@falljosh
2 жыл бұрын
Don't get overly invested in the narrative that you must change to be happy. It can be a seeking trap as well. It's somewhat a paradox, but when you see you are perfect the way you are, that is what will shift you, and that is when you will be truly happy. Hope people can find it.
@Casxa
2 жыл бұрын
I can really relate to your story. I’m 19 and last year I broke off an unhealthy long term relationship that completely drained me. I was always someone who feared being alone and ran away from my life and responsibilities by being with my partner. I hit rock bottom and felt so terrible I realized I would rather be single and lonely than be in a terrible relationship but not single. Since then I’ve taken control of my life and I’m pursuing a lot of hobbies and taking care of myself. Like someone else said, one day you might be glad to not be dating and dealing with all the ups-and-downs, they’re very exhausting. Being single is very healing but don’t give up on love, just don’t settle and love yourself first and foremost.
@alexcarino3274
2 жыл бұрын
The biggest secret about dating is that everyone is fcked up in their own way
@palesamphatsoe959
2 жыл бұрын
Right! The sooner we all realise that, the more at peace we will be, and the less pressure we will put on ourselves to be and find this perfect person.
@robindaudeij6442
2 жыл бұрын
I Actually had a ' that's him ' experience, it was at my internship, he walked into the stables i looked and was like, it's you! You're the one. 😍 and now we have been in a relationship for almost 5 years (i was 17 at the time) we got to know each other for a year, became best friends and then started dating. I still get that ' its you' feeling everyday when i wake up next to him♥️ i guess it's rare but i just got really really lucky 🥰
@marlonmoncrieffe0728
2 жыл бұрын
🙌 Yay!
@justinodo
2 жыл бұрын
Thought you were talking about a horse
@robindaudeij6442
2 жыл бұрын
@@justinodo re-reading it now you could think that 😂 but it's about a man let's clear it up once and for all 😂
@janaxxx490
2 жыл бұрын
@@justinodo lmaoo
@vanayakool5424
2 жыл бұрын
@@justinodo 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@smol-lo
2 жыл бұрын
I personally believe that an issue when it comes to dating is the concept of the other half. I find it quite appaling the more I think about it. Because we on our own are whole. We are not empty if we don't have a partner. And I think due to that concept many people get into relationships because they kind of think that lovin yourself isn't that important - as they have someonr to love them for them. But feeling content with yourself, the life you live, the decisions you make, where you are going etc. are so important on their own. I think a partner is great in enhancing life and in making it better. But you yourself are still in charge. And it's good that way.
@adityamakwana612
2 жыл бұрын
the concept of other half does not mean that you are not whole without or with it.its a spiritual connection between two individuals which happens overtime.
@smol-lo
2 жыл бұрын
@@adityamakwana612 While I agree, that that can be an interpretation, it is often seen the way I described it. I distinctly remember the telling of the Greek story, where humans originally had four arms and four legs and two heads, but the gods were unsatisfied with that (for some reason), ripped them apart and then humans began to look for their missing part. And I know many people view it like that. I wanted to describe how I think that that view isn't a good expectation. Your view on the topic is very valid in my opinion, but also not the standard interpretation of 'my other half'.
@awakenow7147
2 жыл бұрын
@@smol-lo I tend to agree. However, I have my doubts about this philosophy as well. Especially recently. I do think it is important to feel a sense of "wholeness" on my own. It can be detrimental to project my entire sense of happiness and love onto another. And I do think it is possible to be pleased with oneself most of the time, and not require the validation of another person. At the same time, this sort of path reminds me very much of what monks and nuns aim to do. Which takes some level of training. Seeking partnership and intimacy is almost built into us by our very nature. To fully transmute this might take a lot more training and lifestyle change than we may think. There seems to be this idea that wanting connection and love in a relationship is due to childhood traumas, and the feeling of emptiness that may result. And I agree. I think that childhood trauma has a lot to do with how one perceives partnership and romance. But its the "how", not the mechanism itself. I think the drive towards romance is in fact natural, and very difficult to overcome fully.
@smol-lo
2 жыл бұрын
@@awakenow7147 I do not think it is necessary to get rid of the urge for romance. I think it is normal and not necessarly harmful either. In my opinion many people just expect too much out of a potential relationship. They forget to love themselves, because it is easier, to be loved by somebody else. And they start to rely on their partner a lot. But a relationship is hard work and it is a dynamic between two individuals. It's not one persona, but two. And I think many people seem to forget and just sink into that feeling. That is what I think to be the harmful part.
@adityamakwana612
2 жыл бұрын
@@smol-lo the greek story is quiet interesting first time i am hearing about it.in our culture marriage signifies a bond between souls that lasts for 7 lifetimes here we have to follow pati/patni dharma there is no translation for it but it can be said husbands duties towards wife and wifes duty towards husband they are supposed to be 2 wheels of chariot which denotes that both have to work in sync for a good life(otherwise chariot wont work)
@fireflythinking1290
2 жыл бұрын
I think romcoms have really shaped the way I expected relationships to be like unconsciously. When I was young, I didn't see any adult really who seemed to be happy in their relationship... And I think I assumed they were wrong and that movies were right? I didn't know love was half the deep love we see in rom-coms, half compromise, communication, arguments and boring moments. I think that I really want love at first sight, because I am quite an intuitive person and the idea of me not recognizing my partner's potential right away somehow makes me sad.
@vallano8970
2 жыл бұрын
That's such a self defeating mindset. "my partner's potential right away". I'm a very intuitive person myself, that does't make me a wizard who can read minds. People aren't something you can properly gauge the "potential" of within a min, an hour, a day, or even a week of meeting. And people only present the versions of themselves they want to when intially meeting someone new. That kind of mindset is how people end up breaking up within months after the honeymoon phase.
@fireflythinking1290
2 жыл бұрын
@@vallano8970 I understand your point but I think there's a lot you can see in someone, however they want to present themselves... I don't remember who that is, but there's a relationship coach who able to predict who will remain in their marriage or divorce within just a few minutes of interaction, with more than 95% accuracy... So I kind of believe in first impressions. They don't always work and sometimes I have been reading someone wrong, but most of the time I think when you enter a room full of strangers you can tell within a few minutes who you will become closest too. I dated a few men whom I felt nothing for at first, and it never developed into something I could see myself in long term. The only time I felt that was for someone I immediately had a crush on (not only because they were attractive, but because some details and small behaviours were saying a lot about their qualities). So I hope you're right and I'm wrong, because I wouldn't want to miss a chance ^^'.
@awakenow7147
2 жыл бұрын
@@fireflythinking1290 I'm kinda mixed on how I feel about this, because I think I'm somewhat similar to you. I honestly think if it is indeed your intuition, then that should be followed above all else. Sometimes intuition can pick up on red flags before the conscious mind even knows what is going on. And for someone to tell us not to trust that gut feeling...could be a huge disservice. At the same time, I try to be weary as to whether it is truly my intuition, or if its my ego posing as intuition. The ego can mimic anything genuine, and make it seem legit. By "ego", I mean my superficial preferences that have nothing to do with wanting genuine love and connection. For example, I might find someone attractive within reason, but then my ego will create doubt as to whether this person fits the fantasies about romance that I may have had. Its making an unreasonable checklist as to what is superficially "compatible" beyond crucial things, like core ideals etc. I still have yet to reconcile this inner conflict, but I thought I would just add this perspective.
@fireflythinking1290
2 жыл бұрын
@@awakenow7147 Exactly! I think intuition can see red flags even before they are brought to your consciousness. That's why I say sometimes I read people wrong, because my ego gets into the equation (either because I belittle myself thinking the other is better, or the contrary, etc). When I don't feel bothered by ego, I think I consider people quite accurately most of the time. Also sometimes some people are just very surprising (like narcissists who hide their creepy side very well). PS: I think I also have the romance problem... But how are you supposed to differenciate what you really 'want' in a partner from what romance (movies etc) tell you to want ? Like if I believe I would be happiest for example with someone creative, that has known similar pains I have, which kind of falls under the "tortured musician/writer etc" stereotype... Is it wrong? ahah
@awakenow7147
2 жыл бұрын
@@fireflythinking1290 Good point about narcissists. I've had a run-in with one of them in the past, and they really do their best in trying to hide it from you. Very chameleon-like in the way that they can throw off your sense of judgement. Sometimes they even pretend to be like you, and will seemingly share your interests. Thankfully, if we've had experiences with narcs in the past, then it can almost enhance our intuition to be able to pick up on those subtle cues. Yeah I wish I knew the answer to the romance question too. I wouldn't describe myself as an artist type per se, although I have done quite a bit of writing. But I think "tortured" is one way to describe me as well, as I've endured lots of anxiety since childhood. I find myself in a similar dilemma as you; What does it mean to be with someone who is "good for me"? Some people say that you need someone who will push you to be your best self. But isn't "best self" different for each person? I am actively striving to be better, and to be able to process my anxieties and neuroses. But to be honest, the last thing I want is for my partner to be some kind of self-help guru. Like most people on this earth, I simply want to be heard, and if I want advice, I will ask for it. I don't necessarily want someone to be "pushing" me to do anything other than what is currently my best effort. I guess my main point is, not only do we have to reconcile the romance fantasies, but also a lot of self-help culture as well. That subculture seems to be setting a new standard in regards to what we "should" be looking for in a relationship.
@i6lakk
2 жыл бұрын
I think social media had created a gap in the relationship market that many dating elements have increased in value by the high expectations and delusional thinking nowadays. The main and fundamental bases of relationships have been overlooked by the fact that there is less direct and live interaction between people. This causes people to lose sight of what they value in relationships and focus on what will make the relationship last, and this is why most relationships get boring and cold after a while because there was no understanding of the concept from the beginning, and I mean understanding from both sides or it is not gonna work.
@ritaevergreen7234
2 жыл бұрын
People haven’t learned have to give effort in regular dynamics that they think their romantic partner must subsitite. I think this is wrong because it placed pressure on the individual and that can have long lasting effects. People automatically hold resentment for people they hardly know and make things too personal when they need to be in therpay to work on rejection and their communication (conflict/resolution) skills. Social media has conflate people to believe being entertaining is the primary aspect of a relationship and not even a long one. People really can’t think beyond that because they’re stubborn to work on themselves so they stay in these superficial relationships
@aaronmarchand999
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe the "love at first sight" kind of love/infatuation is actually more real than anything else. Who says it has to last forever to be real. I was once in love with a girl. Very much so. Now she's gone, and I'll probably never see her again... that doesn't take anything away from the time we shared together. Nothing lasts forever. It's the way of life/existence. We're all going to die some day. This moment right now is the only real thing you will ever experience. But it will be gone in the next instant... That takes nothing away from the reality and magic of it. I say: enjoy love (and life) while it lasts, but don't cling on to it. The clinging is what will actually destroy it...
@indigo_diary
2 жыл бұрын
Beautifully written!
@beecher171
2 жыл бұрын
Beautifully put
@thenopedetective
2 жыл бұрын
Maybe it could be worth it to look at two different ideals. There's passionate love and companionate. Passionate love is often more unhealthy, but can be so fun and fulfilling and learn so much about yourself. Companionate love grows with time and requires stability to grow. Both are real love, but show up at different times and have different chemical components.
@aaronmarchand999
2 жыл бұрын
@@thenopedetective A lot of times the so-called love that grows over time is sort of a facade, an unattainable ideal that doesn't actually exist. I think this is actually a big part of the problem with relationships: the fact that people put on a front to the world that they are in a happy and fulfilling long term relationship, but in reality, at best it's only actually fulfilling for one of the two people, while the other constantly feels unsatisfied, annoyed, etc... So everyone looks at others who seemingly have a "happily ever after" relationship, while being faced with the reality that they do not feel that way in their own relationship, which causes them to always chase after the "end of the rainbow" that does not exist. Similar to how if you look at the highlight reel of people's lives on Instagram, it can make you feel that your life is very boring and inadequate in comparison... The type of "relationship" that people display to the world is basically a narcissistic projection, and not the actual reality that lies behind the facade. So in my opinion, a lot of the time this so-called long term love is actually more like a "status" that people identify with, rather than actual reality. From my own personal experience, I was once in a long term relationship with a girl I didn't feel that passionately about, and yes I cared about her, and there was a bond between us, and I felt very sad after we broke up. I could have easily ended up marrying her, and played the obligatory role of being "in love" with her for the rest of my life, and played along with the cultural facade that everyone pretends is real. But the truth is that I was never satisfied with her, and I would have been basically sacrificing my own life for the sake of her happiness (and the fact that she probably would have been totally happy and satisfied with that just goes to show how selfish this so-called love can actually be...) I think this is almost always the case, where one person loves the other more than they love them. This usually happens when a girl reaches her late 20s, and settles down with a guy who she feels less passionate about, but who she can feel secure will not leave her. And then she plays along with the societal role of being "in love," and her husband is satisfied, and believes that she actually feels the same way as he does. And thus the cultural facade is perpetuated... The truth is that either way, love is basically like a mirage
@martapalazon8410
2 жыл бұрын
@@aaronmarchand999 So well said! I agree with everything. It's the clinging what causes the pain and heartache. It would be so much easier if we just took everything as is, enjoyed it while it lasted, and then moved on without feeling the heaviness of what we've lost.
@josephl447
2 жыл бұрын
From the perspective of someone who has very recently got into online dating, it is an important point to distinguish fiction from reality. What I think makes virtual dating so attractive and consuming is that it offers opportunities, rather than having to 'find' said opportunities in real life through means you often wouldn't be comfortable participating in (ie. Going to clubs for an introvert, making the first move in public etc.) As such, the dopamine rush from a match can allure the user into thinking that it really is love at first sight, because no actual conversation has been made yet there has been broadcasted an evident 'attraction' however that might be defined. Perhaps we all need to step back, maybe even from our phones as well, and realise it's a journey, not a destination that we're seeking when we embark on the journey of love.
@borit258
2 жыл бұрын
Hit the nail on the head right there
@mitchellthomas2686
2 жыл бұрын
Well said. I recently sent something to the tune of "I'm taking a break from dating so I can actually focus on myself and where I am going in life. I'd rather not ghost you but I'm saying this won't go anywhere" to my matches. You'd be surprised how many have felt the same. Lol So much of it is fake.
@HerHolisticLife
2 жыл бұрын
great comment, totally agree
@xardev
2 жыл бұрын
Trust me don’t get into online dating lol
@vavet39
2 жыл бұрын
Its also worth noting the wider selection available online since its a profile that can be accessed at all times and its not reliant on both people being in the same temporal space with the same predisposition. I said nice things, tinder please unban me I'm begging you:/
@DeerghKataria
2 жыл бұрын
I like the old saying where they say - "Compatibility is an Achievement."
@khongelaningobeni6614
2 жыл бұрын
So does that saying imply that you'll have to work your way to compatibility?🤔
@DeerghKataria
2 жыл бұрын
@@khongelaningobeni6614 For sure. Because when we as a society look at marriage. We automatically assume that a specific man and a specific woman are just supposed to make their way through marriage. We just assume that everything is going to be fine. But it actually takes so much effort and it is for obvious reasons underrated, because it doesn't sound that cool. And nobody likes hearing this complicated explanation. They just want the easy answer which sounds good to them.
@khongelaningobeni6614
2 жыл бұрын
@@DeerghKataria Oh, that is very true. Relationships require a lot of input from both parties to succeed.
@marlonmoncrieffe0728
2 жыл бұрын
Who said that?
@AhmetKaan
2 жыл бұрын
*"Everything in life is easier when you don't concern yourself with what other people are doing."* The chances of you seeing this comment is pretty low, but if you did, *I hope you have an amazing day.* 🖤
@usenwill
2 жыл бұрын
I've never been quite able to get past the massive, heaping expectations people have in potential mates. I'm not sure how to just be myself while simultaneously being subject to that level of judgement.
@12Messenger
2 жыл бұрын
Things I've learned at 24 1. YOU as the MAN are responsible for the women you CHOOSE. No one makes you. Yeah she may belong to the streets or whatever but you got subtle hints while getting to know her but you overlooked it so don't go blaming all women for the choice you've made. 2. Grow your influence. You're here to add value to the world. Yes it's hard not to focus on women but realize maybe this is a phase in your life where you should just sacrifice your wants for a greater purpose and to improve your quality of life. 3. Stop watching if a girl likes you videos. Any woman can back me up in the comments. If she REALLY wanted to see you she would. Look at how women go to summer concerts get dressed up and travel all the way to see their fav male artist. Even God in the bible says queen of sheba traveled a long distance to see king solomon. even God himself makes this message clear he created woman so he knows their motivation triggers. 4. Love without shame. Love and be vulnerable life is too short. Just because you meet this awesome lover dosent mean you're going to spend forever together. Or the ex you're still hurt over...that could've been a person who temporarily came into your life to teach you something in life but weren't meant to stay or they gave you a different perspective and motivation to move forward. Just love and cherish the moment. Though you may want to stay forever together just realize you are to ADD value to each others lives and motivate each other so if things end you both are healthy and whole apart. I love my gf but I look at her as someone I can push to accomplish her goals and life purpose. She also calls me everyday and we read together and discuss what we've learned. We both have investing accounts and I'll share my course work with her. We go to the gym. We are believers in faith and so we pray together(she loves your spirit) and sometimes have HOURS of deep conversation. I allow her to feel free and protected. We've been together since we we're 16 now mid 20s. I'm showing you how I kept my love this long ^^^ so take notes.
@marlonmoncrieffe0728
2 жыл бұрын
Your post brings up a lot of good points but next time, PLEASE work on your spelling and grammar.
@mikeguidry2577
2 жыл бұрын
Still think you need more years of life experience to have a more whole view of how life really works. This sounds like what a 24 year old would say.
@infinitedurr
2 жыл бұрын
Re: Love at first sight (aka infatuation), what I've found over time is that this feeling inevitably is a sign that this person matches the subconscious pattern of our family dynamic and often, the things we wish we would've gotten from our family or somebody who will act out the wounding patterns from our family. Generally the juicier the attraction, the more likely this person will be intensely painful or uncomfortable further on in the connection. Not always, but often enough that I think it's wise to really pause and evaluate when you find someone who gives you a lot of feelings very quickly.
@JimmyJaxJellyStax
2 жыл бұрын
Both partners should really know theirselves before searching (studying personality, values, and journaling). They should be aware of their core personality traits and deep values to find a compatible match. Going in very unconscious of the self leads to unnecessary struggle and arguably a higher risk of incompatible and even toxic relationships. The more the partners know theirselves, the better they can assess a good match. Valuing our self gives the strength to choose a healthy relationship and the emotion resilience to dodge or discontinue that which devalues. The real challenge is emotion and knowing the self gives resilience and clarity.
@motjon
2 жыл бұрын
I've been struggling with the idea that it's ever really possible to know oneself. We in part are informed of who we are from others and the self is always changing.
@adenise__122
2 жыл бұрын
naive
@ChanoWilliams
2 жыл бұрын
Bottom line, it should be a healthy friendship. Because outside of the physical interaction, you want to be friends who enjoy doing things together just because you're doing it with that person. You want to enjoy challenging each other's perceptions. You want to trust that the other person is trying to learn your communication style and has your best interests at heart. If you don't have standard friendships that meet these minimum sets of criteria, I think you're going to struggle finding a committed relationship that also meets these criteria. Personal accountability requires maturity. Believing in fate and such takes away from personal accountability. No one wants to be loved because "fate" said so. When its a personal, conscious choice by the other person, then it actually has meaning. Thanks for the video and sharing of your thoughts!
@mastermati773
2 жыл бұрын
The question is: How to find a good friendship before sexual attraction? Creating both at once seems extremely difficult due to aureoli effect.
@ChanoWilliams
2 жыл бұрын
@@mastermati773 I debate this quite often. I think, in my experience, I can lose sexual attraction if their personality doesn't arouse me, or I can gain sexual attraction if their personality is arousing. Physical attraction just makes it easier or harder to gain or lose sexual attraction, but it's certainly not the deciding factor for myself. Personally I have a very low tolerance for an unattractive personality, but I think I also have a low tolerance for someone who doesn't want to take care of themselves. I've seen plenty of people who work with what they've got and been tastefully attractive, then having a great personality really pushes them into sexual attraction. Just as physical attraction will make some overlook personality flaws, personality attraction will allow you to overlook physical "flaws" too. You might initially notice someone because they're not physically revolting, and then their personality hooks you. I think at least that much is true of any friendship.
@marlonmoncrieffe0728
2 жыл бұрын
This is why you should wait to have sex late into dating. Ideally until marriage but you won't see how compatible you two truly are if you are blinded by the physical only and at the beginning.
@dwitaratna5946
2 жыл бұрын
for me, a soulmate isn't a person, it's a feeling. :)
@mihaelaclaudiap..2
2 жыл бұрын
I was off dating for 1 year now, and not sure when I will feel like venturing myself again into it! Sometimes I feel the need for male company, but then I always postpone the moment when I will feel like chatting again and I refuse all my potential 'candidates' :)) I guess that I will know when the right time will come! Great video Lana! Very popular and relevant!
@hassanchop3622
2 жыл бұрын
Same thing for me. Haven't been on a dating site for one year after trying to meet someone online over a 3 year period. It is a relief not to rely on potential matches to create a sense of self worth. Now I feel happier and lighter not searching for "the one". Relationships have become so shallow now and I don't do well with conceded people. Sorry for the rant 😂.
@josephzsoka874
2 жыл бұрын
folks, dating apps are full of misfits and hook-up artists... meet someone in person, join a club or social activity, where the focus is on the event not a person - and you can vet them more thoroughly. For more insight see Prof. Sam Vaknin's YT vids on the psychotic nature of online dating... especially these days. Good luck and god bless.
@ChrisGaultHealthyLiving
2 жыл бұрын
Love your videos, Lana! It’s like talking to a friend! You have great insight!
@snorrevonflake
2 жыл бұрын
I experienced that kind of feeling for the first time aged over 50. And it definitely felt like a soul connection and not something picked up from media. This encounter made me question every single human connection i had in my whole life before that and i have started to dismiss any contact that does not feel like that.
@amdg01007
2 жыл бұрын
exctly
@ghulamsarwar5300
2 жыл бұрын
Your talks are always create happiness for me, I always Learn something new from your new video ☺️☺️☺️
@aleksandrak.5217
2 жыл бұрын
For me love is a very serious and complex feeling, I cannot say I love someone first months into relationship. Infatuation can transform into love, but a lot of times it doesn't. At the end of the day, after we are with someone for a longer time and the infatuation passes, this person and the relationship with them becomes our choice, or we choose to part our ways if we decide they are not for us. Hollywood destiny-style love isn't real, but a lot of people buy into it unfortunately....
@sakutaro3musik486
2 жыл бұрын
I'm someone who always works on relationships but sadly my exboyfriends didn't and prefered to say we don't Match because of little stuff like having different favorite movies it was really crazy
@AhmetKaan
2 жыл бұрын
*Most great accomplishments were achieved by the people, who at first had no idea what they were doing.* Keep going my friend. I am cheering for you. 🙂
@skyerisma4627
2 жыл бұрын
The biggest lie I've been told about dating is that I could get a girl to like me and go out with me before graduating from college.
@IsaacJoshi
2 жыл бұрын
To be happy with someone else you need to be able to be happy alone first
@Casxa
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Lana for talking about this! I wrote a research paper for one of my psychology classes on the terrible portrayals of romance and its impact on people, I’m glad people are becoming more aware of how unrealistic expectations are created and that they’re breaking free from them.
@RealJamieBarclay
2 жыл бұрын
Instead of looking for the perfect romantic partner, try to create the perfect approach to dating and relationships.
@atulkrjha
2 жыл бұрын
Any tips how to create that?
@yasmine4501
2 жыл бұрын
You’re Aura is so peaceful and gorgeous as ever 💕 keep up the great work ❤️
@Lujerk2
2 жыл бұрын
The “problem” is hypergamy. Woman want a man that upgrades their life. The more strong and independent woman become the less need they have for a man. So only the top 10% of men are of interest. And these guys have options. Why settle for one woman if u can have plenty. So it all comes down to one questions… would you rather be the farmers wife or the emperor’s mistress?
@ElizabethUkeh
2 жыл бұрын
Emperor's mistress. The farmer ain't gonna be faithful either
@oranged6703
2 жыл бұрын
@@ElizabethUkeh😂😂😂😂
@oranged6703
2 жыл бұрын
@@ElizabethUkeh sometimes the emporers r loyal But I hve seen mny cases of farmers being unfaithful
@kflecha1
2 жыл бұрын
Lana is so inspiring as always💕✨. I’m tired of dating I haven’t had luck 🍀🙁 who’s in the same situation?!
@tauhidd.8093
2 жыл бұрын
Yup. i stopped trying. I dont know how it is for women but for men here in America, dating is a shitshow. It only depresses me and there are too many female experiences where I was just disposable. Trying to date only made me feel like im not good enough and im at fault for everything. Best to just go my own way cuz the most peaceful times of my life were when there was no woman in my mind.
@kflecha1
2 жыл бұрын
@@tauhidd.8093 That’s sad I live in America too and I have exactly the same issue. I feel disposable for men. I’m a little bit tired of trying or even worse I don’t have to try because this days nobody put the necessary effort to make things work 😔 hopefully that can change 🥺✨🙌🏽
@diananurtlessova9388
2 жыл бұрын
Meee
@kflecha1
2 жыл бұрын
@@diananurtlessova9388 at least I’m not the only one 🥺 Hopefully that change for you 💕 we’ll deserve good company 🙏✨
@tauhidd.8093
2 жыл бұрын
@@kflecha1 its a common thing for men in america. You might hear about it more in the future. Probably in the news. Things in American media is twisted. So you will probably hear how men in America are "choosing to go their own way" and how its affecting women. Or you might hear "growing percentage of the population is single, the problem is men". Men here in America dont feel valued. In fact they arent. We are told that we are responsible for problems. We are told that "men are trash". You may not believe me but its true. We are the majority of people who are homeless, victims and perpetrators of crime, and we are the majority of people who signup and die in combat. Most people who commit suicide are men. Not sure if that stat applies to outside the US btw. Men are more likely to be depressed and lonely. Honestly, for men, dating is like an interview. You apply for 50 places and hopefully you get 1 interview. You contact 100 women and possibly get 1 match. Also, one other problem. Men are also seen as disposable. Again idk about other countries. Men are seen as disposable so that 1 match out of 100 doesnt treat you right. I can keep going about how marriage in US isnt going well either. Point is a lot of men feel like it isnt worth getting stomped on by women who see men as subhuman and then to get married and cheated on or lose your money and belongings from divorce. Makes them feel like you may as well stay single and stay away from women. At least you keep your sanity. Again, you might disagree. People might hate me for this post. People may call me sexist. Im not sexist but i will not tolerate bs. You will hear in the news that more men are going their own way but they will phrase it in a way as if it is a problem affecting women. And that men are the cause.
@LukeGroenemeyer
2 жыл бұрын
Question real quick when will you be doing another "The Lana Blakely podcast"? It was pretty entertaining for myself and others Edit: So it appears that it was not a valid question, okay then.
@Karincl7
2 жыл бұрын
To me love doesn t exist, it s just 2 people who want to spend time together and maybe eventually move on .... i m more in search of a good friend then a crush, a crush is so short...
@jak_019
2 жыл бұрын
I actually see it as journey together through all the happiness and struggles, where both partners are mutually and equally contributing thier part in building up a life together.
@EM-is9ti
2 жыл бұрын
One of the best things you can do for yourself - and it's not easy, it will take practice - is to let go of any expectations of how you think things should be based on some long held preconceived ideas. If you can appreciate people for where they are and who they are (that doesn't mean you accept crappy behavior) but if you can accept that people are strange and funny and weird and interesting and complex and imperfect just like you, and not attach a value to how they should be to make *you* happy, life becomes a lot more fun. You can laugh at yourself more and accept other people's strangeness. A lot of stuff people do, it's not personal. Sometimes it is. But more times than not, it's about them and their stuff.
@marlonmoncrieffe0728
2 жыл бұрын
Agreed. By the way, this is all better accomplished of you avoid sex in the beginning of the relationship.
@suckadickdumbshits
2 жыл бұрын
I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago because I realized that at 17 I am not (in my opinion) ready to be in a relationship yet, and as I get ready to graduate and head off to college, I don't think I need the complication of factoring a relationship into the major life decisions I will be making soon. It's been a painful decision for me because he's a wonderful guy, and we had a really emotionally mature, trusting relationship, but neither of us had the life skills to support it progressing into something long-term. I'm hopeful we will be able to remain friends, however. He's taught me a lot about what love looks like, and I will always be appreciative of him :).
@Grey-sq7dy
2 жыл бұрын
I dont really think its possible for you to ,,have time” to be friends, since apparently you both don’t have enough time to continue an ,,emotionally mature and trusting” relationship, which many would kill for to have.
@p003htb7
2 жыл бұрын
If you're going off to college then you should probably break up anyway, or at least that's what I did when I was in a similar spot. But if you still have time to be with your bf though then why not enjoy the time you have left? You're young enough that a relationship doesn't need to be held to the same standards as an adult relationship, something that lasts longterm, and in the vast majority of cases probably wouldn't work out anyway. But imo you can embrace that and still be together in the short term, until you need to go off to college or whatever
@suckadickdumbshits
2 жыл бұрын
@@p003htb7 yeah, that’s a good point. for other, more personal reasons, i don’t think i can be in a relationship right now, but you’re absolutely correct. thank you :)
@CurlyFries120
2 жыл бұрын
You cant be friends with your ex... what are you gonna do when you find out he's with other women... LOL you don't need that in your life.. just cut the cord and set him free and don't look back
@suckadickdumbshits
2 жыл бұрын
@@CurlyFries120 he can be friends with whoever he wants… we both have the freedom to move on and date other people if we want. i’m not going to be upset or jealous, i just want him to be happy, whatever that looks like.
@hotlucky5622
2 жыл бұрын
as a man, i'm always struck but how oblivious women are to the nature of dating and how things actually play out. On the man side we speak of strategy and probabilities, and on the female side they actually believe fantasies like "being special", "soulmates" and "love at first sight". I guess the gazelle has no idea on how the lion hunts.
@mathedguy
2 жыл бұрын
I am old, and had two marriages. My first was 1 week after college graduation. I only held onto my prom queen wife a few years. I was devastated. A dozen years later i married a colleague because we both wanted kids. That worked for several years, and lasted 26 years. All I can say is be careful who you choose to love. Because loving (if you do it right) will change you.
@OGTEXAS
2 жыл бұрын
Dating isn't the same anymore
@Blondiee777
2 жыл бұрын
I'd say the problem nowadays is that people don't know what dating includes. It's 'data collection'. It's learning about that person and finding out if you even like them. I've been getting to know a guy, we've been out twice, will be out a third time tomorrow. People keep asking me are we together yet? Have we kissed yet. Answer is absolutely not to both! I barely know him and he's actually 12 years older than me (I'm 32) and he's quite 'old school' I think, so I don't think he'd appreciate me throwing the lips at him 😂 People just dive straight into being 'in a relationship'. They have sex and watch Netflix but they don't get out and experience different things together and they don't ask each other the right questions to get to know each other on a deeper level. It's just rush rush rush and then dispose quickly as soon as something doesn't go their way. They say 'be happy on your own'. This I don't fully believe in. My last ex (who I was with for 4 years) met me when I was in a real 'struggle' phase of my life. I wasn't financially stable, I didn't have a career (have both now) but I was AUTHENTIC. I was honest and accepting of that phase I was in. Things and people don't have to be perfect for you to meet the right partner. So I wish the term 'learn to be authentic' rather than 'happy' could be used more. Great vid.
@rachelle2227
2 жыл бұрын
I remember being a teenager, and thinking I don’t understand love and how complicated and dramatic it could be since I had never dated or been in a relationship. Because of media depictions, hearing how other peoples relationships are like, and depictions in books. I finally got in my first relationship when I was 22, and we got married actually. My husband and I have always had such a great relationship, zero drama, built on compatibility first, though we were long distance. Now I feel safe that I understand a healthy relationship, and how it doesn’t have to be dramatic, and how so many people are so bad at many basic relationship things. So many people are bad at communicators, have particularly bad habits that effect the other person (we all have bad habits to some extent, of course), etc. And definitely believing in soul mates or love at first sight is not helpful for actually finding long term relationships and making them work.
@shashvathish6406
2 жыл бұрын
Love the video! I really recommend reading "Essays in Love" and "The Course Of Love" by Alain De Botton who explains this concept with philosophy and the psychology of attachment styles.
@HerHolisticLife
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for the recommendations! I will read them
@agnespowers5997
2 жыл бұрын
I have never believed at love at first sight. I am a 66 years old, never married, single woman who has never been in love. I believe that true love is rare. Most romantic relationships are the results of lust not love. Because of this, I am okay with never being married. I would rather be forever single than be married and wish that I was single.
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2 жыл бұрын
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2 жыл бұрын
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2 жыл бұрын
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@lisasattler1895
2 жыл бұрын
Dating for me is hard because I am just really happy on my own. I have great friendships, goals, hobbies and I study what I love. At the same time I am a hopeless romantic and would love to fall in love by first sight, but so far I have not meet anyone who gave me the felling that compromising my freedom was worth their companionship. Your video gave me a new view of relationships and has given me something to think about further. Thank you🧡
@mscottlopez6332
2 жыл бұрын
It’s always refreshing to hear a woman point of view in this topics, deconstructing love and the ideas movies, books or society has thought us.
@elysianfields1671
2 жыл бұрын
Dating requirements should vary according to age and moment in life. Different people in different ages in different moments in life will do better with different types of relationships. Maybe an honest and real one night stand is the only one that can fit everyone.
@BellaMusical
2 жыл бұрын
"Love at first sight" happened to me once. It was like lightning between our eyes, an unbelievable feeling. But the moment he sat down next to me I lost interest. 🤷♀️ I haven't figured out things regarding love and relationships in my own life yet, but one thing I do to know better is listen to advice from people who are actually in healthy relationships. Why are we taking advice from people in the arts and entertainment world? How often do they have long lasting, healthy relationships, do you think? Unless stories on screen and in books question the old norms, I take them with a heap of salt. Some stories include examples of healthy and unhealthy relationships, like HIMYM and Friends, but Ted Mosby and Ross Gellar are too self centered to look at what Lily & Marshall and Chandler & Monica are doing right, and so if they lived in the real world and their partners wouldn't be scripted for them, they would probably end up divorced and miserable, unless they finally change their way of thinking.
@adenise__122
2 жыл бұрын
most healthy and long term relationships are the ones that have God at its center, but this will sound like lunacy to most people
@miaka123ify
2 жыл бұрын
First for you to have love and be in a romantic relationship, you need to accept to be with yourself first. Yes, you can feel, lonely which is normal, but you should change your type or lower your values so you can get someone. Second, people tend to confuse sexual attrattraction/inflation love, which is wrong. Love is when you grow with the person, accept their sides ( good and not good). About the concept of soulmates or twin flames, it should be left in the past. Because if spiritual speak the terms are more connect past lives than with a person. A soulmate can be everyone, is just a person that came to teach you something in this plan. A romantic soulmate is a person you decided is the more compatible with you, the one you found grows and healthy happiness. In resume, love is about growing up basically, and before having any romantic ones, we should have self-love and self-awareness. So for everyone that may not the found someone, just don't be sad, when your time as came will come, just focus on growing yourself and if you like have fun with some people, that just want fun, if arent this type, just focusing your friends and your professional goals and self-journey. There is always someone there out for us, but before them, we need to be our us.
@atulkrjha
2 жыл бұрын
Damn man you guys are so ahead of your time!
@judgejudy7064
2 жыл бұрын
I think it’s all just a fantasy. People, after experiencing the honeymoon phase, pretty much end up on the hedonic treadmill. It might be quite a comfortable treadmill to be on, but I think that the single life is equally undervalued. Perhaps for every pro of being in a relationship, there is also a con that you can think of too. The default state is to be single and so it takes no work to remain single; if you find more pros than cons in single life, stick to it. The distraction is the neurohormonal aspects of love/attraction, etc. Evolutionarily, it’s there to initiate reproduction-and possibly to maintain a pair bond. The rest is the frills added by the greeting card companies/movie industry, essentially because it ‘feels’ true-but it’s selling a delicious fantasy, not reality, as Lana explained really well. It’s much better to work out the objective reasons as to why a relationship would really benefit you and write these out explicitly on paper. It gives you some guideline as to whether your relationship is actually working, as too often do people remain in relationships they dislike for a fear of what it would mean to leave. In that way, relationships aren’t so empowering when they go sour/if there is an element of codependency. Personally, it just seems like too much effort, in that logically too much can and will go wrong. I suspect the reason why most people enter into relationships is because they think they will prove people wrong or that they will be the exception to the rule. There’s really no way to know other than to use a crystal ball, which is the risk people take. In some horrible cases, you hear of a husband murdering his wife/children in some psychopathic rage. There can even be a pretty rough divorce-look at the painful movie Marriage Story (2019). People grow or change in relationships, sometimes directly due to the relationship itself or because of other life circumstances. If you get together at a young age, you could grow and diverge off into different paths/interests (e.g., Tom Scavo in Desperate Housewives suddenly becoming a success and his wife being shell-shocked by this change). It may be enough to want to move on. There may always be someone else, too-FOMO as applied to people, arguably worsened by how there is seemingly always one more person available to meet online. As things are now, I prefer to stand back and watch the burning rubble from the sidelines. It honestly just keeps my hands warm. 😊
@Casxa
2 жыл бұрын
I agree with you on a lot of points. I’ve taken the perspective that if I meet someone who I match with, that means that right now we’re matching, but that it might and probably will change after a few years. I mean, what are the odds that the person you’re with will change and still match with how you also changed throughout multiple years? If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work and that’s it, you’ll find someone else who matches your new self eventually (or not and that’s valid too). I think settling is the worst thing and I’m talking from experience sadly.
@dakinebrah6246
2 жыл бұрын
Long term relationships aren't about bed and roses. There will be struggles, there will be suffering, there will be compromises when having a family. People need to knock down the expectations/projections of the other person. The sooner you do this, you'll love the other for who they are, not what they are. This generation needs a backbone. My family run on God alone, for he makes all things possible. That's why people don't want to enter in the suffering of marriage because they have ideals, expectations, of what they want it to be. That's why in relationships and marriage: "Many are called, but few are chosen" "Wives, be submissive to your husbands" "Husbands, love your wives as your heavenly father loves the church" "Son leaves fathers house to become one with his wife"
@Itsnotanymore-ku7dz
2 жыл бұрын
How to tell me I’m gonna d1e alone without telling me I’m gonna de alone
@waitingforthursday
2 жыл бұрын
Back when I was like 20 I was actually angered by that scene from the notebook lol, but I was so young and my reason for getting pissed was that Noah had 'no game' 😅 Now I just think what he did was creepy
@fmls8266
2 жыл бұрын
Too many people dismiss anything that isn't a "soulmate", which in their mind must be a person to be togheter with without compromising or sacrificing anything at all. Such person does not exist, we are all imperfect, and it requires lot of effort and commitment to make relationships work.
@gioovannabp
2 жыл бұрын
That's so true! Nowadays most people want all the perks of having someone without compromising their life as well and are willing to leave at the first "mistake"... Effort should be something that both parts are willing to make and talk about it.
@JamieAsareZiegler
2 жыл бұрын
Yes! Yes! One thousand times yes. I have nothing to add to this. I have everything to add to this. I've never seen 'The Notebook' but there's a a similar rom-com/teen comedy phenomenon that’s always made me uncomfortable: the “the nice guy gets the girl at the end” trope. Now, what’s wrong with the nice guy getting the girl? Nothing! It’s great! I would someday like to *be* “the nice guy who gets the girl”. So what’s wrong with the trope? A couple of things: A) It smacks of entitlement. Nobody is entitled to another person. Ever. Period. 2) The nice guy protagonist is always positioned opposite a classic alpha-male type-Johnny Football Hero, to quote Nada Surf. The film plot extends to the nice guy the benefit of freeing him from traditional standards of masculinity; if the nice guy sticks to his guns (or outwits the somewhat dimmer alpha male), he’ll get his prize at the end. But a girl is not a prize. A girl is a person. What’s more, that benefit of being freed from traditional standards? It’s not extended to the girl, is it? She lives on a pedestal because she’s pretty, but that’s the best that she can be, the *most* that she can be. She’s always coy and demure for precisely that reason. She can’t have *too much* of an identity. It’s not that she’s the object of affection-it’s that she’s an *object.* She’s a trophy. And that’s bullshit. 2a) Now what if the girl is the protagonist? Well, unless this is a quirky indie comedy, the girl has to be smoking hot (as if Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t have had her pick of the guys in ‘Mean Girls’). And if the girl starts out as kind of a dork, she must demonstrate the ability to take off her glasses and be Anne Hathaway, effecting a transformation as stunning as Clark Kent becoming Superman. ("Ahhhh...she was a sex object all along!") What the girl *cannot* be is smart, kind, into cool music, and decidedly average looking. She doesn’t get her own movie. But maybe she should.
@MmM20978
2 жыл бұрын
You are further ahead than most young people Lana, your self awareness will get you far.
@adenise__122
2 жыл бұрын
without the true awareness she won't get anywhere, and she doesn't have that
@kristenk708
Жыл бұрын
@@adenise__122 what true awareness?
@gaganamanjunath732
2 жыл бұрын
Hey, Lana! One sided lovers!! We exist! I appreciate if you could make a video about that❤️😂
@igormitin1989
2 жыл бұрын
Good points there, thank you) Also, transition to skillshare is 10/10
@artsimulation
2 жыл бұрын
It seems to me we are living in an era in which we are more aware of our feelings but then do everything we can to find statistics to disprove them.
@BrownBoy-xv4xr
2 жыл бұрын
Why relationships have to be so complicated? Why can't they be simple?! And who invented this phrase, "study shows that" when i was younger they only used to do studies on frogs🤦🏽♂️
@spaceted3977
2 жыл бұрын
I have always lived as a lone wolf. Having a relationship involves risking losing everything just because the woman wakes up one morning and decides she does not love you anymore . Men don't do this. So for me, it isn't worth investing everything in a relationship for it just to end up in the junk pile. For a woman it's just a case of going from one lover to another, but they leave a trail of devastation behind them !!!!!! I am 67 yrs old and have never been married or had children. I had several girlfriends but I never wanted to stay with any of them. When I asked all my male friends why they got married the answer is always the same. They all got their girlfriends pregnant so they had to get married. I was never that stupid !!!!! I don't regret anything, I think love is for fools and poets !!!! and I have lived a wonderful, happy life !!!!
@carl3063
2 жыл бұрын
Those stats didn’t really make sense at the beginning. Women are much much more likely to ghost men than men to ghost women. For that to be true, how can men believe in soulmates at a significantly higher rate than women? Is it possible that with age, experience, and “traumas”, women change their views and become more skeptical?
@LatinTalents
2 жыл бұрын
Definitely, there is more than one person who can get along with you in this ride called life. On another topic, I liked the subtle effects you used in your narrative.
@Thebreakdownshow1
2 жыл бұрын
It’s simple or is it? Step 1: Find thing you can improve in yourself. Step 2: Develop a Stong understanding of your being. Step 3: Be accepting of some flaws and flaws you can’t stand with. Step 4: I wish you best of luck 🤞🏽 now go get um pals 👯♂️.
@7force990
2 жыл бұрын
Just do it girls,no games,like it was back in the 00s-sex and relationships,the good old times.
@brianjones9780
2 жыл бұрын
11:56 When Lana says "perhaps there are ... *several* soulmates" with that smile on her face I'm just wondering oooooOOOH. What's the tea?
@therabidpancake1
2 жыл бұрын
I do not really think anyone knows what love is . Some people call it a feeling some say it is a choice , some say it is an action some say it is all three , some say that love doesn't exist and it is just a chemical in our brain that gets us to mate .
@gaellesinsaire
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for doing this video, I love how creative your video was and it shows your research also the time you take to do it.
@elsquibbs
2 жыл бұрын
Rom-com crap isn't reality. Chasing the girl you have a crush on will not make her fall in love with you. You'll get rejected at best because you'll come off as needy and weird, then you'll earn a restraining order if you don't take the hint.
@mmsutantowrites
2 жыл бұрын
Thanks Hollywood for creating and reinforcing unhealthy expectations of romantic relationships! LOL!
@Dahrenhorst
2 жыл бұрын
I think the difference between infatuation and love at first sight, and the indication what it is actually, is determined over time: If it does not work out over time, it was infatuation, if it works out, it was love at first sight. You can't distinguish these two when they happen, but a few decades later you can.
@laradaurelio
2 жыл бұрын
lol I just uploaded a video about how we put people on pedestals without really knowing anything about them. I'm loving this video.
@russburton6262
2 жыл бұрын
Your intelligence is refreshing second video I have watched on your channel. Chemistry has more than attraction. Having intelligent conversation is stimulating to me I have dated women that were bigger and have awesome personality over attraction. Part of attraction to me is intelligence plus some physical attraction. Not all men are shallow
@IsaacJoshi
2 жыл бұрын
I agree love is built more than discovered
@dohaelkerriou2888
2 жыл бұрын
i just adore you lana u inspire me always
@transitionsnc
2 жыл бұрын
I think the greatest Hollywood lie I (subconsciously) bought into is if a person meets someone special, they will be willing to change for that love. We see this all the time in Hollywood where boy meets girl and either one or both lives are transformed into something special. If one has a serious problem, s/he is willing to solve it because they have found the love of their life. Or the problems just magically work themselves out. Consciously, I never believed this propaganda but unconsciously, I bought into it. While it's true that some people can implement changes with the right help and support, there's so many times that doesn't happen and the functional person's life can be adversely affected. I've seen a lot of people enter a relationship thinking they can save or help the other person but the reality is that person has to want the help, want to change, or both. A lot of times, dysfunctional people will enter relationships looking to get their own needs met with no regard to their partner needs. (narcissist, selfish person, etc). I think it's important to get to know people over time...the Hollywood propaganda can be really destructive.
@DiogoVinhais
2 жыл бұрын
So many lies we are told everyday 😩 it’s exhausting
@MiggeS
2 жыл бұрын
Love at first sight, is just words without real meaning because it doesnt really exist. Love and attraction is not the same thing. Is attraction at first sight possible?, Yes, but is love possible at first sight? NO.
@vallano8970
2 жыл бұрын
Stop looking for 10s and start aiming to be a 10 yourself. Humble yourself and realize that even if you are the best version of yourself not everyone is going to be attracted to that. Step outside your comfort zone and get to know people you wouldn't typically be into based on first looks and impressions. Drop the "Self-love" and "I'm perfect" no matter what bs and really sit down with your thoughts to find if you're ready to be in a commited relationship. Two immediate factors to indicate that you aren't would be an inability to maintain or make friends, and wanting qualities that you don't embody yourself such as emotional maturity, communication, understanding, compassion etc.
@Lotschi
2 жыл бұрын
For me it is really difficult to talk about my feelings. That‘s why I don‘t know a lot of people very well. Furthermore I seem not to really fall in love. I like a lot of people but there are no more feelings than to a friend. What I try to say is that it‘s quite difficult for me to understand my feelings for different people. I would to love someone but I don‘t fall in love. And I would like to get to know some friends better but I can‘t even talk about my inner self.
@OFFRoadWheels
2 жыл бұрын
Great video. Being a man in a wheelchair I was 4 months old when I was thrown out of are car an landed under another cars tires. Find love is not easy.
@aishatyakubu6494
2 жыл бұрын
I was in the same difficulties before he helped me few days ago okay.... Contact Dr Wilson 🏃🏃..
@aishatyakubu6494
2 жыл бұрын
Don't waste your time here he can help you and you get fast and effective results he deal with all kind of problem.,..
@aishatyakubu6494
2 жыл бұрын
±2348102689570⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,..........
@salmanahmed4718
2 жыл бұрын
Excellent information. Great work!
@handlemeifyoucan144
2 жыл бұрын
I like how Lana was fully immersed into the idea of love and soul mate😄
@mufalonami2282
2 жыл бұрын
You're funny, caught me unexpected there with that add 😂😂😂
@doctorlovera
2 жыл бұрын
- Hi. My name is Lana and... 1:06 - Thank you Lana and welcome to this support group. We are all here because we learnt from the movies and in some severe cases, from the soap operas. You will not be judged. 😄😄 That really felt like admitting you had a problem. We all had it. 😅
@doctorlovera
2 жыл бұрын
That was smoooooth 5:05 😄😄 Skillshare is such a lucky guy 😄😄
@carl3063
2 жыл бұрын
She got through all of that just to conclude “we meet people who we connect with in a special way.. that may only be there for a period of time”. Didn’t you JUST say it requires ongoing work to have an actual loving relationship?
@MaryamJeremy
2 жыл бұрын
You make psychology sound so Prettyyy ❤ Thank you for this 💫
@mansoor3159
2 жыл бұрын
Lana Blakely never disappointed me in her videos♥️😘🥺 thank you for the encourage to share this Lana!! Always remember that we love you from your beloved fans!!🥺💗🥰
@zenachan8833
2 жыл бұрын
I really would like to thank you very much for making this video , it is really helpful to understand yourself and others when its about love and acknowledge the reality of love away of fiction and movies
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